1
00:00:01,293 --> 00:00:04,338
Cheers <i>is filmed
before a live studio audience.</i>

2
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:11,178
Oh, Fras.

3
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,472
You make it home okay
last night, buddy?

4
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,349
Yeah, thanks for putting me
in that cab.

5
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:16,642
I figured you had a little too much

6
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:19,144
when you started making fun
of that longshoreman's mother.

7
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:23,565
Good Lord, I don't remember a thing.
What did I say?

8
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,108
Something like,

9
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,820
"Unions are for mommy's boys
who can't get their own jobs."

10
00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,074
Why didn't he kill me?

11
00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:33,700
Well, you said you wanted to wait

12
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,536
and take him on
when there were more people here.

13
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:40,791
So you said you'd meet the guy
back here today about...

14
00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,834
Right about now, actually.

15
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,088
The guy couldn't make it.

16
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,466
Whoop, there he is.

17
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,178
No, that's just a car.

18
00:00:56,557 --> 00:01:00,602
Okay, why are you taunting me
like some sort of plaything?

19
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:04,064
Oh, it's just my little hangover cure.

20
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,524
Didn't help me a bit.

21
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,442
No, but mine's gone completely.

22
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:23,977
- How are you doing, Woody?
- Fine.

23
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,771
Is that a new shirt?

24
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,440
- You mean the one I'm wearing?
- Yes.

25
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:32,527
You look very nice today.
Very cute.

26
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,571
Really?

27
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,365
You mean it? Me?

28
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,575
I mean me, you think me look cute?

29
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,786
Well, I did.

30
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:48,627
Hey, fella, you a little sweet
on Rebecca there?

31
00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:50,003
Nah, get out.

32
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,215
No, come on.
You got that kind of dopey look.

33
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:57,427
Hey, get over here.
You can tell us. Come on.

34
00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:00,430
Well, okay.

35
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,184
Last couple of months
I have kind of noticed her.

36
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:08,355
In fact, if it weren't for Mr. Drake,
I really might go after her.

37
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,065
Come on, Woody.

38
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:12,526
What's so funny?

39
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,904
No disrespect, Rhinestone Cowpie...

40
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,158
...but I really don't think her idea
of a hot date

41
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:22,953
is a butter-churning contest
in Tobacco Flats.

42
00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:27,040
Hey, you're forgetting something.
Miss Howe said I was cute.

43
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,376
Yeah, but, Woody,
I think she thinks you're cute

44
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,795
kind of like she thinks
a puppy dog is cute.

45
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,171
Yeah, I know.

46
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:35,799
Hey, is that a cut?

47
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,638
So you guys really don't think
she'd go for me, huh?

48
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,390
I may just have to show you.

49
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,434
You couldn't get to first base.

50
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,769
First base, nothing.
I could hit a home run with her.

51
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,690
- No, you can't hit a home run.
- Can so.

52
00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:54,609
In fact, by midnight tonight,
I can get a kiss.

53
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,946
A kiss, huh?
Is that what you meant by home run?

54
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,283
Yeah, sure, what else could it be?

55
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,662
I thought you meant "go all the way."

56
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,456
You mean, marry her?

57
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,085
Sam, where is your mind?

58
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:15,547
All right, wait a minute now.

59
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,466
I got ten bucks says
Woody can get that kiss.

60
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,010
Come on, will you stop it, Norm?

61
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:22,053
I mean, Woody's
got about as much chance

62
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,681
of getting a kiss
out of Rebecca as Sammy here.

63
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:26,808
- Yeah.
- Hey, whoa, listen.

64
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,770
Sure, Woody can't do it,
but do you think I can't come through?

65
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:30,896
No, rumor has it, Sam,

66
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,315
that the woman
finds you utterly repulsive.

67
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,610
Rumor, heck.
It's in the newsletter.

68
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:39,988
Hey, would you guys
give me a break?

69
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:43,450
You're talking to Sammy here.
I am the king.

70
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,411
Yeah, well, when was the last time
that Rebecca said you were cute?

71
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:49,831
Yeah, Sam, it might be time
to hang up those lips, buddy.

72
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,083
Hey, no, no,
hey, listen, I still got it,

73
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,835
and if you need proof, then fine.

74
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:57,547
I will get that kiss from her.
And before Woody too.

75
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,466
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

76
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,010
Well, there's an expression
we used to have back in Indiana.

77
00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:03,386
- Yeah?
- Same to you.

78
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,267
All right, all right.
I got ten bucks on Woody.

79
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,353
Me too.

80
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,855
Yeah, I'll put 20 bucks
down on the kid.

81
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:17,567
- You're putting 20 on Woody?
- You're right, Sammy. Make that 50.

82
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,487
Come on, you're putting me on here.

83
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,113
No, Sammy. I mean,
look at that face.

84
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,866
Okay, that sweet, innocent face.

85
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:28,870
The kind of face we all hate
and resent, but we will cash in on it.

86
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:32,249
Okay, all right. You know, I'm gonna
teach you doubters a lesson.

87
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,875
I'm gonna take all bets.

88
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,169
Okay, let's set the ground rules here.

89
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,297
- All right, wait a second.
- Kiss before midnight tonight.

90
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,717
It's got to be a full one,
on the lips, all four lips touching

91
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:46,555
for an entire three counts.

92
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:49,307
Wait, but there's got to be
a bona fide witness.

93
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,433
I'll do it. I'll do it.

94
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,726
I think this is gonna be better

95
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,271
than our contest
for the biggest spit bubble.

96
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:55,647
It's possible.

97
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:56,940
Now explain this to me.

98
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:58,984
If the winner is gonna get
a kiss from Rebecca,

99
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,443
what does the loser get?

100
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,405
A kiss from Norm.

101
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:07,367
Then, of course, there is no loser.

102
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:15,834
So when are we gonna see
some action?

103
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:18,503
What are you worried about?
I got all day here.

104
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:19,880
I'll see you guys.

105
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,966
Anyway, I've got this sewn up.

106
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:27,053
I don't know, Sammy.
I'm on your side, but, you know,

107
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:30,515
a lot of women come into this bar
wanting to meet the sexy bartender.

108
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:33,435
More and more of them
are not talking about you.

109
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,353
Hey, wait, listen,

110
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,355
you're not losing faith
in me here, are you?

111
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,316
I mean, you still think I got it.

112
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,067
- Don't you?
- Sure I do.

113
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,403
But, you know, you can't take
this thing for granted.

114
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,530
Get a little older,
you got to work harder.

115
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:46,990
Or date uglier.

116
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:54,122
Well, you know, come to think of it,
Woody is kind of cute, isn't he?

117
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:58,084
Oh, this is not good.
This is not good for my image at all.

118
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,878
I mean, if I let Woody win here,

119
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:01,671
then every young punk
with a pair of lips

120
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,048
is gonna be challenging me.

121
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,468
All right, I got a way to go here.

122
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:07,969
Watch this.

123
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:12,057
Hey, hey, these go to table six.
And you owe them some change.

124
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,313
Hey, boss.

125
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,149
- What, are you doing inventory?
- That's right.

126
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:23,485
Boy, you know, it is getting warmer.

127
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:27,280
Maybe we ought to be ordering
some more rum and...

128
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,159
Sam?

129
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,119
Oh, my God, are you all right?

130
00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:38,416
No, no, not that.
Mouth to mouth.

131
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:39,709
Are you sure?

132
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:42,003
Mouth to mouth.

133
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,881
All right. Oh, God,
does anybody know mouth to mouth?

134
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,841
I do, I do, I do.

135
00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,347
It's okay, I'm all right.

136
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,183
Works every time.

137
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:07,195
Low, Sammy, real low.
Not worthy of the king.

138
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,364
Entering Nick Tortelli country.

139
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:10,907
Hey.

140
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:13,702
"King Woody.'
Yeah, it does have a ring to it.

141
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,287
Yeah, say it, Sam.
See what you think.

142
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,248
King Woody.

143
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:20,959
Your grace.

144
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:27,424
Afternoon, Woody.

145
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,050
Oh, yeah, hi.

146
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,886
Are you okay?

147
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,888
Oh, yeah, sure, great.

148
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,726
You wouldn't wanna know anyway.

149
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,144
Well, of course I would.

150
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,479
- Really?
- Very much.

151
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:42,856
- You sure?
- Yes.

152
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,566
- Honestly?
- When was the last time

153
00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:46,401
someone actually struck you?

154
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:52,741
Well, see, I'm trying out
for this part in a play.

155
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:55,827
It's a really important part,
and it's a really well-known play.

156
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,120
<i>Bus Station.</i>

157
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,788
You mean <i>Bus Stop?</i>

158
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,915
Oh, I'll never get it.

159
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:06,296
This is great. He's gonna be
so worried about his dumb play

160
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,298
he's probably gonna forget
all about the bet.

161
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:11,176
At least his memory loss
isn't from senility.

162
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:15,847
Gee, I'm so glad
you're on my side, Carla.

163
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,142
See, the thing is,
the audition's tomorrow,

164
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,519
and I don't have a chance
to work with any of the other actors

165
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,272
to prepare my part.
Actors have to do that, you know.

166
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,985
Say, Miss Howe, do you think maybe
you could read with me?

167
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:32,739
Oh, gee, Woody, I'm sorry.
I'm really busy with this inventory.

168
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,866
Oh, yeah, sure. I understand.

169
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:36,826
I'll just lose the part.

170
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,412
All right, Woody.

171
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,539
But you have to promise
to make it quick.

172
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:43,708
Thanks, Miss Howe.

173
00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:46,878
Hey, I hope you don't mind.
It's a love scene.

174
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,300
Did you hear that? Love scene.

175
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,556
Love scene.

176
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:03,686
Sometimes the little hamster
falls asleep in the wheel.

177
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,322
- If you could just sit here.
- All right, Woody.

178
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,366
But I'm expecting a beer distributor
in five minutes.

179
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:19,536
- No problem.
- Sell it. Make me believe it.

180
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:21,955
- Carla?
- It really helps

181
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,916
- when you have an audience.
- Is there gonna be any nudity?

182
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,962
Not unless you're planning
something repugnant.

183
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,840
All right, so what are we doing here?

184
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:36,052
Okay, the scene is between
a wayward young rodeo buck, Bo,

185
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:41,474
that'd be me, and the sexy showgirl,
Cherie, that's you, I guess.

186
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,894
So where do we start?

187
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,647
Right here before it says they kiss.

188
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,578
Oh, oh, golly.

189
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:07,000
When you kiss someone for serious,
it's kinda scary, ain't it?

190
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:08,793
Yeah, it is.

191
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,670
Now I'm supposed to kiss you.

192
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:14,883
Sorry, I hope I'm not
interrupting anything here.

193
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:16,426
What is it, Sam?

194
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,637
We're out of vermouth.

195
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,806
So order more.

196
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,226
- Is that okay?
- Yes, if we're out of it.

197
00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:27,103
- We are.
- Then order more.

198
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,647
- Vermouth?
- Yes, Sam.

199
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,317
Would you excuse us, please?

200
00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:39,824
Okay, where were we?

201
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,287
Oh, oh, golly.

202
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:50,084
When you kiss someone for serious,
it's kinda scary, ain't it?

203
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,669
Yeah, it is.

204
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:56,341
Sorry. I wouldn't interrupt like this
except it's important.

205
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:57,884
What is it, Sam?

206
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,678
I ordered the vermouth.

207
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:06,559
Sam, would you get out of here?
We're right in the middle of a scene.

208
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,145
Oh, a play.
I love good dramatic stuff.

209
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,481
What is this,
Tennessee Ernie Ford?

210
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:14,192
Sam, get out.

211
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:16,527
- Come on.
- All right.

212
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:17,862
Play fair.

213
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:20,782
Play fair?

214
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,243
That's my opinion of the play so far.

215
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,287
But with enough rehearsal,
it might play great.

216
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,833
Okay, let's pick it up.

217
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,421
Oh, oh, golly.

218
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,051
When you kiss someone for serious,
it's kinda scary, ain't it?

219
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:41,761
Yeah, it is.

220
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,514
Wait a minute.

221
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:47,141
I just ordered
two cases of vermouth yesterday.

222
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,726
Sam's crazy.

223
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:04,242
Better make that move, Sammy.
Time's getting short.

224
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,244
No, this is how I like it.

225
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:08,746
Late innings, game on the line.

226
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:12,250
The cool character
steps to center stage.

227
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:15,461
I don't know, Sammy. You seem
to be sweating a little bit up there.

228
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,714
- No, I'm not.
- Yeah, it's okay.

229
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,676
There's nothing wrong with sweating.
I myself have perspired once or twice.

230
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:23,386
We could grow rice.

231
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,310
Oh, watch this, guys.

232
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,936
Say, Rebecca...

233
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,397
Oh, excuse me for a minute.

234
00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:36,357
Caroline, are you all right?

235
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:38,151
You look kind of depressed.

236
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,570
Oh, Sam, it's the same old thing.

237
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:43,614
- What?
- I'm so in love with my boss

238
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,992
and I just can't get him to notice me.

239
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,411
Well, have you tried
kissing him like this?

240
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:56,544
Oh, my God.

241
00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:59,589
That was... That was...

242
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,175
Oh, thank heaven
you showed it to me.

243
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,261
There's no way
anyone could possibly describe it.

244
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:09,682
If I kissed him like that,
he's bound to fall in love with me.

245
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,976
- Bye, Sam.
- Bye-bye.

246
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,270
And you two
have a great honeymoon.

247
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,190
Thank you so much.

248
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:20,902
- Anything to get my disc player back.
- Hey, hey, hey.

249
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,616
By the way, Rebecca,

250
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,036
how are things
between you and your boss?

251
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,663
Anything I can do?

252
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,249
These lips remind you of anything?

253
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:41,005
Yeah, I think the liver
in my freezer's gone bad.

254
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:46,386
What happened?

255
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:49,722
She couldn't possibly have seen
through your little morality play.

256
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:55,103
- Hey.
- What's going on here?

257
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,605
Whatever do you mean?

258
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:01,526
Sam and Woody
are trying desperately to kiss me.

259
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:05,029
Boy, someone's a little
full of herself, isn't she?

260
00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:09,659
Come on, Carla, what's the story here,
one woman to another?

261
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,327
Why would I tell you something

262
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:14,872
about my two closest,
best friends in the whole world?

263
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:17,417
- I'll give you a paid day off.
- They got a bet.

264
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:21,796
They wanna see who could kiss you
by the end of the shift tonight.

265
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:25,049
Why would they do
such an asinine, juvenile thing?

266
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,884
Look at the contestants.

267
00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:30,805
Actually, Woody's doing it
because they were razzing him.

268
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,598
Sam's trying to prove he's still got it.

269
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,559
Other than that, just cheap thrills.

270
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:36,644
Don't tell them I know.

271
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:38,980
Wait a minute.

272
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:42,316
You're not cooking up something
that's gonna humiliate my friends

273
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,068
and make them
look stupid, are you?

274
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,070
- Well, yeah.
- How can I help?

275
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:56,581
Oh, Miss Howe?
Can I ask you a question?

276
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,332
Sure, Woody,
what do you wanna know?

277
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,752
Which key unlocks
the storage room?

278
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:04,130
I don't know. Hold it still.

279
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:07,175
Look carefully. Very carefully.

280
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:10,595
You're getting sleepy.

281
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:12,513
Very sleepy.

282
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,851
- Woody.
- Very, very sleepy.

283
00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,812
You'll do whatever I say.

284
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,149
Woody, go to sleep.

285
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,829
Oh, no, I made her disappear.

286
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,296
To recap,

287
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,632
sitting in the bar today
we have, among others,

288
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,051
a man who is actually simple enough
to hypnotize himself.

289
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:53,596
I'd like to offer the suggestion
that we've seen it all.

290
00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:56,682
Ten-hut!

291
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,312
Happily, I stand corrected.

292
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,442
Well, it's time for me
to be all that I can be.

293
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,907
You enlisted in the Army, you idiot?

294
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:17,119
Hey, we do more by 9 a.m.
than most people do all day.

295
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,706
And that's a selling point to you?

296
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:26,504
Yeah, yeah, I've had a bellyful
of that Ayatollah guy.

297
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,090
Quite frankly, I don't like

298
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:30,883
what's been happening
in the Persian Gulf.

299
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,886
So I'm off to Persia.

300
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,891
I just wanted to shake a few hands,

301
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,978
say goodbye, kiss a few girls
for the last time.

302
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:44,814
Well, baby,

303
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,024
this is goodbye.

304
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:50,820
Yeah, this may be the last time
you ever see this Dogface.

305
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:53,364
You can always
take a gander at this one.

306
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:58,452
Sam, I had no idea
you were this dedicated.

307
00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:01,330
This is a wonderful thing
you're doing for our country.

308
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:02,582
Well, thank you.

309
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,500
Kiss me, Sam. Kiss me.

310
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,672
No, I can't kiss another soldier.
Not after Kevin.

311
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:14,260
- Kevin? Who's Kevin?
- Kevin is my boyfriend in high school.

312
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,179
We loved each other, then he enlisted
in the Army and he never wrote

313
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,265
- and I never saw him again.
- He sounds like a creep.

314
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,726
- Kiss me and make him jealous.
- No, Sam, I'm sorry.

315
00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:26,439
Come home safely, doughboy.

316
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,820
Damn! I mean, what does it take?

317
00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:35,489
Well, maybe you're being too subtle.

318
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:39,035
One hour.

319
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:42,455
I don't think either of you heartthrobs
got the lips to win.

320
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,082
Serves you right if you lose, Sam,
doing all that weird stuff.

321
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:49,128
Me? What about you?
You and that acting routine.

322
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:50,421
You know something, Woody?

323
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:52,214
I'm getting a little sick
and tired of you.

324
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,759
You and your
wholesome farm boy bit.

325
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,594
You're not so dumb.

326
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:58,387
I resent that.

327
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,975
You're just upset
because you're not king of the hill.

328
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,978
Well, that's too bad.
And I'll tell you another thing.

329
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,856
I'm thinking about not writing you
when you're overseas.

330
00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:11,150
Break my heart.

331
00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:15,655
Sam,
can I speak with you a moment?

332
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,031
You sure can.

333
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,794
Sam, I know
what you and Woody are up to.

334
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,004
- I don't know what you're...
- I want you to win.

335
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,298
- What?
- I want you to win.

336
00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:35,841
All right!

337
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:39,136
And they said that I was losing it.

338
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:42,431
Okay, so let's get on
with the dirty deed here.

339
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,517
No, we have to make this
look really natural.

340
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,602
Otherwise they'll think
the kiss is a setup.

341
00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:49,188
Kiss? Oh, sweetheart, no,
someone misled you there.

342
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:51,107
We're supposed to sleep together.

343
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,319
- You're trying my patience.
- All right.

344
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,530
A kiss, a kiss. Okay.

345
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,281
So how do you wanna do this?

346
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,659
All right, here's the plan.
You go home and change.

347
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:03,285
And I'll tell the others I'm really beat

348
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:05,871
and I have to go in
and take a nap in my office.

349
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,248
And you come back and wake me.

350
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:10,418
And I'll act like I'm having
this really erotic dream

351
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,712
and give you
this long, passionate kiss.

352
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,297
Oh, God, I love it. I love this.

353
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,508
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

354
00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:20,010
Carla's supposed to witness this.

355
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:21,178
Okay, bring her along.

356
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:23,431
And then I'll spit
and rinse my mouth out

357
00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:24,932
to make it look really legit.

358
00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:26,934
Nice touch. Nice touch.

359
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,439
Yeah, so long there.

360
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:34,024
Oh, wait a minute.
What have you got on your lips there?

361
00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:35,359
No one.

362
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:41,907
Can I talk to you a minute?

363
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,410
Listen, I know what you
and Sam are up to,

364
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,412
and I want you to win.

365
00:20:53,127 --> 00:20:55,212
- Hey, Cliff ie.
- Hi, Sam.

366
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:58,048
- Where is everybody?
- Most have gone home.

367
00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,801
Carla's in the back.
Rebecca's asleep in her office.

368
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:03,512
- Rebecca asleep?
- Yeah.

369
00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:06,557
She said she was up late last night
doing the books or something.

370
00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:09,393
No, wait, she said she wanted me
to wake her up right about now.

371
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,104
- Better go do that.
- Oh, no, no, that's my job.

372
00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:16,317
Wanna help me here, Carla?

373
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:50,601
<i>Sammy and Woody, sitting in a tree</i>

374
00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:53,896
<i>K-I-S-S-I-N-G!</i>

375
00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:56,899
You were supposed
to be Miss Howe.

376
00:21:57,066 --> 00:21:58,859
That's a rotten thing you did.

377
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:01,737
Don't talk to me about rotten,
what about this kissing nonsense?

378
00:22:01,904 --> 00:22:04,073
Yeah, that's different.
There's money involved.

379
00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:09,411
Well, I am gonna say this once
and once only,

380
00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:12,581
I am a person who cannot be used.

381
00:22:14,208 --> 00:22:15,501
Now, if you'll excuse me,

382
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:18,462
I've got to drive Mr. Drake's valet
to the airport.

383
00:22:25,219 --> 00:22:26,971
Call me a romantic,

384
00:22:27,137 --> 00:22:29,682
but I always knew
you two would end up together.

385
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:35,813
I can't believe I kissed you.

386
00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:39,149
You're lucky
I don't punch your lights out, man.

387
00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:42,987
- Yeah, you and what army?
- Hey, guys. Come on, now.

388
00:22:43,571 --> 00:22:47,575
Relax. Jeez, you guys.
You were tricked. It's no big deal.

389
00:22:48,325 --> 00:22:52,079
I mean, you're such good friends.
You mean a lot to each other.

390
00:22:52,246 --> 00:22:55,040
I mean, don't walk away mad.
Come on, kiss and make up.

391
00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:01,505
Remember, you both owe me
a big wet one.

392
00:23:19,607 --> 00:23:23,444
I couldn't stay mad at you, Sam.
You're just like a brother to me.

393
00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:28,157
Yeah, and if anyone ever does
knock off the king around here,

394
00:23:28,824 --> 00:23:30,576
I guess I hope it's you, man.

395
00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:33,412
- No hard feelings?
- No hard feelings.

396
00:23:35,331 --> 00:23:38,459
Sam, now that everything's okay,
can I ask you something guy to guy?

397
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:39,835
Yeah, sure.

398
00:23:41,337 --> 00:23:42,504
How was I?

399
00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:49,803
Oh, don't do that.

400
00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:51,972
No, I mean, it's a question
you can't ask a girl.

401
00:23:52,139 --> 00:23:53,891
I mean, is there anything
I need to work on?

402
00:23:54,058 --> 00:23:56,477
No, I don't wanna talk
about this, man.

403
00:23:58,270 --> 00:24:00,981
Well, I was nervous,
so I might have been a little dry.

404
00:24:01,148 --> 00:24:02,775
Oh, yuck! Yuck!

405
00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:04,693
No, I'm serious, Sam.

406
00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:06,528
Hey, do you wanna know
how you were?