1
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:04,046
Cheers <i>is filmed
before a live studio audience.</i>

2
00:00:04,213 --> 00:00:05,631
I'm sorry, Dr. Crane.

3
00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:07,674
I just don't understand
this word association stuff.

4
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,552
All right. Allow me to demonstrate.
Now, I'll say a word,

5
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:13,096
then you say the first word
that you think of.

6
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:15,057
Norm, we'll start with you.

7
00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:16,225
Over.

8
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:17,226
Under.

9
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:18,393
Inside.

10
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:19,937
Outside.

11
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:20,854
Bottom.

12
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:21,939
Thermostat.

13
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,194
If you can make
any sense of that,

14
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,154
I got a sawbuck here
with your name on it.

15
00:00:29,321 --> 00:00:31,240
Okay. You're on. It might not
be a total non sequitur.

16
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:34,493
Let me see. Perhaps in the house
Woody grew up in,

17
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:36,787
the thermostat was
at the bottom of the stairs.

18
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,288
Actually, it was in the kitchen.

19
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,332
I'll take cash or check.

20
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:41,833
No, no, or...

21
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,878
Well, the heater may have been
in the cellar,

22
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,421
and so was at
the bottom of the house.

23
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,674
- Nope.
- "Thermostat" is difficult to spell.

24
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,384
Woody was at the bottom
of his class?

25
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,303
Woody, did you turn up the heat again?

26
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:54,513
Yes, Miss Howe.

27
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,390
I told you it's too hot in here.

28
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,432
Now, if you keep
turning it up,

29
00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:58,725
I have to keep
turning it down.

30
00:00:58,934 --> 00:00:59,893
That wouldn't be
a problem,

31
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,103
but they put the damn thermostat

32
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,479
in such an awkward place.

33
00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:05,607
I can...

34
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:09,695
Barely reach it.

35
00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:10,821
Sorry, Miss Howe.

36
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:02,331
Frasier, where the hell
have you been?

37
00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:04,458
You were supposed
to pick me up at the airport.

38
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:08,503
Well, I didn't do
a very good job of it, did I?

39
00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,633
Well, welcome home, dear.

40
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:13,592
Where have you been?

41
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,344
Paris. Perhaps you remember.

42
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,220
We liberated it
during the war.

43
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:20,057
Now that I recall,
you did say something about it.

44
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,767
Well,
I've just been so damn busy.

45
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:24,311
You do forgive me, don't you?

46
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,314
Of course.
I could never stay mad at you.

47
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,899
Well, how was Paris?

48
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,942
It was thrilling.
The City of Light.

49
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,153
- Here.
- What's this?

50
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,488
A souvenir.

51
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,740
I'm tired of your pin-striped boxers.

52
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,076
They're dull, unimaginative,
and bourgeois.

53
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:40,619
Well, they always speak
very highly of you.

54
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:50,921
An eye patch.

55
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,134
No, you ninny.
It's French underwear.

56
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,679
It doesn't leave much
to the imagination there,

57
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,138
does it, Frase?

58
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,182
Not that I was imagining anything.

59
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,230
They're all the rage
in Paris.

60
00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,607
They sell them everywhere.
I bought these at the Louvre.

61
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:11,858
Well, dearest...

62
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,529
I do appreciate the gift,
dearest, but...

63
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,364
I don't know if they're really me.

64
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:20,158
Well, don't make up your mind
before you even try them on.

65
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:22,119
Yeah, what do you say, Frase?
Strap 'em on.

66
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,666
Well, I suppose I could slip
into the bathroom for a moment.

67
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:28,750
Oh, Frasier, do.

68
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,003
Say, what am I gonna do
with the old pair?

69
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,131
Save them.
I'm making a memory quilt.

70
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:39,594
Sam, phone for you.

71
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,096
It's Judy.

72
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:42,347
Judy.

73
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:43,974
Hi!

74
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,809
Well, of course I remember you.

75
00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,018
You're kidding me?

76
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,478
Why, that's just around the corner.

77
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:49,771
Listen, why don't you
come on over?

78
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:53,859
We could replay
all the old memories.

79
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,318
All right.

80
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:56,361
Judy who?

81
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,615
She didn't say, Sam.

82
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,534
How many Judys have you dated?

83
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,995
Well, let's see.
There was Judy Johnson, right?

84
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,663
The tall redhead, remember?

85
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,081
She had freckles, great legs.

86
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,167
Yeah. There was Judy Patinski.

87
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,126
Oh, yeah.

88
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,627
Judy Chang.

89
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,087
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
How come you guys

90
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,922
remember my love life
better than I do?

91
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,549
I think it meant more to us,
Sammy.

92
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,138
Wasn't there...

93
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,639
A Judy Marlowe?

94
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:27,309
Oh, that's the one.
I remember now.

95
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:28,852
Sammy, hot stuff.

96
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,228
You betcha.

97
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,022
God, did we have
great times.

98
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:33,857
I remember all the playgrounds,

99
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,817
the circuses, the pony rides.

100
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,194
Excuse me, Sam.

101
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,863
Exactly how old was this Judy?

102
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:40,947
No, no. she was a divorcée.

103
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,741
She had this little girl.

104
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:45,869
Must be about, what, 15 years
since I've seen the two of them.

105
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:48,497
Just in case she comes in here
and she's not very good-looking,

106
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,749
will you do me a favor,
pretend like you're my wife?

107
00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:54,127
Okay. Give me all the money
in your wallet.

108
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,420
Carla, what are you doing?

109
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:56,463
I'm practicing.

110
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:02,093
Lilith, I have only one thing
to say to you.

111
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,386
<i>Vive la difference!</i>

112
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:10,101
Woody, I asked you

113
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,062
to bring up a case of scotch
15 minutes ago.

114
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:14,064
Now, will you just do it, please?

115
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:16,149
Sorry, Miss Howe.
Right away.

116
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,652
Get up on the wrong side
of the web?

117
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:24,908
No. I am just sick and tired
of the way I'm treated by this company.

118
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:25,867
They're trying
to break my spirit,

119
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:26,827
to bring me to my knees.

120
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,078
They want to see how long

121
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,955
It's gonna take
before I say I quit.

122
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,832
Why, what are they
wanting you to do now?

123
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,583
Throw a party.

124
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,961
Oh, my God,
these people must be stopped.

125
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:42,384
I'm supposed to throw a kiddie party
for the executives' brats.

126
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:45,595
I'll show them. I am gonna throw
the best damn party of the year.

127
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,807
I am gonna have the best food,
the best games--

128
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:51,351
Does anybody know where I can hire
a professional clown?

129
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,520
Would you settle for
a couple of amateurs with red noses?

130
00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,941
Say, you know
who you should hire? Woody.

131
00:05:58,108 --> 00:06:00,819
He's an actor,
at least a perennial understudy.

132
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,780
That's not a bad idea.
I wonder if Woody's interested.

133
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,240
Woody.

134
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:08,285
I have to hire a clown
for a children's party.

135
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,579
Do you think you could
handle the part?

136
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:13,206
Handle the part?

137
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,917
I've always wanted
to play a clown.

138
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,795
You hear that, everybody?
I get to be a clown!

139
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:21,506
I'm a clown! I'm a clown!
I'm a clown!

140
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:27,178
Sam?

141
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:28,179
Judy?

142
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:33,393
Oh, wow! What a relief!

143
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,854
What are you
talking about?

144
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,023
Well, it's been 15 years
since we've seen each other,

145
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:40,692
and you look just
as good as I do.

146
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:43,862
Hey! How you been?

147
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:44,946
I've been great.

148
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,323
Come over here.
Sit down.

149
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,533
Carla, let's have
some white wine, please.

150
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:49,993
- Guess what?
- What?

151
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,953
My daughter Laurie
came along to say hi.

152
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,705
I'd love to see her again.

153
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:55,916
Weren't the three of us--
didn't we have fun together?

154
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,584
You were always
a great uncle, Sammy.

155
00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,921
A lot of men get jealous.
They don't want to share.

156
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,673
Hey, I hope I never get
so possessive that I'm not willing...

157
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,508
Hi, Mom.

158
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:06,718
...to share.

159
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,388
Sam, you remember Laurie.

160
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,265
Hi.

161
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,436
God! You used to be so...

162
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,520
And now she's so...

163
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:18,647
So...

164
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,316
Hey! How are you?

165
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:22,776
I'm fine, Mr. Malone.

166
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,444
Mr. Malone? Hey, come on.

167
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,489
I'm the same guy that used to
push you in the swings

168
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:29,199
and give you
piggyback rides

169
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,117
and played with you
in the bathtub.

170
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,160
No, that was me.

171
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,329
Oh, right, right.

172
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,165
Look at the two of you!

173
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,793
Look at the three of us.

174
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,378
Let's look at the two of you again.

175
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:46,424
I know you two have
a lot of catching up to do,

176
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,802
but it was really good
to see you again, Sam.

177
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,512
Oh, wow! I just flashed
on the way

178
00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:53,098
You used to make me
hold your hand crossing the street.

179
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:54,516
Anyway, I'll see you.

180
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,559
Wait! Where are you going?
What's the rush?

181
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:57,936
Why is my voice so high?

182
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,690
Listen. I got an idea.

183
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,274
Why don't...

184
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:04,985
Why don't the three
of us...

185
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,487
Do one of those things
we used to do in the old days?

186
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,572
You know, get an ice cream cone
together or something?

187
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,032
I would love that.

188
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:12,659
- Do you know something, Sam?
- What?

189
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,161
I am really glad that I picked up
the phone and called you.

190
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,454
Oh, me, too.

191
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,460
Come on, Uncle Sammy!

192
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,463
There's a lot
of traffic out there.

193
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:26,715
Ha ha ha!

194
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,761
Looks like Sammy's
heading for trouble.

195
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,847
Yeah. Looks like kind of a fun trip,
though, doesn't it?

196
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,813
Carla, did you have
the soft drinks

197
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,024
Delivered to Mrs. Ridgeway's house
for the party tomorrow?

198
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,608
Ah, yeah. Four cases.

199
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,695
Kids will be burping
all through Woody's act.

200
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:50,155
Don't worry.

201
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:53,408
With this outfit and these props,

202
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,827
I'm gonna have those kids
rolling on the floor.

203
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,162
Rolling around and burping.

204
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,956
Now there's
an attractive image for you.

205
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,208
You know, Woody, I envy you.
I really do.

206
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,252
Creating laughter
can be a healing art.

207
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:07,756
Sometimes a clown can do
better than a psychiatrist.

208
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:10,300
Yeah, and you can fit
more of them into a little car.

209
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:15,138
Got my funny horn,
squirting flower,

210
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,348
my joke book. Can't miss.

211
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:20,769
Oh, yeah? Let's see an example
of a joke that can't miss.

212
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:23,229
"Did you hear about
the human cannonball?

213
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,523
It's hard to find
a man of his caliber."

214
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:31,321
Well, I don't hear any hilarity
ensuing there, Woodman.

215
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,490
You have to try both
at the same time,

216
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:35,492
the props and the jokes.

217
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:36,701
Try it again.

218
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,871
Look, this is going
to be flop city.

219
00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:41,998
"Did you hear about
the human cannonball?

220
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:43,958
It's hard to find
a man of his caliber."

221
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,969
See? can't miss.

222
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,764
Let me try this.
This looks like fun.

223
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,891
All right. "You hear about
the sword-swallower

224
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:02,060
who only eats penknives
because he's on a diet?"

225
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,071
All right.
You think that's funny?

226
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:15,406
Go ahead, Norm.
Do another one.

227
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,408
All right.

228
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,994
"Hear about the tightrope-walker
who went nuts?

229
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,455
They had to throw
a net under him."

230
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,048
You know, you're right.

231
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:33,675
It is funnier when you do it.

232
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,389
Here we go.

233
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,307
Thanks, Uncle Sammy.
That was great.

234
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,684
I've got to get to aerobics class.

235
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:43,643
I'll call you tonight, Mom.

236
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,186
Bye, honey.

237
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,105
God, kids are fun.

238
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,651
I especially loved taking her
to that department store,

239
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,820
and watching her
little face light up.

240
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,363
Obviously.

241
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:57,407
Hey, come on.
What's the matter with you?

242
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,909
I'm getting a little tired of having you
invite Laurie along with us

243
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,536
everywhere we go.

244
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:02,871
Aw, now, come on.

245
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,582
Mommy needs
a little quality time for herself.

246
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,167
Well, sweetheart,

247
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:10,420
all you had to do was ask.
Listen.

248
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,422
What do you say
I pick you up around 8:00?

249
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,966
Just the two of us
all evening.

250
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,384
Adults only.

251
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,973
Caution.
Some scenes may be unsuitable

252
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,433
for immature viewers.

253
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,726
I'll close my eyes.

254
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,192
Oh, God!

255
00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:34,611
Why? What?

256
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:36,279
What's the matter?

257
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,615
I guess I'm remembering
what happened the last time

258
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,117
You tried to pitch both ends
of a doubleheader.

259
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,914
Oh, boy.
Is it that obvious?

260
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,875
I think it was the drooling
that gave you away.

261
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,711
Yeah. Well, you see the thing is

262
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,214
that I'm really attracted to Laurie

263
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:55,673
and I want to ask her out

264
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,468
but I don't wanna stop
dating the mother at the same time.

265
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:01,304
I mean, it's like a real problem,
you know.

266
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:04,182
Gee. Must be a burden
being so sensitive.

267
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,520
Sammy, door number two.

268
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:13,900
Hey, Laurie. What'd you do?
Forget something?

269
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,860
Well, my class was canceled,
so I was going to find Mom

270
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,237
and see if she wanted
to grab some lunch,

271
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:18,321
but I guess she already left, huh?

272
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:19,364
Yeah. Just a few minutes ago.

273
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:20,740
Oh, well. It's no biggie.

274
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,367
Well, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Listen.

275
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,410
If you have a couple of minutes
on your hand here,

276
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,829
I'm about due for a break,
aren't I, Rebecca?

277
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:27,830
Hell, yes.

278
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:30,667
You've been back at work
for almost five minutes.

279
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:32,502
Wouldn't it be a hoot

280
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:36,589
if your uncle took you back
to the same zoo, but 15 years later?

281
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:37,715
How about it, guys?

282
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,175
Would that be a hoot or what?

283
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:43,596
Uncle Sammy,
you're too much.

284
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,390
I'll go bring
the car around.

285
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:48,518
Great. I'll meet you up there, okay?
Just a minute.

286
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,353
Zoos are kind of sad,
you know?

287
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,437
Yeah.

288
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,690
All those sedentary animals--

289
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,149
Can't move, can't run free,

290
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:56,442
they just sit.

291
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:57,860
Sit there and drink

292
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,946
and shovel food
in their faces.

293
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,700
Man, that is no kind of life.

294
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:12,041
Sam, you're trying to date
your girlfriend's daughter.

295
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,377
Isn't there a little voice
in the back of your mind

296
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:16,421
trying to tell you something?

297
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:18,172
A little voice?

298
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,049
Your conscience.

299
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,217
My conscience?

300
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:22,427
You mean--

301
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:23,720
You mean, like Jiminy Cricket?

302
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,016
Well, okay.

303
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:29,475
Well, yeah.
As a matter of fact,

304
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,352
I do hear this little voice,

305
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,730
but it's not coming
from the direction of my brain.

306
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,944
Sammy,
you better be careful.

307
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,863
You see, even Carla
agrees with me.

308
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:45,158
No. I'm just worried
that he's gonna blow it with both chicks.

309
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,993
How?

310
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,287
Mothers and daughters
talk to each other.

311
00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:52,290
Well, not in my family,
but usually.

312
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:55,418
Sweetheart, I've handled
trickier situations than this before.

313
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,045
You remember
that time I dated

314
00:13:57,211 --> 00:14:00,256
those lovely Henshaw triplets
all at the same time?

315
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:01,841
Sammy, first of all,

316
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,635
that was back when
you were drinking like a fish.

317
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,346
And second of all,

318
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,764
that was one chick.

319
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:24,822
Frasier, you okay, bud?

320
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:27,533
I'm a little concerned here, Norm.

321
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,744
My fingers are tingling.

322
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,496
My hand's numb.

323
00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:32,914
My feet are cold.

324
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,582
Either I'm having
a heart attack,

325
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,751
or this new French underwear
Lilith gave me is too tight.

326
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:40,838
Ah.

327
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,382
Ah. Cancel the paramedics.

328
00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:46,844
All right. All right.

329
00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,222
All right! I'm going on tonight.
I'm going on.

330
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,556
What, you mean
in your theater group?

331
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,601
Yeah, yeah.
The lead has a fever of 106.

332
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,144
The rest of the cast
tried to drag him out of bed,

333
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,312
but he kept falling down.

334
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:57,522
I get to go on.

335
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,609
Woody, are you ready to go?

336
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:03,403
We're gonna be late
for the kiddie party.

337
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,154
Oh, Miss Howe,
I hate to let you down,

338
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:06,489
but I can't be your clown.

339
00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:09,367
I'm playing Marc Antony.

340
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:11,577
"Friends, romans,
countrymen..."

341
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,413
What are you
talking about?

342
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,956
Countrymen--

343
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,207
People who live
outside the city.

344
00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:19,419
You know, shepherds,
farmers, ranchers.

345
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,878
Woody, you can't
desert me like this.

346
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:22,463
I don't have time
to get anyone else.

347
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,757
- This is the chance he's been waiting--
- Butt out.

348
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:28,261
You are the one who insisted
I hire him in the first place.

349
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,470
I was merely suggesting--

350
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,139
Where am I gonna get
another clown now?

351
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:32,807
I am ruined,
and it's your fault.

352
00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:34,475
You're the one
who got me in this mess,

353
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:35,726
you owe me a clown.

354
00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:39,439
Where do you think
I can find one now?

355
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,023
Frasier, weren't you the one

356
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,483
who said how much
you envied Woody?

357
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:43,985
Well, yes,
I did say that, but--

358
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,736
And that clowns do more good
than psychiatrists?

359
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:46,988
Oh, surely,
you're not suggesting--

360
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,906
Yeah, you'll be great, Dr. Crane.

361
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,825
Stuff's all right here
in this box.

362
00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,076
You can't miss.

363
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:56,414
Me? You want me to don
the jester's motley?

364
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:57,874
It's got to be you, Dr. Crane.

365
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,750
It takes a big man
to fill these shoes.

366
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:03,337
Well, why not?

367
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,965
I mean,
they're just children after all.

368
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:09,302
And I always have had
a special rapport with wee people.

369
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:10,970
Where's the harm?

370
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,805
All right. Let's go, Frasier.
We're late already.

371
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,891
Oh, here's your outfit.

372
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:16,809
Oh, gee, Woody, I haven't
had time to rehearse.

373
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,603
I don't know anything
about being a clown.

374
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,605
Got any last-minute
advice for me?

375
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:21,814
Just be yourself.

376
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,234
Ah. Words of wisdom.

377
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,738
Well, I'm out of here, okay?

378
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:31,240
You think Bozo the Shrink
can really cut it?

379
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:33,242
Are you kidding?
That stuff is foolproof.

380
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:36,412
The squirting flower,
the horn, the trick handkerchief--

381
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:39,499
What trick handkerchief?
You never showed us that.

382
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,584
That's the best one of all.

383
00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,753
You pull the handkerchief
out of your pocket,

384
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,505
and your pants fall down.

385
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,676
Underneath I'm wearing

386
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:54,430
these ridiculous
big red polka-dot shorts.

387
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:57,517
It's a riot.

388
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:01,938
You mean, Frasier's supposed
to be wearing those shorts?

389
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:06,692
Oh, no.

390
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,070
I forgot to give my underwear
to Dr. Crane.

391
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:10,571
I should call--

392
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:11,822
Oh no, no, I got to get
to the theater.

393
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:13,783
Listen, Carla.
Somebody should warn him.

394
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:16,452
- Would you call him?
- Of course.

395
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,882
Okay, kids, you say "hi" to Binky.

396
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,677
Hi, Binky.

397
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:38,683
Binky, do your act.

398
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,518
I don't have an act.
I'm a psychiatrist.

399
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,733
Show them your funny feet.

400
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,903
I can't.
I've got these big shoes on.

401
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,530
Oh, I see what you mean.

402
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:55,616
Say, kids, what do you think
of these feet?

403
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:56,659
I got such big feet

404
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,244
because my mother
was a goose.

405
00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,328
Want to hear me honk?

406
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,919
The real clown
was killed.

407
00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:12,008
Rebecca,
what am I gonna do?

408
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:13,884
I don't know what
you're gonna do,

409
00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:16,137
but you better think of something
quick 'cause you're mak--

410
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,180
Do the flower deal.

411
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:19,223
Oh. You mean this.

412
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,186
Hey, they like it.

413
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,354
You want to see that again,
kids?

414
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:26,731
Yeah!

415
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:32,862
I'm a clown.
I'm a clown.

416
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:43,706
Hey, guys,
wait till you hear this.

417
00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:46,292
I'm sitting at a table
in this restaurant

418
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,627
with Judy and Laurie.

419
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:51,714
The mother reaches over
and grabs my knee, and says,

420
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,758
"Sam, I want you."

421
00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,176
Get out.

422
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,553
Then, I feel the daughter
reaching over

423
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,430
and grabbing my other knee.

424
00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,515
She says,
"I want you, too, Sammy."

425
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,226
Well, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

426
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:05,853
Then I woke up.

427
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,609
You know what this dream
means, don't you?

428
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:15,696
It means you even dream
better than we do.

429
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:17,657
No. It means that Frasier's right,

430
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,909
that my conscience
is getting to me.

431
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,160
I must feel bad

432
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,329
that I'm going out
with this woman

433
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,290
while I'm trying to score
with her daughter at the same time.

434
00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:28,334
Sammy, you're scaring me.

435
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,086
How do you think I feel?

436
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:32,463
This hasn't ever
happened to me before.

437
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,965
You don't think that...

438
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,217
That I'm getting scruples?

439
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,428
Now, you just stop it
right there, buddy boy.

440
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:40,888
You're talking crazy.

441
00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:44,558
Damn it.
I really hate this.

442
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:45,935
I keep hearing
this little voice

443
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:48,229
and this time it's coming
from my brain.

444
00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:49,855
It won't shut up.

445
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,899
I got this feeling that it's
going to keep nagging me

446
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:54,068
Until I just
do the right thing

447
00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:56,195
and break it off
with the daughter.

448
00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:58,406
Wait. Sammy, Sammy, listen.

449
00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:01,033
I could probably weather
this scruples stuff,

450
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,702
but the guys,

451
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:05,663
I mean, they look up to you
so much.

452
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,331
Sammy. Sammy.

453
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:09,375
Please. Reconsider, okay?

454
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,669
A mother and her daughter.

455
00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:14,004
This was gonna be something
I could tell my grandchildren.

456
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,010
Sam, Sam, Sam.

457
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:21,262
Listen, guys.

458
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:24,056
I just have to do
the right thing here.

459
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,558
- Hi.
- Hi.

460
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:26,642
What are you doing?

461
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:28,769
I want to talk to you.

462
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,230
I hope I'm doing the right thing
coming to you.

463
00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:34,150
My mom doesn't know I'm here.

464
00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:35,776
I don't know
how to ask you this.

465
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,653
I've never done it before.

466
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,697
- Ooh.
- Ooh.

467
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:42,199
Go on.

468
00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,076
Sam, when I was a little girl,
I used to think

469
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:47,288
you were the most wonderful man
in the whole world,

470
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:48,998
and I still do.

471
00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:50,875
But I'm not a little girl anymore.

472
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,043
- Ooh.
- Ooh.

473
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,963
Could you wait a minute?

474
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:57,006
I'll be right back.

475
00:20:58,507 --> 00:20:59,925
Remember those scruples?

476
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:00,926
To the showers.

477
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:07,933
Say, Laurie...

478
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,687
I want to tell you
how happy I am that you feel

479
00:21:11,854 --> 00:21:12,980
you can come and talk to me

480
00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:15,649
because I feel
that you and I have this--

481
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:16,984
Oh. Look at that.
A new ring?

482
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:19,361
That's what I came
to ask you.

483
00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:21,113
- What?
- I'm getting married.

484
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,865
And I want you
to give me away.

485
00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:25,284
Well, you little sl--sly one.

486
00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:31,248
Who's the lucky guy?

487
00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:32,750
He's a guy I met at school.

488
00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:34,627
We've been going together
a couple of years.

489
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:37,755
You know, he's a lot
like a young you, Sam.

490
00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:41,425
Thank you.

491
00:21:41,592 --> 00:21:43,928
I can't wait to give you away.

492
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:45,721
Thank you, Uncle Sammy!

493
00:21:45,888 --> 00:21:46,680
I love you.

494
00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:48,224
Yeah, whatever.
Run along.

495
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:58,567
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't feel bad, Sammy.

496
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:00,694
I let you guys down.

497
00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:02,988
Listen, Sammy.

498
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:04,698
Sure, things didn't go
your way.

499
00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:07,076
And sure,
we're a little disappointed.

500
00:22:07,243 --> 00:22:08,494
But we'll get over it.

501
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,454
What's important here is

502
00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:12,665
that you tried to do
the wrong thing.

503
00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:17,002
Hey, that's right.
I did, didn't I?

504
00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:20,172
<i>Sammy. Sammy. Sammy.</i>

505
00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:27,972
Thank you.
Okay, now.

506
00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:31,016
I think there's some more
cake and ice cream in there for you.

507
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:34,645
Oh, Binky,
you were wonderful.

508
00:22:34,812 --> 00:22:36,564
I must admit
I was a bit worried at first.

509
00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:38,357
It took us quite a while
to warm up to you.

510
00:22:38,524 --> 00:22:39,817
Well, thank you,
kind lady.

511
00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,986
Actually,
I have a confession to make.

512
00:22:42,152 --> 00:22:45,239
I'm really Dr. Frasier Crane,
practicing psychiatrist.

513
00:22:45,406 --> 00:22:46,907
Clowning is my avocation.

514
00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:48,826
And Miss Howe.

515
00:22:48,993 --> 00:22:50,911
I will be sure to mention
to my husband

516
00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:52,788
the splendid work
you did on this party.

517
00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:54,248
Thank you,
Mrs. Ridgeway.

518
00:22:54,415 --> 00:22:56,584
Now, if you will excuse me
for a moment.

519
00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:02,423
You have no idea
how lucky we are.

520
00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:03,507
That was Woody
on the phone.

521
00:23:03,674 --> 00:23:04,925
He called
to check up on us.

522
00:23:05,092 --> 00:23:08,012
That handkerchief
is a trick handkerchief.

523
00:23:08,178 --> 00:23:10,055
If you had pulled that
out of your pocket,

524
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:12,558
your pants would have fallen
down around your ankles,

525
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:14,935
and we would have seen
those skimpy underpants.

526
00:23:15,102 --> 00:23:17,104
Oh, good Lord.
That's not the half of it.

527
00:23:17,271 --> 00:23:18,772
You see, I took off that
French torture device

528
00:23:18,939 --> 00:23:20,149
Lilith got me
earlier today.

529
00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:21,609
I've been doing this
<i>al fresco.</i>

530
00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:26,614
Dr. Crane, would you
come here for a moment?

531
00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:27,740
I'd like you
to meet my mother.

532
00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:29,158
Why, yes, I'd be delighted to.

533
00:23:29,325 --> 00:23:30,117
I've heard such
wonderful things about her.

534
00:23:30,284 --> 00:23:31,493
Ah-choo!

535
00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:33,537
<i>Gesundheit,</i> madam.
Here's my handkerchief.

536
00:23:33,704 --> 00:23:34,496
No!

537
00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:36,332
- Aah!
- Aah!

538
00:23:36,874 --> 00:23:38,709
<i>Mother! Mother!</i>