1 00:00:02,628 --> 00:00:05,339 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:09,051 Hey, how about a couple of beers? 3 00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:11,970 I'm afraid I'm gonna have to see some ID. 4 00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,352 Alrighty, thank you. 5 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:19,978 Now, if I could see yours, please. 6 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,905 Why don't we just forget about it? Let's just get out of here. 7 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,448 Guys, guys, wait a minute. 8 00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:35,327 Before you run screaming from here, let me ask you something. 9 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:38,163 This friend of mine is having twins. 10 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,498 All right, it's me. 11 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,544 Now, I don't care if they call each other cute little names 12 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:47,089 like Chipper and Skipper, or if they pretend to be each other, 13 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,675 make their teachers' lives a living hell. 14 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:53,929 See, what worries me is that they'll have ESP. 15 00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:57,474 You know, and they'll communicate silent, evil thoughts, 16 00:00:57,641 --> 00:00:59,726 and I won't know what they're saying about me. 17 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,521 Do you think that's weird? 18 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:10,028 - Well? - We're discussing it. 19 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,401 Hey, listen up, everybody. 20 00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:34,321 Clifford Clavin has decided to make a major life change. 21 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:37,908 Don't bother. You'd be a dorky woman too. 22 00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,870 Yeah, that's a good one, Carla. 23 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,247 All right, Cliff ie, what's up, bud? 24 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,625 Well, there's a new condo complex going up on my route. 25 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,419 You know, one of those places filled with beautiful people 26 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:50,962 having the time of their lives. 27 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:55,759 I said to myself, "Clifford C., you'd take to that place like a fish takes to water." 28 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,387 All slimy with your eyes bulging out? 29 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:03,433 Shouldn't you be squatting in a field somewhere, Carla? 30 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,400 Well, to make a long story short, 31 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:14,695 I am Boston's newest homeowner, bought a condo. 32 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,906 Hey, hey, wait, wait, that means you're moving out on me? 33 00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:19,908 Normie, I can't live with you forever. 34 00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:21,576 Well, you can't do that. 35 00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,912 Who's gonna mix Vera's cocoa? 36 00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:27,749 And who's gonna rub her feet? Who's gonna talk to her? 37 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:32,003 Normie, I'm afraid you're just gonna have to pick up the slack. 38 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:35,132 No. No, no, no, not me. 39 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,176 Maybe I can hire some high school kid. 40 00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,016 Did everybody see that? 41 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,520 Yes, I've started smoking again. 42 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,022 I've been under a lot of pressure, and I needed something 43 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:52,357 to calm my nerves, all right? 44 00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,234 And I don't wanna hear any stupid remarks 45 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,319 about yellow fingernails or kissing ashtrays, 46 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:59,656 and if you use the phrase "coffin nails," you better be a mortician. 47 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:03,869 Any questions, comments, snide remarks? No? Good. 48 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:07,289 Well, it certainly has calmed her down. 49 00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:11,293 Excuse me? 50 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:14,546 You know, I ought to apologize. I feel like this is my fault. 51 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:15,839 What are you talking about? 52 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,632 Well, obviously, you started smoking again 53 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:21,386 because you've got some sort of pent-up sexual frustration going on. 54 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,346 And I don't think we have to tell each other 55 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,307 who's responsible for that, now do we? 56 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,770 Hey, come on, I'm just trying to help here, you know. 57 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,146 You know what you ought to do, 58 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:34,357 you ought to come on over to Dr. Sammy's Stop Smoking Centre. 59 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,818 Today's special is a free chest exam. 60 00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,698 Sam, is this one of those two-week programs 61 00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:43,533 with a simple two-day follow-up? 62 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,880 Guys. 63 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,342 Come on in. 64 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:08,308 What a surprise, you guys. Welcome to chez Cliff. 65 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,770 Yeah. It sounds like party central out there. 66 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,814 Yeah, well, I just hope that they can keep up 67 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,650 with the chairman of the broads. 68 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:22,447 Cliff ie, I brought you the traditional housewarming gift. 69 00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,324 - Oh, a six-pack. - Yeah. 70 00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:25,826 No, it's a five-pack. 71 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:33,083 Well, so you guys ready for the grand tour? 72 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,335 - Yeah. - Okay. Yep. 73 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:38,463 Right here, we have the living room. 74 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:42,592 Right over here is the bedroom. 75 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:46,012 Hey, slow down. Let me catch my breath here. 76 00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:49,516 - Wait, I almost forgot the kitchen. - I think the builder did too, you know. 77 00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:55,355 - Let me put these beers on ice here. - Yeah, it's a good idea. 78 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,691 It's not too cold in here, buddy. 79 00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:01,486 Oh, yeah, yeah, I noticed that, Normie. I think it's the amalgamator valve. 80 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,489 I've been meaning to strip it down, check out the engine. 81 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,784 You know, I think I'd better put some more Freon in the regulator too. 82 00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:10,912 Or else you could just turn this little dial to cold. 83 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:15,584 Well, yeah, if, you know, you want to take a stopgap approach. 84 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,461 Oh, hey, did you notice the pool on your way in? 85 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:19,880 - Yeah. - Yeah. 86 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,841 Yeah, so when summer rolls around 87 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,594 and all those girls are out there in their French-cut bikinis, 88 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,554 I don't have to tell you where I'll be. 89 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,347 Standing here with a pair of binoculars? 90 00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,016 That's right. 91 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:35,103 Boy, oh, boy. Hey, thanks for coming by, you guys, 92 00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,939 but, you know, I don't mean to be rude, 93 00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:42,611 but I gotta ask you to skedaddle. I got somebody soft and sweet 94 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,488 with a voice like a nightingale coming over. 95 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:49,159 What, the busboy from Melville's is coming over here? 96 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,829 No, no, Woody, Reuben's not coming over here. 97 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:57,083 It's one of the women in the building. 98 00:06:57,292 --> 00:07:00,253 Wait a minute, Cliff ie. Are we actually talking a female here? 99 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:04,174 - Well... - I mean, a real, live, breathing woman? 100 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:08,053 Three-dimensional, no posters, no polyurethane? 101 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:15,352 No, Normie, Sally is the real McCoy. And she's one gorgeous babe to boot. 102 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,853 This I gotta see, Cliff ie. 103 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:19,648 Yeah, maybe we could stick around and meet your lady friend. 104 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,733 No, no, you know, I-- Guys, 105 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,985 I really don't think that's a very good idea. 106 00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,529 Well, why don't you bring her by the bar or something? 107 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,574 Well, you know, I've been trying to get the woman to go out, Normie, 108 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:33,078 but she just wants to stay held up here in our little hideaway. 109 00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:36,873 I guess I'm her love hostage. 110 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,252 Well, that's something I definitely don't care to see. 111 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,590 - Good to see you. - Good to see you. 112 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,092 - Okay? - Lucky you. 113 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,094 Yeah. 114 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:53,848 Hey, if I'm not down at the bar, send out a missing swinger's report. 115 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,856 Oh, yeah. 116 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,211 Hi. 117 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,590 - Hi, Sally. - Hi. 118 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,092 - Hi. - Guess what. 119 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:30,885 - I have great news. - What? 120 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:34,556 I was named employee of the month at the Yarn Barn. 121 00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:39,352 Well, I tied. 122 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:44,357 That's really great news, Sally. I'm really happy for you. 123 00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:48,236 So I was thinking, maybe to celebrate, we could go out. 124 00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:54,409 Why... I got a better idea. Why don't we just stay in? 125 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,786 Oh, Cliff, we've done that every night this week. 126 00:08:57,203 --> 00:09:00,874 I was thinking, maybe we could go to that bar you're always talking about. 127 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,918 Are you kidding, that dive? 128 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:09,507 You know, Sally, I spend all day, you know, walking around outside, 129 00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,718 and at the end of the day, I just like to come back 130 00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:17,140 to my own little apartment here and just sort of relax and take it easy 131 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,684 and get my tensions relieved, if you know what I mean. 132 00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:22,771 Yes, I know what you mean. 133 00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:26,983 - I'll get the lights, huh? - All right, I'll just get comfortable. 134 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:31,654 And I'll meet you on the sofa in about five seconds. 135 00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,531 All right. 136 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:38,953 Have you got the...? You know? 137 00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:41,414 Yeah. 138 00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:49,714 And now, here's the host of Jeopardy!, Alex Trebek. 139 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:52,133 Thank you. Welcome, once again, to our show. 140 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,135 We are delighted, of course, to welcome back 141 00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:56,471 our returning champion, the lady from Boca Raton... 142 00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:03,561 Here comes Madam Nicotine. 143 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:09,192 I just had the most disgusting morning of my life. 144 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,027 Can't wait to hear about it. 145 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:14,614 I just spent the last hour at a no-smoking clinic, 146 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,825 looking at pictures of ugly ashtrays, 147 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,202 rooms filled with smoke, people coughing... 148 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:24,582 And the worst one was a cigarette snuffed out in the yolk of a fried egg. 149 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:27,210 And that stopped you from wanting a cigarette, huh? 150 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,462 No, but I think it's put me off eggs for good. 151 00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:32,674 I'll be in the office chewing on my hair. 152 00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,009 - This is gonna be fun. - Carla, what are you doing? 153 00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:38,596 I am going to torment her with this fresh pack of cigarettes. 154 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,223 No. No, Carla, you mustn't. 155 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:43,476 Carla, now granted, she's been in rather a foul mood lately, 156 00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:46,187 but Rebecca has made a serious life decision. 157 00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,439 And what she needs now, more than anything else, 158 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:51,901 is encouragement and support. And I, for one, am not going to fail her. 159 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,697 - Oh, Rebecca? - What do you want, bone dome? 160 00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:58,074 Here, try these, they're menthols. 161 00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:01,578 Next case. 162 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:08,793 Dr. Crane, I am really sorry. I think I'm just a little on edge. 163 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,504 Look, I apologize too. I behaved very unprofessionally. 164 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:15,216 It's just that I'm really frustrated because I can't seem to kick this habit. 165 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,760 Listen, may I suggest something that seems to have worked 166 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,388 - for many of my patients? - Changing doctors? 167 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,893 Thank you, Carla, no. 168 00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:30,106 You're engaged right now in a psychological battle with your will. 169 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,859 You've got to bring to the foreground every weapon available. 170 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:36,404 Promise yourself that if you smoke one more cigarette, 171 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:41,034 you'll do the most disgusting, repulsive thing you can imagine. 172 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,494 Dr. Crane, I can't even imagine-- 173 00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:50,919 Sam Malone, if I smoke another cigarette, 174 00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:53,171 I'll go to bed with you. 175 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,186 Darn thing's on the blink again. 176 00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:12,815 - Excuse me there, Rebecca? - What? 177 00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:15,109 There's a problem I'd like to talk over with you. 178 00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,403 I am really trying to quit, all right? 179 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:20,740 No, no, no, it's not about that. It's... 180 00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:23,368 I met this girl. 181 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,371 And? 182 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,332 People usually stop me at that point. 183 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:32,168 Anyway, night after night I keep begging her 184 00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:36,422 to come down to the bar to meet the guys, but she just won't come. 185 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,676 No, she just wants to stay at home and watch Jeopardy! 186 00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:43,930 I think that maybe she's a little bit ashamed about the way she looks. 187 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,557 I mean, she's afraid she might embarrass me. 188 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:50,186 So you got any suggestions? What can I do? 189 00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:52,021 Let me see here. 190 00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,649 Have you ever seen those beauty magazine makeovers? 191 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,025 Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. 192 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,569 Well, then what are you bugging me for? 193 00:12:58,736 --> 00:12:59,779 No, wait a minute. 194 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:02,448 If you ever see me with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, do me a favor? 195 00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:04,742 - What's that? - Kill Sam. 196 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:16,129 Did you "dab lip gloss on your eyelashes 197 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:19,966 so they sparkle like the North Star"? 198 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,385 Yes, Cliff. 199 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:23,970 I'm coming out now. 200 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,555 Okay. 201 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,890 Listen, don't stand too close, okay? 202 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:32,437 - Try me from a distance first. - Okay. All right, I'm backing up. 203 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,897 All clear. 204 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,908 Gee, thanks, Cliff. 205 00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,662 Oh, isn't it about time for Jeopardy!? 206 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,084 Jeopardy! 207 00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,086 Jeopardy! 208 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,507 Well, I... 209 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,260 Why don't we go out? 210 00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:05,887 - Really, Cliff? - Sure. 211 00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:10,767 Great. Okay, I'll just go do a little more blending, and then we'll go. 212 00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:14,979 I'll just 213 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:21,736 be out here in the front porch to catch a little breath of fresh air. 214 00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:27,158 I got a fox! 215 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,883 Carla, Carla, Carla, come. 216 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,885 - No. - Ladies room, ladies room, please. 217 00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:48,346 I'm not following her in there again, Sam. 218 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:51,682 I'm one puff away from paradise, come on, please. 219 00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,102 There is only so much polite conversation 220 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,937 you can make yelling over a stall. 221 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,860 Cliff, this isn't a dive. 222 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:07,198 Well, no, by a dive, I meant that it was below street level. 223 00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,325 Right. 224 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:12,954 Yeah, let me introduce you there to my cronies. 225 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:17,959 But I gotta warn you first, they can be a little bit crude, all right? 226 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:21,337 Hey, guys, va-va-va-voom. 227 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:27,677 - Hello. - I thought we met all of Cliff's cousins. 228 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,263 - Oh, I'm not his cousin. - No, she's my date. 229 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:33,224 Would you like a little seat here? I'll get you something to drink? 230 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,851 - Nice to meet you. - Likewise. 231 00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:36,602 Well, I'll tell you, 232 00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:39,147 she's what guys back down on the farm where I come from 233 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,649 would call "ethereal." 234 00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,151 Woody, 235 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,820 where exactly was this farm? 236 00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,784 A couple of beers there, Woodman. 237 00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,995 You got something on her, don't you? 238 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,707 You found something incriminating in her mail. 239 00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:00,376 For God's sake, Cliff, just ask her for money. 240 00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:02,753 Don't be vicious. 241 00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,715 Look, look, look, is it so hard for you people, 242 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:08,676 and whatever you are, Carla, to believe that... 243 00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:12,638 this beautiful woman would go out with me on her own accord? 244 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,725 No, of course not, Cliff. I can think of any number of reasons 245 00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,102 - why a woman might behave that way. - You can? 246 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:21,314 Well, of course, but remember, I'm a psychiatrist. 247 00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,276 So hey, where's Sammy? 248 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:29,822 I wanna show him one gorgeous Bostonian that slipped through his net. 249 00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:32,700 He's over there hauling her in. 250 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,412 Sammy. 251 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:41,334 Whoa, Sammy. Whoa, young fella. Whoa, boy. 252 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:44,086 - Cliff, do you know each other? - Oh, yeah. Yeah. 253 00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:45,546 Can I have a word with you, Sammy? 254 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,882 - Sure. - Yeah, you see, she's with me. 255 00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:50,051 Excuse us, Sally. 256 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,554 - Hey, she is one very pretty lady. - Yeah, exactly. 257 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:56,307 Another one of your cousins? 258 00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,060 She's my date. 259 00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,312 Really? 260 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,898 - Well, is she... - Well, we think so. 261 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,236 - Well, congratulations, man. - Yeah. 262 00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:10,363 Great. Listen, Sammy, about that over there-- 263 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:13,407 Yeah, I'm sorry. I wanna apologize if I was out of line there, but... 264 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,409 Well, the truth is you're gonna have to expect 265 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,703 that kind of thing happening from now on. 266 00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:19,580 What do you mean? 267 00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:22,291 Well, she's definitely a major-league looker there, Cliff. 268 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,752 I mean, guys are gonna be hitting on her all the time. 269 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:27,129 You don't have to worry about that, Sammy. 270 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:29,632 Sally is a one-man woman. 271 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,510 Better check your arithmetic there. 272 00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:37,848 Oh, Sally. 273 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:41,102 Cliff, look who's here, it's Jeff. From 325. 274 00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:45,106 Hey, I know you. You're the guy with the binoculars. 275 00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:51,571 Sally, I think it's about time we vamoosed out of here. 276 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,781 Jeopardy! is gonna be starting in a little while. 277 00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:55,741 - Let's go, Sally. - Listen, 278 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:58,995 Jeff just got a new Porsche Turbo, and he wants to take me for a ride. 279 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,413 You don't mind, do you? 280 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,124 - Well... - We'll just be gone a few minutes. 281 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:04,792 You don't mind, do you? 282 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:07,169 Oh, no. No, I don't mind. 283 00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:09,505 That's fine. 284 00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:12,550 I don't care. 285 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,386 I don't mind at all. 286 00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,352 Beer here, Woody. 287 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:34,739 Excuse me. Excuse me. What was that lady doing in there? 288 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:39,535 Oh, no, no, no. No, you don't understand. See, we-- 289 00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:42,121 Wait a minute, we have this little bet between us. 290 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:45,666 Let me explain. See, I get to go to bed with her if she-- 291 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:57,136 Jamie, kelp is a correct response, 292 00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,680 but you forgot to phrase that in the form of a question. 293 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:02,141 - Beer, Sam, please. - That's why they call it Jeopardy! 294 00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,852 - Are you okay, Cliff? - You get to make the next selection... 295 00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,937 Jeopardy! used to be our show, Normie. 296 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:10,358 It's just not the same watching it by myself. 297 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,653 I just don't know if I can go on without her. 298 00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:16,113 She's only been gone for ten minutes. 299 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,407 ...Argentina and Brazil. 300 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,201 Yeah, I had to make her beautiful, Normie. 301 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:23,621 I've created a beautiful monster. What am I gonna do? 302 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,998 - What is Paraguay? - What is Paraguay? 303 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:29,085 Yeah, all right. 304 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,338 Thanks a lot, Normie. 305 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,256 - What is Notre Dame? - What's Notre Dame? 306 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,050 - That's right. - Oh, yeah. 307 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,012 Hey, hey, hey, Carla. 308 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,556 Do you smell smoke? Come here. 309 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:47,186 Of course I smell smoke, you dink. It's a bar. 310 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:50,314 I also smell beer, sweat and lousy tips. 311 00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:55,569 No, no, no. No, she's smoking in there. I knew she couldn't last this long. 312 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:04,870 Hey, where's the pool table? Wrong room. 313 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,256 I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! 314 00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:18,551 I'm not gonna say I knew it, but I knew it. I knew it. 315 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:21,095 This was your idea too. I did not come up with this. 316 00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:24,390 This is your idea. What a great idea. 317 00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,103 Well, what do you say? 318 00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:35,609 Shall we strip down to our smiles here and show the couch here a good time? 319 00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:37,361 No. 320 00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,071 We'll go to my place. 321 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,116 Excuse me? 322 00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,618 You're really gonna go through with this? 323 00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:45,911 Yes, I am. 324 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,247 - But I wanna get one thing straight. - Yeah, yeah. 325 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,583 My smoking has nothing to do with sexual frustration 326 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:54,295 over you or anyone else. It's just a stupid habit. 327 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:58,382 But I made a pact, so now I'm going to suffer the consequences. 328 00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:03,012 No matter how vile or disgusting they may be. 329 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,431 Let's go. 330 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,184 Well... 331 00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:11,103 You don't really wanna do this, do you? 332 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,397 No, it's all right. 333 00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:16,442 I'll just close my eyes and imagine someone appealing. 334 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:21,030 Besides, I have a feeling it won't take long. 335 00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,994 You know-- Gee whiz, you know, if you're not gonna get into 336 00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:29,663 the spirit of this, then I just don't wanna do it. 337 00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:32,124 No, come on, come on, a deal is a deal. 338 00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:34,084 - No. - Look, I made a pact. 339 00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:37,087 - I just wanna get it over with. - No, I don't want to do it. 340 00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:39,632 You know, I have some pride. I have some dignity. 341 00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:42,635 I tell you what, you find someone else to do your dirty work. 342 00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:47,014 - Teach her to mess with Sam Malone. - What happened? 343 00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:50,518 She asked me to go to bed with her, and I said no. 344 00:21:54,188 --> 00:21:59,026 Oh, Cliff, I have never driven so fast in my whole life. 345 00:21:59,193 --> 00:22:04,365 - I had the best time. - Yeah, great, great. So did I. 346 00:22:04,532 --> 00:22:05,991 Cliff, is something the matter? 347 00:22:06,242 --> 00:22:09,411 No. No, nothing's the matter. What could be the matter? 348 00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:12,248 I'll tell you what's the matter, Little Miss Porsche. 349 00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:15,709 Try to do a girl a favor, help her become a little bit more attractive, 350 00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:19,213 and next thing you know, she's out there attracting people. 351 00:22:20,548 --> 00:22:23,676 Is that what's bothering you? This makeup? 352 00:22:23,884 --> 00:22:25,761 Is that what all this is about? 353 00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:30,391 Well, hey, you gotta admit before you put it on you were 354 00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:33,727 a sweet thing 355 00:22:33,936 --> 00:22:37,857 who was content to sit by a dear friend's side on an evening 356 00:22:38,065 --> 00:22:41,902 and watch a rousing, wholesome game of Jeopardy! 357 00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:46,365 So all I have to do to make things right between us 358 00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:51,161 is take off all this silly makeup and go back to being the way I was? 359 00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:54,707 You'd do that for me? 360 00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:56,333 No way. 361 00:22:58,544 --> 00:23:00,713 I like the way I look in makeup. 362 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,592 Wait till they get a load of me at the Yarn Barn. 363 00:23:07,011 --> 00:23:11,849 It makes you look like a cover girl. 364 00:23:13,017 --> 00:23:14,935 I'm sorry, Cliff. 365 00:23:16,145 --> 00:23:18,480 That's what you're stuck with. 366 00:23:19,857 --> 00:23:22,651 You're just gonna have to learn to live with it. 367 00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:28,574 Well, I guess I'm big enough of a person 368 00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:31,619 not to let your appearance get in the way of our relationship. 369 00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:34,455 I'm glad. 370 00:23:34,622 --> 00:23:37,124 Besides, appearances don't matter at all. 371 00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:39,335 Of course they don't. 372 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:44,423 Like it doesn't bother me that you wear those funny white socks. 373 00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:46,800 Of course it doesn't. 374 00:23:47,301 --> 00:23:50,512 Or that it looks as if you trim your moustache with a butter knife. 375 00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:52,306 Yeah, another fine example. 376 00:23:52,514 --> 00:23:55,225 Cliff, have you ever considered joining a gym? 377 00:23:55,392 --> 00:23:58,604 Oh, have you ever considered wearing flats? 378 00:23:59,897 --> 00:24:03,025 I could help you with that smoking problem, you know.