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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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You're up pretty late, aren't you?
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Nothing better to do than watch TV?
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Feeling a little lonely in the big city?
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Come and join the party.
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Call 555-P-R-T-Y
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for the best party line in Boston.
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That's right. There are lots of fun people
on the line right now
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waiting for you to join in their fun talk.
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Only $2.00 plus toll, if any,
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00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,700
for a three-minutes of party-line madness.
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Why don't you try us?
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There's only one way to find out
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what sort of wild people
call the party-line.
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Dial 555-P-R-T-Y.
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Hi. My name's Woody.
I'm from Indiana, and I'm--
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Oh, hi, Mr. Clavin. Hey.
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How about over here
by the bar, Miss Howe?
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Do we really have to do this?
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- What's going on?
- I'll be right with you.
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The Globe is doing an article
on women who run pubs,
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and now he wants to
take my picture.
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I really dread this.
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Why?
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Because I get so tensed up
in front of a camera,
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all of a sudden I start looking
like something the cat coughed up.
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Can I have an eight-by-ten
for my mantelpiece?
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How about a two-by-four
for your bridgework?
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Listen. Let me give you
a few hints here.
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I had a lot of pictures taken of me
when I was playing ball.
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Just relax. Take the tip of
your tongue and wet your lips.
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Good. Now, wet my lips.
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Oh, come on.
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Uh-oh, you're tensing up, now.
Just relax.
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Thank you.
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Oh! Wait a minute!
You can't use that picture.
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I had my tongue sticking out.
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Can I have three copies of that?
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Now, please, take another picture
And warn me this time.
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I want this to look natural
and spontaneous.
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Come on, come on. You got to relax.
Think of something ridiculous.
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Like what?
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Like him.
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Hey, you're better than the Snoopy puppets
I use with the kids.
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Thanks, Miss Howe.
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Boy, oh, boy.
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How many times have
I walked through that door?
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Yep. Good-bye, old bar.
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Take care, old stool.
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Where you going, Cliff?
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I'm going in for surgery tomorrow.
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Who knows if I'll ever walk
under God's blue sky again.
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It's all up to the man upstairs.
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Vic, the maitre d' at Melville's?
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Look, Woody... no, never mind.
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What are you
talking about?
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It took a lot of expensive
and complicated tests, Sammy,
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But they finally found out
what that pain was in my abdomen.
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The experts... call it appendicitis.
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- Aw... jeez!
- Whew!
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Cliff ie, come on.
Now, that's a simple thing.
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I had it when I was a kid.
There's nothing to it.
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I actually liked having
my appendix out.
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My parents told me I could have
all the ice cream I wanted.
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No, Woody, I think you're talking
about tonsils.
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It was a long time ago, Sam,
but I'm pretty sure it was ice cream.
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- So when are you going in?
- It's tomorrow.
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Now look. I want you guys
to promise me,
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you know, if I don't pull
through this thing,
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There'll be no big emotional scenes,
no eulogies,
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just a small memorial service
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where you guys sit around
and tell the funnier stories about me.
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Okay. I got dibs on this one.
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Great news, everybody.
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Lilith and I have just gotten back
from the auto club.
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We have
the complete itinerary
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For our motoring trip through the USA
in our Chevrolet.
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It's a Mercedes, dear.
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That was a joke, Frasier.
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Oh. I forgot I married a madcap.
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Hey, listen, folks. Nobody's really interested
about your little motor trip.
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We're talking about my upcoming surgery.
So now, where was I?
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So are you going to
see the Grand Canyon?
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Yeah. Don't miss Yosemite.
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Listen, if you go to the alligator farm
outside Tallahassee,
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tell Ivar Woody says "hey, hey."
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Of course.
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Okay, gather around, everybody.
I'll show you the interstates we're gonna take.
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00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:08,892
- Sam, can I talk to you for a minute?
- Sure. Have a seat.
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Frasier and I will be covering
over 4,500 miles round-trip,
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And I think It's only fair that I share
some of the driving.
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However, I am handicapped
by one tiny thing.
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I've never operated
a motorized vehicle before.
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You don't know how to drive?
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I always meant to learn,
but when I was a teenager,
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I was too busy having fun.
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Would you teach me, Sam?
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Uh, what
about Frasier?
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We're too close.
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I need someone to whom I have
no emotional attachment whatsoever.
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So, as a friend, would you do me
this favor?
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Yeah, why not?
When do we start?
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The sooner the better.
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How do you think I'll do?
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I've never had a woman in a car
that didn't do great.
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Wonderful. You teach me to drive,
I'll help you with your sense of humor.
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Here's where you got to be
real careful. You see,
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I-75 runs right down here Into I-39.
If you don't stay in the far left lane,
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It's hello, Tulsa!
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Well, I got to be
moseying on, you guys.
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I'll, you know, see you later.
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I'm going under the knife
in about 12 hours or so.
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Now, look, don't feel that you have to
go out of your way to stop by and visit.
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New England Presbyterian,
room one-niner-four,
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Visiting hours between 11:00 and 9:00.
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Cliff ie, I'm sure everything
is gonna be just okay.
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Oh, yeah, well, no, sure, there's no...
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You know, I'm in the hands
of skilled professionals.
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It's not like the old days, is it,
where they
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give you a shot of whiskey,
lick the scalpel, and go a-carving, eh?
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You know, the same is true
in my profession.
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Time was when a person's behavior
deviated in any way
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from what society
considered normal,
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the town barber would
take a rusty drill,
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bore a hole in your head,
and let the evil spirits out.
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Well, good thing we didn't live
back then, huh?
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Yeah, you'd be looking pretty much like
a Wiffle ball by now, wouldn't you?
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I don't believe you guys.
That's it. I'm leaving.
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Fine! Fine! Who needs your kind
around here anyway?
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00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,134
Gentlemen.
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00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,263
I think that this bar is
big enough for people
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who like The Addams Family
and The Munsters.
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Okay, all right, fine.
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I'll take back what
I said about Cousin lt.
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That's okay.
It was in the heat of the moment.
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All right.
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Hey, hey, hey, here's that article
they interviewed Rebecca for.
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- Look at that.
- Oh, hey, how's her picture?
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- There isn't one.
- Oh, God.
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It was so crummy,
they didn't even print it.
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00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,623
Oh, wait a minute.
There it is, right there on the back.
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- How is it?
- Eew!
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Is it that bad?
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No. Norm got Cheez Whiz
all over the paper.
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- Actually, the picture's not bad.
- Not bad?
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- It's great.
- Let me see that.
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This is a decent picture of me.
Look at that. I'm gorgeous and sexy!
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And dead as a door nail.
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00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:02,941
- What?
- You're in the obituaries.
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00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,275
Oh, God!
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00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:09,155
Now, don't feel bad.
It says you died in bed.
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00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:14,452
I didn't know you helped build
the Panama Canal.
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00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,706
Woody, that is
someone else's obituary.
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I am not dead. I'm a living,
breathing human being.
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I know that.
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00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,630
So where did they
put all the dirt, anyway?
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Excuse me, can I get someone
to sign for these?
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Yo, right over here.
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Let's see these.
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Oh, they're from
corporate headquarters.
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Did we do well last month?
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"Dear friends at Cheers,
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00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:44,774
we mourn the loss of Rebecca Howe.
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At last her pain is over."
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I'm gonna call them up
and straighten this out
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Before they start making
funeral arrangements.
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If I were you,
I'd have a closed casket.
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Yeah, well, why Grandpa Munster
never won an Emmy,
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00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:02,208
I'll never know.
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00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:06,379
Come on. Maybe it's because
he stole his whole character from Uncle Fester.
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00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:09,424
Oh, Lord,
is this still going on?
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00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:12,385
This has got to be one of the stupidest
arguments I've ever heard
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- since I started coming to this bar.
- Hey, we resent that.
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Yeah. Why wasn't it the stupidest?
175
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:23,438
Well, frankly, it lacks meaningless statistics
and inane historical trivia.
176
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,691
Say, where is Cliff anyway?
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00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:28,943
Yeah, is he still in the hospital?
178
00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:30,987
Uh, I don't know. How's he doing?
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00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,822
I thought you were
going to go see him.
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00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,909
Well, I tried, I mean, I got
as far as the hospital lobby,
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00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,536
But you know, the smell of alcohol
makes me really queasy.
182
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:46,127
I was going to see him, but I got to wait
until I have a night off here.
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00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,712
Woody, how about you?
184
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:51,091
Oh, that's what this string
on my finger is for.
185
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,345
What the heck is this one for?
186
00:09:57,639 --> 00:10:01,351
Well, surely, somebody
gave him a call
187
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,269
Or sent flowers?
188
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,562
Card?
189
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:05,647
Carla?
190
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,273
Yeah, right.
191
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,444
Look, this is terrible.
192
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,614
Don't you realize that since Cliff's mother
moved to Florida,
193
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,533
we are his sole support group?
194
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:20,787
This desertion in his hour of crisis
could cause him deep emotional scars.
195
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,372
So why don't you go see him?
196
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:23,957
What, I don't have a life?
197
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:28,461
I think we ought
to go down there right now
198
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,296
and tell Mr. Clavin
how we feel about him.
199
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,382
Don't you think that
would be a little cruel?
200
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,884
I mean, the guy just
had an operation.
201
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:39,639
Actually, visiting hours are over.
202
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,266
- We're gonna have to wait until tomorrow.
- Yeah.
203
00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:43,518
Hey, wait a minute.
Cliff's at New England Presbyterian.
204
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,855
It's on my rounds. I have to go by there tonight.
I can get in to see him.
205
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,690
Great! Why don't you
go buy a card
206
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,484
and date it yesterday, and sign all our
names to it, okay?
207
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,194
- Yeah.
- Slam dunk.
208
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,696
Is that going to be enough?
209
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:58,533
Come on. It's just an appendectomy.
They're taking out a useless organ.
210
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,326
He's chock-full of those.
211
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:11,838
Excuse me, I'm Dr. Crane.
212
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,006
Where is Mr. Clavin?
213
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,632
He was just discharged.
214
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:17,385
Oh, great. Just my luck.
215
00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,470
I'm the one who gets to run
all over town to find a stupid card
216
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:22,223
For the idiot Clavin,
he isn't even here.
217
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:28,730
Just a token
of how much we care.
218
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:37,822
Don't you want
to read the card?
219
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,574
I just forgot my jacket.
220
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,659
You're going
to hear it anyway, Cliff.
221
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:44,704
"Glad you're feeling better.
222
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,706
So sorry you were ill.
223
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:49,375
If you thought things
were bad before,
224
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,211
wait till you get the bill."
225
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,548
Oh, that zesty
greeting card humor.
226
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,219
Well, gee, Cliff, we're
just trying to help.
227
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,305
You want to help?
228
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,849
Well, uh, maybe you could
help with this.
229
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,392
I, uh...
230
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:09,437
I've been doing
some soul-searching.
231
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:10,939
A man gets a lot
of time to think
232
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:12,649
With a tube up his nose.
233
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:17,737
What I realize is that, well,
234
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,280
I'm alone in this world.
235
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,325
Nobody came to visit me.
236
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,285
Not one of my so-called friends
out there
237
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,828
Even bothered to walk
through that door.
238
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,248
Look, and they all feel
terrible about it, Cliff.
239
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,416
They lead busy lives.
They just couldn't find the time--
240
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,335
Come on, doc,
cut the malarkey, will you?
241
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:34,796
They found the time to visit Sammy
when he was in the hospital.
242
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,464
Carla, when she had the twins.
243
00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:38,758
Normie when he went in
for the butt tuck.
244
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,637
I know why they didn't visit.
245
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,681
It's because it was me.
246
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:45,682
No, Cliff.
247
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,267
Oh, yeah. Come on, doc.
248
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,310
They don't like me.
They don't really care.
249
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:50,770
Come on, you can tell me the truth.
250
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,231
Go ahead. Right between the eyes,
give it to me.
251
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:57,819
Well, I suppose you're not the most
popular person in the bar.
252
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,320
Oh, and you are, huh?
253
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:06,369
Doc, do you suppose comments like that
are part of the problem?
254
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:07,453
Could be.
255
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,123
God, I don't believe it.
256
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:14,460
I mean, all these years,
and I never realized it.
257
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,714
Could I really be
that insensitive?
258
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,427
Cliff.
259
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:26,514
Oh, God. I am insensitive.
260
00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:28,266
Hey, sorry there,
old-timer.
261
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,477
What can I do about it?
262
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,354
A little therapy
might not be amiss.
263
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,815
Oh, no, doc. isn't there
something better than therapy?
264
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:38,818
Something a little quicker?
You know, a little easier?
265
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:42,780
We're talking about a major personality change,
Cliff. It's not you're trying to quit smoking.
266
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:45,491
We can't give you an electric shock
every time you reach for a cigarette.
267
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,827
Hey, yeah, that's not
a bad idea.
268
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,954
Now just calm down.
269
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,332
Maybe I'm overstating
the problem.
270
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,876
Maybe all you need to get people
to like you a little better
271
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,878
ls just some good
old-fashioned politeness.
272
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:59,213
Maybe you don't need to take
any desperate measures.
273
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,924
Oh, yes, he does.
274
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,478
So you get a hold of him?
275
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:17,315
No, no. I just get the darn answering machine
all the time.
276
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:18,691
I hate that message.
277
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,985
It's not so much
the content of the message.
278
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:24,405
It's the fact that Cliff sings it to
the tune of Volare.
279
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,283
Well, he's got to come back
sooner or later.
280
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:28,868
Look, I suggest that when he does,
281
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,995
We all give him
a very warm welcome.
282
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:31,913
- Yeah.
- Good idea.
283
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,832
Well, all I'm promising
is not to treat him like a bug.
284
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,503
Well, you see Carla's willing to go
that extra mile.
285
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,338
Hello, Frasier.
286
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:41,547
Ah.
287
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,093
Hello, blossom-bottom,
how was your lesson?
288
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:48,388
I like driving.
It's a wonderful feeling.
289
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,598
Total control
of woman over machine--
290
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:55,269
The speed, the power,
the ecstasy... I was jazzed.
291
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,232
You know,
292
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,025
You're insane.
293
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,153
You're a maniac.
You're certifiable.
294
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:06,364
I'm glad to see
you're talking to me again.
295
00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:07,740
Has your nose
stopped bleeding?
296
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,534
Jeez, Sam,
are you all right?
297
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,202
No thanks to your wife.
298
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:14,080
I cannot believe you made that gesture
to that guy.
299
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:19,210
I see people make that gesture
to Frasier all the time.
300
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,256
Yeah, but Frasier's not driving
an 18-wheeler
301
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,759
with a little bumper sticker
that says "insured by Smith & Wesson."
302
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:29,887
Well, he cut me off.
303
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:31,722
That happens all the time.
304
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:35,393
It doesn't mean that you gun it up to 80
and run the guy off the road.
305
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:39,564
I blew his doors off, didn't I?
306
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:44,110
And the last thing you want to do
is stop the car, get out,
307
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,779
And start poking your finger
in the folds of his neck.
308
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:49,657
I wasn't afraid. I thought
you could handle him.
309
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,200
Yeah, well, I tried, didn't I?
310
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:55,121
Oh, yes, that vicious head butt
to his fist sent him reeling.
311
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:59,333
Come on, honey.
Let's hurry and have lunch.
312
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,711
I'm anxious to take you
for a spin.
313
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,379
Certainly, my dear.
314
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,673
Lots of luck, doc,
you know, she's a menace.
315
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:09,260
You are a hazard to every driver
and pedestrian on the road.
316
00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:11,762
I'll tell you something else.
You shouldn't be allowed to get
317
00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:14,974
anywhere near anything with wheels
because you are by far
318
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:19,187
the worst, the most dangerous,
the most maniacal driver I've ever seen!
319
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:22,148
I was fine.
320
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,406
Now, Cliff, let me
remind you again,
321
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:32,825
that it's extremely unorthodox to use
shock aversion treatment
322
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,952
outside the clinic.
I make no guarantees--
323
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:35,995
Yeah, look, we covered all that.
324
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,622
It's time to go for broke,
all right?
325
00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:39,415
Whatever you say.
Are your contacts in place?
326
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,459
Yeah, here, better test it
just to make sure.
327
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:44,170
Good idea.
Say something obnoxious.
328
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,464
What do you mean, obnoxious?
I don't know what's obnoxious.
329
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:47,673
You're the
so-called expert.
330
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,342
Eeh! Perfect.
331
00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:54,680
Guys, look. It's Cliff.
He's back.
332
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,974
Ok, remember, this is his first time back
since the operation,
333
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:59,143
So just make a big welcome for him
334
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,770
and act like you're interested
in everything he has to say.
335
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:02,480
- Hey, guys.
- Hey!
336
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:03,648
Yay!
337
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,024
All right!
338
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:08,361
Hey, hardly recognized you
out of uniform, big guy.
339
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,280
Yeah, listen, we're so sorry
we didn't come down to the hospital.
340
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,448
No problem.
341
00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:14,283
So how was the operation?
342
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:16,077
Yeah, yeah, how much did they shave?
343
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:19,413
I don't want to bore you
with stories about me.
344
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:21,791
I'm more interested in what
you guys have been up to.
345
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:26,587
I don't know, uh...
346
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:29,882
- Usual stuff--
- No, no. Don't be shy.
347
00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:32,176
Come on, share with me.
348
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:35,388
Sam's giving Dr. Sternin
driving lessons.
349
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,558
Should be giving her
personality lessons.
350
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:39,725
Eeh!
351
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:45,523
But, uh, who among us is perfect?
352
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:48,526
So, uh...
353
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,779
When are you getting
back to the route?
354
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:55,825
Doc said an ordinary guy
would be out for three weeks,
355
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,868
but with my incredible
physical stamina...
356
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,620
Uhh! Three weeks.
357
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,000
Cliff ie, are you okay?
358
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:08,045
- You know--
- Oh, yeah. A little pain from the stitches.
359
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:10,798
- Mmm, oh, wow.
- You know, it's lucky you dropped by.
360
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:13,593
We were having this argument.
Maybe you can settle it for us.
361
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,762
We were wondering who came up
with that great post office phrase--
362
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,307
You know, rain, sleet,
dark of night--
363
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:20,600
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
364
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:27,773
Excuse me.
365
00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:33,070
- He did ask.
- Okay, but keep it short.
366
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,992
Well, then... you know,
interestingly enough,
367
00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:43,080
it harks back to the early
Persian empire, about 500 BC.
368
00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:44,749
- Is that right?
- Good.
369
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,293
Oh, yeah, yeah.
As a matter of fact,
370
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,087
A lot of our ancient wonders
are postal-related.
371
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:51,797
- Get out.
- Oh, yeah, no, really.
372
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,925
The pyramids, for example--
they were post offices.
373
00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:58,012
And the Sphinx-- that was
a late night drop-off. Eeh!
374
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,058
But... I digress.
375
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:05,227
- Cliff...
- Huh?
376
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:08,147
When you were in the hospital,
did they give you a lobotomy?
377
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,358
I mean, it suits you.
378
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:14,487
Oh, boy, did I miss
this good-natured ribbing. Eeh!
379
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:17,907
Excuse me.
380
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:25,247
Getting a little trigger-happy
with that thing, aren't you?
381
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:29,377
- You sounded a little sarcastic.
- I wasn't being sarcastic.
382
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:30,878
Judgment call.
383
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,339
Fair enough.
384
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:34,840
Welcome back, Cliff.
385
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,550
Eeh!
386
00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:40,721
- What the hell was that for?
- Oh, sorry, thumb spasm.
387
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:48,020
Well, it's good to be back.
So who's going to buy me a beer? Eeh!
388
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:50,856
Come on. It was a joke, you bozo.
389
00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:55,444
Eeh! Stop that.
Eeh! I said stop that!
390
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:58,823
All right,
the experiment's off! Eeh!
391
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:03,202
You're a quack! Eeh!
Eeh! Eeh! Eeh! Eeh!
392
00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:18,509
Okay! Let's see how you like it, pal.
393
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,435
Remember, we still have
your deposit on that unit!
394
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,447
So, what were we talking about?
395
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:47,329
Cliff... what's going on here?
396
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,624
Where?
397
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,043
Come on, Cliff.
398
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:59,258
Well, it's some harebrained scheme
I came up with.
399
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,552
When you guys didn't visit me
in the hospital,
400
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:04,430
I knew it was because I wasn't popular.
401
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:07,933
So I... went down to this
aversion therapy place
402
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:11,896
And bribed the guy to give me a shock
every time I acted like a jerk.
403
00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:14,607
I thought it could make me
a different person.
404
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,402
Guess it didn't work, huh?
405
00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:20,237
I'd better be going.
406
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:23,324
I'll see you guys later.
407
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:26,994
As a matter of fact,
I guess I won't, huh?
408
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:39,548
He'll be back.
409
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,510
- Yeah, sure he will.
- I don't know.
410
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:45,179
Yeah, he kind of sounded
different this time.
411
00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:46,514
Somebody ought
to go get him.
412
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,557
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah,
413
00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:50,434
But who?
414
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:52,770
I want Norm.
415
00:21:57,399 --> 00:21:59,693
- Looks like you're up, big fellow.
- Yeah.
416
00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:01,737
I'll have to see if I can go catch him, huh?
417
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:05,950
Cliff ie!
418
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:07,660
Cliff.
419
00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:11,497
Come back in here, you big mug.
420
00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:15,543
You know we love you, huh?
This place wouldn't be the same without you.
421
00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:17,002
Yeah, yeah, sure.
422
00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:19,338
No, and we owe you a big apology
423
00:22:19,505 --> 00:22:22,216
for not going to visit you
in the hospital.
424
00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:24,552
And?
425
00:22:25,302 --> 00:22:26,846
We're sorry we made you feel
426
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:29,598
like you had to do all that
dumb shock therapy stuff.
427
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:32,268
- Yeah.
- Absolutely.
428
00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:33,435
And?
429
00:22:33,727 --> 00:22:37,314
And, uh... it wasn't really necessary
430
00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:40,025
'cause we're the jerks, and you're not.
431
00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:41,861
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
432
00:22:43,946 --> 00:22:44,947
And?
433
00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:47,783
Don't push it, Clavin.
434
00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:50,828
Now, now, Carla, stop your blubbering.
435
00:22:52,997 --> 00:22:56,250
Well, I guess I'm a big enough man
to accept your apologies,
436
00:22:56,417 --> 00:23:01,380
And I guess there are one or two things
I could change about my personality,
437
00:23:01,547 --> 00:23:04,800
and, well, let's start with this.
innkeeper,
438
00:23:05,426 --> 00:23:07,636
champagne on me for all my friends.
439
00:23:07,803 --> 00:23:08,762
- Oh.
- All right.
440
00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:10,514
- Great.
- All right.
441
00:23:10,973 --> 00:23:11,932
- Sammy?
- Yeah.
442
00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:14,351
Let's make it the cheap stuff, okay?
443
00:23:15,978 --> 00:23:17,062
Unh!
444
00:23:18,564 --> 00:23:19,565
All right,
who's got the button?
445
00:23:19,815 --> 00:23:21,025
Not here.
446
00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:24,028
Dance, mailman.