1
00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:04,379
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:08,217
I don't know, Eddie.
Try under the bed.
3
00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:11,261
Well, if they're not there,
look in the back of the closet
4
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:14,473
or behind the dresser
or in the washing machine.
5
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,351
Yeah, if you still can't find them,
call me back.
6
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:18,727
I swear to God.
7
00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:21,271
That man would lose his head if it
weren't bolted on.
8
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:22,898
What's up there, Carla?
9
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:25,275
Eddie wants to take
the twins for a walk.
10
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:26,401
Can't find his shoes, huh?
11
00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:28,153
No, he can't find the twins.
12
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,274
Excuse me.
13
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,483
No, no, it was my fault.
14
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,402
I'm sorry. Are you okay?
15
00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:51,903
I'm just fine.
16
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:54,740
But how nice of you
to be so completely concerned.
17
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,743
Well, you know, you can't
be too careful these days.
18
00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,745
So...
19
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,580
When's your baby due?
20
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,209
I'm not pregnant.
21
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:09,713
Oh. well, then I really am sorry.
Excuse me.
22
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:15,010
Why don't you just watch
where you're going then next time, buster!
23
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:18,972
Sam, does this outfit
24
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,766
make me look like
I've put on a little weight?
25
00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,517
The outfit? Uh...
26
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:23,977
Yeah-- No, that's what it must be, right.
27
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,771
Turn around. Let me see.
28
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,939
Yeah, blame it on the outfit.
29
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,734
You know, you've been wearing
30
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,694
an awful lot of fat clothes
recently, haven't you.
31
00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:34,780
Oh, just shut up, butthead!
32
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,575
She called me butthead.
33
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:39,951
I think I'm going to cry.
34
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:41,703
Don't worry, Sam.
35
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,330
It only looks that
way from the back.
36
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,629
You want another beer, Mr. P?
37
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,881
Love to, Woody,
but I gotta get back
38
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:55,467
To painting Frasier
and Lilith's place.
39
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,844
This is the first job
anyone's given me in four months.
40
00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:00,263
I'm not gonna do anything
to jeopardize it.
41
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:01,807
I'm really making
an effort this time
42
00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,558
to be the kind of
dependable professional
43
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,103
that I'd like to have
working for me.
44
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:07,479
See you, Mr. Peterson.
45
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:09,314
What, Wood?
46
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:11,024
I said I'll see you.
47
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,527
Well, damn it, Woody,
now you made me late, man.
48
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,989
As long as I'm late,
I'll just have another beer.
49
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:30,210
Much better. Much better.
50
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,796
I never thought our wedding portrait
lived there.
51
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:34,089
Where should it go, Ivan?
52
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,133
Here's a spot.
53
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:43,682
Perfect. Why clutter
a home with mementos?
54
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,770
Did I tell you last night
I programmed myself
55
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,439
to dream about your space?
56
00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:53,525
You didn't. We're thrilled.
57
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:57,821
To begin with,
we lose this wall.
58
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:02,075
By "lose," you mean we redesign it
so that it practically disappears?
59
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,785
Or "lose," we knock it down
60
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:06,079
So we're left facing
the back of our stove?
61
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:10,083
Fret not. We'll be transforming il Cucina
62
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,419
into an atrium.
63
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,004
I love this idea.
64
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:15,547
I adore it.
65
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,090
But what about eating?
66
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,303
I design. I don't eat.
67
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,557
Now over here,
I imagine removing the ceiling
68
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:28,018
and extending the wall
up to the second story,
69
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:33,064
culminating in a skylight
to flood the room with natural illumination.
70
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:37,068
But, uh, that's our bedroom up there.
71
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:42,282
Is that all you people think about,
eating and sleeping?
72
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,621
Tell me this was a gift.
73
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,877
Doctor, might I have
a word with you?
74
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:55,253
Certainly, doctor.
75
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,008
How do you feel about Ivan?
76
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:03,720
Feel? Lilith, the man is one
of the most famous designers in the city.
77
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,305
He's been written up
in every magazine
78
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,057
From Metropolitan Home
to HG.
79
00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:09,059
He's got more awards on his shelves
than we have shelves.
80
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:10,519
I'd like to beat
the crap out of him.
81
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,148
Maybe we should let him go.
82
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:18,360
If that's your final decision,
my cherub, I concur.
83
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:19,736
The heave-ho.
84
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:22,113
Wait. At the risk
of sounding sexist,
85
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,950
I do believe this is man's work.
It requires a firm hand.
86
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,743
Please feel free to leave the room
if you must.
87
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,453
This could get unpleasant.
88
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:31,706
Sir?
89
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,543
You're too good for us.
90
00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:39,756
Your masterful design
would make our poor little lives
91
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:41,299
just seem drab by comparison.
92
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:44,761
Course, we'll see to your severance pay.
Two weeks?
93
00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,096
Six months.
94
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:47,681
Fine.
95
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:51,518
I can't tell you what a once-in-a-lifetime
thrill it's been
96
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:52,727
to bask in your talent.
97
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,855
Bye-bye, now.
Watch the steps!
98
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:02,696
I only hope he can recover
from that tongue-lashing.
99
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,031
So, dandelion,
100
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,325
now that you've given away
the farm to Ivan,
101
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,327
do you have some Swiss bank
account we can empty
102
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,745
to pay another decorator?
103
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:13,415
I'll go that one better, Dove bar.
104
00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:15,375
I submit that
between the two of us,
105
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:18,837
we have enough taste and intelligence
to redesign our own habitat
106
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,505
sans outside help.
107
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:23,717
Bite me. I love you.
108
00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:47,908
I take back my bite.
We suck.
109
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,255
Much better.
110
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,299
Much better!
111
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:06,593
Pardon me?
112
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,803
Yes, by simply
moving that chair,
113
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,556
an intimate conversation
area is created,
114
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:14,601
at the same time
opening up a new traffic pattern
115
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:18,772
that gives the entire room
a whole new dynamic sense of flow.
116
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:23,193
Plus, I can spackle
behind here.
117
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:28,365
Of course...
118
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,075
If you really want a better shot
at the intimate thing,
119
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:33,453
I'd take these--
what do you call these--
120
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,830
These Louis Couture's jobbies,
121
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:38,416
and move them over like so.
122
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:42,003
Get the table over this way.
123
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,673
Ok. now this table
would have to come...
124
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,341
like yea.
125
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:51,137
And... sofa would come
around this way, of course.
126
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,516
Ok? Now, uh...
127
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:58,311
That desk has got to come out of there.
You put the piano into the bay, all right?
128
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,939
That chrome and glass,
you put into the harbor.
129
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:07,487
Tell you what, I'd move
into the warm tones, all right?
130
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,531
Reupholster, re-drape
the whole damn thing.
131
00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:11,282
Splash a little bit
of paisley around.
132
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,827
Throw down
a nice Bokhara rug,
133
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,079
top it off with a fine piece
or two of chinoiserie,
134
00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:17,247
and we're there.
135
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,544
Bite us, Norm. We love you.
136
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,803
So what do you got
in there, Woodsky?
137
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:36,141
Oh, boy! My aunt Edna's
killer fudge brownies!
138
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:37,976
Oh, killers, eh?
139
00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:40,228
Yeah, they're called that
because the first time my uncle Ford
140
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:41,354
ever smelled them baking,
141
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,232
he came running in from the field
and got hit by a combine.
142
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,279
He hung on for a few days.
143
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,198
At the end, he was just praying to die.
144
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,492
Well, eat up, everybody.
145
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:04,252
Hi, everybody.
146
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:05,962
Oh, hey, Rebecca.
147
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,088
Want a brownie?
148
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,466
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot.
149
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:12,594
A moment on the lips,
a lifetime on the hips.
150
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:16,931
You know, Rebecca,
151
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:20,060
I don't know why
you're so concerned about your figure?
152
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,394
Back in the renaissance time,
153
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,396
full-figured women
were revered.
154
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:24,981
Get out.
155
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,149
- It's true.
- Yeah?
156
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:30,028
Yeah. Artists would only paint
big, voluptuous women.
157
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:32,947
In fact, that's how
they got rid of a lot of their old paint.
158
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,873
Speaking of weight and stuff,
I got a riddle.
159
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,208
Which is heavier,
160
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,168
a pound of Cliff's brain
161
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:46,920
or a pound of dead flies?
162
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,422
It's a trick question.
163
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,382
A pound is a pound.
they both weigh the same.
164
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:54,594
Go ahead. Ask me another
Mr. Clavin's brain question.
165
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,099
Ok. let's see...
166
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:03,561
if you drop Cliff's brain and a bowling ball
off the top of the empire state building--
167
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:04,771
Yeah?
168
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:10,068
Norm, we had to rush over
to tell you.
169
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,528
The new window treatment
you designed just went up.
170
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:12,779
It is spectacular.
171
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,322
Are you speaking
to another Norm,
172
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,116
or do you have a death wish?
173
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,492
Beg pardon?
174
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,620
You think I want these people to know
I'm an interior decorator?
175
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:22,997
We're sorry, Norm.
176
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:25,792
It's just we simply cannot moderate
our approbation.
177
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,210
Give it a shot, okay?
178
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,462
But you should be decorating
professionally.
179
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,839
No, please.
180
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:32,882
Doing you both a favor
was one thing.
181
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:35,051
Any more of this
interior decorating junk
182
00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:36,469
could really eat in
to my reputation
183
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,472
as a lazy beer-guzzling lump
of mashed potatoes.
184
00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:42,892
But, Norm, you have a gift.
185
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,603
Gift? Try curse, pal.
186
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,647
I spent my whole damn life
trying to cover up the fact
187
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:51,359
that I have a great sense of color
and I always know where to stick the ottoman.
188
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:54,279
It's a pity. You see, we've just met
this new couple,
189
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:55,572
and they need a decorator.
190
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,866
Dearest, Norm has made
his feelings clear.
191
00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,200
They're very well-off.
192
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,368
Frasier, it's not
a matter of money.
193
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:01,995
They're willing
to pay 5 figures.
194
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,246
But, Frasier--
195
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:04,914
Hey, Elvira, back off!
196
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:12,046
If the left side of Cliff's brain
leaves New York on a train
197
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,507
traveling 65 miles per hour,
198
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,260
and the right side of Cliff's brain
leaves LA--
199
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,512
Wait, wait, wait.
let me get a pencil.
200
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:41,576
Yeah!
201
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:45,872
Damn, I am good!
202
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,750
Bring these people on.
I'll wipe up the floor with this.
203
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:49,959
Who are they, anyhow?
204
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,544
Well, actually, they're friends of friends.
205
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,046
But I have to warn you.
206
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,756
They're the essence
of the "Y" word.
207
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:58,134
That's the yuppie
word for yuppie.
208
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,053
Are you implying
that I'm a yuppie?
209
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,888
Oh, forgive me. I erred.
210
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,349
And if I ever do it again,
you may cut out my tongue
211
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:05,975
and serve it to me on a fajita.
212
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,939
Well, here we go.
213
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:12,815
I'm gonna take one last look
in the kitchen.
214
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:19,405
Hi! We were just
talking about you.
215
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:20,448
Kiss, kiss.
216
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:21,741
Yes, yes.
217
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,077
Sorry we're late.
we couldn't decide
218
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,454
Whether to take the Range Rover
or the BMW.
219
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:28,289
Don't keep us in suspense.
220
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,124
The beamer.
221
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,293
Well, we're all here now.
What fun.
222
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,254
Kir Royales all around?
223
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,130
That'd be great, Frats.
224
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:37,423
I can't get over
225
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,884
what your decorator
has done with this place.
226
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,345
It's warm, it's solid,
it's real.
227
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:43,429
It's super.
228
00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,516
Oh, hi. What's going on?
229
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,437
Hi
230
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,147
Kim and Robert Cooperman,
231
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,149
I'd like you to meet our decorator
Norman Peterson.
232
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:56,567
Hi.
233
00:12:56,734 --> 00:13:00,113
You know, this is the last cold beer.
We could split it or something.
234
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,740
No, thanks.
We're taken care of.
235
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,617
Ok. well, suit yourself.
236
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:05,743
Sit down, everybody.
237
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,578
It's beautiful and functional.
238
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,499
You know, Frasier told me
a little about your place,
239
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,669
so I did take the liberty
of jotting down a few ideas.
240
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:19,382
Uh, excuse me.
are those cocktail napkins?
241
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,467
Yeah. I'm sorry,
did you need one?
242
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,262
No.
243
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:25,513
Veggie pate?
244
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,099
Oh, yes, yes, please!
I'm on empty over here.
245
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,560
Anyway...
246
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:36,107
I heard your place
is pretty modern, you know,
247
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:38,901
and most of your stuff
is kind of gray.
248
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,361
So I thought, maybe, you know,
249
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:42,530
some, you know, color would be good.
250
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:47,160
Actually, we hadn't totally
sold ourselves
251
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,828
on the concept of change.
252
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,455
Oh.
253
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,957
You could keep
some of your old stuff
254
00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:55,251
And, you know, throw in
some new stuff, too.
255
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:03,926
Frats, could you help me
with this wall treatment?
256
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:08,514
Sushi? I rolled it myself.
257
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,308
What's going on?
I'm dying over here.
258
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,018
Well, it's not you, Norm.
It's them.
259
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,102
Yeah?
260
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,355
They're narrow-minded,
trend-sucking dilettantes
261
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,858
Who insist that
their chefs be French,
262
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,485
that their mechanics be German,
263
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:22,904
And that their designers be...
264
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:26,407
Stylish.
265
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:30,912
Oh. you mean...
266
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:31,829
Stylish.
267
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,331
Very stylish.
268
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:35,708
Enough said, Frasier.
269
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,335
I'm sorry, Norm.
270
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:38,669
This could have been
a real lucrative job for you.
271
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:40,463
I don't know what to say.
272
00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:43,049
That's okay. I do.
273
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:49,305
Listen...
274
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,183
Did I tell you that, uh,
275
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:57,397
last night I programmed myself
to dream about your space?
276
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,119
Miss Howe, I don't mean
to insult you,
277
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,829
But you're looking
kinda puny.
278
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,455
Have you lost weight?
279
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,207
Is this a setup?
280
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,293
Did Sam tell you
to say that?
281
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:22,463
No, ma'am.
I told myself to say it.
282
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,006
I'm worried about you.
283
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,509
If you're not careful,
you're gonna start wasting away.
284
00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:28,219
And pretty soon,
your ribs will start to show,
285
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,680
like this guy back in
Hanover, Carl Lefferts.
286
00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:33,891
Of course, he'd been dead a while
when they found him.
287
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,811
Thank you, Woody.
288
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:39,439
That's the nicest thing
anyone's said to me all week.
289
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,361
Your hair's been looking
kind of ratty, too.
290
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:50,283
Unfortunately, that's the second
nicest thing.
291
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,702
What, no kiss?
292
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,746
No. I've got
to weigh myself.
293
00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,415
We got your scale here
back here.
294
00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:59,959
What's it doing
behind the bar?
295
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,836
We needed it
to settle an argument
296
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:03,713
About how much Mr. Clavin's
brain weighs.
297
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:09,594
I think I am in
for a pleasant surprise.
298
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:15,057
Your weight is 162 pounds.
299
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,142
What!
300
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,310
I--
301
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,603
Malone!
302
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,440
Get out here!
I know what you just did!
303
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,693
Congratulations.
304
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,321
Not you!
I was talking--
305
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,489
Forget it!
306
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:30,656
Ok, okay.
307
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,451
Cliff's brain is found
murdered in a room.
308
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,205
All the doors
and windows are locked.
309
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,416
Good. He's here.
Hello, Norman!
310
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:42,084
What's going on?
311
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:43,085
Oh! Hi.
312
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,838
No, no, no, let's sit up here.
313
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,174
Um, well!
314
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,759
Dick and Della Tracy,
315
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:51,469
how did you ever
track me down?
316
00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,304
The address on
the cocktail napkin
317
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,639
you did your sketches on.
318
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:55,973
You're good.
319
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:58,684
You know, Norman,
320
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,102
we've never been
in a gay bar before.
321
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,479
Yeah.
322
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,397
It seems just like
a regular bar.
323
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:06,359
Honey,
look at those two.
324
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,159
Anyway, how about
some drinks. Miss?
325
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,787
- Yeah?
- No, I'll take care of it.
326
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,998
He's kind of touchy
since the operation.
327
00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:25,461
Yo!
328
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:26,879
Wood-o, my friends
and I need
329
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,839
A couple of
white wine spritzers
330
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,716
And a beer--spritzer.
331
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,093
Are you feeling okay?
332
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,971
Sure. Very manly.
Never more so.
333
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,349
Spritzers a toi
on the way.
334
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:39,850
Thank you.
335
00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,269
You know, Norman,
336
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,271
we didn't just pop
in here on a whim.
337
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:46,107
We love the work
you did on our place so much
338
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:49,151
that we want you
to do our mountain retreat next.
339
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,112
Gee, I don't know.
340
00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:52,363
My schedule's kind of--
341
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,031
We know it's an inconvenience.
342
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:55,324
So can we double your rate?
343
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,743
Only because I love
you kids so much.
344
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:01,455
Listen, if you could scope it out
this weekend, that would be super.
345
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:02,832
- Super.
- Super.
346
00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:03,749
Super.
347
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:08,087
I'm glad you can make it,
because we have another friend
348
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,381
we've been dying
for you to meet.
349
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,842
And he's really cute.
350
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,472
He?
351
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:21,017
Well, unless somebody's
already snapped you up.
352
00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:23,227
Well... yeah, darn it.
353
00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:24,729
I have been snapped up.
354
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,522
By, um...
355
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,274
That fellow over there.
356
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,527
The one who had
the operation?
357
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,446
Bite your tongue,
no!
358
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,741
No, the tall hunk
rinsing glasses.
359
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:38,409
Wait a minute.
360
00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:41,329
Isn't that Sam Malone,
the pitcher?
361
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,956
I've heard of him.
Didn't he used to play for the Sox?
362
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,958
Uh... yes. Yes.
363
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,127
But now he plays for me.
364
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,342
Oh, man, the guys
at the gym are gonna freak!
365
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,677
Why don't you bring him over
and introduce him to us.
366
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:59,263
I think he's probably
a little bit too busy right now.
367
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:05,353
All right.
I'll get him.
368
00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:08,356
Sam, could I have
a word, please?
369
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:09,482
Yeah.
Now. Come here.
370
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,318
Sam, I need a favor, pal.
371
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:13,903
Look, I have these clients.
372
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:14,987
And they're big fans of yours.
373
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,489
And it would mean a lot
374
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,741
if you could just
come over and say hi to them.
375
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,284
Oh, yeah. No problem.
376
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:22,078
Thanks, Sammy.
Thanks, bud.
377
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:24,080
And one more thing, man, okay?
378
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,164
We're lovers.
379
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:31,212
Kids...
380
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:32,797
This is Sam Malone.
381
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,882
Sam Malone,
this is Kim and Robert Cooperman.
382
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,801
Pleased to meet you.
383
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:42,848
You sure do make
a cute couple.
384
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:47,311
Just accept
the compliment, honey.
385
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,357
Thanks.
386
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:53,734
I have a confession
to make.
387
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,569
We came in here tonight
388
00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:57,780
to try to fix Norman up with
another man.
389
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,324
Naughty, naughty.
390
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,578
Naughty, naughty.
391
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,206
But since you two
are together,
392
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,542
how about if the four of us
spend a weekend at the cabin?
393
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:10,793
It'll be a hoot!
394
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:14,380
Is that good for you, Sam?
395
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,467
What do you mean,
is it good for me?
396
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,053
It stinks for me, man.
397
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,763
I can't hack this. Don't do this to me.
398
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,432
Listen, I like babes.
399
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:25,558
I love babes.
400
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,351
And babes love me.
401
00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:29,353
Babes. Babes.
402
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,439
Babes.
403
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:33,190
Babes.
404
00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:35,818
"Babes" is his pet word
for linebackers.
405
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,572
Norman, I pride myself
406
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,574
on being a very
perceptive person.
407
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,576
Now is something amiss?
408
00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:47,955
Yeah. Sam and I have had a tiff.
409
00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:53,544
Look, maybe meeting Michael
is just the thing you need.
410
00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:55,755
He lives right around the corner.
Kim, go call him.
411
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:57,631
No. no, no, no,
folks, please.
412
00:20:57,798 --> 00:20:59,091
I can't go on with
this any longer.
413
00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:02,178
Look, I don't care if
it costs me the job.
414
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:04,221
I gotta tell you
the truth, okay?
415
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:07,683
I wanted to be your decorator,
416
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,144
so I pretended to be who I thought
you wanted me to be.
417
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:11,604
But...
418
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,939
It's time I came
out of the closet.
419
00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:16,817
I'm straight.
420
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,321
Impossible.
421
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:24,074
No, no, I...
422
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:27,244
Ever since I was a little boy,
I've known that I prefer girls.
423
00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:30,164
Actually, I'm a guy with a wife.
424
00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:33,417
I mean, uh... I sleep with Vera.
425
00:21:33,584 --> 00:21:35,419
I sleep next to her.
426
00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:38,672
Actually it's in the room next to her,
but, uh...
427
00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:40,424
I do keep the door open.
428
00:21:42,343 --> 00:21:43,969
But the point is...
429
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:47,264
I think you should
judge people for what they do,
430
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:50,392
not for... who they do.
431
00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:55,022
You're absolutely right, Norman.
432
00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:58,984
I can't believe we've been the perpetrators
of this kind of discrimination.
433
00:21:59,693 --> 00:22:00,736
We'll see you, Norman.
434
00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:02,488
No. Well, listen, hey, folks,
435
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:05,699
I can still, you know,
decorate your mountain retreat, there.
436
00:22:06,617 --> 00:22:09,370
Kim and I happen
to be people of principle.
437
00:22:09,537 --> 00:22:11,789
And we put our trust in you, our faith.
438
00:22:11,956 --> 00:22:15,000
We trusted you with our
most prized possession, our home.
439
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:16,627
How did you
return that trust?
440
00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:18,337
You lied to us. You betrayed us.
441
00:22:19,213 --> 00:22:21,006
You made fools of us.
442
00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:22,633
I could do it for half price.
443
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,052
Here's the key.
There's Perrier in the fridge.
444
00:22:25,219 --> 00:22:26,637
If the neighbors ask,
you're a plumber.
445
00:22:26,804 --> 00:22:29,056
Gotcha. Can do. Thank you so much.
446
00:22:29,223 --> 00:22:30,599
Thank you.
447
00:22:49,451 --> 00:22:51,537
How about those Celtics, huh?
448
00:22:54,582 --> 00:22:56,292
What? What?
449
00:22:56,458 --> 00:22:57,459
What?
450
00:22:57,626 --> 00:23:00,087
Norm, how could you
do this to us?
451
00:23:00,254 --> 00:23:01,964
What? Do what?
452
00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:04,341
We're your best friends.
453
00:23:04,508 --> 00:23:07,011
I can't believe that you didn't feel
close enough
454
00:23:07,177 --> 00:23:10,306
to share this part
of your life with us.
455
00:23:10,472 --> 00:23:11,724
This part? What?
456
00:23:11,891 --> 00:23:14,268
Guys, I'm straight.
I'm not gay.
457
00:23:15,185 --> 00:23:16,395
Who cares about that?
458
00:23:16,562 --> 00:23:18,355
You can get stuff at wholesale!
459
00:23:21,525 --> 00:23:23,277
- I need a sofa.
- Yeah?
460
00:23:23,444 --> 00:23:24,528
And I could use a lamp.
461
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,448
Can you get me a deal
on a good Barcalounger?
462
00:23:27,615 --> 00:23:29,283
All right. All right.
463
00:23:29,450 --> 00:23:31,869
But I have to tell you folks
that I am not cheap.
464
00:23:32,036 --> 00:23:34,246
Even for your lover?