1
00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:04,546
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:06,215
Hey, Sam.
3
00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:07,216
Hey, Woody.
4
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,551
Is it all right if I hang
some Christmas decorations in here?
5
00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:12,429
Sure. Boy, is it that time again?
6
00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:15,891
Wow. Christmas comes earlier
every year, doesn't it?
7
00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:18,685
Well, no.
I think if you check, Sam,
8
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,688
it always comes
on the 25th of December.
9
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,732
Of course, of course.
10
00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:26,109
Thank you. Thank you.
11
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,695
Oh, look at that,
will you?
12
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,030
Nice Rudolph.
13
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,658
- I made it myself.
- No kidding.
14
00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:35,911
You know, Rudolph's my favorite guy
in the Christmas songs.
15
00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:37,204
Yeah.
16
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,747
Apparently, then, Woody,
you're unaware
17
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,249
that the story of Rudolph
the red-nosed reindeer
18
00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:41,458
is one of the most unrealistic
19
00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:42,876
and therefore potentially damaging
20
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,461
in all of children's music.
21
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:47,464
It gives them
a horribly distorted view of reality.
22
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:50,217
Yeah, but got to admit it,
it's easy to whistle.
23
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,261
No, I'm serious.
24
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:55,639
First, the other reindeer
tease and then ostracize him,
25
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:59,351
and then when his abnormality
proves of service, they use him.
26
00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:03,605
But then do they allow him
to play in their stupid reindeer games?
27
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:04,856
- Yes.
- Yes.
28
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:06,984
No, no. I know
how the song goes.
29
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:10,445
In fact, not only
do Donner, Blitzen, et. al
30
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,781
not love him
and laugh out with glee,
31
00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:15,534
but they doubly despised
the bulbous-nosed little wimp.
32
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,788
Well, I gotta be off.
Happy holidays!
33
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,662
Prithee, friends,
what thinks thou?
34
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,123
You look ridiculous.
35
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,500
I beg your pardon.
36
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,127
This is an absolutely
authentic example
37
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:51,171
of feminine colonial headwear.
38
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,508
I'm sorry.
Thou lookest ridiculous.
39
00:02:58,053 --> 00:03:00,555
Hey, Miss Chambers,
what's the pilgrim get-up for?
40
00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,557
I was hoping somebody might ask.
41
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:05,560
We're going to have
to talk later, Woody.
42
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:09,439
My graduate American literature
professor, Dr. Narsutis,
43
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:13,110
annually recreates
the first thanksgiving dinner at his home.
44
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:16,196
He only invites two or three
favorite students
45
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,448
To break bread
with his family
46
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:21,535
and other honored guests,
such as William Styron,
47
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,287
and guess who's
going to be there.
48
00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:27,082
William Styron?
49
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,001
Yes, Woody...
50
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:33,213
Heck, anybody could have got it
if they'd really been listening.
51
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:38,051
What a wonderful opportunity
for you, Diane.
52
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:41,179
Perhaps in the evening you can
establish a rapport with Mr. Styron
53
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,098
while passing the yams.
54
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:46,560
Who knows, come pie time, he may well
have taken you under his wing
55
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:49,020
and launched you
into the literary galaxy.
56
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,898
Frasier, you and I
are of like mind.
57
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,192
Except one of us is kidding.
58
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,868
Sam, I'd thought we'd spend
the holidays together,
59
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:06,455
but when you made
no move in that direction,
60
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:09,958
I made these alternate plans.
I hope it won't spoil your holiday.
61
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,669
Thank you.
No. I have other plans.
62
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:15,172
Oh, good.
I'm glad to hear that.
63
00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:19,217
And in all fairness, I will understand
if you get an escort for the day.
64
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:21,678
It really wouldn't hurt my feelings
in the slightest.
65
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:24,681
Good. 'Cause I already have
a date with Wendy.
66
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:26,725
How could you?
67
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:29,770
Now you just said
that it was okay, didn't you?
68
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,606
Yes.
69
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:35,901
I'm sorry.
70
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,235
It's fine.
71
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:38,361
Enjoy.
72
00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,155
Thank you.
73
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,699
Besides, I know we'll have
many holidays together
74
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,243
when you and I are one.
75
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,496
You already are one, Diane.
76
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,752
So, what's everybody else doing?
77
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:56,129
- I don't know.
- The usual.
78
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,465
Well, that sounds like fun, too.
79
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,553
Well, I'm on my own
this year.
80
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,138
- Kids aren't with you?
- No.
81
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,265
They're in Atlantic City with Nick.
82
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,394
This is my first Thanksgiving
away from home,
83
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,480
I mean, unless you count last year.
84
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:19,319
Wait a second. Listen to you.
Carla, you have a new place.
85
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:22,239
- You could have a little gathering.
- Forget it.
86
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:23,782
Oh, come on.
87
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,450
What could be more enjoyable
88
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:28,245
than opening your heart
with holiday cheer.
89
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,705
Opening yours
with a can opener?
90
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,625
That sounds great.
91
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:36,336
No, I meant the first part,
Miss Chambers.
92
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,464
Well, why not?
93
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:42,467
But it's going to have to be potluck.
94
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:45,053
Sammy, why don't you
bring your date and join us?
95
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,055
All right, tell you what, Carla.
96
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:48,431
I'm good for dessert.
97
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,183
So I've been told.
98
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:55,063
I'm glad you're all fending off
the holiday blues.
99
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:58,066
This time of year's
filled with arguments,
100
00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,734
suicides, murders.
101
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,653
Yeah, I guess
it's the seasonal happiness of others
102
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,281
tends to throw a glaring light
on flaws
103
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,074
in our own interpersonal relationships.
104
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:09,244
But see, of course,
that's no problem for me. I'm alone.
105
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,206
Want to join us
for some bird, Frasier?
106
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,666
Could I?
107
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,171
Sure. The more the merrier.
108
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,883
So, what time do you
want us there, Carla?
109
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,260
What do you mean "us", Clavin?
110
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:26,761
Well, you know--
111
00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:30,348
This party is for lonelies,
not home lies.
112
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,059
Besides, you'll be with your mother.
113
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,103
No, no. Not this year.
114
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:38,106
She's going down and ladling out
some cream-of-something
115
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,774
to the folks down at
the rescue mission.
116
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,569
- Oh, how sweet.
- Why don't you join her?
117
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,405
Are you kidding?
I did my part this year.
118
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,741
I was in "Hands Across America,'
remember?
119
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:50,035
Okay.
120
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,454
Norm, how about you and Vera?
121
00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:54,497
No, I can't make it this year.
122
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,416
Why not? I mean,
we've never even met Vera.
123
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,752
We've got to go
to Vera's mother's.
124
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,837
Such a drag--
no beer,
125
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:04,424
no TV, heat turned up to 80.
126
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,344
That's all right, Normie.
127
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:10,221
You got to do what your little wifey
wants you to do.
128
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,933
You got them or you don't.
129
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,601
You know something,
Cliff?
130
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,227
You're absolutely right.
131
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:18,021
Eight years I've been going
to that old bat's house.
132
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,856
I think Vera owes me one,
all right?
133
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,817
I'm going to march into that house.
I'm just gonna say, "Vera...
134
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,903
"This year we're going to Carla's
for Thanksgiving.
135
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,279
That's the last I want to hear
on the subject."
136
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,406
- Yeah!
- Good for you, Norm.
137
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:29,866
Okay, Norm's out!
138
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:34,329
Count me in, all right?
You'll see.
139
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,873
Well... my house, noonish?
140
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,876
This is going to be
the greatest!
141
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,836
I'm so relieved.
142
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,881
Now I don't worry about
my poor little Thanksgiving orphans
143
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,425
Whilst I sup with the literati.
144
00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:51,388
Boy, you know, I don't know
who's luckier.
145
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:54,307
You, 'cause you get to go
to that great party
146
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,477
or us because you get to go
to that great party.
147
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:06,987
- Hey!
- Oh!
148
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,447
And there's the gun,
ending the first half...
149
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,908
This is like
being back home.
150
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,911
Hey, Carla, look,
I want to tell you
151
00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:17,247
how much I appreciate
you inviting me over here.
152
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:18,665
Don't mention it.
153
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,291
I really appreciate it.
154
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,836
No, I mean, don't
ever mention to anyone
155
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,088
that I let you in this house.
156
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:28,717
May I change the channel
157
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,468
or are you guys watching
this half time salute
158
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:31,636
to our fabulous universe?
159
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:32,679
Yeah, go ahead.
160
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,556
Oh, the parade!
161
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,474
And who's this flying our way?
162
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,643
None other than
a 60-foot mighty mouse.
163
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,812
All right!
Mighty Mouse!
164
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,025
I'll get it.
165
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,486
Afternoon, everybody.
166
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:49,946
- Normie!
- Norm!
167
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:52,824
Where's Vera?
168
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,744
She's... going to put on
a little more make-up.
169
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,163
That first coat
didn't really take.
170
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,585
She is coming, isn't she?
171
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:06,046
Well... maybe.
172
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:08,006
What are you saying there, Normie?
173
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,508
We had the worst fight
of our marriage.
174
00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,677
Oh, gee. That's tough.
175
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,929
She knew how much
this meant to me,
176
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,390
and she still insisted
on going to her mother's.
177
00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:20,643
So I told her,
"Look, I'm going to Carla's.
178
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,562
You want to meet me there?
Fine.
179
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,689
If you want to go to your mother's,
you can just stay there."
180
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:26,649
Brutal.
181
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,035
You know, Norm,
I don't think you should worry about it.
182
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,662
She'll probably come to her senses
and show up.
183
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:42,457
The important thing is
that you're here with us now.
184
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:45,043
This is gonna be
the best thanksgiving ever.
185
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,711
All right, Woody.
186
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:48,296
I brought that turkey.
187
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,553
That turkey seems
kind of big and raw.
188
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,305
You think it's gonna be ready
in time for dinner?
189
00:09:57,472 --> 00:10:00,558
I had planned on just a bit more
cooking time, Woods
190
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:03,561
but traffic on I-93
was bumper to bumper.
191
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:04,938
I-93? I took side streets.
192
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,190
I got here in 35 minutes, buddy.
193
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:08,608
You didn't take Mass Avenue.
194
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:09,609
No. Commonwealth--
195
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:10,610
I swear to god--
196
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:11,611
Commonwealth runs--
197
00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:14,614
I need the quickest way
to get to the kitchen now.
198
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,616
Come on. I'll show you
where everything is.
199
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,960
Hey. No waiting around
for my contribution.
200
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,212
Here you go.
201
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,256
- Popcorn balls.
- Chow down.
202
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:33,800
Are these what you brought
to the Halloween party.
203
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,678
Yeah. They're a perennial favorite,
Wood man.
204
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:38,805
Yeah, but aren't these
the ones you brought to...
205
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:42,684
Let me.
206
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:46,062
Hi.
207
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,064
Hi, Sammy. I thought
maybe you were Vera.
208
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:50,358
Boy, I can't wait to meet her.
209
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:52,735
Hey, Sammy.
210
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,195
How are you, Sam?
211
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:55,572
Where's your date?
212
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,782
Aw, well, change of plans.
213
00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:00,201
Her sister showed up
from out of town
214
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,163
and they didn't like my idea.
So what the hell.
215
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:05,498
Hey, guys.
216
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:08,418
Hey. Yeah.
217
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:09,586
Watching. Great.
218
00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:16,426
You know, the important thing
is that you're here now.
219
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,428
We're all here.
This is gonna be the greatest.
220
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:19,679
Who needs family?
221
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:20,889
You know Woody, you're right.
222
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:23,766
Family is not necessarily limited
to blood relations.
223
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:24,976
That's right.
224
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,312
It's better than hanging out
with a bunch of dingbat cousins
225
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:29,814
all day long, that you don't see
but once a year.
226
00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:31,441
Or waiting for some nutty old aunt
227
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,859
to show up
and spoil all your fun.
228
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:35,528
Gobble, gobble.
229
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:48,750
Carla, open the door.
230
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:49,918
No!
231
00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:51,127
It's Thanksgiving, Carla.
232
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:52,712
Oh, okay.
233
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,131
Maybe she'll choke
on a drumstick.
234
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,343
Thank you, Carla.
235
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:00,678
Hello, everyone.
236
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,055
Hey, Miss Chambers.
237
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,056
Hey, uh...
238
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:04,515
Diane.
239
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:07,018
Carla, I like what you've
done with the place.
240
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,686
What do you want?
241
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:12,607
Well, I decided I'd rather
be among friends
242
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,567
Than with my stuffy old professor.
243
00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:18,279
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
244
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:19,989
What happened?
245
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,243
- Oh...
- Come on.
246
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,912
I'm afraid
my golden afternoon
247
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,413
turned to dross.
248
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,457
I thought it was clouding up.
249
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,419
The moment I arrived
at the home of my professor
250
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:37,048
I was greeted by a man
with a clipboard
251
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:39,050
who handed me a tray
and told me to serve
252
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:40,677
a daiquiri to Miss Radziwill.
253
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:45,098
We students were invited
as domestic help.
254
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,391
Heh heh heh!
255
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,187
It might be all right
256
00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:54,274
when you're
a wide-eyed 19-year-old,
257
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,943
but it's not all right
when you're... not.
258
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:00,780
We're all very sorry, Diane.
259
00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:02,657
Thank you, Sam.
260
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:05,868
At least you told that pinhead off,
didn't you?
261
00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:09,372
Oh, I dropped the tray,
burst into tears,
262
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:12,625
took a moment to freshen up
my mascara, and fled.
263
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,212
The important thing
is you're here now.
264
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:17,505
This is gonna be great.
265
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:20,300
Somebody put a gag
on Andy Hardy.
266
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,303
You know Diane, if I were you,
I'd call that guy up
267
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,847
and nail his sheepskin
to the wall.
268
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,473
You're absolutely right.
269
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,643
Hey! Better yet,
why don't you go on over there
270
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:31,978
and tell him in person?
271
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,229
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
272
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:34,564
Good idea.
273
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,859
Hello. Dr. Narsutis?
This is Diane Chambers.
274
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,861
Yes, the one who fled.
275
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:43,281
Listen--I beg your pardon?
276
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:47,577
Well, yes, of course
I accept your apology.
277
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,288
He's invited me back.
278
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:51,456
Go. Go.
279
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:53,207
Best thing that
could happen.
280
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:55,626
Dr. Narsutis,
I'm sorry. I can't.
281
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,671
I'm here with my friends,
my support system,
282
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,299
and there's really
no place I'd rather be.
283
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,676
I trust this won't
affect my grade.
284
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:06,095
Thank you.
285
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:07,597
Good day, Sir.
286
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:10,558
Turned him
down, huh?
287
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:15,271
Now that I find myself
in the warmth of your company,
288
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:16,898
how could I possibly go?
289
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:18,316
The street.
290
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:19,317
I-93.
291
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,194
You holiday hooligans,
292
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,820
give me a beer.
293
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,824
So, Sam--thanks.
294
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:28,284
Where's your date?
295
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:29,911
Oh, change of plans.
296
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:30,953
Her sister showed up.
297
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,206
Of course she did.
298
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,666
Chortle, chortle.
299
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:40,546
No, I'm serious. I had a date,
and it fell through.
300
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,549
You don't have to convince me, Sam.
I believe you.
301
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,135
I'm telling you the truth.
302
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:48,721
And I love you for it.
303
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,434
How's the turkey doing there,
Norm?
304
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,521
I'd say pretty good
for about five minutes.
305
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,816
Half time's over.
The game's back on.
306
00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:02,568
Oh, you're
watching sports?
307
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,862
Don't worry about it, Diane.
Game's almost over.
308
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,823
Oh, I hope so.
309
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:13,996
I deliver his mail.
310
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,124
Isn't this game
over yet?
311
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,208
Not yet.
312
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,876
Well, their uniforms
313
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,753
are different colors
than before.
314
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,048
They gotta to change them
every time they score a touchdown.
315
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,845
Normie, where the hell's that bird?
316
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,596
It's a big turkey.
317
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:31,806
So are you.
318
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,651
Now wait a minute!
319
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,571
Diane, you're absolutely right.
320
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,948
Let's turn it back on football, guys.
321
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:51,576
No, no, no!
Enough is enough!
322
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,661
I don't think
watching television
323
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:54,954
was the pilgrim's original intent
324
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,956
when they created
the holiday.
325
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,541
Well, uh...
326
00:15:58,708 --> 00:15:59,959
- No, hey...
- Come on!
327
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:03,588
Look, look, look.
The turkey's probably almost done.
328
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,965
Let's adjourn to the dining room.
329
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,092
Wonderful idea, Norman.
Wonderful.
330
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:11,596
Okay. We'll be sitting
boy, girl, boy, girl.
331
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,598
Clavin, you can sit anywhere.
332
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,935
Somebody save me a seat.
I got to see a man about a horse.
333
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:20,396
He doesn't really have to
see a man about a horse.
334
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,820
Yes. All right.
335
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:32,200
What do you say
we dig into this jell-o surprise here?
336
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:36,120
We're not eating
until the turkey's on the table.
337
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:38,998
Everybody went to a lot of bother
to make this fine meal.
338
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,666
We're not gonna eat
it in pieces.
339
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,085
Keep your hands
off the food.
340
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:47,256
Listen, guys, the turkey's
not exactly browned just yet.
341
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:48,925
So, what color is it, then?
342
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,635
Off-white.
343
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:56,224
I reset the timer
and turned up the gas.
344
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:59,227
I expect the little pop thing
will be popping out any time now.
345
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:02,230
I hope in a hurry
because I'm starved.
346
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:06,567
Well, I suggest we take advantage
of the delay
347
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:10,655
and engage in one of my family's
favorite little Thanksgiving traditions.
348
00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:13,533
Sam, I know you're standing
in the hallway. get in here.
349
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,619
Rats.
350
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,539
In lieu of grace,
351
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,499
we stand up and take turns
352
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,292
toasting that for which
we are thankful.
353
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:25,378
Since you're already standing, Sam,
why don't you begin?
354
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,673
All right. I'm, uh...
355
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:32,051
I'm thankful that I...
have a super car
356
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,678
and a cool stereo
357
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,222
and that I'm not dressed
in a pilgrim's outfit.
358
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,934
You make a mockery
of everything.
359
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:41,060
Oh, well...
360
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:42,186
Hey, can I go next?
361
00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,563
I don't see a line.
362
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,731
Woody! Woody! Woody!
363
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,525
Woody! Woody! Woody!
364
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,404
I'm thankful
I'm an American.
365
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:52,822
Hey, all right.
366
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:55,992
I'm thankful for the upbringing
my parents gave me.
367
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:59,704
I'm thankful for all the friends
I've made in Boston.
368
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:03,416
And I'm thankful
that I can do this.
369
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,835
Yo!
370
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,169
Put it away! Whew!
371
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:08,296
Man!
372
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:10,256
Can you guys do this?
373
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,174
Oh, my God!
374
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:15,052
That makes my thing
look kind of stupid.
375
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,014
Look at me wiggle my ears.
Watch this.
376
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,057
Look at these ears flapping.
377
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:21,684
Please, please!
378
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:25,271
We are not here to be thankful
for strange things
379
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,523
we can do with our bodies.
380
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,862
Norman, you're next.
381
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:36,157
I'm thankful there's a turkey
in the kitchen that needs to be checked.
382
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:37,950
Yeah, get the damn thing out here!
383
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:40,703
All right.
384
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:44,290
I guess I need to give you
an indication what I had in mind.
385
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:48,294
I, too, am very thankful for my health
and for my dear friends,
386
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,921
but on this very special occasion,
387
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,381
my mind goes back
over the years
388
00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,884
to the people
who have influenced me.
389
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:58,137
I'd like to name
some for you.
390
00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,597
Teilhard' Dechardin...
391
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:03,017
Georges Sand...
392
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,478
Caravaggio...
393
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,064
Oh, Emily Dickinson...
394
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:09,857
The Buddha...
395
00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,568
Frank Lloyd Wright...
396
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,071
Jeanne D'arc...
397
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:17,156
Shari Lewis and Lambchop...
398
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:23,704
Guys, listen,
I'm having a slight problem
399
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:25,414
with the damn bird.
400
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,583
What color
is it now?
401
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:30,211
I think we're moving into
the earth tones.
402
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:36,092
This better be good news, Norm.
403
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:40,096
Look, I'm sorry, guys.
The little pop thing won't pop out.
404
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,305
Something's wrong with it.
405
00:19:41,472 --> 00:19:42,723
Something's wrong with you.
406
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,725
No, no.
It's the little pop thing.
407
00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:46,185
Could somebody
please explain to me
408
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,562
where the little pop thing is
on the turkey?
409
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,398
'Cause maybe it's
different in the city,
410
00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:51,941
but in the country
where I come from,
411
00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:55,277
turkeys aren't born
with little pop things.
412
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,488
The little pop thing
has a name!
413
00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:58,531
It's called
a thermometer!
414
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,282
Now, can we all please say thermometer?
415
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:02,576
- Thermometer! Thermometer!
- Yeah!
416
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,203
We can say it 'til we're blue in the face.
417
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,081
It's not gonna make it
pop out any faster!
418
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:10,084
I think something's wrong
with your oven, Carla.
419
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:11,752
Hey, my oven was just fine
420
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,046
until you stuffed bird zilla inside!
421
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,216
Come on, you guys.
come on!
422
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:20,886
We don't have to bite
each others' heads off here.
423
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,639
It may be the only thing
we get to eat this day, Sammy.
424
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:28,227
Hey, guys,
this is thanksgiving.
425
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:30,938
And I still say
it's gonna be the greatest.
426
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,941
Who the hell do we
think we're kidding?
427
00:20:34,108 --> 00:20:35,317
We're all a bunch
of pathetic dropouts...
428
00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:37,319
Scorned by our loved ones,
429
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,947
as if anybody ever
loved us at all.
430
00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:41,449
Will you lighten up,
man?
431
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:43,033
The only thing wrong here
is we're hungry.
432
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,535
Now, who else wants to join me
in these...
433
00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:47,872
ice cold potatoes?
434
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:50,750
They'll go great here
with the jell-o soup.
435
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:54,003
I'm dying to try some of the hair
growing on the crudites.
436
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:56,797
Well, pass me my peas.
437
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:59,842
I made them,
so I know they're okay.
438
00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:02,595
Was that remark
directed at me, Carla?
439
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,805
No. It was directed
at your stupid turkey
440
00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:06,348
and your stupid stuffing
441
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:07,892
and your stupid gravy!
442
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,226
What's wrong
with my gravy?
443
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:13,189
Nothing! Except you could walk
across the skin on top of it!
444
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:14,815
I'm sorry, Julia Child.
445
00:21:14,982 --> 00:21:16,192
Here's your perfect peas.
446
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:18,527
Oh, look. I spilled one.
Sorry.
447
00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:22,698
Thank you.
448
00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:27,787
Norm, I'm sorry about what I said
about your gravy.
449
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:30,331
- All right.
- It's okay.
450
00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:32,583
So are the carrots.
451
00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:38,214
Anybody want some of these,
uh...lovely yams?
452
00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:47,848
Woody, would you care
to test the gravy skin?
453
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:52,937
People, people,
people, people!
454
00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:54,605
Stop this immediately!
455
00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:02,905
I have never been witness
456
00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:05,741
to such a silly, Soph--
457
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:17,086
Sam Malone...
458
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:19,797
Kiss your butt good-bye!
459
00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:45,114
See? I knew this
was gonna be the greatest.
460
00:22:45,281 --> 00:22:46,866
Good bird.
461
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,909
Hey, Diane, may I say
462
00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:51,662
You look saucy in cranberry.
463
00:22:53,038 --> 00:22:54,874
Laugh while you can, Sam.
464
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,250
Just remember that revenge
465
00:22:56,417 --> 00:22:59,003
ls a dish best served cold.
466
00:22:59,169 --> 00:23:01,297
You won't know when
and you won't know where,
467
00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:03,299
but I'm going to get you.
468
00:23:04,008 --> 00:23:06,552
Now that we're done with dinner,
I'd like to make a toast
469
00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:08,470
to our loved ones
who weren't fortunate enough
470
00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:10,681
- to be here with us.
- That's a nice thought.
471
00:23:11,599 --> 00:23:14,685
Mom, Dad.
Uncle Fergie.
472
00:23:14,852 --> 00:23:16,770
My kids.
473
00:23:16,937 --> 00:23:18,022
All right, Vera.
474
00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:19,982
- Ma.
- Coach.
475
00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:21,775
- Yeah!
- Hear hear.
476
00:23:21,942 --> 00:23:23,861
Oh, God bless you all.
477
00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:28,574
Well, I think we're about ready
for dessert.
478
00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:29,909
Yeah.
479
00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:31,285
Everybody get eat enough?
480
00:23:31,452 --> 00:23:32,953
I never got a chance to try the potatoes.
481
00:23:34,121 --> 00:23:35,164
Oh, well, here, let me...
482
00:23:35,331 --> 00:23:36,498
Thank you.
483
00:23:39,793 --> 00:23:41,462
Vera, you came.
484
00:23:41,629 --> 00:23:43,088
Honey, I'm so happy.
485
00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:44,632
Hey, you guys.
486
00:23:44,798 --> 00:23:46,091
Come on, Vera, come on
and meet all the guys.
487
00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:48,385
This is great.
We finally get to meet Vera.
488
00:23:49,595 --> 00:23:51,263
Sam... think fast!
489
00:23:56,393 --> 00:23:58,145
Everybody, this is Vera.
490
00:23:59,563 --> 00:24:01,315
Charming friends, Norm.
Get your coat.
491
00:24:01,482 --> 00:24:03,359
Yes, dear.