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Cheers <i>is filmed
before a live studio audience.</i>

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I'm telling you guys,

3
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Davy Crockett was
the greatest American hero.

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No question.

5
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Come on! Man, he deserted
his wife and kids,

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had one of the worst absentee records
in the history of Congress.

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Who's your hero?

8
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bambino. Babe Ruth.

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Sultan of Swat.
Built Yankee Stadium.

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Come on, stop, will ya?
From what I hear,

11
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the guy was a glutton,
a regular eating-and-drinking machine.

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Oh, who am I supposed to pattern
my life after, Gandhi?

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All right, you want to talk
American heroes?

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I'll give you <i>Numero uno,</i> the only guy
who should be on the list,

15
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- Mr. J. Edgar Hoover.
- What?

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J. Edgar Hoover was a paranoid,
right-wing, megalomaniac

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who used his position to intimidate
presidents and congressmen

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and smear anybody
who disagreed with him.

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Can't poke any holes
in that guy, can you?

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Let's face it, everybody.

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In America in the 1990s,
there are no heroes anymore.

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Hey, guys, I'd like you
to meet my date.

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<i>Sammy! Sammy! Sammy!</i>

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Oh, boy.

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Hey, everybody, guess what.

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I was reading <i>The Farmer's Almanac.</i>

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Guess what.
This is an historical day.

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This is the second coldest day

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- in the history of Boston.
- Yeah.

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And don't you want to know

31
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when the coldest day
in the history of Boston...

32
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Woods, things are
pretty boring around here,

33
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but I don't think we've quite
sunk that low yet, okay?

34
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Guess what, you guys.
Robin Colcord bought me a new desk.

35
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So when was the coldest day
in the history of Boston, Wood?

36
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Interestingly enough,

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the coldest day in Boston's history
did not start out that way.

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Yeah, it started out relatively warm,
but then, by noon,

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- the temperature began to drop.
- So, you got a new desk, huh?

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Hey, Normie, you want to see

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where the Flannigans' dog
almost bit me?

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Well, congratulations, Cliff.

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You have just won
the Boston Bore-athon.

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Mr. Clavin, how can you
be delivering mail

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on the coldest day
in Boston's history except for one?

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A very good question there,
young Woodman.

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It seems that like any member
of your camel family,

48
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we Clavins have an extra...

49
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No, wait. That's how I can go
without water for a week.

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Whew! Boy, is it cold out there!

51
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Don't even try, Sam.
These people don't care.

52
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Hey, it's the kind of day
you want to curl up

53
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in front of a roaring fire
with a good book.

54
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Unfortunately, the one
I've been working on

55
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is around here someplace.
Oh, here we go.

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Let's see, where was I? Tina! Tina.

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Tina, two stars.

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Two stars? That's not
very good, is it, Sammy?

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You kidding? It was great.
That's what she was wearing, two stars.

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Sammy, excuse me, do you know
how to spell "courteous"?

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Yeah, Norm. Just as it sounds.
Then check it with Frasier.

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I've got to write this letter
of recommendation for Doris.

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Remember my secretary Doris?

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- Oh, yeah. What, did she quit?
- I have to let her go.

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Business hasn't been going too good
since I decided to stop working.

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Anyway, she's on her way over here.
I got to finish this puppy.

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Well, what do you got so far there?

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I got... all right.
"To whom it may concern, Doris..."

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And then there's
this big middle chunk

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that I'm still working on.

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Then I close with, "and I hope
the Red Sox win the pennant.

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Norm Peterson."

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That's how I end
all my correspondences.

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00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,711
Actually, Norm, you have to use
upbeat adjectives like...

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..."hardworking", "loyal", "professional".

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Good, good.

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How about "prompt"?

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Oh, "prompt." Cliff ie, all right.

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If I might make a suggestion, too,
why don't you write it on stationery

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instead of a cocktail napkin?

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Boy, you know,
I bet it was murder for Robin

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to get that desk delivered
on a cold day like this.

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Yeah, I bet there was only
one day in Boston's history

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when it would've been harder
to get something delivered.

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If you pretend like
you're interested in my desk,

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I'll pretend like I'm interested
in your weather.

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Deal, Miss Howe.

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You know, interestingly enough,

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the coldest day in Boston's history
did not start off that way.

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Like, the barometric pressure
in the morning...

91
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I'm sorry, Woody. Wait.

92
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I bit off more than I can chew.

93
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All right, guys.

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I think I got a good start on this.
I open up with all that courtesy crap,

95
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and then I go,
"I'm sorry to let Doris go.

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No reflection on her.
She's a fine worker

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and I'm sure she'll be
an asset to any company.

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May the Red Sox... yada-yada.
Norm Peterson."

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- That's good.
- Yeah.

100
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Oh, there she is.

101
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My God, he's going to fire
the Morton Salt Girl.

102
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Doris, hi. Here you go.

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Just have a seat.

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- Thank you, Mr. Peterson.
- Well, you're welcome.

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- This is a very nice place.
- Well...

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I would offer to buy you a drink,
but I don't have any money.

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Do you know
if they accept a Sears card?

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No. It's okay, Doris.
It's okay, really.

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Doris, I don't know
quite how to put this.

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You've really been
a great secretary,

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but I just can't afford
to keep you around any longer.

112
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Oh, God, I'm fired.
I wish I was dead.

113
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Doris, really, I'm very sorry.
It really hurts me to do this.

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00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:05,991
Oh, don't be sorry.

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The last thing I want to do
is make you feel guilty.

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Working for you has been
the high point of my life.

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Doris, all you ever did was sit
around my office and sharpen pencils.

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Please, Mr. Peterson,
you're going to make me cry.

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Anyway...

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I've written a letter
of recommendation for you.

121
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Go ahead and take that.

122
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You can type it and give it
to me for my signature.

123
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Oh, what the hell? Just go ahead
and forge my signature.

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- Mr. Peterson, I'm overwhelmed.
- Well...

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I don't know what to say.

126
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What's there to say?
I think I've said it all there.

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Oh, yes, you have.

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And I want you to know
I love you, too, Mr. Peterson.

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"Prompt", "courteous", "Red Sox."

130
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Doris, I...

131
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You're reading something into this,
I think, you know?

132
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It must've taken a lot of guts
to open up that way.

133
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Doris, I didn't say anything.

134
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I didn't mean to imply anything.

135
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Well, then, why would you lead me on?

136
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,974
I'm not leading you on, Doris.
You are a fine secretary.

137
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A good employee.
That's end of story, okay?

138
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- Oh, I see.
- Yeah.

139
00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,316
Well, this is so embarrassing.

140
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So very, very embarrassing.

141
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If you'll excuse me,
I'll just go quietly.

142
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Oh, no, Doris, please.
Now, you don't have to do that.

143
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,493
You don't want me to go?

144
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:35,121
No, I don't want you
to go quietly. I mean...

145
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Come on, think about it. This is a bar.

146
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You can make as much noise
as you like, okay?

147
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Hey! Ho! Come on! Hey!

148
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Hey there!

149
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I'll always remember
the way you looked

150
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:46,883
when you said that.

151
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,849
Norm, that was
a very hard thing to do

152
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and an even harder thing to watch.

153
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:07,737
Oh, it's gorgeous.

154
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:13,535
Isn't it gorgeous, everyone?

155
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,540
You know, I could have had
a desk like this once.

156
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:21,292
A beautiful antique,
real prestige piece.

157
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,420
Something to mirror
and dignify my status.

158
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,464
But I decided that that sort
of display was too ostentatious,

159
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,009
so I put the money
into pinstriping my beamer.

160
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,636
Looks pretty sporty, too.

161
00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:39,853
- Afternoon, everybody.
- Norm!

162
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,856
Hey, Mr. Peterson,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose?

163
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:46,192
Yeah. Now let's get Joe Beer
nipping at my liver, huh?

164
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:52,866
Anybody seen Doris around here?

165
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,869
Oh, yeah. Little gal
with the Moe Howard haircut?

166
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,203
Bingo. Yeah.

167
00:08:58,413 --> 00:08:59,873
Thought you got rid of her.

168
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,208
Sammy, I'm trying to.
I can't shake the girl.

169
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,877
I mean, I come in Cheers, she's here.

170
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,421
I go upstairs to plug
the parking meter, she's there.

171
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,339
I come back in Cheers, she's here.

172
00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:11,509
Sammy, it's like somehow
she's figured out my whole routine.

173
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:15,388
Oh, Mr. Peterson.
I knew I'd find you here

174
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,890
when you weren't
at the parking meter.

175
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,519
Could I warm up your seat for you?

176
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:23,313
It's okay, Doris. It's never cold.

177
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:26,357
I love that about him.

178
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,072
Doris...

179
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,824
We have to get something
straight here, okay?

180
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,117
Yes, Mr. Peterson?

181
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,746
I am not interested in you, okay?

182
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,415
I'm not interested
in any woman except for my wife,

183
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,292
and I'm not even interested in her.

184
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,212
She's a very lucky woman.

185
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:52,175
Doris, I really hate that it's come
to this, but scram, okay?

186
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:53,968
If my scramming
would make you happy...

187
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:56,304
Doris, get a life
for Christmas, will you?

188
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,599
If my getting a life
would make you happy...

189
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,935
Doris, yes, it would.
As a matter of fact, it would.

190
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:06,773
Before I go, Mr. Peterson, could I sing
"Seasons in the Sun" to you?

191
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:11,778
Go, Doris.

192
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,782
<i>We had joy, we had fun</i>

193
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,492
<i>We had seasons in the sun...</i>

194
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:20,370
No, I mean go, Doris!
Go on, get out of here.

195
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,413
Go! Go on.

196
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:26,668
- Could I please just have my beer?
- All right, but just guess.

197
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:29,295
What was the coldest day
in the history of Boston?

198
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,964
Am I gonna have
to talk to the manager?

199
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,048
She don't know.

200
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,301
Hey, Woody, come here.
You got to listen to this.

201
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,302
<i>All right, once again,</i>

202
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,972
<i>for our free trip to Hawaii,
be the first caller</i>

203
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,932
<i>with the correct answer,
and the question is,</i>

204
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:43,643
<i>what was the coldest day
in the history of Boston?</i>

205
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:47,480
Woody, go for it, man.
Here's your chance to win here.

206
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,024
No, I am not using my knowledge
for personal gain.

207
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:52,944
Then tell me. I'll call them.

208
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,113
No. You weren't interested before.

209
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,490
<i>And I have a caller on the line.
Who am I speaking to, please?</i>

210
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,783
Woody Boyd.

211
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:02,328
<i>Mr. Boyd, what was the coldest day
in Boston's history?</i>

212
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,497
You don't really care.
You're just like all the rest.

213
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,457
- Woody, tell him.
- All right.

214
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:10,003
The coldest day in Boston's history
is January 12, 1981.

215
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,297
<i>Mr. Boyd, you've won
our grand prize!</i>

216
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:13,673
- All right!
- The winds were westerly

217
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,758
- at 20 miles per hour.
<i>- You'll be staying...</i>

218
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,720
interestingly enough,
the coldest day in Boston's history

219
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:20,096
did not start out that way.

220
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:21,723
<i>...home of the world-famous
mahi-mahi burger.</i>

221
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,016
The barometric pressure was hovering...

222
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,517
<i>Hey, weatherman, shut up!</i>

223
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,605
- Not till I'm finished.
- Give me that.

224
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,982
He'll be right down
to pick up his prize.

225
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,193
What did I win, a T-shirt?

226
00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:36,362
Woody, you're going to Hawaii.

227
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:38,907
I'm going to Hawaii?

228
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:42,202
It's not cold there, suckers!

229
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,122
Guys, guys.

230
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:48,791
Robin just faxed me
this message about the desk.

231
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:54,923
"Dear Rebecca,

232
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,175
by now, you've received your desk.

233
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,927
You should know that
it has a hidden secret

234
00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,929
that's going to make you very happy.

235
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:01,971
But don't look for it,

236
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,474
because I want to be there
to share the surprise.

237
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,559
I will give you one hint.

238
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:10,563
The key word is...

239
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,315
... ring."

240
00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:17,737
It's a ring, Carla.

241
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,366
There is a ring
hidden in that desk.

242
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,451
Isn't that romantic?

243
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:29,582
My ex-husband hid my engagement ring
in an X-rated soap on a rope.

244
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:34,337
He scrubbed me raw
for two hours before I found it.

245
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:38,716
Now, that's magic time.

246
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:41,970
God, what am I supposed to do?

247
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:44,764
I can't look for my ring
for two weeks?

248
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:50,103
All right. If that's what Robin wants,
I will respect the man's wishes.

249
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,939
The important thing is
to stay out of his drawers,

250
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,358
which shouldn't be too hard for you.

251
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:00,280
Want another one, Norm?

252
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:03,241
No, thanks, Sammy.
I'm going home.

253
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,077
I'm not feeling too great, you know?

254
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:09,580
I just can't shake
the sight of Doris staring at me

255
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,457
and undressing me with her eyes.

256
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,251
Now I want to go home.

257
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:18,214
Anyway, see you
in the morning, I guess.

258
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:19,590
Yeah, I may be a little late.

259
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:22,302
That's okay. I had a key made.

260
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:50,997
She's following me!
Make it stop! Make it stop!

261
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,833
I'm sorry, Mr. Peterson.
If you don't want me to follow you,

262
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:54,834
I could walk in front of you,

263
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,878
but then you'd have to tell me
where you're going all the time.

264
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,713
Doris, how long
have you been out there?

265
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,466
I don't know. The crystal on my watch
cracked from the cold.

266
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,552
I would take it off,
but I think it's fused to my skin.

267
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:07,305
Doris, what am I
gonna do with you?

268
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,307
Do you want me to go back outside
and wait by the parking meter?

269
00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:11,225
No. Just sit down, will you?

270
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,269
Sammy, do you have
any hot chocolate or something like that?

271
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:18,858
Frasier, we have to talk. Come on.

272
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,693
- No, Norm, I'm sorry.
- What?

273
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,237
I have had it with giving out
this free psychological advice.

274
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:26,657
It's bad enough I do it as a living.

275
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:28,868
I mean, I have to come
to the bar and do it here, too?

276
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,746
I'm not about to analyze
this poor, pitiful creature

277
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,290
who obviously is suffering
from a very low self-image

278
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,209
and finds in you a validation
of her sense of self

279
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,378
in her own personality.
Damn it, I did it again!

280
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:41,464
Okay. So what you're saying is

281
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,674
that I basically appeal
to her desperate nature?

282
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,761
Clinically speaking,
she'd go for anything

283
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,638
that could lumber up to her
under its own power.

284
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,226
Okay, now, how do I get rid of her?

285
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,937
Well, try building up
her self-confidence.

286
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,355
If she feels better about herself,

287
00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,065
she'd be less inclined
to degrade herself

288
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,733
by going for the likes of you.

289
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,152
I mean no offense.

290
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:06,406
I mean, when I say, 'the likes of you,"
I don't mean you personally.

291
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,866
Just any unappealing,
go-nowhere loser.

292
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,997
So why should I take offense?

293
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:17,917
Good man.

294
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:21,754
Doris. I have no idea
why you're attracted

295
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,590
to such an unappealing,
go-nowhere loser as me.

296
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,927
Now, there are hundreds of...

297
00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:29,762
I tell you, there's thousands of guys

298
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,347
who'd be happy
to be involved with you.

299
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:34,308
- Thousands?
- Yes, dozens.

300
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:38,271
But the letter.

301
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,481
No, Doris, I didn't write
the damn letter, okay?

302
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,108
I mean, I wrote the part
about the Red Sox,

303
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,527
but the other guys,
they helped me with it.

304
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:47,071
Cliff wrote the word 'prompt,"
didn't you, Cliff ie?

305
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,072
Oh, yeah, you bet.

306
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:52,034
Wow. And you don't even know me.

307
00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:54,245
Although, maybe in a way, you do.

308
00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:00,585
Red light. Red light, Cliff.

309
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,670
- Oh, what's the matter?
- Frasier, come on, tell him.

310
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,213
- Come on!
- All right.

311
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,756
But after this, you're on the clock.

312
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:10,219
Cliff, you may think
that you're getting involved

313
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,971
in a nice conversation with this girl,

314
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,806
but believe me,
she will read volumes

315
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,308
into everything you say and do.

316
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,768
Cliff ie, it's like she's
a zombie love slave,

317
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:20,229
just willing to do anything
to serve her man.

318
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,940
- You understand what I'm saying?
- Oh, yeah. Crystal clear.

319
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,860
I got a live one.
I don't even have to buy her a drink.

320
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:28,738
Hey.

321
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:31,491
Carla, come here.

322
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,075
There's a handle loose
on one of the desk drawers.

323
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:35,244
- Do we have a screwdriver?
- You can't fool me.

324
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:38,122
You're just trying to take
that desk apart to look for your ring.

325
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:41,584
I am way above that.
I would not betray my man's trust.

326
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,964
You know, that handle is really loose.
Do we have a crowbar?

327
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,932
You know, a postal carrier
is pretty much

328
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:58,476
the Indiana Jones
of your civil servants.

329
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,648
Just as Indy faces off
a pit of rattlesnakes

330
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,233
or a sewer full of rats,

331
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:10,071
I have to, daily, mind you,
trade wits with the Flannigans' dog.

332
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,031
Oh, Cliff...

333
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,742
When you get out of the service,
could we go out together?

334
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,664
Well, you know, Doris,
there's actually no rule

335
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:23,417
against mailmen dating women.
It just sort of turns out that way.

336
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,714
How you doing there, Norm?

337
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:31,300
Kind of at loose ends,
a little bit, you know?

338
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,553
Just feels strange not having

339
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:37,306
that sad, pathetic creature
following me around all time.

340
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,392
Doris kind of grew on you, huh?

341
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:40,768
Oh, no. I meant Cliff.

342
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,563
Hi, guys.

343
00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:46,566
Woody, what are you
doing in that stuff?

344
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,484
Man, where's your coat?
You must be freezing.

345
00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:49,902
You're telling me.

346
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,863
Deejays made me dress up
in all this Hawaiian stuff

347
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:55,575
and take pictures
outside the radio station.

348
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,375
Then they locked me out
and kept all my clothes.

349
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,086
I hate those mean morning shows.

350
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,299
- Hey there.
- Yeah.

351
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:14,802
We found this in the truck.
Must've fallen off that big old desk.

352
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,221
Oh, well, yeah.
Thanks very much.

353
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,142
I wonder if...

354
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:25,271
...the ring is in there.

355
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,897
Let me tell you,
nothing more pathetic

356
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,774
than a billionaire on the make.

357
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,985
You know, when I got a babe
in my crosshairs,

358
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:34,280
I don't waste time
sending her jewelry and furniture.

359
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,740
The only time
you see me move a desk

360
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,200
is when I want more room
on the floor for her.

361
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:43,372
- What do you got?
- No ring in here. Just some paper.

362
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,542
"This certificate authenticates

363
00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:49,837
that this desk once belonged
to George Bernard Shaw.

364
00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,298
It has become known
as the Ring Desk

365
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,384
because of the dark ring
clearly visible on the desktop

366
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:56,761
where he set down his tea cup

367
00:18:56,927 --> 00:19:00,097
upon completing the fifth act
of <i>Man and Superman."</i>

368
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:04,602
I wonder if that's the one
where he fought the mole people.

369
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:14,862
So this tea cup thing is the ring
Colcord was talking about.

370
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,156
Yeah. Boy, that's
really romantic, isn't it?

371
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:20,701
A desk that used to belong
to some dork who writes comic books.

372
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:24,747
This Robin, man,
he's got a lot to learn about chicks.

373
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,378
"This desk has been appraised at $5..."

374
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:32,546
Whoa, look at all those zeroes.

375
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:33,839
Wow!

376
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:38,678
Maybe I should tell Rebecca, huh?

377
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,066
Maybe some other time.

378
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,280
I have to go powder my nose.

379
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,453
Boy, oh, boy,
am I dreaming, or what?

380
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,623
Somebody pinch me. Ho, gee.

381
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:09,667
Ow, will ya? Ah!

382
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,836
I'm awake, I'm awake, I'm awake.

383
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:13,754
Carla, Carla, Carla.

384
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,464
Stop hurting Cliff now.

385
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,134
All right. Cliff ie,
I'm not gonna let you

386
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,760
take advantage
of that poor girl, okay?

387
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:21,679
Oh, come on.
Stop being such a big baby.

388
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:24,181
You're just mad
cause she likes me and not you.

389
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:27,059
- Carla, hurt Cliff.
- Hey! No, no, no.

390
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,894
I'm having a good time,
that's all, Norm.

391
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,230
Come on, Cliff. She's a nice girl.
She's got a few problems,

392
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,108
and you're just using that knowledge
to get an easy roll in the hay.

393
00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:35,609
Well, duh!

394
00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:37,778
Come on, Cliff.

395
00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:39,447
You don't really care
about her. Admit it.

396
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,907
Come on, Norm.
Of course I care about the girl.

397
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,951
I'm the one who said
she was prompt.

398
00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:46,454
You're a mailman. What the hell
do you know about prompt?

399
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,331
All right. That's it, Peterson.

400
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:52,001
I'm trained in the art of self-defense.
All postal carriers are.

401
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:53,127
I'm really shaking, Cliff.

402
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:55,045
What are you going to do,
speed sort me?

403
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:58,466
Hey, are you two fighting over me?

404
00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:02,887
Oh, no. I've broken up
a wonderful friendship

405
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,473
because I was selfishly
thinking of nothing

406
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:08,100
but my own burning womanly needs.

407
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:10,978
I hate myself.

408
00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:12,938
Now, this has gone on long enough.

409
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,816
If I may intercede, you are mistaken.

410
00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:17,526
Two men were about
to have a fight over you.

411
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,487
Now, that should show you
that you're worth having.

412
00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:22,031
You don't have to settle.
You can pick and choose.

413
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:23,532
You can be selective.

414
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:25,451
You can go out with
who you want to go out with.

415
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,662
Who are you, and why are you
so damned handsome?

416
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,418
You're settling again.

417
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:37,254
Oh. I guess you're right.

418
00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:40,007
Now, you see, of course,
in case of someone like me,

419
00:21:40,174 --> 00:21:42,259
I see how you wouldn't think
it was settling...

420
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:45,054
Oh, no, you're right.
I can do better.

421
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:47,890
Good luck, babe.

422
00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:53,729
I can do better than you.

423
00:21:57,900 --> 00:21:59,151
I can do better than you.

424
00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:01,320
I can do better than you.

425
00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:06,033
No, I could never
do better than you.

426
00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:10,329
Doris! What's happened to you?

427
00:22:10,496 --> 00:22:12,206
You weren't like this
when you worked for me.

428
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,625
Well, I was different then.

429
00:22:15,209 --> 00:22:18,671
I was somebody.
I was Mr. Peterson's secretary.

430
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:21,340
What am I now?

431
00:22:22,550 --> 00:22:25,010
Wait a minute. What if you
came back to work for me?

432
00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:26,846
What if I hired you again?

433
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,806
Mr. Peterson,
please don't taunt me this way.

434
00:22:28,973 --> 00:22:30,516
No, I'm serious.

435
00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:32,476
I would hire you.
We miss you at the office.

436
00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:34,603
I mean, business has fallen off these...

437
00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:36,564
...seven hours
since you've been gone, terribly.

438
00:22:37,565 --> 00:22:39,733
Oh, Mr. Peterson,
I gladly accept your offer.

439
00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:41,902
- Thank you.
- Great, great.

440
00:22:44,113 --> 00:22:45,155
But I think you should know

441
00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:47,950
I have a rule
about romance in the workplace.

442
00:22:48,117 --> 00:22:49,535
Yeah, sure.
Anything you say. What?

443
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:52,121
I don't fish off the company pier.

444
00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:56,959
That's okay, Doris.
This company doesn't have a pier.

445
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:02,965
I think I handled that one rather well,
don't you, Wood?

446
00:23:03,507 --> 00:23:06,051
Could I have
a celebratory beer, please?

447
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:08,095
- Handled it, my foot!
- What?

448
00:23:08,262 --> 00:23:10,431
You mean to tell me you're gonna pay
that girl week after week

449
00:23:10,598 --> 00:23:12,850
just to stop following you
and watching your every move,

450
00:23:13,017 --> 00:23:14,476
interrupting your beer drinking?

451
00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:17,563
Come on, Frase, this is nothing.
I bought Vera a house.