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00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,463
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:36,031
Woody, could I have a glass of water
there, please?
3
00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:37,449
You got a headache, Mr. Clavin?
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00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:41,161
No. just trying to clear up a little rash
on my lower back.
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00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,163
Doc says it's stress-related.
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00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,873
You sure he didn't say
diaper-related?
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00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:50,420
Cliff ie, you're stressing out, huh?
What's the deal, buddy?
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00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:52,714
Ah, it's just job-related.
You know how it is.
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00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:55,008
Oh, I thought you just
delivered the mail.
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00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:01,014
Woody, Woody, Woody,
AKA Joe Public.
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00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:06,395
You have got no idea
what it's like out there in Postman's hell.
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Illegible handwriting,
parcels badly taped...
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00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:13,360
Boy, you can't even
peek in a window anymore
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00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,195
without people
going crazy on you.
15
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,240
But still, where would we all be
16
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:20,659
if your mailman
just disappeared on you?
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00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,911
Probably just all fax things.
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00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,163
That way, everything would
get there faster, cheaper,
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00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:26,707
and a lot more efficiently.
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00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,545
Some more water there, Woody.
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00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,925
Hello, fellow denizens.
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00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,802
Hey, Fras. How you doing?
23
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:41,012
Oh, my, Lilith, you look beautiful.
24
00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,181
Yeah, Lilith.
You look like a million bucks.
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00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,224
Thank you.
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00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:45,392
You didn't let me finish.
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00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,520
You look like a million bucks
just stampeded across your face.
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Carla, I hope you don't forget us
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00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,775
when you become
president of Hallmark.
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00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:57,738
All right now, everyone.
Pay attention.
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00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,489
I have a little announcement to make,
and I only have a minute.
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00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,450
- In a hurry?
- No. I was referring
33
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:04,119
to your relatively
short attention spans.
34
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:11,376
Lilith has authored a new book.
It hits the stands today.
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00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,336
- Oh, congratulations.
- That's great.
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00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:16,173
You just had a baby.
When did you have time to write a book?
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00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,550
Well, actually, I've been hacking away
at it for years,
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00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:23,472
but I was finally able to polish it off
during my 15 months of pregnancy.
39
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:27,476
Oh, yes. Took years of painstaking,
high-level research.
40
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:30,270
It's called Good Girls, Bad Boys.
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00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:31,521
Isn't that cute?
42
00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:33,815
That was my editor's idea.
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00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,317
I wanted to call it,
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00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:38,195
A Cross-Sectional Study
of Control-Group Females
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00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:42,199
With a Tendency Towards Self-Destruction
vis-a-vis Damaging Relationships
46
00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,326
With Members of the Opposite Sex.
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00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:49,247
Oh, brother, not
another one of those.
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00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:53,084
Yes, but, you see,
my particular slant is that many women
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00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,878
are drawn to men who are bad for them,
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00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,546
those who represent danger.
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00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:59,841
Then, once they outgrow that need,
they're free to make the mature choice
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00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:03,220
and live out their lives with upstanding,
substantial men.
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00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,138
Not unlike my Frasier-doodle.
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00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:10,644
So what you're saying
is that once guys like Sammy
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00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,813
are done sucking the juice
out of babes,
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00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:16,608
hey can toss the shriveled husks
to guys like Frasier.
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00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,486
In a nutshell, yes.
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00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:23,198
But my darling will explain it all
in further detail
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00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:25,951
on live television this very afternoon.
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00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,702
Oh, you're going to be on TV.
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00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,956
Yes, some local women's
talk show on Channel 13.
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00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,458
Teatime With Brenda that airs at 3:30.
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00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,381
Cliff ie, you watch the afternoon
women's talk shows, huh?
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00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,425
I might have caught
a glimpse of it, you know,
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00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:46,263
as I was jumping through the channels
between Combat and the Playboy Channel.
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00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:50,475
Woody, could I have
another glass of water, please?
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00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:52,769
Of course, I have my doubts
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00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,856
about appearing on a program
of such a commercial nature.
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00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:59,234
Well, now, Lilith, this is a highly respected
Socratic format
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00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,903
for the exchange and
dissemination of ideas.
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00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:05,031
Besides, you know, that lady
that dresses the parakeets is going to be on.
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00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,451
Well, I'll be watching you, Lilith.
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00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:09,870
You break a leg, all right?
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00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:13,957
Well, you know, Sam, as the guest's husband,
I have 2 tickets to the show.
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00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:16,293
I was hoping maybe you'd come along
and help me cheer Lilith on.
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00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:19,087
Oh, I don't think
I want to be sitting in that audience.
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00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:23,800
What? ls your masculinity threatened
by an audience full of women, huh?
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00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:25,385
No, it's not that.
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00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,178
Please. I don't want
to be the only boy.
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00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:31,892
Thanks.
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00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,352
Well, if you'll escort my little starlet
out to the car,
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I will meet you momentarily.
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00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,148
You know how in
those shows sometimes
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00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,025
they have that big opening shot
of the audience?
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00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,110
I just want to head to the men's room,
check my hair.
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00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:43,904
I already checked. It's not in there.
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00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:50,452
Hey, whoa, Cliff ie.
Slow down on those things, buddy.
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00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,037
Are you sure they're safe?
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00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,289
Yeah, of course they're safe.
Prescription.
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00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:55,498
Yeah, but you...
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00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,169
Can't be sure, you know.
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00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,588
I mean, it says here,
"may cause dullness of the senses."
93
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,757
We better check his reflexes.
94
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,759
Where's that
ball-peen hammer?
95
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:09,179
"May cause gynecomastia."
96
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:10,555
What the hell's that?
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00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:11,890
I don't know, let me see it.
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00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:15,727
Hey, doc,
what's, uh... gynecomastia?
99
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,604
Oh, male breast enlargement.
100
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:29,157
Doc, uh... I've been
taking these pills here.
101
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:33,203
Oh, well, Cliff,
you'll be all right.
102
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,413
You'd have to take five times
the prescribed amount here
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00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:40,001
to even begin to... well,
shall we say, blossom.
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00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:45,131
Boy, that really steams me.
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I mean, you go to some quack who gives you
a prescription for a simple skin condition,
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00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:52,180
and you find out you might
turn into a woman.
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00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,768
God, I'm so angry,
I could cry.
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00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,399
That time of the month.
109
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:12,325
Ladies, let's hear it for Gloria Diefenbach
and little Bluebell
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00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:13,994
as honest Abraham Lincoln.
111
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:26,214
Now, then, are we really attracted
to men who are bad for us?
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00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,258
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane's new book,
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00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,510
Good Girls, Bad Boys, will tell us.
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00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:35,015
Ladies, let's pour a cup of tea
for Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane.
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00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,980
Dr. Sternin-Crane,
welcome to the show.
116
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,398
Thank you.
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00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:49,070
Now, Dr. Sternin-Crane,
what is it with these bad boys?
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00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:51,698
I mean, why are we women
such pushovers for them?
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00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,951
Well, before
addressing motivation,
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00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:57,120
I'd like to lay
a basis for discussion
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00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,956
by explaining
my data-gathering techniques
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00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:03,126
and statistical overview
of my control-group females.
123
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:06,004
Well, we don't want to
give away all the surprises.
124
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,134
Now, I noticed your book was dedicated
to your husband.
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00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,136
Is he a bad boy?
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00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:14,846
Quite the opposite.
127
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:18,308
In fact, that would be him
sitting right over there
128
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,685
with his hands folded
neatly on his lap.
129
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:28,151
I think we could all see that your husband
is the kind of man we should want.
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00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,904
- I think so, yes.
- Then why don't we?
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00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:35,075
Well, according to my thesis,
women, as they evolve,
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00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,160
will eventually
seek out a relationship
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00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,912
such as mine and Frasier's.
134
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,706
You mean a relationship
that's stable and secure...
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00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,750
Like a comfortable old shoe?
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00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,919
Well... yes.
137
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,630
Who's that sitting
with your husband?
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00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,427
Another comfortable old shoe?
139
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,471
No. that's a friend of ours.
140
00:09:56,638 --> 00:10:00,600
Coincidentally, the perfect example
of the classic bad boy.
141
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,061
My...
142
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:06,022
This is too interesting to pass up.
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00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:08,108
Would you two gentlemen
like to join us up here on the stage?
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00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:09,818
How about it?
145
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,155
Yeah, well...
146
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,991
Lilith, why don't you
introduce us to the men?
147
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,411
Well, this is Sam,
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00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:23,456
an uncommitted,
sexually active male.
149
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:24,958
Ooh!
150
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,627
And this is my husband Frasier,
151
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:31,047
committed to monogamy
and a good little lover.
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00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,095
Thank you, dear.
Thank you.
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00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,222
Well, let's get to know
the boys.
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00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:41,641
First let's start
with our bad boy.
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00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:44,727
Sam, just so we can picture this,
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00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:48,189
what could a woman expect
from an evening with you?
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00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:49,816
Ha ha.
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00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,946
I don't think I can say that on TV, Brenda.
159
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,489
Why not?
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00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:01,369
Well, because basically...
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00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:05,248
Ooh.
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00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,966
You're the one who should write a book.
163
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,805
Frasier, how would a date with you go?
164
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,142
Brenda, I find this line
of inquiry sensationalistic
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00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:26,728
and not at all pertinent to my thesis.
166
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:30,190
Oh, no, that's all right, dear.
I think I'd like to answer the question.
167
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:37,071
Well, a date with me would, I'd say,
be jolly good fun.
168
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:45,246
Ironically, actually, I might add,
169
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:48,875
that I used to date, actually,
an old girlfriend of Sam's.
170
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:52,003
- So she preferred you to Sam.
- Oh, yes.
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00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:55,506
Well, uh... that is,
until she broke up with me
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00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:58,092
and got engaged...
to Sam.
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00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:03,097
You know, I'd like to add
in my defense, the woman was nuts.
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00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,190
Well, all right,
we've met the men.
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00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:14,859
Let's put Dr. Sternin-Crane's thesis
to the test.
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00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:17,237
How many of us would like to sleep
with Sam?
177
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:27,455
And how many of you
would like to sleep with Frasier?
178
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,876
In the back row.
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00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:39,175
Sam, we know you're bad for us.
180
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:42,011
Why do we want you
so darn much?
181
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:44,931
Is it because you're forbidden, untamable?
182
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,809
You know, I think some girl
could probably tame me.
183
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:51,271
For example, that blonde
in the third row there.
184
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:55,275
No, no, nix that. Let's give
the whole third row a shot at it.
185
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,778
What about
the second row?
186
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,613
No, one row at a time, ladies.
187
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,867
Ladies, look, let's keep this
a civilized discussion.
188
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:08,788
If you have points to make,
We'll take them in an orderly fashion.
189
00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:11,874
- Yes.
- I have a question of a more serious nature.
190
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:12,917
Oh, good.
191
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:15,336
What does Sam look like
with his shirt off?
192
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:18,381
Shirt! Shirt! Shirt!
193
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:20,800
Ladies, please.
Let's get hold of ourselves.
194
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,846
This is the perfect example
of what a bad boy like Sam
195
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:28,308
can do to a room full of good girls
like these fine women.
196
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:30,852
One can't help
but be attracted to
197
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:33,271
his steely glance
and the strength therein,
198
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:37,483
to imagine the warmth of his skin
pressed against ours,
199
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,903
his arms pinning us down
so we can't move.
200
00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:42,989
One sees his full lips
201
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,908
and imagines what they must
feel like slightly moist...
202
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,829
tugging at ours.
203
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,457
Before long, one's feeling a little dizzy,
204
00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:55,460
and, oh, for God's sake,
Sam, let the buttons fly.
205
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:08,097
I got to warn you, ladies.
I'm a pretty bad boy.
206
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:12,852
I'm going out
with you at 10:00,
207
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:15,313
and I'm going out
with you at 12:00,
208
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,939
and they both know.
209
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,192
Do something else bad.
210
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,778
- No.
- Why not?
211
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:23,988
'Cause you want me to.
212
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:27,867
Thank you, thank you.
213
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,495
Besides, you know, starting tomorrow,
I'm going to be a good boy.
214
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:31,704
Aw!
215
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,083
I'm just lying.
Boy, is that bad, or what?
216
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:37,668
Lie to me, lie to me.
217
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,170
All right, sure.
218
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:43,299
- Hey, good show, Dr. Crane.
- Yeah, except for they cut to a commercial
219
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,968
right before it started getting good,
you know. Right when your wife
220
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,678
was about to pants Sammy
with her teeth.
221
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,391
I just couldn't believe that that group
got so excited.
222
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:55,144
It was such idiotic behavior
and all because of Lilith's stupid book.
223
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,188
Wait a minute.
I thought you liked Lilith's book.
224
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,857
Oh, I did till I reread it
with a scientific eye
225
00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:02,485
and the impartiality
of a fellow empiricist,
226
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:04,695
and I decided it's pure crap.
227
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,116
Where's Dr. Sternin-Crane now?
228
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:09,867
Oh, probably at home...
229
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,412
Working on pure crap,
volume two.
230
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,623
What are you doing, Dr. Crane?
231
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:17,959
Just compiling some notes
for a book of my own.
232
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:20,211
Oh, now, you're not jealous
of Lilith here, are you?
233
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,673
Norm, please.
give me some credit.
234
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,426
I've been planning
to do this for years.
235
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,011
"Nice psychiatrists
who marry castrating,
236
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,556
shrew, battle-ax, harridan fishwives."
237
00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:35,643
So what's it about?
238
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,147
Excuse me, Rebecca,
239
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,190
may I have your honest opinion
about something
240
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:45,653
you know, as a woman who has
fatally bad taste in men?
241
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:49,866
Do you think I'm a...
good boy?
242
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,535
Frasier, you have to stop
doing this to yourself.
243
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:56,914
Why do you feel inferior to Sam
just because you're good?
244
00:15:58,207 --> 00:16:00,293
You know, I agree with
that talk-show host.
245
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,588
Give me a comfortable pair
of old ratty house slippers any day.
246
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:05,214
So that's how it is.
247
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:09,010
Now I'm a pair of ratty old house slippers.
248
00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,387
At least this afternoon,
I was an old shoe.
249
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:14,849
You could wear me outside,
maybe do a little gardening.
250
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:19,270
- Frasier, I did not mean to imply--
- You think I can't be dangerous?
251
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,482
Is that it? You all think
I'm just an old slipper?
252
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,610
Well, am I a good boy?
253
00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,904
Would a good boy
do this?
254
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:33,367
I am running with scissors.
255
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,875
I'm going swimming
right after lunch.
256
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,628
I'm leaving now.
I'm going outside.
257
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:46,923
I'm going
to pet strange dogs,
258
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,841
no matter where they've been.
259
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:53,054
Look out, world, Frasier Crane's
going to raise some hell.
260
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:59,352
You know, Frasier's helped each
and every of us at one point or another.
261
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:03,147
And now he's going out
to do something he just may regret.
262
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:05,566
I think we should try to do
263
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:08,611
exactly what we always hoped
Frasier would do in the same situation.
264
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,905
- What's that?
- Mind our own business.
265
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,741
Good call, Mr. Peterson.
266
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,162
Hey, pet him if you want to, Frasier,
267
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:20,665
but you don't know where he's been.
268
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:24,710
I'm telling you, it's only
a hundred times faster.
269
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,588
What are you talking about?
It's got to be a thousand times faster.
270
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:31,300
- What's this, a discussion on the bullet train?
- No, fax machine versus the mailman.
271
00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,972
Glass of water there,
please, Woody.
272
00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:39,767
What are you looking at?
273
00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:42,728
What? What are you talking about?
274
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:47,525
I saw you casting furtive, sidelong glances
at my chestal region.
275
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:50,778
And I'll have you know,
it's no larger than it was yesterday.
276
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:53,698
- And I don't want to hear any more about it.
- Cliff, please.
277
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:56,534
We'd forgotten all
about that stupid side-effect stuff.
278
00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:59,787
Oh, Clavin, it's Jane Russell.
She wants to talk shop.
279
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,126
Come on, you guys.
280
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:07,837
Why do you have to
pick on Cliff all the time?
281
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:09,755
He's a nice man.
282
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,216
And if he's worried about
the side effects of some medication,
283
00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:15,845
- I think we could be sensitive to his concerns.
- It's very nice of you, Rebecca,
284
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,681
- but you don't have to come to my defense.
- No, I want to do this.
285
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:22,435
Why does Cliff always have to be the butt
of our stupid jokes?
286
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,646
You know, Cliff, I went through
a very similar situation myself.
287
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,440
- Really?
- Yes, I did.
288
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:30,735
I was taking the exact same medication
for a skin problem,
289
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,903
and it cleared up beautifully.
290
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:36,449
I just hope that puts
your mind at ease.
291
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,576
Well, it does that,
and I thank you.
292
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:41,287
So when did all this
happen to you?
293
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,039
It was years ago.
294
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,458
I was just a little boy at the time.
295
00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:58,262
Has anyone seen Frasier?
He canceled an 8:30 appointment.
296
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:01,057
- Wow, he sees patients at night.
- No, we were going to make love
297
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,725
to celebrate my new book.
298
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:07,229
Yeah, as a matter of fact,
he was in here a couple hours ago.
299
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:08,939
He ran out pretty upset, too.
300
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:11,233
Oh, it's all my fault.
301
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,987
My behavior this afternoon
was unspeakable.
302
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,615
I embarrassed myself,
and even worse,
303
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:20,534
I humiliated the man I love
in front of thousands of people.
304
00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:23,162
I will never,
ever forgive myself.
305
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,706
I saw you on TV today.
You were terrific.
306
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:27,792
- Oh, thank you very much.
- Sure.
307
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:31,921
I'm telling you, Sam, if anything
happens to Frasier because of this,
308
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,632
I will never,
never forgive myself.
309
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,718
I hope he didn't go do
something foolish.
310
00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:39,762
Rebecca, can I use your office phone?
311
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:42,890
I've got to call the hospitals
and emergency rooms.
312
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:46,102
Boy, I've never seen Lilith that upset.
313
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:47,895
I think she's overreacting.
314
00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:52,024
I mean, what kind of trouble could a weenie guy
like Frasier get into, anyway?
315
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,869
Come on in, Viper.
Meet the gang.
316
00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:07,540
Gang, this is Viper.
317
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:12,294
My real name is Ellen.
He just likes to call me Viper.
318
00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:14,588
She likes to call me Slash.
319
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,216
That's right, Frasier.
320
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:19,218
So where did you two meet?
321
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:21,846
Well, actually, truth be told,
322
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:23,806
Viper kind of picked me up.
323
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:27,351
Yeah, he was crossing against the light
and slipped on an icy patch.
324
00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:29,478
Darn near split my pants.
325
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,441
Could I speak to you
for a second?
326
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,362
What are you, nuts?
What the hell are you doing?
327
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:42,992
Sam, I am simply expressing
my inner Gonzo self.
328
00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:49,457
Viper's the perfect kind of girl for me.
She's wild, she's free.
329
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,334
Hair smells of Pennzoil
in the summer.
330
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:58,215
You know, Ms. Viper, I used to belong
to a bikers' gang.
331
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,593
Really? What kind of bike?
332
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,511
Schwinn.
333
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,557
3-Speed, banana seat.
334
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,936
Boy, Frasier, you were
right when you said,
335
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,105
"Next stop-- Dweebville."
336
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:16,358
Yeah. This is state headquarters.
337
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:19,236
Come on. It's time for us
to hit the road.
338
00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:21,822
Yeah, from now on,
this is the kind of life I'm living.
339
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:25,326
Out on the highway doing 180 miles an hour
with bugs in our teeth.
340
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:29,121
- So, where we heading?
- Florida.
341
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,917
Florida? That's far.
342
00:21:34,919 --> 00:21:37,379
Yeah, so what?
343
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:41,091
You love riding the bike,
barreling down the highway
344
00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:43,511
with the wind
screaming in our ears.
345
00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:47,973
Well, kind of a confession
to make, Viper.
346
00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:51,727
That wasn't the wind screaming
in your ears. That was me.
347
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,980
I should have guessed that.
It was the first time
348
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,816
I heard the wind
scream the Lord's prayer.
349
00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:02,822
You know, besides, I've already missed
one appointment with Lilith to make love.
350
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:04,114
I'll be lucky if I get another one.
351
00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:07,076
Who's Lilith?
352
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:09,954
- My wife.
- Somebody married you?
353
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:13,290
Well, not somebody.
354
00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:15,918
A woman whom I respect and love.
355
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:19,296
A woman with the intelligence
to realize that the measure of a man
356
00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:22,299
is not how many studs
you've got on your leather jacket
357
00:22:22,466 --> 00:22:24,218
or how many women
you've been bad to.
358
00:22:24,385 --> 00:22:27,847
The measure of a man
is how much love and comfort you've given.
359
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:30,015
You're getting dull on me, Slash.
360
00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:33,894
Listen, Viper, if caring
for the one you love,
361
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:39,817
If caring for your children,
if paying attention to your career and home,
362
00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,443
if these things be dull,
363
00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:43,821
then may I be
the dullest man who ever lived.
364
00:22:44,071 --> 00:22:46,323
You are, Frasier, you are.
365
00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:56,000
Viper, I'm sorry, you're gonna have to go
to Florida on your own.
366
00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:57,668
So you're just
blowing me off?
367
00:22:58,043 --> 00:23:00,212
Well, I'm sorry, Viper.
368
00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:02,965
But I'll always remember
the good times we had on the bike,
369
00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:05,593
even after my kidneys
fall back into place.
370
00:23:06,093 --> 00:23:08,470
Come, Frasier,
let's go keep that appointment.
371
00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:11,390
You're rescheduling me?
It must be love.