1 00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:04,379 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:06,882 Hello. 3 00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:09,927 Carla, what are you doing here? You're not due for an hour. 4 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:12,638 I had to get out of my house. It was a zoo. 5 00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:16,767 Serafina took the hedge clippers to the shag carpet. 6 00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:20,229 Little Lud unplugged the refrigerator 7 00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:23,398 to see if frozen peas melt faster than ice cream. 8 00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:27,528 Gino made a volcano for his science project in the microwave. 9 00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:29,112 And on top of everything else, 10 00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:31,198 me and Eddie had a big fight. 11 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:33,158 Oh, jeez, what about? 12 00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:36,119 He had the nerve to say I don't know how to control my kids. 13 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,790 I don't know, we just can't seem to see eye to eye 14 00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:41,667 on the right way to discipline. 15 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,502 Carla, it's for you. 16 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,424 Hello. 17 00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:52,469 I thought we settled this. 18 00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,805 No, you definitely cannot hit him. 19 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,808 No, you cannot lock him in the closet, 20 00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:01,853 and you absolutely cannot wash his mouth out with soap. 21 00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:05,357 Ann Marie, you untie your stepfather right now! 22 00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:26,396 Cheers. 23 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:28,690 Yeah, hi, Carla. 24 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:31,985 Bye, Carla. 25 00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,904 Hey, what was that about? 26 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:37,866 It's just Carla reminding us it's her night off. 27 00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:47,125 Normie, you ever feel like we're getting in a little rut here? 28 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:48,293 How do you mean, Cliff? 29 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,171 Every day we come into the same bar, 30 00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,548 sit on the same stools, drink beer, night after-- 31 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,343 I mean, there's gotta be something a little bit more to life. 32 00:02:56,510 --> 00:03:00,722 Cliff ie, for the last time, I am not changing bar stools with you. 33 00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:04,768 I, for one, applaud your desire to shake things up a bit, Cliff. 34 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:07,437 Sometimes I think I'd give anything for a change, 35 00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:11,525 no matter how slight, in this deadly, unvarying routine of life. 36 00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:14,277 - What can I get you, Dr. Crane? - The usual. 37 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,448 So, Sam, anything interesting in the corporate newsletter there? 38 00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:20,575 Oh, well, let's see here. 39 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:21,993 Yes. 40 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,871 Did you know that the corporation that owns this bar 41 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,875 purchases 1 percent of all the string made in America? 42 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,671 My blood pressure, Sam, please. 43 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:35,674 Oh, come on, guys. 44 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,677 There must be something going on in our lives that we can talk about. 45 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,345 Well, Norm, what did you do today? 46 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,682 I just about finished the first coat of paint on Cliff's apartment. 47 00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,934 Yawns all around. Next? 48 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:49,020 - I got a ticket this weekend. - Woody, we're not that desperate. 49 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,440 Speak for yourself. Parking or moving? 50 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,567 Parking, but it was my own fault. 51 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:58,572 I let the meter run out while I was watching them film Spenser: For Hire. 52 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,240 What? 53 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:03,827 Spenser: For Hire, that's my favorite. Was Robert Urich there? 54 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:07,748 - Well, yeah, it's his show. - And you saw him? Oh, my God. 55 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,750 Well, Normie over here's met him. 56 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,252 You lie. What's he really like? 57 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,588 Well, you know, he just sped past me in his BMW, 58 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,965 but he seemed like a real courteous driver. 59 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,925 You know, I've heard that about him. 60 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,970 Oh, would you stop it? 61 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:25,474 The guy puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like everybody else. 62 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,143 Why is everybody so gaga over actors? They're just-- 63 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:32,606 Hold it, hold it. I'm still picturing him with his pants down around his ankles. 64 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,944 So, Wood, how long did you watch them film? 65 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,864 Till some guy came up and put me in one of the crowd scenes. 66 00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:43,658 - Now, wait a minute. - You were in a scene? 67 00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:47,746 You're gonna be on national TV? Weren't you nervous? 68 00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:50,457 Oh, yeah, I was until I talked to Mr. Urich. 69 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:54,044 You talked to him? I'm dying. What did he say? 70 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,338 He said it was a cold day. 71 00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:57,839 And what did you say? 72 00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,883 - I agreed with him. - Good move. 73 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,511 Then I loaned him my gloves. 74 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,137 - Yeah, what did he say? - Thanks. 75 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:07,057 Oh, can't you just hear him? 76 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:09,309 Yeah, the truth is, I know how you feel. 77 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:13,522 I felt the same way about Hayley Mills when I was 12. 78 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,191 When weren't you 12? 79 00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,156 Hello, ladies, can I help you? 80 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,992 We're here about the book club. 81 00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:29,412 You probably have us confused with the public library. Happens all the time. 82 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,248 - It's two blocks down. - This is Cheers, isn't it? 83 00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,667 - Oh, yes, but-- - Excuse me, I'm Rebecca Howe. 84 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,210 - You must be Mrs. Miller? - Yes. 85 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,295 We're here to make the final arrangements 86 00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:38,797 for our Sunday-night meetings. 87 00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:40,674 Great. Well, let me show you the backroom. 88 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,968 I hope everything suits your needs. 89 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,679 Miss Howe, can I speak to you for a minute? 90 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:49,266 You go on ahead, and I'll join you in just a minute. 91 00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,561 What is this about a book club? 92 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,312 Ever since I arrived here 93 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:57,315 I have been desperately trying to upgrade the clientele in this bar. 94 00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:58,984 Well, upgrade some other night. 95 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:02,320 Sunday is the night that we have our weekly pool tournament. 96 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:03,905 You said it, that's right. 97 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,533 Well, just have your pool tournament another night. 98 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:10,412 Like we can rearrange our schedule here, right. 99 00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:13,832 - What about Monday night? - Guys, we got a lady right off the boat, 100 00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:16,835 doesn't speak any English. Tell her what happens Monday night. 101 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,753 Football! 102 00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:21,381 - How about Tuesday? - Darts night. 103 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:24,926 - Wednesday? - Well, recovery from darts night. 104 00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,304 Thursday's poker night. 105 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:31,099 - Friday's our night to howl. - And Saturday night is date night. 106 00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:34,519 - So where does that leave us? - Horny on Sundays. 107 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:38,315 The book club will meet here on Sunday, period. 108 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:41,776 - Miss Howe, we have a few questions. - Of course. 109 00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:45,238 Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but do you ladies comprise a book club? 110 00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:49,117 - Yes, that's right. - Well, a salon of the '80s. 111 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,536 You know, it's encouraging to meet a group of adults 112 00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:53,121 who still read in this day and age, 113 00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:55,498 rather than paying homage to the great god television. 114 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,751 - I can't tell you how heartened I am-- - Excuse me. 115 00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,586 I have a cigarette going back there. 116 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,299 Of course. 117 00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:05,967 Woody, when you were on the set there, 118 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:08,053 - did you see any famous actresses? - No. 119 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,221 What about all that drug stuff you hear about in show business, 120 00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:11,514 - see any of that? - No. 121 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,309 Was there a lot of that juicy backstabbing going on on the set? 122 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,978 - No. - Guys, you gotta hear these stories. 123 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,022 Yeah. 124 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:22,817 So, Normie, think you'll be through painting my apartment tomorrow? 125 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:26,321 Yeah, I'll finish up tomorrow. Can you have a check ready for me? 126 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:29,866 I'll give you one now. 127 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:35,997 Pay to the order of Norman Peterson, one zillion dollars. 128 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:40,585 There you go. Buy yourself a yacht, young fella. 129 00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:44,255 Cliff, you are going to pay me for this job, aren't you? 130 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:47,467 Normie, you didn't charge me last year when you painted Ma's house, 131 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,761 - did you? - That was before I was a professional. 132 00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,681 Oh, I'll say, we never did get those windows unstuck. 133 00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:54,349 I've finished half your place. 134 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,977 I'll be happy to come by and finish the rest of it, okay? 135 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,311 I'd appreciate a check. 136 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,897 If you got a problem, why don't we work out a payment schedule right now? 137 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,566 Look, Norm, money is not a problem, you know that. 138 00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,652 It's just-- Well, I'm not a cheap man. 139 00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:08,989 A statement I'll wager has never been uttered by anyone but a cheap man. 140 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:13,368 Look, Norm, if I knew you were gonna charge me for all this, 141 00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:16,579 I would've demanded a better job. Now, I've been letting you slide, buddy. 142 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:19,958 If you think the work is so worthless, just finish it yourself, Cliff. 143 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,710 Well, not that I couldn't. 144 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,962 I mean, it doesn't exactly take a Phi Beta Kappa 145 00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,840 to stick a brush in a bucket and slap it on the wall, does it? 146 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,175 - Any monkey can do that, huh? - Oh, yeah. 147 00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,302 As opposed to the high level of skill and precision it takes 148 00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:33,054 to shove a postcard through a slot. 149 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,767 That's enough, enough, okay. 150 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,769 Enough, Normie. I'm waiting for an apology. 151 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,896 Fine, I'll drop it in the mail. That way you'll never get it. 152 00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:47,402 Well, I certainly don't have to stand here and take that. 153 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:50,655 Good news, everyone. I found a way to make him leave. 154 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,949 You'll rue this day, my friend. 155 00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:54,951 I am gonna make a laughingstock out of you 156 00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:57,245 in front of your whole pseudo profession. 157 00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:59,873 Very Joan Crawford. 158 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,676 Oh, glad you guys could make it. Hey, wipe your feet there, would you? 159 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:15,055 - What time does the game start? - Oh, any minute now there, Woody. 160 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,682 Hey, look at this place. 161 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:19,726 So this is what you finally picked out, huh? 162 00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:22,020 Oh, yeah, was it everything you thought it'd be, Sammy? 163 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,189 No, no, I like it. 164 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:28,818 Well, I've been meaning to have you guys over here for a while now. 165 00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:31,446 I wanna take this opportunity 166 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:33,615 to make a public apology to my pal Normie here. 167 00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:36,242 I got out of line a little bit the other night in the bar, 168 00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:39,579 and I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. 169 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,664 Don't worry about it, I said some stupid things too. 170 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:45,543 Hey, hey, see that apple in the underwear commercial there? 171 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,046 He played a doorman in my Spenser: For Hire. 172 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,673 - Oh, yeah? - Talk about range. 173 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,926 Hey, you know, it's actually a good paint job. 174 00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:57,472 Oh, yeah, thanks there, Normie. I thought I could do this by myself, 175 00:09:57,639 --> 00:10:00,016 but when I started, I realized that I needed somebody 176 00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:02,143 with your specialized skills and talents there. 177 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,394 - Yeah? - Yeah. 178 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:04,687 Takes a man to admit that. 179 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:07,690 Glad you appreciate the value of professional labor. 180 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,567 Oh, yeah, I sure do. 181 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,069 Listen, if you guys don't mind, 182 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:14,030 I'd like to introduce you to the skilled artisan who did this fine work. 183 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,950 He's in the bathroom over here finishing up. 184 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,702 Hey, Duane, come out here. 185 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,115 Cheers. 186 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,076 Oh, hang on a second. 187 00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:02,829 Mr. Peterson, it's Mr. Clavin. 188 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:06,291 Come on, now, it's been a whole week. Maybe he wants to make up. 189 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,501 Take a message. 190 00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,005 Can I take a message? 191 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,133 Okey-dokey. 192 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,681 What did he say? 193 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,277 What are you doing there? 194 00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:38,656 Miss Howe put moi in charge of refreshments for the book club. 195 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,952 - Well, yeah, but what are those? - Finger sandwiches. 196 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:44,829 You know, the part that takes the most time 197 00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:47,081 is getting that middle knuckle right. 198 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:52,462 Woody, they don't actually have to look like fingers. 199 00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,589 Yeah, right, Sam. 200 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,678 Boy, it hardly feels like a Sunday without a pool cue in my hand. 201 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:03,056 Why don't we go to Old Towne Tavern, shoot some stick? 202 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,392 You kidding? Tonight happens to be Woody's big debut 203 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,019 on Spenser: For Hire. 204 00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,979 Can't imagine what it's gonna be like 205 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:13,107 to see somebody we actually know up on that TV screen. 206 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:16,527 Norm, I'm loath to chide you for your short memory, 207 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,072 but I appeared on the tube just a few short weeks ago. 208 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:23,576 Oh, yeah, Frasier, no of fence, but a bunch of do-gooders sitting around 209 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,578 jabbering about a nuclear freeze is one thing. 210 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,456 We're talking prime-time cop show here. 211 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:33,753 Evening, ladies. I'm really excited about you being here. 212 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,755 The rest of your group's already in the back. 213 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:39,175 Thank you very much. It should be a special evening. 214 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:43,972 Tonight we're discussing English agrarian life before the Reform Bill, 215 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:46,641 as portrayed in Eliot's Middlemarch. 216 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,393 Would you care to join us? 217 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:51,354 You know, actually, we were just discussing that at the bar, 218 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,273 and I'm a little burned out on it. 219 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,694 Miss Howe. 220 00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,196 I put the tea and the lemonade in the back for the ladies, 221 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,073 and these are ready for you. 222 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,700 Thank you, Woody. 223 00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:08,955 Woody, when I said I wanted finger sandwich-- 224 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,376 These look delicious. 225 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:16,879 Excuse me. 226 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,382 - Yes, yes, yes? - I'm missing something in my tea. 227 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:22,385 - All right, a lemon here, sugar? - A touch of brandy. 228 00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,305 Well, all right. 229 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:28,099 - There you go. - Don't be shy. 230 00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,769 - Thank you very much. - Bye-bye. 231 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:34,439 Hey, hey, everybody. My Spenser: For Hire is on. 232 00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:38,484 - Woody, when is your big scene? - It's hard to tell. 233 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,696 You know, on television, we shoot out of sequence. 234 00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:46,367 I wonder if you might have a little gin back there. 235 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,828 Gin, in a bar? 236 00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,957 - It's your lucky day. There you go. - Thank you. 237 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,001 See, I've had this cold. 238 00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:59,547 That's the street I was on, that's my scene. 239 00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:02,175 - Right. - Woody, Woody, Woody. 240 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,719 - Guys, there I am. - Where? 241 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,388 - There, right there in the corner. - That's a fire hydrant. 242 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:08,931 No, right next to it. That's my sleeve. 243 00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:12,518 - Woody, we can't see your face. - What, don't you recognize my shirt? 244 00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,312 That distinctive plain white one? 245 00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,273 All right, now it's gone to commercial. 246 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,734 - You missed it. - What are you telling me, that's it? 247 00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:22,028 - Lots of people have white shirts. - And arms. 248 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,322 How do we know you were even on the show, Woody? 249 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,491 Of course I was. 250 00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,159 Oh, you gotta believe me. 251 00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:31,913 Oh, yeah, I bet that's you driving the little chuck wagon right now, huh? 252 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:38,753 No, no, I swear it. I met Robert Urich and everything. 253 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,464 Yeah, Wood, let us know when your pants are on Dallas. 254 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,763 What shall we do With the drunken sailor 255 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,307 What shall we do With the drunken sailor 256 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,101 What shall we do With the drunken sailor 257 00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,936 Early in the morning? 258 00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,938 Heave-ho and up she rises 259 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:59,607 God, not again. 260 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:02,568 What the hell is happening to our book club? 261 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:06,280 I think it had something to do with that last round of margaritas. 262 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,284 - Hey, hey, hey! - That does it. 263 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:13,121 - I am putting a stop to this right now. - No, let me handle this. 264 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:16,416 You're not used to dealing with those rowdy book-club types. 265 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,293 Sam, this is my bar. I am in charge. 266 00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:22,588 - All right. - I am capable of restoring order. 267 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,508 You are so cute when you're macho. 268 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,636 Hey, Woods, I'm just curious. 269 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,638 Did a lot of shirts audition for that role? 270 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:34,142 Hey, Woody, there's an article in here that says 271 00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:36,936 your shirt is now dating Morgan Fairchild. 272 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:39,397 She says they're just friends. 273 00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:43,401 Come on, guys. I'm telling you, I really did do it. 274 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:44,610 Sure thing, Woody. 275 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,907 Cheers. 276 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,910 Oh, hi, Robert Urich. 277 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,789 Yeah, yeah, this is your old pal Woody. 278 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,669 Oh, well, I thought your performance was wonderful tonight too. 279 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,546 Yeah, yeah. 280 00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:08,551 What? Oh, yeah, that shirt? Yeah, yeah, I picked it out myself. 281 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,303 Sears, I think. 282 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,514 Yeah, okay, well, thanks for calling. 283 00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:15,808 I'll see you around the studio. All right, bye. 284 00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:19,812 - See? - How could we have ever doubted him? 285 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,981 Boy, do we have egg on our face, huh? 286 00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:24,108 Boo on. 287 00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:29,071 You sure taught them a lesson, didn't you? 288 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:32,533 By the way, what do they do with a drunken sailor? 289 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:34,952 Malone, get in there. 290 00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:38,581 Oh, so you do need me, huh? The right man for the job. 291 00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:41,667 No, no, no, you don't understand. They asked for you. 292 00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:48,841 - They did? - Yes, they said send in... 293 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:52,970 Did you hear that? What did you--? Could you say that slower, please? 294 00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:57,642 The tall hunk with the rippling rump. 295 00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:02,563 And you automatically thought of me. Isn't that interesting? 296 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,482 Would you just get them out of here, please? 297 00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:07,276 I will ripple them into submission. 298 00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:09,820 You catching that? 299 00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:16,494 "Yaba, daba, daba, daba, daba, dab" Said the monkey to the chimp 300 00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,914 - Hey, guys. - Hey, hi, Cliff. 301 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,542 - Hey, where's your monkey? - Oh, no, that's not my monkey. 302 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,794 I just rented him to play a little joke on Normie. 303 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,003 Good one, huh, Zippy? 304 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,173 Yeah, it gets funnier every time you mention it, Cliff. 305 00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:32,051 It was funny when you sent me over that crate of bananas. 306 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,971 It was really funny when you started having my mail addressed to Cheetah. 307 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,558 Particularly hilarious when you sent over the organ-grinder. 308 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,936 You know, Cliff, you just keep getting funnier and funnier. 309 00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,981 If you get any funnier, I may have to kill you. 310 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,945 That's it, call the cops. 311 00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:52,280 What are they doing? 312 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:55,533 They're grabbing me, teasing me, making fun of me 313 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,493 and stuffing money down my shorts. 314 00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:00,621 Hey, small bills too. That's great. 315 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,208 Fresh meat! Fresh meat! 316 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,794 Send in the young one. 317 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,680 Say, is the book club still meeting? 318 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,391 - After a fashion. - Oh, well, good. 319 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,809 I dropped by the office 320 00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,228 and dug up an old paper I wrote when I was an undergrad. 321 00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:27,315 I was always rather proud of it. So I thought I might share it with-- 322 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,984 I don't think you understand what's going on back there. 323 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:33,195 Oh, Sam, you're hardly one to condescend to me. 324 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:37,867 Oh, ladies. 325 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:43,497 Good God! Please, I'm a doctor. 326 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,963 - Good night. - Bye-bye. 327 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,381 Good night, good night. 328 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:55,384 Thank you, good night. 329 00:18:56,927 --> 00:19:01,390 Twenty, 40. Yeah, not bad. 330 00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,768 Not bad for a night's work. 331 00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,605 You got 40? I only got 10. 332 00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:11,484 Well, Sam, perhaps you didn't shake it until they couldn't take it. 333 00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:16,113 Oh, let me see, where are my keys? 334 00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:19,367 Oh, that's right, I was using them as castanets. 335 00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:24,872 What are you doing, Woody? 336 00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:28,334 I'm wringing my hands with guilt. 337 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:32,254 I don't think I've actually seen that before. Why? 338 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,757 I told a terrible lie to the guys, Sam. 339 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,218 Oh, you mean about being on that TV show? 340 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,387 No, no, that was true, but... 341 00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:43,724 I got a telephone call and I pretended it was Robert Urich on the other end. 342 00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:46,102 I mean, I didn't hurt anybody or anything, 343 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,854 although your plumber seemed a little confused. 344 00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:53,734 Well, don't worry about it. I'm sure everyone'll forgive you. 345 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:56,696 But it was a lie, Sam, and I've never told a lie before. 346 00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,781 - What? - No, no, wait, that's a lie. 347 00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:00,324 I told a lie. 348 00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,619 See, now that's two lies. 349 00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:07,123 See how much easier it gets? Oh, my God, I'm out of control. 350 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:10,626 - What's next, murder? - No, no, hey, Woody, Woody... 351 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,507 Looks like the old pool tournament is on again for next week. 352 00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:19,260 Oh, yeah, fancy that. Well, did you tell Norm? 353 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,470 When he hears that, he'll go ape. 354 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:26,517 Cliff, your delivery of jokes is as bad as your delivery of the mail. 355 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:31,188 Mighty Joe Young strikes back there. 356 00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:32,690 How'd you become a mailman anyway? 357 00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:34,608 What, did you flunk out of tollbooth school? 358 00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:38,946 All right, Norm, that's a good one. 359 00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:42,491 You know why dogs hate mailmen? They just wanna be like everyone else. 360 00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,537 All right, that's it. It's go time. 361 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,998 Okay, fellas, this is the guy I've been telling you about. 362 00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,750 Wait, wait, wait. 363 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,918 Oh, come on, come on. Look at yourselves here. 364 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:57,339 Cliff, Cliff, this is your friend Norm. Norm, it's your buddy Cliff. 365 00:20:57,715 --> 00:21:00,468 You don't wanna do this, now, do you? 366 00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:02,762 All right, all right. Somebody help me here. 367 00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,263 Hey, stop it, hey, stop it. 368 00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:07,349 Now, listen, I-- You guys have been friends for years. 369 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:09,143 Think of the things you've done together. 370 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,145 Drinking beer together... 371 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:14,315 And I'm sure there's a lot of other stuff. 372 00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:17,151 Hey, you know, you're partly at fault here. 373 00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:19,487 You made fun of his profession and you refused to pay him. 374 00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:20,821 And you, Norm. 375 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,824 Actually, you didn't do anything at all, did you? 376 00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:26,827 I tell you what, why don't let me hold him, and you biff him one. 377 00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:31,040 I don't know, Sammy. I just want this to be over with. 378 00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:32,541 Yeah, me too. 379 00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:37,129 Well, I'm sorry, Norm. Just make out a bill and I'll pay it. 380 00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:39,965 - I'll give you that discount. - All right. 381 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,718 I guess that monkey stuff was a little bit out of line, huh? 382 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:44,970 It was actually pretty funny. 383 00:21:45,179 --> 00:21:47,848 It's a small man who can't laugh at his own profession, you know? 384 00:21:48,098 --> 00:21:50,810 - Yeah. - I just wanna let bygones be bygones. 385 00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:53,562 The important thing is we're just still friends. 386 00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:58,567 - Do you mind, guys? - Oh, oh, no, sorry. 387 00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:09,328 Yeah, Normie, I'm sorry about everything that happened. 388 00:22:09,954 --> 00:22:12,206 Cliff, I'm even sorrier for what's about to happen. 389 00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:14,291 What do you mean? 390 00:22:38,566 --> 00:22:41,402 You're dead meat, Peterson! 391 00:22:44,738 --> 00:22:46,282 Let's go shoot some stick. 392 00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,329 Hey, Woody. 393 00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:55,040 Hey, Bob, how you doing? 394 00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:57,918 Fine. I was just passing by, and I wanted to return your gloves. 395 00:22:58,085 --> 00:22:59,795 - Thanks for letting me use them. - My pleasure. 396 00:22:59,962 --> 00:23:03,007 Listen, could you hang on a second? I got some friends you'd love to meet. 397 00:23:06,093 --> 00:23:10,097 Miss Howe? You'll never guess who's here. Bob Urich. 398 00:23:10,472 --> 00:23:13,517 Woody, it's been a horrible night. I'm really not in the mood to be teased. 399 00:23:13,684 --> 00:23:15,352 No, no, it's the truth. He's really here. 400 00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:17,271 Woody, go away! 401 00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:20,983 She's a big fan of yours. 402 00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:26,071 Hey, guys, Bob Urich's here. 403 00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:28,782 Oh, sure, Wood. Who's he with? Liz Taylor? 404 00:23:30,117 --> 00:23:32,912 - You're not, are you? - No. 405 00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:36,206 Look, Woody, we were shooting late, and I'm having a few people over. 406 00:23:36,373 --> 00:23:37,750 - You wanna come by? - You bet. 407 00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:40,461 - Yeah, come on. - Great. 408 00:23:41,879 --> 00:23:43,297 My car's right outside. 409 00:23:43,464 --> 00:23:45,341 Could you hang on a second? I wanna check here. 410 00:23:45,507 --> 00:23:48,302 - Sure. - Hey, Sam, Robert Urich's here. 411 00:23:48,469 --> 00:23:50,679 He wants me to go over to his house. Can I leave? 412 00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:54,725 Woody, Woody, Woody. All right, yeah, whatever you say. 413 00:23:54,892 --> 00:23:57,728 - Great, we're out of here. - Good night. 414 00:24:03,734 --> 00:24:05,152 No.