1
00:00:01,376 --> 00:00:04,171
Cheers <i>is filmed
before a live studio audience.</i>

2
00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:09,259
Yeah, it's just a hop, skip and
a jump from the office to the Ginza.

3
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:11,678
Look who just slithered in.

4
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:15,474
The corporate cobras,
featuring Evan "The Snake" Drake.

5
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:19,269
- I'm all right, how are you?
- Okay.

6
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:20,979
Rebecca, I gotta use
the phone here.

7
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,982
Oh, you're a phone person too.
So am I.

8
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,443
Isn't it amazing
how much we have in common?

9
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:28,070
Thanks.

10
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:30,906
Hey, you know that Drake guy?

11
00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:32,991
He's probably the kind of bloke

12
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:36,620
that has his knuckle hair
removed with electrolysis.

13
00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:38,830
He's probably got one of those
electronic zappers

14
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:41,959
that he uses to forestall
his receding hairline.

15
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:45,963
And I bet you a dime to doughnuts
that he has this loofah

16
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:49,049
and he rubs himself raw
to get rid of his cellulite.

17
00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:55,847
Well, it was in last month's
<i>Soldier of Fortune,</i> okay?

18
00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,386
Sam, listen.
Don't you find it interesting

19
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,597
that of all the fine restaurants
in Boston to dine,

20
00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:21,642
that Evan should repeatedly dine
at Melville's, right upstairs

21
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,061
from where I can be found
every day of the week?

22
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:27,648
No, no. But I do find it interesting
that your button's undone there

23
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,983
and your bra
has a little bow in the middle.

24
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:37,699
So, what, you think the big guy's
finally coming around, huh?

25
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:40,118
No, he's in there using my phone.

26
00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:44,414
Can't you see?
Since his divorce became final,

27
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:46,708
he uses all of his spare time
to be around me.

28
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,836
He's in my office right now
sitting in my chair,

29
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:54,800
his lips just inches from
the mouthpiece that I use every day.

30
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,136
You're right. I'm an idiot.

31
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,015
Excuse me, Rebecca, can we talk?

32
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,809
Excuse me, Sam,
I'm being beckoned.

33
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:06,895
Listen, if this is what you think it is,

34
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,897
- can I give you some advice?
- What?

35
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:11,358
If you're gonna make an ass
of yourself, take it outside.

36
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,861
- I'm not gonna make an ass of myself.
- All right.

37
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,701
I was just getting it out of my system.

38
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,956
- You wanted to talk to me, Mr. Drake?
- Yes, yes.

39
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:28,458
We could talk over here.
Let's sit down here, okay?

40
00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,169
Thank you.

41
00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:34,923
Well, this conversation
is long overdue.

42
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:37,968
I couldn't agree more,
with all my heart.

43
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,096
You don't know what I'm gonna say.

44
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:43,890
Well, I agree again.

45
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:48,770
Something very exciting
is happening to me.

46
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,897
It's gonna change my whole life.
It's a huge risk.

47
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,191
Take it. Take it.

48
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:56,069
I'm moving to Tokyo
and taking over the Japanese division.

49
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:59,072
- I leave tonight.
- Yes, darling, yes.

50
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:08,039
I told her to take that outside.

51
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:19,342
I don't believe it.
Everything was going so well.

52
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:22,721
Then everything went so black.

53
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,850
Oh, don't worry about it.
Women faint all the time.

54
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,770
Well, in cartoons, they do.

55
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,690
Do you think he noticed?

56
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,445
Yes, yes, I think he did.

57
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,782
He said that every time he sees you,

58
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,367
you do something
more bizarre than the time before.

59
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,995
What did you say?

60
00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:49,080
Well, honey, I had to agree.

61
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,836
He is leaving
for Japan tonight forever,

62
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:58,048
and I never got to tell him how I feel.

63
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,884
Well, heck...
No, wait. You know, listen.

64
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:03,136
Why don't you tell him
at the goodbye party?

65
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,096
What goodbye party?

66
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,848
The one you're gonna throw
for him tonight.

67
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,433
Listen, it's a great idea.

68
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,977
I'll make it a Japanese theme.

69
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,939
Yeah, yeah.
We'll have chips and cheese.

70
00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:20,153
Sam, I will never have Mr. Drake.

71
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,614
I will never have any man.
I will just dry up,

72
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:25,492
crumble into dust and blow away.

73
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,246
Oh, come on.
That doesn't sound like you.

74
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:32,999
That sounds like some lovesick,
self-pitying, whiny...

75
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,335
No, that's you, all right.

76
00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:39,673
But I am not gonna let you give up.

77
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,509
What do you care?
What does anybody care?

78
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:46,888
Listen, I pride myself in being
a connoisseur of beautiful babes,

79
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:51,560
and I'll tell you, I'm not gonna sit by
and watch a great woman like you

80
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:55,939
going to waste. It's like
a thoroughbred pulling a milk wagon.

81
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:58,275
It's like a rare wine

82
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,986
pulling a milk wagon.

83
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,740
Sam, I can't tell him.

84
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:08,368
Oh, please, please,
do this for me, will you?

85
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,371
I've been watching this sappy movie
for God knows how long.

86
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,999
I wanna see if the girl gets the guy.

87
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:19,129
If only once I'd ever had any little bit
of encouragement from him.

88
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:23,425
Some teeny, tiny shred of evidence
that he even knew I existed.

89
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:27,220
Well, he did express some concern
while you were out cold there.

90
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,015
Oh, yeah, I bet. What did he say?

91
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,976
"Gee, I hope she's not dead."

92
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,062
He did?

93
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:41,526
Oh, God. And all this time I thought
maybe I was kidding myself.

94
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:51,828
<i>For he's a jolly good fellow</i>

95
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:54,247
<i>That nobody can deny</i>

96
00:06:57,459 --> 00:07:00,879
That's a perfect illustration
of life's bitter irony, isn't it?

97
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,466
Well, how's that, Cliff? I mean,
would you pass the beer nuts?

98
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:09,846
There's a guy like Drake,
gets a fabulous job...

99
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:12,515
Hey, time to make your move.

100
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:17,771
Come on, he's had a couple of drinks,
his resistance is down.

101
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:22,067
He's feeling all warm, sentimental.

102
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:23,944
Hell, I think I'll tell him I love him.

103
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,445
All right, all right.

104
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,619
Mr. Drake?

105
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:35,163
- Hello, Rebecca.
- Hi.

106
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,251
- You're not gonna faint, are you?
- Oh, no. No, I'm fine.

107
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:44,089
I just thought that this might be
a good opportunity to tell you

108
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:45,674
- something that I've...
- Ms. Howe,

109
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,467
may I speak with you
for a moment, please?

110
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,427
- Carla, can it wait?
- I don't think so.

111
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,429
It's kind of a woman's problem.

112
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,682
- Leave those to the experts.
- But I...

113
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:57,686
- What, what, what?
- Look, I wouldn't have butted in,

114
00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:00,897
but I know that tonight
is your last chance to tell the boss

115
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,858
you got a case of
the screaming-thigh sweats for him.

116
00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,029
How did you know that?

117
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:10,699
Woody put out a special edition
of the newsletter.

118
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,993
Why didn't I just write it
on the bathroom wall?

119
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,536
I'm way ahead of you.

120
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:16,705
Anyway, look,

121
00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:19,207
I've been down this road
a few times myself,

122
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,583
and take it from a pro,

123
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,293
there is one thing
you always have to do

124
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,546
- before you tell a guy you love him.
- What's that?

125
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,589
Lose the moustache.

126
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,727
Mr. Drake?
There's something that I...

127
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,145
- Evan?
- Yes?

128
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:43,565
- We're gonna miss you at corporate.
- Yeah, you take care.

129
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:44,816
Anyway, Mr. Drake,

130
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:46,901
- there's something...
- Here you go, Mr. Drake.

131
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:48,862
Oh, thank you. Thank you, Woody.

132
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:52,365
Damn, I changed
all my American money into yen.

133
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,200
I don't have a tip for you. I'm sorry.

134
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,536
That's okay, Mr. Drake.
I don't need a tip from you.

135
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:59,539
- Okay.
- Cheap, cheap, cheap.

136
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,043
- Mr. Drake, as I was about...
- Hey, hold on.

137
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,836
Woody, Woody,
come here a second.

138
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:07,964
I've got these company courtside
tickets to the Celtics-Laker game.

139
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:11,051
- Will you take those in lieu of a tip?
- Yes, sir.

140
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,720
I hope you'll forget
about that "cheap" crack.

141
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,723
What "cheap" crack?

142
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,558
You're a prince.

143
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,232
Anyway, Mr. Drake,
I've wanted to tell you something

144
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,817
for a really long time.

145
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:30,111
Hold on now, you two,
let's get a picture. Smile.

146
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:35,241
I just hate those flashbulbs,
don't you, Mr. Drake?

147
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:37,869
Mr. Drake?

148
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:42,916
These are some
USDA prime tickets here.

149
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,918
So who's going with you?

150
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,961
Oh, gee, I don't know.

151
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:49,798
Well, I think the obvious choice
would be me, Woody.

152
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,759
I mean, Cliff here is always
making fun that you're a yokel,

153
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,512
whereas I completely ignore
the fact that you're a yokel.

154
00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:03,186
Mr. Drake, I...
No, Evan. I'll call him Evan.

155
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:08,525
Evan, I'm a man,
you're a woman. I... No, no, no.

156
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:12,362
Did you get lucky?

157
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,532
I'm sorry.

158
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:20,203
The important thing, Mr. Drake,
is that I finally have you alone

159
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,997
- so I can tell you what...
- Pardon me, Mr. Drake.

160
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:25,375
We have to leave now
if you're gonna make your plane.

161
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,585
- Oh, yeah. Thanks, Martin.
- But, Mr. Drake,

162
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:30,046
- I've gotta tell you...
- Rebecca, hold the thought.

163
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,257
Better yet, telex it, okay?

164
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:33,466
Goodbye, Rebecca.

165
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,766
Hold that drink for me, babe.

166
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,032
Sweetheart, sweetheart, he's gone.

167
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:00,326
You gotta go on with your life now.

168
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,871
I mean, you gotta pick up the pieces

169
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,957
and start behaving
like a mature person.

170
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,087
Well, now you're cooking. All right.

171
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:14,382
Excuse me. Mr. Drake
seems to have forgotten his topcoat.

172
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:18,011
Tell him it's hanging
on the coat rack.

173
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:22,765
I believe Mr. Drake's topcoat

174
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:26,978
is in the topcoat closet.

175
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,855
- Sam, I said the...
- Yeah.

176
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:33,067
Yes, we keep all of our executive
topcoats in this closet right here.

177
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:37,947
It's way in the back there.
Way, way in the back.

178
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,366
Oh, watch the hat there.
Watch the hat.

179
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,994
There do not appear
to be any topcoats here.

180
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,496
My mistake.

181
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,166
Isn't there a light switch?

182
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,418
Does anyone have a key
here for this closet?

183
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:53,338
I'm afraid we're gonna have
to make a key there. Can you hold on?

184
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:54,714
Yeah. Make it quick.

185
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,383
Oh, dear. Martin seems to be
locked in the closet there.

186
00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,053
Does anyone know
how to drive a limo around here?

187
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,805
Well, I've driven a tractor,
can't be that different.

188
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:08,353
No, Woody, when I said "anyone,'
I meant Rebecca.

189
00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:11,231
Well, in the future, Sam,
you might try using

190
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:14,984
a little something that's popular
back in Indiana called "direct address."

191
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:19,697
I'm sorry.

192
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,991
Sam, forget it.
I'm gonna let that man out of there.

193
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,868
Hey, don't give up. Don't give up.

194
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,370
What do you want me to do?

195
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,330
You want me to masquerade
as a chauffeur?

196
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,582
Get him alone on the highway

197
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,043
and tell the man
I wanna have his babies?

198
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,923
Martin, I'll be getting that key now.

199
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,606
I love you, Mr. Drake.

200
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,024
There, I said it.

201
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,528
I love you.

202
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:01,990
I love you more than anyone
I've ever loved in my whole life.

203
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:06,202
I love you more than any woman
has ever loved a man.

204
00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:09,455
Mr. Drake?

205
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,083
Hello?

206
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,628
Oh, God.

207
00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:20,049
Rebecca?

208
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,010
What are you doing up there?
Where's Martin?

209
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,596
Martin got sick
looking for your topcoat, sir,

210
00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,765
so I'll be driving you to the airport.

211
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,477
I appreciate that
if it's not too much trouble.

212
00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:39,027
Anyway, now that I've got you
alone here, Mr. Drake,

213
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:41,821
the real reason
I'm filling in for Martin

214
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:45,199
is so that I could tell you
what I wanted to tell you all night.

215
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:50,330
What I've been trying to tell you
since the first time I met you.

216
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,916
Get off my tail, scuzzball!

217
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:59,380
Mr. Drake, with all my heart...

218
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,883
Could you turn right
at the next corner here, Rebecca?

219
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,385
- We have to pick up Christy.
- Oh, yes, sir.

220
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,846
Mr. Drake, with all my heart...

221
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,140
Christy?

222
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:12,352
Yes, she's the young lady
who's accompanying me to Japan.

223
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:18,107
Accompanying
in the modern sense of the word?

224
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:21,069
Yeah, you might say so.
She's a very special woman.

225
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:24,822
Very upfront. Aggressive, even.

226
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,284
You know, the first time we met
a few months ago,

227
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:31,329
she was the one
who actually asked me out.

228
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:33,956
God, that's refreshing.

229
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,044
Anyway,

230
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,464
you wanted to ask me something?

231
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:44,842
Oh, yes, sir.
I just wanted to tell you that...

232
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,516
That this is
really a lot of car to handle.

233
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:57,188
I can't believe I have the strength
to keep from swerving

234
00:14:57,355 --> 00:15:00,316
into the oncoming traffic
and killing us both.

235
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:09,826
- Sammy.
- Yeah?

236
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:12,078
- Mind if I ask you a question?
- No, go ahead.

237
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,205
I've been trying to figure out
your strategy.

238
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:16,457
You know, I've always admired you

239
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:19,585
for being sort of a selfish,
egotistical pig.

240
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,170
Why, thank you, Carla.

241
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:24,882
Suddenly, you're locking
chauffeurs in closets

242
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:27,385
and giving going-away parties. It's like

243
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:28,761
you're bending over backwards

244
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,348
to help boss Howe score
with mega-boss Drake.

245
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:38,688
This kind of self-sacrifice
isn't like you, and it's scaring me.

246
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:42,316
Please, please, tell me you have
some sleazy ulterior motive.

247
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,360
Fear not, little one.

248
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:50,324
- So you don't think they'll make it?
- No, I wanna bring this thing to a boil

249
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:55,538
so when it blows up I can swoop in
and gather up the pieces.

250
00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:57,790
I call it my vulture position.

251
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,879
Sammy? You've got Wessonality.

252
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,840
Thanks.

253
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,134
Hey, hey, hey, huh?
How about that?

254
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,802
According to vulture time,

255
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:13,639
I bet that's my wounded
little sparrow right now.

256
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,893
Hello? Hi, Rebecca.

257
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,814
Okay, can you hold
one second, please?

258
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,901
Quote, "Sam, I need
your help," unquote.

259
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:28,196
Yeah, I'm taking off right now.

260
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,579
Here we go. Here we go.

261
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:38,498
Why don't you go on in
and sit down there?

262
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:39,832
Here you go.

263
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,376
There we go.

264
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:56,724
Do you feel like
you can talk about it yet?

265
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,689
Thank you for bailing me out of jail.

266
00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,069
Anytime.

267
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:11,781
God, this has been
the worst night of my life.

268
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,784
Of anybody's life.

269
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:18,538
I pour out my heart and soul
to the man I love,

270
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:21,874
then he tells me he's taking
someone else across the globe.

271
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,502
I hate guys like that.

272
00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:30,174
And she's really cute, Sam.

273
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,553
And they made out in the back seat.

274
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:37,348
And he didn't even
roll up the window.

275
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,476
The man is a pig.

276
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,774
I tried not to look,

277
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:50,027
but the rear-view mirror was
just huge, and I couldn't help it.

278
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:52,905
And then I got so upset,

279
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:56,492
I just wrapped the company limo
around a 7-Eleven.

280
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:02,582
Well, that is dreadful.
Very, very, very sad.

281
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,543
And then Evan and his cheap,

282
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:09,005
imitation-geisha bimbo whore
grabbed a taxi...

283
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,968
...while I had to stand there
and wait for a tow truck.

284
00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:16,804
And then this cop came along

285
00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:20,224
and he asked me
to see my chauffeur's license.

286
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,227
God, if only I'd had one.

287
00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:27,565
Or if only I'd remembered to bring
my purse with my own driver's license.

288
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:32,278
Or if only I'd resisted arrest
and he'd just shot me dead.

289
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:48,711
Well, maybe I ought
to leave you alone now.

290
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:55,801
By yourself, with some music,
with your depression.

291
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:57,887
Alone.

292
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:03,851
Sam, can I offer you
a cup of coffee or olives?

293
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:09,148
I didn't have a chance
to go to the grocery store.

294
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:14,362
I just kind of
don't wanna be alone right now.

295
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:17,823
Then you shouldn't be.
You need consolation now.

296
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,326
And warmth.

297
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:23,746
Lots and lots of warmth.

298
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:35,925
You know, Sam, I don't have
anything sexual in mind,

299
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:37,927
I just need a shoulder to cry on.

300
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:41,389
Oh, honey, you cry
on anything you want.

301
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:50,981
Gee, Sam, what I needed
right now was a friend.

302
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,860
And you're the best friend
I have in the whole world.

303
00:19:56,570 --> 00:20:00,616
No, you got plenty of friends.
What, girlfriends, maybe?

304
00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:02,451
Old college friends?

305
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:06,580
No, I've kind of grown apart
from my old friends,

306
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:10,543
and I haven't had a chance to make
new ones, with work and everything.

307
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:14,964
Well, that just leaves...

308
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:16,882
Yeah, you.

309
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,261
I'm your best friend?

310
00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:22,888
Crazy, huh?

311
00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:28,310
I really think I ought to go.

312
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,938
Sam, why?

313
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:36,402
I like you. I mean, there's not anything
I wouldn't do for you in the world,

314
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,113
but I know what's gonna happen
if I stay here.

315
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,283
Well, you're gonna cry some more
and I'll comfort you some more

316
00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:43,951
and the next thing you know,

317
00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:46,412
your pantyhose
will be hanging from a lamp.

318
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,375
Sam, please don't go.

319
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:54,170
Hey, I can't be trusted.

320
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:55,838
Trust me.

321
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:01,635
Let me just leave here now
as a friend, please.

322
00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:05,556
Oh, I'm sorry, I...

323
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:15,858
Listen, I wanna try this.

324
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:22,239
For the sake of our friendship, I am
just gonna resist my sexual urges,

325
00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:24,742
and that's all there is to it.
Now, come here.

326
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,204
There. All right.

327
00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:30,956
All right. Now...

328
00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:36,086
You know that I loved Evan Drake
since the first time I met him.

329
00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:39,048
I'm sorry, this is not working.
Hot fire below.

330
00:22:26,887 --> 00:22:27,972
- Hello?
- Hi.

331
00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:30,474
Listen. if this is what it takes
to be a friend,

332
00:22:30,641 --> 00:22:32,309
then I really wanna
give it a shot, okay?

333
00:22:32,977 --> 00:22:36,146
So we got all evening here.
Pour your heart out.

334
00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:40,776
- Where are you?
- I'm downstairs at a payphone.

335
00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:44,905
But just pretend like I'm right there
beside you, all right?

336
00:22:45,489 --> 00:22:48,158
- Thanks, Sam.
- Yeah, you're welcome.

337
00:22:49,535 --> 00:22:50,953
Well,

338
00:22:52,121 --> 00:22:58,002
as you know, I have loved Evan Drake
since the first time I saw him.

339
00:22:58,168 --> 00:22:59,503
Yeah, I know.

340
00:23:00,504 --> 00:23:03,132
Sam, this is silly. Get up here.

341
00:23:04,091 --> 00:23:05,634
Sam, you know
what I've been through.

342
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:07,469
You're not gonna
take advantage of me.

343
00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:09,305
Oh, yeah?

344
00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:13,309
Do me a favor, will you?

345
00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:14,643
Check your bra.

346
00:23:19,690 --> 00:23:21,317
How did you do that?