1
00:00:01,627 --> 00:00:04,838
Cheers <i>is filmed before
a live studio audience.</i>

2
00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:08,967
Good evening, you lucky dogs
and doggettes.

3
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,177
Hey.

4
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:14,473
Hey, inside this airtight container is
a taste sensation second to none.

5
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:16,600
Get your taste buds ready.

6
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,727
Ma's homemade pretzels.

7
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,734
You know, they kind of look like
they were made in a home, Cliff.

8
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,445
Yeah, well, they're a little
misshapen, you know?

9
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:31,281
Ma's arthritis made her
hands stiffen up on her.

10
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:35,744
That explains the smell of
mentholatum then, huh?

11
00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:37,621
Yeah, here you go, Sam.

12
00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,748
Chow down.
They're completely organic.

13
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:45,462
So, what word would you folks
use to describe these babies?

14
00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:48,048
- Filling.
- Okay. All right, they're filling.

15
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,551
No, no. I just lost one.

16
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:58,308
Yeah, well, you know, Norm, they're
pretzels. They're supposed to be hard.

17
00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:01,770
Hey, look, I'm gonna go share a
few with the guys in the back.

18
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:04,856
A little bit of salt and mustard
on there and you really got something.

19
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,817
Yeah, a lawsuit.

20
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:12,197
I need some water.
I'm having trouble swallowing.

21
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:14,366
Why are you trying?

22
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:17,828
Well, I figure it's either that,
or I have to take it out and look at it.

23
00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:34,821
Everybody, I'd like you to meet
my date, Dr. Lilith Sternin,

24
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:38,367
MD, PhD, EdD, APA.

25
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:42,412
Boy, it sure isn't spelled
like it sounds.

26
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,463
I'm so proud of Frasier.

27
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,508
He's making good on his vow
to start a new life.

28
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,259
Lilith and I met over drinks

29
00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,595
after the chemical-dependency
seminar last week.

30
00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:02,140
By the way, I noticed your drinking
went beyond sociability.

31
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,769
Woody, may I have two cognacs?

32
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:07,979
And what would you like?

33
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:12,234
Come on, it was just a meaningless joke.

34
00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:14,528
There's no such thing as a meaningless joke.

35
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,780
- I'd forgotten.
- I'll have a white wine.

36
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:17,948
I'll have a beer.

37
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:22,452
A beer, Woody, and white wine
for the charming lady.

38
00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:23,662
Charming?

39
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:26,206
Your flattery is
obligatory and specious.

40
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:27,833
Thank you.

41
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,755
So how do you like Cheers?

42
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:38,969
Well, it seems adequate
for its purpose.

43
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:42,222
But I have a feeling that you only
brought me to this place

44
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:46,268
to surround yourself with people
you know and I don't.

45
00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:48,854
Well, yes.

46
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:52,649
But what's more, I thought that we
might have a drink or two,

47
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,818
thereby lowering our inhibitions a bit,

48
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:57,028
and enabling us
to go back to your place,

49
00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,197
and have a physical encounter
of some sort.

50
00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:00,282
Well, we won't.

51
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,034
I appreciate your candor.

52
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:04,995
No, you don't.

53
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:08,039
You're right. I feel like striking you.

54
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,586
Your attempt at machismo
is totally inadequate.

55
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,297
You can't even make eye contact.

56
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:18,341
I could look at you if I wanted to.

57
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:22,137
But frankly, I've grown tired of
counting the comb marks in your hair.

58
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,975
Now, if you'll excuse me,

59
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,394
I'm going to go and use
the little boys' room.

60
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:33,106
Why does a grown man
feel the need to euphemize?

61
00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:36,276
Well, he did drink that beer
awfully fast.

62
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:44,159
That's the hospital. I'm on call.

63
00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:46,995
With any luck, it will be one
of my manic-depressives

64
00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:49,164
and the evening will take an upturn.

65
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,334
Well, you gotta love her, don't you?

66
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,377
Excuse me, miss?

67
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:58,006
Would you please inform Dr. Crane
that I had to leave on an emergency?

68
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,050
And kindly relay this message:

69
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,761
"I've had a very
uncomfortable evening,

70
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:05,263
and I don't think we should see
each other in the future,

71
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,515
except professionally."

72
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,309
What? No good-night kiss?

73
00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,938
I kiss only as a prelude to passion.

74
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:17,234
Well, we've been warned.

75
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:21,780
Oh, dear.

76
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:26,076
It appears Frasier
has been rejected again.

77
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:27,661
That poor yutz.

78
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,664
Even the trash only gets dumped
once a week.

79
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:37,295
- Where's Lilith?
- Dr. Sternin was called away

80
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:38,463
on an emergency.

81
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,591
Well, that's all right.
Anyway, I didn't much care for Lilith.

82
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,386
Sam, do you mind if I just use
your office for a moment?

83
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:46,555
Sure, sure. How come?

84
00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:48,431
I'm going to weep.

85
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,853
Poor Frasier.
I wish he could find someone

86
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,646
to help him ease his loneliness.

87
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:58,066
Sam, couldn't you give him
one of your hand-me-downs?

88
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,068
I already did.

89
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:05,115
No, I was thinking of someone
who would be, like, fun.

90
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,119
Well, now that you mention it,
I guess I could prescribe

91
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:14,040
- a little Candi Pearson for Dr. Crane.
- Candi. I like Candi.

92
00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:18,628
I sincerely doubt that Frasier
would approve being set up

93
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:22,299
for a one-night stand
with one of your jiggling jugheads.

94
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,720
I am not talking
about sex necessarily.

95
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:31,308
I just think that Frasier should know
that women don't always mean misery.

96
00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:35,020
I think Candi is just
what the doctor prescribed.

97
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:38,023
She's cute, she's fun and she's
never met a man she didn't like.

98
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,232
A lot.

99
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:47,657
- Hi, Sam.
- Hey, Candi.

100
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,367
Boy, is it good to see you.

101
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,411
You are beautiful as ever.

102
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,956
Sam, I'm getting a little low.
I'm also running out of beer.

103
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,375
Well, yeah.

104
00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,669
Maybe I can help you out on both
counts here, Frasier.

105
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,296
I'd like you to meet Candi.

106
00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:03,798
- Hi.
- Hi, yourself.

107
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:08,136
Anyone ever tell you
you've got a cute forehead?

108
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:14,517
Frankly, no, but I've been told
I have acute anxiety.

109
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:18,772
What's your name?

110
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,232
Dr. Frasier Crane.

111
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:22,651
I'm Candi.

112
00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:25,570
Yes, so I see from your necklace.
Candi, with an "I".

113
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:30,700
Well, I used to spell it with a "Y,"
but nobody ever took me seriously.

114
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:34,913
So then I switched it to an "I."
You know, like Gandhi?

115
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,627
Yes, yes. I understand
that's why he did it.

116
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,047
Could I buy you a drink?

117
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,340
Oh, sure.

118
00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:48,426
- Something with bubbles.
- Very well.

119
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,679
Sam,

120
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:54,182
champagne cocktails <i>à deux.</i>

121
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:57,852
It looks like you and Candi
are becoming friends.

122
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,854
Well, she seems like
a very pleasant sort.

123
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,273
Sam, she's not here
for you, is she?

124
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,318
No, no, no. It looks to me
like she's here for you, Frasier.

125
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:08,113
- Well, yes, it does.
- Well, you're lucky, doc.

126
00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:10,490
You know, Sammy has never
bothered to set me up

127
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,492
with one of his bevy of babes.

128
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:13,743
Not that I need help.

129
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,912
No, just mercy.

130
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:21,960
Oh, I see. This is all a set-up.
Well, I've seen that movie before.

131
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:26,256
When all else fails, hire some
strumpet to date the town wretch.

132
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:29,384
Hey, this is not a set-up,
and she's not a strumpet.

133
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:32,220
She's just here because I thought
you might like each other.

134
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:36,057
No expectations, no frills.
You know, just kind of a casual thing.

135
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:41,730
- Well, thanks, Sam, but no thanks.
- Yeah, but...

136
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:51,156
I see your little attempt to corrupt
Frasier has failed miserably.

137
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:56,161
I'm sorry, miss, but I just
figured out what this is all about.

138
00:08:57,037 --> 00:09:01,041
I'm not in the habit of fraternizing
with women of your type.

139
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,793
What type is that?

140
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,504
You know. Fun.

141
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,133
Good night.

142
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,179
I don't believe it.

143
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,681
Frasier just turned down Candi.

144
00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:20,351
If it was me, I'd be making her
scrambled eggs by now.

145
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:23,354
I'm sure she'd prefer that to sex.

146
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:27,942
- Why do you open your mouth?
- I didn't know she was there, Norm.

147
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:31,529
You know, we need to put
a little bell on her.

148
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:37,786
I don't know what you think
this is all about,

149
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:41,039
but I just came here
because Sam said you were a nice guy

150
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,499
and you were down in the dumps.

151
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:47,545
And I thought maybe we could talk
a little bit and have a couple of laughs.

152
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,090
Well, fine. We've had that.

153
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,258
You've done your charity work
for the evening.

154
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,927
Charity work?

155
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,513
You really are a sad case.

156
00:09:56,679 --> 00:10:00,809
How a guy with such a great forehead
could get so messed up.

157
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,812
Wait.

158
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:06,898
The least I can do is give you a ride
home. I'm going in your direction.

159
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,859
- Which direction?
- Out.

160
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,404
Thank you, Frasier.

161
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,198
You're sweet.

162
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,951
Say, you know, I just realized I'm
feeling kind of hungry.

163
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,746
- Would you like to get some food?
- Oh, food. My favorite.

164
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,168
Good Lord.

165
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:29,379
Frasier left with her?

166
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,923
Well, they have nothing in common.

167
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,510
What could he possibly have
to say to that woman?

168
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:38,847
"Thank you, thank you, thank you."

169
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,102
Pretzels.

170
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:45,603
Fresh pretzels.

171
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:48,273
Get your fresh pretzels here.

172
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:51,651
Delivered to you piping hot
from Ma Clavin's kitchen.

173
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,111
Come on, Norm. You're his friend.

174
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:55,780
You promised you'd tell him to stop
bringing that stuff in here.

175
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:59,242
All right. I'll take care of it
while I still have some teeth left.

176
00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:04,330
Hey, incidentally, Normie,
I don't mind telling you,

177
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:08,001
you know, how much Ma appreciates
the fact that you guys like her pretzels.

178
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,961
- Great, Cliff, listen--
- She's been down in the dumps

179
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,129
these past 40 years.

180
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:15,175
You know, when she heard how you
felt about these babies, well,

181
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,677
she just broke right down and cried.

182
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,974
Oh, boy, pretzels.

183
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,478
Anyone seen Frasier yet?

184
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:30,106
No, not since he left
last night with Candi.

185
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,901
Yeah, I wonder what they did,
you know?

186
00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:36,654
I'm sure they just
went out and had dinner.

187
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,740
Yeah, I bet they
had some dinner, all right.

188
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,825
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

189
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:44,871
A real good dinner in
a real fine restaurant, huh?

190
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,498
Actually, the best.

191
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:52,337
I wonder if the restaurant
was crowded.

192
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:02,639
I sincerely doubt that Frasier
took advantage of that young girl.

193
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:05,850
Come on, Diane. Frasier's a guy,
no different from the rest of us.

194
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:07,560
- Yeah.
- There's one difference.

195
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,730
He's scored since the invention
of the wheel.

196
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:15,652
It doesn't have to be a big bell
as long as we can hear it.

197
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:17,904
Trust me.

198
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,448
He might have taken pity
on that poor girl

199
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:23,076
and done something
to be nice to her.

200
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,913
Frasier is far too
sophisticated a man

201
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:31,334
to be swept away
by her transparent charms.

202
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,044
Greetings, one and all.

203
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:36,673
Say hello to Mrs. Frasier Crane.

204
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:49,727
You're married?

205
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,729
Well, no.
No, we're not married.

206
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,189
And we won't be for a long time.

207
00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:54,857
An hour.

208
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:59,279
Yeah, we're gonna tie the knot
right here today

209
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,614
where we met just 16 hours ago.

210
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,533
- That is, if it's okay with you, Sam.
- Yeah.

211
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:06,035
Sixteen hours
isn't much time, Frasier.

212
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:08,830
Well, that depends on how
you spend those 16 hours.

213
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:13,042
Hey, Woody,
some champagne here.

214
00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:14,919
I mean, this is quite an occasion.

215
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,713
I know I'm responsible for that,

216
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,172
but I didn't even see that coming.

217
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:20,341
The thought never even
crossed my mind.

218
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:23,094
Thoughts can't cross
your mind, Sam.

219
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,222
The bridge is out.

220
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,435
Okay, well, I would like to
propose a toast, then.

221
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,895
This is one that my father said
at my wedding,

222
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:34,731
and it's kind of always
stuck with me.

223
00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:37,650
"Thank God I'm not paying for this."

224
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,112
Thank you. Thank you, all.

225
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,075
Spot.

226
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:49,996
Look at me.

227
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,498
I'm rumpled and loving it.

228
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:55,835
Sam, I'll never be able
to thank you enough

229
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,795
for introducing me
to this precious flower.

230
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,006
That goes double for me.

231
00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:02,383
Candi is the perfect girl for me.

232
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:07,180
I got so tired of thinking
and dating at the same time.

233
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:12,769
But with Candi, I'm no longer
"Frasier Crane, pompous intellectual."

234
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:16,064
I'm "Fras, pompous madcap."

235
00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:18,691
And I kind of like him.
Come on, darling.

236
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,611
We'll just stop off at my place
for a quick celebration,

237
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,572
and then we've got a ring to buy before
the justice of the peace arrives.

238
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,282
Oh, Fras?

239
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,745
Just a moment, dear.

240
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:32,914
What is it, Diane?

241
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:37,460
I hate what I'm about to say,
and I pray to God it's not true,

242
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:42,715
but I think you're doing this to draw
me out, to force me to make a stand.

243
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,134
Please, tell me if I'm wrong,
and I'll be forever silent.

244
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:47,929
- You're wrong.
- No, I'm not.

245
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:50,765
Yes, you are, Diane.

246
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:56,062
Okay. Fine.

247
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,148
He's lost his mind.

248
00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:04,529
Well, Cliff ie, we got time for a wedding
on this evening's agenda?

249
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:08,116
Yeah, yeah, well, if we put back
the billiards game.

250
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,160
And we gotta miss the first ten minutes
of nighttime <i>Wheel of Fortune.</i>

251
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,248
I hate it when someone throws a
monkey wrench in the works.

252
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,457
No, don't worry, Norm.

253
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:19,252
Look, we'll just postpone the
darts game until after the vows.

254
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,546
Yeah? Aren't you forgetting
something, Mr Organizer?

255
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,924
Today's the day when <i>People</i>
magazine comes out.

256
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,843
- Yeah, so?
- So when are we supposed

257
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:29,220
to black out celebrities' teeth?
Tell me that.

258
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:39,147
You know, you're not so dumb.

259
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,315
Thank you, Carla.

260
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:48,114
Frasier's not my cup of tea, but as
husbands go, he could be all right.

261
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:49,740
He won't hurt you,

262
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:52,618
and I think he'll always be faithful.

263
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,204
And if he isn't, who cares?

264
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,833
That's kind of beautiful.

265
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,460
Yeah.

266
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:03,171
Dr. Crane?

267
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,548
I couldn't be happier for you.

268
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,593
- She is a beautiful girl.
- Thank you, Woody.

269
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:13,347
My dream is to someday fall in
love with a beautiful girl,

270
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,391
and for her to fall in love with me.

271
00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:19,604
We get married and have three
wonderful children who grow up,

272
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:23,483
and move away from us,
and hardly ever write.

273
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:29,155
She and I would grow old
in an empty house together and die.

274
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,911
I forgot. I also want a boat.

275
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:39,207
It'll happen for you, Woody.
I know it.

276
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,542
Shall we begin?

277
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:43,753
May we all gather down at this end?

278
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,713
My dear?

279
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,507
You look lovely.

280
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,050
You too, Frasier.

281
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,844
But you know what we're missing?

282
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,012
Music.

283
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:54,514
Music. Of course.

284
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:58,100
- Say, anybody play the piano?
- I play a little.

285
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:01,521
Well, get up there, young man,
and regale us with your virtuosity.

286
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:15,284
Woody? Woody?

287
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,079
I don't think that's quite right
for a wedding.

288
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,926
- It's perfect, senseless. Madcap.
- Yeah.

289
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:35,346
Frasier would've hated it.
Fras thinks it's swell.

290
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,015
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here

291
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,059
to join this man and this woman
in matrimony.

292
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:44,105
Marriage is a sacred union
not to be entered into lightly.

293
00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:47,525
If there is any person present
who knows a reason

294
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:52,029
why this couple should not be united,
speak now, or forever hold your peace.

295
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:53,823
I do.

296
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,158
Right phrase, wrong wedding.

297
00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,745
I have to stop this and stop it now.

298
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,122
There's something I must say.

299
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:02,665
I've tried to avoid it.

300
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:06,210
I've tried to hold my peace,
but I can't.

301
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:08,921
It's urgent. Please.

302
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,257
Sam, help. Let's go, fast.

303
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:15,386
Listen up, everybody.

304
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,263
We'll be back in a minute here.

305
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,599
In the meantime, you'll be entertained

306
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,767
by the magic fingers
of Mr Woody Boyd.

307
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:33,487
Frasier, Candi, I apologize
for interrupting

308
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:36,574
what should be the most
important moment in a person's life.

309
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:41,621
But I'm compelled to do this by my
affection and respect for both of you.

310
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:47,084
Isn't it possible, that in the heat
of recent events,

311
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:52,006
you might be confusing
physical attraction for deeper,

312
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,633
more sublime emotions?

313
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,177
You know, in the
psychiatric profession,

314
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,638
we have a statement for
that little theory of yours:

315
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,600
Frasier.

316
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:06,187
You have to admit you and Candi
are as different as night and day.

317
00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:10,691
You are as different as Sam and I.
Frasier, hear me out.

318
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:17,657
We were, as you are,
diametrically opposed personalities.

319
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:22,578
At first, our differences
were charming to us.

320
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:28,417
I found Sam's lack of refinement and
sophistication crudely provocative.

321
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:32,880
Yeah, and I liked the way
her hair smelled.

322
00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:36,967
I'm sure, in addition,
you were excited

323
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:39,887
by the intellectual vistas
to which I exposed you?

324
00:19:40,054 --> 00:19:42,181
No, I really think
it was that conditioner.

325
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:49,063
The point I'm trying to make
is that the only thing we had

326
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:51,899
- was a great physical relationship.
- Yeah, and we had a lot of that.

327
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:58,489
But when we'd go to concerts,
Sam would be bored stiff,

328
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,033
and I'd be excited, and we'd be
on totally different planes.

329
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,577
Yeah, but we caught the same flight
once we got home

330
00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:05,371
and hit the old Posturepedic.

331
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:07,998
Don't you see what
you're doing here?

332
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:10,334
You feel guilty, at least
subconsciously,

333
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:12,169
for rejecting me,
and that's causing you to act out.

334
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:16,716
For once in your life, Frasier, put away
your flashcard psychoanalysis

335
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:20,344
- and face the truth.
- How dare you insult my professional acumen!

336
00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:21,679
Here's what I think--

337
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:23,681
Candi, please, you were not put
on this earth to think.

338
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,892
Diane, you are without a doubt--
Oh, my God.

339
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,936
What have I done?
What have I said?

340
00:20:29,103 --> 00:20:31,605
- You said, "I wasn't put on this earth--"
- No, I know what I said.

341
00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:36,444
I just can't believe I said it.
Candi?

342
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,238
I didn't mean it. Please forgive me.

343
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,657
Yes, you did mean it, Frasier.

344
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,325
And what's more, you're right.

345
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,829
You know, I didn't understand
anything anybody was saying

346
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,289
except for Sam.

347
00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:54,628
We can't get married,
because I don't deserve you.

348
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:57,715
No, no, I don't deserve you.

349
00:20:57,882 --> 00:21:01,051
I don't deserve to put polish
on your toenails.

350
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,971
Although it was the highlight
of breakfast.

351
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:11,979
Maybe we should spend more time together
before we take this step.

352
00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:16,358
You mean, like, the weekend?

353
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,070
That long? Well, maybe.

354
00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:22,573
I think you've made
a very wise decision.

355
00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:24,867
I think we'll be going now.

356
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:28,162
Listen, I'm-- I'm sorry I snapped
at you that way.

357
00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:30,790
It's the first time I've raised my voice
to you in anger,

358
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:31,999
and I promise it'll be the last.

359
00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:33,918
That's too bad.

360
00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:37,838
I thought you were kind of sexy
when you were mad.

361
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:39,882
Really?

362
00:21:40,049 --> 00:21:42,218
Well, don't just sit there.
Get a move on!

363
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:48,140
- Sam, your office is a pigsty. See to it.
- Oh, Frasier.

364
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:51,352
And you know, if we can put
a man on the moon,

365
00:21:51,519 --> 00:21:53,354
why can't we put metal
in a microwave?

366
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:58,108
Diane, I gotta compliment you
on the way you handled Frasier.

367
00:21:58,275 --> 00:21:59,401
That was pretty good.

368
00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:00,945
- Thank you.
- Yeah.

369
00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:04,907
Yeah, I hate to see a
man and woman make a mistake.

370
00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:08,994
- Frasier and Candi.
- Frasier and Candi. Yeah.

371
00:22:09,537 --> 00:22:14,250
Well, no, no, I mean, you gotta hang
out with somebody for a long time.

372
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:17,294
You gotta really get to know them
before you take a big step like that.

373
00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:20,297
Yes. if something's worthwhile,
it's worth waiting for.

374
00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:22,049
Absolutely.

375
00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:24,552
Well.

376
00:22:24,718 --> 00:22:27,555
A lot of people out there
waiting for a wedding,

377
00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:29,515
and no bride, no groom.

378
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:31,016
Guess it's up to us, huh?

379
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,564
My God, Sam.

380
00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:41,068
I can't believe my ears.

381
00:22:42,653 --> 00:22:44,321
You're serious, aren't you?

382
00:22:49,326 --> 00:22:52,538
Oh, no, no. I just meant
that we should go out there

383
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:55,040
and serve those people
some drinks. That's all.

384
00:22:55,416 --> 00:22:58,168
- That's what I meant too.
- No, it isn't.

385
00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:01,630
What did you think
I was talking about?

386
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:05,134
- Come on.
- Well, for a moment there,

387
00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:08,804
I confess, I thought you were talking
about something else.

388
00:23:10,347 --> 00:23:12,308
And what would your answer
have been?

389
00:23:13,809 --> 00:23:15,311
No, Sam.

390
00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:18,772
That's the sort of question that has to
be asked before it can be answered.

391
00:23:19,023 --> 00:23:22,985
Well, if I heard the answer, maybe it would be
easier for me to ask the question.

392
00:23:28,365 --> 00:23:29,408
Very well.

393
00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:32,578
The answer is no.

394
00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:34,038
Well, the question was,

395
00:23:34,204 --> 00:23:36,540
"Have you ever met a man who gave
you the hots more than me?"

396
00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:43,464
I'd like to change my answer.

397
00:23:44,048 --> 00:23:46,258
- Fine. Go on.
- Then the answer is yes.

398
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:48,928
Well, then the question was,
"Do you wanna go to bed with me?"

399
00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:50,846
I wanna change my answer again.

400
00:23:51,013 --> 00:23:52,973
Well, that's okay.
And I'll change my question to,

401
00:23:53,140 --> 00:23:57,519
"Is there any way that you would not
object to not going to bed with me?"

402
00:23:58,312 --> 00:23:59,313
Wait a minute.