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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:09,426
Can I help you?
3
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A beer, please.
4
00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:13,263
Boy, you can't go home again.
5
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You really know that's true
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when you come back
to a place you haven't seen in 20 years.
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Or when you lose your bus pass.
8
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Two decades ago,
my job took me to Alaska.
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This is the first time
I've been back to Cheers
10
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- since the sixties.
- Really?
11
00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:29,905
Ah, see those stairs?
12
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They used to go down
the other side of that wall.
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And this floor,
when I was here,
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it was all ugly green tile.
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I guess everything
changes in 20 years.
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- They've even changed the paneling.
- Where?
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Over there behind Norm.
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Cheers.
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Uh, just a second.
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Sam, it's for you.
It's someone named Carmen.
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Carmen, as in "Carmen get it"?
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Just a second, I'll check.
Carmen, as in--
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No, whoa, whoa.
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Yo, Carmen.
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Ho, ho, ho, hey,
Slow down a second.
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Let me get a word in edgewise, honey.
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No, I didn't--
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- Hung up on you?
- She used to be.
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Dang, man.
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That's very weird.
She wanted to know why I stood her up.
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You missed a date?
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No, I didn't make one,
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but she said she spent the afternoon
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waiting for me at the roller rink
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dressed in a black leather miniskirt
and French-cut panties.
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Man, I wouldn't forget something
like that.
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I'll remember it on my deathbed.
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You know what,
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I'm going to call her
and straighten this out.
40
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Wait a minute.
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Oh, my God.
42
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,355
It's not there.
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My little black book,
somebody took it.
44
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All right,
everybody freeze!
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All right.
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Don't anybody move here.
47
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Just stay put. Are you moving?
48
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All right.
49
00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:22,911
I'm going to lock the door here.
50
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I'm going to turn off the lights.
51
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And whoever took my little black book
will just put it right back on the bar.
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No questions asked.
here we go.
53
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Okay. Woody?
54
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Nope, it's not here, Sam.
55
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Wait a second.
My watch is gone.
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Here it is on my right hand.
57
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I took it off my left hand
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so it wouldn't get wet when I was washing
the bar glasses.
59
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,567
Wood, don't you use both hands
when you wash the glasses?
60
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,736
Well, that's okay. It's waterproof.
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Hey, guys. Guess what.
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Jeopardy! is coming to town
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00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,454
for a one-time only
East Coast appearance.
64
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And I'm going to take the test
to be on the show.
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Beer, Mr. Clavin?
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What is a brewed
alcoholic beverage
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00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,004
consisting of barley and yeast?
68
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,716
Well, I don't know.
Usually, you just have a beer.
69
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:19,926
Sammy, any sign
of the book down there?
70
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:21,762
No.
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00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,221
Are you sure that,
you know, one of you guys
72
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didn't like just pick it up
and browse through it?
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- I'm not going to be mad.
- Come on, Sam.
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00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,393
Trusting the book with us?
75
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,688
That's like trusting the H-bomb
with a pack of spider monkeys.
76
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,150
You're going about this thing
all wrong, Sam.
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00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,819
Now let's just retrace
your steps starting in the morning.
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There you go.
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So this morning, I...
80
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I took it out of the wall safe,
and I slipped it into its waterproof pouch.
81
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,123
And I got dressed and I came here.
82
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,042
Well, did you stop anywhere
on your way to work?
83
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,960
Yes! Oh, thank you!
84
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Oh, God!
85
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The Laundromat. That's where it is.
86
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Oh, hey, Sam,
if you're going to the Laundromat,
87
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can you do something for me?
88
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,635
I don't have time
to do your laundry, Woody.
89
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,262
Well, no, if you see
a sock like this,
90
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:05,764
could you bring it back?
I'm missing two of them.
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00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,104
I did it.
92
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:14,773
Yeah, I aced that test.
93
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:15,899
Going to be on Jeopardy!
94
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That's exciting, Clifford.
95
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:22,739
Yes, yes, it's exciting, all right.
96
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,866
You know how people
go on the show Jeopardy!
97
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,868
And they always tell
some little amusing anecdote?
98
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:27,828
Yeah, sure.
99
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,287
Well, I was just
standing over there thinking
100
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:30,831
that maybe it would be
good publicity for the bar
101
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,750
if you could come up
with a funny little blurb about Cheers.
102
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,502
Cliff ie, I know, why don't you tell
them about the time
103
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,003
we got that really
bad keg of beer
104
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,922
and everyone got sick all over
the place, remember?
105
00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:40,507
Yeah!
106
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:44,261
No, no, no, remember
that glow in the dark men's room fungus?
107
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,766
Now how about the time
you found that dead possum on the steps?
108
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,977
At least I hope
that was a possum.
109
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I hate to think
a rat could get that big.
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- Hi, guys.
- Hey, Sam. Any luck with the book?
111
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,571
No. Woody,
anything in the lost and found?
112
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,281
Well, all we got is...
113
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:06,700
An old umbrella,
114
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,869
a couple gloves
that don't match--
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00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,579
Oh, hey, my socks.
116
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Cheers.
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Annie.
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As in "Annie time he wants."
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Whoa, hey, whoa, no, wait a second.
I did not make a date with you.
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What are you talk--
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Hello?
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I can't believe that,
twice in one day.
123
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What's that, Sam?
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Annie said I made a date to have
breakfast with her.
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Spent two hours waiting for me at
the roller rink
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in French-cut panties and a miniskirt.
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I don't even have my black book,
so I can't call her back.
128
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,820
That's your answer, Sam.
There's some guy out there
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with your book that's making these dates
in your name
130
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,073
and then not showing up.
131
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,992
Which means at this very moment,
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there could be dozens
of gorgeous women
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in French-cut panties and mini skirts
just hanging around the roller rink,
134
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and there's not one damn thing
we can do about it.
135
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Can someone give me a ride?
136
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:07,093
My car's in the shop, I swear to you.
137
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,439
Hey, are you guys
going to see Mr. Clavin play Jeopardy!?
138
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,733
I don't know, Wood.
I really can't decide.
139
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,486
So you go, cheer him on.
140
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:27,530
You know, it would help him
to have a friendly face in the audience.
141
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:28,949
So are you going?
142
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:32,619
Well, I promised Lilith I'd stay at home
and clean the dog's ears.
143
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,707
- Well, I'm sure going.
- Yeah?
144
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:40,627
I want to be there
and see when they say "this is Jeopardy!'
145
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:44,506
and that big ball comes out and breaks
into a million pieces and swirls away.
146
00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:47,467
You know, it's just like
the sunrise in my hometown.
147
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:49,886
Woody, uh,
148
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:53,974
is there a big chemical
plant near Hanover?
149
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:59,479
Sure, it's right over the landfill
right next to the reservoir.
150
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,398
- How did you know?
- Lucky guess.
151
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,279
Hi, guys.
152
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,365
Hey, Sam, I got a bunch
of messages for you.
153
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:11,950
Mostly girls
screaming at you.
154
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:16,246
Oh, man. This is sick.
The guy's going through my list of babes.
155
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,248
I mean, first the "A's",
then the "B's",
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he's worked his way
through the "G's".
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I mean, where's he going to strike next?
158
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The "H's".
159
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,339
Hey, that's good work,
Dr. Crane.
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You know, think like a criminal.
161
00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:31,261
Or like somebody acquainted
with our alphabet.
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00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,847
All right, all right, all right, Sammy.
163
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Here's what we do, we get to the girls
that he hasn't contacted yet and we set a trap.
164
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Oh, yeah, good idea. Wait a minute.
165
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,605
Yeah, all right, girls' last names
that begin with "H".
166
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,899
Hi, Miss Howe.
Hi, Woody.
167
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,735
Oh.
168
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,945
Yeah. Say, uh...
169
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:52,323
Honey, I have a little
favor to ask you.
170
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,160
See, somebody out there
has got my little black book.
171
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:56,369
So?
172
00:08:56,536 --> 00:09:00,123
So some guy is calling
all the girls in it and saying he's Sam.
173
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,958
Right. And he sets up dates with them
174
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,710
and has them put on sexy outfits
175
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,503
and I guess he spies on them.
176
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,213
It sounds like you, Sam.
177
00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:10,717
No, but it's not bad.
178
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,510
Anyways...
179
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:15,930
We want to use you
to help us set a trap for this fiend.
180
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,682
Why would I want
to help Sam get back
181
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,559
his great big book of bimbos?
182
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,063
Because you're the next
great big bimbo he's going to call.
183
00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:27,984
What? Why am I in the list of women
you've gone to bed with?
184
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:30,487
They're not all women
that I've gone to bed with.
185
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:32,781
It's just the important
women in my life, you know?
186
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:36,409
I mean, the women
I've gone to bed with, my cleaning lady,
187
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,120
my mother, and you.
188
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,498
Of course, now that I've gone
to bed with my cleaning lady,
189
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,541
that just leaves them,
mom, and you.
190
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:46,503
Come on.
191
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:47,629
No. forget it.
192
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:49,422
Why don't you
give the guy a break?
193
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,423
Why should I?
194
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,966
Because if you don't,
195
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,677
I might have to bring up that thing
196
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,221
I happen to know about.
197
00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:58,723
What thing?
198
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,935
The very personal thing
I happened to overhear.
199
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,270
You know what I'm talking about.
200
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,064
That thing that if it ever got out,
201
00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:08,108
you won't be able to show your face
around here again.
202
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,569
What is it you want me to do?
203
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:16,407
Carla, that's amazing.
204
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,784
What have you got on her?
205
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,702
Nothing. I bluffed. She crumbled.
206
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:30,630
And now from Boston,
this is Jeopardy!
207
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,424
Now entering the studio
are today's contestants.
208
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,718
A doctor and chief of neurosurgery
209
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,805
at Boston General Hospital, Milford Reynolds,
210
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,974
a lawyer and mother of six,
211
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,184
Agnes Borsic,
212
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:46,980
and a mailman, Cliff Clavin.
213
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:50,400
And now here is
the host of Jeopardy!,
214
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:51,985
Alex Trebek.
215
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,906
Thank you, Johnny. Thank you, ladies
and gentlemen. Hi, everyone.
216
00:10:57,073 --> 00:11:00,201
And welcome to
a very special edition of Jeopardy!
217
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,370
- Thank you, Alex.
- You're welcome, Cliff.
218
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:05,165
This is the very first time
we have taken our program
219
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,499
out on location,
and what better place...
220
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:07,750
ls Cliff ie wearing make-up?
221
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,003
Well, it's
a special day for him.
222
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:13,047
We have three new contestants
with us today.
223
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,633
One of them, at least,
very eager to show how bright he is,
224
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,927
so let's get right to it.
Players, good luck.
225
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,180
We're now going to play
the first round of Jeopardy!
226
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,184
And here are
the categories for you.
227
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:28,188
Civil servants,
stamps from around the world,
228
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,815
mothers and sons,
229
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:33,318
beer, bar trivia,
230
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,487
and finally... celibacy.
231
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:40,825
This has got to be
Mr. Clavin's dream board.
232
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:43,703
Sure, he's home free
as long as he doesn't get too cocky.
233
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,122
Cliff, could I get you to pick a category
and an amount.
234
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:47,790
Why don't you go ahead
and pick any one you want.
235
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,460
I mean, I am feeling lucky today!
236
00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:00,136
Okay, we're back in 30 seconds.
237
00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:03,306
Can you believe it?
Mr. Clavin's going into final jeopardy
238
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:04,891
with $22,000.
239
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,100
Yeah, and I'm really depressed, too.
240
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,101
Why?
241
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:10,021
Ah, I know he's going to blow it
before I have a chance to hit him up for a loan.
242
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,523
What, he's way ahead.
there's no way he can lose.
243
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:14,984
Well, you got to have faith, Woody.
244
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,820
And three... two...
245
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:19,322
Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen.
246
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,908
Our final Jeopardy! category is movies.
247
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,910
In a moment, contestants,
I'll give you the clue.
248
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,579
You'll then have 30 seconds
to write down your question.
249
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:27,789
Here we go.
250
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,624
Our final Jeopardy! answer is...
251
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:34,504
"Archibald Leach, Bernard Schwartz,
and Lucille Lesueur."
252
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:35,922
Good luck, players.
253
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,685
Cliff, you're not looking over there to see
what Agnes is writing down, are you?
254
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,229
Oh, no, Alex, I wouldn't try
anything sleazy like that.
255
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:54,899
I was just admiring
the cut of her jacket.
256
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,610
Very shapely for a mother of six,
if I might say.
257
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,529
- Thank you.
- Ah, you're welcome.
258
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:00,989
Cliff, you got
about five seconds to go.
259
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,198
All right, all right.
260
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:04,325
Where's the make-up guy?
261
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:06,119
Mr. Clavin's starting
to look a little pasty.
262
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,204
You would, too,
if you bet everything you had
263
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:09,414
and didn't know the answer.
264
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,582
What makes you think
he doesn't know the answer?
265
00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,835
Well, a lot of people wouldn't
have noticed, Woody,
266
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,879
but there's a little stream of blood
trickling down his chin
267
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,214
where he's bitten through his lower lip.
268
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,551
Agnes, what did you put down?
269
00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:25,471
"Who are Tony Curtis,
Cary Grant, and Lucille Ball?"
270
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,725
You're so very close,
but you're incorrect, unfortunately,
271
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,852
and that means
it's going to cost you...
272
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:34,439
$2,900.
That takes you down to $400.
273
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,399
And it takes us to Cliff.
274
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,609
Cliff, good news for you,
275
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:40,194
both of your opponents came up
with incorrect responses.
276
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:42,613
And what that means
is that even if you're wrong,
277
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,282
as long as you didn't
do anything foolish
278
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,576
like wager everything,
you're a cinch winner.
279
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:50,747
Well, then we don't have
to see my answer there, do we, Alex?
280
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,374
Listen, see you at the tournament
of champions.
281
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:54,751
Cliff, we're running out of time.
282
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:58,129
And we are going to have to take a look
at your response.
283
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,716
You wrote down,
"Who are three people
284
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:02,633
who have never been in my kitchen?"
285
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,178
No, I'm sorry. That, too, is wrong.
286
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,764
The correct response is,
what were the real names
287
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,767
of Cary Grant, Tony Curtis,
and Joan Crawford?
288
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,393
Be that as it may, Alex,
289
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,437
those people have never
been in my kitchen.
290
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,105
Well, I'm sure they haven't,
291
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,857
but obviously that's not
what we were going for
292
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,151
- when we wrote up that clue.
- Obvious to who?
293
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,362
Cliff, it's all right,
you don't have to worry.
294
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,531
Unless you risked more
than $21,600,
295
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,867
you will be the new
Jeopardy! champion.
296
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,203
So let's take a look
and see what your wager was.
297
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:33,081
You bet "22,000 big ones"?
298
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:35,958
Which takes you down to zero.
299
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,711
You bet it all. Cliff, why would you
do something like that?
300
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:42,048
It's because I knew that those people had
never been in my kitchen.
301
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,467
You can ask them.
Come on, Tony Curtis is still alive.
302
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:47,136
Get him on the phone,
go ahead, I'll pay for the call.
303
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:48,679
Isn't going to work, Cliff, sorry.
304
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:50,515
Agnes, $400 is not a big total,
305
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,267
but today it's enough to make you
the new Jeopardy! champion.
306
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,061
- So congratulations.
- No, she's not!
307
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,396
I'm the champion!
308
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,022
I answered all those questions!
309
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:00,441
You saw me, America!
Write in and tell them!
310
00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:02,151
Come on, Wood,
if we sneak out right now,
311
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:03,486
nobody will know we're with him.
312
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:08,032
Tony Curtis, if you're out there,
if you can hear me,
313
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:09,909
call in, and I'll split the pot with you.
314
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,869
Ah, for crying out loud, look...
315
00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:13,830
Any mail carriers out there?
316
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,004
Can I have another beer, please?
317
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:24,424
I don't see any money, Norm.
318
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:28,302
Yeah, yeah. I really should
go hit that bank machine,
319
00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:29,429
I guess, but, um,
320
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:30,888
but I hope on the way out
321
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,349
I don't happen to just inadvertently mention
322
00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:36,227
that one thing that Carla
and I happen to know about you.
323
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,106
Shut up, Norm,
and drink your free beer.
324
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:44,569
This bluffing thing is a gold mine.
325
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:49,699
Yeah, I've given you
a wonderful gift, my son.
326
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,910
You must use it for good only,
never for evil.
327
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:55,496
Free beer is good, right?
328
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,915
You learn fast, young Norm.
329
00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:04,088
Hello. Who?
330
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,673
Oh, Sam.
331
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,968
Yeah, hold on just one second.
It's the guy with the book. What shall I do?
332
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,387
Talk to him. You know, pretend like
it's someone who would go out with me.
333
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:12,513
Okay, I'll try.
334
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,893
Hello? Hell-- Oh, yes,
I'm back. Silly me.
335
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:19,103
I was just talking
into the wrong end of the receiver.
336
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,150
Oh, yes, I'm wearing a miniskirt
337
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,194
and my French-cut panties.
338
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,321
I'm just not a real good skater.
339
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,781
Listen, maybe you could
meet me someplace else.
340
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,992
Have you ever heard
of a bar called Cheers?
341
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,329
Good.
342
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,622
Well, then why don't you
come over here right now,
343
00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:39,248
and please hurry!
344
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,459
It's-- it's hot, and I don't know
how much longer
345
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,377
I can keep my clothes on.
346
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,300
That was really good.
347
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:53,221
You kind of turned me on.
348
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,599
A dial tone turns you on.
349
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:01,103
Hi, guys.
350
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,772
Guess you heard the story?
351
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:05,566
I guess everybody knows by now, huh?
352
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,528
I'm nothing but a loser.
353
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:11,531
Oh, it's okay, Cliff. We understand.
354
00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:14,700
I can't believe I lost on Jeopardy!
355
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,536
Oh, you were on Jeopardy!?
356
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:26,379
All these years,
357
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,923
you know, coming off like a big genius.
Big know it all.
358
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,551
Ha. And that game has been
a big part of my life.
359
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:32,760
And because of my greed,
360
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:37,139
I went out and desecrated that glorious
American tradition known as Jeopardy!
361
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,267
I'm worthless. I'm no good.
362
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:42,019
- Oh, come on, Cliff.
- It's a game show, for God sakes.
363
00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:44,397
And you blew $22,000.
364
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,440
- What a Jonah.
- Can you believe this guy?
365
00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:48,901
That's pitiful.
366
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,571
When this depraved sicko
with your book does come in here,
367
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:52,655
now how are we going
to recognize him?
368
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:53,864
I don't know. We'll...
369
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,157
Stop it.
370
00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:59,078
Hey, hey, mister, mister?
371
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,997
Have you seen a girl wearing
a black leather miniskirt?
372
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,915
Huh. Check the roller rink.
373
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,000
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
374
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,878
You wouldn't happen to be
Sam Malone, would you?
375
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:10,131
Who wants to know?
376
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:13,593
As a matter of fact,
377
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,927
I do.
378
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,054
Wow, what a coincidence.
Well, see ya.
379
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,724
Whoa, whoa, sit down, will you?
380
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,851
Hey, fork it over.
381
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,396
Want to just slip that right in there.
382
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,774
Thank you.
383
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:32,028
Excuse me a second.
I'm Rebecca Howe,
384
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:33,613
the one you called
on the phone.
385
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:36,991
Now you seem like
a nice adolescent.
386
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:38,451
I have a question for you.
387
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,120
Why do you call up these women
and make dates with them
388
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,455
and then not show up?
389
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,583
Well, I wanted to date them,
but I'm just a kid.
390
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:47,293
And after all,
391
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,211
I was afraid they wouldn't
take me seriously.
392
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,756
Isn't he precious?
393
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,636
So how come you
showed up this time?
394
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:57,970
Well, I thought
it might be easier with her
395
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,597
since there's only one star by her name.
396
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,434
What?
397
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:04,977
The first star's free.
398
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,437
You got to earn the rest.
399
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:09,940
You know, what you just did
was very serious. It's not funny.
400
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,610
Sorry. It's just that,
401
00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:14,862
well, I've just always wanted
to be a Sam Malone.
402
00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:16,656
Oh, yeah?
403
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,200
What, you want to be a ball player?
404
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,118
No, I want to be a babe hound.
405
00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:22,912
You play ball?
406
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,876
You know, you want to be a babe hound,
you're going at this all wrong.
407
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,461
- I am?
- Yeah.
408
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:33,381
You don't start out
a full-blown babe hound.
409
00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:36,092
You got to start out as a babe pup.
410
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:37,677
Now...
411
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,637
There have got to be girls your age
412
00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:42,807
running around that school
that you can call. Huh?
413
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,684
I guess you're right, Mr. Malone.
414
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,936
And, listen, I'm sorry I didn't
return your book
415
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:48,479
when I first found it, sir.
416
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:49,730
Oh, that's no problem.
417
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:52,149
Look, tell you what
I'm going to do here.
418
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,276
I'm going to give you $25.
419
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:57,238
Why don't you go off
and get a decent haircut, huh?
420
00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:58,781
And don't forget.
421
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:00,700
Tip the shampoo girl.
422
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,076
Hey, thanks.
423
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,412
Yeah, fine.
Get out of here now.
424
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,582
Makes me feel kind of good
425
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,042
to turn a kid like that around.
426
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:14,338
Yep, you're a regular
Father Flanagan.
427
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,925
Well, you know what I always say,
there are no bad boys,
428
00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:19,844
just boys with bad haircuts.
429
00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:24,849
Hey.
430
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,476
- Alex Trebek.
- Hello.
431
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:29,395
Hi, I've seen you on Jeopardy!
432
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,021
You're even cuter in person.
433
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,148
Oh, thank you very much.
434
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,024
- Hey, can I ask you a question?
- Sure.
435
00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:37,194
Do all you popular game show hosts
know each other?
436
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:39,363
Oh, I see what you're getting at.
437
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:42,867
The answer is, no, I don't know
Vanna White all that well.
438
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:45,619
Good. Then you'll believe me
439
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:48,539
when I tell you that I'm better
than her in bed.
440
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:53,085
Will you excuse me?
441
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:59,091
Hey, I can turn over letters
you've never seen before.
442
00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:05,347
Mr. Trebek.
443
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:08,142
Hello, Cliff. Hey, listen, I'm very sorry
444
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,352
about what happened to you
on our program this afternoon.
445
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:14,064
Oh, so you'd admit you that you were
out of line by telling me I was wrong?
446
00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:16,275
Well, I wouldn't go quite that far.
447
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:20,029
The fact is that a case could be
made for your point of view.
448
00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:23,073
I think the problem for us
was in the way we phrased our answer.
449
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,075
It allowed for more
than one possible question.
450
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:27,536
Yeah, see, see?
So you got my 44,000 bucks?
451
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:29,371
No, no, I don't.
452
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:31,665
Ah. Well, then you're probably
going to have me back
453
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:33,125
as a returning contestant then, right?
454
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:35,211
No, we're not going to do that, either.
455
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:37,004
I know this isn't
what you want to hear,
456
00:21:37,171 --> 00:21:40,090
but believe me, we're as upset about
what happened as you are.
457
00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:41,509
You know, it's a funny thing.
458
00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:43,469
You spend years hosting a show,
459
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,638
and you get into
the habit of thinking
460
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:48,265
there's just one correct question
for every answer.
461
00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,643
But life doesn't always
work out that way.
462
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,311
The world is much more complex.
463
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:54,396
And you discover that there are
464
00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:56,440
many different ways
of looking at the universe.
465
00:21:56,607 --> 00:21:59,276
Yeah, so what are you going to do?
466
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:02,279
I think I'm going to quit my job
as host of Jeopardy!
467
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,200
Maybe spend a little time in Tibet.
468
00:22:07,952 --> 00:22:10,246
Aw, no. Alex, look.
Alex, sit down here.
469
00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:12,706
I mean, you don't know
what you're saying.
470
00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:15,251
Well, now, wait a minute,
how can I go on hosting the program
471
00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:17,253
if I'm filled with all these doubts?
472
00:22:18,671 --> 00:22:19,672
All right, Alex.
473
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:21,924
Think about what Jeopardy!
474
00:22:22,091 --> 00:22:23,342
Means to America.
475
00:22:24,969 --> 00:22:27,221
Now, it's more than
just a game show.
476
00:22:27,388 --> 00:22:30,349
I mean, it-- it's as much
477
00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:32,726
a part of the national fabric
478
00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:35,729
as the postal uniform
that I wear with pride every single day.
479
00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:39,859
So you think I should
stay as the host of Jeopardy!
480
00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:42,111
Absolutely.
481
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,196
And you won't bear me
any ill will if I do?
482
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:46,532
Oh, bite your tongue.
483
00:22:47,491 --> 00:22:48,576
All right. It's settled.
484
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,327
I'm going to stay on
as the host of Jeopardy!
485
00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:52,162
Oh, thank goodness, Alex.
486
00:22:52,329 --> 00:22:54,957
Hey. Hey. Hey,
you hear that, everybody?
487
00:22:56,417 --> 00:22:57,501
I saved Jeopardy!
488
00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:00,880
I'm going to call Ma.
She'll get a big kick out of this.
489
00:23:02,965 --> 00:23:03,966
- Alex.
- Yeah.
490
00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:05,843
That's all right.
You're a regular guy,
491
00:23:06,010 --> 00:23:08,637
coming in here to make Cliff feel better.
That's great.
492
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:10,931
I just came in here for a beer,
but I saw Cliff,
493
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:12,266
and I figured I'd better
say something,
494
00:23:12,433 --> 00:23:14,101
so I made up that story
about quitting.
495
00:23:14,935 --> 00:23:16,020
He scares me.
496
00:23:20,107 --> 00:23:22,234
You, too, huh?