1 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,421 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:08,509 You go all over town... 3 00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,385 There ought to be a law. 4 00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:13,555 - Bunch of meatheads. - So it's true. 5 00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:16,433 He keeps on talking even when people aren't there. 6 00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:21,188 Yes, but if no one's there to hear it, does he really make a sound? 7 00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:25,067 Cliff ie, is it worth my asking what the problem is? 8 00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:27,194 Yeah, Norm, it's my transmission. 9 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,780 Spend day after day taking it to garages all over town, 10 00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:32,366 - nobody can fix it. - Here we go, Cliff ie. 11 00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:35,452 Pierson's Garage, Braintree. 12 00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:37,496 They can fix anything. All right? 13 00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:39,998 Yeah, well, yeah. Thank you very much, Normie. 14 00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:44,044 You know, my toaster's on the blink. You think they could fix it? 15 00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:48,340 Well, only if you got one in your car. 16 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,552 See, they're auto mechanics, Woody. 17 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,929 Oh, great, it's in the back seat right now. 18 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,058 All right, all right. Take it easy, Norm. 19 00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,851 The kid's good, but you can take him. 20 00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:03,063 All right, I have to select my words rather carefully here. 21 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:06,900 Woody, they can fix 22 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:10,028 only those things that originally came with the car 23 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,238 when you bought it. 24 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,782 As far as I know, cars don't come with toasters. 25 00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:15,200 Well, mine did. 26 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,412 It was part of a promotional campaign. 27 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,623 You know, if I'd bought a convertible, I'd have got a food processor. 28 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,627 Ask for Luis. He doesn't speak English. 29 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,791 Woody, whisky neat. 30 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,920 Frasier, what are you doing here? I thought you had a date tonight. 31 00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:53,590 I did, but when I showed up, she was in the middle of a shower. 32 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,051 Well, couldn't you wait? 33 00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,136 It was her bridal shower. 34 00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:03,850 Next time I make a date two months in advance, I'll call to confirm. 35 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:06,895 Afternoon, everybody. 36 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:10,023 - Hey, Sam, how were the mountains? - It rained all weekend. 37 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,316 Sam, you forgot this. 38 00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:12,734 Yeah, thank you. 39 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,739 In other words, it was great. 40 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,619 Hey, Diane, how you doing there? 41 00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:24,705 How am I doing? 42 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,958 Did you ask me how I'm doing? 43 00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,961 No, not me. That was Woody. He's a ventriloquist. 44 00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:34,548 Why? What's the matter? 45 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,928 - Last week... - Yeah? 46 00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:42,389 ...we were at passion's portal... 47 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:50,480 ...standing on the threshold of a new and excitingly textured relationship. 48 00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:54,234 We were about to open the door on a brand-new beginning for us. 49 00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:59,197 Well, I knocked at the door, but nobody was home, 50 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,742 so I went to the mountains with the girl next door. 51 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,162 I see. 52 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:08,623 Apparently last week meant more to me than it did to you. 53 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:11,585 Come on, what are you doing here? 54 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,337 Are you saying that even though we're not really going together, 55 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,381 you want me not to date anybody else? 56 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,677 It's not what I want, Sam. It's what you want that's important. 57 00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,471 Well, good. Because what I wanted to do 58 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,347 was go to the mountains with Andrea. 59 00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:27,559 Very well. Let's just forget the whole thing. 60 00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:31,354 Oh, come on, Diane. It was just physical. 61 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,690 I mean, that stuff doesn't mean anything to me. 62 00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,694 Come on, don't you see what I'm doing here? I'm just honing my skills 63 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:40,822 for that magical night that you and I hit the sheets running. 64 00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:44,326 Sam, you and I will couple 65 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:48,538 when 1,000 ice ages have come and gone. 66 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,750 All right. How soon do we get to play touchy-feely? 67 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,002 Lighten up, will you? 68 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,672 - Good evening, citizens. - Looking a little beat, buddy. 69 00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:01,009 Been staying up late watching those adult movies on cable again? 70 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,720 Ma put a lock on that channel. 71 00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:09,768 It's my paperboy, Normie. 72 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:11,603 He's hitting every place but the front porch. 73 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,772 So I got a little plan worked out now. 74 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,733 All right, get this, 4:30 tomorrow morning in the a.m., 75 00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:19,236 I'm gonna put on the old camouflage jacket, 76 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:20,946 stick a couple of branches behind my ears, 77 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,656 and duck in the rhododendron bush. 78 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,950 He's smart, but I'm a little bit smarter. 79 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,078 You talking about the kid or the rhododendron bush? 80 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,875 I wanna see all my employees in my office, immediately. 81 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,840 Cheers staff, this means you. In the office, on the double. 82 00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,220 Hey, come on, you heard me. 83 00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,597 We didn't hear the magic word. 84 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:51,059 - Please. - That's not it. 85 00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,312 Come on, Carla, what's the magic word? 86 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,940 Money. We all want a dollar. 87 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,361 Okay, okay, all right. 88 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,698 Come on, come on, here you go. Here's one for you. Here you go. 89 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,199 One for you. 90 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,742 One for you. 91 00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:09,327 Whoa, wait, whoa. 92 00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,245 What are you trying to do? 93 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:12,455 - Beat me out of a buck here? - Sammy. 94 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:15,250 I'm here out of a fierce sense of loyalty as your accountant, pal. 95 00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:17,586 And the dollar is your little way of saying thank you. 96 00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:21,756 Well, thank you for coming. 97 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,633 I want you all to take a look at this in the newspaper. 98 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,760 It really got me going here. 99 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:27,637 "Grown Man Lives in Refrigerator"? 100 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:28,597 No. 101 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:30,807 No, no. Not that part. 102 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,517 Let me see that. 103 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:35,520 Oh, my God, look at that. He's got a TV in there. 104 00:06:37,606 --> 00:06:39,858 Sam, what is this about? 105 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,319 Oh, yeah, all right. 106 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:44,487 Yeah, column three, down at the bottom. 107 00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:49,492 "Don Talbot's Locker Room, Grand Opening." 108 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:50,619 Yeah, not only that, 109 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:53,371 Don has got two other pubs opening the same time. 110 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:55,498 I mean, he's doing fantastic business here. 111 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:58,168 What's this got to do with the guy in the refrigerator? 112 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:03,089 Nothing, Woody, nothing. This has to do with me. 113 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,674 This has to do with my life. 114 00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:06,426 I mean, Don was up with the Red Sox 115 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,345 for what, a cup of coffee, for goodness sake. 116 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:11,097 I was there five years, and now this clown is a celebrity, 117 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,683 and I'm paying my employees to come talk to me. 118 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,355 You're gonna be paying us a lot more 119 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:21,107 unless this conversation starts getting exciting. 120 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:23,360 Okay, fair enough. 121 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:26,029 I brought you in here because I wanna ask you a question, 122 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,365 what is Cheers missing? 123 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,075 A mechanical bull. 124 00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,663 No, Woody, that was one of those questions you ask 125 00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,039 when you don't really want an answer. 126 00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:38,500 You mean, rhetorical. 127 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,754 Yeah, rhetorical, right. 128 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,507 Anyway, what I'm gonna do here, 129 00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:48,843 is I am gonna come out from behind the bar, 130 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:53,848 and I'm gonna become a full-time manager/host. 131 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:55,725 A what? 132 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:58,395 Manager/host. 133 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:00,146 Yeah, I greet people. 134 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,358 No, it's perfect. I mean, let's face it. I'm recognized on the street. 135 00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:05,360 So is a fire hydrant. 136 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:10,740 You see, at the same time, I'll be able to hustle up some more business, 137 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:15,787 I'll be able to handle the publicity, the quality control, handling bookings. 138 00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,122 I mean, it's great. 139 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,164 What do you think? 140 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,750 Is that another rhetorical question? 141 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:25,588 Well, yeah, it is, Woody, actually, because we're gonna do it. 142 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,048 We're gonna start immediately. 143 00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,759 Does that mean you won't be bartending anymore? 144 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:30,844 I'm glad you asked that. 145 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,054 Now that I've moved up to management, 146 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:35,015 we're gonna have an opening behind the bar, 147 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,474 and we're gonna need to fill it. 148 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,185 Wait a minute. You know, there was a guy in here the other day, 149 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,770 had an application. He was fantastic-- 150 00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:43,273 Hey, now wait. Time out, Sammy. 151 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,691 Does this mean that you're gonna be hiring 152 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,401 - another full-time bartender? - Yeah. 153 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,112 I have to advise you, I think that's unwise. 154 00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:52,407 - You sure? - I'd stake my career on it. 155 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:53,825 You're unemployed. 156 00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,079 All right, I'll stake your career on it. 157 00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:02,042 You really-- You can't afford yourself as a full-time host/manager. 158 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,585 No, see, that's the beauty of it. 159 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,670 As manager, I'll be thinking up new schemes 160 00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:06,963 to bring in more business, 161 00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:08,882 but I'll be so darned charming as the host, 162 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,676 that people will start bringing in more friends. It's perfect. 163 00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:14,637 I'll be thinking and charming all at the same time. 164 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:17,015 Add chewing gum, and we can sell tickets. 165 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,311 Sammy, I'm skeptical, 166 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,439 but more importantly, I'm thirsty, so... 167 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:27,358 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for coming in. 168 00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:35,366 Ken, don't forget to run a handkerchief over those shoes. 169 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:36,910 Mr. Malone, they're tennis shoes. 170 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,412 Well, don't spend too long on them then. 171 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,874 Hey, what's with the spread, Sam? 172 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:44,959 Well, I really topped myself tonight. 173 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,586 I booked a party in here. 174 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:51,466 The-- Let's see. The Fraternal Order of the Caribou's sending a group over. 175 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,718 Great. 176 00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:57,764 A group of loudmouthed, rowdy conventioneers, 177 00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,182 drinking like fish, 178 00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:02,018 swearing like sailors, and putting their paws all over us. 179 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,771 Yeah, happy birthday to me. 180 00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,192 - How many are coming? - Well, I don't know. 181 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,194 They said they're sending over a whole herd, 182 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,363 so I guess we're gonna be swamped here. 183 00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:15,865 I just hope we have enough food. What do you think? 184 00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:22,914 Welcome. I'm Sam Malone, your host and owner of Cheers. 185 00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:25,041 You may remember me as Mayday Malone, 186 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:26,835 the relief pitcher for the Red Sox? 187 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:29,629 Anyway, I just want you to know the autographs are free, 188 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,381 but the drinks are gonna cost you. 189 00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,216 Make him go away, Neal. 190 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,345 Well, welcome. 191 00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:41,724 Carla, a couple tables over here you may wanna get to. 192 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,393 Gee, wait on tables. 193 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,603 Is that what a waitress is supposed to do? 194 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:46,980 Thanks for the tip, Sam. 195 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,149 Diane, we need a mop over here, please. 196 00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:53,278 I'll buy the bullets if you'll pull the trigger. 197 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,281 Shooting is too quick. I want him to suffer. 198 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,449 Why don't you date him again? 199 00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:04,539 Get it in gear, girls. We got new customers coming in. 200 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,457 Not if you greet them. 201 00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,002 What? 202 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,086 Sam, 203 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,672 this isn't working. 204 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,340 We've done this for a week, 205 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,259 and I haven't seen any more customers 206 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,553 than there were before you took over as host. 207 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,680 In fact, there are less. 208 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,765 And you haven't come up with one good idea 209 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,475 to increase business. 210 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,437 Tonight's different. I've booked a whole lodge into this place. 211 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:28,438 I mean, tonight-- 212 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,231 Tonight we're making Cheers history here. 213 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:34,277 A little of the old Malone magic is beginning to spread. 214 00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,530 I could use some of that on my flowers. 215 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,656 Just-- 216 00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,038 Well, Woody, 217 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:48,917 looks like the new man behind the bar is working out pretty well, huh? 218 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:52,378 Yeah, he's doing pretty well considering the pressure he's under. 219 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:55,215 I mean, after all, working around a man of my experience 220 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,717 is probably a little bit intimidating. 221 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,015 Good, he seems to be adjusting. 222 00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,311 Excuse me, I'm looking for Sam Malone. 223 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:09,938 Yeah. Let go of me, you little devil. 224 00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,149 Yes, I am. I'm-- 225 00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:16,527 - I'm the manager. - Hi. Nice to meet you. 226 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,404 - Well, thank you. - Fred Anderson. 227 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:21,032 - Social Director, Caribou Lodge. - Yeah, right. I got you. 228 00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:22,825 - Well, you ready for us? - You bet I am. 229 00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:24,202 Great, great. 230 00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,288 Come on in, guys. Looks clean. 231 00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:30,375 Gather around, employees, please. Okay. 232 00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,168 Now, next couple hours it's gonna be hell. 233 00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,045 You're gonna be running your little tushies off. 234 00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,130 But tonight, when you put your head down on the pillow, 235 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:39,092 you're gonna know it was worth it, because tonight is the night 236 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,678 that we put Cheers on the map. Okay, all right. 237 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,813 You guys are the whole lodge? 238 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:54,107 Yeah, we just got our charter last week. 239 00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,360 You're right, Sam. 240 00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:58,945 We just got on the map. 241 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:02,699 Cheers, population: three Caribou, one jackass. 242 00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,710 Aren't people like that sad? 243 00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,421 Huddled together, 244 00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:20,341 totally lacking confidence in their own individuality. 245 00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:23,177 And incapable of an original thought. 246 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,972 You know, as Dr. Bennett Ludlow once said, 247 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,600 "I'll speak no thought but mine own." 248 00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,776 All right, I'll admit that things haven't turned out 249 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:41,738 exactly the way I planned them, but it'll be okay. 250 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:45,116 They'll tell their friends, and their friends will tell their friends. 251 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:48,161 Do you have anything else? I'm allergic to shellfish. 252 00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:51,831 Sammy, I'd face reality if I were you. 253 00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,958 You have three guys in bad suits 254 00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,210 and enough food to cater the Crusades. 255 00:13:57,587 --> 00:14:00,590 Next to this, Hula Night was a smashing success. 256 00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:02,884 All right, it's okay. 257 00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:05,928 I know things haven't gone exactly great up to this point, 258 00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,765 but they will, they will. I'll think of something. 259 00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:11,392 Hey, skimpy outfits on the waitresses, Sammy. 260 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,644 - That's not bad. - Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 261 00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:16,939 I don't want people having to look at something I'm ashamed of. 262 00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:18,983 - You got a lovely body. - Yeah. 263 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,193 I'm talking about hers. 264 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:25,239 You see, Sammy, topless waitresses, scientific fact, 265 00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:28,201 they can deliver drinks faster than their clothed counterparts. 266 00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,828 Just forget it, Clavin. 267 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:34,582 This is just your slimy way of trying to cop a look at my tooters. 268 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,756 Well, everything seems to be running smoothly out here. 269 00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:45,968 Think I'll step in my office and think up some more ideas here. 270 00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,678 I don't wanna be disturbed. 271 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,305 Go away, Diane. 272 00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:53,768 Sam, may I speak to you for a minute? 273 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,439 This situation isn't working. 274 00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:01,442 Your schemes aren't working, 275 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:04,153 and you're driving Carla and me crazy, 276 00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:08,157 and if you continue this entrepreneurial bent of yours, 277 00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,284 you're going to bankrupt the bar. 278 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,829 Don't worry about it. I'll think of something. 279 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,455 Well, I don't know what. 280 00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,582 Well, because you don't have my brain. 281 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,877 Well, whoever has it should return it. 282 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,674 You need it right now. 283 00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,676 Hey, leave me alone, please. 284 00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:27,844 Oh, Sam, I'm sorry. 285 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,720 It's just obvious what has to happen here. 286 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,305 You have to go back behind the bar. 287 00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:34,475 I know. I know. I've known it for a long time. 288 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,352 But why aren't you doing anything about it? 289 00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:39,772 Well, because doing something about it means I have to fire Ken. 290 00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,068 Right. 291 00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:47,321 - And he's such a nice guy too. - Yeah, damn it. 292 00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,366 All right, I've put this off long enough. 293 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:52,743 Go get Ken. I'll handle this right now, 294 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:55,496 and I'll do it quickly, cleanly and painlessly. 295 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:58,541 Just like a surgeon. Yeah. Yeah, just like a surgeon. 296 00:15:58,708 --> 00:15:59,709 Very well. 297 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,630 - He's headed this way. - All right. 298 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,800 I suggest you start scrubbing up, Dr. Malone. 299 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,136 Sam, you got a minute? 300 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,680 - Yeah, Ken. - I'd like you to meet my family. 301 00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:21,856 I just want you to know that it was pretty rough going there for a while, 302 00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:24,567 - for the four of us. - The five of us. 303 00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:28,362 But thanks to you, we've turned the corner. 304 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,740 Kids, this is Mr. Sam Malone. 305 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:31,949 - Hi. - Hi. 306 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:32,992 Hi. 307 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:41,292 Well, this-- This is very nice, Ken, but I do need to talk to you. 308 00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:45,129 Oh, yeah, well, all right, there you go. 309 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,675 Yes, Mr. Malone? 310 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:53,054 Ken... 311 00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,433 ...I'm giving you a raise. 312 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:01,812 That's terrific. Well, thank you. 313 00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:03,648 Thank you, Mr. Malone. 314 00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:06,275 Come on, honey, I want to introduce you to the others, okay? 315 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,818 Okay. Nice to meet you. 316 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,070 Yeah, you too. You too. 317 00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:12,031 - Come on, children. - We want to stay with Uncle Sam. 318 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,160 - Is that all right, Sam? - Sure, sure. 319 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,624 Well, quite an operation, Dr. Malone. 320 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,835 What am I gonna do? 321 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,754 I can't fire Woody. 322 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:30,883 Well, maybe if he knew the situation, 323 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,343 he'd wanna go. 324 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,720 Why don't you just explain it to him, 325 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,973 and let him draw his own conclusion? 326 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,267 Maybe he'll volunteer to leave. 327 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:42,770 He's such a sweet guy. I'll bet he will. 328 00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,856 Boy, he is a sweet guy. 329 00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:47,441 Of course he will. 330 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,737 Sam, you look quite natural 331 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,031 sitting there with a babe on each knee. 332 00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:57,827 She's seen babes in my lap before. 333 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,707 Yes, but these know how to tie their own shoes. 334 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,670 Goodbye, you sweet little cherubs. 335 00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,047 I don't like her. 336 00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:13,801 Try dating her. 337 00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,139 Sam, you wanted to see me? 338 00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,974 Yes, I do, Woody. 339 00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,977 Say, you know Ken's two kids here, don't you? 340 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,729 Yeah, I met them before. Hi. 341 00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:25,563 - Hi. - Hi. 342 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,982 Yeah. Sit down, Woody. 343 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:31,902 I called you in here because I got a kind of problem. 344 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,404 I hope I can help you, Sam. 345 00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:35,114 Well, I hope so too, Woody. 346 00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,868 You know, that scheme of mine 347 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,286 to come out from behind the bar 348 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:44,665 and be a host/manager hasn't turned out too well. 349 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,375 Well, that's putting it mildly. 350 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:49,420 But if it means I'm gonna get you back behind the bar, 351 00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,088 then I can't say I'm sorry. 352 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:52,048 Well, it does mean 353 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,467 that you're getting me back behind the bar, Woody, 354 00:18:54,634 --> 00:19:00,556 but the problem is, I can't afford three bartenders. 355 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,269 You did meet Ken's kids here, haven't you? 356 00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,396 - Yeah, I did. Hi. - Hi. 357 00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:12,151 So, what it boils down to, Woody, is 358 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,820 I'm gonna have to let somebody go. 359 00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,365 Boy, that's tough, Sam. 360 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,200 Yeah. 361 00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,369 You kids are getting awful heavy here. 362 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:24,330 Why don't you go sit on old Uncle Woody's lap there, huh? 363 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,123 There you go. There you go. 364 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:27,291 Hey, there we go. 365 00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:31,545 Okay, now, Woody, try to follow me closely on this, okay? 366 00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:36,384 Now, see, I can't fire myself because, well, I own the place. 367 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,052 - Well, that makes sense. - Yeah. 368 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:39,970 So that means 369 00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:44,433 either you or Ken, 370 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,186 the father of these two kids. 371 00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:51,148 You get what I'm saying here, Woody? 372 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:53,776 - No. - I do. I do. 373 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,361 No, no, no. 374 00:19:56,654 --> 00:20:00,408 Listen, maybe you kids ought to go now, huh? 375 00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:03,285 Thank you. Bye-bye, sweetheart, bye-bye. 376 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,376 You're firing me, Sam. 377 00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:17,675 Woody, I-- Boy, I don't know what to say here, man. 378 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,429 Leave Cheers. 379 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:23,931 You know, I always thought 380 00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:27,268 this job was just too good to keep forever. 381 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:30,646 Well, I understand. 382 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,190 You know, I'm young and unattached, 383 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:35,693 and I can afford to be out of work more than Ken. 384 00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:41,323 - You are the sweetest guy I know. - You are too, Sam. 385 00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:43,784 Whoa, what are we doing here? 386 00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:45,411 This doesn't have to be a big goodbye. 387 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,163 I'll help you find another job, 388 00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:50,082 and if Ken ever leaves, you'll be first in line. 389 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,459 I appreciate that. 390 00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:53,878 Woody-- 391 00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:55,796 No, I know what you're gonna say, Sam. 392 00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:58,257 Really? I don't. 393 00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:00,676 Well, it would have been great. 394 00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:03,554 I'll see you, Sam. I'm gonna go get my things. 395 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,515 Oh, boy. 396 00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:14,690 Sam, this has gotta be the strangest night of my life. 397 00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:16,650 Yeah, it must be something in the air. 398 00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:19,403 Boy, I don't even know how to bring this up, but... 399 00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:21,697 Well, there was a guy sitting at the bar, 400 00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:23,532 said he was from the Harvard Club. 401 00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:24,950 Wait a minute. Here's his card. 402 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,621 Anyway, he said he liked the cut of my jib, 403 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,290 and he asked me if I wanna go and work for him. 404 00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:34,210 Now the money he's offering would be hard to turn down. 405 00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:36,086 - Sam? - Woody! 406 00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:39,006 I swear to uphold the bylaws of the lodge 407 00:21:39,673 --> 00:21:41,592 and to defend the dignity of the herd. 408 00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:45,554 Woody, Woody, Woody. Wait, wait, wait, man. Wait, wait, wait. 409 00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,515 Listen, there's somebody in the bar here, 410 00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:49,850 somebody from the Harvard Club, who wants to hire Ken, 411 00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:51,310 so you don't have to leave. 412 00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:53,729 I mean, just get back behind the bar, man. 413 00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:56,690 God. What a relief. 414 00:21:58,943 --> 00:22:00,110 Wait a minute, Sam. 415 00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:01,987 What? 416 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,865 What do you think I am? 417 00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:09,703 I got fired from a job that means more to me 418 00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:11,205 than anything else in the world, 419 00:22:11,372 --> 00:22:13,207 and you want me to just come walking back in here 420 00:22:13,374 --> 00:22:15,543 because Ken wants to leave? 421 00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:18,379 Well, I can't do that. 422 00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:21,131 Listen, I need you. 423 00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:25,553 Please, isn't there anything I can do to change your mind here? 424 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:30,349 - Hundred-dollar-a-month raise? - Hundred dollars? 425 00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:32,935 No, no, Woody, wait, wait. 426 00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:35,187 I need you. 427 00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:37,731 Yeah, okay, a hundred bucks. 428 00:22:38,315 --> 00:22:39,775 - It's a deal. - Yeah. 429 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:41,360 All right. 430 00:22:43,571 --> 00:22:47,533 Boy, yeah, you know, you really surprised me here. I-- 431 00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:49,785 You're a pretty tough negotiator. 432 00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:54,081 Yeah, Sam, boy, I know you think I'm just a country bumpkin. 433 00:22:54,248 --> 00:22:56,292 And the Boyd family may not be too sharp 434 00:22:56,458 --> 00:22:57,877 about a lot of things. 435 00:22:58,043 --> 00:22:59,795 I mean, we don't know much about math. 436 00:22:59,962 --> 00:23:02,047 We don't know much about science. 437 00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:04,008 We don't know much about politics. 438 00:23:04,174 --> 00:23:06,218 We don't know much about medicine. 439 00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:07,887 We don't know much about world affairs, 440 00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:10,764 but I'll tell you, there's something we're pretty darned sharp about. 441 00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:12,016 What's that? 442 00:23:13,851 --> 00:23:15,144 What were we talking about? 443 00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:19,940 Machinery. 444 00:23:20,107 --> 00:23:21,734 We don't know much about machinery. 445 00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:25,112 I'll tell you, my uncle, he lost his arm in some kind of contraption-- 446 00:23:25,279 --> 00:23:26,196 Oh, you're kidding me. 447 00:23:27,281 --> 00:23:28,407 Wait a minute. 448 00:23:28,574 --> 00:23:30,117 - What? What? - I remember. 449 00:23:30,284 --> 00:23:31,535 We were talking about money. 450 00:23:31,702 --> 00:23:33,704 That's right. That's right. 451 00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:37,791 We were talking about your $50-a-month raise. 452 00:23:39,585 --> 00:23:42,212 Sam, it was 100 a month. 453 00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:47,343 But you know, I'll tell you. 454 00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:50,054 I think 100 a month is too steep. 455 00:23:51,722 --> 00:23:53,974 - I'll settle for 30 a week. - You got it. 456 00:24:00,814 --> 00:24:04,360 Host/manager extraordinaire.