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Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
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Hi, everybody. Sorry I'm late.
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I was at another business seminar.
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This one was all about
accentuating the positive
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and all you can accomplish
by focusing on the good instead of the bad.
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- How was it?
- The worst.
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But you know, I like the idea
of positive reinforcement in the workplace,
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so I'm going to give it a shot.
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Man, you got to be a real moron
to buy that load of crap.
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Way to speak out, Carla.
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Way to pour that beer, Woody!
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Way to run up that tab, Norm.
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Way to--
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I, uh-- I got a new haircut.
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No...
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My thumbnail grew back.
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No...
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But just give me a little time.
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Wait!
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I think I got it.
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Nah, everybody's got a pulse.
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Way to make a dork
out of yourself, Clavin.
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Way to nail him, Carla!
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Is Sam Malone here?
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He'll be back in a minute.
Can I give him a message?
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Well, I wanted to let him
know right away.
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I got his test results back.
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I'm afraid he has serious blockage.
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Oh, my God, his heart?
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No, his fuel line. I'm Sam's mechanic.
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Oh, my God. It's the Corvette.
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Why couldn't it have been his heart?
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Hi, guys.
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Hey, Gordo, buy you a beer?
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Uh, Sam...
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At the rate that
I'm saving the bucks,
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Cheers is gonna be mine
again in a few short months.
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And when I'm running this place,
things are going to be different.
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How?
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I'll be running the place.
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So, you've really been socking
it away, huh, Sammy?
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Yeah, wish I had a nickel for every
dollar I've saved.
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Just this week, by skipping lunches,
working overtime,
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and having sex-only dates,
I've managed to save over $200.
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This means you only
owe me 130.
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What, my retainer's all gone?
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Well, I can't be too mad at the guy.
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He gave me a radiator flush
for my birthday.
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Sammy, you're never
going to buy the bar back at this rate.
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What can I do? I'm tapped out.
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By the time I pay for
gas and tune-ups
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and Felipe, the chamois boy...
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Why don't you sell the car?
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It's just a car.
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Honey...
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Let me explain something to you here.
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We're not talking about just a car.
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We're talking about Sammy's 'Vette.
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The studmobile, the babe-catcher.
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You're right, you're right.
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I mean, where would Sam
be without his crutch?
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You know, all those years,
those women weren't making love to you,
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they were making love
to your car.
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No, that's where you're wrong.
They were making love in my car.
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Really?
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Come on. Girls don't go out
with me just because of my car.
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That's right. All the women
in Boston are just lining up
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to go out with Sam Malone
and his bus pass.
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Hey! Forget you!
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I don't need that car
to catch babes.
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I could sell that car today
if I wanted to.
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In fact, if I did, I'd have a down payment
on Cheers, here.
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And pretty soon, I'd have a roomful of babes.
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And where there are babes,
there are guys buying drinks.
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Before you know it,
I'd be rolling in dough.
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Pretty soon, I might be
able to afford a Corvette.
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That's it. I'm selling the sucker.
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Afternoon, everybody.
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- Norm!
- Norm!
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Hey, Mr. Peterson.
You got room for beer?
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No, but I am willing to add on.
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So, hey, Normie,
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so how's business going?
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Lousy, Cliff ie.
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I've been so damn busy painting,
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I haven't had time to
stop in here and visit with my best friend.
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I missed you, too, you big lug.
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Actually, Cliff ie, I meant Mr. Beer.
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So, the painting business
is that good, huh?
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Too good, Woody.
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Today I had to choose
between two really great jobs.
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I couldn't make up my mind.
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So what did you do?
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Skipped them both. Came in here.
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I think I made the right choice.
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Why don't you just
hire someone to help you?
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Right, Norm. Hire an assistant.
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- Yeah?
- Look here.
99
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,305
All right. if you double
your work force,
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00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,265
and you divide total
man hours in half,
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that's equals a 50%
work reduction for you
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and profits will go up
proportionately.
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Whoo! Good idea, Woody.
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- Yeah, good one, Woodman.
- Thanks, guys.
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What about my part?
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What part was that?
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The part where I took Woody's vague,
inane seed of an idea
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and made it blossom.
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Remember?
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Shame on you, Rebecca.
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Trying to bump Woody
out of the spotlight.
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All Woody did was say get help.
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I'm the one that made it work.
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If you say so.
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I did say so.
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I don't know, Woody.
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I mean,
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how would I even get started?
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Where can I find somebody
with the appropriate skills?
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Look, if you really need some help,
I could sure use the work.
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I don't know, pal.
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I never hired anybody before.
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I feel kinda weird about it.
I wouldn't know what to ask you.
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Well, while you're thinking,
about it, can I buy you a beer?
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Welcome aboard.
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Oh, there you are.
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Well, I did it.
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I put the Corvette in the paper.
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Pretty snappy, huh?
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"For sale. Corvette. Meet chicks."
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I like that.
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Hey, Norm, I hear business is good.
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Yeah, I guess.
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You guess?
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Word is you hired three new people,
and you're shuttling between two jobs.
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It just goes to show you
what good business advice is
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when it comes from a professional.
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Rebecca's still trying to take credit for
Woody's idea, huh?
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It was my idea.
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Oh, sure it was, Miss Howe.
You thought it up all by yourself.
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You were saying,
Norm?
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I just can't get used
to bossing people around, you know?
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I can't seem to make
my workers do the things they're supposed to,
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like increase their productivity,
exceed their goals,
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show up.
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You're not letting your employees take
advantage of you, are you?
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00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,425
Yeah, maybe a little bit.
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I mean, yesterday afternoon,
the guys decided to knock off early
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and just go bowling.
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So what'd you do?
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I broke 200.
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Hey, all right!
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Thank you. A personal high.
It was great.
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Oh, Mr. P.
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That's very irresponsible, Norm.
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As the boss,
you have to show these people an example.
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Yeah, I guess you're
right, Woody, but...
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I tell you, I cannot be one of these
hard-nosed bosses, okay?
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I've had bosses like that.
I hate those guys.
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Being in charge is not
a popularity contest.
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You are not in business
to get people to like you.
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Now, I don't get why you would care
what your employees think?
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- I don't care.
- Obviously not.
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What is that supposed to mean?
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Nothing.
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No. you already said it.
Don't just leave me dangling.
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I mean, I do have feelings,
for God's sake.
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I'm sorry. We like you.
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Really? Thank you, Carla!
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It's not like I'm a total
washout as a boss.
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I mean, yesterday afternoon, for example,
after we went bowling,
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I really laid down
the law with my guys.
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I said if we're going
to get anywhere as a company,
174
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we got to really buckle down.
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00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:21,084
But I think I may have
to lean on them a little bit harder.
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How come?
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That's them coming
out of the pool room.
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Norm!
Hey, guys, look who it is.
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How's it going, Mr. 200?
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Give these guys a drink. Woody!
181
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,722
Hey, Norm, we gotta go watch the secretaries
walk out of the prudential building.
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Wanna come? It's windy.
183
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,684
All right! We got Norm! Let's go!
184
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Hey, whoa, fellas.
185
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,230
Shouldn't we be over at Shannon's,
you know, painting?
186
00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:44,065
I don't want to be a slave driver or anything,
187
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:47,277
but I thought maybe we could get
around to that second coat today.
188
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,655
No, I mean, we did get
the first coat, didn't we?
189
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Damn!
190
00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:57,871
I cannot believe those guys are going off
to the prudential building right now.
191
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,498
They're really a bunch of
goof-offs, aren't they?
192
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:03,877
I'll tell you, man, everybody knows
the Hancock building is panty hose heaven, man.
193
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,754
The wind whips right up...
194
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,547
ls there a Sam Malone here?
195
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,882
Yeah, speaking.
196
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,842
I'm Dennis Hamill.
I'm here about the Corvette.
197
00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:12,802
Great. Dennis, have a seat right there.
198
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,054
I can't wait to see it.
199
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,680
Whoa, slow down there.
200
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,516
First we have to learn
a little bit about you here.
201
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,771
- About me?
- Yeah. Yeah.
202
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:26,691
You see, matching a Corvette with
the right owner, Dennis,
203
00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:27,901
is kinda like...
204
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,528
finding a home for an animal.
205
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,113
Except an animal's just an animal,
206
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,907
and we're talking about a Corvette.
207
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,242
Okay, but I'm kind of pressed for time.
208
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,619
I've got to get to my hair stylist.
209
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:38,411
Good. Good.
210
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,413
Oh, very good, very good.
211
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,874
Hair stylist. All right.
212
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:47,420
All right, this will be pretty simple here.
Just a few multiple-choice questions.
213
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,296
Great. Shoot.
214
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:49,297
Number one.
215
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,549
"It's high noon.
216
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,051
You're driving in Harvard Square.
217
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:54,385
Parking's limited.
218
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,429
Do you, A, park in a handicapped zone,
219
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,766
B, park in a regular spot under a tree,
220
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:03,436
C, drive around till a space opens up?"
221
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,063
"C."
222
00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:06,106
What, are you nuts?
223
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,233
I can't believe it, man!
That's a trick question.
224
00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,110
You don't drive this baby
at high noon, man!
225
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,778
Sun damage, bucko.
226
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,154
What the hell's wrong--
227
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:14,697
What do you want to do,
oxidize the paint?
228
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,491
Get out of here!
You make me sick!
229
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:17,492
I can't believe that!
230
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:20,453
He wants to drive my car at high noon
in Harvard Square.
231
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:30,547
Damn! It's still busy.
232
00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,215
How can those guys
be on the phone all day?
233
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,175
They're supposed to be painting.
234
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:36,886
You know, in the future,
telephones will be obsolete.
235
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:38,763
- Yeah?
- Absolutely right.
236
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,974
People will communicate
telekinetically
237
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,685
using part of their brain
known as the cerebral cortex
238
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,979
that is heretofore untapped.
239
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,438
- May I?
- Yeah.
240
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,447
It's been tapped now.
241
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,242
Cheers.
242
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,161
Oh, yeah. Hold on it's for you.
243
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,037
Hello.
244
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:06,624
Rudy! Rudy, yes. I've been trying
to get a hold of you all afternoon.
245
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,168
Look, man, I got--
246
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,460
You're kidding!
247
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:10,587
Well, that's great!
248
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:11,921
Hey, you guys!
249
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,674
My crew just won great seats for
the Patriots game.
250
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,719
They've been on the phone
all day to WGAZ.
251
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,512
That's fantastic, Rudes!
252
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:23,683
But listen, Rudy, man,
not to randomly change topics or anything,
253
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,561
but did you guys get any work
done today?
254
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:28,479
Uh-huh.
255
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:33,651
Yeah, well, I suppose that area by the phone
needed about eight or nine coats.
256
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:35,278
Yeah, just keep it up.
257
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,741
I should have never listened to Rebecca.
258
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:44,662
Let's face it, man.
259
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:47,624
I'm incapable of bossing anybody around.
260
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:50,668
I wish I could hire somebody else to be
the damn tough guy.
261
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:53,880
Norm, your situation puts me in mind
of a wonderful play by Bertolt Brecht.
262
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,256
Yeah?
263
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:58,176
Yes, it's about a poor put-upon woman,
who, similar to you, is having trouble
264
00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:00,595
dealing with the people that
are taking advantage of her.
265
00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:01,971
What did she do?
266
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,432
Well, she developed an entirely new
and different personality
267
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:05,600
to handle these people.
268
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:06,851
It's set in the Orient.
269
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:09,145
It's called The Good Woman of Szechuan.
270
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:10,438
Hmm. sounds good.
271
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:13,233
Oh, yes, it's one of Brecht's masterpieces.
272
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,901
No, I mean, Chinese food.
273
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,403
I know a great place.
phone book, Woody?
274
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,114
I don't know why I try to have
an intellectual conversation with the two of you.
275
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,532
All you think about is--
276
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,244
Say, how's their kung pao shrimp?
277
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:26,871
- Norm, wait a minute.
- What?
278
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:29,499
Before you order, I think you should get
your business in order.
279
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:32,085
Now, it's important that you straighten out
this employee deal
280
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,378
before it goes any further.
281
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,421
Don't you think, Woody?
282
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,133
If you say so, Woody.
283
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:40,510
I'll call the guys back.
284
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:44,514
Bertolt Brecht. Did he write
any plays about rib joints?
285
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,768
Hi, Rudy, Rudy, hi, it's Norm.
286
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:53,064
Listen, I'm afraid I have some bad news
about your patriots game plans this weekend.
287
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:55,316
Uh, I think you guys are going
to have to kind of work.
288
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,528
No, no, no, relax.
It's not me.
289
00:12:58,695 --> 00:12:59,946
It's my new business partner.
290
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,282
Good, good. Now give the guy a name.
Make it authentic.
291
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,992
Uh, it's this guy, a Mr. Kreitzer.
292
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:06,828
He has this crazy idea, man,
that you guys should, I don't know, paint.
293
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:08,955
What?
294
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,041
He wants to talk to Kreitzer.
Help, Frasier.
295
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,459
No, no, no you dug the hole, Norm.
296
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:14,711
Woody. Come on. You're an actor.
297
00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:15,712
Be Kreitzer. Come on.
298
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:16,879
Where am I from?
299
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,047
Uh, Pittsburgh.
300
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:20,842
Okay. Now, did I come from
a happy childhood?
301
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:25,221
And why am I on the phone
at this point in my life?
302
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:27,390
Just give me the phone.
Forget it. Forget it.
303
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:32,145
All right, this is Kreitzer.
304
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:36,274
Now listen up, you bunch of gutless,
sniveling little wimps.
305
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,859
I don't care what Peterson said.
306
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:40,028
That lowlife does not lay down the rules.
307
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:43,865
Hey! Hey! Any more lip out of you,
and I'll rip your face off
308
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,742
and stick it up your lunch bucket!
309
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:53,499
That was kind of fun.
310
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,170
Think maybe I ought to call Vera, huh?
311
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,056
Where's Sam?
312
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:09,349
He'll be right back.
313
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:12,101
He just sold his 'Vette.
He's picking up his new car.
314
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,812
Oh, yeah? What did he get?
Turbo Z? Trans Am?
315
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,731
A Volare.
316
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:18,107
Oh, poor Sam.
317
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,109
He just called from
the Used Car Circus.
318
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,195
It must have been
the ringmaster's special.
319
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,656
Anyway, he was really
a little depressed about it,
320
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,367
so maybe we just
shouldn't mention it, all right?
321
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,201
Oh, yeah.
322
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:30,411
Hi, guys.
323
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:35,166
Volare, oh oh
324
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:38,294
Hey, listen, you got something
to say to me, just say it.
325
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:43,049
Cantare, oh oh oh oh
326
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,342
Hey, Rudy, Rudy.
327
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:45,843
Just relax, okay?
328
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,678
I'll tell you what. Go ahead.
329
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:49,138
Take a 5-minute break for lunch.
330
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:50,598
For God's sake, you're hungry.
331
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,725
We all have to eat. We're only human.
332
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,685
Okay? I'll tell you what,
333
00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:56,479
if Kreitzer asks, I did not say any of this.
334
00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:02,402
I must say, this Kreitzer stuff is
going very, very well.
335
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,404
I told the guys they got to
work extra nights next week.
336
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:07,281
They didn't even say boo.
I love being Kreitzer.
337
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:09,826
I don't have to paint anymore, right?
338
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:10,952
Business is booming.
339
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,245
I've hired a secretary.
340
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,454
I've rented us offices.
341
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,874
When you say, "us',
who do you mean?
342
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,000
Me and Kreitzer.
343
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,961
When you say Kreitzer,
who do you mean?
344
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:21,003
Me.
345
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,130
When you say me...
346
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,467
Frasier, don't worry about it.
I'm not going crazy.
347
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:27,760
It's just a front.
348
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,847
You see, my office door actually
leads into an office.
349
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:33,933
But Kreitzer's door opens onto
the back alley where they keep the garbage.
350
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,394
Well, both offices are furnished
about the same.
351
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,397
Hey, Normie, how did you
think up that name Kreitzer?
352
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:41,190
You know, I've been meaning
to ask the same thing.
353
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,317
Was he a bully back in school?
354
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,820
A sadistic CO back in the coast guard?
355
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:47,947
An authority figure who
used to torment you?
356
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,907
No, no, no, it's Vera's maiden name.
357
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,078
Hey, Sam, is what I heard true?
358
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,288
You got a new Ferrari?
359
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,498
No, Volare.
360
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:00,668
Hey, Sammy is still Sammy.
361
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,003
Babes are still babes.
362
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,172
And I don't need a fancy car to catch them.
363
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,132
As a matter of fact,
when I was pulling up here,
364
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,384
there were a couple of
twins that couldn't take their eyes off me.
365
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:11,512
Fellas, twins ahoy.
366
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,307
Hello, lovely ladies. Can I help you?
367
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:17,643
Are you the man we just saw
getting out of a Volare out front?
368
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,396
Little passion beige number?
Could be. Could be.
369
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:23,149
- My God, it was him!
- And he admitted it!
370
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:30,448
I wonder who your Corvette's dating tonight.
371
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:32,700
I got to get my car back.
372
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:35,286
Hey, Norm!
373
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:36,412
Rudy!
374
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:39,373
Hey, Norm, we gotta talk to Kreitzer.
Now, we ain't taking this crap anymore.
375
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:40,374
What's the matter, fellas?
376
00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:43,127
Oh, man, it's everything.
We had to give up those football tickets.
377
00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:44,587
We have to work weekends.
378
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,422
Yeah, now he wants us
to work nights, too.
379
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,090
Yeah, and I'll tell you something else,
the thing we hate most
380
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,175
ls the way he's treating you.
381
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,177
Well, fellas, look, I'll tell you what I'll do.
382
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,137
I'll give the guy a call, okay,
383
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,640
and I'll see if I can get him to ease up
on the hours a little bit.
384
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,058
- It's all I can do.
- Yeah, okay.
385
00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:58,267
Thanks, Norm.
386
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,810
You know, 'cause I'll tell you something.
387
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,938
Just because we're out there standing
in that hot sun all day
388
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:03,356
Breathing turpentine fumes,
389
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,149
you know, that doesn't
mean that we, uh...
390
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,198
Sheesh! Forgot what I was going to say.
391
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,577
Heck! doesn't matter.
392
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:19,247
Look, we'll see you later, Norm.
Okay, come on, let's go.
393
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,418
You know, Norm, you might bear in mind
394
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:26,170
That you could be pushing
these guys a bit too far.
395
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:28,381
Come on, Frasier. The key
to being a good executive
396
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,924
ls knowing when to be firm
and when to be fair.
397
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,634
- Uh, Norm?
- Yeah?
398
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:33,636
The guys and I decided
you don't have a spine,
399
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:35,304
so we're just going to go
over to Kreitzer's office
400
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,806
and bash his skull in.
401
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:40,226
I'm dead.
I'm absolutely dead.
402
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,144
Norm, I think there's
there's a little lesson to be learned here.
403
00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:43,896
You've allowed the evil
side of your nature to rise up
404
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,731
and has now threatened
to destroy everything you've built.
405
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,066
Let it go no farther.
406
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,151
The time has come to
reject your darker self.
407
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,237
Oh, thank you,
Obi-Wan Kenobi.
408
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,031
All right, that's it.
409
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:56,284
I just got to go over there
and dump Kreitzer altogether.
410
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,952
I just hope I can
beat those guys over there.
411
00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,996
My Volare's right outside.
I'll give you a lift.
412
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:01,455
I love you, Sammy.
413
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:04,166
Congratulations, Sam.
I see you finally got yourself a date.
414
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,503
I got to get my car back.
415
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:23,352
Thank God.
Sammy, you made great time.
416
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,188
It's amazing
how fast you can go
417
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,190
when you don't give
a damn what happens to your car.
418
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,485
- Doris, hi.
- Hi.
419
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,404
Anybody been here
to see Mr. Kreitzer?
420
00:18:33,404 --> 00:18:34,780
Oh, no.
421
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,033
Mr. Kreitzer left me
very specific instructions.
422
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,785
He is not to be disturbed
under any circumstances.
423
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:40,911
Great.
424
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:43,998
Mr. Kreitzer's very demanding.
425
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:49,879
Doris, honey, hasn't it ever struck you
that you've never seen the man?
426
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,256
All I know is,
427
00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:54,216
this is the best job
I've ever had.
428
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:58,554
I mean, it's true Mr. Kreitzer chews me out
on the phone now and then...
429
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,056
But I deserve it.
430
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:06,354
Actually, I was hoping
you were Mr. Kreitzer.
431
00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:13,027
Actually, uh, Doris,
I'm doing a little research here.
432
00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:15,613
As a woman,
would you ever consider going out
433
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,115
with someone who drives a Volare?
434
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:20,451
Are you kidding?
435
00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:21,994
I drive one myself.
436
00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:26,248
It used to be my mother's.
437
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:31,671
I got to get my car back.
438
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:35,633
- All right, where is he?
- Yeah, where's--
439
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:36,592
Calm down, fellas.
440
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:38,135
Yeah, just let me get
a couple minutes with him.
441
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,304
I'm sure he'll listen to reason.
442
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,390
He'll listen to reason
after I kill him a few times.
443
00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,934
Mr. Kreitzer's given me very
specific instructions.
444
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,936
He's not to be disturbed
under any circumstances.
445
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,105
Doris, I take full
responsibility, okay?
446
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,272
But I have some
instructions.
447
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,108
Just give me two minutes
with him, okay?
448
00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:53,442
He will be mine.
449
00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:59,407
I'm-- I'm so
very sorry, sir!
450
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:01,659
Peterson, you clumsy ox!
451
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:05,705
You just kicked over
a Macintosh-8000 CX!
452
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,832
Look, I'm really sorry, sir.
453
00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:10,876
Sir, we have a big
problem on our hands.
454
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,336
The crew is just
ready to revolt, sir.
455
00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:14,338
And I'll tell you,
456
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:17,007
I don't like the way
you abuse my guys with personal insults.
457
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:19,218
Your butt's too big!
458
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:25,057
Now, sir, that is just the kind
of stuff I'm talking about, okay?
459
00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:27,059
All right, sir.
460
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,687
I'm going to have to quit,
and I'm taking my crew with me.
461
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,480
Peterson, you can't do that!
462
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,400
Oh, don't beg, Anton.
It doesn't become you.
463
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:37,820
Way to go, Norm.
464
00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:39,613
All right, fellas.
465
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:41,532
Jeez, Norm, you had no right to do that.
466
00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:43,576
- What?
- Now you've really upset him.
467
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:46,662
What are you talking about?
We don't need him. You can work for me!
468
00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,748
Norm, look, no offense,
you're a nice guy,
469
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,750
but you're not boss material.
470
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,251
Hey, everybody knows Mr. Kreitzer
471
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,003
was the brains behind everything.
472
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:57,673
Can you call him later
and tell him we had nothing to do with this?
473
00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,341
Don't worry.
I'll make sure he gets a message.
474
00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:00,843
Wait, wait, wait.
475
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:02,470
Fellas, wait a minute! Wait a minute!
476
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,472
Hey! All right, fine.
477
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,599
Go ahead. Who needs you?
478
00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:10,561
Thank you, Doris.
479
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:13,773
- Sammy?
- Yeah?
480
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:14,690
You think my butt's too big?
481
00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:16,317
No.
482
00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:24,033
Hello? This is Anton Kreitzer!
483
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,703
I'm calling about the Corvette you bought
from a Mr. Sam Malone!
484
00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:30,831
Yeah, well, give it back right now!
485
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:35,377
No, no, don't hang up.
Don't hang up, please.
486
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:37,004
It's not Kreitzer, it's Sam.
487
00:21:37,171 --> 00:21:39,590
I want my car back. Please?
488
00:21:39,757 --> 00:21:41,634
I'm having seller's remorse.
489
00:21:42,468 --> 00:21:44,053
All right, listen, I'll tell you what.
490
00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:47,097
I'll pay you 500 more
than you bought it for.
491
00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:47,973
All right, wait, wait.
492
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,934
I'll pay you 1,000 more
than you bought it for.
493
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,101
Excuse me. Sam--
494
00:21:51,268 --> 00:21:52,520
Can you hold on just
a second, please?
495
00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:53,979
As a trained psychiatrist,
496
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:55,773
I'm well-versed in the art
of human persuasion.
497
00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:57,942
I think I can handle this for you.
498
00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:02,988
Lilith, damn it, give Sam
his car back immediately!
499
00:22:04,365 --> 00:22:05,699
There.
500
00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:08,160
You know, I've been getting tired
of those speeding tickets, anyway.
501
00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:12,081
Hey, Rude!
502
00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:13,541
Look, I gotta talk to you a minute.
503
00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:15,417
Hey, I knew you guys
wouldn't let me down.
504
00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:16,710
You ready to get back to work?
505
00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:18,963
- Slow down a second.
- What?
506
00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:21,090
All right, look...
507
00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:24,552
A couple hours after you left,
I went back to the office.
508
00:22:24,718 --> 00:22:26,428
Now I think you know
what I found.
509
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:28,389
Um, yeah, well, that--
510
00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:31,141
And then I finally started
piecing it together.
511
00:22:31,308 --> 00:22:33,936
Why I never saw Norm Peterson
or Mr. Kreitzer
512
00:22:34,103 --> 00:22:35,729
in the same room at the same time.
513
00:22:35,896 --> 00:22:38,899
Or why you happened to be
in the office when we got there.
514
00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:40,484
This whole thing
was a masquerade, wasn't it?
515
00:22:40,651 --> 00:22:41,735
Yeah.
516
00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:44,613
I can't believe we fell for it!
517
00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:46,115
You know, all this time,
we thought you were
518
00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:49,660
just a sweet, beer-guzzling lug
named Norm Peterson.
519
00:22:49,827 --> 00:22:51,704
- Well, the jig is up, Kreitzer!
- What?
520
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,205
Oh, man, that's pretty slick
521
00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:55,666
pretending to be a nice guy so
you could spy on us.
522
00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:57,334
Wait a second, man,
you got it all wrong.
523
00:22:57,501 --> 00:23:00,045
- Oh, save it for the stage, Anton!
- What?
524
00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:01,463
Man, this is reality!
525
00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:02,506
Huh?
526
00:23:02,673 --> 00:23:04,508
All right, I am Kreitzer!
527
00:23:04,675 --> 00:23:06,176
Do you wanna go back
to work for me?
528
00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:07,803
Yeah, man, I'd love
working for a psycho.
529
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:09,388
Gosh, man, you're pathetic.
530
00:23:09,555 --> 00:23:11,390
Wait a minute! Rudy, Rudy, Rudy!
Come on now!
531
00:23:11,557 --> 00:23:13,017
I'm not Kreitzer,
I'm Norm Peterson.
532
00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:14,351
I swear to God.
I can prove it to you.
533
00:23:14,518 --> 00:23:15,603
Watch this.
534
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:16,770
Afternoon, everyone.
535
00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:18,230
- Anton!
- Anton!