1
00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:04,421
Cheers <i>is filmed before
a live studio audience.</i>

2
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,344
Don't work too hard there, Diane.

3
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,012
I don't mind.

4
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,974
Our wedding day draws ever near,

5
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:18,685
and all this conditioning
is simply preparation

6
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,479
for that special moment

7
00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:22,689
when you and I exchange rings.

8
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:26,026
My hands must be pristine,

9
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,445
because everyone's eyes
will be on my fingers.

10
00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:31,490
And everyone's fingers
will be down their throats.

11
00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:35,160
Oh, Carla.

12
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,663
Sweet, pathetic Carla.

13
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,916
Can't you see that
I'm in far too good a mood

14
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:44,253
to let your petty asides
bother me?

15
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:49,049
I'm afraid you'll just have
to find some other way of bugging me.

16
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,051
If you insist.

17
00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:12,007
Yes, thank you for telling me.

18
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,676
If you don't hear from me
in an hour, I'll be there.

19
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,720
Okay. Thank you.

20
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:20,390
Sam, may I speak to you
for a minute?

21
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,434
It would be a new record if you do.

22
00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:28,565
That was a Buddhist monastery
called "The Glade."

23
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:32,027
I've been hoping to go on retreat there,
and guess what?

24
00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:34,363
- They have a vacancy.
- Great.

25
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:38,075
I heard all the monks
went to Ft. Lauderdale this year.

26
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,994
No, Sam, it's not a resort.

27
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,622
It's a contemplative retreat

28
00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:46,708
where people go as a means
of purifying their souls.

29
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,002
For two weeks,
you're isolated from others

30
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,338
to commune with yourself.

31
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,715
You're provided with a small room,

32
00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:57,344
you're fed pure, toxin-free foods.

33
00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:00,222
Wait, wait, and...

34
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:04,059
...they have the biggest Buddha
east of the Mississippi.

35
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,688
Boy, he is a bruiser, isn't he?

36
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:12,693
Well, it's not exactly Vegas,
but all right, I'll give it a try.

37
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,611
What should I bring?

38
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:19,825
No, Sam. I'm going alone.

39
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:24,871
Only in my solitude
can I discover who we are.

40
00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:26,957
Wait a minute here.

41
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:29,584
This isn't one of those weird cults
where they mess with your head

42
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:32,129
and you end up handing out flowers
at the airport?

43
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,257
You will be coming back,
won't you?

44
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:39,261
No, I won't be coming back, but I will.

45
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:46,101
I guess I just made up
a little Zen koan, didn't I?

46
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,814
Let me explain.

47
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:54,943
A koan is a paradox
upon which one meditates

48
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:57,320
in order to become more enlightened.

49
00:03:57,487 --> 00:04:01,658
For example, what was your face
before your parents were born?

50
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,660
Easy. A "10."

51
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,747
This is kind of fun. You got any more?

52
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,665
Well, I'm off to The Glade.

53
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,126
It is all right, isn't it?

54
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:14,254
Yeah. What the heck.
Why not? Sure. Go ahead.

55
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:18,800
- Good-bye, my love.
- Bye-bye.

56
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,302
Steal me an ashtray.

57
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,266
Is Diane taking the day off again?

58
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:29,394
- No.
- Good.

59
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:30,896
She's taking two weeks off.

60
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,898
No, Sammy, that's not fair!
Come on!

61
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:36,067
She's always taking off
for one stupid reason or another.

62
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:37,736
Can't we just kill her?

63
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,614
She's my fiancée, Carla.

64
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,824
- Is that a yes?
- No.

65
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,453
Hey, everybody.

66
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,371
Hey, Cliff ie.

67
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:49,706
What's with your leg?

68
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,708
I'd rather not talk about it.

69
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,631
Got bitten by a dog.
Ten stitches to close the wound.

70
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:02,928
I tell you, these unleashed animals
are a menace to postal workers.

71
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:06,139
- You're gonna sue, aren't you?
- I may be wrong, Carla,

72
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,892
but I don't think you can sue
members of the animal kingdom.

73
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:15,816
I'm talking about
the owners, Nelly Bell.

74
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,818
There's no need to sue.

75
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,862
I left a strongly-worded note
in their mailbox.

76
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:23,990
That's too bad, Cliff. I know a lawyer
who'd take it on a contingency basis.

77
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,868
It wouldn't cost you a dime, and you
might end up with a sizable settlement.

78
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,870
If it gets you off my back, all right.

79
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:36,962
Cheers.

80
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,674
Yeah, just a minute, please.

81
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,676
Mr. Clavin, for you.

82
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,095
Take a message.
I'll call 'em back, Woody.

83
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,681
Yeah, can he get back to you?

84
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,267
Yes, ma'am.
She wants to know how your leg is.

85
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:53,937
The mutt's owner tracked me down.

86
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:57,732
Well, tell her that she can deep-six
that phony concern of hers.

87
00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,401
It doesn't cut it with me.

88
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,945
You can deep-six your phony concern.

89
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,363
It doesn't cut it with him.

90
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,868
Tell her my leg
and I will see her in court.

91
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:10,120
His leg and him will see you in court.

92
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:12,873
Okay, I'll tell him.

93
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,126
Your mom wants you
to be home by 6:00 for dinner.

94
00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:21,339
Woody, why didn't you tell me
it was my mother?

95
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:24,134
- I just did.
- No. I mean before.

96
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,678
I didn't know it was her
until I picked up the phone.

97
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:28,179
No, Woody...

98
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,977
When you were talking to her,
why didn't you say it was her?

99
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,478
She already knew that.

100
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,024
I'd leave it alone, Cliff.

101
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:41,026
I think it's one of those
Zen koan things.

102
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:51,328
<i>Buena sera, mi amigos.</i>

103
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,330
Hey, Cliff ie, how's your leg?

104
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,332
Stiffening up there, Sammy.

105
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:59,252
The muscle's all cramped, and I think
the wound's getting a little infected.

106
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,046
And the mental anguish
that goes along with this.

107
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:03,006
You just can't put a price on this.

108
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,051
Well, let me guess here,
you've seen an attorney.

109
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,385
Yep.

110
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:11,514
The guy said 97%
of all these canine attack cases?

111
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,433
Decided in favor of the postman.

112
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,018
Well, good for you, Cliff.

113
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:17,520
You deserve to get
a little satisfaction out of this.

114
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:20,899
- About 200,000 clams worth.
- Two hundred thousand--

115
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,443
Dollars.
Dinner is on Cliff, all right.

116
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:27,030
What do you say, buddy?
I go upstairs, snag us a table,

117
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:29,115
check out the specials.
I'll be right back.

118
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,328
Maybe I can sue somebody
about my broken thumb.

119
00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:35,455
I mean, after all,
I did slip on the ice.

120
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:36,998
Well, maybe so.
Where did it happen?

121
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,834
- Right outside the bar here.
- No. You don't have a case.

122
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,337
Hey, Cliff.

123
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,714
Have you ever thought
that you might be suing

124
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,716
some poor, sweet little old lady?

125
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:49,719
Hey, listen, there, sharpie,
who she is, is irrelevant.

126
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:51,763
It's the letter of the law
that's been violated here.

127
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,890
And I just can't wait
to get her into court

128
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:57,727
and tear her to pieces
with my verbal gymnastics.

129
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,612
I'm looking for a Mr. Cliff Clavin.

130
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:08,613
Yep.

131
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,201
You left this note in my mailbox.

132
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:16,287
I'm afraid it was my dog that bit you.

133
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,129
Excuse me.

134
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:26,881
Cliff ie, what are you trying to say?

135
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,637
Yes, she is very attractive.

136
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:37,892
Mr. Clavin, I'm terribly sorry
about what happened.

137
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,645
How is your leg?

138
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:46,234
Cliff ie, we're in luck.
The special is fillet...

139
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,114
Great. In stereo.

140
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,160
Guys, guys, guys.

141
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:57,412
Sit down, sit down.

142
00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:58,913
Come on, come on.

143
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,834
Can I offer you a drink, Miss...

144
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,586
Keith. Madeline Keith.

145
00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:06,838
White wine would be lovely.
Thank you.

146
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,423
Coming right up.

147
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:13,303
Look. I don't have very much money,

148
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,722
but I'd like to help
with the doctor bills.

149
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:18,183
That's good.

150
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:19,809
That's good.

151
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:24,147
Anything to ease the burden
on you and your family.

152
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,484
You're not married.

153
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:29,235
You're not married.

154
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:33,239
I mean, I'm not married.

155
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,824
But I could be
if I wanted to, right Sam?

156
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,201
Sure.

157
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:40,997
I can't imagine a man like you
living alone.

158
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:42,999
I don't live alone.

159
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:44,918
I live with my mother.

160
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,965
You know, it's not that I have to.
We're related.

161
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,260
Don't get me wrong.
I mean, I like her.

162
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,679
No, I think it's wonderful

163
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,933
that you're taking care of your mother
in her old age.

164
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,646
I couldn't throw her out in the street,
I guess.

165
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,148
I mean, who'd make my lunch?

166
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,573
Mr. Clavin.

167
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,993
You know, it's too bad
we didn't meet

168
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,079
under different circumstances.

169
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,747
We could have been friends.

170
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:24,958
Yeah.

171
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,502
I guess that is too bad.

172
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:28,628
Look.

173
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,173
Here is my number.

174
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:37,303
If you need anything... call me.

175
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:46,312
Maybe it's just me, but I think
that woman's kind of pretty.

176
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:51,109
Really? I... hadn't noticed.

177
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,070
Too busy thinking about the lawsuit?

178
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:55,655
Lawsuit?

179
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:07,667
<i>Jake "The Snake" is
body-slammed to the mat.</i>

180
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,794
<i>He's pinned by Hulk Hogan.</i>

181
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,380
<i>One, two, three... The Hulk wins it.</i>

182
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,633
Man, that Hulk Hogan
is amazing, isn't he?

183
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,594
Woody, the thing is fixed.

184
00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:21,222
Well, that's too bad.
Hulk Hogan can't have children.

185
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,312
It's evolution's loss.

186
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:35,320
- Hey, everybody.
- Cliff ie, who died?

187
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:39,157
The old Cliff Clavin,
that's who, Normie.

188
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,618
- Nice threads.
- Thank you, Sammy.

189
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:44,370
Can I have a little drink there, Woody?

190
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,582
May enough time before Madeline
and I go out to dinner this evening.

191
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,417
Wait a minute.
Are you still seeing each other?

192
00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,127
Every day this week, buddy.

193
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:52,795
Things are getting pretty hot.

194
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:56,216
Sammy, our relationship
is not based merely on the physical.

195
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,092
He isn't getting any.

196
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,598
I better go check up
on our reservations.

197
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,476
Cliff, I hate to bring up
an ugly subject, but--

198
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,853
That's okay, Sam,
we're already in the area.

199
00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:12,398
Are you still planning
to go through with the lawsuit?

200
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:17,779
You know how slowly the
wheels of justice grind there, Samuel.

201
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:23,326
Guess what sap is being suckered
into dropping a lawsuit.

202
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:26,037
Well, not necessarily now, all right.

203
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:27,747
Let's just take a look
at all these facts

204
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,123
as complicated as they may be,

205
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,084
and see if we can
come to a conclusion about this.

206
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,044
Okay, let's start
with this gorgeous woman

207
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:34,837
who is interested in Cliff, all right?

208
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,548
I don't think we have to go any
further than that.

209
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:41,552
Now, just a second.
I don't think we're really being fair.

210
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,930
Now, let's say if an ugly woman
were interested in Cliff,

211
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,473
would any of us be suspicious?

212
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,643
If a living woman were
interested in Cliff I'd be suspicious.

213
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:52,021
I got to go along
with Dr. Crane on this.

214
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,315
I can't believe that someone
would actually lie

215
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,609
just to save a lot of money.

216
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:00,947
Woody, don't help me, okay?

217
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:05,285
Listen, somebody has
got to tell Cliff the truth.

218
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:08,413
I guarantee that he'll never talk
to the person who does.

219
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:11,124
Okay, you talked me into it.

220
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,293
Hey, Hopalong.

221
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,421
Come here. I want to talk to you.

222
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:22,427
I don't know how to tell you this.

223
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,387
Wait a minute, yes, I do.

224
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:25,596
You're an idiot.

225
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:30,059
Everybody in the bar thinks
that babe is playing you for a fool.

226
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:33,021
I mean, the second you drop
your lawsuit, you're history.

227
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,857
- You are a sap.
- I know.

228
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,109
But I'm having the time of my life.

229
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:42,280
You know, how often am I sapped
with a beautiful woman?

230
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,824
I mean, I usually am a sap
with the bowsers.

231
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,494
But when Madeline
and I walk into a restaurant,

232
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,288
all the guys' heads, they turn.

233
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,498
And they're not saying, "Hey...

234
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,000
There's a beautiful woman over there
with a sap."

235
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,336
Yes, they are.

236
00:13:57,754 --> 00:14:00,465
Look, all I know is as long as
we're together,

237
00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:05,303
there's a good chance she may grant me
the ultimate favor.

238
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:06,846
Yeah, right, Clavin.

239
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:09,307
You're threatening to sue her,
not kill her.

240
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:17,482
Madeline...

241
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,444
You look ravishing as ever.

242
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,614
Thank you, Cliff.
I thought you would like it.

243
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:28,159
Like it? if I had better legs,
I'd get one for myself.

244
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,954
Cliff, you're adorable.

245
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,086
We'd better get going.
We have reservations, yeah?

246
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:43,424
Before we go, I think we need
to sit down and have a talk.

247
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,637
Is something wrong?

248
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,598
Actually, yes.

249
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:54,811
What is it, Madeline?

250
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:56,354
Well...

251
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,566
this lawsuit has been
preying on my mind,

252
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,320
and my attorney gave me this.

253
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:08,282
It's a waiver form.

254
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:12,328
It releases me from all liability
for the dog bite.

255
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,917
I guess you want me to sign it?

256
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:20,503
I want you to tear it up.

257
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,965
- I don't understand--
- Please, just tear it up.

258
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,600
When this first began...

259
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:38,146
I thought I could
get you to drop the lawsuit

260
00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:40,148
if I was nice to you.

261
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:44,360
But then the funniest thing happened.

262
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:48,489
I grew to like you... a lot.

263
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:54,370
But I'll understand if you hate me
for what I was going to do.

264
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:59,667
I was playing with your emotions
when you've been so honest with me.

265
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:02,795
I forgive you, Madeline.

266
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:06,424
No, you're a decent guy, Cliff.
Maybe I just better go.

267
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,760
Madeline, wait. Look, I've-- I've...

268
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:13,139
Anything you did
doesn't make a difference to me.

269
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:16,851
You're not just saying that
to make me feel better?

270
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,895
No, I swear it. Scout's honor.

271
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,481
Oh, Cliff.

272
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:29,113
Doesn't it feel good
to clear the air?

273
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,573
Yeah, it does.

274
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:37,747
Look, why don't we
forget about the dinner

275
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:42,543
and rent a room somewhere
and just celebrate our socks off.

276
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:49,342
Really?

277
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:58,893
Well, the Ritz
is just around the corner.

278
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:02,396
Why Cliff, I think
that's a wonderful idea.

279
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,859
Carla, would you be a dear

280
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:11,656
and cancel dinner reservations
for the Sap party?

281
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:18,621
We're going to have
Ritz service at the room.

282
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,671
I meant Ritz service at the room.

283
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,966
Can you believe
I said Ritz service at the room?

284
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:33,761
What I meant was
Ritz service at the room.

285
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,275
Cheers.

286
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,235
Hey, Mr. Clavin, what's new?

287
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:50,778
Sure thing. Hold on.

288
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:52,280
Sam, it's for you.

289
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:55,658
Yeah, Cliff.

290
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:59,912
Okay Sammy.
Sammy, it's about to happen.

291
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:04,250
And you stopped to call me?

292
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:11,549
She's in the john putting on
her best bib and tucker.

293
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,970
Sam, can I make
a small confession?

294
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,638
Sure.

295
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:19,765
I'm scared.

296
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:25,646
Well, Cliff, if it's any consolation,
I've seen her, and I'm scared for you.

297
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,779
Oh, my God.

298
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:37,158
<i>Sam.</i>

299
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:49,879
Slide over, Cliff.

300
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:02,141
No, I meant this way, Cliff.

301
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:05,770
Yes, ma'am.

302
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:13,611
Now...

303
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:16,280
...isn't this wonderful?

304
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,491
Yeah.

305
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:23,704
I wish the guys in the bar
could see this.

306
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,083
Really?

307
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,920
You know, it's just a figure of speech.

308
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:33,881
They just think that we're together

309
00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:36,967
because you want me
to drop the lawsuit.

310
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,932
Well, they couldn't be more wrong.

311
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,643
No, I know.

312
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,770
I know. It's just...

313
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:53,818
I wish I could convince them of that.

314
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,195
I know.

315
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,657
If only that silly lawsuit
were out of the way,

316
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:02,660
I could focus my total attention on you,

317
00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:06,956
taking you to a height of ecstasy
you've never dreamed possible.

318
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:09,750
I could go for that.

319
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,674
I ripped up that release form
in the bar.

320
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:18,718
Well, there--

321
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:20,970
No.

322
00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:25,307
- Unless...
- Unless what?

323
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,393
Unless... no.

324
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,478
No, tell me.

325
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:34,150
Well, I happen to have another copy
of that release form in my purse.

326
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:35,484
What a break!

327
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:38,863
I'm a lucky guy!

328
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:41,323
You got a pen?

329
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:51,333
I feel a terrible burden
lifted off my shoulders.

330
00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:54,503
Yeah. Me, too.

331
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:57,047
What now?

332
00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:01,886
Well, you just lie back.

333
00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:05,014
Yeah?

334
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:08,058
And close your eyes.

335
00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:10,186
Yeah.

336
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,564
And I'll check
my phone messages.

337
00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:16,734
Excuse me?

338
00:21:17,568 --> 00:21:23,240
Well, I get very distracted
when I haven't checked my messages.

339
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:27,703
And you don't want me
to be distracted, do you?

340
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,877
Oh, my God!

341
00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:45,137
And then she hung up the phone
and said,

342
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,473
"Cliff, I don't know
how to tell you this,

343
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,934
but my husband's come back."

344
00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:53,687
I mean, she's married all this time
and never told you?

345
00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:55,606
Yeah, it seems that her husband,

346
00:21:55,773 --> 00:21:57,900
a true and gallant soldier
of these United States,

347
00:21:58,067 --> 00:22:01,445
was lost and presumed dead
during some secret mission

348
00:22:01,612 --> 00:22:03,030
out there in the far east.

349
00:22:05,074 --> 00:22:06,784
As it turns out,
he was only wounded,

350
00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:09,245
although he suffered
years of torture.

351
00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:12,748
Somehow he managed
to dig a tunnel

352
00:22:12,915 --> 00:22:14,625
with a pair of chopsticks...

353
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:19,296
and make his way to a pay phone
and give her a call.

354
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:24,426
Cliff, this is
an unbelievable story.

355
00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:28,430
Yeah, Sammy, it's unbelievable to me,
and I was there.

356
00:22:30,641 --> 00:22:33,060
She barely had time
to blow me a kiss

357
00:22:33,227 --> 00:22:36,856
and wish me a happy life,
and then she was gone,

358
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:38,399
like a dream in the night.

359
00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:40,985
What a maroon.

360
00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:47,533
I guess we were like a pair of lovers
who were never meant to be.

361
00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:50,286
Like Romeo and Juliet.

362
00:22:51,537 --> 00:22:53,080
Rhett and Scarlett.

363
00:22:54,832 --> 00:22:56,584
Heathcliff, Cathy.

364
00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:00,504
Heath, Cliff and Cathy.

365
00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:02,882
Isn't that three people, Mr. Clavin?