1
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,171
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,673
Well, I'm off, Sam.
3
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,511
Sixth row center for the Royal
Shakespeare Company.
4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:14,515
I still have the extra ticket
if you happen to have changed your mind.
5
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:16,225
I just don't like that stuff.
6
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:20,270
All those guys jumping around,
stabbing each other in their leotards.
7
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,064
I--I'm sorry.
8
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,150
Come on. I don't want to go alone.
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I know.
10
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,529
Did I hear right, you're leaving early?
11
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,280
I'm going to a play.
12
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:33,575
Fine. I'll just stay here,
work my butt to the bone
13
00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:36,995
while the boss's fiancé
takes another day off.
14
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Carla, we're not that busy around here.
What are you doing?
15
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:44,503
As a matter of fact, why don't you go
to the play with Diane?
16
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,968
How about it, Carla?
We rarely do things together.
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00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,886
We never do things together.
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It will be fun.
It'll broaden your horizons.
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00:00:58,725 --> 00:00:59,726
What are you saying?
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00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:04,106
I'm gonna get the afternoon off
if I go to the play with Bleachbag?
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00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:06,775
Only if you go to the play
with Bleachbag.
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00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,402
It's a deal.
23
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,070
I'm so excited.
24
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I've been waiting months
for this production to arrive.
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Sounds good.
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- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
27
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I'll bring the pork rinds,
you bring the beer.
28
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We'll make spit wads out of the programs.
29
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Take this. Follow her. Enjoy.
30
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Hey, honey, wait up!
31
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,876
- Greetings, everyone.
- Hey!
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A beer, stout yeoman.
33
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,422
- You're in a good mood, Dr. Crane.
- Why shouldn't I be?
34
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:54,132
Next week marks
the anniversary of the day
35
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,635
- my beloved Lilith and I first met.
- No kidding.
36
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As a show of my affection,
I bought her a Louis Quatorze armoire
37
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,933
at a little antique shop
I saw on the hill today.
38
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Set me back quite a penny.
39
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,647
I think when you're trying to
express your affection for your mate,
40
00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:10,315
old wood says it best.
41
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,234
What do I say?
42
00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,028
I was talking about the armoire.
43
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,032
I never say that.
I don't even know what an armoire is.
44
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,494
It's a large chest.
45
00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:24,955
Well, what woman wouldn't want that?
46
00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,752
So what's Lilith getting you there, doc?
47
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,338
A set of golf clubs,
although she doesn't know it yet.
48
00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:34,589
How can you be so sure?
49
00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,174
I've left a lot of clues
around the house.
50
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,009
You'd have to be an idiot not to know
what I've bought.
51
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,428
What's that, Dr. Crane?
52
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,183
I haven't decided yet.
53
00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,980
So...
54
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,649
Doc, I didn't know you were a fellow
linkster.
55
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:55,193
Some day,
when you feel you're good enough,
56
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,613
I'll take you down
to my private country club
57
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,949
for a little mano a mano.
58
00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,243
Normie, remember when I took you down?
59
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,453
Had a great time.
60
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:07,205
Got three holes in one
and birdied the windmill.
61
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:14,546
Hey, barkeep, I hear you pour
a mean root beer in this saloon.
62
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:15,756
Joyce?
63
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,134
Oh, my God. Joyce!
64
00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:20,469
Hi! Surprised?
65
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,847
Boy, look at you. It's been ages.
66
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:25,557
Yeah.
67
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,976
Hey, everybody, this is
Coach's niece, Joyce Pantusso.
68
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,645
- Hello. Joyce.
- Nice to meet you.
69
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:33,273
Look at you. It's so good to see you!
70
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,318
We couldn't be more thrilled
to have you here.
71
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:37,694
Who are you?
72
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:41,907
Oh, I'm sorry.
Diane Chambers, Sam's fiancé.
73
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,909
I'm sure he must have mentioned me.
74
00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:45,368
No.
75
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,456
Well, must have been an oversight.
76
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,375
Anyway, it's so nice
we finally get to meet.
77
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,461
We've all got goose bumps.
78
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,132
Sit down here.
Let me get you a soda.
79
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,176
I'll get it. Thanks.
80
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,512
Why didn't you tell me
you were coming to Boston?
81
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,889
I wanted to surprise you.
82
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,725
I start college at BU
in the spring quarter.
83
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,143
Oh, my God.
84
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,687
- A Pantusso attending college.
- Yeah.
85
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,898
A Pantusso pronouncing college!
86
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,151
Yeah, my mom and dad are really proud.
87
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,446
I'll bet. Tell me,
so how's everybody at Reedsport?
88
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,657
Well... the family's fine.
89
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:26,201
Would you believe the twins
are starting high school?
90
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,829
- No kidding!
- Who are the twins?
91
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,708
Mom's calligraphy business
is doing well.
92
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:36,545
What about that nutty
wild man dad of yours?
93
00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:37,963
Coach's baby brother--
94
00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,215
You never knew
what he was gonna do next.
95
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:42,384
He threw his back out vacuuming.
96
00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:44,928
What a nut, huh?
97
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,642
You know what--
he asked me to give you something.
98
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,686
Sam, beer distributor's on the phone.
99
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,188
- Tell him I'll call back.
- Sammy--
100
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,482
Where are your priorities? Come on.
101
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:05,949
So where is Reedsport?
102
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,994
In Oregon,
about 50 miles west of Eugene.
103
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,080
- Well, left-coaster, huh?
- Yeah.
104
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:14,875
You know, recent medical studies
105
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:18,461
have shown that time zone transference,
aka jet lag,
106
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:21,339
not only can be very upsetting
to one's metabolism,
107
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:25,719
but also directly correlates
to the loss of hair follicles.
108
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:30,765
- Are you a doctor?
- No. He's a floon.
109
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,313
- Who is that?
- Nobody knows.
110
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:44,321
So, any last-minute
fatherly pearls of wisdom?
111
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,031
Read for yourself.
112
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:50,744
"Dear Sam, would you mind
keeping an eye on my Joyce?
113
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,704
Coach always trusted you.
114
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:56,082
She's my little girl,
and she's all alone in the big city.
115
00:06:56,249 --> 00:07:00,170
If anything happened to her,
I'd go into the shed
116
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:03,465
and blow my brains out.
Phyllis says hi."
117
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:06,843
That's a nice letter.
118
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:15,101
Well, that certainly
puts the pressure on me.
119
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,020
You?
120
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:18,897
Yes.
121
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:23,026
What do you know about taking care
of an 18-year-old in the city of Boston?
122
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,737
A young girl away from home
needs a big sister.
123
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:28,114
Listen, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,
124
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but she's my responsibility.
125
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,160
I'm perfectly capable of handling it.
126
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:36,164
Kids are a lot different
than when we were young.
127
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,707
I mean, today, they're smart.
128
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:41,252
You've got to give them a lot of room
to make their own mistakes.
129
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:42,921
I hear you're from out of town?
130
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:45,465
Hey, what are you doing there?
131
00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:48,635
I'm just making some polite
conversation.
132
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,011
Buddy, this is a bar.
133
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,889
If you want to make polite conversation,
you take it outside.
134
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Whatever you say.
135
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:59,479
Sam, that wasn't necessary.
I'm not a little girl.
136
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:03,525
Forget it. Come on, get up here
and sit up on my bar here and tell me...
137
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,777
You all checked in at the college?
138
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:09,239
Well, not really.
My dorm is having plumbing troubles,
139
00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:12,283
and I have no place to stay.
140
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:15,078
Well, that's not a problem.
You can stay with me.
141
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:16,830
I just have to pick up a few things--
142
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,873
Bottle of juice, a loaf of bread--
143
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,917
A door for the bathroom.
144
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,047
My God, yeah.
145
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:29,467
Joyce, the only logical place
for you to stay is with me.
146
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:33,263
Coach was like a father to me.
147
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,223
Well, I mean, if it's no problem--
148
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:39,519
None at all. We'll have fun.
It'll be one long slumber party.
149
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:43,398
Goody. Can I come over and bring
my Frankie Avalon records?
150
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:48,278
I have dibs on cutting off her hair
when she goes to sleep.
151
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:53,616
And if we can get our hands on a laser,
we'll try cutting Carla's.
152
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:58,329
Listen, it'll be a little while
before I can get off.
153
00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:01,332
You know what?
Since this is your first day in Boston,
154
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:03,126
I bet you'd love
to see some of the sights.
155
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:04,919
- Well, yes, I would.
- Good.
156
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:08,923
Yeah, that's a great idea,
but I can't get out of the bar today.
157
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,925
She can come on my route
with me if you want.
158
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,260
No, no.
159
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,930
Sam, no problem.
160
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:19,851
We'll just find someone else
to show her the sights.
161
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,227
All right.
162
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,105
Someone who is enthusiastic.
163
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,274
Someone who's nonthreatening.
164
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:29,611
That's good.
That's good. Somebody trustworthy.
165
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:31,821
- Somebody innocent.
- Right.
166
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:35,325
Hey, Sam, you remember that little bird
whose wing I mended?
167
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:38,620
Well, this morning I was--
168
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,998
Do you mind?
I'm trying to think here.
169
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,000
Sam.
170
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,756
Yeah. Right.
Hey, do you mind? I'll handle this.
171
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,217
Woody, come here a second, will you?
172
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:55,136
I've been thinking
long and hard about this.
173
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:57,597
Look, there's somebody
I want you to meet here.
174
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,058
Come here. Joyce, Woody.
175
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,310
- Hi.
- What a coincidence.
176
00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,145
My first name is Woody.
177
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,402
How would you like
to take the rest of the day off
178
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,279
and show Joyce around the town?
179
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,240
Well, gee, I'd love to.
180
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:18,451
- Well, good. Take off. Go on.
- Okay. Great.
181
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:22,038
Can we see Old Ironsides first?
182
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,708
Well, I don't know
if Raymond Burr lives in Boston.
183
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:35,802
Well, I'm off.
184
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:39,013
Fore!
185
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,224
You get those clubs, yet, Frase?
186
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:42,976
No, but it's just a matter of time.
187
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,187
See, I placed brochures strategically
about the house for Lilith to notice.
188
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:49,107
One nestled under her pillow,
one by the wine rack--
189
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,775
One next to the whip locker.
190
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,492
Sammy, is Woody out with Joyce again?
191
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,870
Yeah. That makes every day this week.
192
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:04,831
- They're so cute together.
- You know where he's taking her now?
193
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,917
They're going out for ice cream,
then they're going roller-skating.
194
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:09,502
Those kiddlies.
195
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,838
Doesn't that just remind you
of your youth?
196
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,340
Not one damn bit.
That's why I feel good about it.
197
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:18,219
I just think it was a stroke of genius
198
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,930
that I had Woody squire Joyce
around town.
199
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,474
I mean, she's safe,
and I have my peace of mind.
200
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:27,478
Personally I'm worried about Joyce.
She's seeing an awful lot of Woody.
201
00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:29,606
So what?
202
00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,608
You know what time
she got in last night?
203
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,109
2:30.
204
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:36,237
Who knows what they were up to.
205
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,740
Come on, we're talking about Woody.
206
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:42,619
I mean, the guy's a walking
Disney character without the fur.
207
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,540
- I think you should talk to them.
- There's nothing to talk about.
208
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,125
Hey, I'll talk to her.
209
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:50,460
- No, you won't.
- Why not?
210
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,295
Because you don't know what the hell
you're talking about.
211
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:57,383
All right, fine. I don't know
what the hell I'm talking about.
212
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,302
And that's the last you'll hear from me.
213
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:00,511
Thank you.
214
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:05,016
Hey, so there you are.
What kind of ice cream did you get?
215
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:08,019
- Tutti-frutti.
- Tutti-frutti. Did you hear that?
216
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:12,023
You better be careful because
that can lead to the hard stuff--
217
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:13,274
Double chocolate.
218
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:19,239
So... is he treating you well?
219
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,449
Yeah. Yeah, he sure is.
220
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:24,369
I think he's the sweetest person
I've ever met.
221
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:25,536
Me, too.
222
00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:29,832
You know, Sam, I'm having
the best time I've ever had in my life.
223
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,252
And I have you to thank for it.
224
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:36,339
Well, if you're happy, we're happy.
225
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:39,384
If that makes you happy, you're gonna
do cartwheels when you hear this.
226
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:42,762
Joyce and I are engaged.
227
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:56,901
Hey, Sam.
228
00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,362
Are you okay?
229
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:01,489
Yeah. Why?
230
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,617
You're filling your shoes with beer.
231
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:10,581
Will this be enough for you?
232
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,627
Could you two sit down
over at the table, there, please?
233
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,046
- I'll be right with you.
- Sam--
234
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:21,009
I'll handle this. Just butt out.
235
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:25,513
Well.
236
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,641
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
237
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:29,976
So...
238
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:32,520
You're engaged.
239
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:35,481
Yeah, yeah. And we wanted you
to be the first one to know about it
240
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,775
since you're the one
who put us together.
241
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,694
Well, thank you.
242
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,947
Why are you doing this to me?
243
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,951
Sam, we thought
this would make you happy.
244
00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,037
Well, I am, in a...
245
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:52,498
...sad and disappointed way.
246
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,377
Listen, I know it sounds crazy.
247
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:59,672
We've only known each other a few days,
but it seems like...
248
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,050
...several.
249
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:08,181
Listen. Listen, you guys. Listen.
250
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:11,768
I was in your shoes once.
I mean, I was young.
251
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:15,521
I had a whirlwind romance,
and I got married,
252
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,399
and it turned out to be a disaster.
253
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,651
I don't want this to happen to you now.
254
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:22,612
I mean, look at Diane and me.
255
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,073
We waited five years to get married.
256
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:28,034
If it were up to me,
we'd wait another five.
257
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,245
I'm trying to make a point. Do you mind?
258
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,956
The point is, that you gotta--
259
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,376
You gotta get to know each other better
260
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,669
if you're gonna
take a big step like this.
261
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:41,672
You got to get past
this early infatuation
262
00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:43,925
and get to the point where
you're sick and tired of each other.
263
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:45,593
Then you're ready for marriage.
264
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:50,515
Sam, we're never gonna be
sick of each other.
265
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:54,727
You know, there are hundreds
of good, solid reasons
266
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,687
why you two should not get married.
267
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,523
Like?
268
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:00,483
Like...
269
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,028
Like I forbid you to, young lady.
270
00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:09,450
Wait, you can't forbid me.
You're not my father.
271
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,411
All right. All right.
272
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,621
Woody, I forbid you to marry Joyce.
273
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,581
Sam, you're only my boss.
274
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:19,168
Damn it, I'm gonna forbid somebody
something, I'll tell ya!
275
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,380
Norm, I forbid you to leave that stool!
276
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:25,049
Sorry, Sam. Nature calls.
277
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:28,261
You go, and you're cut off.
278
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,846
Whatever you say, pop.
279
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:36,686
Let's get down to brass tacks, here.
How much do you want?
280
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,021
Okay, I'm not a rich guy,
but I'm comfortable.
281
00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:41,941
So let's stop jerking old Sammy around
and name your price.
282
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:45,027
Come on.
283
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,613
We don't want anything.
We just want to be together.
284
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,825
Don't do that.
Get into my office, will ya?
285
00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,452
Come on, both of you.
286
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,871
I've tried to talk to you
on an emotional level,
287
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:57,498
a logical level, and an economic level.
288
00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:00,877
Now we're just gonna have to raise this
whole discussion up to a higher plane.
289
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,922
Have pity on me.
290
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:07,717
Please don't do this to me. Please!
291
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,719
I haven't had an easy life.
292
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,596
This is gonna hurt me,
and I don't want to be hurt.
293
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,055
I mean, I don't like pain.
294
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:15,224
And think about your parents.
They hate pain, too,
295
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,560
not as much as me but pretty much.
296
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,771
This news will kill them, you guys!
It'll kill me, too.
297
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:23,691
Please don't.
Please don't do this to me!
298
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,318
Don't make me beg.
299
00:16:29,864 --> 00:16:32,283
Gee, Sam, you feel
pretty strongly about this?
300
00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:36,120
Yeah. Yeah.
301
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:37,413
Maybe he's right, Woody.
302
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,874
Maybe we could
get to know each other better.
303
00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:42,210
- Really?
- Couldn't hurt.
304
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:47,632
Bless you. Bless you kids.
You're the greatest.
305
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,343
Thanks, Wood.
306
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,146
They bought it.
307
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,444
- See you later, Sam.
- Yeah.
308
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,821
Listen, you know, what you said in there
made a lot of sense.
309
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:13,783
I think you may have stopped us
from making a pretty big mistake.
310
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:16,410
- Yes, thank you.
- Yeah. My pleasure.
311
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:23,376
Well, what else can I do around here
that I'm great at?
312
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,756
Nauseate us.
313
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,634
Maybe some other time.
314
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:42,103
Hey, Frase, thought you'd be
out on the links by now.
315
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:45,022
It'd be exceedingly difficult
to tee off with this.
316
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,568
What's that, Frase?
317
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,820
This is my extra-special gift
from Lilith.
318
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,030
It's a tie.
319
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,116
Yes. And I hate it. It's ugly.
320
00:17:57,952 --> 00:18:00,621
It's just a tie,
an ordinary gray tie.
321
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,081
I wanted golf clubs.
It's not special.
322
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,000
I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!
323
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:10,673
Glad she didn't give him a puppy.
324
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:20,266
Come on.
We're not even married yet.
325
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,101
Oh, Sam.
326
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,895
Never too early to start thinking
about names for our children.
327
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:28,399
It is if you're thinking about
the name Emile.
328
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,361
What's wrong with Emile?
329
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,865
Emile is something you eat,
it's not something you name your kid.
330
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:40,870
Why don't you just name him Socrates,
after me?
331
00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:47,084
You two kids still basking
in the glow of my wisdom?
332
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:48,669
We sure are.
333
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:51,672
We thought about what you said
and we decided it was the best advice
334
00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,841
anyone had ever given us in our lives.
335
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:55,092
You hear that, Diane?
336
00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:58,638
So we decided to call off the wedding
and move in together.
337
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,561
You hear that, Socrates?
338
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,526
Would you two kids go into my office
and wait a sec?
339
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,153
Sure, Sam.
340
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,446
Thank you.
341
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,325
You know something?
342
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,744
I could handle this, too,
if I wanted to,
343
00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:25,539
but I think I'm gonna be
a good sport about this
344
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:28,376
and let you take a crack at it.
345
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:32,088
So what you're saying is
you screwed up miserably,
346
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:34,632
and now you want me to bail you out.
347
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,551
No, of course not. Absolutely not.
348
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:39,470
Well, yes. Yes.
349
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,264
Well, Sam, you don't deserve it,
350
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,184
but I'll give it a shot.
351
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:50,856
Stand aside Sam, you're about to see
26 Units of psychology fly into action.
352
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:54,151
So you're going to live together.
353
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,237
Why? Talk to me.
354
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:59,532
Sam said we should
get to know each other better
355
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,283
before we got married.
356
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,411
We thought this might be the best way.
357
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,957
But I think you've forgotten something--
358
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:11,585
The reason Joyce came
to Boston in the first place?
359
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,005
College.
360
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:20,386
That was my mom's idea.
I decided I'm not going to college.
361
00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:27,017
Not go-- not going to college?
362
00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:28,352
No.
363
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:31,897
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
364
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:34,567
Oh, listen to me.
365
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,902
You have your whole life ahead of you.
366
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,362
You can't throw it away like this.
367
00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:41,449
If you don't go to college,
you can't earn a living.
368
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:43,993
Without a job, what will you do
369
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,495
when he leaves you
with a litter of kids...
370
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:51,459
...and you have to sell them,
one after another,
371
00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:55,463
just to put food
on your pathetic little table?
372
00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:59,425
And in the end,
you'll be left with nothing,
373
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:03,137
nothing but worn-out hips
and sagging breasts.
374
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:08,017
Is that really what you want?
375
00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:11,687
I can't speak for Joyce,
but I could do without that.
376
00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:26,660
So tell me
that you'll give up this insane idea
377
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:31,040
of shacking up together
and concentrate on your college career.
378
00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:37,922
Well, I guess I could move into the dorm
and try a couple classes.
379
00:21:38,088 --> 00:21:38,964
Yes.
380
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:42,009
We could still date, see each other,
couldn't we?
381
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:44,595
Sure, sure. Dating's good.
382
00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:46,347
Dating's fine. Yeah.
383
00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:48,724
I like that idea.
384
00:21:48,891 --> 00:21:50,976
- Well, thanks, Miss Chambers.
- Okay.
385
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,770
Yes, thank you.
386
00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:54,230
Thank you.
387
00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:05,115
- How'd it go?
- Well...
388
00:22:05,282 --> 00:22:09,870
Suffice it to say,
the Chambers expertise worked its magic.
389
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:11,956
You begged, huh?
390
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,125
How do you know?
391
00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:17,044
Your nylons are all baggy there.
392
00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:22,299
How about you?
393
00:22:22,466 --> 00:22:23,551
I don't wear nylons.
394
00:22:25,219 --> 00:22:28,055
I mean, how did you talk them
out of getting married?
395
00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:30,850
Me?
396
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:33,519
I begged like a dog for a bone.
397
00:22:35,229 --> 00:22:36,480
Sam.
398
00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:42,027
Well, how can we avoid having this
problem with our own children?
399
00:22:43,654 --> 00:22:45,573
Never have sex again.
400
00:22:54,331 --> 00:22:57,459
- I think it's worth it.
- Me, too.
401
00:23:00,254 --> 00:23:01,505
Absolutely.
402
00:23:01,672 --> 00:23:02,882
It's worth it.
403
00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:04,383
Absolutely.
404
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,808
Well, maybe... maybe just...