1 00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,463 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:07,925 Guinness Stout and a gin and tonic. 3 00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:09,468 Something the matter, Carla? 4 00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:12,888 Yeah, something's the matter. My life's the pits. 5 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:16,433 Seems like good things happen to everybody except me, you know? 6 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,560 Norm has a new job. 7 00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:22,439 Frasier actually seems happy since he met his creepy girlfriend. 8 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:26,902 And Sam has given up women and decided to marry Diane. 9 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,780 What have I got? Zip. 10 00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:33,075 Woody, I mean, how do you keep such a sunny disposition 11 00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:36,286 in this rotten, stink-infested world? 12 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:40,624 You mean what do I do when I see Mr. Blues peeking around the corner? 13 00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:42,960 Oh, my God. 14 00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:46,046 You even have a cute name for depression. 15 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:50,384 Well, I just close my eyes, and I think a happy thought. 16 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,052 Here. I'll show you. 17 00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,480 What was your thought? 18 00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,148 I'm glad I'm not you. 19 00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,144 Hey, Mr. Peterson, 20 00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,521 I'm working on this month's issue of the Cheers newsletter, 21 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:29,733 and I wondered what's new... with you? 22 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,278 - Nothing, really, Woody. - Well, are you sure? 23 00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:36,239 I don't know. Check last month. What was I up to then? 24 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,534 Let's see, Norm Peterson-- 25 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:40,911 "Nothing." 26 00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:44,581 Well, I guess it's not new, then. 27 00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:48,960 - How about you, Dr. Crane? - What's new in my life? 28 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,546 Well, it not easily put into words, Wood. 29 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,924 Perhaps it has something to do with my relationship with Lilith. 30 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:57,719 And perhaps it's just a maturity that comes with age. 31 00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:02,140 All I know is that... I feel I finally know who I am, 32 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,142 and I'm happy with that person. 33 00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,895 - Does that answer your question? - Sure does. 34 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,272 "Dr. Crane: Nothing." 35 00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:16,238 Sam, great news! I found a house! 36 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,616 Turn it in. Maybe you'll get a reward. 37 00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:23,203 No, you goose. I found our house. 38 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,872 I was driving to work today, and as luck would have it, 39 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,708 there was an eight-car smashup. 40 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:32,379 That didn't come out right. 41 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,048 What I meant was I was forced to take an alternate route 42 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,510 and it sent me right past the perfect house. 43 00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,637 Sam, you should see it. 44 00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:43,181 Three bedrooms, two and a half baths, 45 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:46,476 a formal dining room, a huge fireplace in the living room-- 46 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,937 Excuse me for interrupting, but we're not looking for a house. 47 00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,814 I know. I already found it. 48 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:55,819 No, I mean that we agreed to live in my apartment for a year first. 49 00:03:57,529 --> 00:04:00,282 Well, yes, that was the original plan. 50 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:03,452 But that was before I saw hardwood floors, 51 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:07,289 bay windows, crown moldings-- 52 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,124 So what's wrong with my apartment? 53 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:15,172 Well, granted, this house doesn't have your view of the Exotic Dancing Academy. 54 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:21,052 But I think you could learn to live in the shade of a stately elm. 55 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,556 I hate to be a buttinsky here... 56 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,685 ...but this is the absolute worst time to buy a house. 57 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,645 - Why's that? - Seller's market. 58 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:33,356 Unless you run into that rare breed, you know, the motivated seller. 59 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:38,487 For a price, I can put you in a sweet little three-bed, two-bath number. 60 00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,655 It's got fish netting over the patio 61 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:44,701 and a handmade lava-rock fire pit in the back. 62 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,953 Cliff ie, that sounds a little bit like your house. 63 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,789 It is my house. 64 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:52,209 Wait. You said your mother was going to live there until the day she died. 65 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:55,253 Well, she's clean, and she doesn't eat much. 66 00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,841 Sam, please, just come with me and take a look at it. 67 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,885 I'm not ready to own a home. 68 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,095 You got to work up to that. 69 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,306 Sammy's right. It's a big responsibility. 70 00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:07,808 You've got lawns to mow, 71 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:10,352 you got plumbing to fix, you got gutters to clean. 72 00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,020 And every couple of years, 73 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:13,605 you got to paint the entire thing from top to bottom. 74 00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:16,191 Honestly, I don't know where Vera gets the energy. 75 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,654 Norm, you should be ashamed of yourself. 76 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,697 Yeah, I guess I should, shouldn't I? 77 00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,616 Well, thank God I'm not, huh? 78 00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:28,203 Well, Sam and I will split the chores in our house. 79 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,038 Would you just slow down. We're not buying a house. 80 00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:32,916 - I mean it. - Sam, don't be so hasty. 81 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:35,752 This could be the house for you. Does it have a basement? 82 00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,963 83 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,924 You can convert it into a dungeon to keep Diane in. 84 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,802 Then when you're done torturing her, 85 00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,054 you can bury the body under the cement floor, 86 00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:48,306 and cover it with a ping-pong table. 87 00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,101 Well, maybe. I don't know. 88 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,437 - Sam! - "Maybe" you, not her. 89 00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,650 Will you stop stalling and come with me, please? 90 00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,360 Give me one good reason why I should. 91 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,404 Because we own it. 92 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,199 That's a pretty good reason, Sam. 93 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:11,288 You bought a house without asking me? 94 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:14,708 Well, I didn't exactly buy it. 95 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:18,587 I put down the teeniest of refundable deposits. 96 00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:19,921 I don't believe this. 97 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,840 Now, Sam, there was another couple there, 98 00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,592 and they were all ready to make a bid on it. 99 00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:24,801 I had to move quickly. 100 00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:27,762 Talking about moving quickly, you get into my office right now, 101 00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:29,806 and you call them and tell them I want my deposit back. 102 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,224 Okay, Sam, whatever you say. 103 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,727 But first I want to call the decorator about ordering the drapes. 104 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,104 Well, make it quick. 105 00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:38,773 Well, I guess it's time we started thinking about a housewarming gift. 106 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,400 That's pathetic. 107 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,612 You'd never catch a woman of mine leading me around by the nose. 108 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,573 No, but you might catch her sunning herself on a rock. 109 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,175 It's ours. 110 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,637 It's finally ours. I can't believe it. 111 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,221 Neither can I. 112 00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:15,143 You know, every time I come here, I like this place more and more. 113 00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:19,356 Thank God you talked me into this. 114 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,652 You don't think we spent too much money on it? 115 00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:24,736 Absolutely. 116 00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:27,656 What the hell. It's a great house. 117 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,366 Yeah. And it's ours! 118 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:30,450 Well, not quite yet. 119 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:34,579 You know, I never feel at home until I hang this old baby up. 120 00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,581 Oh, God, Sam. 121 00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:37,832 What? 122 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,168 Not where people can see it! 123 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:43,171 I've never understood your attitude about this painting. 124 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:44,965 I mean, it's a classic-- 125 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,717 Dogs playing blackjack. 126 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:59,145 I can never look at this without cracking up. 127 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,775 Well, that's the purpose of great art. 128 00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:06,277 You know, I think you're missing the subtle humor here. 129 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,279 See, this guy right here? He's cheating. 130 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:14,786 Sam, I can hardly wait until I'm in the kitchen, 131 00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:17,622 potholders in hand, cooking a nice big roast, 132 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:20,250 calling out to you, "Dinner's ready, honey." 133 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:22,335 I'll be right there. I'm in the workshop. 134 00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:27,716 - The workshop? - Yeah. Yeah. My dad always had one. 135 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:30,635 I used to go down there all the time. 136 00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:33,179 I used to love the smell of sawdust. 137 00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,390 Wonder where I can buy some of that. 138 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:41,146 Sam, I've wonderful plans for every room in the entire house. 139 00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:43,106 That's funny. So do I. 140 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,067 Why not start right here in the living room? 141 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,903 These floors look like they could use a little polishing. 142 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,572 Oh, Sam! Sam! 143 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,867 We really have to leave now, my dear. 144 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,618 Yes, I guess you're right. 145 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,704 Hello. Hello. 146 00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,124 You must be the new owners. 147 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:04,878 Yeah. I'm Sam Malone. How do you do? 148 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,547 This is my fiancée Diane Chambers. 149 00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,049 Bert and Lillian Miller. 150 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:12,010 - Pleased to meet you. - It's a pleasure. 151 00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:14,054 The house is beautiful. 152 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,638 Yes. Yes. 153 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:18,224 Of course, we know we're supposed to be out of here by now, 154 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,978 but, well, we forgot a few odds and ends. 155 00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:25,732 And, well, we just wanted to take a last look. 156 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,444 Well, you know, when you've lived in a house for 40 years, 157 00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:33,114 taking that last step out the doorway-- it's pretty hard. 158 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,616 Of course. 159 00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:38,495 I confess, I touched liquor this morning. 160 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:45,001 That's all right, my dove. 161 00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:47,921 But you look like a fine couple. 162 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,298 I'm glad the house is going to you. 163 00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:53,718 Yeah. We plan to do great things in it-- with it. 164 00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:57,972 So many memories, like when Mikey 165 00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,683 climbed up the bookshelves and hit his head on the mantle. 166 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:04,062 You remember? We were all so worried. 167 00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:08,483 And that's where little Janie rehearsed her dance for the school play. 168 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:11,444 You know, I studied ballet as a child. 169 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,071 So I became quite experienced-- 170 00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:17,951 Bertie, Junior took his first steps on this very spot right here. 171 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,246 And that's where we always put our Christmas tree. 172 00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:24,958 - Every year. - Forty Christmases. 173 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,626 Thirty-nine. 174 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:30,672 Well, we didn't quite make it to Christmas this year. 175 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:31,798 Sure. 176 00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:37,428 You know, I think we'll miss the Christmases most of all. 177 00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:38,680 I know, Bert. 178 00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:42,308 The children and the grandchildren. 179 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,352 Never mind. 180 00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:47,605 There, there, now. Out with the old... 181 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,190 And in with the new. 182 00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:54,070 And we're just gonna get out of your way so that you two can share your lives. 183 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,781 Well, good luck to you. Can I help you with those boxes? 184 00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:59,367 We're just going as far as the bus stop. 185 00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:00,618 Okay. Okay. 186 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,204 - Have a nice day. - Thank you. 187 00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,415 - Good-bye. - Good-bye. 188 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,252 Good-bye, house. 189 00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:13,131 - Bye-bye. - Bye-bye, now. 190 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,884 Gee, what a sweet couple. 191 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:19,929 Let's see. Where were we? Yes, yes. I think we were... 192 00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,598 talking about polishing the floor. 193 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:24,309 You want to wax, or shall we buff? 194 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:29,480 I cannot live a single day in this house! 195 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,234 Oh, God. 196 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,245 Come on. Come on. It's all right. 197 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:49,292 I mean it, Sam. I could never live here. 198 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,294 Don't say that. Don't say that. 199 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,338 Listen. Hey, I got a surprise for you. 200 00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:55,632 Look, I took the picture down. 201 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,384 Sam, it has nothing to do with the picture, 202 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,136 although I do appreciate that. 203 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:04,766 This place belongs to Bert and Lillian. 204 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:07,810 It's alive with their memories. 205 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:11,189 Poor Mikey. Now, that must have smarted. 206 00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:14,609 Come on, come on. We love this house. 207 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:18,947 I know how you feel right now, but wait till we make some changes here. 208 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:22,075 Look, we can knock out this wall right here 209 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,618 and make the whole room different. 210 00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:26,746 What the hell. Look at that. They got writing all over this wall. 211 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:30,917 Oh, look. Mikey at one year, 30 inches. 212 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:35,338 Bert Junior at two years, 36 inches. 213 00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:38,466 How can you possibly think of tearing this down? 214 00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:42,303 Can't you see this is a record of their lives? 215 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:45,765 All I can see here is that little Janie here was a moose. 216 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,272 How would you like that coming at you in a tutu? 217 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,860 You have the sensitivity of a dung beetle. 218 00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,862 I'm just trying to lighten the mood up. 219 00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,490 Well, I'm in not in the mood for fun and games. 220 00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:05,535 - Well-- - Happy housewarming! 221 00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,496 No. Don't. 222 00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:10,873 This isn't our house. We don't belong in it. 223 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:14,168 I'll never live here. Not one day, not one minute. 224 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,837 Please leave. Please. 225 00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:23,261 You know, Sammy, a couple of years ago, 226 00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:26,848 this might have taken me by surprise, but now I just kind of roll with it. 227 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,643 This is great! 228 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,105 I got the one where they're on the train. 229 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,567 Not now, Woody. 230 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:41,195 Look at that. 231 00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:43,906 I never noticed that. The bloodhound's doubling down. 232 00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,325 Look at that. 233 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,123 I'm sorry about this, you guys. 234 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:53,833 It's a bad time. 235 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,169 Wait till the honeymoon! 236 00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,677 We're trespassers here, Sam. 237 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:08,473 The love and warmth that fill these walls didn't come from us. 238 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:11,059 We can change the wallpaper, we can paint, 239 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:14,687 we can put up new curtains, but the soul of this house 240 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,857 will still be those two sweet old people. 241 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,735 I'd be afraid to wash the dishes for fear I'd turn the faucet on, 242 00:14:20,902 --> 00:14:24,197 and instead of water coming out, it would be Lillian's tears. 243 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,907 Oh, brother. 244 00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:30,161 I'll put a purifier in. 245 00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:35,833 All houses have ghosts, 246 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,836 memories of people who lived there before. 247 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:42,090 The only way you can get rid of them is to start making your own memories. 248 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:46,594 And the only way we can do that is if we move in here and start living here. 249 00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,808 Maybe you're right, Sam. 250 00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:55,561 I guess I've been overreacting. 251 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,480 Well, that's okay. 252 00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:00,608 What do you say we carry on this conversation naked? 253 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:06,948 Do you think I could ever make love in this house? 254 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:14,539 Afternoon, everybody. 255 00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:15,832 Norm! 256 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,583 Hey, Mr. Peterson. How's life? 257 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,878 The plot's okay, Woody, but it kind of falls apart at the end. 258 00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:23,423 Where's Sammy and Diane? 259 00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:27,343 They're in the office trying to unload "The Nightmare on Diane Street." 260 00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:30,805 Well, they'll just have to miss my big news. 261 00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:33,391 Woody, I want you to stop the presses on that newsletter. 262 00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:36,269 You'll never guess who I saw in front of my office today. 263 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,520 Robert Urich. 264 00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:40,565 I want to tell you, he's just as nice a guy 265 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,359 driving past at 50 miles an hour as he looks on that TV screen. 266 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,071 Hey, Woody. Another round quick. 267 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,489 - How's it going in there? - Great. 268 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:51,284 The couple in there are crazier about the house than we were. 269 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,910 I have to admit, I was a little ticked off 270 00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,620 when Diane said she wanted to sell the house. 271 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,248 But as it turns out, I think we're gonna make-- 272 00:15:57,415 --> 00:16:00,418 That's good, Woody-- make a nice little profit here. 273 00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:03,212 Are you sure I can't change your mind? 274 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:06,340 I'm sorry. That's my final decision. 275 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:16,142 You know, I'm getting on in years, 276 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:19,020 and my hearing may not be what it used to be, 277 00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,355 but did you just queer this whole deal? 278 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,858 - I had to turn them down. - Why? 279 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:26,360 Sam, those people were bereft of soul. 280 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:29,071 They had no intention of embracing that house. 281 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,365 Their only desire was to live there. 282 00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:36,329 They wanted to live in the house they just bought? 283 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,040 My God! They must have been raised by wolves! 284 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:44,212 They weren't the right kind of people to live in Bert and Lillian's house. 285 00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,923 You know, look, that's it. That's it. You know, I-- 286 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,758 We've always done things your way. 287 00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:50,760 I have bent over backwards to make you happy. 288 00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:53,304 I bought the ring you wanted. The china you wanted. 289 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,680 The crystal you wanted. 290 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,807 I even agreed to have a duvet cover on my bed, 291 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,936 and I don't know what a duvet is or what it's supposed to cover! 292 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,314 When are we gonna do something that I want to do? 293 00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:07,777 May I remind you that we're going to Disneyworld for our honeymoon? 294 00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:11,155 Big deal. Who isn't? 295 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:16,077 Sam, every time I look at that place, 296 00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:19,664 I can't help but think about that poor old couple, 297 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,874 shambling away from their house, 298 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:26,796 wishing they could spend one last Christmas there with their family. 299 00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,881 Well, then why not just give them one last Christmas there 300 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,466 if that's what they want? 301 00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,260 But rid yourself of the guilt you feel 302 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:34,762 by robbing them of the last few happy memories left them. 303 00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:37,473 That's the screwiest idea I've ever heard. 304 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,392 No, Sam. He's right. 305 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,520 We'll call the Millers and all their children, 306 00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,397 and we'll plan a Christmas party! 307 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:47,608 Sam, it'll make the transition easier for them and for me. 308 00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:49,110 What are we supposed to do until December? 309 00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:50,736 Bunk out with Ma Clavin? 310 00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:52,947 No, I mean we'll do it now. 311 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:56,033 This year, Christmas comes next week. 312 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:57,827 It'll be fun. 313 00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,580 Gee, I hate it when they change holidays around 314 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,790 just to make a three-day weekend. 315 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:13,301 Who's ready for some delicious hot apple cider? 316 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:14,969 Can I have mine with ice? 317 00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:17,638 It's 80 degrees outside. 318 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,307 Where's your Christmas spirit, Naomi? 319 00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:20,975 It melted. 320 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,061 There's another present for you. 321 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:25,855 Isn't that right, Santa? 322 00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:28,441 I'm looking. I'm looking. I'm looking. 323 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,359 Here it is. Here it is. 324 00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,528 There you go, kid. There you are. 325 00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:34,780 Oh, boy! 326 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,115 What do you say, Naomi? 327 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,868 - Thank you, Santa. - And what do you say, Santa? 328 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:42,163 Mrs. Claus is gonna pay for this. Come here. 329 00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:45,708 How much longer do we have to do this? 330 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,710 The children are loving it. 331 00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:50,171 Can I at least take this beard off? 332 00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,548 No, no, no, no. 333 00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:55,259 You don't want to spoil their illusions. 334 00:18:55,426 --> 00:18:58,679 Don't you think the fact that Santa's here in mid-May sweating bullets 335 00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,931 is making them a little suspicious already? 336 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,517 Yes, Santa, what a great idea. 337 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:06,520 Why don't you lead us all in some Christmas carols? 338 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,316 Maybe somebody else ought to do that. 339 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:13,694 Santa's got a little summer cold going here. 340 00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:16,197 David is the musician of the family. 341 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:17,865 Well... 342 00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,700 "Let it Snow" in E-flat. 343 00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:25,748 Oh, the weather outside is frightful 344 00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:28,709 But the fire is so delightful 345 00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:31,629 And since we've no place to go 346 00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:34,048 Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow 347 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,633 Look, we did it. We did it. 348 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,052 They're singing their carols. We've passed out the presents. 349 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:41,389 Now can we put out the stupid fire and get the Millers out of here, please? 350 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,891 But Sam, we haven't roasted the chestnuts. 351 00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:46,394 Guess again, sweetie. 352 00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:56,070 You know, that was great, kids. 353 00:19:56,237 --> 00:20:01,242 But I think perhaps we ought to thank the kind and generous friends 354 00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:04,578 who have let us make this yuletide possible. 355 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:08,290 No, no, no... You really don't-- 356 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:09,542 No, no. Not at all. 357 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:13,045 Now, Sam and Diane have opened their home-- 358 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,881 It's their home now-- 359 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:20,928 So that we can enjoy one last Christmas here together. 360 00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:25,182 Well, of course, we've known a lot of Christmases around this hearth, 361 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,560 but for you kids, 362 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,729 this will be the last one. 363 00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:36,193 And all you'll have is pictures, home movies and memories 364 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:38,779 to fill the gap through their lives. 365 00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:41,615 I hope the memories survive. 366 00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:43,909 Say you'll remember, children. 367 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,662 We'll all remember, Grandma! 368 00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,082 And what about Easters? 369 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,460 Will you remember the Easters, too? 370 00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:54,628 I don't remember, grandpa. 371 00:20:57,298 --> 00:21:01,427 Please don't make Grandma and Grandpa leave, lady. 372 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,887 No, go. 373 00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:05,222 They don't have to. 374 00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,183 Listen, why don't you come over next week, 375 00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:11,645 and we'll have a big Easter-egg hunt right here. 376 00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:13,522 We'll make it an annual occasion. 377 00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:16,942 No! No! No! 378 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:18,319 No! No! No! 379 00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,905 I am not putting on a bunny suit for anybody! 380 00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:24,074 Now listen, we've done everything, 381 00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:26,577 more than everything anybody could possibly expect. 382 00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:28,621 We've got to draw the line somewhere here. 383 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,499 I mean, we can't arrange our lives just for you people. 384 00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:35,669 This is our house now. You can't have it anymore. 385 00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:39,048 Please, we need a chance to start our own lives here. 386 00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:41,050 I mean, for God's sake, we haven't even had a chance 387 00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:42,968 to be been intimate in our own home yet. 388 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,387 What does Santa mean, Mommy? 389 00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:47,223 Sam! 390 00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:50,267 Mommy will explain it later, dear. 391 00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:51,936 Yeah, and somewhere else, Mommy. 392 00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:53,813 Come on, everybody, please, out. 393 00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:58,651 No, no. Now don't grumble. 394 00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:00,361 Santa is right. 395 00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:02,238 He may have been a little rude about it... 396 00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:06,700 ...but it is true. We have been imposing. 397 00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:11,664 So let's all go over to Grandma and Grandpa's new condo 398 00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:14,208 and have Christmas there. 399 00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:19,839 Frosty the snowman 400 00:22:20,005 --> 00:22:22,466 Was a jolly, happy soul 401 00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:24,510 Bye-bye! Happy holiday! 402 00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:27,555 Bye-bye. Bye-bye. 403 00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:29,181 There we go. Bye-bye. 404 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:30,558 Thank you. 405 00:22:31,392 --> 00:22:33,978 - What about our presents? - We'll ship them to you. 406 00:22:38,399 --> 00:22:40,526 I can't believe what you just did, Sam. 407 00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:42,778 I'm not going to apologize, Diane. 408 00:22:42,945 --> 00:22:45,656 Suddenly the house is ours. 409 00:22:46,407 --> 00:22:49,451 - You mean that? - You claimed it for me. 410 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,872 Just stood up and claimed it for me 411 00:22:53,038 --> 00:22:55,749 like some animal out of the wild. 412 00:22:57,668 --> 00:22:58,919 Oh, Sam. 413 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:02,464 You're so sexy when you're territorial. 414 00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,258 Well... 415 00:23:04,425 --> 00:23:07,052 Anything special you want from Santa this year, little girl? 416 00:23:08,262 --> 00:23:09,972 Santa... 417 00:23:10,139 --> 00:23:12,141 Well, I think that can be arranged. 418 00:23:12,933 --> 00:23:14,435 - There you go. - Where is that? 419 00:23:14,602 --> 00:23:15,686 It's in there someplace. 420 00:23:18,355 --> 00:23:19,648 You know, Santa... 421 00:23:21,150 --> 00:23:25,654 I think it's time to take you up on that offer to polish the floor. 422 00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:29,158 Well, what room would you like to start in here? 423 00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:32,870 How about the dining room? 424 00:23:33,037 --> 00:23:34,788 Oh, good, good, good, good, good.