1
00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:04,421
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:10,844
I have a date with Miss Howe.
3
00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:13,263
She'll be right out.
Can I get you something?
4
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,807
Yes, I'll have a brandy... Louis XIII.
5
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,684
Anything for your friend?
6
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,312
No. He's driving.
7
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:22,981
Ahem! Excuse me, Mr. Colcord?
8
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,567
How do you do, sir?
Remember me-- Norm Peterson?
9
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,819
Yes, of course. I never forget a face.
You never know
10
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,696
when a name and face
may be significant in life.
11
00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,990
There you go.
You remember me-- Cliff Clavin?
12
00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:33,450
Excuse me?
13
00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:37,287
We were wondering, sir, when you
were growing up back in England,
14
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:40,207
did you get that American TV show
called The Millionaire?
15
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,834
No, I'm sorry. I missed that,
but we did get Lucy.
16
00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:45,921
Lucy! Now, there's a classic!
But getting back to this Millionaire show...
17
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:47,631
I loved Bilko.
18
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:51,718
Oh, yeah.
"Hey, Doberman, get in that jeep!"
19
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,637
Anyway, this Millionaire show is
20
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,973
is about a guy named J. Beresford Tipton,
21
00:00:56,139 --> 00:01:00,978
and, uh, he was an incredibly nice guy.
He had tons of bucks.
22
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:05,524
He used to just pick people at random
and give them a million dollars!
23
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,987
- Really?
- Yeah, tax free.
24
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,321
Isn't that something?
25
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,448
Right, the thing that
I didn't understand about that show
26
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,367
was he used to give it away
to strangers.
27
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,077
It would've made
so much more sense to me,
28
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,246
- you know, and you'd probably agree with me,
- Oh, absolutely.
29
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,831
If he would've come to people,
say, in a bar
30
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:24,418
you know, and said,
"here you are-- just have a million bucks."
31
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:27,129
- Makes sense.
- Yes, I can see how that could be very rewarding.
32
00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:28,672
Sure, sure it would.
33
00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:30,007
I'm ready!
34
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:31,675
I don't have any cash.
35
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:32,801
I got it!
36
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:34,928
No. Cliff Clavin will buy this one.
37
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,513
Clifford Clavin's got it, sir.
38
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:40,183
I've got a job, I'll pay for it.
39
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,145
Woody, how much I owe
you here for the man's drink?
40
00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:44,563
75 bucks.
41
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:46,648
You got it.
42
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,931
What are you watching, Carla?
43
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,642
It's the end of Criminals at Large.
44
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,435
I've been following this story for weeks.
45
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,688
There's something about it.
It's so bizarre.
46
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:11,066
- A lot of these stories are that way.
- Yeah, but this one's really outrageous, Sam.
47
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:14,152
It's about this woman who meets men,
marries them,
48
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,947
steals everything they own,
and then kills them.
49
00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:20,826
- What part don't you understand?
- For some reason, they want to arrest her.
50
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:28,542
Not feeling at all bitter toward
the opposite sex, are you, Carla?
51
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:29,918
No, why?
52
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,587
What's with your head?
53
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,757
There was an incident
in our Lamaze class.
54
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,346
What happened?
55
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:46,351
Suffice it to say that Lamaze class
is not the place to flirt.
56
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,733
You know, the most wonderful thing
just happened to me
57
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,025
on the way over here.
58
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,653
- And what is that?
- I was in a car accident.
59
00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:58,905
Oh, yeah, nothing like
a little broken glass
60
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,158
and twisted metal to put the spring
back in your step.
61
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:04,202
No, this was actually just a fender-bender,
62
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,747
but the bender happens
to be a plastic surgeon.
63
00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:09,708
Now, he doesn't want me
to report this to the insurance company,
64
00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:13,295
so he said he will give me
the plastic surgery procedure of my choice.
65
00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:14,296
Isn't that great?
66
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,380
Whoo!
67
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,466
He'll only do one thing?
68
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,009
- Uh-huh.
- Report the accident.
69
00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:24,306
So, uh...
what part are we going to do?
70
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,183
I don't know yet.
71
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:29,644
He gave me this book to look through
and decide what I wanted done.
72
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:33,690
Miss Howe, I don't think you'd
look good with a honker that size.
73
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:37,194
Woody, that's the before.
Here's the after.
74
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,488
Well, that is smaller.
75
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,365
Now, what do they do
with the leftover nose bits?
76
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,701
- Oh, man!
- Ah, Woody!
77
00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:46,995
That's just a little bit gross.
78
00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:50,540
That's a good question. I mean,
they put pig snouts in liver sausage.
79
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:51,875
Oh!
80
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:56,004
- They do not!
- Read the package.
81
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:00,300
Hey, Cliff ie!
82
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:01,635
Hey, friends.
83
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,179
I just got a very
auspicious message
84
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,556
on this miracle
of modern technology.
85
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:10,268
I didn't know they made
8-track answering machines.
86
00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:13,188
Seems I got this message from Canada
87
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:17,234
- from a certain Miss Margaret O'Keefe.
- Who's Margaret O'Keefe?
88
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,654
She's a young woman with whom Cliff
had a brief romantic encounter.
89
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:25,200
If you don't want to tell me, just say so.
You don't have to make things up.
90
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,663
I'm not gonna give you
any fancy build-up.
91
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:34,209
I'm gonna let you listen to it just as I heard it.
You can judge for yourselves. Now feel the heat.
92
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:35,669
Hi, Cliff.
93
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:38,046
I just want to let you know
I'll be in town tomorrow.
94
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:41,716
And I hope you can make time for me.
I need to see you, bye.
95
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,719
Heh? So, come on, what do you think?
96
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:47,931
She's hungry for me.
I can hear that little body trembling.
97
00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:50,892
Cliff ie, she didn't
really say anything there.
98
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,644
Didn't say anything?
99
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:55,480
"Make time, need to see you, bye."
100
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:57,023
Huh?
101
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,192
Hey, Clavin, why don't you
wise up?
102
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,403
She's probably just coming over here
to dump you.
103
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,864
By the way, if I'm in the back room
when she comes,
104
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,657
would somebody call me?
105
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,993
Well, you know, uh, Carla,
106
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,328
I gave that possibility
some consideration.
107
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:14,416
And I figured that if that dame wanted
to shove this lug in the dead-letter file,
108
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,668
she would've 86ed me with a postcard
and a 2-bit stamp.
109
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:21,131
Sam, is it me, or is Mr. Clavin
starting to sound like Raymond Chandler?
110
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,925
No, mis amigos, I know
exactly what's going on
111
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:27,095
in that sexy little
egg-shaped head of hers.
112
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:31,224
She left me lo those many months ago
to pursue a career.
113
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,144
That wasn't enough, no sirree.
She wanted her man back.
114
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:36,104
Heck, you've seen
my bumper sticker--
115
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:39,232
"Letter carriers do it on foot."
116
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:43,695
Yeah, I have seen that.
I always wondered what the hell it meant.
117
00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:47,032
Uh, I'm not sure.
They were giving them away free.
118
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,953
So, you and her are getting
pretty serious, huh?
119
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,163
You betcha.
you betcha.
120
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,373
Well, Cliff, that's a pretty big step.
121
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,876
Outside of Margaret,
122
00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,753
have you ever had a serious relationship...
123
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,713
or a date?
124
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,675
Yep, one time in high school--
125
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,093
Wendy Beeman.
126
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,429
Wendy Beeman.
What happened with Wendy?
127
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,848
I asked her to go steady.
She accepted.
128
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:14,059
Wouldn't you know it,
the very next day,
129
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:17,646
I come down with this
darn pesky little teenage problem.
130
00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:19,648
Your face broke out?
131
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,858
No. Hysterical blindness.
132
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,779
What? What did you say?
133
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,239
From the Latin-- blind is hystericolis.
134
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:32,827
Meaning that you couldn't see, or what?
135
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,829
I couldn't see
whenever she was around,
136
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:37,999
but once she wasn't there,
I could see fine.
137
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,543
So we got into a big
argument about it,
138
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,922
we broke up, and
as soon as she ran crying out of my life,
139
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,966
I could see clear as a bell.
140
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,384
- Cliff?
- Yeah.
141
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:50,303
Would you be interested in taking part
in a university project?
142
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:57,185
Let me rephrase that. Would you be interested
in being a university project?
143
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:02,774
I really don't have a lot of time
for that now, but thanks for asking.
144
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,028
You know, guys, I've been
telling you for a long time now
145
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:12,325
That like the proud bird on my sleeve,
I was a lone eagle. Yep.
146
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:16,204
Even the eagle's got to
mate once in his life.
147
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,999
Molts in the spring.
148
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,127
You know the female
lays one to three eggs?
149
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:23,837
Incubation period's
about 35 days.
150
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,046
Cliff!
151
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:26,381
Thank God!
152
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,676
Maggie-pants!
153
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,511
Oh, Cliff, I missed you so much.
154
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,430
I missed you, too.
155
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,640
Turn around, let me
have a look at you.
156
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:38,768
Oh, your back bacon
is makin' me achin'!
157
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:43,064
Cliff, I dreamed of hearing you say that.
158
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,983
Sit down here.
159
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,027
It's so great to be
with you again.
160
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,695
I can't tell you
161
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,990
How hard these months
of separation have been.
162
00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:55,410
The men up in Canada,
well, they just don't compare to you.
163
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:56,494
Ohh.
164
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:59,706
They're just pale, pathetic
imitations of you, Cliff.
165
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:03,501
Boy, that must be one butt-ugly country.
166
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,839
I finally couldn't stand it anymore,
167
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:11,509
and I had to come back
and ask you something.
168
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,261
Well, what?
169
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:19,017
- No, I can't. This is crazy.
- Come on, Maggie. Tell me. What is it?
170
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:21,019
Well, Cliff...
171
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,354
Can I be your girl?
172
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,609
C-can you be my girl?
173
00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:30,111
Oh, no. I shouldn't have been
that forward. I'm really sorry.
174
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,031
Oh, you betcha, hon.
Can you be my girl?
175
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,867
Hey, guys, did you hear that?
Cliff Clavin's got a girl!
176
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,078
Sammy, give me a bottle
of your best champagne!
177
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,706
Oh, Maggie, you made me
the happiest man in the world!
178
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:47,045
Hey, sorry, guys, you're not gonna be seeing
Cliff Clavin around here very much anymore.
179
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,006
Maggie, you've made me
the happiest man in the world.
180
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:54,219
Boy, just think of that--
after all these years,
181
00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:56,387
I got myself a steady girl.
182
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,723
I'm walking on air. I'm high as a kite.
183
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,269
I'm blind as a mole.
184
00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:17,075
Cliff, is something wrong
with your vision?
185
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,618
No. No, uh...
186
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,205
It's, uh, you know what happened?
187
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,165
I think when I popped the cork
on the champagne,
188
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:27,293
a little bit of the mist got into my eyes
and temporarily blinded me.
189
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:31,714
Oh, yeah, that must be why Sammy
wears those protective goggles all the time.
190
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:36,177
That's okay. I didn't want champagne anyhow.
191
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,763
I just want to run out
and buy something soft and silky
192
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,223
to wear at your apartment tonight.
193
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,599
Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.
194
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:44,269
Listen, why don't you go buy me one, too?
195
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:46,938
Okay.
196
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,023
- Bye, honey.
- Bye.
197
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:55,780
Oh, my God. This is terrible.
198
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,116
It's like the Wendy Beeman episode
all over again.
199
00:10:58,283 --> 00:10:59,492
You guys got to help me.
200
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,662
Oh, I can see shapes now.
I'm coming out of it.
201
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:06,499
Good, okay, yeah, I can see Carla's face
clear as a bell.
202
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,169
What the heck, at least I can see.
203
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:11,963
That's great.
204
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,382
Let me test your depth perception
with these two fingers.
205
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:16,926
No. this is serious.
206
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,052
It certainly is.
207
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:21,014
Emotional crises can affect our
sensory perceptions
208
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,016
in devastating ways.
209
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,059
I've read volumes
on hysterical blindness,
210
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:28,438
loss of hearing,
even total loss of speech.
211
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:29,981
Clavin had to pick
blindness.
212
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,193
Carla, you're not helping.
213
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,360
I'm not trying.
214
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,990
Now, Cliff, don't you think
there's a pattern here
215
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,742
that you should recognize?
216
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:43,369
Now, both your high school incident
and this current one
217
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:47,290
occurred at a time when you were threatened
by a commitment of a romantic nature.
218
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:50,043
Could it be that your fear of commitment
is so intense
219
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,337
that it manifests itself in blindness?
220
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,590
Oh, jeez, Doc, that's true.
221
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,592
You got to help me out here, Doc.
222
00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:00,929
I got Margaret coming over tonight.
I can't go blind in front of her.
223
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:04,515
She'll think I'm some kind of a wacko.
224
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:07,185
You can't just wave a magic wand
and make it go away.
225
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:09,604
There's gotta be something you
can prescribe.
226
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:12,607
Ointments, drops,
leeches, something.
227
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,611
Cliff, there's just no quick fix.
I'm sorry.
228
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:21,115
There's got to be some way
somebody can help me out through tonight.
229
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:24,535
Sammy, look, as a fellow
stud-Meister yourself,
230
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:27,247
maybe you can come on over tonight,
231
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,666
help me just to get Margaret
in the apartment,
232
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,043
get the lights out,
then I can take over myself
233
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,044
and you can skedaddle.
234
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:34,295
- How's that?
- You got it.
235
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:36,047
Hey, thanks very much,
Sammy.
236
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:39,050
After you leave,
my acute sense of touch
237
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:40,385
will take over.
238
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,136
He had to say it.
239
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,597
Now I'm gonna have
the willies for a week.
240
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,352
Well, I'm on my way to
the plastic surgeon,
241
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,105
but I don't know what to do.
Look, I need some input.
242
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,481
What do you think
I should have done?
243
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:54,524
- Eyelids.
- Tummy tuck.
244
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:55,775
Liposuction.
245
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,278
Age shows first there.
246
00:12:58,444 --> 00:12:59,445
Miss Howe.
247
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:02,156
I'm getting tired of all
this plastic surgery talk.
248
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:05,827
Now, I know it may not be popular,
but I'm going out on a limb
249
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:08,663
and say I don't think you
should change a thing.
250
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,164
You're a beautiful woman
251
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,084
and just about perfect
the way God made you.
252
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:15,128
Well, Woody, nobody's perfect.
253
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,547
There's got to be something.
254
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,090
Well, then your breasts.
255
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:26,597
Thank you, Woody.
256
00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,516
No. thank you.
257
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,534
Oh, boy, Sam, am I glad you could make it.
258
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,411
I'm sorry I'm late. I had a matinee.
259
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,413
Matinee? It's almost 8:00.
260
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,081
Double feature.
261
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:53,541
What a guy.
262
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:55,001
How's your vision doing?
263
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,211
Oh, fine. I can see fine.
Margaret's not here yet. Corn?
264
00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:58,463
No, thanks.
265
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,007
Hey, you look spiffy.
266
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,925
Oh, yeah, hey.
267
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,802
Feel the material here
in this clip-on.
268
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:06,888
Oh, yeah, yeah.
269
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:10,350
They're doing incredible things
with synthetic fibers nowadays.
270
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:11,601
Tell me about it. Sam, look at this.
271
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:14,103
Watch. You can't stain this baby. Look.
272
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,605
Oh, no. Wow.
273
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:17,815
Look at that.
Beads right up.
274
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:19,984
That is cool.
275
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:21,486
Isn't that something?
276
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:22,779
Watch what happens
with picante sauce.
277
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,113
No, don't do that.
278
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,450
I'll take your word for it.
279
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:30,828
Well, look, Margaret's going
to be here any second now.
280
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,914
So why don't we just
go over the game plan, huh?
281
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:33,915
Yeah sure.
282
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:37,543
Alright, if I feel myself, you know,
sort of losing my vision,
283
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:41,005
I'll give a little petite tug
on the old tie bone, okay?
284
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,215
Tug the tie. All right.
285
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,966
Then there'll be
a signal to lead me back
286
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,635
just in this area here.
287
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:47,678
We're gonna designate
the sofa as home base.
288
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:51,140
See, I spent the last few hours
walking around the apartment blindfolded.
289
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,975
I know every nook
and cranny by heart.
290
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:54,977
Didn't you bang the hell
out of your shins?
291
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,854
The first ten or 20 times,
292
00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:59,315
but those nerves
are long dead now.
293
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:05,071
All right, what else do I need
to know, here?
294
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,366
The only other thing we got to figure out
is some kind of signal
295
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,743
to let you know when
it's time for you to leave.
296
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,498
Well... uh, how about,
"Good night, Sam"?
297
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,792
All right, yeah. I'll go with that.
298
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:20,837
Now I just got to figure out
how to remember that.
299
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:26,134
Oop. There's Margaret.
300
00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:27,844
Can you still see?
301
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,471
Clear as a bell.
Clear as a bell.
302
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:33,391
I think now you're on your home turf,
you're gonna be just fine.
303
00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:35,017
I think so, too, Sammy.
304
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,563
Go ahead,
go ahead.
305
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:42,108
Hiya, boyfriend.
It's your little ball and chain.
306
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,653
Oh, hi, Sam.
I didn't expect to see you.
307
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:46,946
Well, I just ca--
308
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,614
Uh...
309
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:51,951
I, uh...
310
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,538
Came over to, uh...
311
00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:57,582
To borrow, uh... Cliff ie's tie.
312
00:15:57,748 --> 00:16:00,084
What do you think?
It's too short, maybe?
313
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:02,086
Gee, I don't know.
314
00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:04,380
Well, you know,
the--the--the best way...
315
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:07,425
The best way to find this out
316
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,511
is to see how it looks
when you're sitting down.
317
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:13,139
Why don't we go
check it out on the sofa.
318
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:19,479
You came all this way
to borrow a tie?
319
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,439
Uh... yeah.
320
00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:25,526
The tie and, uh...
to have some of Cliff ie's corn.
321
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:26,944
Oh, yeah, yeah.
322
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:29,489
Yeah. I'm famous for my corn.
323
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,949
Oh, would you like some?
324
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,744
Oh, I don't smoke, Cliff.
325
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,040
I bet you thought that
this was an ashtray. No.
326
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:41,000
It's a specially designed corn server.
327
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,627
Here.
328
00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,003
There you go.
329
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,506
Just try some.
330
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,466
You'll never have corn
any other way now.
331
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:50,760
No?
332
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:57,225
- So... here we are.
- Here we are.
333
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,685
Cliff, what do you
want to do tonight?
334
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,688
Well, I thought maybe, uh...
335
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:07,360
I don't know. Maybe just show you
how I can walk around the apartment
336
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,987
without any help from anybody at all.
337
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,866
Okay, cliff.
338
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:16,744
Okay.
339
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:26,879
Oh, look at this.
I must've dropped a dime earlier.
340
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:28,881
Oh. Here.
341
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,550
Here it is. Yep.
342
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,468
1973-S.
343
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:33,469
That's mine.
344
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,597
Oh, I got that, Cliff ie. I got that.
345
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:41,018
This is a really
comfortable sofa.
346
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:44,397
Yeah. It comes out into a sofa bed.
347
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,566
Really? I'd like to see that.
348
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,234
Good night, Sam.
349
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:56,742
- I better fix this lamp before I go.
- Take it with you.
350
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,452
What?
351
00:17:58,619 --> 00:17:59,662
That's what Sammy came over for.
352
00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:03,082
For corn, a tie, and a lamp.
353
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:08,546
You ought to see the way
this guy lives. He's something.
354
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:09,922
Well, good night.
355
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,425
I'll walk him to the door.
356
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,801
Thank you for coming.
357
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,761
Thank you for the corn.
358
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,639
Are you going to be
able to handle this?
359
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:20,933
Oh, yeah, Sammy,
I don't have to tell you,
360
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:24,186
as one stud to another,
that when it comes to sofa bed talk,
361
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,438
it's time for lights out.
362
00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:27,398
There you go.
363
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,483
Wrong way.
364
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:30,651
Good night.
365
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,486
- Hey, Sammy, one more thing.
- Yeah.
366
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:33,487
There's...
367
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:35,990
Uh...the dress?
368
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:38,868
Oh, yeah, you're in luck.
It's a standard 22-inch zipper.
369
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,536
One, two, three seconds, max.
370
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:43,789
Remember, it's an easy glide.
Don't jerk it.
371
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:44,957
Good night.
372
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,001
Good night.
Good night, Sammy.
373
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,461
Oh, yeah, sure.
374
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,758
Cliff, are you all right?!
375
00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:05,436
Hey, Cliff ie, how are the eyes, buddy?
376
00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:07,647
They're fine as long
as she's not around.
377
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,106
Wh-wh-what happened?
378
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,650
It was a total disaster, Norm.
379
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,319
I went blind,
took a header off the balcony,
380
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,071
and fell in the pool.
381
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:17,865
Okay. Pay up.
382
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:20,660
Falling in the pool was ten-to-one odds.
383
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,078
Suckers.
384
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:24,664
I'll be in the men's room drying off.
385
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,749
There's no towels in there, Mr. Clavin.
386
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:27,792
That's all right.
387
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:30,211
I'll just stand in front of
that whatchmacallit that blows hot air.
388
00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:32,254
You mean the automatic Clavin.
389
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:36,300
Is cliff here?
390
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,135
He's in the bathroom drying off.
391
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,554
Thank God because
I was so worried about him.
392
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,640
Poor cliff has been through so much.
393
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:45,518
Sit right here. I'll get you some coffee.
394
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,644
Margaret...
395
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:52,775
Uh, you should know
that cliff is a troubled, deeply disturbed,
396
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:55,820
and emotionally stunted person.
397
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:59,532
Now, I can say this
because I'm one of his closest friends.
398
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,078
All right, Rebecca's back.
399
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:06,956
You decide what to
have the body and fender man fix?
400
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:10,376
I not only made the decision by myself,
thank you very much,
401
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:14,422
but I've already had
the surgery performed on an outpatient basis.
402
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,717
Already? Wow, they look great.
403
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,681
Woody, he didn't work
on my breasts.
404
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,183
Well, then, why are they so much perkier?
405
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:30,813
Thank you, Woody.
406
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:32,690
No. thank you.
407
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,777
So, uh, what did you do there?
408
00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:40,406
Uh...let's just say
it was something personal.
409
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,075
Come on. You can tell us.
410
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,285
It was nothing major,
411
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:47,580
it was just a little thing
that I wanted done for a long time.
412
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:48,706
No, you're right. You shouldn't tell us.
413
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:51,584
That way we can let
our imaginations go wild.
414
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,212
Oh, guys... all right, come on.
415
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:57,965
I had a little tattoo removed.
416
00:20:58,132 --> 00:21:00,801
Ooh, you're kidding.
That's very hot. Whoa...
417
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:01,719
Wait a minute. Where was it?
418
00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:03,763
Inner, upper, outer, frontal...
419
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,514
It was on my lower back.
420
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:07,433
Oh, lower back.
421
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,811
It was just covering up
a big old ugly mole.
422
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,313
I had that removed, too.
423
00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:16,233
Kind of wish she hadn't told us.
424
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:22,406
I mean, I was imagining something
a hell of a lot better than that.
425
00:21:22,573 --> 00:21:24,575
Well, maybe she lied.
426
00:21:24,742 --> 00:21:26,869
Yeah. Yeah. Let's go with that.
427
00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:31,957
- Cliff!
- Oh, no. No.
428
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,667
No, wait, cliff.
You don't have to run.
429
00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:35,211
Sam explained everything.
430
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,922
Then you know why I can't look at you?
431
00:21:38,088 --> 00:21:40,633
Yes, I do. I know all about high school
432
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,886
and Wendy Beeman and the blindness
and Miss Tennessee.
433
00:21:44,053 --> 00:21:45,930
Miss Tennessee?
434
00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:47,932
Yeah, I ran out of stuff on you,
435
00:21:48,098 --> 00:21:50,184
so I threw in some
of my own highlights.
436
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:55,689
I feel so bad about this.
437
00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:59,318
I rushed you into a commitment
that you weren't ready to make.
438
00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:02,029
I came down from Canada
without any warning,
439
00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:06,367
never giving you a chance
to say no or even make up your mind.
440
00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:09,495
I feel like this is all my fault.
441
00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:12,998
So I'm going back up north.
442
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,334
We can talk on the phone,
443
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:18,420
and in a few months,
if we still think it's a good idea,
444
00:22:18,587 --> 00:22:20,631
we know where to find each other.
445
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:23,050
Good-bye, Cliff.
446
00:22:25,719 --> 00:22:28,222
Hey, hey, Cliff, go get her!
Go get her!
447
00:22:28,389 --> 00:22:30,349
Uh, Maggie... Hold on!
448
00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:31,642
Maggie!
449
00:22:34,562 --> 00:22:36,063
I'm ready to make a commitment.
450
00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:39,108
Hey... Maggie, I can see.
451
00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:42,736
Oh, really? Honey, that's wonderful.
452
00:22:42,903 --> 00:22:44,113
I, uh...
453
00:22:47,157 --> 00:22:48,909
I want you to be my honey.
454
00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:52,997
Well, then, I don't
want to wait any longer.
455
00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:55,082
I'm going to rush
over to my hotel,
456
00:22:55,249 --> 00:22:57,042
and I'm going to get my stuff,
457
00:22:57,209 --> 00:23:00,421
and I'll meet you in an hour
at your apartment.
458
00:23:03,507 --> 00:23:07,303
- Hey, man, congratulations.
- I am so proud of you.
459
00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:08,929
I'll see you later.
460
00:23:13,434 --> 00:23:15,144
Uh, there's one thing.
461
00:23:15,311 --> 00:23:16,270
What's that?
462
00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:19,106
I seem to be paralyzed
from the waist down.