1
00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:04,463
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:12,012
Man, how about all that stuff
that's going on over at Cheers?
3
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:15,098
- What's that?
- You don't know about that?
4
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,559
Well, Rebecca, the babe
who runs the place,
5
00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:20,062
you know, she's been dating
Robin Colcord, the multimillionaire.
6
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:24,441
Well, he tried to pull
a hostile takeover of her corporation.
7
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:27,819
She was implicated in the deal.
So, the corporation dumped her.
8
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,239
Guess who ended up owning Cheers?
9
00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:33,242
- Sam Malone.
- You're kidding.
10
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,160
Wait. You haven't heard
the best part.
11
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:37,162
Now, Colcord skipped the country.
12
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,873
So, Rebecca's ended up
having to take a waitress job...
13
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:41,959
...at Cheers.
14
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,211
Wow! Burt, where do you get
this stuff, anyway?
15
00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:46,922
I got my sources.
16
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,723
Another round on the house,
Mr. Peterson?
17
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,350
Thank you very much.
18
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,302
Is Rebecca in her office?
19
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,554
I thought you ditched her
and skipped the country.
20
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,348
I did, but I've come back.
21
00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:21,391
I finally realized
what Rebecca means to me.
22
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,727
What use is my money
or my freedom
23
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:25,687
if I don't have the woman I love?
24
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:28,106
Rebecca!
25
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,399
I'm back!
26
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,902
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
27
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,364
Oh, my God!
28
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,034
Rebecca, what is
going on in here?
29
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,243
Robin, I can explain.
30
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,328
Wait a minute.
31
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,121
My button's caught in your zipper.
32
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:47,000
Robin, I can't explain.
33
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:48,835
It's my own fault.
34
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,254
For all you knew,
I was never coming back again.
35
00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:54,508
I left the way clear
for something like this to happen.
36
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,927
But Robin, nothing did happen.
37
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,929
- Nothing?
- No, nothing.
38
00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:02,766
Okay. Something almost happened,
but I would never betray you.
39
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:03,934
I love you.
40
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:05,977
We didn't do anything,
41
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:07,979
did we, Sam?
42
00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:14,277
Yeah.
43
00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:15,904
What she said.
44
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:21,243
Hey, jailbird,
your lawyer's on the phone.
45
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,370
Your lawyer?
46
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,580
Yes. I've made arrangements
to turn myself in.
47
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,207
Oh, Robin.
48
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:30,252
I'll wait for you.
49
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,129
I won't have any money
when I come out.
50
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:35,674
That doesn't matter.
I'll help you rebuild your fortune.
51
00:03:35,841 --> 00:03:38,510
Yeah. Just look at what
she's done with this bar.
52
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,887
Oh, shut up.
53
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:44,391
Boy, just because you lose
a few billion bucks
54
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,852
is no reason to cop a 'tude.
55
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:54,818
I guess I should go see
if Robin needs any help.
56
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:57,946
- Sure.
- Sam.
57
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:04,327
Thank you for lying about...
58
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,039
...you know.
59
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,751
Yeah. It's okay.
60
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,753
Thank you for...
61
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,046
...you know.
62
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,012
I just think
it's the right thing to do,
63
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,306
the lying, I mean, not the...
64
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:26,183
...you know.
65
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,144
Well, that, too.
66
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,147
But anyway,
67
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,357
well, see you.
68
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:35,567
See you.
69
00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:39,404
Your button.
70
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,114
Yeah. Thank you.
71
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:50,207
Well, my attorney's spoken
to the prosecutor, and I...
72
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:51,917
...I have to go.
73
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,877
Can't we at least
wait till morning?
74
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:55,712
No, my attorney says
that if I turn myself in now,
75
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,506
I can avoid a media circus.
76
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,382
Do you have any idea
what these sleazy tabloids
77
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:03,553
would pay for a picture
of Robin Colcord, the fugitive?
78
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:05,472
Okay.
79
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,017
Let's try another one, only this time,
look a little bit more guilty.
80
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,060
Guilty?
81
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,983
What do you guys think, huh?
82
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:20,403
- I'm finished.
- With what, Sam?
83
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,739
With putting my old stuff
back on the wall.
84
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,908
- It was gone?
- Yeah, it was gone.
85
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,202
Three years gone, man.
86
00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:28,912
Rebecca had her stuff up there.
87
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:30,622
Are you so taken
with your own lives
88
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,582
you don't notice the changes
going on around here?
89
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,377
Sammy, we notice
the important things, all right?
90
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,629
By the way, is Diane
coming in today?
91
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:45,303
Come on. Give this man a drink.
92
00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:47,806
Sammy, I just... I just realized.
93
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,225
I forgot to call Ma
and tell her the good news.
94
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:52,769
You know how she loves you.
Boy, she's gonna be tickled pink
95
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:54,813
when she hears
you got the bar back.
96
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,189
Hello, Ma?
97
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,775
Guess who the new owner
of Cheers is.
98
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,903
No, it's not me. It's Sam.
99
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,324
Well, I'm still a mailman, Ma.
100
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,204
Well, I know you had
high hopes for me, Ma,
101
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,707
but I couldn't finish college,
and that's all there is to it!
102
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:18,920
She was thrilled.
103
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,173
Hey, Woody, it says here
104
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,510
you and Carla haven't had
a raise for over two years.
105
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,304
That's right, Sam.
106
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,639
I guess that's why
I've been so darn moody lately.
107
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:33,184
Well, that's one of the things
that are going to change around here.
108
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:36,521
Starting tomorrow,
you guys get a $20 a week raise.
109
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,815
Wow! Thanks, Sam.
110
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:42,110
Another thing here, while I'm at it,
to celebrate the new management,
111
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:44,529
I am wiping out
everybody's bar tab.
112
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,618
Sam Malone,
113
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:52,037
I am not a man
for mushy sentiment,
114
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:53,121
but I want you
to know something.
115
00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:56,708
If you ever need a liver donor,
I've got one like yea big.
116
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,172
Woody.
117
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,090
Round of drinks
on the house for everybody.
118
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,508
All right.
119
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,636
All right! Great!
120
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:10,639
- Hi, Sam.
- Oh... hi.
121
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:13,350
Didn't expect to see you
waitressing here today
122
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,644
with your billionaire
boyfriend back in town.
123
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,021
Well, it's only temporary
until I find a good job.
124
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,105
You know what they say,
125
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,442
better a temporary dead end
stupid job than no job at all.
126
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:25,695
Ah, just what every employer
wants to hear.
127
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:29,783
If you excuse me, I'm going
to take these plants of yours
128
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,826
out to the woods
and give them their freedom.
129
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:40,627
So, what's new, Miss Howe?
130
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,254
Well, I just got back
from visiting Robin in jail.
131
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:44,547
They're not going
to let him out on bail
132
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,633
since he jumped bond earlier.
133
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,094
And they're going
to charge him a huge penalty
134
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:50,679
even if he pleads guilty.
135
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,932
I don't think they're going to give
that poor guy any breaks at all.
136
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,518
I got a raise.
137
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,270
You deserve it, Woody.
138
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,856
I deserved it two years ago.
139
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,403
Who was the boss then?
Let me think.
140
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:13,618
Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late.
141
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:15,078
Boy, of all days
142
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:17,539
for my kids to handcuff me
to the water heater.
143
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,209
Why? What's the big deal about today?
144
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:24,170
Didn't Sam tell you what happened
in the office last night?
145
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,171
No, what?
146
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,966
He and Rebecca were
in there a might long time,
147
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,843
and that place was racked.
148
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,469
He didn't mention a thing.
149
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:35,056
Really? Maybe he's saving
all the dirty details for me.
150
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:36,641
He's such a gentleman.
151
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:44,315
Well, fellas, that's the bell announcing
Clavin's mid morning brain twister.
152
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,860
Oh? You going to get up
and try to walk again?
153
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:49,446
Is this going to be
along the same lines
154
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,072
as yesterday's little pearl?
155
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:53,324
If the Lennon Sisters,
the Maguire Sisters,
156
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:56,286
and the Andrews Sisters
all came to a four-way stop,
157
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:57,787
which would have
the right of way?
158
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,415
Oh, no, no, no.
159
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:03,168
This one is based
in historical fact.
160
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:04,294
Now, listen up.
161
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,046
How would the Civil War have changed
162
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,090
if Lincoln had had octopus tentacles
instead of a beard?
163
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,011
For God's sake, Cliff!
164
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,971
There is no practical answer
to that question.
165
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,097
Now, wait, wait, wait.
166
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:17,766
We could assume
the Gettysburg Address
167
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:19,726
would have been written
on the back of eight envelopes.
168
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,145
Very good. Very good answer, Normie.
169
00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:24,147
Also he could have disarmed
John Wilkes Booth
170
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,024
and still applauded the play.
171
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:28,902
Now, in a related query,
172
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:33,573
what if Herbert Hoover was able
to expand his face like a blowfish?
173
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:38,411
What were you guys talking about?
174
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,122
Former presidents
with fish parts in their faces.
175
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:46,086
Come on. You really expect me
to believe you were talking
176
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,547
- about something that stupid?
- Where have you been all these years?
177
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:50,757
Hello!
178
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,677
I know what you were doing.
179
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,179
You were trying
to cover up the fact
180
00:09:56,346 --> 00:10:00,100
that you were gossiping about me.
And as soon as I turn my back
181
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,353
you will go on about Sam
and I in that office last night.
182
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,814
Didn't I tell you?
I knew something happened.
183
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:09,317
Whoa, guys, you think Sammy
finally bagged Rebecca?
184
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:12,987
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
185
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:14,572
Oh, hey, sorry,
Rebecca, I'm sorry.
186
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,991
This is just guy talk. You know?
187
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:18,993
Carla, you think
he finally bagged Rebecca?
188
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,620
Yeah!
189
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,834
There he is.
Why don't we ask him?
190
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:30,964
Sammy, last night...
you, the Howitzer, in the office.
191
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,757
Yeah. Yeah. Come on, Sam.
192
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,175
Come on, eh?
193
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,219
Guys, guys, that's tacky.
194
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,847
Sam, we know that.
It says it above the door. Come on.
195
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,268
All right. if you must know...
196
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,646
...nothing happened. End of story.
197
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,237
I guess nothing did happen.
198
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:55,280
I guess not.
199
00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:57,615
Sammy would never withhold
that information.
200
00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,701
No, he lives to talk
about that stuff.
201
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,703
- We live to hear about it.
- Yep.
202
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:06,541
Eh, it's a symbiotic relationship,
much like that between the shark
203
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:10,044
and the tiny pilot fish that
constantly swims around its mouth
204
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:12,005
picking out little bits of meat.
205
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:15,550
I suppose you're now going to tell me
206
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:18,428
that if George Washington
had had a pilot fish,
207
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,430
he wouldn't have needed
wooden dentures.
208
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,975
Now you're getting
up to speed, Dr. Crane.
209
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,018
Yeah, yeah.
210
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,353
And then he could have
swum across the Delaware
211
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,688
to defeat the Hessians.
212
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,567
Oh, Dr. Crane, try to understand.
213
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:35,236
It's only the president's face
that changes.
214
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,323
It's not like he grew fins or something.
215
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,833
- Sam.
- Oh, hi.
216
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,003
I... wanted to thank you
for your discretion.
217
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,421
What do you mean?
218
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:55,965
Well, not telling Robin
about us was one thing,
219
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,760
but not telling
all those goons out there,
220
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,386
I know that was a real sacrifice.
221
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,263
- No, no big deal.
- Yes, it is.
222
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,766
I know how much you love
to crow to all your friends
223
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:08,186
about your great romantic encounters.
224
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:10,730
Rebecca, believe me,
it was nothing.
225
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,734
Wait. Not telling them was nothing,
226
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,237
or the great
romantic encounter was nothing?
227
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,114
What? Oh, the not
telling them, of course.
228
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:22,116
No, the romantic stuff was great.
229
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:23,993
Wasn't it? You know, I mean,
230
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,829
I don't mean to be disloyal
to Robin or anything, but...
231
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,333
...it was one of the most
powerful things
232
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,543
that's ever happened
to me in my life.
233
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,712
Really? You need
to get out more, hon.
234
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,217
What?
235
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,178
Well, you mean you didn't like it?
236
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,763
No, I said I did, didn't I?
237
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,849
No, it was great. I like...
I really, really liked it a lot.
238
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,726
But what?
239
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:50,144
I...
240
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,689
I don't know. It's like...
241
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:56,401
Maybe I was looking forward to it
too much, you know?
242
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:59,404
Like when you're really excited
about a new movie or something?
243
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,240
Like The Bad News Bears.
Remember that?
244
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,242
For weeks, people kept
coming up and telling me
245
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,411
what a great movie it was,
but when I finally went to see it...
246
00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:07,829
So, it wasn't that great?
247
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:10,832
No, it was just Tatum O'Neal
throwing a ball around.
248
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:12,834
Not that.
249
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,043
Oh, you mean us?
250
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,712
I told you, I...
really, it was fine, honey.
251
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:19,465
Fine? But it was a letdown,
like The Bad News Bears.
252
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,175
No! It was...
253
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:22,969
...much better
than The Bad News Bears.
254
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,266
Maybe I was a little off.
255
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:30,768
I don't... You know?
I knew that I'd been depressed,
256
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,021
and I'd been crying
a couple of days, and...
257
00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:35,857
- Wait a minute.
- What?
258
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:37,525
I know what you're doing.
259
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:42,238
You are trying to convince me
that I wasn't good in bed
260
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:45,950
so I will go to bed with you again
to prove how good I can be.
261
00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:49,037
- I swear to you, Rebecca...
- No! Wait a minute.
262
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,497
We did it once, and that's all
we're gonna do it.
263
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,458
And no matter how much
we might want it,
264
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:56,002
and no matter how great
it was for both of us,
265
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,962
- we're never doing it again.
- Fine.
266
00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,630
- I mean it. Never again.
- Gotcha.
267
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,632
You should listen to me.
There is no more.
268
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:04,761
I hear you, and I agree with you.
269
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,888
It was a terrific moment
that you and I had together,
270
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:10,224
but the truth is, you know,
I can see that you love Robin
271
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:14,354
and Robin loves you,
so truthfully, I'm... liberated.
272
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,272
I feel... I feel good.
273
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,399
I just hope we can,
you know, remain friends.
274
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,568
Oh, get your mind
out of your pants.
275
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,988
Wait, wait, wait.
Come back here.
276
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:26,115
Listen, I wasn't trying
to do anything there.
277
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,950
Oh, stop caressing me!
278
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,871
I have had it with this constant
sexual harassment.
279
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,999
I am quitting this job,
and I'm never coming back here.
280
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:36,709
Me, too, man.
281
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,754
20 lousy bucks after two years.
282
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,005
Man, I'm out of here.
Wait up, Miss Howe.
283
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,757
Woody! Woody.
284
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,259
That was a personal thing
between me and Rebecca.
285
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:47,095
It had nothing to do
with your raise.
286
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,433
- Still, 20 lousy bucks.
- All right. Fine.
287
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,477
25. Now, let's get back to work.
288
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,146
- Come on.
- Hey. Keep your hands off me.
289
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,409
Wait, wait, wait
a minute, Sammy, look.
290
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,286
Rebecca just said
she was leaving here
291
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:13,496
and never coming back.
292
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:14,664
Yeah, that's right.
293
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:18,960
Oh, man, this is terrible.
294
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,002
What?
295
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,297
Sammy finally struck out for real.
296
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,469
What are you talking about here?
297
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:31,639
We all knew
it was taking a long time,
298
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:33,141
but we thought that eventually
299
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:36,561
you two would be doing
the horizontal hokey-pokey.
300
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:42,024
But I guess that's it, huh?
Lower the flag.
301
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,317
End of an era.
302
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:47,738
First the communist block crumbles,
and now Sammy's studhood.
303
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:53,619
Yep. Guess that's it.
304
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:58,708
Wait. What...
305
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,168
No, it's not.
306
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,962
Come here. Come on. All of you.
307
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,672
I want you to step
in the office here,
308
00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:06,799
and I'll show you where we...
309
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:10,928
...where we decided
to put up some shelves.
310
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,346
You know, tall ones.
311
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:16,225
It'll be, you know, be great for books
and some of my videotapes and...
312
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,019
It'll be nice.
313
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,357
Breaks your heart, doesn't it?
314
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:28,946
What I can't figure out is
315
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,616
why I don't want
to tell any of my friends.
316
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:34,619
No, that's not true.
I do want to, but, you know, I can't.
317
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:36,704
Why? That's...
318
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:38,581
You know, maybe it was
such a letdown,
319
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:40,708
that I didn't feel like
bragging about it.
320
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:42,710
Or maybe it was not a letdown,
321
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:45,171
and I was just ticked
that she dumped me
322
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,672
as soon as her boyfriend walked in.
323
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,217
Or maybe she's right and I'm just
trying to get her in the sack again.
324
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:52,011
I don't know. God! I just... I...
325
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:55,640
I'm just a simple guy trying to deal
with this complex problem.
326
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:59,852
Or maybe I'm a complex guy
trying to deal with a simple problem.
327
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:00,895
I don't know.
328
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,525
What do you think, Father?
329
00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:09,403
Am I to understand
that you had relations
330
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,697
with a woman
who is not your wife?
331
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,083
Yes, that's...
332
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,378
That's correct, Father.
What do I need to do?
333
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,713
Say three Hail Marys,
334
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:33,386
four Our Fathers,
and nine rosaries.
335
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:35,054
Thank you, Father.
336
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,765
Nine rosaries. That's a lot.
337
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,351
We are cracking down.
338
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:52,947
You mean that I have to do that
for each one of these beads?
339
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:56,826
Hey, it's not a religion for wusses.
340
00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,039
You know, Sam,
341
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:05,668
we all feel kind of bad
about what you're going through
342
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:08,671
and as much as we live vicariously
through you when you score,
343
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,967
we also feel vicarious pain
when you strike out.
344
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:15,595
So, what's the deal?
345
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,263
Are you gonna snap
out of this by the weekend,
346
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,932
or do we have to go rent
a Matt Helm movie?
347
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,980
I'm fine. Can we just drop
this subject, please?
348
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,733
Sam, is something troubling you?
349
00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:30,776
I mean, do you need
to talk to someone?
350
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:34,113
Yeah, as a matter of fact,
I do need to talk to someone.
351
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,990
I need to talk to everybody here.
352
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:38,409
I don't know why it's taken me
so long to get this out here,
353
00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:43,205
but last night, in that office,
Rebecca Howe and I had...
354
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,875
...a disagreement
355
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,169
about those shelves
that I was telling you about.
356
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,380
But, you know,
I'm gonna put 'em up anyway.
357
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:52,548
You know, what the heck?
358
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:53,841
They'll be good
for knickknacks and everything.
359
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:55,676
I think it will look fine.
360
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,849
Matt Helm never had to build shelves.
361
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:12,610
- Hi, Sam.
- Hi.
362
00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:14,737
I didn't expect to see you here.
363
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,447
I just came back
for my final paycheck,
364
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:20,660
and there seems to be some mistake.
It's only for $16.
365
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,912
Oh, darn those computers.
366
00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:24,747
How could I make
a mistake like that?
367
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,874
It's supposed to be for 6.00.
You got a 10 on you?
368
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,253
This isn't about a silly check.
369
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,464
Give me the check.
370
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:37,843
This is about us.
371
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,303
What about us?
372
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:43,140
Sam, we have been friends
for too long to let it end this way.
373
00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:45,685
And I just came back to say
374
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:48,646
that I'm sorry
I ran out earlier in a huff.
375
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:52,483
And that I knew
you weren't coming on to me.
376
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:55,486
And that when you said
I wasn't good,
377
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:58,114
that it wasn't just some trick
to get me back into bed.
378
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,991
It was because
you were being honest.
379
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,911
Because I am a lousy lover.
380
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:07,415
- No, sweetheart, you're not lousy.
- No, Sam. It's all right.
381
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,917
It's not like
I haven't heard it before.
382
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,296
I have to learn
to accept it, you know?
383
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:15,673
Some people are bad at math,
384
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,800
- some people can't skip.
- No, no.
385
00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:22,304
You're a fantastic lover.
386
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,473
I am a dud, and I know it.
387
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,643
Robin just didn't realize it
because he's English.
388
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:37,611
Listen, I wouldn't say
you were good if you weren't.
389
00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:40,740
Maybe I just, you know,
wasn't too enthusiastic this morning
390
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:41,907
because my feelings were hurt.
391
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:45,494
I mean, the minute he comes in here,
you act as if nothing happened.
392
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:50,124
No, no, Sam, that doesn't wash.
You've been after me for three years.
393
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,376
And you finally got me.
394
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:56,797
I mean, if I was even adequate,
395
00:20:56,964 --> 00:21:00,259
I know that you would've run out there
and told every bozo in the bar.
396
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:02,845
You don't think I wasn't dying to do that?
It was making me crazy.
397
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:06,432
It's just that I thought
I'd be betraying our friendship.
398
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,434
I never really had a friend before.
399
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,769
You have lots of friends.
400
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,438
No, no. I've never "had"
a friend before.
401
00:21:21,155 --> 00:21:23,491
It's weird. I don't know
how to behave.
402
00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:24,658
I don't...
403
00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:30,289
So you really, really did this
out of respect for our friendship?
404
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,751
Sort of like you were being noble?
405
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:36,712
I... yeah, I guess so. I guess so.
406
00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:38,756
And I wasn't lousy?
407
00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:40,549
No, you were fantastic!
408
00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:42,301
Look, you want me
to prove it to you,
409
00:21:42,468 --> 00:21:44,386
I'll go out there and tell them
that we made love.
410
00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:46,222
No, no, no, Sam, no.
411
00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:50,184
It's enough just knowing
you're willing to do that.
412
00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:54,438
- No, I think you need more.
- No!
413
00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:56,649
No, no, no.
414
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:59,151
No, Sam, don't give up your nobility.
415
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:00,528
Aw, come on.
416
00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:03,823
Let a noble guy
have some fun here.
417
00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:05,491
What?
418
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,576
Oh! I get it. You want to tell.
419
00:22:07,743 --> 00:22:10,538
Yeah, it's a guy thing, you know?
At least let me tell Carla.
420
00:22:13,415 --> 00:22:14,542
- Okay, go ahead.
- Really?
421
00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:16,585
Yes, yes. You've done
a lot for me. It's fine.
422
00:22:16,752 --> 00:22:18,879
This friendship stuff
is going to be fantastic.
423
00:22:19,046 --> 00:22:19,880
Yes.
424
00:22:20,047 --> 00:22:22,383
Hey, guys, listen up here.
425
00:22:25,219 --> 00:22:26,554
Last night...
426
00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:32,518
...Rebecca and I made love,
and she was fabulous.
427
00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:40,776
Well...
428
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:45,072
This has got to be
the saddest day of my life.
429
00:22:47,950 --> 00:22:49,076
What?
430
00:22:49,243 --> 00:22:52,913
Sammy, you never had
to resort to lying before.
431
00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:55,666
What, you don't believe me, here?
432
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:57,626
First of all,
433
00:22:57,793 --> 00:23:00,170
why would you wait
a whole day to tell us?
434
00:23:00,337 --> 00:23:01,714
And second of all...
435
00:23:02,673 --> 00:23:04,508
...she was fabulous?
436
00:23:08,178 --> 00:23:09,388
Sammy...
437
00:23:09,972 --> 00:23:11,515
Come on, let's go look
at those shelves.
438
00:23:13,559 --> 00:23:16,228
No, no, really. I was being noble.
439
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:18,188
No, really, I was fabulous.