1 00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:04,546 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:10,677 What can I get you? 3 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,013 What have you got? 4 00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,557 Anything you want. 5 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,810 I'll bet you do. 6 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,480 Why don't you tell me. 7 00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,941 Maybe you'd like to see a menu. 8 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:28,570 No, I don't need one. I know what I want. 9 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,031 We talking about the same thing? 10 00:00:33,909 --> 00:00:35,160 I think so. 11 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:41,667 Then maybe you'd like to whisper what you want in my ear. 12 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:49,132 Scotch and soda? 13 00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:52,219 He's toying with me. 14 00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:09,713 Chased out of the pocket, he's gonna throw it on the run, 15 00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:11,256 it's incomplete. 16 00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:16,053 Good Lord, Sam, isn't this the tenth football game you've watched today? 17 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:19,473 It only seems that way. That's the beauty of football. 18 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:25,604 Sundays. The incessant drone of the television, 19 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:29,358 the stench of beer and monosyllabic conversation. 20 00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,234 That's it. Get into it, girl. 21 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:38,200 Oh, Diane. Listen, I dropped by to give you a bit of news. 22 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,952 I've decided to go away for a while. 23 00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:43,580 I just wanna collect my thoughts 24 00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,999 and see if things look brighter from a new perspective. 25 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,378 Frasier, I think that's terrific news. 26 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,714 A very positive step. I'm so happy for you. 27 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:55,550 Well, thank you. I'm happy for myself. 28 00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,679 Say, wait a second, Diane. 29 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,224 Crazy notion just jumped into my head, I don't know where it came from, 30 00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:04,851 but I was wondering if you'd like to come along. 31 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,605 I mean, after all, we do travel well together, 32 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,232 and we have that matching luggage. 33 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:15,946 Frasier, I really don't think that would be a good idea at all. 34 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:20,075 Of course. I understand. 35 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:26,248 Oh, Diane. I've been putting off telling you something, but I feel I must now. 36 00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:29,710 You've been using the word "really" far too frequently. 37 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,838 In fact, it's become really noticeable. 38 00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:35,382 It's really quite maddening, really. 39 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,637 Frasier, I know you're disappointed that I didn't accept your invitation, 40 00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:45,517 but I really-- I don't think that's any reason to get on my case. 41 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:49,813 "Get on my case." What a charming bit of slang. 42 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:56,361 Frasier, nitpicking at my choice of the correct, modern English 43 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,488 does not make you any more attractive to me. 44 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:02,075 If that's the purpose in your visits here, perhaps you should find another tavern 45 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,661 in which to bore the life out of the clientele. 46 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:11,001 I'm so sorry to disappoint you, Miss God's-Gift-to-Men. 47 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,879 It just so happens that I come here to share the companionship 48 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:17,799 of my male friends. So, men, what's on the agenda tonight? 49 00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:21,136 - Football. - Oh, good Lord. 50 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,765 I mean, "Rah." 51 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:29,019 Using a colloquialism to ingratiate yourself with the rabble? 52 00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:32,689 How very sad. How really very sad. 53 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:38,862 Did you see that bootleg by Montana? The guy's unstoppable. 54 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:41,323 Woody, looks like you're gonna win the bar pool today. 55 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,825 The Rams still have a chance, and if they make a comeback, 56 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:47,454 - I take the pool. - Woody, you know, if you win this, 57 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,207 that's gonna make three weeks straight you've been in the money. 58 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:53,168 Yeah, yeah, I guess I'm on a streak. 59 00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:55,462 You know, I've always been a lucky guy. 60 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,963 Back home I won a haircut. 61 00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:02,844 The heck kind of contest was that? 62 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:06,556 Well, it wasn't really a contest. It was just policy. 63 00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,518 See, if the barber nicks your ear, you get a free haircut. 64 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,565 I think Schopenhauer put it aptly when he said, 65 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:19,444 "Noise is the most contemptuous of all forms of interruption. It is--" 66 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,530 Impertinent. 67 00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:22,823 Excuse me? 68 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:26,326 What you were trying to say was, 69 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:30,831 "Noise is the most impertinent of all forms of interruption." 70 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,250 She said "contemptuous,' can you believe that? 71 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,669 I thought I'd have a conniption. 72 00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,007 Stop this quibbling at once. 73 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,927 As the only two entities of any discernible intellect in this place, 74 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,971 it is our duty to set an example for the others. 75 00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:48,390 You're only saying that because you know I'm smarter than you are. 76 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,728 This from a man who mispronounced "rémoulade" at a dinner party. 77 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,022 Diane, I am fed up with the rémoulade incident! 78 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,191 - Isn't it true? - You are totally over blowing it. 79 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,277 Hey, hey! Would you two cut it out. 80 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:03,071 You're drowning out a perfectly good tire commercial. 81 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,492 There's the gun. Final score: 24... 82 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:11,496 Yeah, all right. There's the final. Looks like you won, Woodrow. 83 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,373 - Hey, Woody. - Hey, Woodrow. 84 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,833 Thank you very much. 85 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,627 I want you to know I couldn't have done it without all you guys 86 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,754 because, well, this is your money. 87 00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:24,759 Here you go. Seventy-five big ones. Paul, second place. Twenty-five. 88 00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,846 You did good, kid, but I still think I got a more reliable system. 89 00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:29,973 Yeah? I could really use one. What's yours? 90 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,101 I just bet opposite whatever you pick. 91 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,773 So, Woody, what's this system you got up your sleeve there, huh? 92 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,942 - Yeah, Woody. - Well, I don't actually have one. 93 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,570 I just kind of look at the picks and one team jumps out at me. 94 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:47,949 - He's got it down to a science. - Really. 95 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,409 Imagine how much he'd have made 96 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,077 if he'd parlayed some of those bets. 97 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,204 - What's that mean? - Well, that's when you bet 98 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,999 a series of games with a bookie. I mean, you gotta win them all, 99 00:06:56,207 --> 00:07:00,045 - so the odds are pretty long. - Do you guys know a real bookie? 100 00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:03,757 I got a friend who's got a friend who's got a friend. 101 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:07,510 - And he's a bookie? - No, but his friend is. 102 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:11,848 Wow. You know, if I bet with a bookie, 103 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:14,267 I'd have something to tell my grandchildren. 104 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:18,188 Sam, I don't think you should encourage Woody 105 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,148 to pursue illegal activities. 106 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:24,444 Oh, lighten up, will you, Diane. It's a part of a guy's passage into maturity. 107 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,989 You know, like going to a cat house or whizzing off a balcony... 108 00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:32,661 ...or mooning out of the back of a car. 109 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,957 Or on a really good night, all three. 110 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,711 - Yes, the triple. - Triple. 111 00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,007 Hey, why don't we-- Yeah, good idea. 112 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,929 I got the schedule for next week's games here. 113 00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,974 Anything jumping out at you? 114 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,727 Oh, yeah! These are the strongest feelings I've had yet. 115 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,938 - Well, what? What do you got? - What's up? 116 00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:04,609 All right. Indianapolis, Tampa Bay, 117 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,444 Buffalo just hit me right in the eye. Houston. 118 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,655 - Yeah, I'll bet. - Yeah, I'll bet it did. 119 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,783 - What's so funny? - All those teams you picked, 120 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,910 they're a long shot, Woody. He doesn't even know 121 00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:16,496 - what the point spreads are. - What difference does that make? 122 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,289 I haven't looked at the point spreads all year. 123 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:22,210 Hey, Sam, I'd like to bet these teams with your bookie. 124 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:27,090 Okay. All right. How much you wanna put down? Twenty, 30 bucks? 125 00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,174 Thousand dollars. 126 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,094 You own $1000? 127 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,556 Yes, ma'am, it's all my savings. 128 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,434 Woody, I'm not gonna let you throw away all your money on gambling. 129 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,603 You know, Woody, all that money on one shot, you gotta be nuts. 130 00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,356 Yeah, why don't you sit down and give it a little thought here. 131 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,401 Excuse me. I've been observing 132 00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:49,904 what's been going on over here and I have something to say. 133 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:51,531 Listen up here, Woody. 134 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:55,035 Do you realize that in the course of the evening, 135 00:08:55,035 --> 00:09:00,165 Diane has made 17 errors in the areas of grammar... 136 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,836 ...etiquette and statement of fact? 137 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:12,218 Frasier, your pedantry is insufferable. And you suck eggs. 138 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,222 All right, Sam, I've thought about it, and I've decided 139 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,558 - I definitely wanna make the bet. - No, you don't. Think some more. 140 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:21,853 Well, I'm the one who's been winning the pool. 141 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,980 And you know what I think? 142 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,815 You think I'm some dumb hick 143 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,901 who can't make it on his own in the big city. 144 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,237 No, I don't. I just think it's a dumb bet. Case closed, Woody. 145 00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,782 But it's my money and I'm willing to take the risk. 146 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,910 Woody, I can dig up a bookie somewhere. 147 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:40,747 - I'll make the bet for you. - Woody, I'll make the bet for you. 148 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,290 Might as well keep it in the family. 149 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,627 - Sam... - No, no. You heard him. 150 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:48,463 It's his decision. It's his money. He's a grown-up. 151 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,174 - Where's your money? - Thanks, Sam. 152 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,971 Come on, man, don't tell me you keep your money in your shoe. 153 00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:02,602 Boy, you guys really do think I just fell off the turnip truck. 154 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:07,816 This is where I keep the map of where the money's buried in my backyard. 155 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,870 - Hey, is that him? - Yeah, yeah, I think it is. 156 00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:25,542 For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow 157 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,001 For he... 158 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,090 - Good to see you all too. - Sorry, Sammy, 159 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,591 - we thought you were Woody. - Can you believe it? 160 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:38,012 - The kid actually hit his parlay. - I know. Boy, that's fantastic, isn't it? 161 00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,014 - Yeah. - So, what is this? 162 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,767 - What are you guys doing? - We're planning a little celebration 163 00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:45,895 - in honor of Woody's good fortune. - A celebration, huh? 164 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:49,482 You mean like food, music, drink, that kind of thing? 165 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,442 We're not providing any of that, but we're hoping 166 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:54,070 Mr Moneybags will spring for that when he gets here. 167 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:58,074 I don't think it's such a good idea to make a big deal out of this. 168 00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:00,952 You'd just be encouraging him to gamble some more. 169 00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:04,998 He won 10,000 bucks. What more encouragement does he need? 170 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,625 - Oh, fine. - Hey! 171 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:10,795 Thanks a lot, guys. Hey, but guess what. 172 00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:15,008 I've got some great news. I won that parlay. 173 00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,346 We know, Woody. Congratulations. 174 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,599 Well, thanks, Miss Chambers. 175 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,852 - So, Sam, did my money get here yet? - No, not yet. 176 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,479 They'll be bringing it pretty soon. Matter of fact, I'll call right now. 177 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,440 Carla, why don't you start that celebration here. 178 00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:33,735 Hi, everybody. 179 00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,363 Diane, listen. 180 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:41,034 I'm here to tell you that I've just spent the most painful week of my entire life. 181 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:45,163 I was ice-fishing in subzero-degree temperatures in Nova Scotia. 182 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:49,000 I don't think I could have stood it for another minute, but it was worth it. 183 00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:53,671 Because every iota of pettiness in me was left back on that frozen tundra. 184 00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:58,426 So I'm here just to ask you to please forgive me. 185 00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:03,973 - Apology accepted. - incomplete sentence. 186 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,601 Oh, my God. 187 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,187 I hope they're still biting. 188 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,945 What's this? 189 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,780 "Please"... 190 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:22,450 - ...something. - Please get in here! 191 00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:27,747 Sam, is this an M or a double N? 192 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:33,795 Just forget about that and sit down, will you. I'm in big, big trouble. 193 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:38,633 I did something that-- It felt so right when I did it, 194 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,845 but now it turns out to be all wrong. 195 00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:47,392 What's her name, and how many months? 196 00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,273 I never placed Woody's bet. 197 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:58,069 Oh, my God. 198 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:03,449 Sam, for the first time in your life you had the right intentions, 199 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,703 and it still blew up in your face. 200 00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:10,123 It was such a stupid bet. 201 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,208 I was just trying to protect him. 202 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,962 What am I gonna do? I mean, I don't have $10,000. 203 00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,214 Oh, dear. 204 00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:25,972 Well, we know that Woody actually did pick the winning teams. 205 00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,474 Yeah? So? 206 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:32,729 - So why don't you go to the bookie - Bookie. 207 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,772 And tell him that you honestly intended 208 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,649 to wager on the winning teams... 209 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,446 ...and see if he won't give you the money. 210 00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,698 That's a good idea. 211 00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:46,492 While I'm at it, why don't I just tell him that I meant to bet on 212 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:50,288 - all the winning teams since 1975? - Can you do that? 213 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:52,206 Please! 214 00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:56,711 Well, Sam. Why don't I just sound Woody out for you? 215 00:13:56,878 --> 00:14:01,716 There's always the possibility that the money isn't important to him. 216 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,802 Yeah. Maybe not. Oh, that's a good idea. 217 00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:06,262 Oh, thank you. 218 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,056 Sam, by the way, 219 00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:12,602 thank you for coming to me for advice. I'm touched. 220 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,688 Well, if this works out, you will be. 221 00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:21,569 Hey, Sam, that guy still didn't show up with the money. 222 00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:24,072 - He is gonna give it to me, isn't he? - Of course he will. 223 00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:27,867 No bookie would welsh on a bet. He'd be the lowest spitwad on earth. 224 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,704 Actually, murderers are lower. 225 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,000 You know, back home we'd take welshers, rub them with bacon fat 226 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,669 and throw them in the sty with Romeo, the friendly hog. 227 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,840 - Well, gee whiz-- - Woody, why don't you and I 228 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,384 - have a chat. - Yeah. 229 00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,512 - Oh, sure, Miss Chambers. - There's a table right over here. 230 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,020 Woody... 231 00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:59,399 ...I want to speak metaphysically. 232 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:03,736 And you need money for the language lessons. No problem. 233 00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,532 Let's start again. 234 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:12,578 What I'm talking about is the meaning of money. 235 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,122 What is it worth? 236 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,750 It can't buy love, it can't buy friends, it can't buy happiness. 237 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,420 Well, you're right, and I already have all those things. 238 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,088 So, in fact, you have everything. 239 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:25,466 And it wouldn't matter if you never got that money at all. 240 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,220 Oh, you're serious. 241 00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:33,975 Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Chambers. 242 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,437 You see, it's just that my family never had a lot of money 243 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:41,107 and still my folks were always making sacrifices for us kids, 244 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,483 especially my mom. 245 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,487 I remember something she used to say to me, she'd say: 246 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:50,533 "Woody, hold on to your dream. 247 00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:54,704 I lost mine, but I want yours to come true." 248 00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:59,792 It always made me sad to think of what Mom gave up for us. 249 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,545 What was your mom's dream? 250 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,674 To be a drummer in a power trio. 251 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,262 Her big hero was Ginger Baker in Cream. 252 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,558 Whenever we'd walk by the music store in town, 253 00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:19,312 she'd just stare and stare at the Ludwigs in the window. 254 00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,815 I knew even though she was standing in front of Keller's Music, 255 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,984 that in her head she was up on some stage 256 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,987 banging out the solo in "Toad." 257 00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:31,782 It must have been tough to go back to breading cutlets. 258 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:35,119 Now she's gonna get those drums. 259 00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:38,122 And with heavy metal coming back, who knows what might happen. 260 00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,293 Bless you, Woody. 261 00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,795 Bless you, Miss Chambers. 262 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:51,677 How'd it go? 263 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,763 Not well. 264 00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:58,851 Sam, I feel utterly defeated. 265 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:03,397 Here you came to me as a friend asking for my advice, 266 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:06,317 - and I let you down. - I know. 267 00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:12,990 Is there anything I can do to help you in this time of crisis? 268 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,952 Not dressed. 269 00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:21,249 What a shot! 270 00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:28,214 Sam, maybe you ought to call the bookie again. 271 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:32,552 Sit down for a minute here, will you. 272 00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:38,182 Woody, you know that old expression, "When you win a bet, 273 00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:40,184 you never get paid for eight days"? 274 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:44,897 - No, but I like it. - Well, it's an old Irish expression. 275 00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:48,067 Which is probably why the bookie hasn't shown up yet. 276 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:51,404 But you know what, it gives you an opportunity 277 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:55,324 - to do some financial planning. - Financial planning? 278 00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,785 Yeah. Yeah, you know, like spreading out the payments 279 00:17:57,952 --> 00:18:00,746 over a period of time, just like they do with the lottery winners. 280 00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,541 - Lottery winners? - Yeah, yeah. All right. Listen. 281 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:08,462 Here's my plan. Now, I'll keep the $10,000 for you 282 00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:12,133 and I'll give you, let's say, $1 a week for 10,000 weeks. 283 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:18,097 Or, all right, maybe the deluxe plan. Two bucks for 5000 weeks. 284 00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,849 What do you say? 285 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:23,769 Well, it's a tough choice, but I think out of those, 286 00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,855 I'll stick to the whole thing at once. 287 00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,356 - You're kidding me! - No. 288 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:32,236 No, you're missing the obvious benefit of spreading out the tax burden. 289 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,739 - Am I right, Norm? - Oh, yeah. Great plan. 290 00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:38,200 You'll be real happy you did it when you reach the age of 412, I think. 291 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,959 Let's talk, Woody. Come on. 292 00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,257 Sit down, Woody. 293 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:59,221 I've been trying to think of an easy way of saying this, 294 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:00,556 but I don't think there is any. 295 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,977 I never placed your bet with my bookie. 296 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,729 Here's your thousand dollars back. 297 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,196 You never placed the bet? 298 00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:19,075 No, I was trying to take care of you 299 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,994 the way Coach used to take care of me. 300 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:25,039 And it worked out about as well, too, which scares the hell out of me. 301 00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,138 Sam... 302 00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:44,975 ...I wanna thank you. 303 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,770 You're welcome. 304 00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:52,983 Oh, wait a second here. Why aren't you going crazy? 305 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:57,196 Because it's the nicest thing that anyone ever did for me. 306 00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,531 Are you kidding me? 307 00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:02,368 I mean, not only did I not make the bet, I lied about it. 308 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,745 Woody, you should be going crazy. 309 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,623 It was for my own good, Sam. 310 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:13,671 Come on, man, don't do this to me. 311 00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:18,426 You're out $10,000 because of me. 312 00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:21,303 You couldn't have known how it was gonna turn out. 313 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:23,806 You thought I was gonna lose. 314 00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:26,517 No, wait a second. What difference does that make? 315 00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:30,062 Come on! Man, I cheated you out of $10,000. 316 00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:32,898 I mean, who do I think I am? You should wanna kill me, Woody. 317 00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:35,526 It happened. I really don't see the point in getting angry. 318 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,195 Now, you're not being honest. Now, down deep, you're mad. 319 00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:40,656 - You know you are. - Maybe I am, just a little. 320 00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:43,200 No, you mean, "Hell, yes, I am, Sam!" 321 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:44,702 Come on. 322 00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:48,539 It was still the nicest thing that anyone ever did for me. 323 00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:50,249 You're a great man, Sam. 324 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,002 Oh, man, you're hopeless. 325 00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:58,340 Go on, get out of here. At least let me feel like a jerk in private. 326 00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:01,552 Sure, Sam. 327 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,972 - Sorry. - No, don't say-- 328 00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,397 - Sam? - What? 329 00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:16,150 I can't stand to see you like this. 330 00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:19,153 Would it make you feel better if I took the dollar a week? 331 00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:29,747 Come on, man. A dollar a week is meaningless. 332 00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:32,541 How about a dollar a week and a raise? 333 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,085 Nice gesture. Not good enough. 334 00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:36,921 Okay. 335 00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:39,632 How about a dollar a week, a raise... 336 00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:43,052 ...and your Corvette? 337 00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:49,600 My car? 338 00:21:51,685 --> 00:21:53,771 Not a chance. 339 00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:58,025 - Why not? - Don't be ridiculous. It's my car. 340 00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:04,782 - But you owe me $10,000. - I don't care. I mean, it's my car. 341 00:22:04,782 --> 00:22:06,826 But you said you wanted to make it up to me. 342 00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:09,870 We're talking about my car, Woody. 343 00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:11,330 I see. 344 00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:14,208 You say you're sorry, 345 00:22:14,375 --> 00:22:16,710 you say you care, but when it comes down to it, 346 00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:18,629 - it's just a lot of lip motion. - No-- 347 00:22:18,796 --> 00:22:20,297 Well, I think that stinks! 348 00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:23,467 - That's good. - You're nothing but a selfish, 349 00:22:23,634 --> 00:22:25,469 - lying creep! - That's good. That's good. 350 00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:27,221 - You're angry now. - Oh, you bet I am! 351 00:22:27,388 --> 00:22:29,974 - Now I'm gonna go pack my bags. - Oh, no. Wait a second. 352 00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:31,308 What are you doing? What do you mean? 353 00:22:31,308 --> 00:22:36,313 Oh, you're my boss and I yelled at you, I can't stick around. 354 00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:40,401 Woody, Woody, Woody. That was just a little yelling. 355 00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:43,529 - Now, that doesn't mean anything. - Well, no, but I've never yelled 356 00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,614 at anybody like that before in my life. 357 00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:47,700 - We can't be friends anymore. - Woody, come on. 358 00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:51,161 Woody, friends yell at each other. It's okay. 359 00:22:51,328 --> 00:22:54,665 Coach and I used to fight all the time, but we were good friends. 360 00:22:54,665 --> 00:22:55,666 - Really? - Yeah. 361 00:22:56,834 --> 00:22:59,336 Yeah, as a matter of fact, it made us closer sometimes. 362 00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:01,922 - Oh, sure. - No, I'm serious. 363 00:23:03,257 --> 00:23:05,301 Come here. Come here. Listen. 364 00:23:05,509 --> 00:23:07,928 Coach was a great peacemaker. He had this little trick. 365 00:23:08,095 --> 00:23:11,432 He'd... You know, after a big fight, he'd make us 366 00:23:11,599 --> 00:23:14,685 put our arms around each other and sing "Home, Home on the Range." 367 00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:19,398 - I know. It sounds pretty silly, huh? - Yeah. 368 00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:25,237 Well, do it for me anyway. Come on, Woody. 369 00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:29,700 Come on. Yeah, there you go. 370 00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:34,371 Coach used to start me out on the first few notes. 371 00:23:35,164 --> 00:23:38,250 Oh, give me a home 372 00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:41,211 Where the buffalo roam 373 00:23:41,879 --> 00:23:46,133 And the deer and the antelope play 374 00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:48,385 - How long we gotta sing this? - Half an hour. 375 00:23:48,594 --> 00:23:50,804 Coach said that if you could sing "Home on the Range" 376 00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:53,265 with a man for half an hour, you couldn't possibly hold a grudge. 377 00:23:54,350 --> 00:23:57,770 Where seldom is heard 378 00:23:57,937 --> 00:24:00,898 A discouraging word 379 00:24:00,898 --> 00:24:06,111 And the skies are not cloudy all day 380 00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:08,864 - You feeling better? - I still want your car. 381 00:24:09,031 --> 00:24:12,701 Home, home on the range 382 00:24:12,701 --> 00:24:16,914 Where the deer and the antelope play 383 00:24:17,081 --> 00:24:20,793 - Coach's old trick. - Oh, good. Everything's okay. 384 00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:23,170 A discouraging word 385 00:24:23,379 --> 00:24:27,633 And the skies are not cloudy all day 386 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,971 Home, home on the range