1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,546 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,884 - Evening, everybody. - Norm! 3 00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:12,262 - What can I do for you, Mr Peterson? - Elope with my wife. 4 00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:13,514 What do you think, huh? 5 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,890 - How you doing? - Hey, Cliff ie. 6 00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:17,059 Pretend we're having a normal conversation, huh? 7 00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:18,810 With you? 8 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:22,564 Party. My house. Saturday. 9 00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:24,608 Twelve noon sharp. You're invited. 10 00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:27,402 - A party at noon? - Keep it under your hat, will you? 11 00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,906 You're the only one in the bar I invited. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. 12 00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:34,284 - Hurt mine. - Norm, Norm, Norm. 13 00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:37,996 Look, we're gonna have plenty of beer, cold cuts galore, a big bucket of slaw. 14 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,414 Oh, you're gonna love it. 15 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,501 And we're gonna maybe do a little painting. 16 00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:45,337 - Painting? - Well, just the attic. 17 00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:48,549 That's not the point. I'm inviting a lot of the guys from the post office. 18 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,842 - It'll be a great time. - I don't think so, Clifford. 19 00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:53,679 - Hey, what's the problem here, Norm? - You know I hate to paint. 20 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,430 - You know that. - Yeah, so who doesn't? 21 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:59,142 But, hey, with all these guys around there, it'll take no time at all. 22 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:01,603 Oh, all right. But don't tell Vera, all right? 23 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:04,398 She'd get upset. I haven't finished painting our house yet. 24 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,191 Oh, how far have you gotten? 25 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:07,901 Oh, I bought the little hat. 26 00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:27,939 I am so tired tonight. I can't wait to get home and take a nice hot bath. 27 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:31,568 What? Little Miss Popularity has a free evening? 28 00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:34,571 Don't tell me you've been through all the men in Boston. 29 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,866 Oh, really, Frasier. 30 00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:40,369 I heard you used to be a psychiatrist, Dr. Crane. 31 00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:44,122 Yes, I once belonged to that ridiculous profession 32 00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:47,334 where pompous intellectuals get together and discuss the illusion 33 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:50,545 that there's something they can do to alter the human situation 34 00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:55,759 and deny that man is condemned to a life of bitterness and despair. 35 00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,178 Yeah, but you got your weekends off. 36 00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:04,935 I'm sorry, will you excuse me. 37 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:08,313 Poor Frasier. Lost his job, and all he's got working for him 38 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:09,523 is a drinking problem. 39 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:14,403 Well, you know, we ought to help Dr. Crane. I mean, we're his friends. 40 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,655 Somebody ought to give him a good talking to. 41 00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:19,074 Don't you think I've done that? 42 00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:22,786 You can't imagine how long and how hard I've talked. 43 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,872 Oh, yes, we can. 44 00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,000 He's lost his self-esteem. 45 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:33,588 Without that, how can he hope to practice his profession? 46 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:37,134 You know what Frasier needs? He needs to come out of the bullpen 47 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,178 and get his first out. You know, get his confidence back, his rhythm. 48 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,265 Sam, you're right. If he could only cure someone. 49 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:45,559 Do we know someone with a problem? 50 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,774 Yeah, stumper. 51 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,569 Come on, doesn't anyone want to talk to Frasier? 52 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,113 - I mean, he's a trained psychiatrist. - Hey, you're the one 53 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:02,242 who had her brain overhauled. Aren't you still under warranty or something? 54 00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:09,040 If I talk to him in any personal way, he'll interpret it as a romantic overture. 55 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,835 Look, we don't even need someone with a real problem. 56 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:14,421 One of you could go to him with some symptoms, 57 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:17,215 let him advise you, wait a while, then tell him you feel better. 58 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,384 I don't know, Diane. 59 00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:21,178 I think it's a good plan. 60 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:26,057 - Well, thank you, Woody. - It's quick, it's simple, 61 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:29,102 and you don't have to send away for one of those kits or anything. 62 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:30,979 What kits? 63 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,983 You know, like the coyote does in the Road Runner cartoons. 64 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:39,946 By the way, now, I always wondered, if he can afford to buy those kits 65 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:43,074 to catch the Road Runner, why can't he afford to buy something to eat? 66 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,037 Woody, I think you're missing the point here. 67 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:51,208 It's not that Wile E. Coyote wants to eat, necessarily, 68 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,084 or that he wants to eat a roadrunner. 69 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:56,880 What he wants is to eat that particular roadrunner. 70 00:04:58,215 --> 00:04:59,883 It's very existential. 71 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,803 We're trying to save a man's life here. 72 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:06,890 Yeah, Cliff, really. Besides, I have to disagree with you, you know. 73 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,850 You never see the coyote eat anything else. 74 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:13,021 Think about it. You never really see him eat anything at all, 75 00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:15,357 which could be why he's missing the damn bird all the time, you know. 76 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,652 The brain needs sugar. Think about it. You gotta clamp... 77 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,862 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But did you guys ever see the one 78 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:23,657 - where there were two roadrunners? - Two roadrunners? 79 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,492 - Sam, Sam, Sam. - What? 80 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,245 I think this plan will work, and you're the one that has to do it. 81 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:31,706 Me? Oh, come on. You can't expect me to pull something over on Frasier. 82 00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:33,416 I don't know anything about psychology. 83 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:36,336 But you have no idea how simple this will be. I'm talking about something 84 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,922 as easy as, say, depression. 85 00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:40,590 - Depression? - Yes. 86 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:46,304 The symptoms are loss of appetite, inability to sleep, loss of sex drive. 87 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,560 Loss of sex drive, like in not wanting to have any sex? 88 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,604 Forget it. No, no, no. I don't like to lie about things like that. 89 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,774 Oh, Sam, why not? 90 00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:01,736 Well, when I was a kid, I used to make goofy faces. My mom used to say, 91 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:03,947 "Don't do that. It may stay that way." 92 00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:08,076 I'm not doing anything goofy with my sex life. No, I'm sorry. Come on. 93 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:12,622 Sam, Sam, Sam. Do this for me, and I'll owe you a big, big favor 94 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:16,960 that doesn't involve sex, sex or sex. 95 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,795 - How about sex? - Or sex. 96 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,174 Hey, Woody, pour me a beer, will you? Thanks. 97 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:26,261 Sam, do it for Frasier, your friend. 98 00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:30,015 Now, there's a head I can shrink. 99 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:34,978 - Say, Frasier. - Yeah, Sam? 100 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:39,441 Can I talk to you for a minute in my office, please? This won't take long. 101 00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:43,737 Look, Sam, I know my bar bill's way up there, 102 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,865 but I'm gonna be selling off part of my library, possibly some office furniture. 103 00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:50,243 No, no, no, forget it. I mean, I want you to pay your bar bill, 104 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,870 but that's not what I want to talk about. 105 00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:55,832 Frasier, I got a problem. I'm depressed. 106 00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,083 Oh, hey, who isn't? 107 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:01,713 Oh, well, no, no, no. This is serious. 108 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,215 I think I need some professional help on this one. 109 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:09,596 I can't eat, can't sleep and I can't have sex. 110 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,433 - Those are the classic symptoms. - Well, the sex part's not that bad. 111 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,851 I don't even know why I brought it up. 112 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,564 Well, what do you think has caused this problem? 113 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:21,107 The completely nonsexual one? 114 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:26,237 Well, I don't know. I don't know. What do you think it is? 115 00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:28,990 You know, you're the only person I trust to listen to on this one. 116 00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:33,203 Well, okay, Sam, I think I have some advice for you. 117 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:38,541 - Oh, good. What? - Well, get yourself a qualified therapist 118 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,335 to help you get over your depression. 119 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:43,838 And when you do, give me his name. 120 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:48,426 No way can a coyote survive a gunpowder sandwich. 121 00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:54,557 Well, I suppose that proves that the coyote's the Antichrist. Come on. 122 00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:02,983 Well, I can tell by the look on your face and Frasier's that it didn't go well. 123 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:06,444 Not only did it not work, but I had to tell another man 124 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,279 that my equipment was on the fritz. 125 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,199 It was humiliating. 126 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:17,288 Well, I really appreciate that you gave it a try, Sam. 127 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,456 Thank you. 128 00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,626 Oh, wait a minute. You still owe me a favor here, don't you? 129 00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:24,379 Oh, I suppose I do. Do you have something in mind? 130 00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,422 Yeah, let's go to bed. 131 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,426 Sam, have you forgotten my caveats? 132 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:31,553 Almost. I was hoping to refresh my memory. 133 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:41,062 Good morning, one and all. I feel delicious. 134 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:44,065 - Well, good morning, Frasier. - Good morning. 135 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,651 - Coffee. May I, Sam? - Sure. 136 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,903 - Certainly. - Listen, Diane, if you wouldn't mind, 137 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:51,698 I'd like to have a word in private with Sam. 138 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,408 - Of course. Help yourself. - Thank you. 139 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:57,662 Sam, I had the most incredible evening. 140 00:08:57,662 --> 00:09:00,749 Last night I dreamed about something not Diane. 141 00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:03,418 Well, she was in the background chattering on about something. Naked. 142 00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:07,505 But the important thing is I was a therapist again. 143 00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:10,800 And you were my patient, and we were discussing that problem. 144 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,344 - Problem? What problem? - You know, the one about your-- 145 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:16,848 Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way 146 00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:19,476 Why don't we just go into my office and talk about it there. 147 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:21,269 - I'm sorry it's so messy. - All right. 148 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:24,272 I got home last night, and I couldn't get your problem out of my mind. 149 00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:26,983 - I think I've got a handle on it. - Well, great. 150 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:30,612 Your whole problem stems from the fact that you're still in love with Diane. 151 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,615 You've been suppressing that emotion, denying it. 152 00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:35,742 Well, what's your opinion about that? 153 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,037 Let me go find out. I mean, let me think it out. 154 00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:41,414 I think better out here, more light. 155 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,543 - I hope you're happy. - Why? What happened? 156 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,254 Frasier thinks I'm depressed because I'm in love with you. 157 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,049 Oh, dear. I didn't see that coming. 158 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,676 Yeah. I'm gonna go back in there and tell him the truth 159 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,221 - before this gets even more ridiculous. - Oh, Sam. 160 00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:59,516 Didn't you see the bounce in that man's step? The twinkle in his eye? 161 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,893 Let him think he made a good diagnosis. 162 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:05,480 What harm could it possibly do? 163 00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:08,608 Oh, I don't know. As long as you don't think I'm in love with you. 164 00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:11,152 - Well, I don't. - All right. 165 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:13,321 Not entirely. 166 00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:15,240 At all. 167 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,117 Much. 168 00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:19,661 Not a bit. 169 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,580 Mostly. 170 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,875 - Okay, you got it. - Got what? 171 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,711 Oh, come on. We don't have to rehash this over and over again. 172 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:33,341 - You said it, and I agree with it. - But trust me. Sam, say it. 173 00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:37,053 Take a step toward feeling stronger and better. 174 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:41,015 Free yourself. Sam, say it now. 175 00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:49,816 Okay. Okay. 176 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:53,611 - I love Diane. - Oh, God, it's true. 177 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,748 Thank you, Sam. 178 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:09,085 You're welcome. Are you all right? 179 00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:12,589 I'm better than all right. I'm reborn. 180 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,633 That revelation was just the catharsis I needed. 181 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,220 I've looked at the truth in its pure, undiluted form. 182 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:22,307 Now I can get on with my life. 183 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:26,978 Oh, well, great. Hey, I feel better. You feel better. What could be better? 184 00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:30,190 No, just a second, Sam. You've only just begun. 185 00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,901 - What do you mean? - You've admitted that you love Diane. 186 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,570 To get rid of your depression, you'll have to admit it to her. 187 00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,614 Sam, you must tell her that you love her. 188 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:42,827 Come on, man, don't make me say that. Don't-- Come on. 189 00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:45,580 - Well, why not? - Because I don't-- 190 00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:48,917 - Because I don't want to. - Come on, man. 191 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:52,545 Tell Diane you love her. Let some fresh air and sunlight in there. 192 00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,840 - Frasier? - What, Sam? 193 00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:58,259 I don't like guys touching my head. 194 00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:02,388 Well, there's our next session. 195 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:08,561 I'm gonna run over to Louis and take a look at the new spring line. 196 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,855 See what I can do for the outer man, eh, Sam? 197 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:14,150 Yeah. Yeah, good idea. So this thing with Diane doesn't have 198 00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,778 - to take place right away? - Oh, yes, it does. 199 00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:19,572 Sam, it's very important. You must tell her immediately. 200 00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:23,076 I'll be back tomorrow, and you can fill me in on everything that transpires. 201 00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:25,828 Every thought, every nuance, every detail. 202 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,456 - Every thought? - Absolutely. Oh, and, Sam, 203 00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:31,167 - this one's on the house. - Oh, great. 204 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,925 - Afternoon, everybody. - Norm! 205 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:42,887 - What can I get you, Mr Peterson? - Clifford Clavin's head. 206 00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:46,474 Well, what are you upset with Mr Clavin about? 207 00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:50,019 I spent the whole day yesterday at Cliff's house at a painting party, 208 00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,105 and I was the only one who showed up. 209 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,109 I painted all day while Cliff and his mother 210 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:59,696 argued over who forgot to pick up the food and beer. 211 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,323 Did they at least thank you for your hard work? 212 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:07,662 Well, Woody, that depends if you consider "your friend sweats like a mule" a thank you. 213 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:13,293 No, that's really more like polite conversation. 214 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:17,297 Hey, what a party. What a night. 215 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:23,136 Hey, Norm. Tell me, did I make an ass out of myself, huh? 216 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:26,180 I'd bet on it. 217 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:34,480 Sam, calm down. There's nothing to be excited about. 218 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,525 Tell Frasier you told me you loved me. 219 00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,193 - Simple as that, huh? - Certainly. 220 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:43,781 Well, for your information, he wants details. Every thought, every moment. 221 00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,368 Oh, dear, you're right. 222 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,746 Knowing Frasier, he'll want a complete account. 223 00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:53,124 - Yeah, right. - Well, it's still quite simple. 224 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:56,544 Tell him you said, "Diane, I love you." 225 00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:59,005 I said, "How very sad for you." 226 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,257 - Then you said-- - No, no, no. Whoa, whoa. 227 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:06,346 This was your stupid plan. Now, if I have to be in love with you, 228 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,097 then you have to be in love with me. 229 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:11,893 - Oh, all right, if it'll help Frasier. - All right. 230 00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:15,063 So I love you, and you're gaga over me. 231 00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:21,152 "Gaga" makes it sound like I'm more in love with you than you are with me. 232 00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:23,279 If we're going to do this, 233 00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:26,574 I want to be only as much in love with you as you are with me. 234 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,203 Okay, I love you, you love me. 235 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:31,871 Now... 236 00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:34,332 ...the story. 237 00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:39,629 Okay, we went out for Chinese, told each other you know what, 238 00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:44,008 and then we went back to my place and tore one off. 239 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:50,306 - Good lord. - What? 240 00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,934 Well, Frasier knows I would never be seduced 241 00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,644 by such a pedestrian approach. 242 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,147 Hey, who said anything about walking? 243 00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:02,402 Fine. Fine. Let me hear your suggestion. This ought to be good. 244 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:04,737 Oh, how about this? 245 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,365 Do you remember that romantic hideaway in Marblehead? 246 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:10,410 - The one with the fabulous seafood? - Yeah. 247 00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:14,997 Tell him we arrived at sunset. 248 00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,457 The maître d'... 249 00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:19,001 - You better write this down. - Oh, I like this. 250 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:22,213 All right. 251 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,050 Sunset. 252 00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:30,263 - We asked for our table. - Yeah, right by the big fireplace. 253 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,975 - With the ocean view. - Okay. 254 00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:35,351 Now, what did we eat? 255 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,313 He's not going to ask you what we ate. 256 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:44,861 We were too hungry to eat. Oh, that's good. That's good. 257 00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:47,613 No, it's not good. 258 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,699 No, no, no. You see, hungry usually means food. 259 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,743 - Now, what I'm doing here-- - No, I get it. 260 00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:56,456 It's just not good. Erase that. 261 00:15:58,374 --> 00:15:59,834 All right. All right. 262 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,757 Tell him you were so filled with passion 263 00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,177 that you pushed the plates aside and grabbed my hand. 264 00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:12,889 "Filled with passion." 265 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:16,851 Then you say what you brought me up there to tell me. 266 00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:20,313 Oh, yeah, yeah. "I love you." 267 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:23,316 Well, Sam, I think you can enhance it a bit. 268 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:26,819 Like, 269 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:30,072 "I love you, Diane. 270 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:34,577 I've always loved you, and I always will, till the day I die. 271 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:39,916 No, not even the grave will diminish my love. Only... 272 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:43,961 Only make its flame burn brighter." 273 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:47,215 Whatever. 274 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:54,180 - Then, of course, it's my turn. - Yeah, right. What do you say to me? 275 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:59,727 I look you in the eyes and I say, "You're not so bad yourself." 276 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:05,942 No, no, no. Come on. After what I just said to you? 277 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:09,695 No, no, no. It's gotta be more. Something like, 278 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,490 "I love you so much, I can't stand it. 279 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,367 As far as I'm concerned, 280 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,828 you're the only person in the world that matters to me, 281 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:21,749 and I'd jump at the chance to be your love slave." 282 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,258 Whatever. 283 00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:32,969 All right, all right, all right. 284 00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:35,596 Okay, so then we go upstairs. 285 00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:38,266 If you insist. 286 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:41,310 We can leave the rest to Frasier's imagination. 287 00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,688 We're already up there, I mean... 288 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,065 I mean, the room is paid for. 289 00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:50,528 All right, all right. I'll just build a fire. 290 00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,406 - If you like. - Yeah. 291 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:56,617 Then go over to the bed, 292 00:17:57,451 --> 00:18:02,164 and I'll start nibbling on your ear. Yeah. You always used to love that. 293 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,001 Oh, yeah. 294 00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:10,172 - What do you mean, "Oh, yeah"? - Oh, nothing. 295 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,425 No, no, no. Come on, what do you mean? 296 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,011 Well, I don't suppose it would do any harm to tell you. 297 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,180 As long as we're on the subject, I never particularly cared for that. 298 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,688 The ear nibbles? 299 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,690 Well, you sure seemed to. 300 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:31,527 I didn't want to upset you, male pride and all that. 301 00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,948 What else did you seem to enjoy? 302 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,410 Everything else was fine. 303 00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:43,539 Just the ear nibbles were annoying. 304 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:49,754 I'm only bringing this up because there's no longer anything between us, and... 305 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,423 - ...we've grown so. - Yeah, yeah. Grown. 306 00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:56,677 You know, while we're on the subject here, 307 00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:59,805 you remember that little yellow nightie you used to wear? 308 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,850 As I recall, I never wore it very long. 309 00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:06,812 - You loved that nightie. - No, no, you just thought I loved it. 310 00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:13,861 - You didn't love it? - It made you look like a big banana. 311 00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:26,457 It's good that we can laugh like this, right? 312 00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:35,383 I can't believe I paraded around in that damn nightgown 313 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:38,844 thinking I was arousing you, and instead, I was amusing you. 314 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:44,642 It wasn't amusing that long. I mean, after a while, it got kind of sad. 315 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:54,443 Why didn't you tell me? 316 00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:59,115 Well, because I knew we'd get in a fight, and you'd end up saying that you hate me. 317 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:02,910 - Well, I do hate you, Sam. - Well, I hate you, Diane. 318 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,789 You're incapable of any originality. 319 00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:10,084 Now, you just said you hate me because I said I hate you. 320 00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:14,171 All right, fine. I'll change mine. Yours was "I hate you." 321 00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:16,757 Mine will be "I hate you!" 322 00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:19,135 Oh, great. 323 00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:22,430 And I just bought three Italian suits. 324 00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:25,433 - Oh, shut up, Frasier! - Sam, what happened here? 325 00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:28,018 Well, the same thing that always happens. She's a nut. 326 00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:29,687 She's certifiably insane. 327 00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:32,148 Look, Sam, is that any way to talk to the woman you love? 328 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:36,235 Oh, come on, Frasier! Let me fill you in here, pal. 329 00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:38,696 I don't love Diane. That was just part of her plan 330 00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:42,158 to make you feel better by making you think that you'd cured me. 331 00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:47,246 - I see. - I'm sorry. 332 00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:51,250 Frasier, you were once a brilliant psychiatrist. 333 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:55,379 We couldn't bear standing by, seeing you throw it all away. 334 00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:58,966 So this is what it's come to. 335 00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:02,219 You were practicing deceit to get my confidence back. 336 00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:05,347 You took pity on me. 337 00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:07,391 You, of all people. 338 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:10,936 Two of the most pitiful people I know. 339 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,856 Hey, hey, hey, hey. She's a lot more pitiful than I am. 340 00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:18,194 - Sam. - You're both pitiful. I'm pitiful. 341 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:21,864 We're, all three, a pitiful ménage à boobs. 342 00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:24,366 Well, this boob is moving on. 343 00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:26,911 You two may not have the courage to face it, but I finally do. 344 00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:30,915 Sam and Diane, you are now and have always been, hopelessly in, 345 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:33,584 I guess the word for it is "love." 346 00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:37,505 And unfortunately for you, like it or not, you always will be. 347 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:41,842 I know! I know! Now you're gonna deny it. 348 00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:44,428 Even though it's ludicrously obvious to everyone around you, 349 00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:48,098 you two will go on pretending it's not true because you're emotional infants! 350 00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:50,893 You're in a living hell. 351 00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:52,978 You love each other and you hate each other. 352 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:54,939 And you hate yourselves for loving each other. 353 00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:58,275 Well, my dear friends, I want no part of it. 354 00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:01,570 It's time I just picked up my life where I left off. 355 00:22:01,946 --> 00:22:04,657 It's time to put Humpty-Dumpty back together again. 356 00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:12,122 So I'll get out of here now so you can just get on with your denial fest. 357 00:23:01,005 --> 00:23:02,298 Well? 358 00:23:05,593 --> 00:23:07,052 Well, what? 359 00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:11,140 What do you think about what Frasier said? 360 00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:17,313 Frasier's a pretty sharp guy. 361 00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:24,528 Well, we agree on something. 362 00:23:28,324 --> 00:23:30,200 What's next? 363 00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:36,373 Well, if this is hell, I'm... 364 00:23:37,166 --> 00:23:39,209 I'm not that unhappy. 365 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,343 Then we agree on something else. 366 00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:55,017 Yeah. 367 00:23:59,104 --> 00:24:02,983 Hey, I only said that... 368 00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:06,153 That I didn't like your nightgown because you said that I... 369 00:24:06,987 --> 00:24:08,822 ...that you didn't like my ear nibbles. 370 00:24:10,074 --> 00:24:12,826 Well, I would've liked your ear nibbles if you hadn't sounded 371 00:24:12,993 --> 00:24:15,162 so much like a chipmunk. 372 00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:24,463 Well, I'd rather sound like a chipmunk than look like a banana.