1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,588
Cheers <i>is filmed before
a live studio audience.</i>

2
00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:07,007
Oh, let me help you with that, Sam.

3
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:09,593
That's okay, Woody.
I'm not as old as I look.

4
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,136
Really?

5
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:16,391
Sam, I don't know if this would interest
you, but I have an extra ticket tonight,

6
00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:19,853
<i>Jacques Brel Is Alive
and Well and Living in Paris.</i>

7
00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:23,315
He's not doing that underwater
stuff anymore?

8
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:30,113
Jacques Brel was a Belgian balladeer
who wrote songs

9
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,783
of great passion and power
in the '50s and '60s.

10
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,911
You mean like "Who Put the Bop in
the Bop Sh-bop Sh-bop"?

11
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:37,829
So you're busy.

12
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:40,958
"Who Put the Bop"?

13
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,335
Yeah, you remember that?
The great old song,

14
00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:46,004
- right up there with 'Yakety Yak.'
- "Yakety Yak"?

15
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:49,299
Oh, come on, you remember
the Coasters, don't you?

16
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,843
- No.
- You're kidding.

17
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,846
How about the Shirelles
or the Platters or Dixie Cups?

18
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,598
Sorry.

19
00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:59,017
You don't remember any
of those old groups?

20
00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:02,187
Oh, old groups. You mean like Devo.

21
00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,316
Maybe you better take this.

22
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:22,851
Off to class, huh?
What do you got today?

23
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,854
Sissy French Painters
of the 17th Century.

24
00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:31,151
As a matter of fact, I'm on my way
to my Beginning Mime class.

25
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:34,780
- "Meem"?
- Most people pronounce it mime.

26
00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:36,406
Mime?

27
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:40,702
Yeah, you know, Woody, those guys
with white paint all over their faces

28
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,914
so bouncy and happy you just
wanna strangle them.

29
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:45,624
You're not serious.

30
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:48,293
- Everyone loves a mime.
- No, everybody loves a clown.

31
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:49,753
Everybody hates a mime.

32
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,839
That's simply not true.

33
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,634
Well, you know, I saw this guy
on the Common one day.

34
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,427
Did an amazing performance.

35
00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:01,223
He-- He did a crane, a mother crane,
feeding its young.

36
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:04,101
Turns out the guy was actually
choking on a piece of gum.

37
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:06,812
But I was moved, frankly.

38
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,731
Yeah, well, you know, Norm, you can
make light of it all you want,

39
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:11,441
but it is an ancient art form.

40
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:15,487
It has been around since the times
of Caesar Augustine.

41
00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:18,490
Yeah? So have those socks
you're wearing. Who cares?

42
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:22,744
Well, you know, it is the purest form
of communication.

43
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:27,124
Diane, why don't you give us
a little exhibition here.

44
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:33,046
Oh, I couldn't. I'm really just a novice.
I've only had three lessons. All right.

45
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:38,844
Oh, all right, ladies and gentlemen,
Diane, the "mimette."

46
00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:43,974
All right, she's starting off here with
your basic cop directing traffic.

47
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:49,271
And segueing into a waiter carrying
a heavy tray of dishes.

48
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:55,861
Yes, good. And completing it with
the midget imitating Judy Garland.

49
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:59,281
Very nice, bravo, bravo!

50
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,743
Very good.

51
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,370
It was a person trapped
in a shrinking box.

52
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:10,459
I'd say you'd better scurry off to class.
You got a lot of practicing to do.

53
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,836
Now, that I know.

54
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:16,548
- Hey, Sammy, mail in?
- Yeah, there you go.

55
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:28,810
- You expecting something special?
- Oh, I don't wanna talk about it.

56
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,520
It's too depressing.

57
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,398
Oh, come on.
We're your buddies here.

58
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,776
Yeah, you don't wanna keep
that stuff inside, Carla.

59
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,027
It'll eat you up.

60
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:38,737
Oh, yeah, it's just what I need.

61
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:41,239
You chowderheads trying
to solve my problems.

62
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,533
Come on now, I'd say that four brains

63
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,036
plus whatever Cliffy has
are better than one.

64
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,498
Come on. We wanna help.
Let us help.

65
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,876
- Yeah.
- Okay, okay, try this one for size.

66
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:57,380
In case you haven't noticed, my luck
with men hasn't been so great lately.

67
00:04:57,589 --> 00:05:00,425
In fact, all my dates fall
into two categories:

68
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:04,012
geeks and those studying
to enter the geekhood.

69
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:08,058
So in order to increase my odds,

70
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:11,228
I decided to enlist the full resources
of the media.

71
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:16,399
I put this ad in
the personals of <i>Boston Scene.</i>

72
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:19,444
So it's been two weeks,
and no one has answered.

73
00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:21,112
Can you help with that?

74
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,365
- Well, all right.
- Yeah.

75
00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:25,867
Give us a second here.
All right, guys?

76
00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:35,252
- Hey.
- Yeah, what? What do you got?

77
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,421
You got a crack in
the ceiling there, Sammy.

78
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,173
Just what I thought. Thanks, guys.

79
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,050
Oh, come on, come on
back here, would you?

80
00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:44,636
We're just kidding now.
Now we're gonna really help.

81
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,513
Hey, why would he write you
here anyway?

82
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,765
Well, you think I want some
sex-starved creep

83
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:52,519
camped out on my doorstep?
One of my neighbors might get him first.

84
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,813
Just let me-- Let me see the ad.
Which one is it?

85
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:58,191
Right there. Right after
"speed eater seeks same."

86
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,110
All right, all right.

87
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:06,867
"Divorced female, warm, witty
and Italian in every way except fat."

88
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,244
- Well, sounds good so far.
- Yeah.

89
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:12,664
"Thirty-three, 5-foot
and a quarter inch,

90
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:17,460
dark brown hair, brown eyes,
no visible scars, tattoos or birthmarks.

91
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,381
Seeking possible serious relationship.

92
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:27,637
Note, I have six children.
This is not a misprint. Six."

93
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:31,474
Oh, my, I can't believe not
one guy has answered this.

94
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:35,103
Carla, my dear, you're forgetting,
like, the basic principle of advertising.

95
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:36,521
Lying.

96
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:40,275
Oh, sure, I could tell him
I got no kids, right?

97
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:44,112
- Right. Right.
- I could tell him that I'm 21, 5'9"...

98
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:46,156
- Right.
- ...gorgeous green eyes,

99
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:49,910
flaming red hair
and ta-tas till Tuesday.

100
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,829
But how am I gonna explain the way
I really look when he sees me?

101
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,414
Stress?

102
00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:58,919
Hey, all right, next time I spill my guts,
remind me to do it in front of friends.

103
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:02,005
- I was just trying to cheer you up.
- I am in no mood to be cheered up.

104
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:05,216
Next guy tries to cheer me up
is gonna get open-face surgery.

105
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:12,182
I don't get it. She's got ta-tas
till Monday afternoon at least.

106
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,394
Boy, she's really bad off.
Come on, come on, listen,

107
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,355
we gotta think here now.
All right, come on,

108
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:23,068
put ourselves in her place. What would
I do if I couldn't get a date?

109
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,819
Who am I kidding?

110
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:28,239
- Well, why don't one of us write her?
- You wanna date her?

111
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:32,285
No, no, no. No, I think he means,
why don't we make up a guy?

112
00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:35,997
I don't know, man. Make up a guy,
it's just too risky. Too risky.

113
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:39,084
Yeah, she'd suspect something
the minute she met him.

114
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:43,380
No, no, no, we wouldn't have
to let it go that far.

115
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,882
In the meantime, we're giving her hope,
a little confidence.

116
00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,259
The more confident she is,
the more attractive she'll feel.

117
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:51,304
That'll make her more attractive
to some real guy. Or something like that.

118
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,515
- Sounds good.
- All right, I'm in.

119
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:56,142
- Okay?
- Yep, we got two.

120
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,103
All for one, one for all, huh?

121
00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:01,022
Gee, Mr Clavin, your hands
are soft like a girl's.

122
00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:07,404
My feet have got calluses on them,
just like every other part of my body.

123
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,824
Woody, get me some paper there.
Hey, Carla's gonna love this,

124
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,952
don't you think? I hope she realizes
what great friends she has here.

125
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:17,122
You bet. She will. And if she doesn't,
what do you say we just have

126
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,249
- this guy dump all over her?
- Good idea.

127
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:22,252
- We don't have any with lines.
- That's okay, I'll be careful.

128
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,670
Okay, before we start writing,

129
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,256
I suggest we just figure out
who exactly this guy is.

130
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,883
No, we're making him up.
He can be anybody we want him to be.

131
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,093
Doctor, ski instructor--

132
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:33,054
No, that's the point. if the guy's too
fabulous, she'll be on to us.

133
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:37,058
All right, it's gotta be somebody,
though, who's not in her league usually.

134
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,561
We could make him a postman.

135
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:43,148
- No, no, too much.
- No, no.

136
00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:46,901
Boy, you guys, we're sunk already.
She asked for a picture.

137
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:50,071
Yeah? Now, wait-- Wait a second.
Here, we're back afloat here.

138
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:52,449
Check this out.
How's this for your basic stud?

139
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:55,410
- Oh, oh, nice.
- Oh, nice, great. Who is he?

140
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:58,079
No idea. Just came with the wallet.

141
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:06,838
Hey, look at this.
Letter for Carla Tortelli.

142
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,716
- What?
- My goodness.

143
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:13,845
- Let me see. Come on, come on!
- What's the magic word?

144
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:16,431
- Gelding.
- That's the one.

145
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,059
What is it, Carla?

146
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:23,438
Someone or thing had the nerve
to answer my ad.

147
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:27,484
Okay, everybody, gather around
for a good laugh.

148
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:31,446
"My dearest Carla,

149
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:35,116
I was intrigued by your warm,
honest ad.

150
00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:41,414
I'll be candid as well.
I was married myself,

151
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,250
but, sadly, it failed.

152
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:53,051
I'm not much for bars
or the singles scene.

153
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:56,846
I prefer a quiet night, a warm fire
and pleasant company."

154
00:09:57,305 --> 00:10:00,475
- Very sensitive, very sensitive.
- Yeah, yeah.

155
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:06,022
"I'd love to meet you soon,
but unfortunately my job

156
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:08,775
as an international airline pilot

157
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:14,447
keeps me real busy flying places
most people only dream about."

158
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,450
- Talking adventuresome.
- Yeah.

159
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:23,748
"For the moment, then, we'll have to
depend on the U.S. Postal Service."

160
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,708
No trouble there.

161
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:30,046
"Sincerely, Mitch Wainwright.

162
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:34,300
- P.S., I love kids."
- Oh, no, you're kidding me. Boy.

163
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:37,387
You really hit the mother lode
there, didn't you?

164
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,931
- I don't know.
- What do you mean, you don't know?

165
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,391
What do you want?

166
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:45,728
Well, I guess he does sound
kind of great.

167
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,730
- You bet he does.
- Yeah.

168
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:52,026
Carla, you have no way of knowing
if this man is telling the truth

169
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,530
- about himself.
- Don't you think I've thought of that?

170
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:58,908
But if this guy is only half as good
as he sounds, he's twice as good

171
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,786
as any of the dirtbags I've ever dated.

172
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,289
- I just wish he'd sent a picture.
- He did.

173
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,374
- What?
- Probably. He probably did.

174
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,043
- Yeah.
- Check in the envelope there. Check.

175
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,130
- There is a picture.
- You're kidding.

176
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,716
- Oh, yeah?
- Hey.

177
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:19,053
- Come to Mama.
- Oh, look at that guy.

178
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:20,680
- Handsome.
- Oh, yeah.

179
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:24,559
Hey, how about that?
Good times, huh?

180
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,895
- Yeah.
- There's something suspicious

181
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:30,857
- about this whole situation.
- No, there's nothing suspicious here.

182
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:35,820
- How do you know?
- I know. I know.

183
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:39,866
Sam, is this your handiwork?

184
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:47,624
I can't believe you did something
this stupid.

185
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:50,335
She was depressed. We were
trying to help her out. That's all.

186
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:54,297
Nothing's going to top the depression
of going after the man of her dreams

187
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:58,343
and finding you there. Believe me,
I know whereof I speak.

188
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,512
There's no way she's gonna find out.

189
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:03,973
Hey, this guy looks familiar.

190
00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:08,228
- Where have I seen this face before?
- Probably the airport.

191
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:09,812
- Yeah.
- Pilots hang out there.

192
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:12,690
- All the time.
- I got it.

193
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:15,235
He's in a frame I just bought
at Woolworth's.

194
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,738
You're kidding.

195
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:23,868
Oh, my God. He's a model too.

196
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,330
Is that right?

197
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:43,263
So did Carla get the latest edition
of the <i>Mitch Gazette</i> yet?

198
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,598
Yeah, she's in the back reading
it right now.

199
00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:49,811
Have you noticed how Carla is
kind of perking up lately?

200
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:54,023
I'll admit she's much less repulsive.

201
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:57,777
Bordering on suffer able, but that
doesn't make what you're doing right.

202
00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,613
Oh, come on, give her her moment
in the sun there.

203
00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,740
I mean, after all,
you had yours with me.

204
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:08,913
You're not referring to that
nanosecond under a penlight are you?

205
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,882
Oh, no, what--?

206
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,846
- What is that?
- A little surprise I have for you, Sam.

207
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:28,808
I hate surprises. And you know
what else I hate.

208
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:32,770
Bravo!

209
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:36,190
Sam, I'd like you to meet
Lev Agajanian,

210
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:39,777
better known as Sotto the Mime.
Sotto, this is Sam Malone.

211
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:43,906
Oh, hi. Oh, that's very funny,
very funny.

212
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:49,954
- Get him out of here, please.
- Sam, be nice.

213
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:53,583
Sotto is our mime-in-residence at
the college and a visitor to this country.

214
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:57,920
- Whatever.
- Hi! My name's Woody Boyd!

215
00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:01,341
- Woody, you don't have to shout.
- Oh, he's a lip-reader.

216
00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:06,429
Sam, what would you say if I told you
that Sotto has generously offered

217
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:08,139
to entertain your customers?

218
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:10,183
- No.
- Oh, please.

219
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,018
- No.
- I predict that by the end

220
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:14,645
of the evening you'll have
fallen in love with this art form,

221
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:18,232
and Sotto will have picked up
a lot of spare change.

222
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,362
See, this is the stuff I hate.

223
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:27,658
Sam, this is his art.

224
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:32,246
- Well, just keep his art out of my face.
- Thank you, Sam.

225
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:34,957
Hey, would you please get off
my bar there?

226
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,542
You won't regret this.

227
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:41,214
Oh, so where's your fly boy
off to this time, Carla?

228
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:45,551
Cairo. He's gonna buzz the Sphinx
for me in his 747.

229
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,388
Good Lord.

230
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:51,057
Even the stick's jealous.

231
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:55,478
I just can't wait
to meet this guy face to face.

232
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:58,064
Although I am gonna play hard to get.

233
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,733
I intend to meet him
with all my clothes on.

234
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,236
Carla, since you mentioned it,

235
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,363
when are you going to meet
this Mitch fellow?

236
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:07,824
Well, he's doing the Paris
to Bombay flight now.

237
00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:10,993
I have to wait until they switch him
back to the domestic route.

238
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:14,122
- You know, life's funny.
- Why is that?

239
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:18,251
I mean, today I'm with Mitch
on top of the world.

240
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:21,212
And just a couple of weeks ago,
I'd have settled for fish bait

241
00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:24,924
- like Vinnie Claussen.
- Who's Vinnie Claussen?

242
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:28,594
Some loser who had the nerve
to answer my ad.

243
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:34,058
Carla? Yeah, wait, wait,
hold on a second here.

244
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:37,270
Listen, maybe you should
reconsider this.

245
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,939
- You know, Mitch is out of town a lot.
- Yeah.

246
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,817
Maybe you might like this Vinnie guy.

247
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:45,570
Yeah, there's nothing wrong
with playing the field.

248
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,488
Except with someone
who's grazing in it.

249
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:49,907
- What are you talking about?
- Look at this guy.

250
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:51,659
Fetch.

251
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,829
Really, take a look at him.
He's not that bad-looking.

252
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,789
Yeah, but next to Mitch
he looks like a weasel.

253
00:15:58,207 --> 00:16:00,042
But looks aren't everything, Carla.

254
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,920
I mean, Vinnie, I bet he's got
a lot of stuff going for him.

255
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:06,132
Oh, I don't know about you, but being
a funeral director seems darn near

256
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:09,385
- as thrilling as aviation to me.
- Yeah, they got flowers, limousines.

257
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:13,890
Hey, forget it, forget it, all right?
I'm through with bozos like that.

258
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:17,143
I'm at the University of Mitch now.

259
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,607
Well, I hope you're all
proud of yourselves.

260
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:26,736
Carla is now turning down living,
breathing human beings

261
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,779
for your mythical aviator.

262
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,407
Guys, how come we didn't see
this one coming?

263
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:35,661
Oh, this from a group who every year
fails to see winter coming.

264
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:42,043
Thanks for reminding me, Diane.
I gotta take those screens down.

265
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,552
Hey, Sam, what time does
the floor show end?

266
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:53,721
Yeah, I got it, I got it, I got it.

267
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:56,682
Hey, come here, come here,
come here.

268
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:59,852
Listen, Sotto, we gotta talk.

269
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:05,441
Yeah, all right, all right.
Now, don't do this.

270
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:08,319
Listen, the whole--

271
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,032
That's very clever, yeah.

272
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:16,953
Listen, you've been here three hours.
This is just not working out.

273
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,080
I'm gonna start losing customers here.

274
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:20,831
I'm afraid I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.

275
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,042
Now, I want you to beat it.

276
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:28,130
Oh, God, don't tempt me, man.
Don't...

277
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:31,175
- Sam, is there a problem?
- Yeah, get him out of here

278
00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:32,969
before there's clown white
all over the walls.

279
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:37,723
- Yeah.
- Sotto.

280
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:44,522
I think my attempt at enlightening
Sam has failed.

281
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,274
I'm afraid you're going to have to go.

282
00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:50,069
So I'll see you tomorrow.

283
00:17:57,493 --> 00:18:00,538
I know. I know
what will win them over.

284
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,623
Do your robot that winds down.

285
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:11,048
Wonderful. You're a master.
What control.

286
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:22,059
Mime putting.

287
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,650
Same time tomorrow?

288
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:32,111
He spoke! It's a miracle!

289
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,280
Yeah, okay, all right.

290
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,575
From now on nobody works in this bar
that wears more makeup than you do.

291
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:40,536
All right.

292
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:47,668
Excuse me.
My name is Vinnie Claussen.

293
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:52,173
How do you do?
Well, you don't look like a weasel.

294
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,259
Thank you. Neither do you.

295
00:18:55,968 --> 00:19:00,681
- Is Carla Tortelli here?
- Oh, just a minute.

296
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,100
Hey, Carla?

297
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,354
- Vinnie Claussen is here to see you.
- What's he doing here?

298
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,650
You better not watch this, kid.

299
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:15,112
You're about to see a guy's dreams
dashed on the rocks of Tortelli Point.

300
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:19,992
- Carla?
- Yeah.

301
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:23,371
- I'm Vinnie Claussen.
- Yeah, I know, I got your letter.

302
00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:25,039
Already?

303
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:27,750
Oh, I was hoping to meet you
before you got it.

304
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:30,419
I don't express myself very well
on paper,

305
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,129
and it's not the best picture of me--

306
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:35,174
Look, Vinnie, Vinnie, I really-- I don't
wanna see you making a fool

307
00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:37,301
of yourself in front of all these people.

308
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:40,221
The fact of the matter is
someone beat you to me.

309
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,724
Oh, gee, I'm sorry to hear that.

310
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,227
Especially now that I've met you.

311
00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:48,896
Well, I'd offer her
as a consolation prize,

312
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:51,065
but you're probably sick
of dealing with stiffs.

313
00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:54,235
Well, I guess I'll be leaving then.

314
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:56,237
- Yeah, better luck next time.
- Sam.

315
00:19:56,404 --> 00:20:00,700
Vinnie, let me buy you a drink here,
would you? Take care of him.

316
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:04,036
- Carla, can I talk to you for a second?
- Yep.

317
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:07,665
So how long you been interested
in dead guys?

318
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:12,336
Listen, before I start,
do me a favor, will you?

319
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,423
Stick your hands in your pockets
and keep them there till I'm finished.

320
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:17,550
- What's going on?
- Just humor me, will you?

321
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:22,304
Okay, but don't start in on me about
going out with this Claussen guy.

322
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,432
I mean, he's all right,
but he's no Mitch.

323
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,684
Listen to me.

324
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:29,520
Mitch doesn't exist.
The guys and I made him up.

325
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,524
- You what?
- Well, you were so depressed

326
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:36,444
we figured we had to do something,
so we made the guy up,

327
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:40,239
wrote the letters and rented
a post office box for you to write to him.

328
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:43,159
Oh, damn.

329
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,995
- Damn, I forgot the feet.
- You are scum.

330
00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:49,665
You are the scum that scum
scrapes off the bottom of their shoes.

331
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,710
You're always looking at
the negative side to everything.

332
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,839
I hate your guts. I hate every one
of you. I mean, why did you do this?

333
00:20:57,047 --> 00:21:00,176
What, was it some big laugh, huh?
You wanted to see me get all moony-eyed

334
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:02,553
and then yank the rug out.
Was that it, get a big laugh?

335
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,889
- No, sweetheart.
- No? Then what did you do it for?

336
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:06,724
What did you think was gonna
come of this?

337
00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:09,602
Well, we had that covered.
We weren't gonna let you get hurt.

338
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:12,313
When it came time to meet the guy,
we were gonna have the plane

339
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,648
go down in the South Pacific.

340
00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:17,109
Damn!

341
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:21,238
- Okay, I'm sorry.
- Hey, just drop dead twice.

342
00:21:21,572 --> 00:21:26,577
Carla, wait. Wait. Now, there's
something you don't understand.

343
00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:30,456
What they did was imbecilic, moronic
and ill-conceived.

344
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:32,875
Oh, that's the way, sugarcoat it.

345
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:36,921
But it was not done to make you
the butt of a joke.

346
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,674
It was done because your friends saw
their dear friend hurting.

347
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:42,802
And they wanted to help.

348
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:46,180
Now, you can either walk out
of here angrily,

349
00:21:46,347 --> 00:21:47,890
or you can trust your friends
and forgive them.

350
00:21:50,184 --> 00:21:54,063
And take advantage of the opportunity
seated at the bar.

351
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:58,192
Come on, why don't you give
the guy a chance?

352
00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:01,070
I mean, he answered your ad.
He's dying to date you.

353
00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:05,491
Hey, where do you think you're going?

354
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:08,994
- Oh, I finished my drink.
- Sit down!

355
00:22:12,373 --> 00:22:14,124
Nice touch, nice touch.

356
00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:17,336
Does this--? Does this mean
you're gonna go out with him?

357
00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:20,172
- I'm thinking about it.
- All right, okay, okay.

358
00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:26,512
Actually,

359
00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:31,141
in a dimly lit bar he's not
the worst thing I've ever seen.

360
00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:34,770
Writes a good letter.

361
00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:40,568
I'd probably give him as big a thrill
as this Mitch guy was giving me.

362
00:22:41,485 --> 00:22:43,404
Get out of here.

363
00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,865
Honey, what do you say?

364
00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:50,536
Oh, all right, you're off the hook.
Just tell me one thing.

365
00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:52,371
Who wrote all those lovey parts?

366
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:54,248
Oh, that was my department.

367
00:22:55,165 --> 00:22:56,792
You did a real good job.

368
00:22:57,001 --> 00:23:00,838
Well, I'm sorry if I got carried away
there. But with you, it's kind of easy.

369
00:23:01,422 --> 00:23:03,632
So they say.

370
00:23:07,803 --> 00:23:12,016
So how do you feel about girls
on the rebound?

371
00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:15,811
Oh, I've dated a few. Mostly widows.

372
00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:19,148
Yeah. Let's get out of here, huh?

373
00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:22,276
Oh, I know this real nice restaurant.

374
00:23:22,443 --> 00:23:26,113
Great, great. So you like kids, huh?

375
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:30,075
Like them? I love them.
I got seven of my own.

376
00:23:31,619 --> 00:23:35,289
- Carla. Carla.
- I'm joking. I'm only joking.

377
00:23:37,875 --> 00:23:40,544
Hey, Vinnie, could you
do me a favor?

378
00:23:40,711 --> 00:23:45,507
I mean, just for tonight, could you
pretend that your name is Mitch

379
00:23:45,716 --> 00:23:47,801
and that you're an airline pilot?

380
00:23:47,968 --> 00:23:49,637
Well, I guess.

381
00:23:49,803 --> 00:23:53,140
If you'll call yourself Raven and
pretend you're a Vegas showgirl.

382
00:23:55,017 --> 00:23:58,812
You're weird. I like that.