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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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Hey, aren't you Phil,
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the tire distributor
from Rhode island?
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Look, lady, if you've got
problems with your wheels,
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talk to your dealer.
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No. I'm Carla.
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Remember? We went out
a couple of times.
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It must've been years ago.
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I'm sorry. I don't remember.
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Yeah. I guess it's been a while.
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You were still pushing whitewalls.
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Maybe this will jog
your memory.
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Art's Hideaway Adult Motel?
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I'm sorry.
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Look, in the tire game,
you meet a lot of women.
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Yeah, but you can't have forgotten.
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Mirror on the ceiling?
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No.
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Vibrating bed?
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Latin love basket?
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The trick with the tie?
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That was you?
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Yeah.
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Oh, God, that was one steamy night,
wasn't it, Phil?
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Oh, God, I'll say.
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Yeah.
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Hey, look, um, I got
a few hours to kill.
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Why don't we hit old Art's
for a little reunion?
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Hey, what kind of girl
do you think I am?!
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I am a widow!
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Get outta here, you pig!
You make me sick!
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Brother.
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I work for the stupidest
corporation in America.
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You'd have to.
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What's the matter, sweetheart?
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All right. Get this.
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One of their restaurants,
some hick dive in Texas,
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specializing in fillet aux armadillo,
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has gone belly-up,
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so they want to stick us
with the one piece of equipment
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that they couldn't seem
to liquidate.
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Oh, I hope it's
a mesquite grill.
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Then I could make
a mess of Aunt Lou's baby back ribs.
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It is not
a mesquite grill, Woody.
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It's a mechanical bull.
46
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Well...it's just as well.
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Aunt Lou's ribs
weren't all that good.
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Come to think of it,
she choked on one of them.
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Just her luck, it was a week before
the Heimlich maneuver came out.
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Well, I have to say,
those mechanical bulls
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are the most useless
thing ever put in a bar.
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Now, now, Norm.
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Okay. Present company excepted, okay?
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Thank you, Norm.
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You know, I don't know.
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I think there may be a place
for a mechanical bull
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in our recreational
schemata.
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It does, after all,
provide modern man
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with a socially acceptable release
for sexual tension and frustration.
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Riding one of those bulls
can do that, Frase?
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Oh, hell, no,
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but catch a well-built
young woman sometime
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bouncing around on the back
of one, though. Whew!
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Get along, little doggy.
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Hey, Sam, which tie do you
think I should wear?
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And, before you judge,
this one lights up.
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You got batteries for that one?
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No.
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Oh. go with that one, then.
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Thanks, man.
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You know, I can't afford to
make a mistake here.
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Kelly's mom just flew in
this afternoon,
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and Kelly's bringing her by
to meet me.
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It's crucial that I make
a good impression.
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Wait a second. I thought you
knew her mom.
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No. They're divorced.
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In fact, Kelly's mom
is the only member of her family
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who I haven't met.
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Yeah, God. She's my last hope.
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You're telling me that not one member
of that family likes you?
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Well, there's her Aunt Martha.
She likes me.
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There you go.
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But, she also thinks she's Eleanor Roosevelt.
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But if you get past that, she's pretty nice,
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what with all her charity work.
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Woody, it doesn't make any difference
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what kind of tie you wear.
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When it comes to mothers,
it's what you got underneath that counts.
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Oh, well, I'm wearing clean shorts, Sam.
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Oh, good. He understands.
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Woody, listen to me.
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The important thing is what kind of
person you are,
93
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and you are a very nice person.
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Moms do not judge how you look.
95
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Oh, here they are now.
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Uh-oh.
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That mom looks like she's got taste.
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You're on your own, man.
99
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I'll try to stall them.
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Do-- do? Well, never mind.
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Hi, Kelly. How are you?
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Nice to see you again.
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Nice to see you, too.
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Sam Malone, I'd like you
to meet my mom.
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Oh, and I'd love to meet her
sometime myself.
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Who's this, your sister?
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Sam, this is my mom.
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That was a tired, old line, Mr. Malone.
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You're right. I'm sorry.
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No. it still works.
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Well, you know, the classics,
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timeless.
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Hi, Kelly.
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- I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
- Nice to meet you.
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Yeah, I was just having trouble
tying this tie.
116
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Is my face getting purple?
117
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No, Woody. You look nice,
but are you okay?
118
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You seem a little uncomfortable.
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Well, yeah. It's, uh, brand-new underwear.
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I don't think I got
all the stickers off.
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Woody, this is my mother Mrs. Gaines.
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Mother, this is Woody.
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Hi. I'm Woody.
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Then I must be Mrs. Gaines.
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Oh, hi. I'm Woody.
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Listen, to tell you the truth, Mrs. Gaines,
I was real nervous about meeting you.
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Oh! Whatever for?
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Well, you know, it's just that the rest of
Kelly's family hates me.
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It's probably because I'm a bartender
with no real future.
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Just a poor country bumpkin
who's dumber than cotton.
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Woody, I think you're a very
nice young man.
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Really? Then forget all
that bad stuff I said.
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Now, Woody, Kelly tells me you're resistant
to coming to her sister's wedding this weekend.
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Mom, Woody's self-conscious.
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He always feels
that he sticks out like a sore thumb
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and makes a fool out of himself.
137
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Why is that, Woody?
138
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Well, there has been
a precedent set.
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Although I think your gazebo
would've burned down
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whether I'd been there or not.
141
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:00,503
Well, Woody, we'd all like you to be there.
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00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,839
In fact, you're invited to
the rehearsal dinner, as well.
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00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:05,216
Saturday night, 7:00,
Kelly's father's house.
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00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:06,843
You've met Mr. Gaines,
haven't you?
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Met him? Heck,
I almost broke his big toe.
146
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,641
Woody, you didn't know
Daddy was standing behind us
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when you pulled the van out.
148
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Well, yeah, I did.
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I just thought he took a smaller shoe.
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00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:21,942
Well, we're looking
forward to seeing you.
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00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,403
Now come, Kelly, dear.
We have to do something about those nut cups,
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and you know that could take all afternoon.
153
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:29,616
Mother, I'm still favoring Jordan almonds.
154
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Who raised you?
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00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:34,871
I almost forgot. Sam.
156
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:35,956
Yeah?
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You're invited to come Saturday, too.
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00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,210
After all, you're almost a member
of the family.
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00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,837
Mother, Sam was the one
who introduced Woody and me.
160
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Actually, no, I didn't.
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- You didn't?
- No.
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Gee, it would be rude
to Uninvite you now,
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00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,305
so I... I guess we're stuck.
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Well, we'll see you.
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Come on, you cowboys!
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00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:06,277
As long as that dumb thing's
set up back there anyway,
167
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don't you wanna prove
how macho you are by climbing aboard?
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Come on, Rebecca!
169
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We do not need a mechanical bull
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to prove how macho we are.
171
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We are just as much men
sitting right here on this bar stool,
172
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,500
which, by the way,
needs to be repadded.
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My tush hurts. Really.
174
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:24,921
Face it, Rebecca.
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This dump is filled
with wussy wimps.
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You just hold on there
right now, Carla.
177
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,930
I, for one, have a very good reason
for not riding on that bull.
178
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Right. He's afraid his keys are gonna
fly out of his pocket.
179
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,311
Oh, yeah? You guys can go ahead
and make fun and all,
180
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:43,773
but you get on that thing,
the keys fly out of your pocket,
181
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,025
hits you in the eye.
182
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,610
You'll never enjoy
a view master again I'll tell you.
183
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Baloney, Clavin.
You're just a chicken.
184
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All right!
185
00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:59,622
All right. Keep your corns on.
186
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:02,250
I'm the only guy in this
waterin' hole, obviously,
187
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,795
who is man enough to take
on that mechanical beast.
188
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:08,173
Normie, watch my keys, will ya?
Safety first.
189
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:09,966
What are friends for, Cliff?
190
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,137
Well, I just got an idea
191
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,347
for a little practical joke on Cliff ie.
192
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:17,682
What's that?
193
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,059
What do you say we move his car.
194
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,769
He'll think it's stolen.
195
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,188
Okay, where do you want
to move it to?
196
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,065
New Hampshire.
197
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,817
Come on. Follow me in your car
and drive me home.
198
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,695
Guys, hurry up.
199
00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:33,782
Cliff's strapped himself on the bull.
It's bucking so hard, he can't get off.
200
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:35,075
How the hell did that happen?
201
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,534
Come on, Norm, you know Cliff.
202
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,037
He insisted we start it on
the highest level.
203
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:40,413
Cliff insisted on that?
204
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,292
Well, someone insisted.
Let's not split hairs.
205
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,971
Oh, Woody,
can you believe it?
206
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,390
This is the first time
I've seen my parents together
207
00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:01,601
since they split up
when I was a little girl.
208
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,686
I bet that was real tough on you.
209
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,981
Yeah. Sometimes I think
that's why I'm so cynical.
210
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:10,735
I like the fact that
you're hard-boiled.
211
00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:12,987
I think that's what gives us our chemistry.
212
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,573
Thanks, sweetie.
213
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:18,743
I tell you, Mr. Gaines.
214
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:21,913
I'd sure like to live in a place like this.
215
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,082
Yes, a home in
the suburbs is nice.
216
00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:25,834
No, I mean this room.
217
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:31,131
Well, Mr. Malone,
you've gotten tiresome.
218
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,715
I'm going to stand over there now.
219
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,599
Hey, Sam, you know, I was looking in
the dining room earlier.
220
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:44,811
Why the heck do they have two forks
at everybody's place?
221
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,355
Well, now, Woody,
that's 'cause, uh...
222
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:49,983
if you drop one,
you got yourself a spare.
223
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:54,654
Well, that makes sense,
but why is one smaller than the other?
224
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,406
Well, that's in case
you drop that one, too,
225
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,074
it won't make as much noise.
226
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,828
Woody,
could you come here?
227
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,663
My cousin Patsy
wants to say hello.
228
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,290
Do I know her?
229
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:09,377
Yeah, you remember. She was
in the gazebo, but she's okay now.
230
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:13,673
I'm telling you, boys,
we can't miss.
231
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,301
I got it straight
from the CEO's secretary.
232
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,178
We buy Osher Electronics ASAP,
233
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,888
we triple our money by Wednesday.
234
00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:22,807
Excuse me, I couldn't help overhearing.
235
00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:24,058
Yeah, why is that?
236
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:26,477
Well, I was eavesdropping.
237
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,271
Sam Malone.
238
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,815
Conrad Langston, and these are the boys.
239
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,025
How are you?
240
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,819
So you boys are onto a sure thing?
241
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:37,906
Well, Sam, on Wall Street,
there is no 100%.
242
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:40,283
But, uh... like I always say,
243
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,327
if there's no risk, then where's the fun?
244
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:43,286
Well, that's funny.
245
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:46,247
I always say, if there are no women,
where's the fun?
246
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,541
But then again, we're on your turf here.
247
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:50,919
So, Sam, are you interested in buying in?
248
00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:52,253
As a matter of fact,
249
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:56,716
I have about $500 just burning a hole
in my checking account.
250
00:11:57,675 --> 00:12:01,179
Well, Sam, you know,
the shares are $1,000 each.
251
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:04,349
Well, I hate to hog a whole share
by myself.
252
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,478
Anyone want to go half sies?
253
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,690
All right, $1,000 it is.
254
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:15,568
I'll just have to tighten my belt
a little bit...
255
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,320
Or eat it.
256
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:19,864
Welcome aboard, Sam.
257
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,074
I'll go call this in for you.
258
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,284
- Yeah.
- Come on, boys.
259
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,870
See you later, boys.
260
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,455
The boys.
261
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,500
Ladies and gentlemen,
262
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:32,877
hors d'oeuvres
are being served in the salon.
263
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,879
Oh, food on a stick.
Man, I'm starved.
264
00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:36,756
Are you enjoying yourself, Woody?
265
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,132
Oh, yes, ma'am.
266
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,552
You know, you're nice, Woody.
267
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:44,514
You're not the type of boy
Kelly usually dates.
268
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:47,642
Of course,
you're not as well-bred as they are,
269
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,727
but I'm delighted with her choice
in you.
270
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,397
Well. imagine how proud I feel.
271
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:56,401
Although I wonder if perhaps Kelly's
a little young for you.
272
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,528
Well, yeah, she is a little young,
273
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,738
but luckily I'm real immature.
274
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:04,284
Actually, I was thinking you might
have the maturity
275
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,911
to appreciate older women,
like myself.
276
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,746
I don't think of you as old.
277
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:09,956
Why, thank you.
278
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:13,001
I just think of you as the woman
who gave birth to my girlfriend.
279
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,336
How sweet.
280
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:19,215
Woody, Kelly tells me
you're very concerned
281
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:21,092
whether or not I will like you.
282
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:26,264
Well, yeah, you are kind of my last hope
in the family.
283
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:30,018
Do you... like me?
284
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,612
Yes, I do!
285
00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:51,831
Mrs. Gaines!
286
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,834
Jiminy cricket!
Criminy's sake!
287
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,919
I don't mean to use foul language, Mrs. Gaines,
288
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,380
but, I mean,
you've really upset my apple cart.
289
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,134
Photo opportunity.
290
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:05,595
Before we sit down to eat,
291
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:08,473
what say we get one
nice big group shot?
292
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:11,601
How are you doing?
293
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,519
Oh, fine, fine. Listen,
294
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,396
you're probably wondering why
I've got lipstick on.
295
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,273
You're probably thinking
it's something strange,
296
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,691
but it's not what you think.
297
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:22,195
Mrs. Gaines was just helping me
see what I'd look like as a woman.
298
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,656
Ever done any modeling?
299
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:26,991
Woody?
300
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:32,663
You stand over here,
right in front of me.
301
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,249
All right, everyone. Straight ahead.
302
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:36,834
One... two...
303
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,503
Whoop!
304
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,588
Something wrong, Woody?
305
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:43,383
No, no. It's just where I come from,
306
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:46,427
everybody goes "whoop!"
before they take a picture.
307
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:47,887
Everybody.
308
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:48,888
One...
309
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:49,889
two...
310
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:50,890
three.
311
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,517
- Whoop!
- Whoop!
312
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:58,314
What say we all adjourn
to the dining room?
313
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,777
You, I'll see inside.
314
00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:08,282
Hey, Sam, can I ask you something?
315
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:09,867
What, another etiquette question?
316
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,120
Yeah. Last one.
317
00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:15,123
What do I do if Kelly's mom tries
to go to bed with me?
318
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:18,126
Kelly's mom? I'm shocked.
319
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,294
And more than a little impressed.
320
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:24,590
She got me alone. She said she wanted
to get to know me.
321
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,759
And then she gave me a kiss.
322
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:30,179
Well, maybe she's just being,
you know, motherly.
323
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:32,348
Sam, she pinched my...
324
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,350
Back pocket.
325
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,145
Well, now, in certain parts of Europe,
326
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:38,771
that's considered a sign of respect.
327
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:39,981
I think you'd like Europe, actually.
328
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,524
Sam, come on, man.
329
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:45,027
Well, all right,
here's a simple rule I live my life by.
330
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,655
Ignore the problem. It will go away.
331
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:52,368
Yeah, ignore it.
That's bound to work.
332
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:54,537
Gentlemen, won't you join us?
333
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:55,830
Yes, thank you very much.
334
00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:56,873
And, Woody dear,
335
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,833
you'll be sitting on my right hand.
336
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,336
Were you born in Europe,
Mrs. Gaines?
337
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,224
So, Frase, how's Cliff's blood pressure?
338
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,393
Well, the way his arms
are flailing about,
339
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,479
I couldn't get close enough to check it.
340
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:22,315
I'd say by the way
he's been bellowing all afternoon,
341
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,900
he's still alive.
342
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,651
How do you like that?
343
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,613
For once, the bull
is throwing Clavin around.
344
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,741
Ma'am, I'm sorry,
345
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,910
but there isn't
much more we can do.
346
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:36,704
Can't you just pull the plug
or something?
347
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:38,956
You got that bull butted right up
against the plug.
348
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:42,210
Besides, if we did kill the power,
the bull would stop too abruptly.
349
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:43,836
It might send that mailman
right through the wall.
350
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,838
Tell me when the lights go out!
351
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,007
Carla, get away from that fuse box!
352
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:02,396
Did you know that when I was your age,
I used to be a dancer.
353
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,065
Oh, really, Mrs. Gaines?
354
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:05,525
Oh, yes.
355
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,486
You don't get thighs like these
from cracking coconuts.
356
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,825
I'm allergic to coconuts.
357
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:17,954
Well, maybe you just
haven't had them husked in the right manner.
358
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:23,960
If you'll excuse me, Mrs. Gaines,
I'm having trouble swallowing.
359
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,962
Well, boys, guess what?
360
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,506
Our stock deal happened
just like we knew it would.
361
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:31,592
- All right!
- How about that!
362
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,593
That's great.
363
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:36,597
Sam, you didn't invest any money
with Conrad and the guys, did you?
364
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,349
I sure did. A bundle!
365
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,142
Oh-ho-ho-ho, Sam.
366
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:41,394
What?
367
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,396
Maybe you should think about
taking some food home.
368
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,231
Why?
369
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:48,234
Sam, we just found out
the company falsified their profits.
370
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,153
The SEC suspended trading.
Stock's worthless.
371
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,029
What?
372
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:53,656
Sam, Connie and the guys
373
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:55,783
are known as the Hard Luck Five.
374
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:57,827
Yeah, we invest in something,
down it goes.
375
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:01,205
Say, fellas, what say we fly to Vegas
and lose some serious money, huh?
376
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:02,915
We'll bet red all night.
377
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,211
You going to finish that?
378
00:18:07,378 --> 00:18:08,254
No.
379
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,013
Mrs. Gaines, thank you for
helping me adjust my napkin,
380
00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:19,223
but it's really not necessary.
381
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:20,182
By the way,
382
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,435
I don't usually wear it
tucked in quite so far.
383
00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:29,942
Is there something about me
that makes you nervous, Woody?
384
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,069
I don't know. The things you say,
385
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,988
your hands...
386
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:36,866
your coconut-cracking thighs.
387
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,119
Then you have no problem with...
388
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,245
my feet.
389
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,456
Mrs. Gaines, stop it!
390
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,915
I'm not having sex with you!
391
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,876
I won't have sex with you!
I won't! I won't! I won't!
392
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,419
No sex! Do you hear me?
393
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:51,255
Now I want both hands and both feet
on the table right now!
394
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:10,691
Kelly, am I using
the wrong fork or something?
395
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:19,575
Somebody, get me off!
396
00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:23,371
You know, Carla,
if Cliff actually broke the world record,
397
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,164
it would be good publicity for the bar.
398
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,291
Yeah, but I can't find any record in here at all
399
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:29,585
for mechanical bull riding.
400
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:31,671
Look under "Stupidest Stunts."
401
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,593
Here it is. First page.
402
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,804
I've lost Kelly forever.
403
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:43,140
She's never gonna want to talk to me again
after what I've done.
404
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:44,975
Come on, Woody.
405
00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:47,812
Look, I'm sure lots of guys
yell out at dinner parties
406
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,730
that they won't have sex with their
girlfriends' mothers.
407
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,317
Yeah, you're probably right, Mr. Peterson,
408
00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:55,820
but that still doesn't help
ease the pain.
409
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,199
Hi, Woody.
410
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:01,867
Kelly.
411
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:03,994
Are you okay?
412
00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:07,957
I thought you'd never
want to see me again after what I did.
413
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:10,793
Well, I admit, I was a bit peeved at first,
414
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,586
but I can understand.
415
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:16,048
I'm just sorry that Mother gave you
the wrong impression.
416
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,758
What do you mean?
417
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:19,593
Woody, maybe I should have
warned you about her.
418
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,596
Mother likes to flirt.
It's all innocent fun.
419
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:24,724
She says it keeps her young.
420
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,810
You mean she was just
goofing around with me?
421
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,937
She's flirted with all my boyfriends.
422
00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:32,773
Of course nobody's been
rude about it like you.
423
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:35,484
All right, Wood. Way to go.
424
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,612
So I've blown it.
425
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:41,824
I've blown it with every single member
of your family.
426
00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:45,661
You haven't blown it
with one very important person, Woody.
427
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,455
I know.
428
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,582
Your crazy Aunt Martha.
429
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:52,626
Of course, she thinks I'm Winston Churchill.
430
00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:56,297
No, Woody, with me.
431
00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:57,631
Don't you see?
432
00:20:57,798 --> 00:20:59,759
It doesn't matter
what my family thinks.
433
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:02,470
I love you.
434
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:04,847
Besides, Mother still likes you.
435
00:21:05,014 --> 00:21:07,600
As a matter of fact,
she wanted to come here
436
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,059
and apologize in person.
437
00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:11,103
But I thought it might make you nervous,
438
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:14,023
so I had her write you a note instead.
439
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:16,358
Oh, that was real nice of her.
440
00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:19,069
Woody, I've got to run.
441
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,947
I'm just supposed to be
out for a few minutes picking up cold cuts.
442
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:24,116
It seems like a lot of food disappeared.
443
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,993
We don't know what happened.
444
00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:29,163
Good night, Sam.
445
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,792
Good night, Kelly.
446
00:21:40,216 --> 00:21:41,717
So smooth sailing, huh, Wood?
447
00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:43,302
Yeah, I am so relieved.
448
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:44,512
All right.
449
00:21:44,678 --> 00:21:46,180
I mean,
I should have known that Mrs. Gaines
450
00:21:46,347 --> 00:21:48,140
wouldn't be interested in me.
451
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,394
I should have known
that a nice classy lady like her
452
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:56,148
would never be interested
in a naive Indiana farm boy.
453
00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:58,609
Well, I have to admit
it is kind of silly, isn't it?
454
00:21:58,776 --> 00:22:00,528
Woody and Mrs. Gaines.
455
00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:03,823
That's the most ridiculous thing
I ever heard.
456
00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:06,242
Hey, man, you think that's funny?
457
00:22:06,408 --> 00:22:07,618
Wait'll you hear this.
458
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:09,537
"Dear Woody,
459
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:11,622
Kelly thinks I'm
writing you an apology.
460
00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:14,500
What I really want to
say is I ache for you,
461
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,627
my strong young coconut."
462
00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:19,713
"I live for the moment
463
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,424
when I can harvest your lusty fruit."
464
00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:25,135
"Love, Roxanne."
465
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,306
Is she a crack-up, or what?
466
00:22:31,892 --> 00:22:32,810
No! Don't leave me!
467
00:22:32,977 --> 00:22:36,146
Ma'am, a textbook rescue.
We have the walls covered with mattresses.
468
00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:37,773
All we have to do
is cut the power,
469
00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:39,692
and he'll land there safe as a baby.
470
00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:43,028
All right, let's not waste any more time.
Let's do it.
471
00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:44,572
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
472
00:22:44,738 --> 00:22:46,156
According to this book here,
473
00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:47,616
if Clavin can stay on that bull for
five more hours,
474
00:22:47,783 --> 00:22:49,577
he's gonna break the world record.
475
00:22:50,828 --> 00:22:54,957
Clavin, do you want to get off,
or do you want to be world champion?
476
00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:56,834
I want to get off!
477
00:22:57,001 --> 00:22:59,295
For the love of God, get me off!
478
00:22:59,461 --> 00:23:01,463
He's gonna go for it!
479
00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:03,299
- Yay!
- Yay!