1
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Cheers <i>is filmed
before a live studio audience.</i>

2
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Hi, Dr. Crane.

3
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Hello, Woody.

4
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- Set me up, will you?
- Coming right up.

5
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Boy, you know, no matter
how many times I come in here,

6
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:18,268
I can't get over how silly you look
in that ridiculous outfit.

7
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:22,064
Really? I kind of like it.

8
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,733
People treat me with a little
more respect.

9
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And there's another bonus.

10
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:27,986
It saves me that couple extra hours

11
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I used to spend every morning
picking out a shirt.

12
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Yes, that can be very time-consuming.

13
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Whatever happened to the
good old days?

14
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Everything was better.

15
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Sam still owned the bar, he wasn't out
circumnavigating the globe.

16
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Yonder sat Diane with a book.

17
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,090
Norm and Cliff were permanent
fixtures in this place.

18
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God, how I miss those hale fellows
well met.

19
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Where has it gone, Woody?

20
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Oh, hey, come on, Dr. Crane,
it'll be all right.

21
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Will it?

22
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:05,941
Oh death in life,
the days that are no more!

23
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Who said that?

24
00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,029
Who said what?

25
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,616
Oh death in life,
the days that are no more!

26
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You did.

27
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No, no, you see,
I mean who said it first?

28
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You said it both times.

29
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You know, you're right, Woody.
Some things never change.

30
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Especially the simple ones.

31
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Don't you forget it.

32
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Afternoon, everybody.

33
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Norm!

34
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That was it, Woody.
Last chance. I'm outta here.

35
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Caught them by surprise.
I'm telling you, they'll get it.

36
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:58,637
Woody, the new crowd's a bunch of
stiffs, okay? They'll never get it.

37
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Hey, Woody!

38
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,520
- Hey, Eddie!
- How are you doing, man?

39
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- Okay, how are you?
- Good.

40
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,690
I passed Norm Peterson on the stairs.

41
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- He didn't give me the time of day.
- Oh, it's 3:15.

42
00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:14,903
Thanks.

43
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Would you like a drink or
did you just drop in for the time?

44
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Now that you've mentioned it.

45
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,451
Say, is Carla around?

46
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,578
She said she wanted to talk to me,
said it was real important.

47
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:26,415
She just went upstairs.
She'll be back down in a minute.

48
00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:29,084
- Good.
- We haven't seen you for a while, eh?

49
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:31,670
Yeah, you know, Carla and I kind of
drifted apart and,

50
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I don't know, I haven't seen her in
months.

51
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:36,174
- The usual?
- You bet, Woody. Good memory.

52
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,301
Thanks.
What is your usual?

53
00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,388
Just give me a beer.

54
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,223
- Coming right up.
- Sam around?

55
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,850
- Oh, didn't you hear?
- No.

56
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:48,437
Sam sold the bar to some
big corporation, bought a boat.

57
00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:51,481
- He's sailing around the world with it.
- Hey, well, good for Sam.

58
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,233
Thought he was supposed
to get married.

59
00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:55,026
Miss Chambers ran off
to write her book.

60
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Only that didn't work out
and last we heard

61
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,948
she was out in Hollywood
trying to write for TV.

62
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:07,038
I bet whatever she comes up with,
it'll be pretty darned good.

63
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:08,582
I bet it will.

64
00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:13,295
Oh, Eddie?

65
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:15,964
Hey, Carla!

66
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What did you wanna talk to me about?

67
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:28,310
Okay, see you.

68
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,978
Yeah, see you, Eddie.

69
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:34,316
So, Carla, what did Eddie say about
his impending fatherhood?

70
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,194
He wants to think about it.

71
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,280
Well my guess is he'll do exactly what

72
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:44,117
I or any normal, red-blooded man
would do in this situation.

73
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,870
On the other hand, you might actually
hear from him again.

74
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,291
Oh, I'm joking, I'm joking.
Come on.

75
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:55,378
Am I the only cutup left in this
morgue? Oh, come on.

76
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,673
Gee, remember the old days
when things were fun?

77
00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:00,842
Remember when the bar was
brimming with scamps

78
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:04,012
and atop every barstool perched an
irrepressible Merry Andrew?

79
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Do you remember that, Sam?
Ah, Sam!

80
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:10,852
Oh, my God, Sam! You're back!

81
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,312
Oh, yeah, you bet I'm back!

82
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:16,900
God, look at Woody!
Hey, man! Look at that.

83
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,069
Hey, everybody!

84
00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,279
Who are these people?

85
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,699
Things just aren't the same
any more, Sam.

86
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,701
Boy, yeah, I'll say.

87
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:29,120
Can't believe the number of
changes around here.

88
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,123
- Thank God you're still pregnant, huh?
- Yeah.

89
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,836
- Who's the lucky guy?
- Everybody but Eddie LeBec.

90
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,128
Eddie.

91
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,005
Yeah. You thirsty?
I'll get you a seltzer.

92
00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:41,424
Yeah, get me something to drink here.

93
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,009
What happened to
your around-the-world sail?

94
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,637
Well, it kind of lost some of its appeal,
Woody, after I sank.

95
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,430
- Sank?
- Where?

96
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:48,807
Somewhere in the Caribbean.

97
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,725
You must feel terrible.

98
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:52,978
No, not really. You know,
a lot of good came out of it.

99
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,564
I discovered a reef that nobody had
ever heard of.

100
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,733
They even named it after me,
No Brains Atoll.

101
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:05,323
Maybe you two should start calling
each other in the morning.

102
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,205
Sammy, it's part of the new regime.

103
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,250
They're running this joint
like a military outfit.

104
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,669
That's too bad. Oh, no, look at that.

105
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,129
What happened to my photographs?

106
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:21,506
Never mind. Now you're back,
you can buy back the bar.

107
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:22,966
Things can be how they were.

108
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,468
I don't have enough money to buy back
an ice cube.

109
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:28,513
But anyway, you know, I just want
to work here.

110
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If I can't be the boss, I can at least
be the highest-paid employee.

111
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:35,103
Yeah, well, I don't know.
We got two bartenders already, Sam.

112
00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:36,646
You're kidding. Who?

113
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Well, hold onto your sides, I'm gonna
introduce you to Mr. Chuckle-Puss.

114
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:41,151
Hey, Wayne!

115
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:45,655
Sam, this is Wayne.
Wayne, Sam Malone.

116
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,198
- How do you do?
- Hello.

117
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:50,076
Sorry, Wayne, but Sam is gonna
take over your job.

118
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:53,663
Yeah, but there's no reason you can't
hang around and be a relief bartender.

119
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,999
I'm hardly a relief bartender.

120
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,961
Yeah, that's right. You know, Wayne
has bored the hell out of people

121
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:03,381
in some of the finest bars
and restaurants in Boston.

122
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:07,677
And as he'd be the first one to tell you,
he can make any drink known to man.

123
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,763
- Oh, is that right?
- Try me.

124
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:13,266
- Okay, Moonbeam.
- With or without curacao?

125
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,268
- Serendipity. Neat.
- That only comes with ice.

126
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:16,728
- Saddlebag.
- Onion or olive?

127
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:19,439
Both. Stick them in your nostrils.

128
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:28,198
Well, that's all right. What the hell?
I'll just come at it from another angle.

129
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:30,450
Who's... Who's running the show
now?

130
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,410
Oh, no, no.
I wouldn't approach it that way.

131
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:36,706
This new manager eats
live sharks for breakfast.

132
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:39,542
But don't go by me,
I've hated every boss I've ever had.

133
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,878
How can you say that?
I was your boss.

134
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:45,090
- Yeah, right.
- Well, I was. Come on.

135
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,841
Anyway, I really hate her.

136
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,803
Her? Whoa, a woman!

137
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,514
- Is she married?
- Who'd marry her?

138
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:55,642
Gee, an unmarried woman. Might take
all of five minutes

139
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,228
- to get my job back.
- Ha-ha-ha.

140
00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,604
Why? What? Oh, no, what?

141
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:03,108
Is she one of those pasty-faced little
business school graduates

142
00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:06,736
with thick glasses and hair pulled back
so tight she hears through her eyes?

143
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,655
- One of those?
- She's coming right now.

144
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,657
Why don't you be the judge of that?

145
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:15,036
Watch this. I came up with a few new
grabbers while I was out at sea.

146
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:35,015
Miss Rebecca Howe, Sam Malone.
Sam, Rebecca Howe.

147
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:35,974
How do you do?

148
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,229
And to you.

149
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,606
- If you'll excuse me.
- Yeah.

150
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:49,029
Boy, you know, she's almost
as great-looking as I am.

151
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,197
Almost.

152
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,367
Gee, I wonder what she'll make me
for breakfast.

153
00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,914
Miss Tortelli, you have a couple
of customers

154
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,833
that look like they're on the
verge of a good time.

155
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:04,544
You'd better hurry over and put
your usual stop to it.

156
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,046
Yes, ma'am.

157
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,472
- Good afternoon, Miss Howe.
- Hello, Woody.

158
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,516
I mean Wayne.

159
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,602
Did you lose your name tag again?

160
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:23,521
Yeah, but I found my pants.

161
00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:28,359
Keep up the good work, Woody.

162
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:33,031
Excuse me. I want to apologize
for my behavior back there.

163
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,449
I was led astray.

164
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:38,328
Somebody told me that you were
kind of a schnauzer.

165
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,790
- Sam Malone.
- Yes, yes.

166
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:44,375
You're the gentleman that
used to own this bar.

167
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,419
I heard you were sailing
around the world.

168
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:50,131
I was gonna do that, but something
kept pulling me back here

169
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:52,759
and I just couldn't figure out what it
was. Till now.

170
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,345
Which reminds me of the other thing
I heard about you.

171
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:58,807
Oh, no. Wait, let me set the record
straight here.

172
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:02,018
You know, there have been a lot of
ridiculous, unbelievable rumors

173
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,728
about my sexual prowess.

174
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:07,649
I just wanna tell you that most of them
are right on the money.

175
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:12,195
You know, Mr. Malone, we've known
each other only seconds,

176
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,738
and I'm already tired of you.

177
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,451
Now, wait, wait, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

178
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,829
I know you think you've had
enough excitement for one day,

179
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:23,206
but there's more. I'm back...

180
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,000
And I'm ready to jump behind the bar.

181
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,837
We're fully staffed, Mr. Malone.
Jump somewhere else.

182
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:33,216
Look, hold on a second. Can't we...?
Can't we discuss this?

183
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:34,467
We just did.

184
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,178
No, no. I meant someplace private
where we could...

185
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,681
Slip out of our things and say:
"Howdy."

186
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:44,853
I don't know if I find your come-ons
disgusting or merely pathetic.

187
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:47,647
I do know you're giving me a
headache behind the eyes.

188
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:53,319
It feels like a little insect
boring into my brain.

189
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,287
- You didn't knock.
- Habit.

190
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,831
Oh, my God.

191
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:09,210
Boy, this place doesn't even look
like my office anymore.

192
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,462
Thank you. It wasn't easy.

193
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:12,964
How could you do this?

194
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:17,135
I mean, you took away all the,
all the charm, all the warmth.

195
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,971
- Where's Dave?
- Dave?

196
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:21,598
My moosehead.

197
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,059
I set him free.

198
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:29,522
If he really loves you, he'll come back.

199
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:37,071
This is a lot of changes to absorb
in such a short time here.

200
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:39,866
- Would you just get out of here?
- Oh, hey, come on.

201
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,660
Lighten up. Running a bar should be
fun, you know.

202
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:46,080
No, visiting a bar should be fun.
Running a bar is hard work.

203
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:50,126
Mr. Malone, I've had a great deal of
training and education to get to this point,

204
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,713
and it's important to me that
I succeed... That it succeed.

205
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,799
Well, in that case, you're missing
a great opportunity here.

206
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:59,969
You see, having a sports celebrity
in the bar is great for business.

207
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,305
I mean you take a look at your...

208
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:08,061
You take a look at your,
at your major places in Atlantic City.

209
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,896
They got your Willie Mays,
your Mickey Mantle.

210
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:13,942
It seems the critical difference here
is that I've heard of those people.

211
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:17,153
Oh, now wait a second here.

212
00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,364
You know, a lot of people
may not know this,

213
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,574
but I happen to be quite
famous.

214
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,913
Well, I don't care if you're famous
or not,

215
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,206
I don't need a bartender.

216
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:30,583
But you're perfectly welcome
here as a patron anytime.

217
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,920
And I personally guarantee you'll
be treated with every courtesy.

218
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,506
Unless you're waited on
by Miss Tortelli.

219
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:38,424
Now, if you don't mind.

220
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:43,263
Wait, wait a second here.

221
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:49,727
I sold this bar because it had a lot of
bad memories for me.

222
00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:54,274
But once I got away from it, I realized it
had a lot of good memories too.

223
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,235
- Mr. Malone, I really wish you--
- No, wait, please, listen.

224
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:58,611
I'm not enjoying this either.

225
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:06,786
There was one memory in particular
that I've been trying to shake.

226
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:10,623
See, I was... I was afraid that I was
gonna walk in here today

227
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:14,085
and see her face everywhere I looked.

228
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:18,089
But instead what I saw was all these
silly changes you made here.

229
00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:21,259
- I happen to think that--
- No, no, I mean, it was good.

230
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:22,927
It, it helped me.

231
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,305
Look, what I'm trying to say is...

232
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:28,433
this, this place is the closest thing
I have to a real home.

233
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,144
I want to come back.

234
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,187
Please.

235
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,275
I'm very sorry, Mr. Malone.

236
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,444
I wish that I could help.

237
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,535
I see.

238
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:49,829
Wait a minute!

239
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:56,961
I guess we could use another relief
bartender a couple of nights a week.

240
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:00,840
Well, it's a start. I appreciate that.

241
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,426
Don't mention it.
You've had some tough breaks.

242
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,345
Oh, not so bad really.

243
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:09,599
You lost the bar, and now you
tell me that's your home.

244
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,726
You lost your girlfriend.

245
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,395
And I guess you were some
sort of an athlete

246
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:19,442
who's having a lot of trouble
getting over it.

247
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:28,242
Anyway, I just hope working here can
help fill a little of the emptiness.

248
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:34,832
Yeah, well, I'm sure it will.

249
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:36,751
Thanks again.

250
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:42,256
You're not doing this out of pity,
are you?

251
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:43,299
Pity?

252
00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:46,636
Well, yeah, I... I can't take this job
if it's just pity.

253
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,679
It's not just pity.
There are other things.

254
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,807
Oh, well, good. Like, like what?

255
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,392
Like...

256
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:55,436
It's pity.

257
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:00,942
Just pity?

258
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,652
Just pity.

259
00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:04,779
No respect?

260
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,322
No.

261
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,493
No personal value?

262
00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:15,706
Do you like my shirt?

263
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:19,460
- Actually, that's a great shirt.
- Well, you know what they say,

264
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:22,839
pity and a nice shirt and the world's
your oyster.

265
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:28,803
Well, I got the job.

266
00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:30,847
- All right!
- Wow! Great!

267
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,890
Well, it's only part-time, you know.

268
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,059
You do have two bartenders here.

269
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,311
Yeah, well, maybe not for long.

270
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:41,649
I've already launched
Operation Wayne Down the Dwain.

271
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,361
Our boys are in the air.

272
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,030
What do you mean?

273
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,574
Cheers.

274
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:53,202
Mr. Malone, will you fill out this
W-4 form and return it to me?

275
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:54,871
- You bet.
- Mr. Drake for you.

276
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:58,082
Give it to me. No, wait a minute,
I'll get it in my office.

277
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,210
I locked myself out.

278
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,087
No, I didn't.

279
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,301
Well, so much for her dress shields.

280
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:13,139
Why? Who's this...?
Who's this Drake guy?

281
00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:16,809
He's vice president of the corporation
you sold out to.

282
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,811
She's got a third-degree case
of the hots for him,

283
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,771
and he doesn't know she's alive.

284
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:24,066
- Yeah, I have my doubts myself.
- Yeah.

285
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:28,613
Hey, Carla, you used to listen in
on my phone conversations.

286
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,032
Never! I'm insulted.

287
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,408
Show me how to do it.

288
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,911
Just press that third button,
pick up the receiver.

289
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,583
Well, no, I have not sent that
statement over yet,

290
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,502
but I'll send it right away.

291
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,587
No, it's no problem, I love you.

292
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:46,756
I mean I'd love to.

293
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:54,347
Oh, by the way, I hired a new
relief bartender.

294
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,098
Kind of a sad case really.

295
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,309
Sam Malone, used to play
for the Red--

296
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,479
Yes, that's him.

297
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:05,691
Well, of course I tried to
get him full-time.

298
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,820
Wonderful drawing card.

299
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,076
Yes, sir. I'll sweeten the offer.

300
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,119
Of course.

301
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,205
Thank you. Goodbye.

302
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,085
Rats.

303
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:30,216
Mr. Malone, may I speak
with you a moment?

304
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,968
Sure. What's up, Becky?

305
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,767
I've just been in there thinking.

306
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:44,146
Maybe I'm cutting off the bar's
association with sports too quickly.

307
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:48,234
Oh, I don't know, Becks. I think
you were right in the first place.

308
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:52,989
Besides, I don't think I could live
on a relief bartender's salary.

309
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,032
Well, what if I made you full-time?

310
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:59,996
I don't think I could survive on a
full-time bartender's paycheck either.

311
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:06,294
Does that include all the usual perks?
Medical, dental, horizontal?

312
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,633
Mr. Malone, we can discuss
the terms later.

313
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:15,511
The important thing is that you
come back to work here.

314
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,723
Oh, I don't know.

315
00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:22,351
Please.

316
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:28,107
Since you're practically begging.
Yeah, I guess I could take the job.

317
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:30,901
You know, I'm gonna hate
to see Wayne hit the streets.

318
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,154
Yes, I agree.

319
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:34,989
Woody, may I see you in
my office, please?

320
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:38,367
- You bet, Miss Howe.
- No, no, wait. No, not Woody.

321
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:39,660
What about Wayne?

322
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:43,122
I happen to think Wayne is
a very talented bartender.

323
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,540
I don't think he's so great.

324
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,000
No, Miss Tortelli?

325
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,670
No. I bet there are a lot of drinks
he doesn't know how to make.

326
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:52,214
Impossible. I know every drink there is.

327
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,759
Oh, yeah?

328
00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:58,638
I say that a customer is gonna
come into this bar tonight

329
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,765
and order a drink you've
never heard of.

330
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:02,308
No way, never happen.

331
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:07,146
Well, if it does, will you take a hike?

332
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,607
All right. And if I win?

333
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,360
Then you get Sam's sailboat.

334
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:17,239
- Deal, Sam?
- It's a deal.

335
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,200
You're on, I love sailing.

336
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:26,040
Looks like a nice, friendly tavern.

337
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,917
I think I'll give it a chance.

338
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:30,378
- Norm!
- Not now, you idiot.

339
00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:36,175
Yes, sir.

340
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,220
Let's see, what do I feel like today?

341
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:41,180
What am I in the mood for?

342
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,307
Guess a Screaming Viking would do it.

343
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:47,395
- Don't you mean a Laughing Swede?
- No.

344
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:52,775
What's the matter, Wayne?
You heard the man.

345
00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:54,860
That drink does not exist.

346
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:58,155
There's been many a morning
I wished to God it hadn't.

347
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:04,412
I've never heard of that drink
and no one else has either.

348
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:07,790
- This gentleman made it up.
- Do I take my business elsewhere?

349
00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:09,291
No, please, sir.

350
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,918
Excuse me, Miss Howe.
I can make that.

351
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:13,045
- Do you want the cucumber bruised?
- Slightly.

352
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,887
Shall I get your coat, Wayne?

353
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:25,933
There is no such thing as a Screaming Viking.
I assure you, Miss Howe.

354
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:27,893
Screaming Viking over here, please.

355
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,187
I don't know what's going on,
I've been a bartender--

356
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:32,481
- Bartender, make it two.
- Coming right up.

357
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:34,859
Wait a minute. There's no such drink
as a Screaming--

358
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,069
I think I'll have a Screaming Viking.

359
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:43,367
Although the name itself
is a misnomer

360
00:20:43,534 --> 00:20:45,661
since the Vikings were not the
murderous plunderers--

361
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,705
Would you shut up?

362
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,082
And welcome, stranger.

363
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:54,336
- You know what I'm in the mood for?
- Screaming Viking.

364
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:58,966
<i>Screaming Viking, Screaming Viking,
Screaming Viking.</i>

365
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:02,178
Miss Howe, I'm sorry, I gave it a shot.

366
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:05,848
But obviously I am not liked by
the customers or the employees.

367
00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:07,850
Screaming Viking!

368
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:11,562
I haven't been called that
since my honeymoon.

369
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,526
Mr. Malone, may I see you
in my office?

370
00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:19,236
Yes, ma'am.

371
00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:24,074
Here's to the best
Screaming Viking in town.

372
00:21:40,883 --> 00:21:43,219
- I knew it was a mistake--
- That's the most disgusting...

373
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:48,849
Here you go.

374
00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:51,811
- What's this?
- A severance check.

375
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,979
Please be a stranger.

376
00:21:55,064 --> 00:21:57,358
Why? What did I do?

377
00:21:57,358 --> 00:22:00,611
In baseballese, Mr. Malone,
you showed me up.

378
00:22:01,487 --> 00:22:04,406
You and the rest of the
Katzenjammer Kids. Goodbye.

379
00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:08,744
Now, wait a minute. What about that
conversation you had with your...?

380
00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:14,208
My what?

381
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:17,962
Your... Your heart. Your heart.

382
00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:19,255
You pitied me.

383
00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:21,882
You've spent your pity, Mr. Malone.

384
00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:25,427
Okay, fine. You know, I don't want
your pity anyway.

385
00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:27,805
You know, I can live without this job.

386
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:30,015
I'll find another way of
supporting myself.

387
00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:31,559
And my mother.

388
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:38,148
You know, the doctor's only given
me six months to live.

389
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,026
Come on, please.
Listen, I swear to you,

390
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:42,778
nothing like this'll ever happen again.

391
00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:45,990
Come on, a decent boss would
give me a second chance.

392
00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:49,410
- I'll tell you something, a--
- Don't say it, a guy would.

393
00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:51,662
I wasn't gonna say a guy would.

394
00:22:52,288 --> 00:22:53,956
But he would.

395
00:22:55,916 --> 00:22:59,712
- All right. I'll give you another chance.
- All right, thank you. Thank you.

396
00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:01,714
But I want to make something
very clear.

397
00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:02,965
Okay.

398
00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:05,718
You've just got one chance left.

399
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:09,763
And as far as I'm concerned,
again in baseballese,

400
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:14,143
it's the bottom of the ninth, you've got
two outs, two strikes,

401
00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:15,853
and no balls.

402
00:23:19,273 --> 00:23:22,484
Okay. I'm still at the plate
though, right?

403
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:25,237
- Right.
- All right.

404
00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:28,240
Now, I think Woody would
probably appreciate a little help out there.

405
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,867
Yes, ma'am.

406
00:23:31,452 --> 00:23:36,081
- Can I ask you just one small favor?
- What?

407
00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:38,167
Can I see you smile?

408
00:23:39,209 --> 00:23:40,336
Why?

409
00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:43,547
It'd just be a friendly gesture to prove
there are no hard feelings.

410
00:23:43,839 --> 00:23:45,883
Oh, come on, I bet you're
the kind of girl

411
00:23:45,883 --> 00:23:48,177
that lights up a room when she smiles.

412
00:23:49,553 --> 00:23:51,221
That's stupid.

413
00:23:52,473 --> 00:23:54,975
I'll give you a little help here.
Watch this, watch this.

414
00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:02,733
Gee, I was wrong.