Hey, Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience.
Hi. It's me.
Listen, I've been thinking about you.
Oh, what the hell. Will you marry me?
Sam?
Well, who else do you think it would be?
Sam, if this is some kind of a joke...
No. I'm serious. Will you marry me?
Oh, my God.
I'm... I'm stunned.
I mean, it's not like I never expected
to hear this from you. It's just that...
One is never quite prepared for the question.
Oh, Sam, I'm touched.
All at once,
I'm feeling giddiness, fear, euphoria, relief.
I don't know what to say.
That's okay. I'm not listening anymore.
Sam, I can't answer you now,
not like this.
Every woman wants her proposal to be...
enchanting,
something she can remember for the rest of her life.
Find something like that,
keeping in mind I don't care
for sports arenas, theme parks, or miniature golf.
All right, young lady.
You just prepare to be swept off your feet tomorrow night.
I already have been.
Bon soir, mon coeur.
Right, right.
I'll get another one.
- Afternoon, everybody. - Norm!
Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's the story?
Boy meets beer, boy drinks beer,
boy gets another beer.
Boy, have I got an evening cooked up for us.
Yeah. Thanks for thinking of me, Cliff ie,
but I think I'd better get home early today.
Vera's getting home from Springfield,
and I thought a special elegant meal
would be the proper way to welcome her home.
How thoughtful, Norm. Say, what's on the menu?
Whatever she feels like whipping up
after a five-hour bus trip.
Hey, Woody, didn't you say
you've been to this Le Petit Orange restaurant?
Yeah.
Hey, Woody! You've been to that fancy joint?
Yeah, a couple times.
How was it? They treat you well?
I didn't eat there.
I just went in to use the men's room.
Well, the restaurant part, did it look
like a nice romantic place to take a lady?
Who could tell, Sam? It's real dark in there,
and they got this guy running around playing a violin.
Oh, no.
I bet they got those pictures of those guys
that are half man, half horse, too, right?
I'm glad you said that, Sam. I thought I was seeing things.
I've been racking my brains all day
trying to find a place that's out of the ordinary
and classy for dinner tonight.
How about a nude barbecue?
No. That's kind of dangerous with all those sparks.
Oh, right.
What's the occasion, there, stretch?
Well, let's just say it's a special evening for a...
...special lady.
Get out your scorecards, boys.
Sounds like Sammy's back in action.
I take it this means you've terminated
your relationship with Councilor Eldridge?
Yeah. In the dumper.
Well, gentlemen, in memory of the Councilor,
may I suggest we lower our cocktail napkins to half mast.
Yes. Let's not forget the traditional
- 21-peanut salute. - Oh, no. Hey...
Sammy, another round for the back.
Yeah, but I want to know, who's the lucky lady tonight?
You'll find out soon enough.
Come on. Help me think of a place, here.
All right, Sam.
I got something that might be just the ticket for you.
How about this?
A sailboat anchored offshore,
you know, chilled champagne,
candlelit dinner underneath the stars.
Worked great for Sean and Madonna.
Where do you hear all this stupid stuff?
Let's just say inquiring minds want to know.
Sailboats. That's a good idea.
Maybe I'll call and see if I can rent one.
Sam, I just remembered something that might help you.
What's that?
My uncle Wade was a master
at putting women in a romantic mood.
What did he do?
Gave them money. Worked like a charm.
Thank you, Woody, but I'm looking
for a place to take someone, a very special place.
As a matter of fact, come here. Can you keep a secret?
Can I keep a secret?
You still don't know Carla leaves early
on your night off, do you?
Good, good.
Listen, I'm only telling you this
because I like you and I trust you.
I'm thinking about proposing.
Sam, I'm flattered, but...
You probably don't mean me, huh?
We'll talk later.
Boy, oh, boy, I wouldn't mind
being a barnacle on the rudder
of Sam's sailboat, if you know what I mean.
I'm sure you'd be better looking, but would you be happier?
Woody, are you in pain, buddy?
No. I was just thinking...
The first time is always the worst.
Who do you think Sam is gonna propose to tonight?
What are you babbling about, Billy Bob Joe Jim?
Sam said he was gonna propose to someone.
That's odd. He said he broke up with Councilor Eldridge.
Who could he possibly be talking about proposing...
You've chosen the most beautiful spot
in which to anchor.
Everything's absolutely perfect.
This is the most wonderful idea
any man ever came up with.
Who came up with it?
Come on. Give me some credit.
I have an original thought now and then.
You're right. I'm sorry.
Was it Frasier?
Actually, it was Cliff.
Okay, then. Don't tell me.
Right now, I'm having a rather unoriginal thought.
- Are you as happy as I? - Oh, yeah.
I just wish I could get this song out of my head.
- Song? - Yeah. You know how
sometimes you connect certain places and things
with certain songs?
I know exactly what you mean.
Thank you. This may sound a bit pretentious,
but every time I'm in a taxi, I can't help but hum
Dove sono from Le nozze di Figaro
simply because once,
a rather zaftig Parisian cabby sang the entire aria
on a trip through Montparnasse to La Coupole.
Anyway, whenever I get out on the water like this,
I can't help thinking about this tune.
Cappy Johnny, the old sailor who taught me how to sail,
used to whistle it all the time.
"Popeye, the Sailor Man"?
You know it?
Oh, yes.
That one haunts me, too.
May I propose a toast?
- Indeed you may. - No, no, a shrimp toast.
A shrimp toast is even better.
To us.
How eloquent.
To us.
Boy... us.
What a pair, huh?
The important thing is that...
...this finally seems right.
- Yeah. - I'm so happy about us.
I feel so good.
To think, I almost let you get away because of Janet.
Well, you had some crazy notion you cared about her.
Hey, if it weren't for Janet, I wouldn't be here right now.
Which reminds me, I guess I better...
...better get to why I came here in the first place.
Can you give me some room here?
Oh, yes, indeed.
You know, for the longest time
I kept pretending about you.
I guess I was afraid to...
...really admit my feelings,
but from the very start, down deep inside,
I have been crazy about you,
crazier about you than any other woman I've ever met.
Hell, I was crazy about you even when I hated you.
What I'm trying to say is...
...will you marry me?
No.
No?
No.
Are you serious?
I'm afraid I am.
Well...
Seems to me you have two choices.
One, I can throw you in, or two, you can jump in.
- Sam... - It's very simple, one or two.
- Sam, you haven't heard... - It's not open for debate, Diane.
Sam, I think after you've heard my explanation,
you won't...
Sam!
Throw me a line! Please!
Okay. What's a nice girl like you
doing in an ocean like this?
Sam!
- What are you doing? - The dishes!
Sam, calm down. You're upset.
Only that I fished you out!
I know my answer was unexpected.
Unexpected? No, no. Don't be silly.
I brought you out here
so I could be dumped with a nautical theme.
Sam, if you'll stop that for a moment...
If you'll stop that for a moment, I'll try to explain...
...my answer.
- Are you done? - Maybe.
All right, then.
As it happens,
I came out here with every intention
of accepting your proposal...
But when you spoke of Janet, I...
...had this enormous pang of doubt.
What if wanting to get married
is a knee-jerk reaction to losing her?
Does he want me or just someone?
Oh, Sam, I want it so much,
but I have to be free of doubt before I can say yes.
Sam?
Did you notice that?
Notice what?
Everything just got calm.
I don't notice any difference.
Oh, yes, yes.
There's a difference in everything.
The whole world just changed for me.
Look!
The stars are new!
The moon is new.
Sam Malone is new, and I like him.
And I like them,
and they like me,
and none of us like you.
Am I going overboard again?
No, no. Don't be silly.
That would mean I care, and I don't.
- Bye-bye, Diane. - Where are you going?
I'm going to swim ashore.
You can't do that!
Very well. I'll take the dinghy.
See how quickly the new Sam adjusts?
You're going to just leave me out here, all alone?
Yes, I am.
Sam. Sam Malone, if you leave me out here all alone,
you are the most despicable creature on earth!
"Well, I yam what I yam,
and that's all what I yam."
Afternoon, Mr. Clavin.
Hey, Woodrow.
Suds du jour, please.
Oh! there he is. Normie!
So, Vera get home from Springfield last night, huh?
- Yep. - Yeah? So, how'd it go?
I'll tell you, Cliff, it got pretty hot
in our bedroom last night.
Air conditioning broke down.
- Hey... Sam. - The lucky fella.
Let me get this over with.
I asked her, she said no. End of bulletin.
Sorry, Sam.
I feel like dirt.
I'm fine. I just don't wanna talk about it, that's all.
Can I talk to you just for a minute?
Sure, Sam. What can I do you for?
Well...
I'm kind of worried that Diane may get hurt.
My God, Sam. That's very noble of you.
No, I mean that I...
I had a dream last night that I killed her.
And it felt really good.
Does this mean I'm crazy or...
No, no. Of course not.
It's very normal for most sane people
to entertain insane impulses sometimes.
It's very natural to want to hurt someone
that's rejected you. Well, for example...
...well, there's me.
I can't tell you how many times
I've felt my own hands around her windpipe...
...strangling her...
...fingers tightening...
...cartilage snapping...
...and I'm a respected psychiatrist.
Look, Sam, you've been through an emotional meat-grinder.
My best advice to you is get away,
relax, reflect on what's happened.
I still have the boat rented for a couple of days.
I guess I could sail up to Marblehead
and cool out there.
Thank you. Maybe I'll work on the old tan, too.
It'll be just what the doctor ordered, Sam.
Sun, salt air, ocean spray on your face.
I wish I could come with you.
Well, I wish I could ask.
I understand.
Boy, how about that Diane, huh?
Yeah. Just like all women.
If they're not turning your down your proposal of marriage,
they're accusing you of suspicious behavior
in the lingerie changing room.
Oh, hello, Diane.
Norman.
Excuse me, miss.
Aren't you confusing this bar with the one
where everyone isn't repulsed by your presence?
Oh, Frasier, please tell me where Sam is.
I have to talk with him.
Diane, in light of your disposal of him last night,
I think it's better that he be left alone right now.
That poor man. Can you imagine how he must feel?
Gee, I'll try.
Of course. I'm sorry.
It's just that I'm so distraught. I fear I've made a terrible mistake.
Sam's instincts were superior to my own.
He was right, and I was wrong.
I should have said yes.
You're running back to him?
If he'll have me. I...
Oh, my neck is so stiff from that water last night.
Would you give me one of your special massages?
- Please? - Certainly.
I was such a fool out in that boat last night.
When I told him no, I was listening to my head and not my heart.
I should have known.
Sam and I are inevitable.
Why fight it?
Frasier...
You don't mind me talking to you about this, do you?
- No, no, no. I'm happy for... - Feels better. Thank you.
Good, good. I'm really happy for you.
Diane, I think it's wise to go to him now.
- Yes. - Right now.
Yes! Yes, right now. Where is he?
He took the boat to Marblehead.
Oh, thank you, Frasier.
I'll wait till tonight
and motor out to the boat.
Yes. This is perfect. Sam will already be asleep,
and I'll slip into bed beside him
and give him the surprise of his life.
Diane, Sam's nose is pushed out of joint,
and I think you better let him cool down.
Oh, don't be silly. He proposed!
You can't turn off emotions like a spigot.
Besides, making up has always been
the cornerstone of our relationship.
That's what I always loved about the two of you, Diane.
That's beautiful, really.
You and Sam are magic.
I should have killed her while I had the chance.
Hey, everybody.
Sam. I thought you were on the high seas.
Yeah, well, I changed my mind.
I decided the best way to forget about Diane
was to start dating some babes long on legs
and short on syllables.
Sounds like a good plan, too.
Besides, I ran into an old my friend of mine,
Monsignor Demarest.
He needed to relax a little bit,
so I sent him up to Marblehead on the boat.
Oh, my God.
What?
Nothing.
It's nothing.
Thanks for the lift.
Cheers will be back in a moment.
Yes!
Yes, what?
Yes, I will marry you.
I see what's happening here.
You're still under the assumption
that that offer is still valid.
No, no. The statute of limitations on that proposal
ran out the second your feet hit the water.
In that case, may I suggest you propose again?
I assure you, this time, I will accept your proposal.
Fine. I propose that you step in front of a speeding bus.
From now on, I'm dedicating myself
to life, liberty, and the pursuit of every woman in Boston
except that one.
So, to celebrate, drinks are on the house.
- Come on, everybody. - Yay!
What do you think you're doing?
I'm going to work.
I'll probably stop working when we get married,
but I need a little money for my trousseau.
Who knows when the first little Malone will come along?
How do I say this clearly enough to register with you?
I'm buying everybody a drink in this bar
to seal the fact that you and I are through forever.
Oh, come on, Sam!
Come on. Nobody believes that.
Well, go ahead. Ask them.
Yeah, all right. I will.
Hey, turn around here for a minute, guys.
After everything I just said, do you think
that Diane and I will ever get back together again?
Could I have my drink before I answer?