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00:00:01,585 --> 00:00:04,421
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:07,132
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
3
00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:09,468
Say, aren't you Sam Malone?
4
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Guilty as charged.
5
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Small world.
6
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Marge Thornhill here.
Don't you remember me?
7
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Boy, you know,
I can't quite place the face.
8
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Where did we meet?
9
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We didn't actually meet,
but I know you remember me.
10
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I went to every home game
you ever played.
11
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Marge, there are a lot of people
up in the stands there.
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Sure, but you got
to remember me.
13
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I always sat
right behind first base,
14
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five rows up. Remember?
15
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I used to get there early
16
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so I could watch you
warm up in the bullpen.
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I'm sorry.
18
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I know. You couldn't forget this.
19
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Hey, Malone!
You pitch like my sister!
20
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Why don't you go home
and make a dress?
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Was that you?
22
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Well, how have you been?
Guys, I want you...
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Do the one where you say
I couldn't get the ball
24
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across the plate
if I drove it there in my car.
25
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No, no. That was then,
and this is now.
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By the way, I'm really sorry
for all those shots
27
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I gave you over the years.
No hard feelings?
28
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No. Of course not.
It's all part of the game.
29
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You're a real sport, Malone.
30
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You call this a martini?
31
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What did you use
for vermouth, turpentine?
32
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The great ones never lose it.
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All right. I got it.
34
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Worst possible way to die?
35
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Being eaten alive by rats.
36
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No. I think I can do
better than that.
37
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I'd say the worst way to die
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is to be sliding down
a razor banister, okay,
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a greased razor banister.
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Wait! I've got it.
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To die alone, knowing
that you have never been loved.
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Come on, Frasier. if you're not
even gonna try... Come on.
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Carla, what are you
all decked out for?
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It's my second wedding anniversary.
45
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Oh, things are going okay
with you and Eddie?
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Just last week,
you were calling him
47
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a dent-nosed,
toothless little frog.
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Pillow talk.
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Well, actually,
I was a little upset there
50
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about the fact
that he's been on the road
51
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with the ice show
for a month now
52
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and I haven't gotten
so much as a phone call.
53
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But this morning,
I suddenly realized
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what he was doing.
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Treating you like crap?
56
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No.
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No, that's what
he wants me to think.
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It's his way of setting up
the surprise.
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So you figure he's been neglecting you
just to set you up.
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It's got to be that.
I know this man.
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00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:20,200
Woody, what time is it?
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Don't go by my watch.
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I always set it ten minutes ahead
so I won't be late for things.
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You were late this morning.
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Yeah. I know.
I couldn't find my watch.
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It's 6:30, Carla.
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Well, he's still got five and a half
more hours till midnight.
68
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,509
He's really cutting it close,
69
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but it will make it all the sweeter
when it happens.
70
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,306
Yeah. Anniversaries can be just great.
71
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:45,559
I'll never forget
my first anniversary with Vera.
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Yeah. We...
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Oh, my God, I did forget it.
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00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:53,567
Anybody know where I can get
a 17-year-old box of candy?
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Frasier, my faun,
I deserve a treat.
76
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Today, my bellybutton turned
from an innie to an outie.
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Well, this is news.
78
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:06,913
Norm, we have a few things
we'd like to ask you about.
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00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,165
Oh, great.
Must be pretty important
80
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:09,875
if you're willing
to buy me a free drink.
81
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Of course we will.
82
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A drink for Norm.
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00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:13,462
What do you drink?
84
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,509
What's so funny?
85
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It's just that everyone knows
Norm always drinks beer, dear.
86
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Ah. That is hysterical.
87
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Anyway,
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00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:28,852
Lilith and I have been talking,
and we decided
89
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:31,521
that we would like you
to decorate our unborn child's room.
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00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,356
All right. Sure. I can do that.
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00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,358
I just did a nursery
for my sister-in-law.
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00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,694
I went with gummy bears rampant
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- in a field of smurfs.
- No, no, no.
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We'd like to stay away
from that cutsie-ootsie drivel
95
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,661
that retards the child's creative
and intellectual development.
96
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,414
All right. Do we know
if it's gonna be a boy or a girl?
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00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:53,001
We are not going to cram sexual identity
down our baby's throat.
98
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,669
So, naturally,
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00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,214
the room should be sexually neutral.
100
00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,300
Great. Fine. I can do that.
When I'm finished,
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00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,219
your kid won't have a clue
what sex it is.
102
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:06,848
Hey, everybody! Listen up.
103
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,558
We only got a few minutes
to the game here.
104
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,352
Who wants in
on the basketball pool?
105
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,437
- I'm in.
- Put me down.
106
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,481
There you go, gentlemen.
107
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:15,982
Woody, how about you?
108
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I don't know, Sam. I don't like
playing games for money.
109
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You end up either losing money
or taking it from friends.
110
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No, Woody.
This is just a game, man.
111
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You know, five bucks a square.
112
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You got four quarters,
four chances to win.
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I don't know. I don't like
taking money from my friends.
114
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Go ahead, Woody.
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Nobody here gives a hoot
about you anyway.
116
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Okay. Great.
117
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Don't forget your money.
118
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This isn't gambling, is it?
119
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- Gambling?
- Sam, we have had
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this talk before.
I can get closed down.
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This? Oh, no. Thanks.
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00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,520
This is not gambling. This is...
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00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,188
Well, this is a game.
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Haven't you ever heard
of championship tic-tac-toe?
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It's a great game.
126
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- Who's next here?
- Me.
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00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:02,863
- All righty.
- It's my turn,
128
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:06,783
and I will take this square here,
129
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:10,036
and, oh, by the way, Sam,
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00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,830
here's that five bucks I owe you.
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Well, Normie, you fell right
into my trap there, buddy.
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Here you go.
133
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:22,966
Sammy, by the way,
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this slipped out of your wallet,
couple weeks ago.
135
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How stupid do you think I am?
136
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,225
I know exactly
what's going on here.
137
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Come on.
What's the big deal?
138
00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,729
It's just a friendly
little game of wagering.
139
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,398
It's a simple $500 pot.
140
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:41,234
I can't believe you people.
Do you really think
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00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,903
you're gonna get something
for nothing?
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Do you know how long
it takes me to earn $500?
143
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:49,492
Give me three squares.
144
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:55,373
Guys, get a load
of that guy over there
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00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,918
with the fake beard
and the dark glasses.
146
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Does that look
like somebody I'm married to
147
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,006
in a special anniversary disguise?
148
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,509
Well, two can play
at the surprise game.
149
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,224
Your beard might be phony,
150
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:15,435
but I know something
about you that's real.
151
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,147
Wait a minute.
You're not Eddie.
152
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:24,194
But you're not bad.
153
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:31,826
Where is Eddie?
154
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:33,870
Why haven't I heard from him?
155
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,290
It's dear to see Carla
so concerned about her mate.
156
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:39,417
Remember when you gave
that lecture in New York?
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In a fit of whimsy,
I flew in to surprise you.
158
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:43,588
It was hardly a surprise.
159
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:46,424
We booked those reservations
three weeks in advance.
160
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:47,509
So you were in on it.
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00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,260
Still, it was a wacky thing to do.
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Hey, Sam!
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End of the first quarter.
164
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,266
Oh! What's the score here?
165
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,435
26-25, Boston.
166
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,354
Let's see, the winner is...
167
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:01,856
...Woody.
168
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,733
What a shame.
You know how he feels
169
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,277
about taking any
of his friends' money here.
170
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:07,821
You think you can
talk him into it?
171
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,781
Yeah. I'll give it a try here.
172
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,075
Hey, Woodrow,
you won the first pot.
173
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,245
How much did I win?
174
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:16,955
$125.
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00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,958
Yes! Come to papa!
176
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:21,793
You suckers!
177
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,796
I'm in the money
178
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,339
I'm in the money
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00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,677
Maybe we could force him to take it.
180
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,390
Come here. Woody,
listen to me for a minute.
181
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,600
I don't want to put down
your good time here.
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Listen to me.
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00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:42,063
It's kind of a tradition
amongst gamblers,
184
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,607
especially gamblers
who want to stay alive...
185
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,069
...that you don't dance
and wave money around
186
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:49,988
in front of people
you just won it from.
187
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:51,990
Can I sing?
188
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,617
No, you can't sing.
189
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:58,038
I guess it would be out of line
to chant "In your face, in your face"?
190
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:05,712
- Evening, everybody.
- Norm!
191
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,005
What's going on,
Mr. Peterson?
192
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:08,798
A flashing sign
in my gut that says
193
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,175
"insert beer here."
194
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:12,802
Oh, Norm?
195
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:14,637
My clients.
196
00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:18,641
Guys, I've devised
a color scheme for the nursery,
197
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,602
but I have to warn you,
it's a bit drab.
198
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:21,770
Good.
199
00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:24,064
I will not have
our child emotionally attached
200
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,024
to cartoon mice
and teddy bears.
201
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:30,737
No. Our child will receive affection
from parental embraces
202
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,198
administered at generously
scheduled intervals.
203
00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:36,826
I'll bet he comes back one day
to thank you for that,
204
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,788
probably while you're sleeping.
You won't feel a thing.
205
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:48,588
Okay. 46 to 55. That's the half.
206
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:49,756
Let's see.
207
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:52,550
Clear the dance floor.
208
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:53,968
Woody won again.
209
00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:58,640
Thanks.
210
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,350
"Thanks"?
211
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,936
That's all you're going
to say? "Thanks"?
212
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,187
Well, sure.
213
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:05,522
Oh, wait a minute. Listen.
214
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:08,149
The only thing that people
hate worse than a guy who gloats
215
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,692
is a guy who stands there smug
216
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,362
when they know
that he's gloating on the inside.
217
00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:15,782
If you're going to dance,
for God's sake, dance.
218
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:20,161
I don't want to dance, you guys.
219
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,080
I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
220
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:27,043
I just want to sit here quietly
and count my bucks.
221
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,088
Let's see, that would be five...
222
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:31,673
...ten...
223
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:33,466
...15...
224
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,844
Wait. There's
something written on this five.
225
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,304
Oh, that'd be mine. Here.
Let me give you a clean one.
226
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,431
- I'll take that back.
- I don't mind.
227
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:43,434
It's all right. You get ink
all over your fingers.
228
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:44,811
Let's see what it says.
229
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:47,939
"Happy 30th birthday, Cliff ie-bits.
230
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,566
Sorry I didn't have time to shop.
231
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:50,900
Love, Ma."
232
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:59,200
You've been carrying around
a gift from your mother for ten years?
233
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,411
No, Sammy. The post office
just delivered it yesterday.
234
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,165
Yeah, very funny.
235
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,416
You're just jealous
because I've got a ma
236
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,459
who sends me five bucks
on my birthday, and you don't.
237
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:09,502
What are you talking about?
238
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,921
Your ma sends me
money all the time, Cliff.
239
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,798
I got one right here, actually.
240
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,717
"Dearest Norm,
thanks for hanging out
241
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:16,801
with my dorky son.
242
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:19,637
You're a saint.
Love, Ma Clavin.
243
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:23,516
P.S. I'm writing this in the nude."
244
00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:28,354
My ma didn't write that!
My ma's never been nude in her life!
245
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:34,986
I got some flowers here
for a Carla LeBec.
246
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:38,323
Oh, yes! Let the present parade begin.
247
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:42,160
I wonder what Eddie's plan is?
248
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,661
Flowers every hour?
249
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,080
Or maybe the presents are just
gonna get bigger and bigger
250
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,832
as the night goes on.
251
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:51,336
I'll tell you, I wouldn't be surprised
if I left here tonight
252
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,463
with an electric fondue set.
253
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:55,715
Yes!
254
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,634
"Happy second anniversary,
255
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,220
Your loving husband,
Edward LeBec."
256
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:02,180
What a guy.
257
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,182
Yeah, boy, that's really sweet, Carla.
258
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,725
Nice flowers, too.
259
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:11,105
I hear that keeps them fresh longer.
260
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,151
Hey! Where you going?
What is that about?
261
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,070
Those flowers weren't from Eddie.
262
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,196
What are you talking about?
263
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:22,367
His real name isn't Edward. It's Guy.
264
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,745
- What?
- G-U-Y. Guy.
265
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,749
People just call him Eddie
because it's too weenie to say Guy.
266
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:33,336
All right, which one
of you dirt bags
267
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:35,213
sent those gorgeous flowers?
268
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,966
Hey, come on.
We didn't send those.
269
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:42,929
You know, I'll bet you Eddie spent
about $50 for those flowers.
270
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,056
50? You told me
it was going to be 35.
271
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,353
Oh, God! I don't believe
that you guys don't think
272
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,105
Eddie's gonna come through.
273
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,025
I'll tell you, I got faith in Eddie.
274
00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:58,194
He's the best husband
in the whole world,
275
00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:01,030
and he's going
to come through. You'll see.
276
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,036
She's right, you know.
277
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:11,791
Yeah. Seeing a wife stand up
for her husband like that
278
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,626
makes me realize
what I have at home.
279
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,004
Guess that's kind of why I'm here.
280
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:22,343
Yeah. Two dozen, long-stemmed,
281
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:25,221
and make the card out "To Carla,
282
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,598
with all my love, Guy."
283
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,727
Yeah. Guy, as in "geek."
284
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,362
Well, Carla, it's midnight.
285
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:43,781
Anniversary's over.
286
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,992
No, Sam. It's over here.
287
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:50,413
Where Eddie is, it's still going on.
He's got almost three hours left.
288
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,418
Carla LeBec?
289
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:58,504
Flowers.
290
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,424
There you go.
291
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,802
Aren't you a little old
for a delivery boy?
292
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:06,512
It's my father's night off.
293
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:09,515
Hey, wow!
294
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:10,558
Thank you.
295
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:17,065
Does anybody know
who these are from
296
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:18,316
and who they're for?
297
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:19,901
Cliff's mom? For me?
298
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,447
No. They're from Eddie LeBec
299
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:27,033
for me for our anniversary.
300
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:31,162
Now are you guys satisfied,
or would you like to sit on these?
301
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,998
- Boy, that's love for you.
- Yeah, really.
302
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,291
I got a tear in my eye.
303
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:36,459
Yeah? You're gonna have
this in your eye
304
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,086
if you don't lay off my mom!
305
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:43,049
Oh, Carla, those are gorgeous.
306
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,384
Who sent them?
307
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:45,760
Who do you think?
308
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,804
Oh, isn't Eddie sweet?
309
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:51,015
Oh, why can't
more men send flowers?
310
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,726
I didn't know
Mormons couldn't send flowers.
311
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,608
I said "more men," not "Mormons."
312
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,111
I know they can't dance.
313
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:06,989
No, Sammy, that's the Amish.
314
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,283
Why can't Mormons send flowers?
315
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,494
- They can.
- Then what are you talking about?
316
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:14,664
I just wish someone
would send me some damn roses.
317
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,832
Why does it have
to be a Mormon?
318
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,166
Oh, God!
319
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:19,836
Cheers.
320
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:23,506
Some people you just
can't discuss religion with.
321
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,385
Carla, that was your florist.
322
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,387
They didn't accept
your credit card for the flowers.
323
00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:30,513
You got to bring them cash.
324
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,604
Okay, Eddie didn't send the flowers.
325
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:39,939
I sent them to myself.
326
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,400
I just figured that
327
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:44,777
when he did do
his wonderful surprise,
328
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,989
it might be later,
and you guys might miss it,
329
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:51,075
so just get off my case!
It's going to happen, okay?
330
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,205
There is one bright side to all this.
331
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:57,874
- Yeah? What's that?
- You're gonna have
332
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,584
the sweetest-smelling garbage
on the block.
333
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,966
Sammy, that's the end
of that game.
334
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:10,553
- Who's the winner?
- Oh, dear. Guess who.
335
00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,264
Yes! Again!
336
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,434
A clean sweep
for the board machine!
337
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,186
All four quarters are mine.
338
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,855
Hey, here's three bucks.
go buy yourselves some luck.
339
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:24,901
I'm sorry, Woody,
but you're wrong.
340
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:26,944
Rebecca won.
341
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:28,029
What?
342
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,784
Well, I hope you learn
from my example.
343
00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:37,663
I'm going to show you
how a really gracious winner behaves.
344
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,791
Read 'em and weep, farm boy!
345
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,171
Excuse me, miss.
346
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,255
Yes, sir?
347
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:49,592
I'm Detective McGuiness,
Boston Police Department.
348
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,262
I'm off duty here,
but for your sake,
349
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:56,516
I really hope there isn't
any gambling going on here.
350
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,184
Gambling?
351
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,186
No, sir.
352
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:02,188
I earned this money.
353
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,358
I'm a prostitute.
354
00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:12,865
That isn't better, is it?
355
00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:17,662
No. This is just a little joke.
We play a little game here,
356
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,080
but we never play for keepsies.
357
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:22,083
See? I take the money in,
and I give the money back like this.
358
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,961
Give this back to me later.
359
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,214
- I'll get it!
- Give that back.
360
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:30,675
Cheers.
361
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:32,969
Yeah?
362
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,596
Great! Great!
363
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:37,974
That was Serafina.
364
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,351
Anthony's on his way
over here with a package
365
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,353
for me from Eddie right now.
366
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:43,563
Hey, good for you.
367
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:46,023
That's him! That's Anthony
with my present.
368
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:50,653
Woody.
369
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,740
- Why didn't he come in?
- No brakes in the car.
370
00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:58,744
- How does he stop?
- He either swerves into hedges
371
00:17:58,911 --> 00:17:59,996
or he coasts around the block
372
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,039
until he can stop
the car with his foot.
373
00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:05,126
Oh, man, this is
going to be good.
374
00:18:11,382 --> 00:18:12,550
Laundry?
375
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,176
He sends you his laundry?
376
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,721
Well, yeah, once a month,
377
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,515
but this has got to be
some kind of joke.
378
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:22,685
He wouldn't send it
on our anniversary.
379
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:26,564
There's got to be a present
packed in here, right?
380
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,650
Oh, that Eddie. What a guy,
381
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,944
packing a present
in some laundry.
382
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:35,323
It's got to be
in here somewhere.
383
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,869
It's got to be in here.
384
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:49,337
Guess I was wrong.
385
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:02,892
What are you all looking at?
386
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:09,023
What are you avoiding looking at?
387
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:11,817
I know what you guys think.
388
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:12,985
You think he forgot.
389
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,696
You think my marriage
is in big trouble,
390
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,699
and Eddie's turning
into my typical creep husband.
391
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:22,036
Well, it's not true, so just
go back to your stupid lives.
392
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:24,163
Norm, order a beer.
393
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,957
Clavin, bore us.
394
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:28,918
Oh, Woody, why don't you tell us
395
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,795
about how another one
of your relatives
396
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,255
lost a body part
in some farm equipment?
397
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,509
Did I ever tell you
about my aunt Lefty?
398
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:37,760
Shut up!
399
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:43,557
Just go on back
to your sad, pathetic lives.
400
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:45,976
Me, I'm going home.
401
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:49,855
I'm going to go sit in a dark room
and have some fun.
402
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,191
Putting on a Gene Pitney record
403
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:56,821
and I'm gonna slice Eddie's face
out of every picture in the house.
404
00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:58,322
Hey, how you doing?
405
00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:00,783
No. I don't think she can come
to the phone, Eddie.
406
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:02,827
- She has plans for the evening.
- Give me that phone!
407
00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:07,123
Is this really Eddie?
408
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:08,708
Sure, it's me, babe.
409
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,210
Listen, honey, I'm sorry
I couldn't come home.
410
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,796
I wanted to make
last year's celebration look sick.
411
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,757
I already got my plane ticket,
I'm at the airport, and everything.
412
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:18,551
And they call me
back to rehearsal.
413
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,886
They changed the whole script
in the ice show.
414
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:24,098
They've taken all the humanity
out of the big bad wolf,
415
00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:27,309
and the three little pigs think
they're God's gift to ice.
416
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,770
I really don't want
to talk about it.
417
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:33,065
Eddie, when am I going
to see you again?
418
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,067
Gee, I guess in a couple of months.
419
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:37,445
A couple of months?
420
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:39,530
Listen, honey, I got to go.
421
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:42,825
The bus is about to leave for Yakima,
and if I don't make it quick,
422
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:45,161
the pigs will grab
all the good seats.
423
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:47,621
Hey, Eddie, I love you.
424
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,291
I love you, too, sweetie. Bye.
425
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:56,422
Hey, everybody, listen up!
426
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,924
I want you all
to repeat after me.
427
00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:02,178
I am a very stupid person.
428
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:05,347
I am a very stupid person.
429
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,475
And I will never doubt
430
00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:10,978
the undying love
and total commitment
431
00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:13,564
that exists, always has existed,
432
00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:15,149
and always will exist
433
00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:17,777
between Carla and Eddie LeBec.
434
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,489
I am a very stupid person.
435
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:23,699
Close enough.
436
00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:25,284
Well,
437
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:27,161
turns out the only reason
438
00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:29,497
he didn't surprise me
was he had to rehearse.
439
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:32,666
That ought to show
you mo-mos a lesson.
440
00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:36,295
Well, that was Eddie on the phone.
441
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:37,338
Hey.
442
00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:41,342
Isn't that just the nicest,
sweetest thing for Eddie to remember?
443
00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:44,470
- Yeah, Carla, it sure was.
- Yeah.
444
00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:52,102
You called to remind him,
didn't you, rat lips?
445
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:55,105
How could I?
446
00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,107
I don't even know where he is.
447
00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:59,944
Sammy, I'm gonna ask you again,
and I'm warning you...
448
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:03,030
Don't back up. I'm not gonna
hurt you, you wimp.
449
00:22:03,197 --> 00:22:04,114
All right.
450
00:22:07,117 --> 00:22:09,662
The women in my family
for generations
451
00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:13,415
have had absolutely no talents
or gifts but one...
452
00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:19,255
We can make up any curse
and make it stick. Okay?
453
00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:21,006
Now, tell me the truth,
454
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:24,009
or my curse on you
is going to be...
455
00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:26,262
Let me think of a good one here.
456
00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:29,098
No. Not the hair.
Anything but the hair.
457
00:22:30,307 --> 00:22:31,559
Okay, okay.
458
00:22:34,478 --> 00:22:35,396
Your eyes...
459
00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:37,273
Oh, no. Wait a minute. I got it.
460
00:22:39,108 --> 00:22:42,945
Your tongue is going
to swell up so big,
461
00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:46,115
you're gonna have to buy
a seat on the plane for it.
462
00:22:46,824 --> 00:22:50,077
- Carla, this is ridiculous...
- Sammy, you know I can do it.
463
00:22:50,244 --> 00:22:53,289
Now look into my eyes
and tell me the truth.
464
00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:56,333
Did you call Eddie
465
00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:59,086
and remind him
about our anniversary?
466
00:22:59,253 --> 00:23:01,630
No, Carla, I didn't.
467
00:23:04,091 --> 00:23:05,050
Okay...
468
00:23:06,176 --> 00:23:08,929
But you and your tongue
better be telling the truth.
469
00:23:15,936 --> 00:23:17,730
Family curse.
470
00:23:20,065 --> 00:23:21,817
How gullible does she think I am?
471
00:23:28,157 --> 00:23:29,116
Oh, no.
472
00:23:29,283 --> 00:23:30,159
No.
473
00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:31,535
Carla! Carla!
474
00:23:31,702 --> 00:23:32,620
What?
475
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:34,204
Nothing.