1
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,505
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:05,839
Hey, everybody!
3
00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:09,384
My grandmother cleaned out her attic.
Guess what she found?
4
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:10,677
Your grandfather?
5
00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:14,056
No. he doesn't go in the attic.
6
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,643
It's a memory quilt
7
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:19,895
That all the women
in my family made for me
8
00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:22,314
when I graduated from high school.
9
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,690
I've heard about these things.
10
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,567
A bunch of women get together
and embroider patches
11
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,444
that illustrate your happy memories
of the young man's life.
12
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:30,697
So these women were
authentic folk artists then?
13
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,324
No. Just bored housewives.
14
00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,244
Hey, check this out.
15
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,621
See this soft little square here?
16
00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:40,415
This is a piece of
my very first baby blanket.
17
00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:43,210
What do those little
dots signify?
18
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:46,713
That represents my
very first childhood disease, smallpox.
19
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,383
I almost died.
20
00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:54,054
What's that long
green thing there?
21
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:57,266
This is the beanstalk
from my first high school play.
22
00:00:57,266 --> 00:01:01,061
I fell off of it in the first act,
cracked two ribs and punctured a lung.
23
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:03,814
I almost died.
24
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,860
This red patch here
represents the big fire
25
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,029
that burned down my house
when I was six.
26
00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:13,949
And what, you almost died?
27
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:15,909
No. I got out.
28
00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:20,872
While I was running away,
I fell in this well right here,
29
00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:22,499
and I almost...
30
00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,293
Well, you know.
31
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,787
Okay, everybody,
I got a petition here
32
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:43,372
I want you all to sign.
33
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:45,290
Clavin, you first.
34
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:49,002
No, no. I'm very particular
about where I put my John Hancock.
35
00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,797
If you don't sign this in the
next 30 seconds,
36
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:54,383
your John Hancock is going to be
a Betsy Ross.
37
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:58,303
Right about here, you say?
38
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,140
Not that I'm questioning you,
or anything, sweetheart,
39
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,433
but what are we signing here?
40
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:07,562
Well, when Eddie passed away,
I wanted to do something special for him.
41
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:10,941
So I started this petition
to get the Bruins to retire his number.
42
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,734
Kind of like a memorial.
43
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,737
Yeah, that'll show the people of Boston
won't forget old...
44
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:18,490
Old... what the hell is his number?
45
00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:19,741
Thirty eight.
46
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:20,867
38? Oh, no, no.
47
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,452
Thirty eight will not work.
48
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:25,372
That's like the most popular
guy on the team, one of the top-scorers.
49
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,665
Is he dead?
50
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:29,126
All right. Eddie's got him there, I guess.
51
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,169
Don't you forget it.
52
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:33,630
All right, I got to get
more names, everybody.
53
00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:36,091
You guys over here,
you want to sign a petition
54
00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:37,718
to commemorate Eddie LeBec?
55
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:38,927
Oh, sure.
56
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,429
Well deserved, too.
57
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:43,640
Thank you. At least somebody around here
has some respect.
58
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,225
Who's Eddie LeBec?
59
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:48,478
You remember.
He's that cartoon skunk...
60
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,525
Who always fell in love with black cats
61
00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:55,444
That had crawled under freshly
painted fences.
62
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:56,737
Oh, yeah.
63
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,363
Is he dead?
64
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,158
Yeah. Just sign.
65
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,289
Oh... darn...
66
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,207
Why...
67
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,251
Why me?
68
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,671
You want to talk about it,
or do you want to whine?
69
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,507
I guess I want to talk about it.
70
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,259
No, no. Can't do both.
71
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,722
Corporate wants me to throw
some idiotic, stupid retirement party
72
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,558
for some insignificant
middle-management nobody.
73
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:29,603
You're retiring? Congratulations!
74
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:33,231
I wish. I thought I was through with
this sort of crap.
75
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,358
Corporate hasn't
bothered me for months now.
76
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,486
In fact, I haven't even
heard from those people
77
00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:38,862
in I don't know how long.
78
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,865
Hey...
79
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,950
Wait a minute.
80
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:44,993
You don't think they
have somebody else
81
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,037
doing this stuff, do you?
82
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:50,207
Oh, who's moving in
on my turf?
83
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,584
I'm going to make
a few calls.
84
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,296
Hello, everyone!
85
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,089
It's Cranes รก trois.
86
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,177
Look who's making
his first trip to the big bar.
87
00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:04,012
Show everybody
his little fake ID, hon.
88
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,015
Frasier, please.
89
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,975
I'm just having a little fun.
90
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,394
I've tapped into a whole new vein
of humor with this baby thing.
91
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:12,896
For example,
92
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,773
how many babies does
it take to change a light bulb?
93
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,608
Answer... none!
94
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,527
Babies don't have the motor skills
or the depth perception
95
00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:20,195
to change a light bulb.
96
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,573
That one does get me.
97
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:29,246
He looks so different than
he did in the hospital.
98
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:32,040
Yes, I know. The days flee so quickly.
99
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:35,001
If only we had had the foresight
to capture those early days of innocence.
100
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,254
Now they're gone forever.
101
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,421
How old is he now?
102
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:39,840
About a week.
103
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:44,135
Say, has his bellybutton
fallen off yet?
104
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,346
Oh, any day now.
105
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,181
What do you mean?
106
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,267
Well, you see,
when the umbilical cord is severed,
107
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:53,812
the remaining umbilicus stays attached
to the naval for several days,
108
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:59,234
during which time it comes to resemble
a sort of shriveled, week-old banana.
109
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:01,486
It's very funny you use that analogy
110
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:04,447
because the human umbilical cord,
if memory serves,
111
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,408
is 90% potassium.
112
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:13,540
Stay away from the baby, will you, Cliff?
113
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:24,384
You got a name
for him yet?
114
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,677
Frederick.
115
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:27,262
Hey, all right!
116
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,681
Fred, Freddy, the Fredder man!
117
00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:31,766
Frederick.
118
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:37,105
That, uh,
that's quite a rig you got there.
119
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,523
Isn't it marvelous?
120
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:41,443
This is a native rebozo
used by the peasant women of Mexico
121
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:43,069
to keep the baby close and warm
122
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,196
and enable it to feel
the mother's heartbeat.
123
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:47,782
How much does something like
that run you?
124
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,243
Just a few paltry pesos in Mexico.
125
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,204
Or 144 bucks at Saks.
126
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:57,459
Well, Daddy, we should run
if we want to pick up those deli platters
127
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:58,752
before the party.
128
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,421
You are all coming to the bris this
afternoon, aren't you?
129
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,924
You bet. We wouldn't miss
that bris deal for anything.
130
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,800
I can't tell you
how much it means to us.
131
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,845
As you all know, I was raised without
a religious tradition.
132
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,514
I'm determined my son shall not be
similarly deprived.
133
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,975
I'm so grateful to Lilith
and her Jewish faith
134
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:17,771
for providing Frederick
a heritage of spirituality.
135
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,023
You know, the ceremony promises
to be quite enlightening.
136
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,651
After all, it's not every day
you're ritually circumcised.
137
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:23,693
What?
138
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,363
Well, that's what a bris is.
139
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:29,366
Yes. The religious ceremony
where the baby's circumcised.
140
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,034
Oh, the baby!
141
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,674
Look, Eddie wasn't
just any hockey player.
142
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:49,135
He was a legend.
He represents the little people.
143
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,680
It's the least you can do!
144
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:53,640
Okay, fine!
145
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,601
Boy, one of these days,
I'm going to kill my mother.
146
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:01,231
Are those losers
from corporate here yet?
147
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:02,482
Just you.
148
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:05,777
What is that?
149
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:08,321
I needed some refreshments
for the retirement party,
150
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,700
so I got this day-old platter of seafood
from Melville's.
151
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:14,911
Ohh, the shrimp
is slithering off the toothpicks.
152
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:17,330
Don't just stand there.
Get me a hot glue gun.
153
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,878
Hey, Sam, what are you doing back?
I thought you were going to the baby's bris.
154
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,046
Well, I wanted to.
155
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:27,966
Have you ever tried
to find a date for one of those things?
156
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,970
Don't you think that
Frasier and Lilith are gonna be insulted
157
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,555
if you're not there?
158
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:36,766
You know what a mob scene those
circumcisions are.
159
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:40,812
They're not going to miss
one little person.
160
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:43,732
Hey... wait a minute, man.
161
00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:44,983
What are you doing here?
162
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:46,359
I was going to go,
163
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,778
but the thought of renting a tuxedo
164
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,280
and everything just...
165
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,449
It wasn't formal.
You didn't need to rent a tuxedo.
166
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:55,243
Great. Then I can afford
a few more rounds.
167
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:59,456
You know, you guys,
this is a very important occasion for the cranes.
168
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,082
Somebody should go from Cheers.
169
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,667
Why aren't you there?
170
00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,002
I have a perfect excuse.
171
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,004
I have to entertain
a bunch of deadheads.
172
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,715
Well, we're here. Start, uh, juggling.
173
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,513
We're here
for my retirement party.
174
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,057
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
175
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,392
Everything's set up
in the back. Come on.
176
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,228
Come on.
Shake 'em, don't dawdle.
177
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,317
I don't see why I have to retire.
I'm only 65.
178
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,736
I've got ten or 15
more good years in me.
179
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,780
The seafood will
take care of that.
180
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:39,245
Hey. Sam and Mr. Peterson are here.
181
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,830
You didn't go, either?
182
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,457
It's not our fault.
183
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:46,294
I mean... we looked and looked
for a place to park.
184
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,629
Just couldn't find one.
185
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:50,924
Maybe we should have looked near their house
instead of just around the ball park.
186
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:54,052
So you guys
all chickened out, huh?
187
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,596
Carla, you're a woman.
You couldn't possibly understand.
188
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,890
What, you're
a bunch of wussy wimps
189
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:01,059
who couldn't even go to a ceremony
190
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,853
that involved a little pain
that wasn't even your own?
191
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,064
Oh, then you
do understand.
192
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,025
This is nothing anyway.
193
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:10,693
The original rites of passage
194
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,655
started with the jungle tribes
down there in Borneo.
195
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,990
- Yeah.
- When a young jungle tribal lad
196
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:18,827
was on the brink of puberty,
they'd bring him forward
197
00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:21,955
and take out this large,
sharpened clamshell--
198
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,415
Oh, no. Don't tell me.
199
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,668
Fill it with dip, pass it around
with the hors d'oeuvres...
200
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:31,047
Then they'd take
these two jagged big rocks--
201
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,299
- Oh, Cliff ie, Cliff, Cliff.
- Bang them together
202
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,093
to call all of the tribes out of the hills,
203
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,262
then the witch doctor stepped up
204
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:40,640
with this long, sharpened bamboo staff--
205
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,350
Oh, here it comes.
206
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,185
Shoved it into the ground
and hung a flag on it.
207
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:48,231
They danced around it pretty much
till they dropped.
208
00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:50,942
Wait. When do they
circumcise the kid?
209
00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:52,861
What do you mean,
circumcise?
210
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:55,155
There are no Jews in Borneo, you moot yak.
211
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:08,084
I don't know
about you guys,
212
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:10,837
but I feel ashamed.
213
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,589
I mean, Lilith and Frasier
are our friends.
214
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,048
We should be there.
215
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,341
Sammy's right.
216
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:18,052
There are times when
a man has to stand up and be counted.
217
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:20,722
They will have those really big pickles,
won't they?
218
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,057
You're right. I'm with you.
219
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:25,351
Besides, Frasier's our pal.
220
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,520
If he's man enough to do this,
then we should be.
221
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:29,022
Come on.
222
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:33,610
The bris is off.
I've kidnapped my son.
223
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,956
You kidnapped him?
What about the bris?
224
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,458
Sam, I just couldn't
go through with it.
225
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:53,588
I mean, I tried to,
tradition and Lilith and all that,
226
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,173
but my God,
I'm the boy's father.
227
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:57,926
And that guy was about to give my son
one hell of a boo-boo.
228
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,807
I assure you, Frederick,
229
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:07,685
this won't happen every time we have
people over to the house.
230
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,271
What, uh...
231
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,148
So what did the little woman
have to say about all this?
232
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:14,400
Oh, my God, Lilith.
233
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,737
I never looked back after I elbowed her
into the chopped liver.
234
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:21,950
Frasier, as a married man,
I think I can give you some advice.
235
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:24,410
You go back. You talk to her.
You iron this out.
236
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,871
What's the worst
that could happen?
237
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,539
She can't kill you.
238
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:30,458
You were dead the
moment you said "I do."
239
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:32,919
You're right, I should go back.
240
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,421
I'd be so embarrassed.
241
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:37,048
I mean, how can you go back
to a roomful of people
242
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:38,341
that think you're a total idiot?
243
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,634
I mean, how do you do it, Cliff?
244
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:45,640
Well, I don't really like to divulge...
245
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,350
Hey!
246
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,980
Come here.
Listen, I know what you'd tell me
247
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:52,981
in a situation like this.
248
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:55,858
First you'd say a lot of gobbledygook
no one could understand,
249
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,902
but then you'd get me to go back there
250
00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:00,238
and face the music and the truth.
251
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,866
You're right, Sam, confronting one's fears
is one of the five ways
252
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:06,536
to resolve an inner conflict,
with the other four being--
253
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,329
God, aren't I a pompous ass?
254
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,665
No, you're not pompous.
255
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:12,041
Listen, I'll tell you what...
256
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,628
We're all gonna go back
there with you.
257
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:16,879
- All right.
- Really?
258
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,047
- Yeah.
- You're going with me?
259
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:20,717
- You bet.
- Oh, great. You're right, guys,
260
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,635
I was kind of in a panic there
for a few minutes,
261
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:23,803
but I'm ready to atone now
262
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,722
and start behaving like a rational
and good parent.
263
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:27,974
Oops.
264
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,350
I guess we're gonna
need you.
265
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,277
Carla, how's your petition coming?
266
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,321
Well, it was a little slow at first,
267
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,324
but since I started forging people's
signatures,
268
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,867
it's gone a lot faster.
269
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,745
That's nice.
You know, I never did sign that.
270
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,246
Oh, yeah, you did.
271
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,331
Really?
272
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:55,084
Yeah, I worked you in right here
between Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson.
273
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:58,087
Ooh, forge me again.
274
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:02,675
How's it going, Larry?
275
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:04,719
Have you ever been roasted
276
00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:06,304
by seven people you don't know?
277
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:09,265
All those funny, insulting toasts.
278
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:12,560
I came out to prepare my
hilarious rebuttal.
279
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,687
So far, all I can
think of is,
280
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,315
"Shut up. You're hurting my feelings."
281
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,863
I got a Grange reunion coming up.
282
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:24,739
Can I steal that?
283
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,242
Maybe I ought to
just moon them all
284
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,410
and be done with it.
285
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:30,995
No, I'd better not.
286
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:34,791
Twenty five years of sitting
behind a desk for that company,
287
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:38,586
I have a pretty sorry excuse for a butt.
288
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:44,467
Well, if you need anything else, just holler.
289
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,678
What a loser.
290
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,140
He's not kidding about that butt, either.
291
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,770
I feel sorry for that guy.
292
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:58,523
It's probably one of the last parties
he'll ever have.
293
00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:00,358
He doesn't look like
he's having a very good time.
294
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,485
Maybe we should liven it up.
295
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:03,820
I'm great at parties.
296
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,405
Back in Hanover,
297
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,491
I invented the game "Hide Bob's Pants."
298
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,203
Boy, everyone loved that game.
299
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:13,663
Well, except for Bob.
300
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:19,961
Hello, everyone.
301
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,257
Hi, Frasier. You through with the bris?
302
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,758
Yes, yes, yes.
303
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:29,178
My son is happy, healthy,
and nowhere in the vicinity of this bar.
304
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,263
Ouch!
305
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,433
Say, just out of curiosity,
306
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,602
does anybody in the bar happen to be lactating
and in need of some quick cash?
307
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,897
If so, just meet me in the office.
308
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:44,193
Ouch! Damn it, Frederick, give it up.
It's just not going to happen.
309
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:49,031
You know what?
310
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:51,951
I think he's got the baby under that coat.
311
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,623
How did you know that, Woody?
312
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:01,294
It's the same basic premise as "Hide Bob's Pants."
313
00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:10,303
Oh, my God. It's Mr. Sheridan.
314
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,638
What is he doing here?
315
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,140
Who's he, another deadhead?
316
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,017
No. He's executive vice president
317
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:19,061
In charge of East Coast
marketing, research, and sales.
318
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,105
He's the what?
319
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:23,274
He's the head deadhead.
320
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,612
Mr. Sheridan, what a surprise.
321
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:29,405
Miss Howe,
you're looking very well.
322
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,407
Thank you. And to what do I owe this honor?
323
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:33,409
Well, I'm here for Larry's party.
324
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:34,785
You know Larry?
325
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:38,539
Oh, yes, he's a dear old friend
and my wife's younger brother.
326
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,208
Is your wife coming?
327
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:42,543
No. I'm afraid
she's passed away.
328
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,420
Oh, then you're stag?
329
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:51,135
I didn't expect to see you
at this party, sir.
330
00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:53,888
I remember what wonderful
shindigs you throw.
331
00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:57,183
As a matter of fact, I recommended you
for Larry's farewell.
332
00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,770
I can't wait to see what fun
and excitement you've planned.
333
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,606
You know, actually the real surprises
haven't come yet.
334
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,525
Oh, good, then I haven't missed anything.
335
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,068
That's safe to say.
336
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,363
Now, those pants I could hide.
337
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,201
Now I have to plan something
exciting for these people!
338
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,953
Frasier?
339
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,371
Frasier?
340
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,540
Where's my husband?
Where's my baby?
341
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:21,916
Where's my beer?
342
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:24,669
They're in the office.
343
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:28,047
Dr. Levinson, friends,
please, just have a seat.
344
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,591
I'll just be a minute
while I reason with him.
345
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,720
Wife to husband. Scientist to scientist.
346
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,766
Frasier, have you gone
completely meshugana?!
347
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,852
Sam, this is terrible.
348
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,271
What?
349
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:46,983
Mr. Sheridan, the vice president, is here,
and he expects a terrific party.
350
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:49,819
Now, I've got to think of something,
think of something fantastic.
351
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:50,820
What do you think?
352
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:53,030
It's your party. You think of something.
353
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:54,657
Yeah, right. What do you want me to do,
354
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:58,286
go back there, strip naked,
and gyrate to "Funky Cold Medina"?
355
00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:02,123
We could help you rehearse.
356
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,084
I got to think of something classy.
357
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:09,005
I'll tell you what the Sox did
at our reunion we had once.
358
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,923
- Didn't hurt a bit.
- What was that?
359
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,258
Wet t-shirt contest.
360
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,135
Excuse me?
361
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:17,430
It wasn't a contest, it was fixed,
but it was still a hell of a lot of fun.
362
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,432
You don't just rustle up
a wet t-shirt contest
363
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,100
at the drop of a hat.
364
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,811
Sure you do. It's just like
ordering a pizza.
365
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:26,314
As a matter of fact, I think I have the
800 number here.
366
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:27,815
Here you go.
367
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:32,278
"Fulfilling your wet t-shirt needs
since 1988."
368
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:36,991
No, Sam, I'm not gonna let you call
and arrange a wet t-shirt contest.
369
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:38,409
It exploits women.
370
00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:39,994
You got a better idea?
371
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:41,203
I'll call.
372
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,081
What about exploiting women?
373
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,500
When a man does it, it's exploitation.
374
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,419
When a woman does it, it's good business.
375
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:52,089
Hi! is this "Jiggly Party Queens"?
376
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:03,225
Frasier, you've been in there quite a while.
How's it going?
377
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,102
It shouldn't be much longer.
378
00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:06,562
It's almost my turn to talk.
379
00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:11,734
So how do you think the party going?
380
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:12,818
Terrific.
381
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:15,780
You know, if those kittens with cropped tops
and seltzer bottles
382
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:19,200
can't liven things up,
then darn it, men just aren't as depraved
383
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:20,868
as I thought they were.
384
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,829
How's it going?
Are the girls cheering him up?
385
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:27,375
Well, no. Actually,
the girls are depressed now, too.
386
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,961
Boy, I'll tell you,
nothing brings down a party faster
387
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:33,881
than a wet girl telling sad stories.
388
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:37,134
Great. My career is over.
389
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:39,887
I wanted to put my around
her and comfort her, but...
390
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:42,848
she told me it would cost me $10.
391
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,476
It made me ashamed to be a man.
392
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:49,146
Anybody here got change for a 50?
393
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:52,024
All right, let's get this bris show
on the road. Chop, chop.
394
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:54,235
Sorry. Wrong choice of words.
395
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:58,614
Rebecca, would you object
if we used your poolroom?
396
00:19:58,614 --> 00:19:59,824
Why not?
397
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,410
The party's dead. My career is dead.
398
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,287
I'm thinking of letting Woody hide my pants.
399
00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,373
Thank you.
400
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:12,378
You can, uh, you can actually
do a bris in a bar?
401
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:15,339
Oh, yes. I've performed the ceremony
in many places.
402
00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:19,552
Granted, a bar's a little irregular,
but I must say, it's a lot cheerier
403
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,928
than the Bernsteins' rec room.
404
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:24,223
May I ask what changed your mind?
405
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,726
Well, Frasier and I had a long talk
406
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,603
and we both agreed that Frederick
would have the same experience
407
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,939
even if the circumcision took place
in the hospital,
408
00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:35,526
the only difference being we wouldn't have
to go through the trauma of seeing it.
409
00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:37,528
Now we realize that's selfish.
410
00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:41,824
It'll be easier on Frederick
if we're here to comfort and support him.
411
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,535
Therefore, we've decided
to go through with the ceremony.
412
00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:46,328
Don't touch my baby!
413
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,415
Got that out of my system.
Now we can proceed.
414
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,465
Great. I did it!
415
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,925
Eddie is gonna be honored after all.
416
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:03,345
Terrific. The Bruins are retiring his number?
417
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:08,392
No. The Bruins convinced me that Eddie wasn't
really a good enough player for that honor.
418
00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:11,061
But they offered me season tickets
419
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,063
if I leave them alone,
420
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:15,816
which was pretty much what
I was after in the first place.
421
00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:17,860
Wait till I tell the kids.
422
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:20,070
Maybe now they'll respect him.
423
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:25,785
Miss Howe, may I see you, please?
424
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:27,244
Yes.
425
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:29,830
Miss Howe,
426
00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:33,667
that was the strangest get-together
I've ever attended.
427
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:37,630
I am so sorry, sir.
428
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,340
Ordinarily, I'd be very upset,
429
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:42,343
but it all seems to have worked out
fairly well.
430
00:21:43,093 --> 00:21:44,970
- It did?
- Yes.
431
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:48,390
My brother-in-law Larry
is finally going to leave my house.
432
00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:51,185
I'm going to have a hot pink wedding.
433
00:21:51,185 --> 00:21:54,980
Boy, it'll be good not having
that sorry butt around the house anymore.
434
00:21:57,149 --> 00:22:00,569
Norm, I'm glad we went to the ceremony.
435
00:22:00,569 --> 00:22:03,197
Me, too, Cliff ie.
I'm kind of proud of myself.
436
00:22:03,197 --> 00:22:06,450
I figure if I could eat through that,
I could eat through anything.
437
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:11,121
It's okay, baby.
438
00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:13,082
Everything will be fine.
439
00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:15,000
It's okay, baby.
440
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:16,794
Everything will be fine.
441
00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:20,548
Say, you know, what do you say
next time we have a girl?