1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:04,213
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,631 --> 00:00:07,341
Woody, I have a lot
of work to do here.
3
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,176
So please make sure
I'm not disturbed.
4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:10,719
Yes, ma'am.
5
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,266
Yes?
6
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,018
Miss Howe?
7
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:19,978
You want me to hold
business and personal calls?
8
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:21,188
Yes.
9
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:22,773
You got it.
10
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:29,988
Yes?
11
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:31,490
Miss Howe?
12
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:35,202
What if it's an emergency
or something only you can handle?
13
00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:38,789
Woody, I'm turning the bar over to you.
I have complete confidence.
14
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Yes?
15
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,677
Miss Howe?
16
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,555
I want you to know how much I appreciate
your confidence In me.
17
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I won't let you down.
18
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Woody, I'm trying to
get some work done here,
19
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and you're driving me crazy!
Now get out of here and leave me alone!
20
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:25,252
I'm sorry, Miss Howe.
21
00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:10,213
Hey, Fras, new briefcase?
22
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No, it's my new portable
cellular telephone.
23
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The answer to every busy
therapist's prayers.
24
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,136
You see, with this I can instantly
25
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,264
get in touch with my patients in crisis.
Who knows how many lives it may save?
26
00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:21,767
- It looks cool, too.
- Doesn't it?
27
00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:24,686
Excuse me.
28
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,231
Oh, jeez.
29
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,776
I seem to have forgotten
the combination.
30
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:34,696
I was certain I programmed
Lilith's birthday
31
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so I'd remember it.
32
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,742
Oh, no.
33
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,078
My birthday.
34
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:44,623
Frasier, it's getting a little annoying.
35
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:46,708
Yeah, of course.
36
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,669
Freud's birthday!
37
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,589
Hello? Cheers.
38
00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:57,386
- Two drafts, Sam.
- Coming right up.
39
00:02:57,552 --> 00:03:00,681
- Shouldn't you be on your way to the airport?
- No, Eddie called from Louisville.
40
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,016
He said the performers' plane
was gonna be a little late,
41
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,852
- so he'd meet me here.
- He must be getting excited, huh?
42
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,689
I thought that ice show would never
get back to Boston.
43
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,982
It has been tough.
44
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,735
He misses me, you know.
The kids miss him,
45
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,613
not to mention that I happen
to be at my sexual peak.
46
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,615
You've been there
since you were 12.
47
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:22,160
When you find a place you like,
why leave lt?
48
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,455
Answer the damn phone!
49
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,958
Sorry, sorry.
50
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,753
Oh, wait! Jung's address!
51
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,716
Ah, finally.
52
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,676
Hello.
53
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,886
No, there is no Itzak here.
54
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,016
Woody, here are your tickets.
55
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,601
Tickets? All right!
56
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,103
Company season tickets.
57
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,564
Patriots-Dolphins tonight.
Two on the 40-yard line.
58
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,233
Thanks, Miss Howe.
59
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,444
You know, you are the greatest
boss I ever had.
60
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,237
Ahem!
61
00:03:57,404 --> 00:04:00,323
I mean... you're the prettiest boss
I ever had.
62
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,200
Ahem!
63
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,286
I mean, thanks.
64
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:08,123
So, uh, Woodster,
what time are we leaving, bud?
65
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:11,001
Mr. Peterson, you'd be interested
in going to something like this?
66
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:12,711
- Yeah.
- Wait-t-t-t-t.
67
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,755
Fair is fair.
68
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:19,009
Woody, didn't I Invite you
to a very special occasion just last week?
69
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:22,053
That's right, Mr. Clavin.
I sure did enjoy that garage sale.
70
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,931
Excuse me, but why do I seem
to have been automatically excluded?
71
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,684
- You have to go home to your wife.
- What about your wife?
72
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:30,145
You can't be this dense
with your patients.
73
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:35,066
Hey, Carla, I'm back!
74
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,319
- Hey! Eddie!
- Everybody!
75
00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:40,447
Not here. Everybody's watching.
Excuse me. I'll be right back.
76
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,282
I just got to show
Eddie something.
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00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,634
Aw, gee, It's good
to be home.
78
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,719
Give me a beer, Sam.
79
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:04,888
- Here.
- Thanks, Sam.
80
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,516
Ah! A charm bracelet.
81
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,142
From Cincinnati.
82
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,019
Yeah. There's a little beer stein,
83
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,604
little bowl of sauerkraut,
84
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:14,981
and Pete Rose's head.
85
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,485
Ooh, Carla, can I borrow it?
86
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:21,071
Fat chance.
87
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,573
- This better not turn my wrist green.
- No.
88
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:24,866
Hey.
89
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,952
- Hey, buddy.
- How's the show doing?
90
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:30,539
Terrific. We signed a new headliner--
Franzi Schrempf.
91
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,541
Oh! You mean the East German
gold medalist?
92
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,168
That's her.
She's joining the show here in Boston.
93
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:38,296
Sure would like to meet her
without having to go to that stupid ice show.
94
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,548
You may be In luck, Norm,
95
00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:42,968
because I invited her and some of the cast
to drop by here later.
96
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:46,429
She is amazing.
She actually grabs the blade
97
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:49,182
and touches the back of her head with it.
98
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,476
Can you do this?
99
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:58,316
Hey, are the kids home? I haven't talked to them
since I got back. I wanted to give them a call.
100
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:01,820
Oh, yeah, go ahead. Just make sure
you identify yourself by name.
101
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:04,447
Just saying "it's Dad" leaves
too much room for confusion.
102
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:08,743
You know, Carla, according to
The Weekly Gabber,
103
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:12,414
This Franzi Schrempf has affairs
with every man she's worked with.
104
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,791
I'm telling you,
she's a man-eater.
105
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:18,545
Look, Clavin, I'm not worried,
so just shut up.
106
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:22,507
There's a lot of things wrong with Eddie,
but I know I can trust him.
107
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:24,467
We've been married
for over a year now,
108
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:28,471
and not once in that entire time
has his eye wandered.
109
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,057
Well, his good eye.
110
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I'm talking completely over her head.
111
00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:36,187
I mean she must be
triple-jointed or something.
112
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,356
Hey, Eddie, come here.
113
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:41,568
I was just laughing about
something stupid Cliff said.
114
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:45,780
He says that this Franzi
has a thing for the men she works with,
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00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:49,576
says she changes lovers more times
than most people change socks.
116
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:53,204
I don't have anything to worry about
with you in that area, do I?
117
00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:57,208
No, honey, not at all.
I put a fresh pair on this morning.
118
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,087
Hey, here she ls!
119
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:05,383
Everybody... I want you to meet
Franzi Schrempf.
120
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:10,764
Welcome to the bar, Franzi.
We're all-- well, we're big fans of yours.
121
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,724
- Thank you.
- We were just wondering,
122
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,352
Now that you're here in Boston,
what are your plans?
123
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:16,603
Well, while I'm here,
124
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,563
I would like to wear
blue jeans,
125
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,231
see a Tom Cruise movie,
126
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:21,608
and eat a Big Mac.
127
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:24,194
Sexy, dumb, and a cheap date.
128
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,825
Well, in the spirit of détente,
129
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:33,828
I wouldn't mind having some arms talks
with Franzi.
130
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,874
I'd like to see her try to control my arms.
131
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:43,129
I wouldn't object to a little mutual
on-site inspection.
132
00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:46,383
See what kind of payload she can deliver.
133
00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:48,677
Produce missiles in Western Europe?
134
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,312
Hey, Sam...
135
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,147
- She is something, eh?
- Yeah.
136
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,275
You know, if I was younger,
taller, handsomer...
137
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:07,946
and had a brain in my head,
I never would've started this sentence.
138
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,407
You think she's pretty,
don't you.
139
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:14,202
Well, yeah, if you're into looks,
which I'm not.
140
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:18,164
- Just don't get any ideas.
- ideas?
141
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,333
Franzi doesn't even know I exist.
142
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,836
Eddie, do you have a light?
143
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:27,382
You know, I'm sort of the host here tonight.
I'd better take care of this.
144
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:34,431
Yep! Paper covers rock,
and the mailman goes to the Patriots' game.
145
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:38,309
That is absurd. You're telling me
that if I took my rock and hurled it,
146
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:40,562
it wouldn't smash right through that
puny piece of paper?
147
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,772
Oh, will you come on!
You're just crying baby shoes
148
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,190
'cause you're not going to the game.
149
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,067
- Baby shoes?
- Children! children!
150
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:48,737
There's a much more fairer way
to decide this. Now,
151
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,531
foot race to the corner and back!
The winner goes to the game!
152
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,742
False start!
153
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,494
I'm running this race
under protest!
154
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:04,419
Carla, I don't think you have
anything to worry about with Eddie.
155
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:07,547
I don't know.
I get this sense of doom.
156
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,340
Maybe it's intuition.
157
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,886
Maybe it's the fact that every
time Eddie gets excited,
158
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,846
he starts sweating like a ditch digger.
159
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:20,894
Mom? You'll never believe this.
160
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:24,105
I'm calling you from a briefcase.
161
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:25,690
Yeah.
162
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,859
Say, Franzi,
163
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,820
you know, I was just thinking,
seeing how you're new in town,
164
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,405
how about I show you our fair city?
165
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,200
I do not think so. We have just met.
166
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,285
That's not proper in my country.
167
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,205
- I drive a 'Vette.
- I drive a Porsche.
168
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:43,374
Oh, well, maybe we could race sometime.
169
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:51,841
Say, congratulations, Mr. Peterson.
You're the winner.
170
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,968
Put it on my headstone.
171
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,433
Well, congratulations, Norm.
172
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,560
You won the first leg
of our triathlon.
173
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,229
Now, on to the...
174
00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,481
Now on to the biking
and swimming portions.
175
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,567
Anybody know this guy?
176
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:12,195
We found him face down
at the top of the steps.
177
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,573
Never saw him before.
178
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,743
Oh, hey, Mr. Peterson, we better hurry,
or we're gonna miss the kickoff.
179
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,703
What? Get out of here.
180
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,873
- Come on! We got to run!
- No, no.
181
00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:26,543
Woody! No, man! Woody!
182
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:34,843
Excuse me. I think the guy on the steps
would like something to drink.
183
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,681
We don't do take-out.
184
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:46,146
Hey, uh, Franzi,
what's the matter?
185
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,356
Sammy doesn't
spin your propeller?
186
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,234
He's rude, crude,
and very stupid.
187
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,863
I guess all the sweet,
simple guys are taken.
188
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,448
Don't you forget it.
189
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:05,206
Say, I'll bet with all that skating,
you get pretty sore muscles.
190
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:06,583
Have you ever experienced
191
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:10,253
Sammy's all-American
deep muscle massage?
192
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:13,965
Have you ever experienced
knowing when to quit?
193
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,678
Are you sure
you're not from around here?
194
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,597
- Eddie?
- Yes.
195
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:24,434
Would you be so kind
to give me a lift back to the hotel?
196
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:26,227
Oh, sure, Franzi,
anything.
197
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,815
You're so sweet.
198
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:35,695
Well, there he goes, Carla.
199
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,864
Don't say I didn't warn you.
200
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:47,290
You've got to give her credit.
She didn't say it.
201
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,054
Say, eh, Rebecca,
202
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,973
was it a big hassle getting those
company tickets for Woody?
203
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,434
- No.
- Can you get some for me?
204
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:07,769
No.
205
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:10,813
I get it. Employees only, huh?
206
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,398
No.
207
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,026
Gotcha, can't go to the well too often.
208
00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:16,527
No.
209
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,571
Then you just don't want
to get 'em for me?
210
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:19,822
Yes.
211
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:22,450
No harm in asking.
212
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,999
Man, what is with these East German babes?
213
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:33,586
All week long, I've been trying--
phone calls, flowers, the whole thing.
214
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:34,837
What am I doing wrong?
215
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:38,716
Well, Sam, I see no alternative.
You're just gonna have to become a communist.
216
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:42,011
What do you do? You apply
for a membership or something?
217
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,723
I cannot believe my ears.
218
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:46,891
What?
219
00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:49,394
We're not talking
about the Moose Lodge here.
220
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,354
You're talking communists,
221
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:55,066
the most reprehensible perpetrators
of social and economic oppression
222
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,735
ever known to mankind.
I mean, they brainwash you,
223
00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:59,862
they put you to work
in some tractor factory.
224
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:03,074
And as for your creature
comforts, forget it.
225
00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:09,706
Yeah, but the stuff you had before you joined
is still your stuff, am I right?
226
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,546
Ordering.
227
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,299
What are you ordering, Carla?
228
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:22,218
I forget.
229
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,721
You know where to reach me.
230
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,683
Carla, are you preoccupied
with something?
231
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,020
You don't still think
232
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:34,314
Eddie's messing around
with Franzi, do you?
233
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,024
I have my suspicions.
234
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,900
Well, what evidence do you have?
235
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,694
I'll tell you what I have.
236
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,738
I have nothing!
237
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,075
That was the one good thing about Nick.
With Nick, I always knew for sure.
238
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,952
- How?
- He told me.
239
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,123
I mean, Nick used to stick
polaroids in the family album.
240
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:58,463
Carla, you don't have anything
to worry about. I'm telling you,
241
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:01,174
Franzi would ever date anyone
from that crummy ice show.
242
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:02,800
I can't believe that dame!
243
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:05,595
She said she can't see me because
she's fallen for some guy in the Ice show.
244
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,972
Carla, she's probably just saying that
245
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:10,183
because she wants
to get Sam to quit bugging her.
246
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,852
I'll have to
remember that one.
247
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:18,524
No, she's dating somebody all right.
Get a load of this little tidbit of gossip.
248
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,819
"One international skating star was seen
spooling spaghetti
249
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,447
with a short, dark,
melon-faced companion."
250
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:25,865
Eddie!
251
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,993
Oh, come on, Carla.
"Short, dark, melon-faced"?
252
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,620
I mean, that could be
anybody in the show.
253
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,706
I guess that explains why it's not
one of the more popular ice shows.
254
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:43,132
Why, that no-good two-timing
scum-sucking son of a...
255
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:46,135
Hey, honey bear, come give
your lover man a hug.
256
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:47,970
Gggrrrr!
257
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,562
Hey, Eddie. Eddie!
258
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,857
Hey, do you mind if I borrow
Carla here for a minute?
259
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:04,112
No problem.
It'll give me time to find my tooth.
260
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:07,990
Hey, Frasier, help
him out there, will you?
261
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,451
Tell him one of your funny
psychiatry stories.
262
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:11,994
Will you sit down!
263
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,080
Now what the hell
do you think you doing?
264
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,916
I'm killing
the horny little frog!
265
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,420
Come here, will you?
Murder is not the answer
266
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:23,005
to every one of life's
little problems, you know that?
267
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:26,217
First of all, you don't even know
if he did anything wrong.
268
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:28,970
And second, if he was
a little tempted,
269
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,388
maybe you pushed him into it.
270
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:31,931
Oh, what are you talking about?
271
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:35,059
Did you ever think that maybe
you aren't exactly nice to the guy?
272
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:38,688
Sammy, you know me.
This is an nice as it gets.
273
00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:44,485
But this is the way you handle everything
in your life, and it never works.
274
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:49,490
Okay, oh God of Good Relationships,
what do you suggest I do?
275
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:55,830
Carla, you got to let Eddie know
how you feel inside.
276
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:58,958
You must embrace him
not, not just with your heart,
277
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:00,835
but with your very soul.
278
00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:04,005
Give unto him,
and he will give unto you.
279
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:05,923
Okay, no more for this clown.
280
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:16,684
Listen, I'm talking about
the occasional back rub,
281
00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:19,020
the general all-around pampering.
282
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:23,649
Maybe buy one of those
low-cut frilly dresses.
283
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,277
Oh, you mean that "total woman" BS?
284
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:28,488
I find that completely repulsive.
285
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:31,365
Well, that explains all the men
beating down your door, doesn't it?
286
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:37,455
Sweetheart, listen, you got to become
the ideal woman, you know?
287
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:40,333
Treat him like a God.
Cater to his every whim.
288
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,920
Oh, yuck! I can't do that.
I can't do frilly.
289
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:47,673
You know what they say, you can catch
more flies with honey than with vinegar.
290
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,425
Maybe I shouldn't be
butting in here,
291
00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:52,261
but you can catch the most
with dead squirrels.
292
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,690
- Come on.
- Guys, guys.
293
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,443
I'm not going to do this, okay?
294
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:10,821
I'm gonna get to the bottom of it
in my own way.
295
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:13,241
So, I say to this patient,
296
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:16,619
"Look, you're never going to get well
until you get over this paranoia."
297
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,829
And he says to me,
"I was afraid you'd say that."
298
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,086
Well, you had to be there.
299
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,464
Your phone is ringing.
300
00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:29,882
Ooh!
301
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,514
Why did you attack me like that?
302
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:37,723
I'm sorry, Eddie.
303
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,226
Look, I've been very tense lately.
304
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,395
Can I ask you something?
305
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,105
Sure.
306
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:46,524
- Are you happy with me?
- Boy, am I.
307
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:48,442
- No complaints?
- Not one complaint.
308
00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:50,570
You're lying.
Everybody has one complaint.
309
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:54,115
I want one complaint,
or I'm not going to believe you're happy.
310
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:55,741
Well, okay.
311
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:56,993
What?
312
00:17:57,326 --> 00:18:00,413
Remember the other night when I asked
if I could have a few buddies over for poker
313
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:03,833
and you shoved my face
into the refrigerator?
314
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,002
Well, I guess I didn't like that.
315
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,714
Listen, Eddie.
316
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,882
I want you to promise me something.
317
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,552
I want you to promise me that,
318
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:17,013
if you ever find someone
319
00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:19,473
who makes you happier than I do,
320
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:20,725
that you'll tell me.
321
00:18:20,975 --> 00:18:22,852
- Oh, yeah, right!
- What do you mean by that?
322
00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:24,604
- You'd kill me.
- No, I won't.
323
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,689
Now tell me the truth!
Are you having an affair?
324
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:27,690
No!
325
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:29,984
Did you believe me
when you said I wouldn't kill you?
326
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:32,236
- No!
- Then if you were having an affair,
327
00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:34,030
- you would still be saying no!
- Yes!
328
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,699
Even if I were
having an affair, I'd still say no!
329
00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:40,411
Honey, look.
I got to tell you something.
330
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,998
I have a real bad headache
from this conversation,
331
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,752
and I need to lie down in a dark room.
332
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:55,009
Where do I go for frilly?
333
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,977
All right, Norm,
I will see your nickel,
334
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:08,522
And I'll raise you a nickel.
335
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:12,068
Too rich for my blood.
336
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,321
Hey, honey,
more chips and dip!
337
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,906
Right away, sweetheart!
338
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,449
Hey, Ed, what's with the old lady?
339
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:19,700
Why is she acting so nice?
340
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:20,951
I got no idea.
341
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:22,411
She's been doing it all week.
342
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,538
But I got no idea
how a car works, either,
343
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:26,624
but I don't mind riding in one, eh?
344
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:29,627
That's rich!
345
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,922
Shades of the Algonquin Round Table.
346
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:43,849
Here you are, sweetheart.
Just the way you like lt.
347
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,810
Oh, thanks.
I thought you forgot us.
348
00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:50,356
No! I was just carrying
another keg in from the garage.
349
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,611
Oh! Let me get that, baby face.
350
00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:58,656
And when you're through with that,
could you grab me a beer?
351
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:01,575
Anything you want.
352
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,327
Me, too, please.
353
00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:06,414
What, do I look like a waitress?
354
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:16,048
Oh, Sam, thank God it's you.
I think I'm hemorrhaging.
355
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:19,009
Well, don't worry about it.
I got some great news...
356
00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:20,761
For you, at least.
357
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,681
I went to Franzi's dressing room
to give her one last chance.
358
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:25,850
Guess who was there?
Her boyfriend.
359
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:28,352
Her boyfriend was there?
360
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:29,729
And Eddie's here?
361
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,522
Hey, Carla! Beer me!
362
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,691
You think Eddie
looks like a melon?
363
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:36,068
Boy, I tell you, you put a cantaloupe
up next to that guy's face,
364
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,778
I defy you
to tell the difference.
365
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:42,908
Carla, what are you doing out there?
Growing the hops?
366
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,786
Right away, dear.
367
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,788
Maybe I'll join them
for a couple of hands of cards.
368
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:51,375
Don't bother.
The game's just about to break up.
369
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:54,086
Thanks for the warning.
370
00:20:54,545 --> 00:20:56,464
Hey, honey, we're running a little low on dip.
371
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:59,633
You want some dip?
Here's your dip.
372
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:01,927
And your chips, and your drinks
373
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,763
and your cards!
374
00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:06,348
You want them?
375
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,267
Help yourselves!
376
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:15,608
I don't know about you guys,
I'm a little bushed.
377
00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:20,780
You know,
378
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:22,907
we really must get together
like this more often.
379
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:26,660
Oh, for God's sake, Norm.
Let the dog have the dip.
380
00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:34,335
Now what the hell
was that all about?
381
00:21:34,585 --> 00:21:36,879
You never laid a hand
on that Franzi, did you?
382
00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:39,757
Did you kiss her even? Did you pinch her?
Did you do anything?
383
00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:41,217
No! I swear it!
384
00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:43,219
Well, how could you humiliate me
like that?
385
00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:45,679
Franzi?
386
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,681
Carla, is that what you're all upset about?
387
00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:51,101
You think there's something going on
between me and Franzi?
388
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:55,856
Listen, if that woman threw herself at me,
I would have nothing to do with her.
389
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:59,276
In fact, today at rehearsal,
I saw how inhuman she could be.
390
00:21:59,693 --> 00:22:02,738
She humiliated one of the guys
just because he made a little mistake.
391
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:05,866
Chewed him out in front of everyone.
Actually spit on him.
392
00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:08,911
If it upset you so much,
why didn't you defend the guy?
393
00:22:09,370 --> 00:22:10,788
I was the guy!
394
00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:14,458
So nothing was going on,
395
00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:16,752
and you let me walk around
like Debbie Reynolds.
396
00:22:17,211 --> 00:22:18,546
Why didn't you stop me?
397
00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:20,548
I thought maybe
you were pregnant again
398
00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:22,591
and this was your way of telling me.
399
00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:25,553
Well, you didn't have to like it so much.
400
00:22:25,970 --> 00:22:27,096
Like lt? It gives me
the creeps.
401
00:22:27,388 --> 00:22:28,889
Well, you certainly seemed to like it
402
00:22:29,056 --> 00:22:31,684
When you were making all those stupid cracks
in front of your friends.
403
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:34,728
Well, you know the competition
to be witty in front of those guys.
404
00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:41,068
Besides, honey, I mean,
405
00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:44,572
isn't the important thing
that I've been faithful to you?
406
00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:48,742
You have been,
haven't you?
407
00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:50,202
Yeah.
408
00:22:51,495 --> 00:22:53,747
Guess I kind of lost sight of that.
409
00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:00,880
I was never married to anyone
who was faithful before.
410
00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:06,343
You're really a good guy, Eddie.
411
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:10,431
I don't deserve you.
But I'm gonna try to.
412
00:23:10,598 --> 00:23:12,641
From now on, I'm gonna be
the perfect wife.
413
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:14,351
I don't want you to be
the perfect wife.
414
00:23:14,518 --> 00:23:17,980
I want the girl I married--
feisty, strong-willed,
415
00:23:18,147 --> 00:23:20,149
and, well, downright nasty...
416
00:23:21,442 --> 00:23:22,359
In a beautiful way.
417
00:23:23,152 --> 00:23:26,113
- You really mean that, Eddie?
- Oh, you bet I do.
418
00:23:26,322 --> 00:23:27,907
Then get your sorry butt
into the kitchen.
419
00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:29,408
There's a sink full of dishes,
420
00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:31,368
the garbage disposal is clogged,
421
00:23:31,535 --> 00:23:33,913
and there's a cat box
with your name on it.
422
00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:36,290
What are you doing?
423
00:23:36,457 --> 00:23:38,500
Oh, my sweetie is back.
424
00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:40,002
Beat it!