1 00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:04,338 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:07,174 Miss Howe, can I have tomorrow off? 3 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:11,053 I pay you for 40 hours a week. I expect 40 hours work. 4 00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:13,555 Besides, I need you to take me to go get my car 5 00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,140 once it's finished being detailed. 6 00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:16,850 What time will that be? 7 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,186 Right after my beauty shop appointment. 8 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,605 I'm getting cellophane highlights put in my hair, 9 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,941 and then I'm gonna have a manicure and a pedicure. 10 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:25,192 A pedicure? 11 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,318 Yeah. I have a date with Robin tonight. 12 00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:27,903 I might want to play footsie. 13 00:00:29,321 --> 00:00:31,240 - All right, I can drive you. - Good. 14 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,368 But after that, if there's time, could I take off? 15 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,787 God, Woody, what is so all-fired important 16 00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,372 about your stupid life? 17 00:00:39,665 --> 00:00:42,459 Well, I cook and deliver meals to elderly shut-ins. 18 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:49,132 I normally do it on my day off, but this week on my day off 19 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,051 I'm doing a Walkathon for illiteracy. 20 00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:53,053 We're against it. 21 00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:57,516 Well, then that would be all right. 22 00:00:57,683 --> 00:01:01,103 Oh, Miss Howe. Wait. I'm recycling glass bottles. 23 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,648 I want this world to be clean for our children. 24 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:08,151 I mean, my children. Or your children. 25 00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:11,071 Or our children. 26 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,783 Seeing as how you've got a date with someone else tonight, 27 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,535 it seems like a long shot. 28 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,623 Woody, you're so good, and I'm so bad. 29 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,669 I feel guilty and ashamed. I feel like killing myself. 30 00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:28,755 Oh, I also volunteer for a suicide hotline. 31 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:33,677 We do good things. 32 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,592 Sammy, blind me with your beauty. 33 00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:57,344 What's with the fashion statement? 34 00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:58,929 Well, I had to look good. I had a meeting 35 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:02,391 over at corporation about buying Cheers. 36 00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,309 - How did it go? - I talked them into it. 37 00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,019 They're gonna sell me the bar back. 38 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,396 Back in the saddle. 39 00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:10,065 Well, I'm not out of the woods yet, you know. 40 00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:11,692 I've got to raise a little bit more capital, 41 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,319 and I have to find myself a few investors. 42 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:18,281 No, no, guys, whoa! Not you. 43 00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,450 I'm talking about people with real money. 44 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:21,868 What's the matter, Sam? 45 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,370 Our money's not good enough for you? 46 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:24,663 That's right. 47 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:26,623 Okay. 48 00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:31,712 For a second there I was offended, but I got over it. 49 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,172 So, Sammy, how much cash do you need? 50 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:35,549 Well... 51 00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:38,719 ...in a word... 52 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,514 isn't that how many miles it is to the Sun? 53 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,978 Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. 54 00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,396 Sammy, you can do it. 55 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,982 Yeah, right, no, of course I can do it. 56 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,818 As a matter of fact, this morning, 57 00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:58,238 I made a rather clever investment of $1,000. 58 00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,407 Way to be, Sammy. That's using the old noggin. 59 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,242 Let that money work for you, pal. 60 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,411 - What did you invest in? - This suit. 61 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,456 - Looks pretty good, doesn't it? - Yeah. 62 00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:10,500 I tell you, this jacket just over Levi's alone is fabulous. 63 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:13,378 Well... 64 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,131 The notion of investing is sound. 65 00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,216 In fact, I have $500 here, in my pocket, 66 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,343 that Lilith has entrusted me to invest 67 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:23,221 in a gilt-edged bond for little Frederick's future. 68 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,682 So Lilith controls the purse strings in your family? 69 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:28,435 Yes, with the eagle eye. It's a good thing, too. 70 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,854 I mean, you know me, left to my own devices, 71 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:33,899 wastrel that I am, I might blow two bucks a week on a lousy beer. 72 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,652 Well, investing sounds good on paper, Frase, 73 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:38,987 but the problem is with inflation. 74 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:41,114 When those bonds mature, that money will be worthless. 75 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,283 So little Freddy will lose money on the deal. 76 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,036 Oh, well, screw him. It'll teach him life is real. 77 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:54,586 Hey, gang, look. It's Gilligan and the millionaire. 78 00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,882 Mr. Colcord, you're not supposed to walk ahead of security. 79 00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,550 It's all right. I know these people. 80 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,344 Wait for me outside. 81 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,262 One security guard... big deal. 82 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,766 Boys, rendezvous at the limo. 83 00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:22,364 Twelve security guards... big deal. 84 00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:28,453 - So, what's with all the G-men? - Oh, it's nothing, really. 85 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:29,996 Don't be modest, Robin. 86 00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,582 People want to kill him. 87 00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,256 You're kidding me. Who? 88 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,883 I can't go into detail. Let's just say that I'm involved 89 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:45,303 in delicate financial dealings with some sensitive political areas. 90 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:48,473 Ah, a little arms trading there? 91 00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:51,393 That's Cliff. 92 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,478 People want to kill him, too. 93 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:57,816 - Who's after you? - Who isn't? 94 00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:59,526 It's one of the drawbacks of wealth. 95 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,571 Oh, well, enough of this assassination folderol. 96 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,614 Do you want to hear something really exciting? 97 00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:08,535 Robin took me to the harbor today to see his new sailboat, 98 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:11,580 and as coincidence would have it, it is called... 99 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:14,082 ...the Rebecca. 100 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,502 You named your boat after Miss Howe? 101 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,880 No, I christened her long before I met Miss Howe. 102 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,549 In fact, I named her for the biblical Rebecca. 103 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,050 But that's not all. 104 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,887 I had an aunt who was named after the biblical Rebecca, 105 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,638 and I'm named after her. 106 00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:30,724 And that isn't the end of it. 107 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,727 She was big as a boat and old as the Bible. 108 00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:38,440 Ah, yes, Rebecca... wasn't that the maiden 109 00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:42,068 King David spied taking a bath in her birthday suit? 110 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,237 No, I think that was Bathsheba. 111 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,823 I think Rebecca is the one who turned into a pillar of salt. 112 00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,825 No, that was Lot's wife. 113 00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,327 She didn't have a name of her own. 114 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,289 What did Lot do with her after she turned into salt? 115 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:55,916 Kept her by the pretzels, I bet. 116 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,296 Did they have pretzels in biblical times? 117 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,924 Yeah. I think I just had one, too. 118 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,389 So, where's the boat now? 119 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,391 We just got Rebecca out of dry dock, 120 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,310 scraping the barnacles off her bottom. 121 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,312 Not one word. 122 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,985 You know, this is a bar. I'm free to say whatever I want. 123 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,612 I'll give you five dollars. 124 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:26,863 Mum's the word. 125 00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,783 Yes, I'm preparing to sail her 126 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,077 in the Cape Cod Regatta this afternoon. 127 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:33,203 Fast boat, huh? 128 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:34,955 Yes. You won't find one faster than Rebecca. 129 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,881 Sir, this just came over the fax in the limousine. 130 00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,010 Damn it. My bauxite miners are threatening me 131 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,845 with a wildcat strike at midnight 132 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,931 unless I negotiate with them personally. 133 00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:54,516 Bauxite, huh? That's the stuff 134 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,685 they make missile casings out of, isn't it? 135 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,520 Don't cut this guy off in traffic. 136 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,024 Fax them I'm on my way, and fill a briefcase full of cash. 137 00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,401 Yes, sir. 138 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,194 Drat. There goes the race. 139 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:08,154 I spent all that time cleaning Rebecca up, 140 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,031 and I can't get her out of her slip. 141 00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,826 That's worth ten bucks if it's worth a nickel. 142 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:17,330 It's too bad you can't enter that race. 143 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,625 I read here in the paper the first prize is $10,000. 144 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:23,294 - It's up to $10,000? - Yeah. 145 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,421 Gentlemen, in the time it takes me 146 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:27,257 to say $10,000, I make $10,000. 147 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:29,384 Oh, there I go again. 148 00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:32,721 Look. 149 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:34,848 $10,000. 150 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,058 Yes, it also works if you say it. 151 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,729 Well, I'd better make some calls and rattle some cages 152 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,397 before I go off to the mines. 153 00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,858 Rebecca, is the phone in your office tapped? 154 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:45,900 No. 155 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,862 Nothing she has has been tapped for three years. 156 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,910 Sammy, why don't you sail Robin's boat? 157 00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,662 You could really use the money. 158 00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:00,331 Yeah, I'm sure he's gonna give his fancy boat 159 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,417 named after my fat aunt to you. 160 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:05,879 Well, you can ask him. 161 00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,090 - Yeah. - Yeah. 162 00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,384 Of course, he'll probably laugh at me 163 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,344 and say, "Why should I give you my boat?" 164 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:14,804 But then I could say, 165 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,265 "Well, it's a business deal, 166 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:20,685 and if I win, then you'll have this beautiful trophy." 167 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,729 Yeah. 168 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,523 Of course then he'll probably look at me and say, 169 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,610 "Why should I give a yutz like you my fancy boat?" 170 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:33,031 Then I'd say, "Listen to me. I happen to be a very good sailor. 171 00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,617 As a matter of fact, in '83, I came close to winning that race. 172 00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,744 Where do you get off calling me a yutz? 173 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,579 You don't even know me." 174 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,081 He'd probably say, "I may not know you, 175 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,957 but I know your kind." 176 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,667 That would really tick me off. 177 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:45,835 I'd say, "I'll tell you something, 178 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,296 how about you just step outside with me?" 179 00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:53,051 I was thinking, Sam, Rebecca tells me you're a sailor. 180 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:54,969 Why don't you race my boat? 181 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,430 - Oh, sure. Yeah, great. - Good. 182 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,517 Hey, I happen to be a very good sailor. 183 00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:03,478 - Yes. Fine. - And I'm not a yutz. 184 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:06,481 Good for you, Sam. 185 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:10,819 I'll call you later. 186 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:15,073 Sam, you can pick the keys up at pier 17, in the yacht club. 187 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,909 And you'll need a crew. Rebecca takes three men. 188 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,415 No, no. 189 00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,167 Buy four, get one free. 190 00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:31,923 Guys, how about this? 191 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,925 I'm going to be in the Regatta this afternoon. 192 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,052 You just better not do anything to that boat, 193 00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:37,262 because Robin has promised me 194 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,806 that the two of us are gonna take a cruise on the Rebecca 195 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,099 to the Virgin islands. 196 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:45,228 Wow! A boat and an island named after you in the same day. 197 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:51,025 All right, I've got to get me a crew here, don't I? 198 00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:53,403 Well, say there, Carla, 199 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,822 you're used to being around sailors, aren't you? 200 00:10:57,198 --> 00:11:00,076 I'm with you, Sammy. Anything to get this bar back. 201 00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:02,412 All right, that's one. One more to go here. 202 00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,708 Come on, you were in the coast guard, weren't you? 203 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:07,709 Right, Sam. 204 00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:10,086 I'd go with you in a second if it weren't for those horses. 205 00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:11,671 - What horses? - Wild ones. 206 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,257 They don't make 'em strong enough to drag me on board a boat. 207 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,302 We'll be bringing a cooler of beer. 208 00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:19,387 Come on! 209 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,055 All right! 210 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,224 Hey, I got my crew here. 211 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,809 All right, you guys, I'm going to make a call 212 00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:27,187 over to Gary's Old Town Tavern 213 00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:30,148 to see if I can get a little betting going on 214 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,192 with those pigeons down there. Okay, so... 215 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,153 ...what do you say, $100 says we lose? 216 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,988 - Hey! - Come on! Whoa! 217 00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:40,408 All right, I'm sorry. Five bucks says we win. 218 00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:44,370 Hello, Gar? Cliff Clavin over here at Cheers. 219 00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,457 Hey, that's Mr. Weenie to you, pal. 220 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,585 Let's huddle up here, fellas. 221 00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,795 Listen, we got to remember something here now. 222 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:56,382 We can no longer think of ourselves as three individuals. 223 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,593 We are three parts of the same machine 224 00:11:58,760 --> 00:11:59,761 working together. 225 00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:03,723 Three people with one single purpose. 226 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,016 Not to drown. 227 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,728 All right. All right. Two single purposes, 228 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:12,023 not to drown and win the race. 229 00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:13,900 Okay, what about getting all wet and sick? 230 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,944 All right. Three single purposes. 231 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:17,320 How about buying the bar back? 232 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:19,072 All right, four. Does anyone have any paper? 233 00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,825 Guys, I struck a deal with Gary. 234 00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:24,327 He says he'll give us five to one odds 235 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:27,163 if we can come up with $500 cash before the race. 236 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,082 Where in the hell we gonna get $500 cash? 237 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:31,292 Yeah. 238 00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:34,212 Hey, hey, hey. 239 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:39,259 Who in the world would carry $500 in their pocket? 240 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,971 Yeah. Got any ideas there, Frase? 241 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:44,722 Let's see. 242 00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:49,811 I find myself in the horns of a dilemma. 243 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,813 Do I keep the money? In which case you guys 244 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,773 would pants me and hang me from the nearest flagpole. 245 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,984 Or do I give you the money? 246 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,485 In which case my darling wife will see to it 247 00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:58,987 that I don't need pants again. 248 00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:04,575 No. It seems to me there's only one decent thing to do. 249 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,077 Run like a jack rabbit! 250 00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,625 Oh, no, Lilith. No, you're mistaken. 251 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,877 You did not give me $500. 252 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,256 I mean, how would I forget a thing like that? 253 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:21,259 Well, did you look under all the sofa cushions? 254 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,095 How about behind your dresser? 255 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,723 Yes, well, keep on looking. 256 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,892 Maybe it's in your web. 257 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:40,028 Hey, guys, all sports is showing Sammy's boat race. 258 00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:42,613 ...as they round the first buoy, Orion is in the lead. 259 00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,407 Mickey G is second 260 00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,534 and Blue Horizon a close third. 261 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:47,869 Rebecca is trailing dead last. 262 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,537 Come on, Sammy! 263 00:13:49,704 --> 00:13:51,706 Baby needs a Bachelor of Arts degree! 264 00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,500 Don't worry there, Frase. Sammy's an experienced sailor. 265 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:57,086 Oh, yeah, once he whips Carla and Norm 266 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,464 into an experienced, efficient crew, 267 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,591 he's gonna have that baby sailing like a Swiss watch. 268 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:04,052 So you're telling me I can kiss my $500 goodbye. 269 00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:05,178 Pucker up, baby. 270 00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:14,020 All right, guys, stand by! 271 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,356 Stand by on the mainsail! 272 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:17,982 Stand by to come about! 273 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,361 Hey, come on, guys. What are you doing? 274 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,571 Standing by the cooler. Can I get you anything? 275 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:28,534 Come on, this is your chance to win back Sammy's bar here. 276 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,244 Come on, Sam, we've lost the race, 277 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:32,205 gotten sick, made fools of ourselves. 278 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,956 I say it's Miller time, pal. 279 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,336 Hey, what is that, quitter's talk? 280 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:40,797 If it's not, we'll think of some more. 281 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:42,256 Yeah, well, I'm not giving up. 282 00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:43,591 How about another beer, Norm? 283 00:14:43,758 --> 00:14:45,301 Yeah, coming up. 284 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,972 That's it for the cheap stuff. 285 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,891 See if Colcord keeps anything in his fridge. 286 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,351 Oh, yeah. Break it out. 287 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,105 Bingo. All right. 288 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:02,110 Why would Colcord keep a digital clock in his refrigerator? 289 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,194 That's weird. 290 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:06,155 Yeah. It has all these wires coming out of it. 291 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,573 It's going backwards, too. 292 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,659 Does it have a snooze button? 293 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,869 No, it just has this thing marked detonator. 294 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,918 Sam! 295 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,294 Sam! 296 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,264 What? I can't keep coming down here every two seconds! 297 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,849 Come on, guys, you should be up there. 298 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,767 We're all gonna be up there in a second, Sam. 299 00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:36,936 Over here, over there, everywhere. 300 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:40,064 - We're gonna be chum, pal. - What are you talking about? 301 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,607 There's a bomb in the fridge. 302 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,444 What? 303 00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:47,196 Oh, no! 304 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:52,952 Oh, boy. 305 00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:55,329 Well, maybe it's... 306 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,790 ...one of those devices 307 00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,126 to keep you from raiding the refrigerator, huh? 308 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,171 No. Trust me, Sammy. I've seen them all. 309 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:10,511 All right, looks like we got about 28 minutes there. 310 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:11,554 Let's not panic. 311 00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,347 Let go. Don't touch me. 312 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:16,934 All right, okay, we'll just... 313 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,312 We'll call the coast guard is what we'll do here. 314 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:20,605 They'll know what to do. 315 00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:22,940 All right, just don't panic here, don't panic. 316 00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:24,525 Panic is our worst enemy. 317 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,527 Yeah, well, this bomb is a close second, Sammy. 318 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,614 Mayday, mayday. 319 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,866 Damn, the thing doesn't seem to be working here. 320 00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,534 - Oh, God. - Mayday... 321 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,622 Okay, well, there's your problem there, Sammy. 322 00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:42,793 Well, what do we do now, skipper? 323 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,754 I think we ought to rely on an old skill 324 00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,339 that I learned in the coast guard. 325 00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:47,590 Radios, munitions... 326 00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:48,883 No, no. Abandon ship! 327 00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:50,468 Yeah, yeah, yeah! 328 00:16:51,802 --> 00:16:53,429 All right, careful, careful. 329 00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:55,890 I got it. All right. 330 00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,602 All right, what are those fins out there? 331 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:02,730 - Sharks! - Abandon water! 332 00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,275 Oh, God. 333 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,985 Oh, hold it. Wait a minute. 334 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,612 How about this... 335 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,824 if one of us is willing to go overboard 336 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:16,118 and create a diversion for the sharks, 337 00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:18,996 then maybe Sammy and I could swim to safety. 338 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,585 I never liked you, Carla. 339 00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:25,795 All right, all right. 340 00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:29,382 Sammy, wait a minute. What about your dinghy? 341 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,092 Yeah. That's what I'll miss most of all. 342 00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:37,223 Idiot! I mean the little boat we can get away in. 343 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,600 Oh, yeah. What am I thinking here? 344 00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:41,811 All right, okay, here we go. 345 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,438 All right. How's it work? 346 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,899 Take it on deck and you pull this cord. 347 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,025 No, not yet! 348 00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:56,867 "Pull cord, you're going to die." 349 00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,036 Oh, we're going to die! 350 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,329 We're going to die! 351 00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:01,747 We're going to die! 352 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:04,625 Listen, listen, you guys, listen. 353 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,128 We've still got time here. If you help me, 354 00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:11,090 maybe we can sail this thing to shore before it blows up. 355 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,593 - You really think we can do it? - Yeah, yeah. You bet I do. 356 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,720 And if we don't, we'll die trying. Come on. 357 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,221 Let's go for it, Sammy. 358 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,223 - Get this rope. - I got it. 359 00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:23,436 If I go, I'm not going alone. 360 00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:35,489 - Were you scared, Sam? - Are you kidding? 361 00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:38,159 I saw my hair pass before my eyes. 362 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,287 It was unbelievable. I've never seen anything like it. 363 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,999 Really. We just barely made it to this little inlet, right? 364 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,627 We jumped off the boat, onto the beach. 365 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,670 We ran about 50 yards, 366 00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:52,340 and this baby exploded like a Roman candle. 367 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,133 I'm telling you, there were bits of boat everywhere. 368 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,594 - Unbelievable. - That is truly horrifying. 369 00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:57,803 Yeah, how about this? 370 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,764 Is that where a piece of boat hit you? 371 00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,724 No, I ripped my thumb on one of Colcord's beer. 372 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:04,393 Those imports don't have twist-offs. It still smarts. 373 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,938 You know, something very similar 374 00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:09,440 happened to me about ten years go. 375 00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:13,069 You see, my ma was making us homemade bread in a Crockpot... 376 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,780 Wait, Cliff, unless that Crockpot exploded in your face, 377 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:18,616 I don't want to hear about it, okay. There's no comparison. 378 00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:20,826 Well, suffice it to say, 379 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,454 that was the week I started growing this mustache. 380 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:26,832 Well, it's closing time, guys. 381 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:27,958 Yep. I'm out of here. 382 00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:29,710 I think me and my crew are gonna hang out here 383 00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:30,753 for a little while. 384 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,423 Listen, Frase, I'm sorry about losing your $500 like that. 385 00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:37,176 Hope Lilith doesn't give you too tough a time. 386 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,096 Oh, you know, I paint a pretty ugly picture 387 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,972 of Lilith once in a while, 388 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,768 but deep down, she's really a good-hearted, forgiving person. 389 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:48,104 Well, give her my best when you get home. 390 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,605 Home? Are you nuts? 391 00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:51,357 I'm staying at the Sheraton for a couple of weeks. 392 00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:02,660 Well, guys, that's another half-hour that we wouldn't have had 393 00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:04,495 if we hadn't gotten off that boat. 394 00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,958 I tell you, a brush with death like that really changes you. 395 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,919 From now on, I'm really going to appreciate beer. 396 00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:15,131 I'll go get my coat. 397 00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:16,841 I tell you what gets me. 398 00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:19,885 We almost get killed for this jerk Robin Colcord, 399 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:23,597 and he didn't call us, didn't send us flowers, didn't fax. 400 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,766 - Not a word, no. - I tell you something, that's the last time 401 00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:27,601 I'm gonna almost blow up for that guy. 402 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,521 Better call Vera, I suppose. 403 00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:31,814 I'll bet she's worried sick. 404 00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:34,275 Yeah, I tell you, if I act upset enough, 405 00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:36,569 I might be able to parlay this into a poker weekend. 406 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,449 Ah, there you are, Sam. 407 00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:43,576 Yeah, here I am. 408 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,119 I got back from the union meeting. 409 00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:47,037 I just now heard about the explosion. 410 00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:50,166 - Well, we're all okay. - Yes, I can see that. 411 00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:51,959 Now, would you sign these release forms? 412 00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:55,045 It's just a technicality for my insurance department, 413 00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:57,173 but it will protect you from further hassles. 414 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:00,384 Release forms? 415 00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:02,470 I mean, that's all you care about is saving your butt. 416 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,054 You know, we went through hell out there. 417 00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:06,432 Yes, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking of. 418 00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,893 Believe me, if I'd known there was a bomb on board the boat, 419 00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:12,813 I would never have let you near it. I just admire your courage, and... 420 00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:14,940 Will you let me do something for you? 421 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,110 Now, Sam, how much do you suppose your life is worth? 422 00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:21,405 Would say $50,000? Does that sound fair? 423 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:23,657 - What are you talking about? - No, no, I've insulted you. 424 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:27,244 60,000... 50 in cash, ten in stock options. 425 00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:30,206 Come on, stop. Hey, stop that. 426 00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:32,291 This is not about money. 427 00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:35,795 This is about human life... mine and my friends. 428 00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,505 You know, you may not understand this, 429 00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:39,340 but some things you can't buy. 430 00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:41,175 There are some things more precious than money, 431 00:21:41,342 --> 00:21:45,054 human life and a little simple human dignity. 432 00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:47,473 Yes, obviously you're still hysterical, Sam. 433 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,975 No, I'm not. I'll tell you something, 434 00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,185 why don't you just take your checkbook 435 00:21:51,352 --> 00:21:52,812 and drop it down your bauxite mine. 436 00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:54,730 My life's worth more than money. 437 00:21:55,397 --> 00:21:56,482 Sam, if you're trying to haggle... 438 00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:58,317 No, I'm not. I don't want your money, okay? 439 00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:02,112 I just want a little simple apology and a little concern for all of us. 440 00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:03,280 - Yeah. - Yeah. 441 00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:05,366 Okay, I'm sorry. 442 00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:07,827 How are you? 443 00:22:09,078 --> 00:22:10,287 - Okay. - Not too bad. 444 00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:12,248 Yes, well, I'm off. 445 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,130 You believe that? Rich people. 446 00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:21,966 We almost died for him and he thinks he can spread 447 00:22:22,132 --> 00:22:23,634 a little money around and make it all right. 448 00:22:23,801 --> 00:22:25,511 Yeah. Rich people are sick. 449 00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:27,388 I'm glad he didn't mention that when I was here. 450 00:22:27,555 --> 00:22:28,764 I would have taken a poke at him. 451 00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:30,140 Yeah, well, I said it for us all. 452 00:22:30,307 --> 00:22:31,517 I told him what to do with his check. 453 00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,853 - We're with you, Sam. - Can you believe that? 454 00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:35,145 Thinking he can come in here 455 00:22:35,312 --> 00:22:38,732 and buy the three of us for a measly $60,000. 456 00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:44,655 - Abandon Sammy! - Hey, Robin! 457 00:22:44,822 --> 00:22:47,283 Abandon Sammy!