1 00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,129 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:10,344 Excuse me. 3 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:14,056 Does a Carla Tortelli LeBec née Lozuponi work here? 4 00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,266 You're talking to her. What's it to you? 5 00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:18,227 My name is Whitley Morris. 6 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,354 I represent the estate of your late grandfather, 7 00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:21,772 Antonio Lozuponi. 8 00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:23,565 No doubt you know that Antonio deserted 9 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,776 your grandmother in 1921. 10 00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:27,194 What you may not know is that he hopped a freight 11 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:28,487 to Los Angeles that year, 12 00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:31,073 taking with him only his lucky quarter. 13 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,659 He worked packing fruit until he raised enough capital 14 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:36,245 to open up his own business selling candied peaches. 15 00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,622 With the profits from this, he invested in oil, 16 00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:39,915 and through judicious management 17 00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:43,293 of his funds amassed a fortune well in excess of $20 million. 18 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,587 Miss, can I order a beer? 19 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,839 What do I look like, a waitress? 20 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,175 Go on. Go on. 21 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,553 On his deathbed, Antonio felt remorse for the family 22 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,388 he left behind in Boston, and he made out a will 23 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:55,764 leaving his entire fortune 24 00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:58,559 to the surviving Lozuponis, of which you are one. 25 00:00:58,725 --> 00:00:59,935 Yeah, yeah? 26 00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:02,688 Unfortunately, this was not discovered until the death last month 27 00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:05,691 of Antonio's unscrupulous illegitimate son Paolo, 28 00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,067 who suppressed the will 29 00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,194 and in ten short years squandered the entire fortune 30 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:11,196 on fast horses and loose women. 31 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,075 What does that leave me? 32 00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,578 Grandfather Lozuponi's lucky quarter. 33 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,246 Congratulations. 34 00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:33,654 Woody? 35 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:34,905 Yes, Miss Howe. 36 00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:36,907 I just got my butt chewed out on your account. 37 00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:38,533 Must've been a real light eater. 38 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,832 My boss was going through the personnel records, 39 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,043 and he found an alarming discrepancy. 40 00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,044 Okay... 41 00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:50,337 I confess. 42 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:54,883 I was $3.47 short on the receipts last October, 43 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:57,010 so I put money in from my pocket. 44 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,471 I always knew it would catch up with me. 45 00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,015 You don't have to say anything, Miss Howe. 46 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,684 I'll get my things and leave quietly. 47 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,727 Woody, I'm not talking about that. 48 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,771 Oh. Then never mind. 49 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,774 Woody, the comptroller found out 50 00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,693 that you have been working at Cheers for four years, 51 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:15,070 and you have never taken one vacation. 52 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:18,115 That's true. I have a perfect attendance record. 53 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:21,993 Well, you have to take one now. It's company policy. 54 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,204 Well, I don't like vacations. I like working here. 55 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,580 I like the people. 56 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,207 Well, why should I leave? What's the point? 57 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,750 The point is a happy workplace! 58 00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:31,128 The point is dealing with stress. 59 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,295 Look at you, Woody. Can't you see 60 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,715 that you're on the verge of an emotional burnout? 61 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,509 Gee, I am beginning to feel a little on edge. 62 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:40,887 I'm sorry, Woody. 63 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,682 Woody, why don't you just do this for me, please? 64 00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,976 Why don't you go take a trip and see your folks? 65 00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:47,394 My folks were just here. 66 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:50,021 Whoa, Woody. Your parents were in Boston? 67 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,690 Why didn't you bring them by to meet us? 68 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:53,734 What, like they got nothing better to do? 69 00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,194 Good point. 70 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:57,946 I'm gonna call the corporate travel agent 71 00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:00,449 and have her create a wonderful trip for you, Woody. 72 00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:01,658 You're gonna love it. 73 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,535 If you say so, Miss Howe. 74 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,079 Look, Woody, travel is great. 75 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,123 When I left the country to go see expo, it gave me 76 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,916 a whole new slant on life. 77 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,460 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 78 00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,253 You haven't lived until you've seen Bonanza 79 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,422 dubbed into French Canadian. 80 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:17,340 Woody, let's go. 81 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,384 So, Frase, where's Lilith these days? 82 00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:23,013 It's been three or four weeks since we've seen old death with hips. 83 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,892 You're not trying to hide her from us, are you? 84 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,685 No, no. Why would I do a thing like that? 85 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,437 How's she handling her pregnancy? 86 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,439 Same as any other woman, 87 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,024 perfectly normal. Nothing unusual. 88 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,651 Well, true, she does experience 89 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,403 the occasional temporary hormonal imbalance, 90 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:41,531 but you know Lilith. She's so repressed emotionally 91 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,241 that only her husband would notice. 92 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:47,370 Lay your hands upon me, everyone. 93 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:48,663 I am life. 94 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:54,795 Oh, boy. 95 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,964 I am mother. 96 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,592 My man's seed is nourished within me. 97 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,054 Touch my breasts, my friend. 98 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:05,305 I am lactating. 99 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,480 Well, I tell you, this is kind of a first for me, 100 00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:16,399 but I'm going to pass. 101 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:19,903 Forgive me for bursting in on you 102 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,781 but the little bud couldn't bear to be parted from his/her daddy 103 00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:24,241 another instant. 104 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,576 Whisper to him/her through my navel. 105 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,163 Later, after I finish this drink. 106 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:31,957 Perhaps a few more. 107 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,335 Oh, Carla, sister-woman... 108 00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:38,463 Why didn't you ever share with me 109 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,674 the religious wonder of this experience 110 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,259 when you were great with child? 111 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,261 I was too busy puking. 112 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:48,390 A small price to pay for becoming a fountain of life. 113 00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,600 A moist, nourishing acre of loam, 114 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,770 from which shall spring the future of the human race. 115 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:55,981 Speaking of puking, 116 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,566 would you excuse me for a minute? 117 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,402 I am a cradle of life. 118 00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:03,113 My womb is the Tigris and the Euphrates. 119 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:07,367 I am a slender tendril reaching back to the primordial ooze. 120 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:12,414 I'm planning on having her committed. 121 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,334 It must've been a very difficult decision for you. 122 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:17,669 Oddly enough, no. 123 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:22,757 I don't know what they did with the birth goo, 124 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:24,426 and I don't want to know. 125 00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:27,178 But the placenta is the tidal pool of life. 126 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,472 I'm planting mine under a tree in the backyard 127 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,933 so my nutrients can feed its roots. 128 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,185 I shall become one with the planet. 129 00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:37,480 I shall suckle the earth itself. 130 00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,190 I shall unite with... 131 00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:41,276 For God's sake, woman, get hold of yourself! 132 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:44,905 You're having a baby! Big deal. 133 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:47,741 A fly is a mother a thousand times. 134 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:48,992 You don't see her making an ass of herself 135 00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:50,994 in front of her husband's friends. 136 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,539 I beg your pardon. 137 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,625 Well, Lilith, it was fine in the privacy of our own home, 138 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,543 but, I mean, now you're embarrassing me 139 00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,545 in front of people who would like to be my peers. 140 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,052 I'm sorry, Frasier. 141 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,470 I thought you were as enraptured 142 00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:10,597 by this life force we're creating as I am. 143 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,140 Well, I am in theory. 144 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:15,560 Oh, yes. Well, that's right. For the man, it's all theory. 145 00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:17,938 For the mother, it's the deepest, 146 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:21,149 richest, most moving, all-encompassing love 147 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,777 you'd ever hope to imagine, but I'll suppress it for you. 148 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,070 Are you happy? 149 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:27,948 That's my girl. 150 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,619 Lilith, you misunderstood. 151 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,204 I loved it. 152 00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,498 Darling? Angel face? 153 00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:37,749 Pea pod? 154 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,793 He's a dead man. 155 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,171 Yeah, put the tag on his toe, close the drawer. 156 00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,306 - Hey, Normie, looky here. - Yeah? 157 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,599 I was on my route, somebody gave me 158 00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:57,602 a box of chocolates. You want one? 159 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,188 - Yeah. - Here you go. 160 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:01,773 Assortment, huh? 161 00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,149 You know, I like butter creams, 162 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,193 but I can never tell which one's which. 163 00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:08,613 No. 164 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:12,742 Not this one, either. 165 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,038 Hey, Frase. 166 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,374 What's the latest with Madame Ovary? 167 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,754 Oh, she's fine. 168 00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,382 You don't sound too happy about it. 169 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,884 Well, frankly, Sam, I'm not. 170 00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:32,303 I feel like hell for what I said to her the other day. 171 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,431 I've taken the most beautiful experience of her life and turned it 172 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:38,101 into something as pedestrian as flossing one's teeth. 173 00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:41,229 I wish I could take back every hateful word I said. 174 00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:44,649 Frase... No. Nougat. 175 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,028 Vera and I have this little technique that we use 176 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:51,823 that whenever we say something that we regret to each other, 177 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,742 we agree never to talk about it again, 178 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,035 and it works like a charm. 179 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,203 Well, Norm, I don't agree. 180 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,830 Once you start to bury your feelings, 181 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,123 you stop talking. 182 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,083 You finally don't spend any time together at all. 183 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,793 Right. Works like a charm. 184 00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:08,840 Do you believe that? 185 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,342 An entire box of chocolates and not one butter cream. 186 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,219 I hate that! 187 00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:18,641 Woody, your passport came. 188 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,310 Thanks, Miss Howe. 189 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,021 Gee, Woody, where are you going? 190 00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:25,857 Oh, I'm going to Venice and then Florence. 191 00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:29,194 Then I got to see the Seven Hills of something or other, I don't know. 192 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,571 Woody, you're gonna love Italy. 193 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,323 I'll never forget my first trip, 194 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,618 bunking in youth hostels, thumbing rides, 195 00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:39,496 this wild fling with this crazy Italian boy 196 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,081 who never told me his name, 197 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:43,958 and then one night getting hold of some cheap wine 198 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:47,837 and getting really plastered and ripping off all my clothes... 199 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,382 Changing for choir practice. 200 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,218 I was with my church group. 201 00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:59,140 Seems like you used to be a lot more fun back then. 202 00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:02,268 When did you lose this childlike love of life? 203 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,520 And why couldn't I have known you 204 00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:05,647 back when you were cheap and slutty? 205 00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:10,235 What's this, Miss Howe? 206 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,695 Oh, they just want to know who to notify 207 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,572 in case of death or accident. 208 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:17,033 What do they think is gonna happen to me over there? 209 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,785 They don't think anything is gonna happen, Woody. 210 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:19,828 Just calm down. 211 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:24,124 What's this about not smuggling foreign meats into the country? 212 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,292 What's wrong with foreign meat? 213 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,544 And if there is something wrong with it, 214 00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:30,088 what's going to happen to me after I've been eating it for a week? 215 00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,717 And look. It says here if I mutilate this passport, 216 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,678 it renders it invalid? 217 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:38,763 Suppose I'm just about to go through US customs, 218 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,682 some crazy person breaks into my luggage, 219 00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:43,685 mutilates my passport, and fills my suitcase full of meat. 220 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,775 That's a chance all travelers take. 221 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:58,908 Why, there's my Kanga and her little Roo. 222 00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,872 Do you feel the butterfly of life fluttering within you? 223 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,498 It's either that or gas. 224 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,043 Could I speak with you for a moment in relative privacy? 225 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:10,253 Of course. 226 00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:13,798 Now, I know you don't want me carrying on about the pregnancy, 227 00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,717 and, believe me, I don't intend to, 228 00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:18,636 but I thought as a doctor you might like to hear one thing. 229 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,649 What is that? 230 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:33,943 It sounds like... 231 00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:35,778 It is. 232 00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:38,281 Is it... a little heartbeat? 233 00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:41,075 My child's heartbeat. 234 00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:44,287 Life. I am a giver of life. 235 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,749 I have planted my seed. 236 00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:49,876 I am your fertile ground. 237 00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:53,463 Lo, see what we have wrought. 238 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,673 Let's go sleep on the roof nude, my dear, 239 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,508 and let the rain nourish our child. 240 00:11:57,675 --> 00:12:00,720 Yes, why not? Nude and unashamed. 241 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:04,265 Why should we be ashamed? Our child will never be ashamed. 242 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,516 Want to bet? 243 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,486 Oh, Woodman, today's the day, huh? 244 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,279 Yeah. You ready for the big trip, bud? 245 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,615 I guess so. I'm just going through this book 246 00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:23,868 trying to put together a few useful Italian phrases. 247 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,120 - Let's hear one. - All right. 248 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:29,916 "sono stato orrendamente straziato 249 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:33,127 in un disastro ferroviario. 250 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:36,172 Per favore, sparatemi." 251 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:38,007 That's great. What's it mean? 252 00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:42,470 "I have been hideously mangled in a train accident. Please shoot me." 253 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:47,141 Woody. 254 00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:53,773 - Greetings, everyone. - Ho. My goodness. 255 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:57,443 What time are you two due at the square dance? 256 00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:00,697 I'll thank you to be serious. My woman made this shirt. 257 00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,156 It's my first. 258 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,329 Yes, we've decided to stop parasitically living 259 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,455 off the labor of others. 260 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,207 From now on, we provide for ourselves. 261 00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,501 We've been examining our lives, and we've discovered 262 00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:14,877 some frightening things. 263 00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:18,548 You finally found Diane walled up in Frasier's crawl space? 264 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,512 We're so civilized, 265 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,557 we've cut ourselves off from our true animal nature. 266 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:30,601 Accordingly, we've decided to forsake the city 267 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,186 and go live in the wilderness. 268 00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,605 Yes. We're going to leave behind the 20th century, 269 00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:37,066 and I will build a cabin with my own two hands 270 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,192 and the sweat of my brow. 271 00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:39,902 You guys want these pretzels? 272 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,362 No. No thank you. 273 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,281 From now on, I only eat what I kill. 274 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:45,241 Then I suggest you kill about a half-dozen beers 275 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:46,451 and lighten up. 276 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:54,042 Don't you think you guys are getting a little carried away? 277 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,919 I mean, all of us want to chuck it all sometimes, 278 00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,422 but you can live to regret that kind of thing. 279 00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,549 I mean, believe me, I know what I'm talking about. 280 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,093 Sammy, excuse me. You're not gonna tell 281 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,763 that long, boring story about how you sold the bar 282 00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,348 and bought a boat to sail around the world 283 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:09,849 and then the boat sank, are you? 284 00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,310 No, Norm. 285 00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,522 Come on. I'm perfectly aware 286 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:20,276 how that turning point in my life means nothing to you. 287 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,488 So I'm going to tell a story about... 288 00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,783 ...a friend of mine who bought a truck 289 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,659 to drive around the world. 290 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,791 Sam, if this story is meant to discourage us, 291 00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,417 it's going to fall on deaf ears. 292 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,753 I have already burned our last bridge. I'm proud to announce 293 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,546 that the doctor has given up his practice. 294 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,340 - Oh, come on. - You did what? 295 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:45,051 Yes. We put our house on the market, 296 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,969 I helped Lilith compose her letter of resignation 297 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,554 to Boston General, 298 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,182 and I just cancelled my paranoia workshop. 299 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,601 So all we need to do now is buy a stout ax 300 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,144 and a plot of land in the wilderness. 301 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,354 And I'll stand by your side 302 00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,356 and bear your young and cook your meals. 303 00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:00,066 Try not to get them mixed up. 304 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:07,573 No. Wait. Hold it. Listen. 305 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,410 Have either of you even lived outside of the city? 306 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,495 Well, I admit we are urbanites, 307 00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,080 but we've always enjoyed the country 308 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,082 whenever we've flown over it. 309 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:21,671 Listen. Why don't you try living, you know, for a week in the woods? 310 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:22,922 See how you like it. 311 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,841 Well, that's a possibility. 312 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,968 Hey, as a matter of fact, a friend of mine 313 00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:29,011 has a cabin in Northern Maine. 314 00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,472 Sammy, he didn't take it around the world, did he? 315 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,647 Why don't you just borrow it for a little while? 316 00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:41,774 See how you like it, huh? 317 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,609 Well, it's a tempting thought. 318 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,154 - What do you think, Lilith? - Well, it's possible. 319 00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:48,614 We could put our careers on hold just for now 320 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,534 and take a few days off next week to become one with nature. 321 00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,412 By George, we'll do it. Next week, it's into the woods. 322 00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:55,746 - Great. - Thank you, Sam. 323 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:59,375 Oh, gee. if I run, I can make my 3:00. 324 00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:02,420 But, dear, you just cancelled your paranoia workshop. 325 00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:03,963 Oh, right. 326 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:05,631 Well, I'll deny it and tell them it's part 327 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,884 of a government conspiracy. They'll eat that up. 328 00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:23,983 It's perfect. 329 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,945 Not quite. What's this abomination? 330 00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:39,081 There. Now we can live like our forefathers. 331 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,626 I will go, my love. 332 00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:43,503 And I will go to Innisfree 333 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:47,048 and a cabin build there, of clay and wattles made. 334 00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:51,135 Frasier, dearest, I feel the coldness. 335 00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:52,428 It's good. 336 00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,388 Let's celebrate the coldness. 337 00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:57,475 There. That's done. 338 00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:59,519 Now let's celebrate warmness, and quickly. 339 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:04,148 Yes. Warmth. I will give my family warmth. 340 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:08,528 - Where are the matches? - I thought you brought them. 341 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,279 Are you telling me you didn't bring any matches? 342 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:13,241 No, I'm telling you you didn't bring any matches. 343 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,202 Well, not to worry. Even better. 344 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,955 Right. We'll do as our forebears did. 345 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,915 Yes. I'll go slit open a moose, 346 00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:23,084 and we can climb in and bunk there for the night. 347 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,212 It's pioneer humor. 348 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:29,382 Well, our forebears laughed. 349 00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:33,928 Oh. Here's just the thing. 350 00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:02,665 Frasier, what are you doing? 351 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:05,376 Well, I'm striking two stones together to get a spark. 352 00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:09,755 Ah. Then be ready to jump back lest a flame singe your eyebrows. 353 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,758 Lilith, please. I've never done this before, 354 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,260 and I could use some support. 355 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,636 Well, if you don't know what you're doing, 356 00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,847 why did you drag me up here in the dead of winter? 357 00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,807 Because that's when you just happened to get pregnant. 358 00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:23,394 No, I think that's when you just happened to knock me up. 359 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,272 No, I think that's when you just happened 360 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,982 to forget to take your pill. 361 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,777 I sense civilization creeping in. 362 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,363 My wild asparagus, forgive me. 363 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,532 No. It's I who should apologize. 364 00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:37,658 We don't need a fire. 365 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,535 We have our body heat to keep us warm. 366 00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,704 No, no, my wife and child need a fire, 367 00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:43,456 and I'm going to build it for them if it takes all day. 368 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,625 And we'll stand right by you while you do it. 369 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:51,756 Say, Lilith, you know, 370 00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,007 it might help me to get a rhythm going 371 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:55,343 if you would sing one of those simple work songs 372 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,136 that our forefathers so beloved. 373 00:18:58,179 --> 00:18:59,680 I don't know any work songs. 374 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,515 Well, sing whatever you do know. 375 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,894 - I only know one song. - Well, sing that, then. 376 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:10,107 My funny valentine 377 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:14,111 Sweet comic valentine 378 00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:18,699 You make me smile with my heart 379 00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:24,789 Hey, everybody! 380 00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:28,209 Hey! Woody, man, how was your vacation? 381 00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:30,920 I never had so much fun in my whole life. 382 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:33,422 Oh, I knew you'd love Italy if you'd just give it a chance. 383 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,800 Oh, well, I never actually made it to Italy. 384 00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,218 What? 385 00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:39,595 Yeah. I fell asleep and missed my flight. 386 00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,263 Okay, pay up. Pay up. 387 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:46,227 So, Woody, where were you all week? 388 00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:47,436 The airport. 389 00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:51,941 It was great. I met people from all over the world. 390 00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,904 You spent your entire vacation at the airport? 391 00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,157 Oh, yeah. I mean, at first I felt terrible 392 00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:01,242 about missing my flight, 393 00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:03,828 but then I started talking to this really nice guy, 394 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,746 and it turned out he's from India. 395 00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:08,416 Can you imagine that? 396 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:10,584 I'm from Indiana, and he's from India? 397 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,630 We laughed about that for hours. 398 00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:18,134 At least, I think that's what he was laughing at. 399 00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:23,472 Well, I'm glad you had a good time, Woody. 400 00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:25,266 I didn't expect you back today. 401 00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:28,310 I thought you needed rest, so I didn't schedule you until tomorrow. 402 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,897 Great. I'm outta here. 403 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,607 Where are you going? 404 00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:36,068 I hear great things about the bus depot. 405 00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:48,205 Stay, little valentine 406 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:51,876 Stay 407 00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:53,878 Each day is... 408 00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:55,171 Shut up! 409 00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:06,724 Oh, no. Oh, God. My finger's gonna turn black now, 410 00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:08,184 and the nail's gonna fall off. 411 00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:11,854 No one said life in the wilderness would be easy. 412 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:14,273 - Here. Let me try. - No. No, Lilith. 413 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,317 I must get back up on that horse. 414 00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:28,412 A spark! 415 00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:30,289 Lilith, did you see that? I made a spark. 416 00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:31,540 I knew you could do it. 417 00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:34,376 This is the most glorious moment in my life. 418 00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:36,253 I've never felt so proud and triumphant. 419 00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:38,380 No prouder than I, my Prometheus. 420 00:21:39,256 --> 00:21:43,135 Lilith, with these two rocks, I can accomplish anything. 421 00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:46,180 - I've never felt closer to you. - Nor I, you. 422 00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:52,061 Of course, we haven't actually achieved fire yet. 423 00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:55,231 Ah. Good point. 424 00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:58,275 Say, you know what? Grab some more of that paper, 425 00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:00,945 and we'll wad it up and use it to catch it on the spark. 426 00:22:03,197 --> 00:22:04,490 Thank you, dear. 427 00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:08,160 - Oh, a Boston paper. - Is it? 428 00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:09,829 The restaurant review section. 429 00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:11,163 Restaurants. 430 00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,749 Of course, they're raving about La Porta's. 431 00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:16,460 $200 for a dinner. How decadent. 432 00:22:16,627 --> 00:22:19,672 No doubt about it, our society is in decay. 433 00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:22,466 Can you believe we actually frequented that place? 434 00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:25,636 - Perfumed and pompous. - Living off the labor of others. 435 00:22:25,803 --> 00:22:28,514 Eating the flesh of animals we didn't even kill. 436 00:22:30,724 --> 00:22:32,184 It was good, though. 437 00:22:33,894 --> 00:22:36,021 The tarragon glaze was impeccable. 438 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:37,690 The crème brûlée was a poem. 439 00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:40,651 Of course, quality isn't the point. 440 00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:42,027 No. It's a moral issue. 441 00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:45,489 And if it's food you want, why, I'll cook you a hearty American meal... 442 00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:48,701 Lentils and okra over our open fire. 443 00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:51,453 My mouth is watering already. 444 00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:58,043 Lilith, I'm thinking something. 445 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:01,589 And I think you're thinking it, too. 446 00:23:02,506 --> 00:23:03,966 But neither of us wants to admit that we're thinking it 447 00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:05,467 for fear that the other one isn't thinking it. 448 00:23:05,634 --> 00:23:07,761 So I think it's very important 449 00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:12,266 that we both say what we're thinking simultaneously 450 00:23:12,433 --> 00:23:13,893 if indeed we are thinking the same thing, 451 00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:17,730 and I think we are. So, are you ready? 452 00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:20,566 I want to go home. 453 00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:24,320 Say, if we drive 70 all the way, 454 00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:26,405 do you think we can make it to La Porta's for the 10:00 seating? 455 00:23:26,572 --> 00:23:28,908 - No, I don't think so. - Then we'll charter a plane. 456 00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:31,827 That's the beauty of civilization. You can buy anything.