1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,213
Hey, Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:06,340
Good afternoon, Woody.
3
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:07,674
Oh, hiya, Mr. Twitchell.
4
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If it isn't Walter K. Twitchell,
5
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The man who put
the knee in wienie.
6
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You South Central Branch types
are all alike. Wisenheimers.
7
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Good Lord, Miss Agnes.
8
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You're wearing
your postal key chain,
9
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and you're not
on active duty?
10
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,780
That's a direct violation
of postal regulations.
11
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I'm filing a report on you.
12
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- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
13
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I'd love to see
the supervisor's face
14
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when he calls me out on the mat,
15
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and I whip out this little baby.
16
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Care to take a peep at
the old French peeper here, Twitch?
17
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I warn you...
18
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She's pretty hot stuff.
19
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You're a sick man, Clavin.
20
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What?
21
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Nice shiner there, Twitch.
22
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They can never pass up a chance
23
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to sneak a peek
at Natalie in her nightie.
24
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Nightie?
25
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Wasn't wearing anything
I could see.
26
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Yeah?
27
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Revenge is sweet.
28
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Here's the mail!
Have a nice day.
29
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I'll get you!
30
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,707
You developing
a slow leak, Diane?
31
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No.
32
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I have a problem.
33
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I just don't know
who to talk to.
34
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,467
Oh. Well, how about me?
35
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:58,387
I don't think that would be
appropriate in this case.
36
00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,389
You see, it's a romantic problem.
37
00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:03,392
Considering our past,
I don't think
38
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,395
you could possibly maintain
your objectivity.
39
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Oh, come on, give it a shot.
40
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Very well.
41
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,403
As you know, last week
I was substituting
42
00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:17,280
as a teaching assistant
at the college, and...
43
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:21,118
It seems that one of the students
has fallen in love with me.
44
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,494
Marry him.
45
00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:28,875
Sam... in this case,
46
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,795
the smitten youth
is particularly good-looking.
47
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,214
No.
48
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,091
Make that exceptionally good-looking.
49
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,175
Okay.
50
00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:39,803
No. Make it Greek godlike.
51
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:43,223
The problem is
that he's very persistent,
52
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:47,227
and with his beauty
and youthful ardor,
53
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:50,272
I find myself
inexplicably drawn to him.
54
00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:52,649
He's asked me out
several times.
55
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:55,235
Now, I don't want
to encourage him,
56
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:58,238
but on the other hand,
I'm tempted.
57
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,240
What do you think
I should do, Sam?
58
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,868
I'm sorry.
I got sidetracked there.
59
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,453
I was looking at my foot.
60
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,041
Sam, please.
61
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,669
As you know, I'm one
who prides herself
62
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:16,631
on her attraction
to the inner man.
63
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:18,592
Every once in a while
someone comes along
64
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,886
that makes you go "zowie".
65
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,262
Oh, stop it, will you?
66
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,639
You're just trying
to make me jealous.
67
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:26,266
Your being jealous
68
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:27,976
was the farthest thing
from my mind.
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00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,688
Although, now that
you bring it up,
70
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:34,065
any sane man would be jealous
of Lance Apollonaire.
71
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:36,401
Oh, come on, if you're gonna
make a guy up, at least
72
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:39,112
give him a name that doesn't
sound like a bad after-shave.
73
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,409
I knew it was a mistake
to talk to you.
74
00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,745
I'll just have to
deal this on my own.
75
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,498
Rest assured, though,
that the last thing I need
76
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:52,209
is to become
that young man's Mrs. Robinson.
77
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,294
Wouldn't that be
Mrs. Apollonaire?
78
00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:57,923
No, Woody.
79
00:04:58,089 --> 00:04:59,841
Mrs. Robinson was a...
80
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,551
Yes, it would.
81
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,640
Top of the day,
everybody.
82
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,809
What a fine day
it is, too.
83
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,519
Why the good spirits,
Mr. Clavin?
84
00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:13,230
Well, you guys ever hear
of the Knights of the Scimitar?
85
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,232
Yeah, it's one of those lodges, right?
86
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,691
The lodge, Sammy.
87
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,568
It's always been a dream of mine
88
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,195
to become a member.
89
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,738
Well, yesterday I made it.
90
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:23,240
You guys are looking
at a Knight.
91
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,699
Hey, that's great.
92
00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:26,660
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
93
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,620
You know, Dad himself was a Knight.
94
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,330
When I was a kid,
I used to sneak up into his room
95
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,790
when he was out at work,
96
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:34,668
and try on his turban and sword.
97
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:35,710
And unless I miss my guess,
98
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:37,337
you completed the outfit
99
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,381
with your mother's bra
and high heels.
100
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,261
Carla, this is serious.
101
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,555
It's no easy task
getting into the Knights.
102
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,431
Oh, sure, as the son
of an alumnus,
103
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:51,268
I was guaranteed
full membership.
104
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,770
But well, my oath does not
permit me to say any more.
105
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,272
Thank God.
106
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:57,357
Yeah. But the best part is...
107
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,442
Your oath, Clavin.
Your oath.
108
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,152
No, this stuff's permissible.
109
00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:02,821
Oh, shut up anyway.
110
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:05,699
Well, so, don't listen!
111
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:09,286
Look, the best part
is that now I'm a member,
112
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,329
I can get
all you guys in.
113
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,666
Of course it's gonna have to be
one at a time.
114
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,002
Now, I've figured out a fair way
to do the choosing, okay?
115
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,963
I'm thinking of a number
between one and ten.
116
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Whoever's the closest wins.
Norm, you first.
117
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2,000,012.
118
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:29,973
2,000,013.
119
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:32,893
2,000,014.
120
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:36,313
Well, the number was four.
121
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:38,398
Norm's closest
with 2,000,012.
122
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,109
Darn!
I was gonna say four.
123
00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:43,320
I should've stuck
to my first instinct.
124
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:49,367
Cliff ie, thanks a lot,
but I'm just not interested.
125
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,494
I guess I'm an example
of the old adage...
126
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:52,662
I'd never join a club
127
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,915
that would have
someone like you as a member.
128
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,001
Hey, Normie.
129
00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:00,337
The Knights got a lot
of bankers, lawyers,
130
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:03,715
- sort of captains of industry down there.
- So?
131
00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:06,468
So, they're gonna need accountants,
132
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:08,595
and God knows
you could use a few clients.
133
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,097
I've heard those places
are great for making contacts.
134
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:14,976
Business has been down
just a bit this past year.
135
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,144
There you go.
136
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:17,938
Woody, give me the horn,
will you?
137
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,607
Boy, you're gonna love it
down at the lodge.
138
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,025
After a hard day's work,
139
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,860
it's a great place to unwind.
140
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:27,697
Yeah. Wearing those turbans,
you probably need a place to unwind.
141
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,284
You know, unwind?
142
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,914
Turbans, how they're all wound up
around your head,
143
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:37,707
then you gotta unwind them.
144
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,377
Hey, good one, Woody.
145
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,173
I was voted class clown.
146
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,092
You should be proud.
147
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,594
I was only running
for class president.
148
00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:00,063
Oh, Diane, would you do me a favor
149
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,648
and run up and get some change
from Melville's, please?
150
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,864
What are you doing?
151
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:12,659
Lance is definitely
taller than you are.
152
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,496
For a while there,
I thought you were taller,
153
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:20,333
but I see why I was mistaken.
Your shoulders are less broad,
154
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:24,045
thus giving you the illusion
of greater height.
155
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:29,009
I promised not to bring up
this Adonis-like creature, didn't I?
156
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,010
Sorry.
157
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,928
Hey, don't be sorry
about a little fantasy.
158
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:35,140
I'm not sorry about the fantasy
I had a couple of hours ago.
159
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,058
By the way,
how many nurses do you think
160
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,352
can fit in a standard-sized hot tub?
161
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:46,901
Sam, I assure you,
Lance is not a fantasy.
162
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:51,156
And the feelings he inspires
are very real, too.
163
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:52,866
Change.
164
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,702
Not for you or any man.
165
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,162
No, no, Diane.
166
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,205
Change... nickels, dimes, quarters.
167
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,589
Can I ask you a question here, Carla?
168
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:10,550
Who's the handsomest
man you know?
169
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,093
Robert Redford.
170
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,179
No, he's a movie star.
171
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,972
I mean someone
you really know.
172
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,140
Robert Redford.
173
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:19,934
You don't know
Robert Redford.
174
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,186
Yes, I do.
175
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,688
How come you never
mentioned it?
176
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:27,150
If you were the only woman in Boston
he was messing around with,
177
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,568
would you tell anybody?
178
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:35,283
Okay, all right,
besides Robert Redford.
179
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:37,452
I mean, somebody
you see in the city.
180
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,329
Who's the handsomest guy
you see in the city?
181
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:40,497
Dwight Evans.
182
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:44,084
No, not an athlete.
183
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,419
Somebody that you see every day.
184
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,879
My butcher.
185
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,465
In this bar, Carla.
186
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,509
Well, uh...
Standing next to you,
187
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:53,718
getting very angry.
188
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:57,680
Well, that would be you, Sam.
189
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:00,725
Why do you put me
through this stuff?
190
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:02,519
Put you through what?
191
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:11,069
Hey, uh, Woody,
come here for a second.
192
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,571
Let me ask you
a question.
193
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:16,199
Who's the handsomest
guy you know?
194
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,660
Oh, that's easy.
Carla's butcher.
195
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,083
Evening, everybody.
196
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,501
- Norm!
- Norm!
197
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:28,253
What's the latest,
Mr. Peterson?
198
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:30,255
Zsa Zsa marries a millionaire,
199
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,882
Peterson drinks a beer.
Film at 11:00.
200
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,926
Hey, Normie, you're supposed
to be at your interview
201
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:36,261
down at the lodge.
202
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:37,637
Oh, yeah. I've already been, Cliff.
203
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,264
Already... it took, what, 15 minutes?
204
00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:40,723
Something like that.
205
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,935
Did you get to meet
the High Sultan?
206
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,937
Good guy. He was, yeah.
207
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,314
Tell me.
What did you say to him?
208
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,400
Uh, something like, "Hi, high."
209
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:52,986
That's great, Norm.
210
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,946
I told you to be
friendly, not flippant.
211
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:58,449
Frankly this just doesn't
bode at all well for you.
212
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:01,661
Cheers.
213
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,288
It's for you.
214
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:06,040
It's probably those guys.
They said they were gonna call.
215
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:07,542
Yeah, like they called
Joan of Arc
216
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:10,086
before they turned her
into French toast.
217
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:14,424
Now look, look.
Treat this guy with respect, all right?
218
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:15,717
Hello?
219
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,845
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, hi, high.
220
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:22,307
Yeah. Great.
221
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:24,225
No, no apology necessary.
222
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,602
That's okay. Sure.
223
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,812
All right. Bye.
224
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:29,397
You blew it.
225
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:31,232
You got nobody to blame
but yourself now.
226
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:34,027
No, Cliff ie, he just apologized
for making me wait so long.
227
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,111
I'm a Knight.
228
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:37,697
Congratulations.
229
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:40,658
How's that for the old
Clavin clone, huh?
230
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,327
Evening, Sam.
231
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:43,620
Hey, Frasier.
232
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,330
What's with
your voice?
233
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:48,708
I spent the afternoon
screaming at a patient.
234
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,172
What kind of therapy is that?
235
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,716
It's not therapy.
He burned a hole in my carpet.
236
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:04,766
Anyway, how are you doing,
Sam, old man?
237
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,351
You know, Frasier,
238
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:09,896
I don't like that phrase
"old man" anymore.
239
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,356
I prefer "buddy."
240
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,358
How you doin' Sam,
old buddy?
241
00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:19,113
Look, is something bothering you?
242
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,201
Well, yeah.
243
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,286
Diane's made up some guy
who's supposed to be great-looking
244
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,788
Just to get me riled.
245
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,998
I mean, I could care less
about the whole thing..
246
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:30,375
Good for you, Sam.
247
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,252
You know, the old Sam
would have rambled on and on
248
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:35,213
about how jealous he isn't,
proving only that he really is.
249
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:38,299
Right. I mean, I could give
a rat's rear what Diane does
250
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,344
Or who she does it with.
251
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:44,597
I'm certainly am not jealous
about some college punk kid.
252
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,808
And even if I were,
which I'm not...
253
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,893
Call me at the office.
254
00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:55,566
Sammy, wanna see a sap?
255
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,277
Sure. Why not?
256
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:01,197
That's me, Carla.
257
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,200
But a great-looking sap, right?
258
00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:05,743
Not bad. Why?
259
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:08,037
Not bad? He's a killer,
and I can't believe
260
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:09,455
with a mug like that
261
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,291
you're letting Diane
do a number on you.
262
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,668
- What are you talkin' about?
- Oh, come on,
263
00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,253
she's just trying to make you jealous.
264
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,422
You're sucking it up
like a hoover deluxe.
265
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,094
No, I'm not.
I mean, first of all,
266
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,470
I don't believe
this Lance guy exists,
267
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:25,888
but if he does exist,
268
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,473
I don't believe
he's crazy about her.
269
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,350
And even if he's exists
and he's crazy about her,
270
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,060
he's gotta have
a face like a fish.
271
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:36,482
Excuse me.
Is Diane chambers here?
272
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:39,319
Uh, she'll be right back, Mr...
273
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:40,486
Apollonaire.
274
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,284
Check out what Diane thinks
is great-looking, will ya?
275
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,082
Carla?
276
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,137
Is she gonna be all right?
277
00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:08,514
Yeah, of course she's
gonna be all right.
278
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,475
Yeah, I'm fine.
279
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,352
I just had this dream
280
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,479
that I saw
the handsomest man.
281
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:21,110
Would you stop that!
282
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,779
Nice going, Sam.
283
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,530
I was hoping he'd give me
mouth to mouth.
284
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:27,617
You still can, you know.
285
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:32,372
Diane's upstairs.
She'll be right down.
286
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:33,748
Can I get you something?
287
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:35,291
How about a beer?
288
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:40,046
Oh, dear. Now, I'm sorry,
I'm gonna have to ask you for an ID.
289
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,048
Yeah, sure.
290
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,388
Ha ha ha ha!
291
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,391
Is something funny?
292
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:54,769
Yeah. It says here you're 6'2 1/2".
293
00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:55,895
So?
294
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,147
Ha! I'm 6'3".
295
00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:04,237
Oh, Diane, your little friend's
here to see you.
296
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,032
Lance, what are you doing here?
297
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:09,492
I brought these
for you.
298
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:10,868
6'2 1/2".
299
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:15,081
Oh, thank you.
They're beautiful.
300
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,958
They must have
cost you a fortune.
301
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:19,419
Oh, no. I picked
them all myself
302
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,962
and arranged them, too.
303
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,423
I was hoping they might
change your mind
304
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,842
about going with me
to Vermont.
305
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,552
Lance, I've already told you,
306
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,971
I don't think it would be a good idea
307
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:32,265
for you and me
to go away together.
308
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:35,059
Will you at least
think about it?
309
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,064
Okay.
310
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,566
I'll...
311
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:44,152
- I'll think about it.
- Fair enough.
312
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:45,611
Talk to you on Friday.
313
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,534
Oh, dear.
314
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,457
Things are beginning
to get complicated.
315
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:58,958
Lance is becoming
more insistent
316
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,085
that I go away with him
this weekend.
317
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:04,464
So, Sam,
should I go or not
318
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:07,842
with this figment
of my imagination?
319
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,094
Well, if you do, just make sure
he doesn't eat first.
320
00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:11,554
Children tend to get carsick.
321
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:18,895
I know I shouldn't even
be considering it,
322
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:22,273
but when I look at him,
I consider it.
323
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:27,111
Excuse me, but what happened
to the woman who said,
324
00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:30,114
"It's the inner
man who counts"?
325
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:35,203
That woman just pictured Lance
gathering flowers in his bikini briefs.
326
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:39,790
So did this one.
327
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,508
Thank you, brother Tanner,
328
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,968
for reading the minutes
of last week's meeting.
329
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,515
Brother Foley, what's the next
order of business?
330
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,725
According to the
agenda, High Sultan,
331
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:00,728
we're to welcome
our newest member
332
00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,939
into the Knights of the Scimitar.
333
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:07,610
Ah, yes. Stand up, Norm Peterson,
and be welcomed.
334
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:15,243
Norm, why don't you tell us
a little bit about yourself.
335
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,245
Well, there's really
nothing to say, guys.
336
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,247
Now, don't be modest.
337
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:23,000
No, I mean it.
There's really nothing to say.
338
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:24,835
See, I was born in Chicago.
339
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:27,922
I moved to Boston
and became an accountant.
340
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,131
Are you married?
341
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:30,132
Yeah.
342
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,133
To?
343
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,343
Long.
344
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:37,265
By the way, in case you guys
need a good accountant,
345
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:40,518
I did happen to bring
some of my business cards along.
346
00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:42,562
Sorry, Norm.
I guess you didn't get the word.
347
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:45,731
It's against the rules to do business
with fellow lodge members.
348
00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:52,321
You know, Cliff said...
349
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,323
My fault for listening.
350
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:59,328
Well, Norm.
The time has now arrived...
351
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:03,040
For you to undergo
the initiation ritual.
352
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,834
Stand, please.
353
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,754
Approach me.
354
00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:18,848
Are you prepared?
355
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,185
Yeah.
356
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:26,814
Congratulations!
357
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:33,821
Just like that, huh?
358
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:36,407
That's it. Grab a hat
and sword out of the bin.
359
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:40,244
My God,
the pageantry!
360
00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:43,748
Okay. Our next order of business...
361
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:46,334
Look, I'm sorry about that business.
362
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,543
I didn't know. I guess...
363
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,378
Great time to find out.
364
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,380
If it's any consolation,
365
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:53,382
these guys give great parties.
366
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,009
Ho ho ho, hey.
367
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,386
I thought this was gonna be
really stupid,
368
00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:00,014
but these are a good
bunch of guys, I tell you.
369
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:01,807
Have I ever steered you wrong?
370
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,685
Yeah. That's why I thought
it was gonna be stupid.
371
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:07,146
Too bad about
the business stuff,
372
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,856
but I feel pretty comfortable
with these guys.
373
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,651
Thank you
for sponsoring me, buddy.
374
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,819
Can't wait for some
of these parties.
375
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:17,448
Oh, before I forget,
376
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:21,369
the referendum that we ban beer
at all lodge functions has been passed.
377
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:22,578
Good-bye!
378
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:39,553
So, what time's
Peewee coming in?
379
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,432
If you're referring to Lance,
380
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,434
I'm expecting him shortly...
381
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:47,144
Soon.
382
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,982
And I don't appreciate
these constant attempts
383
00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:53,234
to denigrate him.
384
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,945
Let me ask you
a question.
385
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:57,905
What do you see in him?
386
00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:03,828
You mean besides
a young, brainy,
387
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:06,038
stunningly gorgeous man
388
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,082
with many interests
similar to mine,
389
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:12,002
who's fawning over me and giving me
all the attention I could ever ask for?
390
00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:13,337
Yeah.
391
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:17,049
I see...
392
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:20,261
What I used to see in you
393
00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:22,304
before you decided
to spend the last few months
394
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,515
flogging me with your apathy.
395
00:20:24,682 --> 00:20:28,519
I'm sorry, Diane,
but that's all I had handy.
396
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:33,816
Hi, Diane.
397
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:35,651
Have you made a decision?
398
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:39,363
Have I, Sam?
399
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,532
Send me a postcard.
400
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,958
I don't think I can go
401
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:53,461
because it would upset
someone too much.
402
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:56,046
Diane, go with
someone's blessings.
403
00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,633
Excuse me.
404
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,511
May I speak with you
for a moment?
405
00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:03,971
Hop up on a stool there, Lance.
406
00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:06,348
Carla, why don't you
pour him a beer.
407
00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:13,147
I know you're still smarting
408
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:15,983
from my turning down
your proposal of marriage,
409
00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:19,069
but how long can
you drag this out?
410
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,489
You're hurting me
but you're also hurting yourself
411
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,240
with this feigned indifference.
412
00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:24,784
Well, while we're talking
about hurting people,
413
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:26,368
how do you think
Lance is gonna feel
414
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,829
when he finds out
you're using him to get to me?
415
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:30,790
I am not using him.
416
00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:33,334
I like him.
417
00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:35,002
He treats me wonderfully.
418
00:21:35,169 --> 00:21:38,589
And I don't, so go with him.
419
00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:45,262
Mr. Malone,
I'm about to call your bluff.
420
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,389
I'm going to go
with him,
421
00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,725
and I'm going to have
a great time,
422
00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:53,437
and it will leave you
a hollow, broken man.
423
00:21:57,107 --> 00:21:58,400
All right.
424
00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:02,947
All Right. Just watch
while I give you a little preview
425
00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:05,741
of our weekend together.
426
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:11,247
I'm going to kiss him
in front of you and the whole bar,
427
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:14,124
and it's going to kill you.
428
00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:15,584
Lance.
429
00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:17,878
This is for the flowers.
430
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:28,848
Now, Mr. indifference,
431
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:30,266
you're going to tell me
that doesn't bother you?
432
00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:31,725
Well, I have to admit,
433
00:22:31,892 --> 00:22:34,520
for a while there, my life
passed before my eyes,
434
00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:37,731
but the funny thing is
you weren't in it.
435
00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:39,316
Right.
436
00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:41,610
Lance, let's go.
437
00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:42,653
Diane!
438
00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:44,321
Yes, Sam.
439
00:22:44,488 --> 00:22:48,367
It would've bothered me
if he had done this.
440
00:23:05,467 --> 00:23:07,845
Yes, I can see where that
441
00:23:08,012 --> 00:23:10,931
might have given you
cause for concern.
442
00:23:13,809 --> 00:23:16,687
So, Diane, are you
about ready to go?
443
00:23:20,024 --> 00:23:21,317
Uh... Lance.
444
00:23:21,483 --> 00:23:22,401
Thank you.
445
00:23:25,029 --> 00:23:27,573
Lance, I just remembered
446
00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:30,326
I have to work
this weekend.
447
00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:33,120
That's okay. I understand.
448
00:23:34,496 --> 00:23:35,331
Good-bye.
449
00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:36,415
Good-bye, Lance.
450
00:23:38,042 --> 00:23:40,878
Well, kid, you blew it.
451
00:23:41,503 --> 00:23:44,340
You know what would've
really bothered Sam?
452
00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:47,801
It would be if you had
kissed her like this.
453
00:23:55,559 --> 00:23:57,102
Carla, you're not
involved in this.
454
00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:58,479
I am now.