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00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,463
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:07,466
Look at that baby go.
3
00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:09,051
The Wabash Cannonball.
4
00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:13,055
Yes, sir, with two mail cars serving
the citizens of this great land, Woody.
5
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:14,598
Cliffy, come on, man.
6
00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:17,142
I laid track for you,
I helped you with the wiring.
7
00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:18,769
When do I get
to handle the controls?
8
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,812
When I think you're good
and ready there, young man.
9
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:22,272
That's right, Mr. Peterson.
10
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,857
When we think you're
good and ready.
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00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:25,859
Hey, Carla, check this out.
12
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,362
Mr. Clavin came up
with a great idea for this railroad
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I think you're really going to like.
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Does it involve tying him to the tracks
with a stick of dynamite in his mouth?
15
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,995
Now look, Carla, this baby is a great
labor-saving device. You'll see.
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Look, why don't you just
sit right on over there
17
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,916
and pretend that you're a customer?
18
00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:43,043
So, what will you have, missy?
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Gee, I love role playing.
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May I have a beer,
please, Mr. Bartender?
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One brew coming right up!
22
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:54,137
All right, now, Norm,
take heed here.
23
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,306
It takes a steady hand
to man the throttle.
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Yeah, but it only takes
one finger to throw a switch.
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Last stop. Everybody off.
26
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Sam, why do I always have
to learn everything from the newspaper?
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Look at this column.
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"On this day
in Boston's history."
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Yeah? So? I mean,
they run this column every day.
30
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It tells what happened
ten years ago, 50 years ago.
31
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What are we looking for,
the last time you had sex?
32
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:43,163
No, no, no. This only
goes back a hundred years.
33
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,125
Why are you all so interested
in my sex life?
34
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Well, somebody has to be.
35
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Oh, hey, look at that.
Did you see this, Rebecca?
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Duh.
37
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"100 Years ago today,
38
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a new tavern opened
at 112 1/2 Beacon Street."
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Wait, wait. A mailman
never forgets an address, hang on.
40
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,728
Why is 112 1/2 Beacon Street
sending a message to my brain?
41
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,106
Probably because
you're sitting on it.
42
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:15,070
Carla, I hate it when you make those
sitting-on-my-brain jokes.
43
00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,447
Uh, Cliffy,
she meant 112 1/2 beacon street.
44
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,032
That's Cheers' address.
you're sitting here.
45
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,369
No, I was making
a Cliff-sitting-on-his-brain joke.
46
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,705
See, I told you. Thank you, Carla.
47
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:27,874
The point is, this is our centennial.
48
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Cheers is 100 years old.
49
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Hang on here.
Isn't there a sign outside
50
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,840
that says "established in 1895"?
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00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,883
No, don't pay any attention to that.
I made that number up.
52
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You what?
53
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,180
That was back when
Carla was into that number stuff.
54
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:44,474
You mean the science
of numerology, Sam.
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00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,101
You see, boss,
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00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:48,937
if you take 1-8-9-5
and you reduce it,
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you come out to five.
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Whereas, 1-8-8-9
comes out to eight.
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00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:56,236
And five, for me, is obviously a much
luckier number than eight.
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Wait, now, you have eight children.
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00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:01,074
Exactly, and I should've stopped at 5.
62
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,160
Well, anyway, I got to tell you,
63
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,036
I'm going to make the most
of this centennial thing.
64
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:07,664
I already have Woody at
the library doing research.
65
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:10,709
And I think we'll all dress
in gay '90s costumes.
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00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:13,503
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, yes, yes, yes.
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00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,880
We'll going to spend
the entire week
68
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:18,467
celebrating the fabulous
100 years of Cheers.
69
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,844
Those centennial
things are so dorky.
70
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:25,223
I actually think I'll roll back
the prices to 1889 prices.
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00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:27,225
Like, beer would be five cents a glass.
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All right. Dork line forms right behind me.
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See?
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00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,524
This is really going to be big.
75
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,610
You know, I'm going to
call Mayor Flynn's office
76
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,070
and see if they'll designate
Cheers a landmark.
77
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,782
I just wish I had an in with him.
78
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:46,453
An in? Well, I've been corresponding
with his honor for about a year now.
79
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,246
Every week, I just write him
a little message.
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You know, talking about the
running of our fair city.
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You might want
to mention my name.
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Right, Cliff.
83
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:57,422
And when I speak to President Bush,
I'll remember you to him, too.
84
00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,382
No, don't bother.
We're not on speaking terms.
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00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:03,386
He forgot to send me a "thank you"
for the inaugural fruitcake I sent him.
86
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:09,559
Oh, look who's here.
It's Wimpy and Blimpy.
87
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,772
You haven't popped that kid yet, huh?
88
00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,941
Oh, no, no, no.
Lilith had the baby weeks ago.
89
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:18,109
We just decided to put it back in
for old times' sake.
90
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,239
Frasier, don't snipe.
People are interested.
91
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,115
Oh, all right, I'll behave.
92
00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:27,118
I'm guess I'm just a little overanxious
to finally see the slimy little rat.
93
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,123
Frasier, the child will be born
when the child is ready to be born.
94
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,333
Well, enjoy your freedom, Lilith.
95
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,837
'Cause once you've gone through
the unspeakable horror of childbirth
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00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,089
And the painful drudgery of parenthood,
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00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:42,759
you'll spend the rest of your life wishing
you'd sold the little brat to the gypsies.
98
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,094
How would you know?
99
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:46,137
That's what Ma tells me.
100
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:49,724
A-ha!
101
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:52,018
Mayor Flynn's office loves the idea.
102
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He's not only going to name
next Saturday "Cheers day",
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he may also come here in person
to present us with a special plaque.
104
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Oh, Woody! I'm glad you're back.
105
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:01,987
What did you find out at the library?
106
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,613
Oh, a bunch of stuff.
107
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:08,118
Like, they have story hour
every Tuesday and Thursday.
108
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,913
The fine for overdue books is 10 cents a day,
109
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,375
and you can't yell out things
like, "wow, 10 cents a day?"
110
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Woody, I mean what did you find out about
the history of this place?
111
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:20,672
Nothing much.
112
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Really?
113
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,301
Just pulling your chain.
Yank, yank.
114
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:28,763
No, no, looky here.
115
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:31,600
I got this great big
Boston history book.
116
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:35,312
As near as I can figure,
this place was originally called "Moms".
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"Moms."
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You know, I bet mom was some
twinkly little old lady,
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and all the whalers used to come in here
and order her homemade apple pie.
120
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,364
Well, no.
121
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:49,242
Actually, mom was an aging
ex-fan dancer
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00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:53,622
who provided free room and board
to attractive, newly-arriving immigrant groups.
123
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,670
Woody, please say,
"yank, yank."
124
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It says so here.
125
00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:05,050
You know, this actually reminds me
of a cute little old place
126
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,718
they had back in Hanover.
127
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,054
Woody, you've got
the wrong idea.
128
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,639
Yeah, you're probably right.
129
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,724
That place back in Hanover
was a whorehouse.
130
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,067
...In town
131
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:29,574
Back in town
132
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:35,413
That was fantastic.
Aren't you guys supposed to have a monkey?
133
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,836
All right, guys,
does this look like 1889?
134
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,632
Hey!
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00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,759
Didn't we agree to all wear costumes?
136
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- Uh-huh.
- Well, why didn't you?
137
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Look at me. I'm the only one.
I look like an idiot.
138
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:52,430
That's why.
139
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,184
People, will you
help me here?
140
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:59,437
I'm trying to create
a turn-of-the-century mood.
141
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,189
So am I. Sammy, here's 5 bucks.
142
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:02,732
Can I have a hundred
beers, please?
143
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,324
You know, everything's
coming out pretty good.
144
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,784
The mayor's on his way.
145
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:15,036
The 5 o'clock news is going to send
a camera team.
146
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,079
Oh, and I see my singers are here.
147
00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:17,455
Yeah, thanks a lot for that.
148
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,040
Now I have to put up
with barbershop all day.
149
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:20,709
I hate barbershop.
150
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,711
Where do you get your hair cut, Sam?
151
00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:25,171
Here.
152
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,756
Tell them Sam sent you.
153
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:31,469
Sam, the quartet is
very, very important.
154
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:34,431
I want everything to be just like it was
at the turn-of-the-century.
155
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:38,268
Wait till
the sun shines, nelly
156
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,228
And the clouds
go drifting by
157
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Just knock it off, will you?
158
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,774
Sam!
159
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,068
Oh, come on. That kind of stuff
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00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,778
has been getting
on people's nerves for 100 years.
161
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,488
It's time somebody
did something about it.
162
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:53,908
No offense.
163
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:58,705
Miss Howe?
164
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,291
Oh, goody, goody!
165
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,334
It's my special guest.
166
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:06,046
Hey, everybody, I want
you to meet Mr. Weaver.
167
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,423
Come in, Mr. Weaver.
168
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,260
Sam, I'd like you to meet Mr. Weaver.
169
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,679
He's over 106 years old.
170
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,348
Really? Well, you don't look it... I guess.
171
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,350
I mean, who would know, huh?
172
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,521
The reason Mr. Weaver's
our guest of honor today
173
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,857
is because he used to live
in this neighborhood.
174
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:29,527
Get it? He was here
when Cheers opened.
175
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,363
Big deal. I'm always here
when Cheers opens.
176
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:34,282
I mean originally.
177
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:38,411
Mr. Weaver confirmed that
there was a beer tavern here in 1889.
178
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,039
This man is a living treasure.
179
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,707
Hey, wait a minute.
180
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:48,838
Did you just pinch me?
181
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,006
Did I?
182
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,758
Bad boy.
183
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,972
Hey!
184
00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,641
Hey, Mac, pinch me again,
185
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:01,851
and you won't live to 107.
186
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:03,937
Wish you--
187
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,438
You shut up!
188
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:12,070
Lilith, I promise I will never
say another word about inducing labor.
189
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,029
Thank you.
190
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,114
Boo!
191
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,034
Frasier, it's not hiccups.
192
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,452
You can't scare it out.
193
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,581
My God, Lilith, you still haven't
delivered that child yet?
194
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:24,791
No, I haven't, Rebecca.
195
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,502
Lilith's logic is that if she can keep
clenching long enough,
196
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:29,796
we may bypass the terrible twos.
197
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,968
Frasier, I'm not clenching.
198
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,679
The child is simply
not ready to be born.
199
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:41,474
Lilith, the child
is two weeks overdue.
200
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,685
Boy, two weeks overdue?
201
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:46,563
You'd be out $1.40 at the library.
202
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:54,946
Oh, my God, it's him!
203
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,781
It's the mayor.
204
00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,658
Hey, it really is the mayor. Hi.
205
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,118
And look, he's got a little plaque.
206
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:02,537
Well, he's probably
too busy to brush between meals.
207
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:03,705
No.
208
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:06,958
How do you do, Your Honor?
209
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:11,004
I'm Rebecca Howe.
Welcome to Cheers' 100th anniversary.
210
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,047
Please, come in. Meet my staff.
211
00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:15,091
This is Sam Malone.
This is Woody Boyd.
212
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,176
Carla LeBec, the mayor.
213
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,594
Pleased to meet you.
214
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,054
So what's with all the potholes
on my street?
215
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:22,724
Carla...
216
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,267
It's all right, I voted for him twice...
217
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,227
In the same election.
218
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,898
Uh, I'm sure you're joking,
219
00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,649
but I'll look into those potholes for you.
220
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,611
Mayor, if you'd come this way...
221
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:35,862
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Mayor.
222
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,530
We haven't had the honor yet.
223
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:41,534
I'm somebody who sort of
writes you about once a week.
224
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,328
You might remember the name.
Cliff Clavin?
225
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:46,372
Clavin. Clavin.
Why does that name ring a bell?
226
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,707
Your Honor.
227
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,294
Oh, my God. He's the one.
228
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:53,171
See if he's armed.
229
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,258
There's got to be a mistake here.
230
00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:58,551
I'm not a fanatic.
231
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,053
I'm a member of the US Postal Service.
232
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,721
Yep, he's the guy all right.
233
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,431
What are you talking about?
234
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,475
You're just miffed
because you didn't get
235
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,644
an inaugural fruitcake
on your election.
236
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,020
Well, you can hold your breath, pal,
237
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,897
'cause when I get out of jail...
238
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:14,484
Excuse me, Your Honor,
we've known Cliff Clavin for a long time.
239
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:15,944
He's okay.
240
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:18,196
So you don't think he could
snap and become violent?
241
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:21,074
Uh...well, okay might be
too strong of a word.
242
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:24,535
Your Honor, I can assure you
243
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,996
that is not typical of our clientele here.
244
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,582
Most of the people that
come in here are...
245
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:30,959
Well, they're professionals.
246
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:34,170
You know, I'm beginning to wonder
if you're fit to carry my seed.
247
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,172
I'm beginning to wish you'd kept it.
248
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,012
Aren't they fun?
249
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:45,640
Oh, Your Honor, wait, please.
250
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,767
I would like you to meet Mr. Weaver.
251
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:51,396
Mr. Weaver is over 106 years old.
252
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,064
And still very active.
253
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:55,358
Carla.
254
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,694
Would you please
show Mr. Weaver
255
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,071
our relaxing and lovely
billiards lounge?
256
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,824
Let's go, pops,
put your hands in your pockets
257
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,492
and walk five feet in front of me.
258
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:10,290
Well, now that we have
this quiet time alone,
259
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,418
maybe now would be
a good time for you to present that plaque.
260
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:14,919
Absolutely, Miss Howe.
261
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,963
- Ready when you are, Mr. Mayor.
- Thank you, Bob.
262
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:19,299
On behalf of the people
of the city of Boston,
263
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:20,591
it is a great pleasure--
264
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:23,261
Hey, hey! The old geezer
just keeled over on the pool table!
265
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,721
Oh, boy.
Somebody get a doctor.
266
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,556
- I'm a doctor.
- Oh, really, Lilith.
267
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,975
I suppose you'll revive him
by having a baby on him.
268
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:33,771
Would you just step on it?
269
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:36,107
There are people waiting
to use that pool table.
270
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,527
It's just as well seeing
I just went into labor.
271
00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:41,529
Yow! Whoa!
272
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:46,159
Wait till
the sun shines, nelly--
273
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,535
- Shut up!
- Shut up!
274
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,961
Excuse me.
Can I have your attention, please?
275
00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:59,464
Thank God.
How are you, Mr. Weaver?
276
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,549
He's fine. He has something
he wants to say to everybody.
277
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,259
I'm sorry.
278
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,552
Sorry for what?
279
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,597
He just faked the heart attack
so girls would bend over him.
280
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,685
Although personally,
I think that was rather clever.
281
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,608
Darling, Sam just told me.
are you feeling any discomfort?
282
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:21,027
Whoa!
283
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,112
I'll take that as a yes.
284
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,572
I'll go pull the car around.
285
00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,157
We'll be at the hospital in no time.
286
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:28,993
- Woody, would you help her with her Lamaze?
- What's Lamaze?
287
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:32,121
Oh, Woody, there's no time for that now.
All right, very briefly.
288
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:35,416
It's a psycho-prophylactic
relaxation method.
289
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,668
It was discovered by the great, late
Dr. Fernand Lamaze
290
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,462
While on a trip to Russia.
It was later perfected--
291
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,464
Holy Mother of Pearl!
292
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:45,635
Well, just go
"Hoo-hoo-hoo, hee-hee-hee."
293
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,637
I'm going to
boil some water.
294
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,305
What for?
295
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:50,765
I'm going to have some tea.
Do you want some?
296
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,978
How does that go again?
297
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,438
Hoo hoo hoo!
298
00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:58,981
- Hee hee hee!
- Hee hee hee!
299
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,483
Hoo hoo hoo.
300
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:01,734
Hee hee hee.
301
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,069
Woody, Woody, Woody,
take it easy.
302
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,987
Don't let Lilith hyperventilate there.
303
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,115
Hoo hoo hee...
304
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,370
Good boy.
305
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,790
Obviously, Miss Howe,
things are quite hectic around here.
306
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:18,292
I better come back
in another 100 years.
307
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:19,877
No, no, it's not hectic here.
308
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:22,588
It's all this faking heart attacks
and giving birth
309
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,173
and illegal gambling.
310
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,134
- Illegal gambling?
- Nothing.
311
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,385
We better get out of here.
Let's go.
312
00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:31,848
I've parked my car in
that damn red zone a thousand times!
313
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,850
They pick today to tow my car away!
314
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:38,354
Listen, I got my car outside.
Here, I'll give you a lift.
315
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:40,523
- Let me help you.
- All right, just be brave.
316
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,942
Think lovely, simple, wonderful thoughts.
317
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,069
Novocaine.
318
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,405
Codeine.
319
00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:48,990
Demerol-- whoa!
320
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,700
Whiskey. Rum.
321
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:54,078
Knock me unconscious
with a mallet!
322
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:04,046
How far apart are
the contractions now?
323
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:06,549
Well, let's see,
they were three minutes.
324
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:07,675
Now they're...
325
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:09,969
About 40 minutes?
326
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,638
I think they've stopped,
Frasier.
327
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,015
Oh, darn. Too bad.
328
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:16,642
I mean, you were
in such pain there for a while.
329
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,646
It was false labor.
We made this trip for nothing.
330
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,523
Well, why don't we wait for
the doctor to confirm it.
331
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,525
In the meantime,
you just try to stay comfortable.
332
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:27,153
How? There's no air conditioning.
333
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,656
I've got 50 pounds
of baby flesh crushing a major artery,
334
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,241
and I want to go home.
335
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,619
Well, you know what they say?
That's the first sign you're getting better.
336
00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,164
That a girl.
337
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,250
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude.
338
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:42,543
Oh, no problem.
339
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:43,628
Oh!
340
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,090
Forty seconds.
341
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,425
Oh, excuse me,
342
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,677
but shouldn't somebody be here
with you right now?
343
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,638
I'm being taken care of.
344
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:57,225
The doctor comes in every few minutes
and tells me it's not that bad.
345
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,021
Well... are you all alone here?
346
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,482
My husband's in the merchant marines.
347
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,442
My parents live in Michigan.
348
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:09,529
We just moved here.
I don't even know anybody in Boston.
349
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,948
Well, hell, you do now.
Sam Malone.
350
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:12,949
Gail Aldrich.
351
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,827
Oh, God!
I've never felt pain like this.
352
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,122
Sorry.
353
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,959
There's another one.
They're coming closer.
354
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:25,086
Uh... shoot. Frasier?
355
00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:27,797
Say, can you come over here
and help us with that breathing stuff?
356
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,465
Darling, I'll be right back.
357
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:31,050
In the meantime, you just try
to think of good things.
358
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,218
Like what?
359
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,095
Like you're not her.
360
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,392
All right, now,
the important thing is to relax.
361
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,144
Try to find a focal point,
something to concentrate on.
362
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,896
All right. Good.
Let's look something pretty here.
363
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,398
- It could be anything.
- Beige walls.
364
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,400
Sam has a nice smile.
365
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,569
Oh! good, good, good.
Sam, yes.
366
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,195
Focus on Sam's smile.
367
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,154
All right.
368
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:55,116
Oh, Sam, you do have
a lovely smile.
369
00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:58,911
Did you
have those bonded?
370
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:02,164
No, but I do have them polished
four times a year.
371
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,417
I only go twice a year.
maybe I should step it up.
372
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:06,836
Oh, good, you're here.
373
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,379
Listen, her contractions
are one on top of another.
374
00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:09,797
Ready to go, huh?
375
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,966
You bet I am.
Oh, you probably mean her.
376
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:14,969
Oh! It's starting!
377
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:16,512
Let's get you to the delivery room.
378
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,015
Oh, boy!
379
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,558
It's hard to get out of this bed.
380
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:23,144
Really? I wonder where a guy like me
can get one of those?
381
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:26,772
Smile. Smile.
382
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,816
We're with you here.
383
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,402
I'll be right back, hon.
Will you be all right?
384
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:35,489
Sure. I'm just counting
the tiny holes in the ceiling tiles.
385
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,410
Of course, now that you've
interrupted me,
386
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:41,662
I'm going to have to
start all over again.
387
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,123
That's my girl.
388
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:46,584
One...
389
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,628
two... three...
390
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,046
four--
391
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:53,007
Oh, doctor, thank God.
I felt so isolated here.
392
00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:54,759
I guess I had false labor.
393
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:57,887
I'm so terribly embarrassed
because I'm a doctor myself,
394
00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,639
and I was so sure
this was the real thing.
395
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,099
Not to mention the fact that I was sure
I'd become a mother today.
396
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,517
And now I have to go on waiting.
397
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,603
I need someone to talk me through this.
398
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,897
And please, please, tell me what to do.
399
00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:10,107
False labor. Go home.
400
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:22,244
I telephoned your parents,
told them you had a boy.
401
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,704
They are thrilled to death.
402
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:26,040
Although your father did ask
twice who the hell I was.
403
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,085
Thanks. You are both so sweet.
404
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,544
Yeah, but I'm sweeter, right?
405
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:34,048
If you'll excuse me.
I can't wait to share this miracle with Lilith.
406
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,843
Well, I better not disturb her now.
407
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,304
She and the baby are resting, so... Whoa!
408
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,600
Who is that?
409
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,976
Your son.
410
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:47,937
My son?
411
00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,397
A boy?
412
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:50,981
I'm a father.
413
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:52,942
Sam, Sam, I have a son.
414
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,276
Congratulations.
415
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,861
He looks just exactly like me.
416
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,698
Oh, don't worry about that.
All babies look like that at first.
417
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:01,575
May I?
418
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:05,413
Aw, look, Sam...
419
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:06,956
- Look.
- My son.
420
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,418
Oh, Frasier,
he has your eyes.
421
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:14,004
And look at that.
He has Lilith's chin.
422
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:16,465
- He's got my nose.
- Don't be ridiculous.
423
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,467
No, I mean he's got my nose.
424
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,306
Aw... whoo!
425
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,267
Look, he's so cute.
426
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,185
I could stare at him for hours.
427
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:31,230
- Sam?
- I got to go. Sorry.
428
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:34,775
You all set here?
429
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:36,652
Yeah. Just give me two minutes
to get out of my uniform.
430
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:39,447
Two minutes? Are you kidding?
I can cut that time in half.
431
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:43,409
I can't believe we have a son.
432
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,661
But, Lilith, when did
all this happen?
433
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:48,748
After the doctor discharged me,
I looked for you, couldn't find you,
434
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,040
so I took a cab.
435
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,876
I gave birth in the back seat.
436
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,712
The cabbie was nice enough
to let me
437
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:57,173
bite down on one of
his foam rubber dice.
438
00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:04,597
Oh, my precious angel.
You were so brave.
439
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:07,183
The only problem was that
every time I pushed,
440
00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:09,310
my feet kept opening
the back door into traffic.
441
00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:14,982
The greatest moment of my life,
and I missed it.
442
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,485
You must want to kill me.
443
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:19,820
Now, Frasier, now is not
the time for reproaches.
444
00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:21,363
Now is the time to rejoice.
445
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:24,241
The reproaches can come tomorrow
and for the next 50 years.
446
00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:28,746
Is it any wonder I love you so?
447
00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:32,416
Oh, look, his first smile.
448
00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:34,293
Darling face.
449
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,128
As much as we would like
to believe otherwise,
450
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:37,922
we both know
that newborn infants
451
00:21:38,088 --> 00:21:41,091
are incapable of revealing emotion
through facial expression.
452
00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:42,802
It's probably just gas.
453
00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:46,180
- Oh, his first gas!
- Oh, his first gas!
454
00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:54,355
Hey, Norm.
455
00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:57,566
Frasier and Lilith had a boy.
456
00:21:57,733 --> 00:21:59,026
All right!
457
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:00,903
Yeah, I got some pictures here.
You want to see them?
458
00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:02,029
Yeah, let's see.
459
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:05,199
Let's see here. All right. Uh...
460
00:22:05,366 --> 00:22:06,325
Well, this is the nurse.
461
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:10,788
Nurse...
462
00:22:10,955 --> 00:22:12,706
- Nurse...
- Ooh!
463
00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:13,541
Me and the nurse.
464
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:17,044
Oh, right, no. Here's one with the kid.
465
00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:18,921
Where's the kid?
466
00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:21,215
The fuzzy thing
the nurse is bending over.
467
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:26,095
Where is everybody?
468
00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:28,138
Oh, well, the party
kinda got out of hand
469
00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:30,891
after Rebecca wrestled
the five o'clock news guy to the ground
470
00:22:31,058 --> 00:22:32,601
and ripped all the tape
out of his camera.
471
00:22:34,603 --> 00:22:36,021
How about Cliff? How's he doing?
472
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:38,357
I think they're still
interrogating him downtown.
473
00:22:38,524 --> 00:22:39,650
But Carla went after him.
474
00:22:39,650 --> 00:22:40,609
To bail him out?
475
00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:42,736
No, to poke things at him
through the bars.
476
00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:47,575
But don't worry, Sammy.
I've watched the bar.
477
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,577
I've kept very careful track of
how many beers I've had.
478
00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:50,411
Yeah.
479
00:22:50,911 --> 00:22:52,204
I think this is, um...
480
00:22:53,038 --> 00:22:54,123
Two.
481
00:22:54,123 --> 00:22:56,208
Yeah, right.
482
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:57,918
Uh, Sammy,
483
00:22:58,669 --> 00:23:00,337
think you can show me
how to change a keg?
484
00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:04,842
So you're all alone here, huh?
485
00:23:05,009 --> 00:23:06,385
Well, no, not exactly.
486
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:10,764
Wait till
the sun shines, nelly
487
00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:14,101
And the clouds
go drifting by
488
00:23:14,268 --> 00:23:17,646
We will be happy,
nelly
489
00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,273
Don't you--