Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience.
Hello.
So... how's the little Dr. Crane?
Getting cuter every moment.
I have baby pictures.
Who wants to see them first?
Well, listen, fellas, there's no need to fight over these.
I mean, I got double prints.
All right, now...
who do you think he looks most like...
me or Lilith?
Kind of hard to tell.
Well, here, let me make it easier for you.
I just happen to have
newborn photos of myself and his mother.
Gee, would you look at this.
Three days old and Lilith already had her hair back in a bun.
I think the kid looks like his mom, Fras.
Yeah, I do, too.
And I mean that. It's not just a shot.
I suppose that's only fair.
I mean, after all, she did carry Frederick for nine months.
What will I do?
In my household, the hard part.
Uh-oh. Blonde at 2:00, blonde at 4:00,
blonde at 6:00.
What are you talking about? She hasn't even moved.
I know. I'm just trying to fit her into my schedule here.
Here. Hold that, will you?
Hello. Michele? Hi. It's Sam Malone. Here.
Listen, Sweetheart, I'm not gonna be able to make it tonight.
Aw, I'm sorry.
But, hey, sweetheart, you'll have another birthday next year.
Hi there.
Can I take your order?
I'll have a glass of Chablis.
Terrific. What can I get you for dinner?
You serve food here?
No.
Oh, lord.
I'm really not interested.
- Can I ask why? - You really want to know?
One Chablis coming up.
I already dialed, Sam.
Thank you, Woody.
Hey, Michele, good news.
I'd say, uh, got to be "Little Deuce Coupe."
You're crazy.
What?
"409."
"Little cobra", "Little cobra."
Now what mindless subject are you beating to a slow, lingering death?
What's the best car?
No, no. What's the best car song?
"GTO."
You hear them lyrics, boy, you're burning rubber!
Hey, everybody.
Robin is back in town,
and tonight he is mine.
So would you like to know
where we are going and you're not?
My house?
Carl Yastrzemski's testimonial dinner.
All the old Red Sox All-Stars are gonna be there.
Oh, boy, I would've loved to have gone to that.
Well, hell, maybe I'll just show up and surprise the guys.
I mean, why shouldn't I?
It's $1,000 a plate.
Give my best to Yaz.
Who cares about Yaz?
This could be the night.
I'm so excited to be alone with Robin after the dinner.
Yeah? For 1,000 bucks a plate, you should give it to him during dinner.
I am the luckiest woman in the world
to be dating such an influential, rich man.
You still don't get it, do you, Rebecca?
The measure of a man's wealth is what he carries with him.
What he has in his soul.
So you wouldn't switch places with Robin Colcord?
Are you kidding? I'd switch places with his socks.
Cheers.
Oh, hi, Mr. Colcord.
Listen, can I make a suggestion?
I know you're going to this $1,000-a-plate dinner tonight
and I'm sure you're gonna have a great time,
you know, but, they have these entertainment books now
where you buy one dinner and get the next free.
Woody, I'll take it in my office.
It's for Sam, Miss Howe.
Sam?
Mr. Colcord?
Oh, you're kidding me.
Well, yeah. It sounds great.
I'll see you then. Yeah.
You want to speak to Rebecca?
I don't blame you.
What was all that?
It seems that Robin would like to chat with Carl Yastrzemski,
but since he knows jack about baseball,
he decided to invite old Mayday along to come to dinner with you
so I can translate.
What? Sam, and you accepted?
You know this is the first time I've been alone with Robin in a month.
I'm not gonna be in your way, honey.
I'm gonna be too busy hobnobbing with my buddies,
rubbing their noses in the fact that I'm going around with Robin Colcord.
Really stick it to them,
make them feel two feet high.
I miss those guys.
Man, you are going to ruin everything.
What ruin? It's gonna save you from having to come up with another excuse
not to go to bed with the guy.
What makes you think I'm not gonna go to bed with the guy?
Well, honey, you see the sun come up
every morning for 30, 40 years, after a while, you start to trust it.
Hey, I bet Michele will be really impressed
to find out she's spending her birthday with Robin Colcord.
Robin Colcord? I'd be impressed.
Woody. You know the number.
Damn that Robin Colcord,
changing plans like that at the last minute.
You know, just because that guy's got a couple of buck in his pocket,
well, he thinks he can shuttle people around like cattle.
Moo-ve along, Bossy. It's milking time.
Michele... Michele, sweetheart, listen, uh,
I hate to do this to you, but I'm gonna have to call it off again.
Well, maybe next weekend, huh?
Okay. Bye-bye, honey.
Thanks.
Boy, you know, too bad you and I didn't hit it off.
I just got invited to the Carl Yastrzemski dinner
with Robin Colcord.
- Really? - Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, we'll be going over in Robin Colcord's stretch limo.
Then, uh, Robin Colcord
will be treating us to a $1,000 plate,
which we will be eating sitting next to Robin Colcord.
And then, you know, maybe we'll go out for ice cream later
with Sam Malone.
- Who's that? - A friend of Robin Colcord's.
Come on. What do you say?
Well, I'm still not sure I believe you,
- but I'll take my chances. - All right.
Great. See you back here, what, at 7:30.
- I'll be here. - All right.
It's ringing, Sam.
I don't need it this time. Thanks, Woody.
Oh, hello. Michele?
Yeah, I just wanted to tell you that Sam still can't make it.
Me?
Oh, I'm about 6 feet, blond hair, early 20s.
A little party?
Sure. I love birthday cake.
Is it okay if I bring my girlfriend?
Hello?
It's a quarter to nine. That's it.
I am out of here.
Hey, come on, Laura, Colcord will be here.
Maybe he's confused.
You know, maybe he's still on Swedish time.
What's that? You say you're a member of the Nazi party?
Well, forget it, babe. I draw the line.
Whew. Narrow escape, guys. Did you see that?
- Where is he? Where in the hell is he? - You think you got a beef.
I just had to dump my date for political reasons.
You know, that guy leaves me for four or five weeks at a time,
and then when I do have a date with him, he's an hour and a half late.
What, like there's no phones? He can't give me call?
I'm getting sick of this. I don't know why I put up with it.
Rebecca, don't you remember? You're a gold-digger.
Well, I'm tired of wasting my time and cleavage on him.
Chop chop, everyone. Let's go.
Excuse me?
Some of us were ready to chop chop an hour and a half ago.
Rebecca, you look lovely.
I looked lovelier an hour and a half ago.
Well, darling, we all age, you know.
- Sam, you coming? - Actually I think I'm gonna take a cab.
My date fell through at the last minute, and I feel a little awkward.
You know what they say, three in a limo...
Well, actually, there will be four of us. That's including my driver, Miles.
Great. I'll look like I'm dating the chauffeur.
- Listen, I mean, I like Miles... - Yes, well, he likes you, too, Sam.
Well, then I'm definitely taking a cab.
I'll meet you there.
Sam, I need you to brief me in advance about this baseball thing.
Now, look, I'll give you a consultation fee of $1,000.
What kind of flowers do you think Miles would like?
- All right. Keystone sack. - Second base.
- Hot corner. - Third base.
- dinger? - Home run.
- Tater. - Home run.
- He's good, isn't he? - Yes, he's wonderful.
We shouldn't go anywhere without him... ever.
- Do I detect an attitude? - An attitude?
Listen, when we meet Yastrzemski, we all just call him Yaz.
You know, actually, Robin, this is like my dream date.
I hope we spend the rest of the night talking about how many taters Yaz has hit.
Rebecca, if there is something bothering you, we can discuss it later.
So how many taters did Yaz hit?
- Oh, uh... - Later? Later? You mean, like when we're alone?
I don't think that's--
Anyway, Rebecca, if there's something bothering you,
- why don't you come straight out and say it. - Robin,
if you can't figure it out, I'm really not gonna tell you.
- Oh, God, that is so female. - Don't ever say that to a woman,
- you big jerk! - Little shrew.
Shut up.
Fine.
I don't know the exact number of taters Yaz hit, but I know it was a lot.
Hey, you know what we need here?
We need a little champagne.
All right, I tell you, Robin, baseball-- it's the greatest game.
You know, the only problem I see
is in the pension system.
Where's the security for a marginal player?
Oh. Hey, this is very nice champagne.
Yeah, nice and bubbly.
Not like the kind of stuff
we used to pour over Yaz's head
after he hit a game-winning tater.
Oh, my God.
Oh, Sam, you're still here.
I feel like I shouldn't be.
Well, we'd appreciate that, Sam. Miles, would you stop the car?
W-What are you doing?
Guys, come on.
This is kind of a bad neighborhood.
There's no such thing as a bad neighborhood, Sam.
It's just a pre-redevelopment.
Hey, is that car on fire over there?
Oh!
Hey, wait. Where's my coat?
What about my 1,000 bucks?
Oh, great. Just great.
As if they're gonna do anything.
How was dinner last night?
I didn't actually make it to the dinner.
Rebecca and Robin started making out in the back of the limo,
so I offered to do the gentlemanly thing.
- What's that? - Let them dump me out on the railroad tracks.
Oh, man, that Colcord is a real jerk.
Yeah, he just pulled over and let me out.
He stopped the car?
So what are you whining about?
They take off with my wallet and my coat
and I'm out there in my tux freezing my tail off.
I tell you, I'd still be there if it weren't for those timely skinheads.
I think I got something. ls my head hot?
No, what else you got?
So, uh, Sammy, do you think they did the, uh, deed?
Are you kidding me? Rebecca?
I ended up with a pant full of slush.
And I guarantee I had a warmer evening than Colcord did.
Hello, everyone.
It's such a beautiful day, I thought I'd walk to work.
There you are, Sam.
I told you you'd make it home fine.
You're a clever boy.
- Come here. - What?
Come here.
What are you looking at?
Oh, my God.
You went to bed with him.
All right!
- Whoo! - Hey, hey!
Hey, Woody, check the pool. Anybody have this month?
All right, let's see.
Closest we got here is August 1992.
Lilith Sternin Crane.
I'll take that. Not a word to Lilith.
Oh, you wacky barflies.
So, was it good?
Oh, very good.
"Very good"--
Norm, Ken, David, and Cliff's mom.
Just so you guys know, I really don't care if everybody knows.
Is it okay if we post the results in the window?
Do you really think passers by on the street would be interested?
Well, enough of them asked.
You really did it. I can't believe it.
I never thought I'd see the day.
First the Berlin wall, and now this.
What was it, was it the champagne?
No, it was a double bacon chili burger from Little Wally's.
Hey, now, wait a second.
He took you to Little Wally's Pup-N-Burger?
You know the place?
Know it? I plan to be buried there.
Seriously. I've bought myself a plot
right under the big plastic Little Wally.
I've got to tell you it was so wonderful.
You know, first, I thought it was sort of a low-down, dirty place.
Then I realized it was a low-down, dirty place.
Little Wally knows his clientele.
Yeah. So you greased up.
Now, give us some details.
What can I tell you?
Oh yeah, I told him the biggest secret of my life.
What?
I told him about
"You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling", by The Righteous Brothers,
and what that song does to me.
Right, you know what he did?
He called this radio station he owns,
and he had them play it all night.
I heard that. I thought that was the long version.
Anyway, all I know is it was the best evening
of my entire life.
Well, enjoy it while you can.
What is that supposed to mean?
Aw, honey, am I gonna have to explain men and women to you
all over again?
If she doesn't want to hear it, we do.
Honey, a guy like Colcord,
all you are to him is a conquest and a challenge.
Now that he's had his fun,
you'll be lucky if you get a hello and a doughnut.
- Really? - Yeah. Really.
Can I help you?
Yeah, Rebecca Howe?
Me.
Rebecca, this is from Robin Colcord.
You never close your eyes anymore...
Oh, my gosh!
It's Bill Medley from The Righteous Brothers.
I mean, I knew Robin knew him.
And I hoped that one day I would meet him.
But I never knew he'd fly him all the way to Boston
to sing this song to me.
It's Bill Medley. Bill Medley!
Excuse me.
Would you knock it off?
Somebody in the bar might want to hear this.
You've lost that lovin' feelin'...
Admit it, Sam.
He went to the expense of flying one of The Righteous Brothers out here
just to sing her a song. He's got to be serious.
It's petty cash to a guy like Colcord.
I don't know. He's got her out on a boat now.
What about that?
I know why. He's taking her out there to dump her--
A quick burial at sea.
Trust me, she's probably swimming back now,
a little wetter but wiser.
He did it.
He said it.
Those three little words.
"Walk the plank."
No, Sam.
I...
Love...
You.
Woody, does anybody have "I love you"?
Closest we got here is, "I'll respect you in the morning", Cliff Clavin.
I'm just so happy.
All I want to do is celebrate.
Come on, you guys, you're my pals. Come on, let's go have fun.
I don't know. We're really kind of settled in here for the evening.
Little Wally's Pup-N-Burger.
I'm there.
Alrighty, come on, Sammy. It'll be a lot more fun
than that red Sox dinner would have been.
And it won't cost $1,000 a plate.
Little Wally's doesn't have plates.
They just serve on those wax paper things.
You can scratch your initials in with your fingernails
and if Little Wally's in a good mood, you can scratch your initials in him.
Sam, come on. Aren't you coming?
Ah, no. I better watch the bar here.
But Carla's here, and Woody's here.
Yeah, I know. I should stay, though.
Somebody mixed some filberts in with the walnuts,
and I have to straighten it out.
Sam?
Yeah.
What's the matter? Something wrong?
Are you disappointed?
Why would I be disappointed?
Well, I guess I kind of thought you wanted me.
What would give you that idea?
I don't know. A guy hits on you every day
for 3 or 4 years,
you kind of start to trust it.
All right. Yeah. Maybe I am disappointed.
I thought we'd be cool together.
You know, go out for a while, do stuff.
Ah, but what the hell, you know?
We'd probably end up not liking each other's stuff.
You'd have to do my stuff for a while
And I'd do your stuff,
and our stuff would get all mixed up.
It saves us a lot of aggravation.
Yeah.
I'm very happy for you.
Thanks.
- Let's go eat. - Okay.
- Do me one favor, though, will you? - Sure. What is it?
Go to bed with me.
Oh, Sam, you never stop.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's in my genes.
And that's where it's going to stay.
Hey, where did everybody go?
Rebecca took some of the guys out to dinner.
Oh, great. They're all off at dinner
having a good time, and I'm stuck here
with my Little Wally burger.
Oh, no. They screwed my order up again.
Last time, they forgot the tomato.
This time, they forgot the tomato, lettuce, hamburger, and the bun.
So what have I got? Nothing.
Well, Rebecca knows how to throw a party.
This has to be my favorite restaurant in the whole city.
Come on, I thought you said the Hungry Heifer was your favorite.
Sure, you got folks from out of town or something,
you want to impress them,
you want to sit down, maybe, yeah.
But if you just want to power down animal fat,
then Wally's rules.
Well, all I know is that I'm stuffed, and I couldn't eat another bite.
I could use a little something to settle the old stomach.
What are you talking about there?
Go back to Cheers.
Care for that idea?
Sure. Sure.
So, you know, how come I only got to eat one burger?
'Cause you're the designated driver.
Good night!
Bye bye. Thanks for coming.
Oh, Sam. isn't this a beautiful night?
Yeah, especially love the way the neon light
shows up that grease stain on your blouse.
There is a grease stain.
Well, I'm gonna leave it there
'cause it will remind me of this place for the rest of my life.
That's stupid, isn't it?
I'm gonna go inside and clean it off.
Sam, I know that this
probably looks like some dive to you,
but tonight, to me,
it looks like the most wonderful place in the world.
This is where I found out that I was Robin Colcord's...
one and only.
I'll be right back.
Don't take too long.
I won't.
This place is nice?
Yes. I bring a lot of people here. You'll love it.
Hi, Sam.
Hello.