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00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:04,338
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
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00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:08,467
Carla? Beer, please.
3
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:10,177
Friends, circle the day in red.
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00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,846
Today, Lilith and I are off on
our first outing sans baby.
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All right. Congratulations, Frasier.
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And well deserved, too.
I feel like a free man.
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You have no idea how an infant
can dominate your life.
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Fortunately, Lilith and I have seen to it
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that we can get away
and enjoy ourselves independently.
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Where you going?
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00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,986
First, we're off to the crib store
to buy a new liner,
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and then it's a Lamaze reunion.
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Wait, wait, wait.
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So who's taking care
of the little papoose?
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Oh, we've lucked into
the most fabulous au pair.
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You know, one of those
foreign-exchange students who,
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in return for room and board,
take care of the child?
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Ours happens to be large,
blond, and from Sweden.
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Now, Lilith doesn't object to having
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a spicy little Swedish meatball
around the house?
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She's been so busy being a mommy,
I don't think she's even noticed.
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Come on, Frasier.
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We don't want to cut
into Torsten's exercise time.
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Good morning.
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Sam, you're seven minutes late.
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Oh, boy, I wish I was more like you.
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But I just can't seem
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to find the time to sit around,
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watching the minutes tick by
while I get older,
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realizing that
I've wasted my life.
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I meant roughly seven.
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So what's your excuse?
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Well, I had a date last night
I was seven minutes late for
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and I just could never catch up.
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And I suppose you didn't have
time to shave this morning?
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Oh, sorry. I forgot.
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Sure, you forgot.
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It wouldn't happen that you
think that looks sexy, would it?
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No. Really, I just forgot.
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It looks sexy, huh?
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Sammy, say, you shouldn't
be so surprised.
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You know, women really can't
resist a thick crop of jaw hair.
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It goes back to, uh...
it goes back to Androcles.
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Wait a second.
Wasn't Androcles the guy who pulled
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the thorn out of the lion's paw?
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That's what he told his wife when she found
the scratches on his back, huh?
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I'm telling you, guys.
Babes and beards.
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00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:02,808
Yeah?
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00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,811
If beards are such a babe magnet,
why don't you have one?
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00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:09,106
Well, as a matter of fact,
Carla, in my family's history,
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I'm the first Clavin
to go without a beard.
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You're the first Clavin
to go without a tail.
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You know, Carla, you know,
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one day without giving
the old Norelco a face ride,
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this chin would outshine Sammy's.
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Oh, what are we talking about here,
a beard-growing contest?
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You got it.
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What do you say, Sammy?
20 bucks?
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What the heck.
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I haven't had a beard for a while,
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and it's all in good fun.
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It really looks sexy, huh?
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Oh, yeah.
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Yasir 'Arafat
always gets me hot.
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Okay. I'll be the judge.
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You have one month, starting today.
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Your beards will be rated on length,
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body, fullness, luster,
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sheen, and bounce.
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"Bounce"? How you going to judge bounce?
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You'll see.
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What do you say there, Norm?
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You want to put your peach fuzz
on the starting line?
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00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,618
Like I've got nothing better to do
than sit around a bar
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all day and watch my hair grow.
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Yeah, I'm in. Yeah.
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Can you believe
this pathetic display?
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It pleases me that
you're secure enough in your masculinity
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00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:18,049
to forego these never-ending
rites of passage.
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No, no, I mean that
this convention of babies' bottoms
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00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:21,887
think they can grow
better beards than me.
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All right, you bald-faced debutantes, I'm in.
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00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:31,938
Hey, guys. I thought you were
out on a date.
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We are, Sam.
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00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,984
I'm topping off the evening by
bringing Kelly here to Cheers.
86
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:38,236
Why do that?
You spend all your time here.
87
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Well, I know, but tonight
I'm here as a customer,
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and that means I get
to order you around.
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00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:46,161
Two ginger ales, big guy,
and don't try to slip us any of that house stuff.
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Look at him run.
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Wow, Woody!
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00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,543
When you were talking about this
in the car,
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I never thought you'd go through with it.
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00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,672
Wow, this customer stuff
is going to be great.
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00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,966
You know, usually I'm so busy working,
I miss out
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00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,302
on all the witty conversation
that goes on around here.
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00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,430
Norm, you seem to have
a little cheese-doodle dust
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00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,098
on the corner
of your mouth there.
99
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,642
No, I didn't have
any cheese doodles.
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Last night you did.
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I did?
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Yeah. Wow.
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00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,567
Boy, that stuff really keeps, doesn't it?
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00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,532
I hate to tear myself away, Woody,
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but I better get
my dad's car home.
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All right. I'll let you know if they find
any more food on Mr. Peterson's face.
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Cheers.
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Yeah, hold on a second.
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Woody, Lee Bradken.
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Aren't you
forgetting something, Sam?
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I'm the customer,
you bring the phone to me.
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In that case, I'm going to
charge you $2.00 for that ginger ale.
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Coming!
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Hello?
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I did?
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Oh, thank you, Mr. Bradken!
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Oh, thanks a lot!
I won't let you down!
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Thank you very much!
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Hey, everybody, that was the director
of my community theater!
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I finally got a lead
in one of our plays!
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First, I get a bike
when I'm ten, and now this?
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Boy, I...
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Woody, what part are you
going to play?
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Oh, I'm playing George Gibbs
from Our Town,
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kind of a naive, small-town guy
who's a little shy
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and sort of backward.
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Can you believe
they chose me?
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Oh, this is really exciting.
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00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:32,601
The girl who's playing Emily
is a terrific actress.
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I mean, actually, she's got
kind of an advantage
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because her real name is Emily.
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She don't even have to learn
to answer to a different name.
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Oh. I guess you'll be
doing all the real work, then, huh?
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All I can say is it's about time.
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You have lugged coffee
around and sold tickets
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in that theater long enough.
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Just paying my dues,
Miss Howe.
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Boy, this is a big night for me.
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Who wants to help me
paint the town?
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- All right!
- Yeah!
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- Hey, where we going, Wood?
- To the theater.
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I'm in charge of the scenery
and I got to paint the town.
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So do you think my beard
makes me look older?
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No.
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Really?
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Yeah. It's your hairline
that makes you look older.
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Well, Rebecca, the contest
is almost over.
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You only got
about 24 more hours
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to keep stealing those subtle little
glances at me.
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What are you talking about?
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Oh, come on.
I've seen you looking at me
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over your shoulder like...
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A little ashamed, but not being able
to stop yourself.
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Yeah, right. You look like
you live in the woods and chop trees.
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In this fantasy of yours,
is my shirt on or off?
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Oh, please!
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Are there little droplets of sweat running down
my well-formed body like rivers?
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Don't make me laugh.
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I saw that.
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00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,903
Sam? Sam, get this.
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00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,906
Who do you think I look like with
my beard this way?
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00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:11,574
Oh. Well, that's easy.
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You look like that little guy
on the cans of deviled ham.
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No, no.
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00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:20,750
Sigmund Freud,
the father of modern psychoanalysis
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00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,836
and one of the greatest minds
of the 20th century.
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He gave all that up
to sell deviled ham?
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The man had to live.
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00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,972
You know, lately,
when I'm in my office taking notes
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00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:36,307
about some patient who's
pouring his guts out,
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I imagine I'm Dr. Freud
and I'm back in Vienna,
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00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,563
hobnobbing with
the great minds of the era,
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00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,606
exchanging quips with Jung,
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00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:46,317
developing the original theories
of psychoanalysis.
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Before I know it, the hour's up.
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I've discovered I haven't even listened
to a single thing the patient's been saying.
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It makes a nice change.
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Evening, everybody.
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00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,584
- Norm!
- Norm!
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00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,002
What can I get you, Norm?
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00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,420
Got any flea powder?
182
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,591
No. Just kidding.
Actually, give me a beer.
183
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,176
I think I'll drown the little suckers.
184
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:16,765
That beard's looking good, man.
185
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:17,974
It's filling in nice.
186
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,643
Yeah, I got to hand it to you guys.
You are good.
187
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,729
Not in the ballpark
of Nick Tortelli, though.
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00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:23,772
Yeah?
189
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,315
Now, that was a hairy man.
190
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,068
Yeah, you know,
the first time I saw him naked,
191
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,028
I couldn't even tell he was naked.
192
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:36,576
But then who would've expected it
at a Bob's Big Boy?
193
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,084
Oh! Hide, everybody!
194
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,668
Hide! Hide!
195
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,253
It's the wolf man!
196
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,930
Oh, no! No!
197
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,390
Sorry. Relax. It's just Cliff.
198
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,478
Very funny, Norm. Very funny.
199
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:05,396
Don't give up
your day job, huh?
200
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,607
Oh, that's right,
you don't have a day job.
201
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:10,902
All right. Come on, Cliff, admit it.
202
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:13,071
The beard looks a little pathetic, huh?
203
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,198
Apology accepted, Norm.
204
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:20,203
You guys, tomorrow is Woody's opening night
and he's really excited.
205
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,539
So why don't we chip in...
206
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:23,748
Wolf man!
207
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:28,002
I love that gag!
208
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:41,391
Emily, I'm going to
do my best.
209
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:43,309
I love you, Emily.
210
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:45,937
I need you.
211
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,439
Well,
if you love me...
212
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:49,983
Wait. Wait. Stop.
213
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,777
Woody, honey,
tomorrow is opening night.
214
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,904
I'm not getting love from you.
215
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,824
Well, I really do
respect your work, sir.
216
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,744
Not for me, for Emily.
217
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,830
When you say "I love you,"
I don't believe
218
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,874
you're really talking to this girl.
219
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,250
Again, please.
220
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:11,337
I love you, Emily.
221
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:12,463
No, no, no.
222
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:15,300
Ron, honey, you want
to help Woody run lines for a minute?
223
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:16,676
Do I have to?
224
00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,387
What kind of a theater
is this, Ron?
225
00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:20,889
Community theater.
226
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:23,099
Come on, Woody.
227
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,187
Emily, honey,
we got a little problem here.
228
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,146
Is it me?
229
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:31,149
Because I really felt connected
in that last run-through.
230
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,985
Honey, you're the best actress
we have.
231
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:36,696
No, it's Woody.
232
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,199
I think I may have
to replace him in the part.
233
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,075
Every time he has to touch you
or play anything
234
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,786
resembling a love scene,
he just freezes up.
235
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,663
Maybe I can get him
to loosen him up.
236
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,415
Oh, give it a try.
237
00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:48,875
I suppose if you
could get him past
238
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,085
that one little block,
then we could be free
239
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,046
to work on all his other blocks.
240
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:55,840
I'll try, Mr. Bradken.
241
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,676
Woody, honey,
you want to come back center stage?
242
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,513
Emily's going to work
with you a little longer.
243
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:05,516
Come on, Ron.
I need a lift to my sister's up at the cape.
244
00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:06,768
Do I have to?
245
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,144
Ron...
246
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:09,687
Community theater.
247
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,276
I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I'm centered.
248
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,570
I'm breathing
from my diaphragm.
249
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,030
I found my focal point.
250
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:20,490
I'm not chewing gum.
251
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,701
Why don't we try
improvising a little?
252
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,578
We'll get on our ladders
and we'll just say
253
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,497
Whatever we think
our characters are thinking.
254
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:29,624
And remember,
George and Emily
255
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:32,043
aren't two innocent kids
playing around with love.
256
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:35,380
They're consumed by
the fire of their passion.
257
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:37,090
Don't you think?
258
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,177
Okay, I'll start.
259
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,016
It's a beautiful moon, isn't it, Woody.
260
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,476
I mean George?
261
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:51,771
It sure is, Emily. I mean Emily.
262
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:59,320
I hate to waste a romantic night
like this when we could be...
263
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,949
exploring our feelings for each other.
264
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:06,244
What are you doing improvising
on my ladder?
265
00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:09,414
Come on, Woody, don't be shy.
I'm not.
266
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,249
There's just that
perfectly good ladder over there
267
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,167
that nobody's improvising on.
268
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:16,671
Woody, I think we need
to feel the same passion and fire
269
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,506
that George and Emily felt...
270
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,590
Now.
271
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,801
What are you doing?
272
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,928
Improvising the farewell scene.
273
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,596
There is no farewell scene.
274
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:26,597
There is now.
275
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,937
So there I am,
hanging from a rope,
276
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:36,399
and she said she wants
to experience love with me.
277
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:37,275
Woody.
278
00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:39,068
On a rope?
279
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,573
Oh, boy, she must be strong, huh?
280
00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:48,870
She was coming on
to me really strong.
281
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:51,289
She said she wanted
to get close to me.
282
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,583
She kept talking
about flames and passion.
283
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:56,044
I mean, this girl wants me,
and I don't even know her.
284
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,503
Does that ever
happen to you, Sam?
285
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,213
Well, not this afternoon.
286
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:04,761
Uh-oh. She just got in under the wire.
287
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,806
What if Kelly finds out?
She won't understand.
288
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:12,185
She's already upset because
I haven't been spending a lot of time with her.
289
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,353
Oh, she's got to understand.
290
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,355
You're in a play.
You have rehearsals.
291
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,357
I haven't exactly told
Kelly I'm in a play.
292
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:18,441
Why not?
293
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:22,070
Well, Kelly's kind of
an old-fashioned girl.
294
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:26,115
This play has a lot of stuff like kissing
and homework and dying.
295
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,909
Believe me, our town
isn't the kind of play
296
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:29,911
you want to take a nice girl to.
297
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:35,291
Woody, Woody, you got
to tell Kelly you're rehearsing a play.
298
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,585
I'm afraid Sammy's right.
299
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:40,004
You can't go sneaking out at nights
on somebody you love.
300
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:41,923
Woody, you have to believe
that truth and...
301
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:43,674
- Norm, it's Vera.
- I'm not here.
302
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,302
...honesty are the cornerstones
of any relationship.
303
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,430
You're right, Mr. P.
304
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,057
Kelly's coming by later this afternoon.
305
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,683
I'm going to tell her the truth.
306
00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:53,851
Good man, Wood.
307
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:56,813
After all, being a proud member
of the theater world is nothing to be ashamed of.
308
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,106
How would you know?
309
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:01,025
Well, back in my university days,
I once trod the boards.
310
00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:03,528
Most memorably as Man Number Two
311
00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,113
in our production of Can Can.
312
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,242
- I didn't know that, Dr. Crane.
- Oh, yes.
313
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,536
Theater was the only time
I seriously considered giving up psychology
314
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:12,829
for the arts,
315
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,373
but I couldn't disappoint my father.
316
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,208
No, sir, not him.
317
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,502
I remember opening night.
318
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:21,921
I stared breathlessly out from behind
the curtain to see
319
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,215
if he'd taken the seat
I'd left for him.
320
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:27,301
But he was too busy
with his experiments to show up.
321
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,555
Always involved with
those damned experiments.
322
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,056
Your dad was a scientist, huh?
323
00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:33,641
No. He was a white rat.
324
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,105
Of course he was a scientist, you nit!
325
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,112
You see, my father wanted me
to go into psychology...
326
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,738
He insisted on it.
327
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,449
At the time, I hated him for it.
328
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:52,702
Then he died before
I had a chance to realize
329
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,580
that he was right,
and I never got to tell him.
330
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,124
It's funny, isn't it?
331
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:01,127
That's a good one, all right, Dr. Crane!
332
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:08,301
Woody...
333
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:13,806
I meant "funny" in a sad, ironic way.
334
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,100
I know! Those kill me!
335
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,442
All right, losers.
336
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,694
Let's count the hair
on our chinny-chin-chins.
337
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,405
Come off it, Clavin.
338
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:32,992
If you expect us to believe
you grew that phony beard overnight,
339
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,827
you're as stupid as you look.
340
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,704
No chance of that, Carla.
341
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:42,251
No, this righteous facial moss is pure Clavin.
342
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:43,419
Yeah, baloney!
343
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:46,672
This thing is really on there.
344
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:50,176
Hey, all right. Knock it off!
345
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,178
Come on, guys, I told you.
346
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:55,223
I told you Clavin hair grows in spurts.
It runs in the family.
347
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,557
As a matter of fact, Grandpa Clavin...
348
00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:58,809
He used to let us
hang from his beard.
349
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:02,146
No, wait a second.
Grandpa Clavin died when I was six.
350
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:03,314
Who was that guy?
351
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:09,320
Okay. It's time to pick who has
the best beard.
352
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:10,613
Test number one.
353
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:13,658
If all the contestants will please line up,
my lovely assistant...
354
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,620
Will help me with the beer
absorption test.
355
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,455
Beer absorption test. Okay.
356
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:20,915
Thank you.
357
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:23,876
Hey, whoa.
358
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,381
Vanna.
359
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:34,178
Norm, no cheating!
360
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:40,726
Woody.
361
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:42,812
Hi, Emily.
What are you doing here?
362
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:45,648
Try the cheeks now, boys.
Really roll them around in there. Come on.
363
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,483
Come on, come on.
Soak up every drop.
364
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:50,111
This counts as one fifth of your score.
365
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,114
Are you okay?
366
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:54,198
Sure. Fine.
367
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:57,201
I just want to make sure I didn't
scare you last night.
368
00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:59,495
I wasn't coming on to you
or anything.
369
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:02,623
I was just trying to motivate you,
stir something inside of you.
370
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:05,084
I never wanted anything
to actually happen between us.
371
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,711
I've heard of that.
372
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:08,629
Yeah, it's called method acting.
373
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:11,465
Where I come from,
they call it a certain kind of teasing.
374
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,635
Where can we go to rehearse?
375
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,345
What about
the pool room?
376
00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:17,430
Okay.
377
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,056
Do you know we only have four hours
378
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:22,101
to make an audience believe that we
are a young couple growing up,
379
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,437
falling in love, getting married,
and dying?
380
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,939
They'd have to be
pretty stupid to buy that.
381
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,028
No, that didn't stick.
382
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:37,366
Just what are you trying to accomplish
with this test anyway?
383
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:39,619
Nothing.
I'm just trying to put out your eye.
384
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:46,417
I love you, Emily.
I need you.
385
00:18:50,004 --> 00:18:51,213
It should be
more like this.
386
00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:56,010
Woody!
387
00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,929
I can't believe it!
388
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,389
Oh, wait, Kelly.
It's not what it looks like.
389
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,558
Don't make excuses, Woody.
390
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,477
Now I see what's going on.
391
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:07,146
You're busy every night
and you won't tell me why.
392
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,816
I walk in here and find the two
of you kissing in the back room of a bar.
393
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,443
It all adds up...
394
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:16,280
You're in a play
and you didn't even tell me!
395
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,661
Wait! Maybe I was
just cheating on you!
396
00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:24,997
4,061...
397
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,167
4,062...
398
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,710
Wait. This is a misunderstanding.
399
00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:31,087
Yeah, listen to him.
400
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:32,380
You stay out of this.
401
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,382
Oh! Woody's babes coming to blows.
402
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,967
- Catfight!
- Catfight!
403
00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:40,513
You get out of my way right now,
or so help me
404
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,056
I'll hurt your feelings.
405
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,393
You do, and I'll
hurt yours right back.
406
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:46,811
Kitten fight.
407
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,229
- Kitten fight.
- Kitten fight.
408
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,191
Look, I'm really sorry.
409
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,944
When I get miffed,
the adrenaline just goes crazy.
410
00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,863
Kelly, I didn't tell
you about the play
411
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:02,243
because I thought you might be uncomfortable
seeing me kiss and hug another woman.
412
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:05,246
Come on, Woody.
I've seen plays before.
413
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:08,290
I can't believe you didn't trust me
enough to understand.
414
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:11,585
I didn't want to take the chance
of something coming in-between us.
415
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:15,005
You're my girlfriend.
I love you, Kelly.
416
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,216
Why can't you say it
to me like that?
417
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,552
Well, I don't love you.
I love Kelly.
418
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,138
Can't you pretend I'm Kelly?
419
00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:24,181
Would that be okay, Kelly?
420
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:28,352
Well, all right.
but just for the play.
421
00:20:31,522 --> 00:20:32,982
I'm sorry.
422
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,609
I just can't look you in the eyes
when I say that.
423
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:38,612
Well, why don't you try
starting on something else?
424
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:40,740
Just say it to the air.
425
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,784
I love you, air.
426
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,163
Great! All right. Now say it to this guy.
427
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:49,498
I love you, Tecumseh.
428
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,210
Hey, I'm starting
to get the hang of this.
429
00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:54,837
I love you, Miss Howe.
430
00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,505
Thank you, Woody.
431
00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,132
I love you, Mr. Clavin.
432
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:02,678
Well, Woody,
it takes quite a man to admit that.
433
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:04,889
I was just acting.
434
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:07,266
Oh, yeah. So was I.
435
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,690
I'm starting to get this.
436
00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:16,233
Now say it to me.
437
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:18,319
I love you, Emily.
438
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:20,946
Oh, Woody.
439
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:22,823
Mr. Bradken said that if
you didn't get over this,
440
00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:24,742
he's going to replace you
in the part.
441
00:21:24,742 --> 00:21:25,785
I love you, Emily.
442
00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:32,458
So that's the secret to acting, fear!
443
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,503
So what other bad things did he
say about me?
444
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,298
Hear ye, hear ye.
445
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,133
Here are the results
you've all been waiting for.
446
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:42,343
And the winner is...
447
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,013
Cliff Clavin.
448
00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:47,848
Oh, man.
449
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:49,391
Hey, surprise.
450
00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:50,810
Well, we know
it's not fixed.
451
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:51,727
But you should be.
452
00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:57,483
Well, don't look at me, you guys.
453
00:21:57,650 --> 00:21:58,984
He passed all the tests.
454
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:01,111
Yep, I'm going to go call my barber...
455
00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:04,573
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
tell him I won the contest
456
00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:07,576
in spite of that inch
he trimmed off my beard.
457
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:09,537
Well, I suppose
it's time we shave.
458
00:22:09,537 --> 00:22:10,579
Yep.
459
00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:12,540
To tell you the truth, I'm going
to kind of miss the old beard.
460
00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:13,749
Yeah.
461
00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:16,252
I rather enjoyed
looking like a macho,
462
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:20,589
grizzly, gnarly kind of guy that my wife
wouldn't come near with a 10-foot pole.
463
00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:24,176
Yeah, I'd like to talk to somebody
464
00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:26,428
about one of your industrial
adhesive products.
465
00:22:29,807 --> 00:22:32,434
So what do you think?
Should I keep it or lose it?
466
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:34,603
I know how sexy you think it is.
467
00:22:34,603 --> 00:22:36,272
Well, Sam, to tell you the truth,
468
00:22:36,438 --> 00:22:39,275
I think the sexiest part about a beard
is when a man shaves it.
469
00:22:39,275 --> 00:22:40,860
- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
470
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:43,612
I've always had this little fantasy
about sitting in a guy's lap
471
00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:47,324
and lathering him up real good,
472
00:22:47,324 --> 00:22:51,078
and then taking it off,
taking it all off.
473
00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:54,748
What's the point of having a
fantasy unless you make it real?
474
00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:56,834
I agree.
I'm going to do it.
475
00:22:57,001 --> 00:22:58,168
Oh, yeah?
476
00:22:58,168 --> 00:23:00,421
Norm, can you come
in my office, please?
477
00:23:06,260 --> 00:23:08,596
I see. I see.
478
00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:10,514
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
479
00:23:10,681 --> 00:23:15,895
Yeah, well, just for the sake of argument,
suppose it did come in contact with human skin.
480
00:23:18,355 --> 00:23:21,066
Now, can they do that
on an out-patient basis?