1
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Cheers <i>is filmed
before a live studio audience.</i>

2
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Hey, Sack Happy,
how are you doing?

3
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Hey there, Rubber Thumbs.

4
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Hey, I thought you'd be
on a dim route by now.

5
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I don't see you pushing
many number-one sacks there, Clavin.

6
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What the heck
are they talking about?

7
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It's kind of a postal rap.

8
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Hey, there's a flap
that you had a brush with Utility.

9
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Six-oh-fours all the way.

10
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Yeah, well, you know
the scheme, Fed.

11
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You know, I actually once thought
of asking Cliff what it all meant,

12
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but then it occurred to me
he might tell me.

13
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Well, I can't put this off
another minute.

14
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- What's up, Frasier?
- I'm a man in a predicament, Sam.

15
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I've got to find a gift
for the dearest, sweetest,

16
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most wonderful woman on Earth.

17
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So you finally dumped Lilith, huh?

18
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No. It's our one-month anniversary,

19
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and I'm just stumped
about what to get her.

20
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- Any suggestions?
- Well, you could get her a nice mank.

21
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- mank?
- Yeah. You know, it's a mock mink.

22
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I got one for Vera.

23
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You cannot tell it from the real thing.
It's great. Unless, of course, it rains.

24
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Then you just toss it in the dryer

25
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and you leave the house
for a couple of hours.

26
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Well, I suppose I'll think
of something. Wish me luck.

27
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Hey, Cliff, new suit?

28
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Well, no, actually,
I just had it dry-cleaned, doc.

29
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Hey, Woody, a beer, and one
for <i>mi compadre</i> here, Normie.

30
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- You all right?
- Oh, yeah, I'm all right.

31
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Sorry. I thought Cliff
was gonna buy me a beer.

32
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Well... Well, I am.

33
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Hey, Norm, come on now,

34
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knock it off there,
will you? Jesus.

35
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I mean, it's just that my annual
civil-service raise came in today.

36
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You know, at three
and a half percent.

37
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Just like clockwork.

38
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You know, as if carrying that bag
wasn't honor enough.

39
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- Oh, Mr. Clavin, you got a raise, huh?
- Yep.

40
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I've been hoping for a raise
for two years. Haven't gotten diddly.

41
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Wow, Woody, that is an outrage.

42
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You ought to walk
right up to Miss Howe,

43
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look her square in the eye
and demand diddly.

44
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I tell you what, you work overtime,
you get over-diddly, pal.

45
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And diddly and a half on weekends,
and a golden diddly on holidays.

46
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- Diddly.
- Cliff, Cliff.

47
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The secret is knowing when to stop.

48
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- Hey, Sam?
- Yeah.

49
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You think Miss Howe would
give me a raise if I asked her?

50
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Well, let's see.
You're a good bartender.

51
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You never had a vacation.
You never been out sick.

52
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Probably not.

53
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,987
- Gee, really, Sam?
- No, she's tough.

54
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Maybe if you get her
in a good mood.

55
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- How do I do that?
- Well, put her in a good mood.

56
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You know, be nice to her.
Compliment her.

57
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- Compliment, right.
- Yeah.

58
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Okay. Thanks, Sam. I'll do it.

59
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What should I compliment?

60
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I don't know.
First thing you see, Woody.

61
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Come in.

62
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Miss Howe, did I ever tell you
you have a nice...

63
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...smile?

64
00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,224
Thank you, Woody.

65
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Was there something you wanted?

66
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Well...

67
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Miss Howe, I've been here at Cheers
for quite a while now.

68
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I'm a good worker.
I don't take vacations. I'm never sick.

69
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- And I was just wondering if...
- No, Woody,

70
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I'm gonna have to stop you right there.
I cannot give you a title.

71
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Title?

72
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Yes, I know, you deserve it,

73
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but the front office doesn't let me
hand those things out.

74
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No, Miss Howe,
you don't understand...

75
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Sometimes people work here
10, 15 years before receiving a title.

76
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:57,255
- How can I justify giving one...?
- Miss Howe, I want a raise.

77
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Oh, is that all?

78
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That's fine.
How much did you want?

79
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Just like that?

80
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Of course. I thought you came in
to beat me out of a title.

81
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:09,142
But if you just want to settle
for money, that's fine.

82
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Wait a minute.
Let's just stick with this title thing.

83
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No, no, Woody, you said
you would settle for a raise.

84
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Now, I'm gonna hold you to it.

85
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,736
Oh, no, I blew it.

86
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I should have demanded a title.

87
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Money gets spent,
but titles are forever.

88
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No, Woody, I told you...

89
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:30,121
Doggone it, Miss Howe,

90
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you're not gonna pawn
some raise off on me.

91
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:36,294
I don't want money.
I deserve a title.

92
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:40,841
Woody, I have met
some tough negotiators in my life...

93
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All right, you deserve it.
I'll go to the mat for you.

94
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Congratulations.
You're the new Senior Bartender.

95
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Get out! Senior Bartender?

96
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Wait till I tell my folks.

97
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To think I came in here

98
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asking for a stupid little raise
and now this.

99
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I just hope it doesn't go to my head.

100
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:03,864
That's what's nice
about you, Woody.

101
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,074
Nothing ever goes to your head.

102
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,080
Hey.

103
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So did you get the raise?

104
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Sammy, Sammy, Sammy.

105
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There's more to life than money.

106
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- Oh, no, you didn't get the raise.
- I got something much better.

107
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You're looking at Cheers'
new Senior Bartender.

108
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Oh, Woody,
you didn't fall for that, did you?

109
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- Fall for what?
- Oh, man, she conned you.

110
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She talked you into accepting a title
instead of a raise.

111
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I don't believe you.

112
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Hey, I'd like to see you do better.

113
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Hey, she may be able to pull
the wool over your eyes, but not mine.

114
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As a matter of fact,
I'll prove it to you.

115
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,531
Yeah, I'm due for a raise
around here.

116
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Behold the master here.
Woody, watch the bar.

117
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,745
Sam, considering my new title,

118
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,997
I don't think you can just
give me orders like that.

119
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You're right. Please forgive me.

120
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I respectfully request permission
to ask you to watch the bar, sir.

121
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Money can't buy
that kind of respect.

122
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,015
- I was wondering...
- The answer is no.

123
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,726
Oh, come on. A little raise
is not gonna kill you.

124
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,187
No, a little raise is not gonna kill me.

125
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:20,440
And neither are those free rounds
of drinks we're always giving everyone.

126
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:23,318
Or the little bar tabs all our friends
are always running up.

127
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But you add them all together
and they spell bankruptcy.

128
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,323
Which is probably
more than you can do.

129
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,660
Wait a minute.
What do you mean "bankruptcy"?

130
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,245
We're losing money, Sam.

131
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:37,123
And as long as we are,
no one's getting a raise. Nothing.

132
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:40,001
All right, all right.

133
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:42,963
But if you wanna go out there
and save face in front of your friends,

134
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,466
I can give you a title,
just like I did Woody.

135
00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:49,094
Come on.

136
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,764
A title to save face?
How childish do you think I am?

137
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:58,478
Senior Bartender, huh?
Well, Woods, you know, I'd say

138
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:02,315
a promotion like that kind of deserves
a round of drinks on the house.

139
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,275
Gee, Mr. Peterson, I'd love to.

140
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:08,321
And I'm real sorry, but,
gosh, I just don't think I'd better.

141
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,991
Boy, you give a guy a title,
he turns into a fascist.

142
00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:15,370
So, Wood, now that you've
scratched and clawed your way

143
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:16,830
to the top of your profession,

144
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,832
are you still gonna talk
to us little people?

145
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,709
Little people?

146
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:24,963
Oh, right, you folks don't like
to be called midgets anymore.

147
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,175
Sure, I'll talk to you.

148
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,053
It won't be easy
with your tongue in another state.

149
00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:38,018
So, Sam, how much did you get?

150
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,686
Well, it's kind of complicated, Woody.

151
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,397
It's all tied up with bonuses
and stock options.

152
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,650
But I can tell you
that you're looking

153
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:49,154
at the new Executive
Supervising Bartender.

154
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,532
Well, congratulations, Sammy.

155
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:55,785
A promotion like that kind of deserves
a round of drinks on the house.

156
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,495
- Nice try, man.
- Well, you know.

157
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,748
You just couldn't stand it,
Sam, could you?

158
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,541
That I had a title and you didn't.

159
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:05,462
Oh, come on, Woody.
These titles don't mean anything.

160
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:08,465
- You wanna switch?
- Right. Senior Bartender.

161
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,508
Like I've been dying
for that one all my life.

162
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,928
Hey, at least mine's a real great title

163
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,722
and not a stupid
made-up one like yours.

164
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,309
- Hey, mine is not made-up.
- Hey, all right. Knock it off, all right?

165
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:23,438
Will the Senior Idiot Bartender
and the Executive Supervising Moron

166
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,648
shut their yaps
for about ten seconds?

167
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,692
You're bartenders. That's it.

168
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:30,695
You're a bartender,
and you're a bartender. Period.

169
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:36,034
Carla's right. I'm sorry.

170
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:37,619
Yeah, me too.

171
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,748
I, however, am the Managing Director
of Waitresses.

172
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:47,587
- Congratulations, Carla. You know...
- Give it up, Norm.

173
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:51,132
- That does it.
- What?

174
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,973
Miss Howe, I heard about Carla
and Sam's new titles,

175
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:01,017
and I must say I've got a problem.

176
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:04,604
You've got a problem?
I'll tell you about problems.

177
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,439
I will tell you all about problems.

178
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,817
We've been losing money
for the last three months.

179
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,820
I have just been informed
that if we continue to lose money,

180
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,655
the bar is going to be put
on the block.

181
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,573
And then my career will be over,

182
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:19,744
and so will everyone's drinking days
here at Cheers. Understood?

183
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:34,884
Well, maybe it isn't exactly
my place to say this,

184
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:38,138
but Cheers means about as much
to me as it does to anyone here,

185
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,849
and this is pretty bad news.

186
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,185
I'd say bad news like this deserves

187
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:46,646
a sympathy round
of drinks on the house.

188
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,357
What? Oh, what?

189
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,702
You don't think we're gonna
lose the bar, do you?

190
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:01,828
What are we gonna do?

191
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:04,038
Where are we gonna go?

192
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:05,707
Home?

193
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:08,001
Hey, listen,

194
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,879
we gotta think of some way
to drum up business.

195
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:13,590
What do you want us to do?
Force people to drink here?

196
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:16,009
- Pour beers down their throats?
- No, Carla.

197
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,760
Well, don't be hasty, Sam.
Let her talk.

198
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,805
Norm, you work for the big firms.

199
00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,640
What do they do
when they need money?

200
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,517
All right, first off,

201
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,603
they go and fire
all the deadwood.

202
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,439
- Yeah, then what?
- I'm long gone by then, so...

203
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:35,278
Well, what if we get something
real valuable that everybody wanted,

204
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,113
and then gave away
chances to win it?

205
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:39,115
A raffle?

206
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:42,160
Sam, would you mind giving
my idea a little consideration

207
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,870
before you just jump in with yours?

208
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,331
No, no.

209
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:49,292
Rebecca, hey, I think
we put our heads together here

210
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,336
and came up with a solution
to your problem.

211
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:54,047
Sam, please, this is my problem.
I'll handle it by myself.

212
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,507
Hey, listen, everybody needs
a little help now and then.

213
00:11:58,301 --> 00:11:59,844
All right, Sam,
what's your great idea?

214
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:02,680
Well, I think you're gonna like it.
It's real special.

215
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,849
I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

216
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,977
It's a... Well, we hold a raffle.

217
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:09,270
Oh, please.

218
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,731
Well, actually, it was Woody's idea.

219
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:14,484
We could give away
a Caribbean cruise.

220
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,736
Hey, Woodchuck, not a bad idea.

221
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,656
Do you think she just
handed me this title?

222
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:23,034
Listen, it'd be perfect. I mean,
people would be pouring in here.

223
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:26,287
We'd be out of the red in no time.
Come on, let's give it a shot.

224
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,164
All right, why not?

225
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:29,749
It's the mark of how
desperate I am

226
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,293
that I'm willing to take
any half-baked, hare-brained scheme

227
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,462
from a bunch of bozos like this.

228
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,130
All we ask for is a little faith.

229
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,009
Eureka! I have found it.

230
00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:44,097
Sam, can anything compare
to the ebullient feeling one gets

231
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,766
having discovered and then purchased
a fine work of art?

232
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:49,936
Yeah, sticking your foot
in a pan of scalding hot water

233
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,729
when you got a fungus itch.

234
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:55,024
Well, you may not know art,
but you know what you like.

235
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,485
Correct me if I'm wrong there,
doc, but that's

236
00:12:57,652 --> 00:13:00,238
from the Machiavellian
Cubist era, isn't it?

237
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:03,700
No, Cliff, but thank you
for participating just the same.

238
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:09,163
No, my anniversary gift to Lilith
is an abstract Expressionist piece.

239
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,958
Would it be rude to ask
what something like that might cost?

240
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,211
- Not if you like and appreciate it.
- Sorry to interrupt.

241
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,548
Say, Frasier,
why'd you buy her a painting?

242
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,717
Why not get her something
she might actually want?

243
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,552
Oh, no, Lilith will love this.

244
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,470
It's an original Tidwell.

245
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:28,349
See, it represents man's struggle
against intransigent fate.

246
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,351
It's called "Number Seven."

247
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:33,271
Here. Drink it in for a moment.

248
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,441
What does it say to you?

249
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,484
It says, "We got a live one."

250
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,405
I don't know. I kind of like it.

251
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:44,866
Looks like a couple of dogs
getting real familiar.

252
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,244
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.

253
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:49,746
Woody, hose them down.

254
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,790
I should have known better
than to show you Philistines

255
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,417
a fine work of art.

256
00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,504
Rebecca?

257
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,257
Yes, do you mind if I keep this
in your office for a few days?

258
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:03,718
- It's my anniversary gift to Lilith.
- Certainly.

259
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,180
I hope she loves you very much.

260
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:22,445
Woody, aren't you finished
numbering those Ping-Pong balls yet?

261
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:25,782
Almost. I'm just putting
happy faces on all the zeroes.

262
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:26,991
There's a shocker.

263
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:29,077
Boy, I can't believe this.

264
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,788
This place has been packed
for two weeks now.

265
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,790
This contest was a great idea.

266
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,876
Well, I kind of like
the way it used to be around here.

267
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,419
Yeah, know what you mean, Normie.

268
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:39,879
All these damn people here,

269
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,673
treating this like some kind of
public gathering place.

270
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:48,137
I think this little raffle idea of mine
turned out pretty well, don't you?

271
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:51,682
Don't you think you ought
to give me a little thank you?

272
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:52,975
A little pat on the back?

273
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,103
You on your back.

274
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,815
Sam, when you say things like that,
you make me love you even more.

275
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:00,900
You're being sarcastic, right?

276
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,277
Are you?

277
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:06,864
Dr. Crane, I'm glad you're here.

278
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:09,450
I hate to mention this, but you've had
that picture of the two dogs

279
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,160
in my office for quite a while now.

280
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:14,831
- When are you giving that to Lilith?
- I'm going to give it to her tonight.

281
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,457
And by the way, they are not,

282
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,918
and I can't say this
more emphatically, two dogs.

283
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:21,546
Whatever. I want them
out of my office.

284
00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:24,424
They keep reminding me
of how lousy my social life is.

285
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:27,844
Yeah, but to be honest with you,

286
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,346
I wouldn't mind winning
that Caribbean cruise prize.

287
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,057
Call me Ishmael, but...

288
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,811
...all the Clavin men all
go down to the sea.

289
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,688
I guess I must have
saltwater in my veins.

290
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,773
Too bad there isn't an air bubble.

291
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,029
Frasier.

292
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:48,364
Oh, why, there she is now,

293
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,950
the ray of sunshine
I call my blushing bride.

294
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:54,537
Dear, that color jacket
is not good on you.

295
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,956
Yep. Sorry, fellas,
she's all mine. You can't have her.

296
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:02,003
Well, anyway,
happy anniversary, my sweet.

297
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,505
Same to you.
Are you ready for dinner?

298
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:07,383
Yes. First, I've got a little surprise
for you. Close your eyes.

299
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:10,678
Oh, Frasier, love, I'm really not
a proponent of surprises.

300
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,638
My father once asked me
to close my eyes,

301
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,223
and he left for two years.

302
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,767
Well, then, keep your eyes open.

303
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:19,896
By the way, are you familiar
with the artist Tidwell?

304
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,647
Of course. isn't he the one

305
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,941
who did the painting
of the two dogs commingling,

306
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:27,278
then sold it for an ungodly
amount of money to some ninny?

307
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,281
Yes, that's him.

308
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:33,367
Well, what's my surprise?

309
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:36,496
Oh, surprise?
Well, it was nothing really.

310
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,206
It's no big deal.

311
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,082
Just my car.

312
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:44,962
Why, Frasier, I'm overwhelmed.

313
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:46,839
Your Mercedes.

314
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,383
Nothing says loving
like something from Stuttgart.

315
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,718
Shall we?

316
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,471
But what does this have to do
with Tidwell?

317
00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:56,933
Oh, well, that's its name, you see.
I give all my possessions pet names.

318
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,602
Well, by the way, have you met
my cufflinks, Bert and Ernie?

319
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:03,147
Attention. Attention, everyone.

320
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:06,275
Now is the moment
we've all been waiting for.

321
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,528
I hope you're as excited as I am

322
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,655
because this is probably
the most exciting event

323
00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,740
I've ever been to in my entire life.

324
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:15,034
Well, except for the time

325
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:18,955
that our prize cow Velveeta
gave birth to a two-headed calf.

326
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:22,458
Now, I don't know how many of you
have seen a two-headed calf get born,

327
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,168
but the ones who have
will bear me out.

328
00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:25,169
Woody, Woody...

329
00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:27,171
Actually, it's not as exciting
as you might think.

330
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:29,048
- Only one of the heads could move.
- Woody.

331
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,927
The other one
just seemed kind of dazed.

332
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:35,346
Hey, Woody.
Pick the damn number, will you?

333
00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:36,597
Okay.

334
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,600
And the winner

335
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:44,146
of the Cheers all-expense-paid trip
to the Caribbean is...

336
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,484
...number 99!

337
00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:50,778
Hey, that's me!

338
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:10,047
Say, Woody,
when you turn this 99 upside down,

339
00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:12,508
it kind of looks like a 66, doesn't it?

340
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,302
Sure does.

341
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,639
Excuse me. We have a correction.

342
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,143
- The winner is 66.
- No.

343
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,978
I've got it. I'm 66.

344
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,324
Stop the music! Stop the music!

345
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:38,868
What's going on here?

346
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,453
You called 99.

347
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,164
- Oh, he's right.
- It is 99!

348
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,045
Hey, stop the music here.

349
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,005
Woody, man,
we got a little problem here.

350
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,340
Hey, what's going on?

351
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:55,718
What's the problem?
I mean, you chose 99 first.

352
00:18:58,012 --> 00:19:01,641
Hey, yeah, but 66 comes before 99.

353
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:06,103
Hey, what the hell
kind of place is this?

354
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,313
Who's the manager here,

355
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,066
and why aren't they serving
free drinks to calm this angry crowd?

356
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:16,155
This is starting to stink as rotten
as those game-show fixes

357
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:17,406
back in the '50s.

358
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:20,993
Gentlemen, gentlemen,
excuse me here.

359
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,538
There's obviously been some mistake,
and I'm very sorry about that.

360
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:28,167
But would one of you please have
the decency to give up the trip?

361
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,836
- No, she's crazy. Forget it.
- No way. Forget it. No, no.

362
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,673
Come on. You guys don't really
wanna go to the Caribbean, do you?

363
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,550
Do you have any idea what the sun
does to your skin down there?

364
00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:39,428
- What are you talking about?
- I'll tell you what I'm talking...

365
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:42,515
Here, I wanna introduce you
to last year's winner, man.

366
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,475
He's actually 24.

367
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,229
- I fell asleep on the beach.
- Yeah, thank you.

368
00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:51,899
See what I'm talking about?

369
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:54,985
Listen, lady, I don't wanna be
a hard case about this,

370
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,655
but if I don't get my trip,
you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

371
00:19:57,822 --> 00:19:59,657
What's your boss's name?
I wanna complain.

372
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:02,576
That's it. I've had it.
My career is over.

373
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,161
No, no, come on.
Don't give up now.

374
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:07,123
Listen, you have come so far
to get to where you are.

375
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,083
Are you gonna throw
all that away?

376
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,668
Come on,
go back out there and fight.

377
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,795
- Show them how tough you are.
- How?

378
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:15,589
Cry your pretty little eyes out.
No man can resist that.

379
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,759
That is insulting.
I will not use those tactics.

380
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:22,430
I will handle this in a professional,
businesslike manner.

381
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:23,681
All right.

382
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,434
Excuse me, gentlemen.

383
00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:29,270
There has been a mistake made.

384
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:32,523
But I am the manager,
and I'm willing to take responsibility.

385
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:35,901
What's important to me
is that I have two satisfied customers.

386
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,738
So I'm gonna see to it
that both of you get that trip.

387
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,114
Nice.

388
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:42,783
Of course that will probably mean
the end of my job.

389
00:20:43,534 --> 00:20:45,161
My career.

390
00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:47,788
My life, actually.

391
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:51,375
But I don't want that
to have any bearing on this.

392
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,461
I just want you both
to be really happy.

393
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:57,339
And maybe you could send me
a postcard from the Caribbean.

394
00:20:57,923 --> 00:20:59,300
And address it to me at...

395
00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:01,218
Oh, I don't know.

396
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:06,307
The YWCA or skid row
or something.

397
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,769
Now wait a minute there,
dear, don't cry.

398
00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:14,398
You won't lose your job.
I'll give up the prize.

399
00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:16,025
- You will?
- Yeah.

400
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:18,402
Sure, I never win
anything anyway.

401
00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:19,987
Always been a loser.

402
00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:22,573
I've never been able
to hold down a job.

403
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:27,328
The wife left me
a couple of years ago,

404
00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:30,498
and my kids won't talk to me.

405
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:35,127
Oh, there, there.

406
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:38,005
Hey, listen.

407
00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:41,634
I don't really need to go
to the Caribbean. You go.

408
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:45,304
- No, no.
- No, I want you to go.

409
00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:47,515
I mean, my wife will understand.

410
00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:50,392
I'm married to the most
wonderful woman in the world.

411
00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:51,936
I mean, she's so kind.

412
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:54,104
So understanding.

413
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,690
And to think that she can maintain
such a wonderful attitude

414
00:21:56,857 --> 00:22:00,277
despite being confined
to that wheelchair.

415
00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,280
It's just...

416
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:05,616
That's the most beautiful thing
I've ever heard.

417
00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:07,535
You know something,
they should both go.

418
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:10,663
- Yeah.
- Yeah, they should both go.

419
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:14,542
Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.
What about my sob story?

420
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:17,086
I got eight kids.

421
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:20,881
Heard it.

422
00:22:24,718 --> 00:22:27,179
Well, how can they both go?

423
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:30,349
We don't have enough money
for two trips.

424
00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:33,352
- Well, that figures, huh?
- Oh, what a rip-off.

425
00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:36,021
Whoa, hey. Take it easy,
take it easy now.

426
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,315
Maybe they can't
both go on a cruise,

427
00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:41,151
but they can both win a prize.

428
00:22:41,652 --> 00:22:46,240
- What are you talking about?
- Well, sure, our other first prize.

429
00:22:46,407 --> 00:22:48,909
Listen, one of you guys
can go on the cruise,

430
00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:53,163
and the other one gets this
very, very special surprise.

431
00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:56,417
Yeah, we have a...
We have a wonderful,

432
00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:58,252
wonderful other first prize.

433
00:22:58,419 --> 00:23:01,130
It's a beautiful painting.

434
00:23:04,425 --> 00:23:06,760
Oh, my God.
Is that an original Tidwell?

435
00:23:06,927 --> 00:23:08,637
Yes, it certainly is.

436
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:11,015
I've always wanted a Tidwell.

437
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:14,977
Would you mind taking the cruise?

438
00:23:15,144 --> 00:23:17,563
- Not at all.
- Thanks.

439
00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:20,608
Boy, I've dreamed
of owning a Tidwell all of my life.

440
00:23:20,774 --> 00:23:23,360
And you tried to tell us
you were a loser.

441
00:23:23,986 --> 00:23:25,029
Thanks.

442
00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:26,947
Music.

443
00:23:33,787 --> 00:23:37,333
Say, does that painting
give you any idea how to thank me?

444
00:23:37,499 --> 00:23:38,500
Yes, Sam.

445
00:23:38,667 --> 00:23:40,794
Next week, we'll all chip in
and have you fixed.

446
00:23:45,132 --> 00:23:46,300
Excuse me, folks.

447
00:23:46,467 --> 00:23:49,261
We still have the consolation prize
to give away.

448
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:52,306
Eight hundred and forty-seven
hand-numbered Ping-Pong balls.

449
00:23:52,473 --> 00:23:55,017
- No, Woody, man. Don't do that.
- All right.

450
00:23:55,184 --> 00:23:58,562
And the winner
of the Cheers consolation prize is...

451
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:01,565
...number 11.

452
00:24:03,776 --> 00:24:05,611
Oh, no, here we go again.

453
00:24:06,695 --> 00:24:08,739
<i>No, Woody,
let me explain something here.</i>