1
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:04,463
Cheers <i>is filmed
before a live studio audience.</i>

2
00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:07,925
Well, I've got to run home
and be a father for about an hour.

3
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:09,134
Where's Lilith?

4
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:13,347
Noted research psychologist
Dr. Lilith Sternin Crane...

5
00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:15,307
...has a singing lesson.

6
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,976
- Lilith sings?
- It seems it's always bothered

7
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:20,020
my dear heart that she cannot sing...

8
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:21,855
As if that were
her only character flaw.

9
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:23,899
And now with the baby,

10
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,442
she'd like to be able
to sing him a lullaby

11
00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:28,070
without frightening
four years of growth out of him.

12
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:31,156
Don't put Lilith down
for wanting to sing.

13
00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:32,282
I think it's cool.

14
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:33,325
- You do?
- Yeah.

15
00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:37,538
I remember when I was 14,
I sang the lead in my school choir.

16
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,957
It was one of the happiest
times of my life.

17
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,833
It made me
the most popular girl in school.

18
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,001
Really?

19
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,212
Of course, I never wore
anything under my robe.

20
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:36,346
Yo, Woody!

21
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:39,057
Hey, Rebecca left a message
for you about some...

22
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:42,436
...Terry who wants to meet with you
about an ad in the paper.

23
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,813
Oh, yeah. I'm advertising
for a roommate.

24
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,732
My landlord just raised my rent.

25
00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:48,442
Why don't you just move?

26
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,444
Are you kidding?
I love my neighborhood.

27
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:51,778
It's so quiet there.

28
00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:54,781
Especially since the gangs
started using silencers.

29
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,287
A great neighborhood
just got even greater.

30
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,789
You be careful
when you pick roommates now.

31
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:06,376
Being an old ballplayer,
I'm kind of an expert on the subject.

32
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,004
The guys out there who just
want to stay up all night,

33
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,298
play loud music,
bring girls in at all hours...

34
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,842
Now these are the fun guys.
These are the guys you want.

35
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,973
Hi. ls there a Woody Boyd here?

36
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,475
Yes, ma'am.
What can I do for you?

37
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,935
Woody, I'm Terry Gardner.

38
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,854
I'm responding
to your ad for a roommate.

39
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:28,231
When I heard the name Terry,

40
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,150
I automatically assumed
it was a guy.

41
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:33,695
Oh. Well, if it bothers you
that I'm not a guy...

42
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,990
No, don't go having
some big expensive operation for me.

43
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:42,621
No, I meant that I would understand.

44
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:43,830
Oh, right.

45
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,249
Well, listen, you came all this way.
Why don't you just sit down.

46
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,335
I'd better hear you out.

47
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,464
All right, let me tell you
about myself.

48
00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:54,132
I'm originally from Indiana.

49
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,635
I'm a dental assistant.
I love to cook.

50
00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:00,013
What else can I tell you?
My daddy is a minister.

51
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:02,307
Will you excuse me for a moment?

52
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:03,433
Sure.

53
00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:07,771
- Hey, guys.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah?

54
00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,940
She seems like
the perfect roommate.

55
00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:11,191
But I don't know.

56
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,568
The thought of having
a girl for a roommate...

57
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,697
Well, I got a real problem with that.

58
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,532
Girlfriend wouldn't understand, huh?

59
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,534
Now I got two problems.

60
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,538
Oh, I get it.
Your mom would disapprove.

61
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,623
Make that three problems.

62
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,085
What, do you have
religious scruples?

63
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:31,878
Oh, great. Four problems.

64
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:36,633
What was your original problem, Woody?

65
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,135
Well, I like to sit on the couch

66
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:39,970
and leave the top button
on my pants undone

67
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:41,555
after a good frozen meal.

68
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,560
I don't think Kelly would mind.
If I'm not sleeping with her,

69
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,311
why would I be sleeping
with someone else?

70
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,188
Wait a minute.

71
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,650
You've been going out
with Kelly for over a year,

72
00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:55,068
and you're not sleeping with her?

73
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,237
Of course not.
That's the sort of thing

74
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:58,530
you wait to do
after you're married.

75
00:03:58,697 --> 00:03:59,740
Right, Mr. Peterson?

76
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,700
Oh, you keep believing that, Woody.

77
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:06,913
All right, I made up my mind.

78
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,002
Terry, you can move in.

79
00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:13,044
Oh, great.

80
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,338
All right, here's an envelope.

81
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:18,008
It has my address
and three keys in it.

82
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,802
One of the keys is
for the doorknob.

83
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:23,805
One is for the security bolt,
and one is for the deadbolt.

84
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,432
You can never be too careful.

85
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,268
- Won't you need a key?
- No, I left the window open.

86
00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,153
What? What are you looking at?

87
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:39,905
It's Robin Colcord

88
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,948
and that little tramp
he's been seeing.

89
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,867
Oh, there's a picture
of you in the paper?

90
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:47,913
No.

91
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:50,957
It's that little chargé d'affaires
from the French Consulate.

92
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,752
Rebecca, I must tell you, this is not
a healthy relationship you're in.

93
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,879
Stuck in a runoff
with another woman

94
00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:58,215
for Robin Colcord's affections,
it's demeaning.

95
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,717
Although it's nothing
compared to what I'd do

96
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,220
to have this exquisite creature
grind her heel into my forehead.

97
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:04,262
My God!

98
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,849
Wow, look at that!

99
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,851
Boy, I've never seen
anything quite like that.

100
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,437
Come on, now.
How hot could she be?

101
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:18,151
Oh, give me that.

102
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,278
You guys, she's not
that good-looking.

103
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,321
Oh, no?

104
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:22,531
I'll show you
how good-looking she is.

105
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,783
Barry, what do you think
of this babe?

106
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:27,452
I'd switch.

107
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,792
I hate her.

108
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:35,043
I wish she was dead.

109
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,587
What is she doing here?
This is my town.

110
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:40,632
Jeanne-Marie is here for some
Franco-American trade celebration.

111
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,009
All of Boston's elite
is going to be there.

112
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,178
Plus one frog slut.

113
00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:48,223
Jeanne-Marie.

114
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:52,018
Oh, the name just glides
off the tongue.

115
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:53,937
Of course I hope
it doesn't do that tonight

116
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,397
when I'm in the rack with Lilith.

117
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,487
Jeanne-Marie. I don't think
that's such a hot name.

118
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:03,697
I think it's stupid.

119
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,657
It sounds like it's French
for "Jan Murray."

120
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:10,328
Well, the French,
they consider Jan Murray

121
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:12,706
the greatest comic genius
of the 20th century.

122
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:15,709
No, they say that
about Jerry Lewis.

123
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,753
Well, they're wrong, it's Jan Murray.

124
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,257
I wish I could go
to that ball tonight

125
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:23,717
and see her in action,

126
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:27,637
See what Robin thinks
is so damn special about her.

127
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:29,848
I'd love to be a fly on the wall.

128
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,725
I'd love to be a fly on the ceiling.

129
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:34,352
What's the difference?

130
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,354
Better view of those "cha-chas."

131
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,442
Wait a minute.

132
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,777
Why don't you go
to that ball tonight?

133
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:43,904
- No, I...
- Yes, yes, yes!

134
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:45,238
You go to the ball tonight,
and then you come back

135
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,573
and report to me.

136
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:47,866
Here, wait a minute. Wait.

137
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:51,202
You take this money,
and you buy yourself a ticket.

138
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,371
And then you come back here,
and you report to me

139
00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:54,581
and tell me everything about her.

140
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:55,957
No, I don't think I should do that.

141
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:58,293
Look, I'm not asking you
to sacrifice anything.

142
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,962
You get to go out, dress up,
have a great meal

143
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:03,131
and meet a beautiful French tramp.

144
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,927
All right, all right.
I'm gonna do it, but...

145
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,055
I'm just doing this
purely out of friendship.

146
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,015
You know something?

147
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:13,850
It doesn't feel half bad.

148
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,645
You know, for once,
I think I'm doing something

149
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:19,105
that's not just
for my own selfish pleasure.

150
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,273
It's kind of like...

151
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,776
It's like I'm doing it
for a higher purpose.

152
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:26,446
Yeah, I'm kind of like that old nun.
What's that babe's name?

153
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,367
- Mother Teresa?
- Yeah, right.

154
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:39,209
- Hey, guys.
- Sam.

155
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,169
Sam, did you see
Jeanne-Marie last night?

156
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,462
What was she like?

157
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:44,381
Rebecca...

158
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,758
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

159
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:50,220
Quit thanking me
and just give me details.

160
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,014
There are no details.

161
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:56,518
Well, she did kind of
detail me, I guess.

162
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,355
You slept with her?

163
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:03,066
Oh, get real. Who could sleep
with all that sex going on?

164
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,736
You pig!

165
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,029
How was she?

166
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:10,949
Was she good or was she bad?

167
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:12,283
Please tell me she was bad.

168
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:13,368
Well, let me put it
to you this way.

169
00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:15,954
Imagine all the nuclear warheads
in the world going off

170
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:19,082
all at the same time,
exactly when the sun explodes.

171
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,085
Yeah?

172
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:23,628
Big deal.

173
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:28,299
So what did she do
that was so special?

174
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:30,510
I mean, I know a lot of things.

175
00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:34,889
Honey, she's a little beyond
the Ann Landers petting guide.

176
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,518
So what was it that she did?

177
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:43,148
I don't think I can tell you
exactly what she did...

178
00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:45,358
Or how or when.

179
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,777
You know, I suppose
I could show you.

180
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:49,446
- Oh, God.
- What?

181
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,531
Forget it. I am sure
I'm gonna go to bed with you

182
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,951
so I can see how
some stupid French girl makes love.

183
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,661
Hey, I was just thinking
about you, you know?

184
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:59,247
Maybe I could pass on
a few secrets of what made it

185
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,124
the most incredible night
of sex I've ever had.

186
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:02,917
Remember, I was a ball player.

187
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,421
Sammy, come on.

188
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,256
Tell us the rest of the stuff, huh?

189
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:11,092
I'm sorry, guys.
Actually, I never met Jeanne-Marie.

190
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:13,011
The water main broke
in the Grand Ballroom.

191
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,846
They canceled the whole party.

192
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,391
Wait a second now.

193
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,435
You just made up
all that sex stuff?

194
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:21,519
Yeah.

195
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,314
Sam, all the other sex stuff

196
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:26,232
that you've told us
through the years...

197
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,943
- That's all true, right?
- Oh, sure, sure, sure.

198
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,574
Cause our lives pretty much revolve
around those stories.

199
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,369
I know that, fellas. I know.

200
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:42,207
I just want to know one thing.
If none of this hot sex stuff

201
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:43,833
with Jeanne-Marie
ever really happened,

202
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,544
then why are you torturing
Rebecca with it?

203
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:49,506
Gee, knowing me,
there must be some reason.

204
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:51,883
He's got a reason.

205
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,593
Here it comes. Here it comes.

206
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,555
You don't suppose it could be
that I know how insecure Rebecca feels

207
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:58,848
about her sexuality,

208
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:02,894
or how inferior she feels
to this Jeanne-Marie girl,

209
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:05,980
or to what lengths
she might go to acquire...

210
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:10,819
how shall I say this... French lessons
from Monsieur Sammy?

211
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:16,991
You know, Sam,
I think you've tried

212
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,285
some pretty inane things
to seduce Rebecca.

213
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,704
But this one doesn't even have
a toehold on reality.

214
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,290
Do you really think she's
that insecure about Robin's affections

215
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,292
that she would actually
go to bed with you

216
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,837
just to learn
Jeanne-Marie's erotic secrets?

217
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:33,258
Sam, could I see you
in my office privately?

218
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,009
Sure, honey.

219
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:43,101
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, way off base.

220
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:48,857
Gentlemen, I think Sammy company
is about to invade France.

221
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,009
- Hi.
- Hi.

222
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,555
Sam, I never thought
it would come to this,

223
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,850
but now I see I'm going
to have to eat crow

224
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:29,606
and ask something that I never thought
I'd have to ask, especially of you.

225
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,233
Don't say another word, Rebecca.

226
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,943
I'll order more vermouth right away.

227
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,446
- No, Sam, it's not that.
- Oh. Something else?

228
00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:38,823
Something of a more
personal nature, perhaps?

229
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:42,952
You're going to make me
ask you this, aren't you?

230
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:44,287
Yeah.

231
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,790
All right, fine. I...

232
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:52,420
I want to be as good
in bed as Jeanne-Marie.

233
00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:53,713
Are we out of vermouth?

234
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:54,923
No.

235
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,134
All right, class,
so you want to learn

236
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:01,095
all about the wonderful art of love, eh?

237
00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:04,766
Now, you're going to need
lab partners for this.

238
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:06,768
There's an odd number of you.

239
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,853
I guess the professor's
going to have to participate, won't he.

240
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,731
Sam, be serious. Come on.
This means a lot to me.

241
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:12,857
All right. All right.

242
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,778
Now, just tell me, what was
the first thing she did

243
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,196
when you got in her bedroom?

244
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,657
Actually, we never
got to the bedroom.

245
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,117
You did it in the hall?

246
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,411
No. What kind of woman
do you think she is?

247
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:26,496
We did it in the elevator.

248
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:28,998
The elevator?

249
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:32,585
Yeah. I was afraid
at first myself,

250
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:36,589
being in a public place like that,
but she was so insistent.

251
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,467
She said the danger would heighten
the excitement of it all.

252
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,261
She kept whispering
in my ear and saying

253
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,346
we could be discovered
at any second.

254
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,348
Amazing stuff.

255
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:47,809
I mean, at first, I was against it...

256
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,727
"lt" being the rail.

257
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,527
And then before I knew
what was happening,

258
00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:00,697
she took this scarf
from around her hair,

259
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:05,159
and she wrapped it around my wrist
and tied me to the rail.

260
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:08,997
I said, 'Hey, what are you doing?"
She just laughed.

261
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,834
I tell you, I've never felt so...
powerless and in control

262
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,127
at the same time.

263
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,713
- Wow.
- Yeah.

264
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:20,883
Then she leaned in closer,
and we started to...

265
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,177
Miss Howe, we're out of vermouth.

266
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:28,266
No, we're not, Woody.
Get out of here, man.

267
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:30,601
Well, where is it, Sam?
The matinee just let out,

268
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,688
and there's a busload
of old ladies screaming for martinis.

269
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,065
Woody, there's a case of it

270
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:38,526
on the second shelf
in the storeroom, all right?

271
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,279
Ladies, put the mailman down.

272
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,866
Sam, you were right.
This isn't going to work.

273
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:47,577
- Yes, no...
- No, you have to show me.

274
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:49,329
What?

275
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,248
I love Robin. I need him.

276
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,208
- I'll do anything to keep him.
- Oh, yeah.

277
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,919
I need to be as good in bed
as that French girl, or better.

278
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,839
I need to experience everything
just the way you and Jeanne-Marie did...

279
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,924
The hotel, the scarf, the elevator.

280
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,801
- The elevator?
- Yes!

281
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:06,304
That's the only way
I'm going to learn, I guess.

282
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,097
- I'm going to go get my car.
- Now?

283
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,266
Oh, God. Maybe we should
think this over.

284
00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:11,601
No, no, no. Thinking's bad.

285
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:12,685
Go, go, go.

286
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:14,771
Thank you, Sam. Thank you.

287
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,230
You're welcome. You're welcome.

288
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:19,150
Oh. Oh, God...

289
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,571
Did she fall for it?

290
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:26,115
Hook, line, and... Sammy.

291
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,869
Do you believe this?

292
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,746
Did you ever think
this day would come?

293
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,499
As a matter of fact,
I never had any doubt there, Carla.

294
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,584
Behold a sealed envelope.

295
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,795
Will you please open it
and read the contents.

296
00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:45,760
"I, Sam Malone,
will sleep with Rebecca Howe

297
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:48,846
on the night of April 19th, 1990."

298
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,264
When did you write this?

299
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:52,475
This morning.
I write a new one every day.

300
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:05,279
Woody, I'll have a cup of java
and an iced tea for...

301
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:07,240
What did you say
your name was again?

302
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,574
Liza Minnelli?

303
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:12,245
Why all this resentment
over my singing lessons?

304
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:16,541
Is it jealousy over my desire
to strengthen the mother-child bond,

305
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,709
reluctance to part
with even a few hours

306
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:21,796
of your precious freedom,
or is it merely that you're a jerk?

307
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:26,342
Look at this, Normie,
the singing nightingale.

308
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,595
You told them about my singing?

309
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:33,683
Well, everyone was asking why my hair
was falling out in clumps, yes.

310
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,519
So...

311
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,771
How are the singing lessons coming, huh?

312
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,523
Just fine, thank you.

313
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:44,652
Now, Lilith, you are being too modest.
They're going splendidly.

314
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,404
Why, just this afternoon,
Lilith received

315
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:48,364
a romantic proposition
from a young moose.

316
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,161
From Northern Quebec,
wasn't it, dear?

317
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,496
You were pointed
in that direction, weren't you?

318
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:58,040
Jest, if you will,

319
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,834
but it takes a certain
amount of courage

320
00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:02,378
to expose one's inner soul
through vocalization.

321
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,839
Especially with that ahooga horn
you call a voice.

322
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,550
Oh, stop it, all of you!

323
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:08,801
I've had enough of this.

324
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,596
You don't know how well I sing.
You've never even heard me.

325
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,307
Why don't you give us
a little demonstration there, Lilith?

326
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,309
You think I'm ashamed?

327
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,519
You want this opportunity
to make more fun of me?

328
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,438
We were hoping, yeah.

329
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,024
Well, I rise to your challenge.

330
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,695
I'm going to sing
Frederick's favorite song,

331
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,864
made famous by Al Jolson.

332
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:31,407
We ain't heard nothing yet.

333
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:37,497
<i>When there are gray skies</i>

334
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:41,125
<i>I don't mind the gray skies</i>

335
00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:46,672
<i>You make them blue, sonny boy</i>

336
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:50,426
<i>Friends may forsake me</i>

337
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:54,222
<i>Let them all forsake me</i>

338
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:59,810
<i>You'll pull us through, sonny boy</i>

339
00:17:00,603 --> 00:17:03,272
<i>You're sent from heaven...</i>

340
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:06,484
I'm going to go
give my ma a call.

341
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:09,195
<i>You've made a heaven</i>

342
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:12,823
<i>For me right here on earth...</i>

343
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,951
Yeah, I think I...

344
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,954
<i>When I'm old and gray, dear</i>

345
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,038
This is beautiful.

346
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,582
<i>Promise you won't stray, dear...</i>

347
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,960
I'm going to send
my ma some flowers.

348
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,463
I'm going to go rent
"The Jazz Singer."

349
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:29,423
<i>Sonny boy</i>

350
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:36,556
Lilith, I apologize.
That was just lovely.

351
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,559
I've never heard your voice filled
with such tenderness and emotion.

352
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:43,145
Why have you never
sung to me like that?

353
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,274
Because your breath
doesn't smell like cookies.

354
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:52,196
No, ma, Cliff... Cliff Clavin.

355
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:53,990
Hey, Woody.

356
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,658
Hey, Terry,
what are you doing here?

357
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,243
I just wanted
to give you back your keys.

358
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,286
I'm moving out.

359
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,496
What's the matter? What'd I do?

360
00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:02,290
Nothing. You couldn't
have been a better roommate.

361
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,250
You left me alone,
which is just what I needed.

362
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,543
I had time to think.

363
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:07,795
I've decided I'm going
back to my husband.

364
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:09,714
Husband?

365
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,092
Yeah, we had a big fight yesterday.
I needed someplace to stay.

366
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,386
See, we were arguing again
over his awful temper

367
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,555
and his fits of crazy jealous rage.

368
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,057
But we worked it all out.

369
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:21,934
By the way, Woody,

370
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,437
he wants to meet the guy
I spent the night with.

371
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,690
Oh, well, God, I'd love to,

372
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:29,900
but I... you know,
this is my break,

373
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:33,571
and I usually like to spend this time
running as fast as I can.

374
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,242
Woody?

375
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:39,660
Woody Boyd.

376
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:40,953
Cutter Gardner.

377
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,456
Oh, you know my husband.
I'll go wait in the truck.

378
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:46,792
Hey, Woody, I heard
you moved out here

379
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,461
and became a bartender.
Is that true?

380
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,088
- Yeah.
- Ha! We didn't believe it.

381
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,132
Somebody's daddy
owes me five bucks.

382
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,635
You're in great shape.
You still working out?

383
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:56,677
Oh, yeah.

384
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:59,889
This guy once lifted a tractor
off a guy's leg.

385
00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:02,642
He put it on his throat.

386
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,479
Well, I'd like to spend
all day here

387
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,856
chewing the fat with you,
but I got to find the guy

388
00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:12,735
who spent last night with my wife
and just bash in his brains.

389
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:13,819
Do you know who it is?

390
00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:19,659
Mr. Clavin, we're still
friends and all, but run.

391
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,620
- That's him!
- No! No!

392
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,559
So this is the elevator.

393
00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:48,187
Oh, yeah. The ecstasy express.

394
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:52,566
So, what floor you want to be
stranded between here?

395
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:53,943
Where were you
with Jeanne-Marie?

396
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,277
Who? Oh...

397
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:58,489
We were somewhere
by the penthouse area.

398
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:02,034
- We worked our way down.
- Oh. The penthouse.

399
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:04,829
What'd you do on the way up?

400
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,498
Oh, a lot of this...

401
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:28,811
Hi.

402
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:32,022
Hey, kid.

403
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,609
- What floor you going to?
- The penthouse.

404
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:37,445
Oh, yeah?

405
00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:42,032
Look, here's five bucks.
Walk up, will you?

406
00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:45,202
- But it's 40 floors.
- You're young. Go on.

407
00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:48,622
So where were we?

408
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,625
Boy, you're really
into this, aren't you?

409
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:54,044
What do you say I make sure
we don't get interrupted again.

410
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:55,880
Okay.

411
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:57,798
So when do you want me
to do that thing

412
00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:59,133
where I tie your wrist?

413
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:00,718
Oh, we don't have
to do that scarf thing.

414
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:03,179
Why don't we just pretend?

415
00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:05,514
Well, if you want to pretend,
why don't I just go home?

416
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:06,891
No, no. Here. Here.

417
00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:10,352
I hope I can remember this. Okay.

418
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:14,315
Right, over left,
and under and around.

419
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:16,776
Actually, the under
and around part comes later.

420
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:19,737
All right, I put it back here.

421
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:22,281
I've never done
anything like this before.

422
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:23,908
Ow! A little snug, isn't it?

423
00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:25,826
Oh, I'm sorry.

424
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,245
I'll never be
as good as Jeanne-Marie.

425
00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:32,082
Oh, don't say that.
Snug is good.

426
00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:34,627
Yeah. Oh, snug's very good.

427
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:37,213
Then what did she do?
Loosen up some clothes?

428
00:21:37,379 --> 00:21:40,216
- Yeah, lots of that.
- Okay. Then you go first.

429
00:21:46,764 --> 00:21:49,016
I see how this
could be exciting.

430
00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:53,437
Okay, I've got it. I've got it.
Wait. The pants. That's good.

431
00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:56,857
Oh, yes. This is good.

432
00:21:57,942 --> 00:21:58,901
Yeah!

433
00:22:00,069 --> 00:22:03,572
This is just fantastic.
Now you go. You go.

434
00:22:04,114 --> 00:22:06,200
- You want me to go?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

435
00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:08,494
Okay, bye. See you tomorrow.

436
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:09,703
Wait.

437
00:22:11,205 --> 00:22:12,498
What do you mean?
What are you doing?

438
00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:15,334
I mean that I know
about the water pipe,

439
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,461
and I know about Jeanne-Marie,

440
00:22:17,628 --> 00:22:19,755
and I know that the only reason
you asked me here

441
00:22:19,922 --> 00:22:21,715
was so that you could play elevator.

442
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,765
How did you find out
about the water pipe?

443
00:22:29,932 --> 00:22:32,226
- It was in the newspaper.
- Shoot!

444
00:22:35,145 --> 00:22:36,438
Just when I thought
you were being my friend,

445
00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:37,815
you go and do
something sleazy like this.

446
00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:39,233
Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

447
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,443
Oh, yeah, honey. I'm...

448
00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:43,946
I'm so very ashamed. I...

449
00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:46,699
I've learned my lesson.
I really have.

450
00:22:47,241 --> 00:22:49,201
Could you untie me, please?

451
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:52,204
- Please?
- The knot's too tight.

452
00:22:52,997 --> 00:22:56,458
Maybe there's some sailor
in the lobby that can untie it for you.

453
00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:58,586
Hey, hey, hey!

454
00:23:14,935 --> 00:23:15,895
Hey.

455
00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:17,938
That's the man
who pushed me.

456
00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:22,526
Give me my five bucks back, will you?