1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:04,755
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,172 --> 00:00:09,968
Woody, let me have a CC, rocks...
3
00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:16,225
Something with a twist and whatever
else table ten was drinking.
4
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,727
Boy, your batteries
are running low there, Carla.
5
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:22,523
I got two sick kids,
kept me up half the night.
6
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:27,110
The neighbor's dog went into heat
at 5:00 this morning.
7
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,030
And I am in the middle
of a double shift here.
8
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:33,116
Well, on the bright side,
you look like hell.
9
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:40,040
Oh, dear. I think this calls
for drastic measures.
10
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,417
- G-6?
- Yeah.
11
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:45,420
Oh, no. Not G-6.
12
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:22,833
And leave it off.
13
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,203
Good lord, Sam,
14
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:44,498
have you been swimming laps
in that cologne of yours?
15
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:48,960
No, I just dropped the bottle
all over the floor in there.
16
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:53,006
Another $2.50 down the drain.
17
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,842
Oh, the big bottle.
18
00:02:57,344 --> 00:03:02,474
Hey. Look, The Three Musketeers
is coming on in ten minutes.
19
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:05,477
- All right.
- Oh, good for you two.
20
00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:06,895
Excellent choice.
21
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:10,982
Of course, there's no substitution
for the Dumas pére novel.
22
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:14,403
But all in all it wasn't
a bad translation into film.
23
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,698
You better believe it.
I love all that dueling.
24
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,283
Yeah, and the best part
is when Curly
25
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,704
backs into that guard's sword
and makes that "boing" sound.
26
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:27,874
What makes me think we're
not talking about the same film?
27
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:31,753
- She probably likes Shemp.
- Right.
28
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:36,591
Is it possible that occasionally
you people might spend an afternoon
29
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,845
doing something that actually
involves intelligent thought?
30
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:43,432
- Like what?
- I can't conceive.
31
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:46,643
And we can all breathe
a sigh of relief for that.
32
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:56,445
Actually, just observing people
can be very interesting.
33
00:03:56,611 --> 00:04:00,073
Don't you ever make up little stories
about the people you see in the bar?
34
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,074
Nope.
35
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:05,746
Well, for example,
this couple over here.
36
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,456
What's their story?
37
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:12,043
That's a guy and a girl
having a drink. Fascinating.
38
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:17,257
Come on, you can do better than that.
Just use a little imagination.
39
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,926
Okay, that's a guy...
40
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:24,139
...and a naked girl having a drink.
41
00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:25,891
That's funny, right?
42
00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:28,643
No kidding, fellas.
That was really nifty.
43
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,520
I appreciate you taking me.
44
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,647
Where did they take you, Woody?
45
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:36,026
Well, we watched the
Greater Boston Women's 10K run.
46
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,611
I should've known.
47
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,780
No, now wait a minute.
Hold on there, Diane.
48
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,323
We happen to think it's inspiring
49
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:43,325
to watch a bunch of women
excel in a sport
50
00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:46,578
from which only until recently
they've been barred from competing.
51
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:49,372
Well, I'm sorry, Clifford.
I guess I misjudged you.
52
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,834
Besides, there wasn't
a bra on the field.
53
00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:57,255
It was an awfully chilly morning,
if you know what I mean.
54
00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:00,550
More coffee for Chuckles.
55
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:01,968
Who?
56
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,345
That guy over there.
57
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,598
Haven't you noticed him?
58
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,059
He's been sitting there
for a couple hours
59
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,436
drinking coffee and staring at us.
60
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,065
So, what's the problem?
61
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:18,235
I'll tell you what's the problem.
He doesn't smile. He doesn't talk.
62
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:19,986
He looks at me like I'm not there.
63
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,448
You'd think I'd slept with him
or something.
64
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,911
So what?
He's not bothering anyone.
65
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:29,579
He's bothering me.
66
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:31,206
He gives me the creeps.
67
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,126
Look. See that?
He's writing something down.
68
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,212
- Now, what do you think he's up to?
- Come on.
69
00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:39,464
For all we know,
he's writing down a shopping list.
70
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:43,176
Well, here's the perfect chance
for us to play our little game.
71
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,845
Oh, yeah? What game's that?
72
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:50,267
Well, we were just fantasizing
about customers in the bar,
73
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:54,729
making up little stories about them.
Two beers, Woody.
74
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:58,191
Well, he's probably a writer
or a poet or something.
75
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,818
Oh, that's very good.
76
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,778
What do you think
he's writing, Woody?
77
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:05,115
Well, I hope he's not writing
about a boy and his dog
78
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:08,869
who roam through the countryside
doing good deeds and drinking beer.
79
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,247
Why?
80
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:14,457
Because that's the story I'm writing.
81
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,462
He's still looking at us.
82
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,593
So, what's the big deal? As long
as he's minding his own business.
83
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,596
That's just it, Sam.
He's not minding his own business.
84
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,223
It's like he's spying on us.
85
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,729
See that? He just wrote
something else down.
86
00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,898
There's an easy way
to figure out what he's up to.
87
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,275
- Somebody just go ask him.
- Oh, let me.
88
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,652
All right.
89
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:46,823
I'm from the Midwest, and we have
kind of a down-home charm
90
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:49,075
that makes people
kind of open up to us.
91
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:57,792
Howdy. I'm Woody Boyd
from Hanover, Indiana.
92
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,128
That's the place mat capital
of the world.
93
00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:04,966
My mother's name's Margaret
and my father's name's Edgel.
94
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,677
My favorite color is blue
and I've saved all my baby teeth.
95
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:08,511
How about you?
96
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:11,431
Go away.
97
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:19,981
What'd you find out?
98
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,610
I've lived kind of a dull life.
99
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,832
Look, what's he doing now?
100
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,418
I'd say he's fixing a cigarette lighter
of some sort.
101
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,712
Yeah. Yeah. Perhaps
to the terminally naive.
102
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:46,758
Those of us in the know can spot
103
00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:49,678
a highly sensitive
Rolleiflex espionage camera.
104
00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:53,098
Yep. Yeah, look, he's taking pictures
of us right now.
105
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:55,517
Oh, come on, man.
106
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:58,103
Just because he looks
like a spy and acts like a spy,
107
00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:00,355
it doesn't mean he is a spy, does it?
108
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,232
I think it pretty much does, Sam.
109
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,360
Well, it certainly isn't unheard of
110
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:08,571
for an individual to come
under some sort of surveillance.
111
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,448
As soon as you get into a computer
112
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:12,409
hundreds of organizations
have information
113
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,661
about every aspect
of your personal life.
114
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,163
- Wow, really?
- Yes.
115
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,708
In fact, you could be bugged
right now.
116
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:24,004
Well, now that you mention it,
I am a little ticked, but I guess...
117
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:32,971
You don't suppose
this guy's with, like, the CIA
118
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:35,557
- or FBI or anything, do you?
- Could be.
119
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,392
Or he may be...
120
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:38,643
All right, I'll say it.
121
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,271
He may be with the KGB.
122
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,649
Come to think of it,
this guy does kind of have
123
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,526
a detective look about him.
124
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,195
All right, let's go over the four things
we know about him:
125
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,447
He's been here since we opened,
126
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:54,868
he's not drinking,
he's not waiting for a table upstairs.
127
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:58,204
Actually, that's only three.
Anybody else know anything?
128
00:08:58,663 --> 00:08:59,956
You're an idiot.
129
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:02,834
That would be four then.
130
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:07,130
You know, if he's a detective,
he's obviously after one of us.
131
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:10,008
If it was anyone else, he would've
followed them right out the door.
132
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,052
We're the only ones who have
been here the whole time he has.
133
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,762
Look, I got an idea.
134
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,723
I'm gonna go call him
on the phone and distract him.
135
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:20,268
Cliff, you go see what he's been
writing about us, and don't get caught.
136
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,145
Oh, no, don't worry about that.
137
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:24,439
Even if he does,
he won't get anything out of me.
138
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,482
You don't know anything.
139
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:34,783
Cheers.
140
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,661
Yeah, who may--?
Who may I say is calling?
141
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,376
Excuse me, sir, phone for you.
142
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:49,005
- Who is it?
- They didn't say.
143
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:50,882
Take a number.
144
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:54,135
Five.
145
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:01,392
Oh, they hung up. Probably call back.
146
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:03,728
Man.
147
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:08,316
He didn't even take a phone call.
This is getting weird.
148
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:11,444
All right. Look, we gotta go to
some private place and have a huddle.
149
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,696
All right, how about my office.
150
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,658
Sam, aren't you forgetting
about your cologne?
151
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:19,202
Come on, would you?
It's had all day to wear off.
152
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:24,958
Okay. We'll give it
a few more minutes.
153
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,795
The ladies' room. He's never
gonna walk in on us there.
154
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,172
Don't you think that'll look
a little weird?
155
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:35,176
Well, not if we go in one at a time
so he doesn't notice.
156
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,263
Woody, cover the bar.
157
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:57,782
I think we could've spaced it out
a little better.
158
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,871
Okay, if anybody here
159
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,373
knows any reason
why their personal conduct
160
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:08,209
should be coming
under investigation,
161
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:11,337
I hope they have enough hormones
to step forward and say so.
162
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:22,515
Okay.
163
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:23,975
Okay.
164
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,186
I'll bet it's Woody.
165
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,607
Come on, man. That's crazy.
166
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,233
Why, Sam?
167
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:36,487
The fact that he's not here to defend
himself makes him the perfect choice.
168
00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:38,114
Well, yeah, there's that.
169
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:40,450
But, also...
170
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:42,827
Well, what do we know
about Woody, huh?
171
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:44,996
I mean, he comes in here
off the street out of nowhere.
172
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:48,333
Sam gives him a job.
No résumé, no nothing, huh?
173
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,128
For all we know, he could be
in cahoots with that guy.
174
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,463
I say Woody's a plant.
175
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,216
Only from the neck up.
176
00:11:58,426 --> 00:11:59,886
Come on, Cliff.
177
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:03,681
Think about it. Woody?
I mean, you're a little off base here, pal.
178
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,141
- Oh, am I?
- Yeah.
179
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:10,230
Well, he just might've infiltrated
the bar to keep tabs on you, Norm.
180
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:14,067
Me? What for?
181
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,319
Oh, he's just saying you
hypothetically.
182
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,488
- Well.
- Not really.
183
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:22,659
What's that supposed
to mean, Cliff?
184
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,702
Think I'm some sort of
crooked accountant, is that it?
185
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:27,747
No, no, no, Norm. I'm just...
186
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:30,583
...postulating the possibility there
that the IRS
187
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,044
might think your accounting's
a little creative.
188
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,129
Oh, yeah? Creative, huh?
189
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:37,423
I say the guy might be
a postal investigator, Cliff.
190
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,676
You haven't bought a stamp
since the Johnson administration.
191
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:43,721
And I'm talking about Andrew, pal.
Andrew Johnson.
192
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:47,558
Take that back right now.
I've been a postman for 11 years.
193
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:50,270
- Relax. Take it easy.
- Oh, sure, relax.
194
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,105
From
Mr Love-Them-and-Leave-Them here.
195
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,774
For all we know, he's sniffing out
a paternity suit on you.
196
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,317
Oh, come on.
197
00:12:56,901 --> 00:13:00,571
I think we might be getting
a little carried away.
198
00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:04,409
And this from the woman
who toured Europe on her back.
199
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,833
That's it. That's it!
200
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,419
The guy's upsetting my customers
and my business.
201
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,337
I'm gonna go find out
what he's doing.
202
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,047
Sam.
203
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,174
Sam.
204
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:21,259
Please.
205
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,012
I know. I know.
You guys are trying to talk me out
206
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:25,805
of making those charitable
contributions,
207
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,098
but somebody's gotta do it.
208
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:29,600
Hey, buddy...
209
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:33,021
Listen, what's your story here?
210
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,732
- You come in here and you--
- Sam.
211
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:37,442
He's a friend of mine.
212
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:40,361
- You know this guy?
- Yes.
213
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,490
Thank you, Irving.
You may leave now.
214
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,702
- Sure. See you in class.
- Okay.
215
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:52,623
We went zooey
over a guy named Irving?
216
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,668
He's a member
of my psychology class.
217
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:59,797
He's assisting me in a little
experiment about paranoia.
218
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:02,842
What do you mean, "experiment"?
219
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:07,305
Well, the idea was to introduce
a foreign element into an established,
220
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,600
secure environment in order
to observe the ensuing behavior.
221
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:14,228
I, for one, found it extremely
interesting and highly educational.
222
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:20,318
Didn't all of you find it extremely
interesting and highly educational?
223
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,195
Anybody?
224
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,283
Oh, come on. Don't get mad.
225
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:28,576
It's silly to get mad.
226
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,329
Diane, we don't get mad.
227
00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:51,140
Pardon me, Diane.
228
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,853
Excuse me, is there anything
on my back, like a "kick me" sign?
229
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,940
- No.
- Thank you.
230
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:03,820
For several days I've been expecting
the people here to get back at me
231
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,071
for something I did.
232
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,490
I brought a man in...
233
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,450
Wait a minute.
Why are you so curious?
234
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:13,371
Just do your crossword
and mind your own beeswax.
235
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:18,918
Oh, hey, Miss Chambers.
236
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:22,338
I stopped into the bakery on the way
in to work and I got some muffins.
237
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:23,423
Would you like one?
238
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:27,927
Oh, here it is. Muffins?
239
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,513
Yeah, blueberry or bran.
Which one do you want?
240
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,348
Which one do you want, Woody?
241
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,060
I'll take the blueberry, I think.
242
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,647
No, no. I'll take the blueberry.
243
00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:41,399
Okay.
244
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,568
Wait.
245
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,446
It's okay with you that I take
the blueberry? Then I want the bran.
246
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,241
Sure, Miss Chambers. Enjoy it.
247
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,761
I just love the feel of warm muffins
in the morning.
248
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:13,556
You a little nervous or something?
249
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:17,101
Me, nervous? I'm not nervous.
I'm not a bit nervous.
250
00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:18,603
I'm positively placid.
251
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,564
- Hello, everyone.
- Oh, Frasier.
252
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:24,275
Thank God you're here.
What took you so long?
253
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:25,943
I came as soon as I got
your message.
254
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:29,906
- Well, I called your office hours ago.
- Well, I'd stepped out to Denver.
255
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,160
Well, if I'd known
you were out of town
256
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,162
I would never have expected you
to come here.
257
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:39,540
Oh, no, no, no. Don't be silly. Listen,
I was fed up with Denver anyway.
258
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:42,418
Breathtaking mountains,
wide-open spaces,
259
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:45,838
that hauntingly beautiful woman that
kept coming onto me in the ski lodge.
260
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,841
Oh, good. Well, as long as
you're here, I wanna talk with you.
261
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,593
Woody, there's a little bit
under that chair.
262
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:56,140
Diane, I've dreamed of this day.
263
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,975
Oh, Frasier.
264
00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:01,229
I hope you didn't misinterpret
my message
265
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:04,148
as a wish to rekindle our romance.
266
00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:08,903
No, of course not.
267
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,447
This is Tuesday, right?
268
00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:15,952
When I said I dreamed of this day,
I meant I dreamt of Tuesday.
269
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:20,289
Listen, I am very proud of the fact
that I am completely over you.
270
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,542
Now, what is it?
271
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:26,963
Well, the other day
I was conducting an experiment
272
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,507
for my Behavioral Sciences Colloquium.
273
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,092
- I brought a man in.
- Man. What man?
274
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,555
A classmate. Oh, never mind.
275
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,266
The point is that I played
this harmless trick on them,
276
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,017
and now they're going
to get back at me.
277
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:43,521
At first I approached it
with my usual good humor,
278
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:47,233
but now I find I'm obsessed.
I need your help.
279
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,819
Well, I think one or two sessions
should clear it up.
280
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:53,364
Oh, Frasier, I don't want counselling.
I want you to spy on them.
281
00:17:56,784 --> 00:18:01,539
Get close to them. Find out what
heinous revenge they have planned--!
282
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:05,710
Diane, look at yourself.
283
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:08,504
No wonder you're such easy fodder
for their little pranks.
284
00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:11,757
Look, the problem is
you take everything so seriously.
285
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:15,261
Take it from me, who used to do
the same thing, it's not worth it.
286
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:18,431
I'm much happier now
that I let things bounce off of me.
287
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,225
Now that I'm happy-go-lucky
Frasier Crane.
288
00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:28,983
Frasier, you're right.
I do take things too seriously.
289
00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,193
I need to lighten up a little.
290
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,862
Great. Now that we've
taken care of that,
291
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:36,866
do you think there's any chance
that you'll ever love me again
292
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,534
before I lie moldering in the grave?
293
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:42,121
Oh, I'm joking, of course.
294
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:47,376
It's just another example
of my devil-may-care attitude.
295
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:51,005
Well, you've been a big help.
Thank you.
296
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,634
Diane, there's somebody
here who wants to talk to you.
297
00:18:58,095 --> 00:18:59,472
- Yes?
- Miss Chambers,
298
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:03,351
I'm Martin Gallagher, WLBD,
public broadcasting.
299
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:07,813
One of your professors at the
university sent us some of your poetry.
300
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,441
And we thought you'd make
a wonderful guest
301
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,444
for our program,
Boston's Working Poets.
302
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,321
- Really?
- Yes.
303
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,531
- You want me to appear on television?
- Yes.
304
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,992
- Well, I'm honored.
- Well, you should be.
305
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,662
- Isn't that great?
- Oh, yes, it's really...
306
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,123
...unbelievable.
307
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:29,126
Why don't you tell me
a bit more about your show.
308
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:32,797
Well, the concept is part-time poets
309
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:36,050
in their working habitat
reading their own verse.
310
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,970
- Won't that be exciting?
- Why, yes.
311
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:42,098
Little old me on television.
My, my, my.
312
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:46,811
- Well, when do we get started?
- Well, would right now be all right?
313
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:49,772
Your Mr. Malone
has kindly offered his poolroom.
314
00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:51,732
Well, wasn't that nice of him?
315
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,818
I guess right now would be perfect,
wouldn't it?
316
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:56,195
- Well, good.
- Let me show you where to set up.
317
00:19:56,195 --> 00:20:02,910
So nice of you to drop by Cheers
where I serve the public many beers.
318
00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:05,287
This is it.
319
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:08,708
Are you sure?
320
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,501
I doubt if the collective intelligence
of them
321
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:12,670
could devise
this complicated a ruse.
322
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,755
I'm absolutely sure.
323
00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:18,300
They expect me to give
a sensitive rendition of my poetry.
324
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,719
And then at some future date
325
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:24,014
they'll play it back while they swill beer
and throw spitwads at the screen
326
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,058
and make unpleasant animal noises.
327
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,520
Well, I'm not going to fall for it.
328
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:34,024
- I have a little surprise for them.
- Now, that's the spirit.
329
00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:36,318
Oh, Diane, what a couple
we'd have made.
330
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:38,571
Two irrepressible zanies.
331
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:42,199
Wow, Miss Chambers, what kind
of poetry are you gonna recite?
332
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:44,702
You too, Woody.
333
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:49,915
Oh, what a tangled web we weave
when first we practice to deceive.
334
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:53,753
Well, I hate to burst your bubble,
but I've heard that before.
335
00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:00,593
- We're ready for you, Miss Chambers.
- Yes, I'm sure you are.
336
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,346
- And I'm ready for you.
- Good. You just stand over here.
337
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:07,183
Aren't you going to give me
a clever introduction?
338
00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:08,768
Oh, we'll dub that in later.
339
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:12,772
- Oh, why didn't I think of that?
- And roll camera.
340
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,900
As soon as you're ready,
Miss Chambers, just begin.
341
00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:21,071
Well, I would like to begin
with one of my favorites,
342
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:26,202
and I hope you'll like it too.
It's called "Ode to a Cornish Hen."
343
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:55,105
Sam, if you have an ounce
of humanity, turn that off.
344
00:22:03,364 --> 00:22:05,366
What did you think
you were doing up there?
345
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:12,706
- I didn't think it was a real show.
- Are you kidding me?
346
00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:15,251
I mean, who would make up
something that boring?
347
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,171
Well, I thought you did.
348
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,881
I thought it was a joke.
349
00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:24,468
I figured that you set it up
to get back at me
350
00:22:24,635 --> 00:22:27,763
because of my psychology
experiment.
351
00:22:28,305 --> 00:22:31,100
What a great joke.
I wish we had thought of that.
352
00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:34,353
I can't think of it now.
353
00:22:38,232 --> 00:22:41,861
I made an absolute ass of myself.
354
00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:45,614
Oh, come on, Diane. Lighten up.
It wasn't that bad. It really wasn't.
355
00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:48,826
Heck, no. I've known chickens
who can't do that as well as you.
356
00:22:50,786 --> 00:22:52,705
Hey, hey, come on.
It's no big deal.
357
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:54,498
Nobody watches that stuff.
358
00:22:56,625 --> 00:22:58,419
It's not just the show.
359
00:23:00,629 --> 00:23:04,091
After I filmed that thing,
I felt kind of good
360
00:23:04,258 --> 00:23:06,427
thinking that you guys
had gone to all that trouble
361
00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:10,180
to get back at me
like you would with each other.
362
00:23:10,890 --> 00:23:14,059
And I was thinking of myself
as one of the gang,
363
00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:18,314
and now I don't know whether
I'm more disappointed at that
364
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:19,982
awful display on television
365
00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:22,735
or the fact that you still
think of me as an outsider.
366
00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:23,944
Oh, boy.
367
00:23:26,363 --> 00:23:29,241
I'm sorry if...
I don't know what to say...
368
00:23:30,034 --> 00:23:32,411
Go into my place, lie down.
Take as much time as you want.
369
00:23:32,578 --> 00:23:35,956
- Feel better.
- Thank you, Sam.
370
00:23:55,392 --> 00:23:57,770
I love you guys!