1 00:00:01,627 --> 00:00:04,338 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:06,673 Here you go. 3 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:07,758 Hey. 4 00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:10,093 - Something wrong? - Yeah, I'll say. 5 00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:12,846 You didn't ask me if I needed anything else. 6 00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:15,265 Do you see this row of dollar bills here? 7 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,351 - Yeah. - This is your tip. 8 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,478 I've set it aside in advance. 9 00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:21,230 Now, here's the deal... 10 00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:25,776 Every time you do something wrong, I take a dollar bill, see? 11 00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:28,529 That way I get decent service, understood? 12 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,657 Fair enough. Here's my deal for you. 13 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:34,868 Every time you take away a dollar, I do this. 14 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,541 That just cost you another dollar. 15 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:47,047 There, you happy? Your tip money's all gone. 16 00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,216 Well, that's just great, cause I just got my own. 17 00:00:58,559 --> 00:00:59,476 So... 18 00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,562 ...how long's your brother going to be in town? 19 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,524 Two weeks. 20 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:25,145 I would like to nominate as the stupidest creature on earth, 21 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:30,233 the one who awakens each day to drive through gridlocked traffic 22 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,195 to sit in a windowless office, breathing recirculated air, 23 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,947 then returns home and collapses into a stupor, 24 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:37,366 only to do the same damn thing 25 00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,117 all over again every day until he dies. 26 00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:40,619 Looking forward to that vacation, eh, Fras? 27 00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:41,995 You bet. We're going to Maui. 28 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,377 Still having problems with the computer, Sammy? 29 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:50,587 No, I think I figured out what to do. 30 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,549 Ah, kiss your keyboard good-bye. 31 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:55,759 Sam! Sam. 32 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:57,844 Sam. Give me the bat. Come sit down. 33 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:01,306 Now, I'm sure that Lilith would be delighted 34 00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:02,808 to help you with your computer. 35 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:05,310 She tells me she has quite an affinity for machines. 36 00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:07,187 Naturally, you could have knocked me over with a feather. 37 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:12,651 What is it with these machines, anyway? Computers, faxes, voice mail? 38 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,569 You know, when I ran this place in the old days, 39 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,113 I had everything I needed right up here. 40 00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,949 - Brain, Sam? - No, good hair. 41 00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:19,991 Brains! 42 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:25,163 I'm serious, you know. Good looks can open doors. 43 00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:27,749 Good hair blows them off the hinges. 44 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,380 Sammy, what are you going to do about the computer? 45 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,006 Rebecca's going to come over here and fix it. 46 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:37,217 I just have to wait until she shows up. 47 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:40,303 What about the auto show, Sam? Don't you want to go see the new models? 48 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,139 That's all right. I know where they're staying, Wood. 49 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,517 Sammy, we're out of pretzels. 50 00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:49,229 Sorry. 51 00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:51,481 Hey, we're out of pretzels. 52 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:54,109 I think that's what I meant when I said we were out of pretzels. 53 00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,902 Sorry I was so cryptic before. 54 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:57,612 I don't understand this, 55 00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,156 we're supposed to get a big shipment today. 56 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:02,242 I mean, I ordered 20 bags from the distributor. 57 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:05,495 I mean, I even faxed it on Rebecca's stupid fax machine. 58 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,707 - Oh, well. - Oh, well? 59 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,001 Sammy, there are those of us who need their pretzels. 60 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:12,127 Come on. 61 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,671 What am I supposed to do, go down to the grocery store 62 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:15,797 and buy you some? 63 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,716 And get some beer nuts, too. These are antiques. 64 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,887 You know, I have a yen for some cheese doodles. 65 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,473 Hey, Sammy, while you're out there, 66 00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:26,975 will you pick up some cough syrup? I've got a little tickle. 67 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,102 All right, fine, I'm going to do this once, you guys. 68 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,395 But you got to remember, 69 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,230 I'm supposed to be the boss around here, 70 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,649 - not your errand boy. - Feed my meter. 71 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,322 I've got those 20 bags of cement you ordered. 72 00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:43,742 What? 20 bags of cement? I ordered 20 bags of pretzels. 73 00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:46,536 I faxed my order to Amalgamated Snack Foods. 74 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,831 Oh, yeah, we often intercept their orders so we can push cement. 75 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,959 Maybe what happened is I faxed it to the wrong company. 76 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,754 - Oh, it happens all the time. - So you'll take it back for me? 77 00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:59,466 Nope. You still got to pay for it. Good thing it happens all the time. 78 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,635 Here, sign here. I'll get the rest of it. 79 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:05,222 I don't have time to do this. I have more important things going on. 80 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,849 Hey, do something with this cement. 81 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,059 Sure thing, Sam. 82 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:10,977 Oh, listen, while you're out, can you pick up 83 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:14,731 some aggregate, a water trough, a shovel, and a wheelbarrow. 84 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:20,362 Now, what am I going to build? 85 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,828 All right, here you go, you clowns. 86 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,455 Cheese doodles. 87 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:34,918 Beer nuts. 88 00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,127 Pretzels. 89 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,340 Where's the cough syrup, Sam? 90 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,676 Oh. I knew I forgot something. 91 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,678 Jeez, Sam, the tickles just don't go away 92 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,096 by themselves, you know. 93 00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,015 I'm sorry. 94 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,434 Oh, man, I know it's going to get in my ears. 95 00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:52,686 I just know it. 96 00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:57,816 Sam, I believe I ordered cheese doodles, 97 00:05:57,983 --> 00:06:00,652 not imitation puffed cheese food. 98 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,447 So I got the plain wrap. What's the difference? 99 00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:08,034 "Can also be used as packing material." 100 00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:11,204 See? It's efficient, too. 101 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,248 "Keep out of the reach of children." 102 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:15,709 You know, Sammy, 103 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,252 you shouldn't have to cut corners like this. 104 00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:20,046 If you're having money problems, maybe we can help. 105 00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:22,048 Come here, you guys. 106 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,802 Listen, you remember that raise I gave you guys a couple of weeks ago? 107 00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,846 How much does it really mean to you? 108 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,307 More than my children's lives. 109 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,643 Okay, Carla gets to keep her raise. 110 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,313 What do you say, Woody? 111 00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,191 Well, I suppose I can put it off a couple of months 112 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:41,359 - if it would help. - Oh, yeah. 113 00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,320 Thanks, man, you're a brick. 114 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:46,615 In return for this concession, I think the group medical plan 115 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,575 should be expanded to include dental. 116 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,830 I'm just barely keeping my head above water here. 117 00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:54,915 What are you doing to me? 118 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,375 You're acting like selfish, greedy leeches. 119 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:58,919 Well, why should we work here then, huh? 120 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,921 Because we're family, honey. 121 00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:05,508 Why is everybody treating me like I'm the biggest jerk on earth? 122 00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:06,927 Don't worry about them, Sammy, okay? 123 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,262 You're the owner here. You have responsibilities. 124 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,264 If they can't handle that, that's their problem. 125 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,808 - Yeah. Thanks. - Can I have another beer, please? 126 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,268 I can't run a tab anymore. 127 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,811 I'm going to have to take cash on this. 128 00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,022 Or maybe you are the biggest jerk on earth! 129 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,607 Maybe you are! 130 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:22,817 Fine, you know. Just fine. 131 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,987 You know, what do you guys want from me, huh? 132 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,281 Free medical plans? Raises all around? 133 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,325 How about free beer and all the pretzels you can eat? 134 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:31,451 Can I get you anything else? 135 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,578 - Can we have fondue night? - No! 136 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,164 Not everybody likes fondue. 137 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,005 - Hi. - Hi, Miss Howe. 138 00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:45,840 Oh, Woody, you don't work for me anymore. 139 00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,509 You don't need to call me Miss Howe. 140 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:48,802 Just call me Rebecca. 141 00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,013 Hi, Rebecca. 142 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,932 Rebecca. I kind of like that. 143 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,851 What do you think, Norm? 144 00:07:58,186 --> 00:07:59,688 Now, now, Woody. Come on. 145 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,398 I'm sorry, Mr. Peterson. 146 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,692 It's just not me, Miss Howe. 147 00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:08,321 Oh, great. There you are. 148 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,156 I can't stay long. I only have a few minutes. 149 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,366 What's wrong with the computer? 150 00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:13,535 Oh, nothing, really, I just can't get those little green letters 151 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:14,953 to pop up on the screen. 152 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,621 Well, did you try booting it up? 153 00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,123 Yeah, I did plenty of that. 154 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,460 Sam, you can call me stupid, 155 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,337 but I think if Miss Howe was still around here, 156 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,589 she could take care of all this technical stuff. 157 00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:27,966 You're stupid. 158 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:31,594 I said Sam could call me stupid, not you. 159 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,389 I don't know if that's a good idea, Woody. 160 00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,850 I said you could call me stupid, not my idea. 161 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,727 Doesn't anybody listen around here? 162 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:43,481 You don't think I don't want Rebecca back here managing the bar? 163 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:47,027 I'd love it, man. But she quit. She's never gonna come back here. 164 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:50,697 Well, Sam, you'll never know unless you offer her the job. 165 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,158 Yeah, right. Hey, how would you guys feel 166 00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:55,702 about Rebecca managing this place again? 167 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,288 Well, would it raise the price of beer? 168 00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,957 - No. - Then what do we care? 169 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,669 All right, that's a good idea. I'll offer her the job. 170 00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,338 Oh, good. Did you find out what was wrong? 171 00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:11,384 Yeah, the disk was in backwards, and the keyboard connection was loose. 172 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,012 Also, you had picked it up and thrown it on the ground. 173 00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:17,015 Wow, Rebecca, you are so great. 174 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,350 You've got this real knack for managing. 175 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:22,228 What are you doing the rest of the day? 176 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,772 What are you doing the rest of the week? 177 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:24,939 I'm going to work. 178 00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:28,610 - You got a job? - Yeah. Didn't I tell you guys? 179 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,863 Yeah, and it could turn out to be something real exciting. 180 00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,574 Oh, wow! What are you doing? 181 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,618 Well, I'm in public relations now. 182 00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:37,702 - Good for you! - Yeah. 183 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:39,704 I mean, it doesn't mean I'll never see you guys. 184 00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,499 I can still come in here as a customer. Of course, with work and all, 185 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:47,337 I mean, I can't stay for ten, 12 hours in a stretch like you guys. 186 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:49,464 Oh, that's okay. You can be in the part-timers club. 187 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,174 They sit over there. 188 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,093 When you're ready to commit, you'll let us know. 189 00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:55,178 Yeah. Like Phil there, he's right on the verge. 190 00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,850 Well, I better get back. I've already been gone ten minutes. 191 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,436 Ten minutes? She'll never make the cut. 192 00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,231 Bye-bye. 193 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,900 Yeah, it would have been nice to have her back in the bar. 194 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,736 Come to think of it, you know, how much work would there be 195 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:15,240 for her really to do? I mean, do I really need a manager? 196 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,578 I got a truckload of sorghum for a Sam Malone. 197 00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,875 I didn't say I wanted sorghum. I said I wanted some more gum. 198 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,836 God, I hate voice mail. 199 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,215 That's not my problem. Where do you want me to put this? 200 00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:35,426 I don't know. What is sorghum anyway? 201 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,846 It's grain, Sam. It's used to feed livestock. 202 00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:41,516 Say, if I put it in a bowl, would those guys eat it? 203 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,479 Are you kidding? 204 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,398 I was late putting down the beer nuts last night, 205 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,692 Mr. Peterson almost snapped off my thumb. 206 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,403 Fill 'em up. 207 00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:05,582 Woody, this new trail mix is great. 208 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,041 - Yeah. - Yeah. 209 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,835 Could you slide another bowl down, please? 210 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,545 Hey, you might want to mix 211 00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:13,965 a raw egg in there, Mr. Peterson. Makes your coat nice and shiny. 212 00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:18,344 What? 213 00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,221 Oh, nothing. 214 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:26,102 Hey, guys, listen up here for a second. 215 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,937 I want you to meet someone here. 216 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,731 It's your new manager. This is Earl. 217 00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,191 - Hey. - Hey, Earl. 218 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,276 Earl used to play shortstop for the Cubs. 219 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:34,611 All right! One of us, huh? 220 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:36,571 You guys from Chicago? 221 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,156 Nah. They're all losers. 222 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:45,663 Boy, that sounds like a nasty cold you got there, son, 223 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,374 And still you're out there delivering the mail? 224 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,835 I got a lot of respect for you guys. 225 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,963 Sammy, give this guy a raise. 226 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,050 Earl, get out from behind there. Come on, have a seat. 227 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,886 Oh, don't sit me down in a bar. I'll never get up. 228 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,055 It's either that or go home to the wife. 229 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,890 And God knows I hate to do that. 230 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,100 Do you have the other half of this amulet? 231 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,483 Looks like you found a home here, Earl. 232 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,235 Oh, well, thanks, Sam. 233 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:18,279 Why don't you find me an apron and I'll get started here. 234 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:22,867 Holy moly, the man handles computers, he tends bar... 235 00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,578 Anything you need me for, son. 236 00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:29,999 Whoa, would you catch a look at that babe? 237 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:31,251 Where at? Where at? 238 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,795 In the pool room kind of behind that pole. 239 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:36,256 Boy, you do have good eyes. 240 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:37,966 You sure you played for the Cubs? 241 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:45,306 Well, guys, I hope I do as well as your last manager. 242 00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:48,977 You're probably going to want to set your sights a wee bit higher. 243 00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:52,021 Come on, guys, guys, guys. Rebecca's doing great now. 244 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,983 Our old manager moved on to bigger and better things. 245 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:59,362 Nothing can hurt a car treated with Miracle Buff, 246 00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,990 absolutely nothing. 247 00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:05,493 Watch me pour acid on this car and wipe it right off. 248 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,137 That's right. 249 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:29,017 Nothing can penetrate the mirror-like luster of Miracle Buff. 250 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,268 Not even... 251 00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:32,937 ...fire. 252 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,155 You people are just going to have to take my word 253 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,406 for it this time, okay? 254 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,242 Ladies and gentlemen, I have to take a break now, 255 00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:50,204 but our next demonstration will be in... one minute?! 256 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,794 - I just get so afraid up there. - We're afraid for you, 257 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,756 but that's what makes the auto show so exciting. 258 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:05,928 Hey, huh? 259 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,682 Is this great, to cut out from work like this? 260 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,852 Yeah. With Earl at the bar, you know, we can stay here all day. 261 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,480 Oh, Sam, check it out, sheepskin covers. 262 00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:17,231 What are you doing, man? Why are you buying 263 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:20,318 all this vinyl cleaner, leather cleaner, I mean, sheepskin? 264 00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:21,736 You don't even have a car. 265 00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:25,490 I know, Sam, but most of my furniture comes from the interior of cars. 266 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:28,409 I got to be careful when I shave, 267 00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,620 because objects may be closer than they appear. 268 00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:34,707 Ladies and gentlemen, 269 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:39,003 the next Miracle Buff demonstration will commence in ten seconds. 270 00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:42,173 Oh, my God. Look at that. That's Rebecca. 271 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:44,217 She's working the auto show! 272 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,804 Wow! She does have a great job. She's Miss Miracle Buff. 273 00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:51,099 I don't think she'd want us to see her like this. 274 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,433 Just keep out of sight. 275 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,770 "Miracle Buff, the amazing discovery 276 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:58,606 that will make your car's finish last a lifetime. 277 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,191 For safety reasons, 278 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:03,194 we can't actually simulate a nuclear blast, 279 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:07,031 but we have already shown that acid and fire 280 00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,409 are no match for Miracle Buff." 281 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,536 Unlike human skin. 282 00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,873 Sam, I don't think I can keep up this pace. 283 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,792 I'm still dizzy from being knocked in the face 284 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,585 from that airbag demonstration. 285 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,338 I think I'm going to go over to the RVS and lie down. 286 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,800 Now you're probably all saying to yourself, 287 00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:30,096 "Hey, Miss Miracle Buff, would the same thing apply to..." 288 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,265 ...boiling tar? 289 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,393 No way. No, forget it. You get me some oven mitts. 290 00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:38,813 He won't even give me any oven mitts. 291 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,316 I am making a lousy six bucks an hour. 292 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:45,278 I mean, that will not even cover the skin grafts. 293 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,655 I'm not doing this anymore. This is it. 294 00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:48,906 You're not getting paid for this. 295 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:53,453 Look, buddy. I am carrying a boiling bucket of tar. 296 00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:56,414 It's okay. It's all right. It's okay. It's okay. 297 00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:59,876 Oh, Sam. Could this all be a bad dream? 298 00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,295 No, honey. This is the auto show. 299 00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:10,011 My friends. 300 00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:11,804 Thanks to my buddy Earl's amazing cold remedy, 301 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,723 you are looking at the picture of perfect health. 302 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:17,101 Every sinus cavity in my head is clear and dry... 303 00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:19,687 Well, not dry, but moist enough to be comfortable. 304 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:21,731 Glad you're feeling better, Cliff ie. 305 00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,024 Ah, thank you. 306 00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:25,735 Did this particular cold, did this start out 307 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,279 with a funny taste up in the back of your mouth? 308 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,781 The old acid in the adenoids. 309 00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,074 Scratchy throat? 310 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:33,451 Yucky coating on the tongue? 311 00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:35,870 Sounds like an epidemic. 312 00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,706 My friends, I don't want to be an alarmist, 313 00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,708 but tonight, if you live through it, 314 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:43,711 is going to be the worst night in your entire lives. 315 00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,840 First the cold sweats, the pounding headache... 316 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,467 Cliff, I don't want to hear this. 317 00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:52,762 Don't worry, Norm. In a few hours, your ears will be so clogged, 318 00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:54,263 you won't be able to hear anything. 319 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:59,060 Cliff Clavin, you gave us this cold and I'm going to get you for it. 320 00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:01,145 You're not going to know when, but I'll be there. 321 00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:02,772 Oh, Carla, I'll know when. 322 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:05,900 I'll hear your liquid-filled lungs wheezing a mile away. 323 00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,405 Hey, hey, everybody. 324 00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:12,573 Hey, Earl. 325 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,993 Hey, Norm, do me a favor, will you? 326 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,329 Let me know how this tastes. 327 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,502 It's great. What did you do? 328 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,879 Well, I adjusted the pressure in the kegs 329 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,923 and then I cleaned out all the lines. 330 00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:32,051 Earl, how do you like the sound of this? 331 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,262 Mrs. Earl Peterson. 332 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:37,890 Think about it. Come on. 333 00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:43,312 I don't know why you guys are falling all over yourselves about this Earl. 334 00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:45,565 So he's a nice guy. Big deal. 335 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,525 Carla, excuse me, I noticed 336 00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,527 you've been carrying your tray a little low. 337 00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:51,195 Are your shoulders tense? 338 00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:53,281 Let me just... if you don't mind, let me just... 339 00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:00,079 Oh, that is the best I have ever felt 340 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,914 without ending up with a baby. 341 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,670 It wasn't just the acid, Sam. 342 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,339 It was the fire and the simulated hailstorm 343 00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:13,092 and the live pigeons. 12 times a day, 344 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,303 I rubbed and I rubbed and I rubbed and I rubbed. 345 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,388 Come on, Miss Howe, the auto show couldn't have been that bad. 346 00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:19,432 Woody, I don't have any fingerprints left! 347 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,393 Sit in here and calm down. 348 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,729 Rebecca was working at the auto show? 349 00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:26,397 Yeah, she was Miss Miracle Buff. 350 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,774 Don't let the fancy title fool you. 351 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,403 She was pitching snake oil like a side-show geek. 352 00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:38,451 Woody, what did she do? 353 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:42,079 As near as I could tell, everything but bite the head off a live chicken. 354 00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,540 Of course, we got there late. 355 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,920 It's an indestructible space-age polymer, Sam, 356 00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,339 and it's in my hair. 357 00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,344 Why didn't you come to us? I mean, come on. The auto show? 358 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,638 Because I was ashamed. 359 00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:03,100 - And I really wanted to find a good job. - Oh, honey, I know. I know. 360 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:14,362 It's just that no corporation will hire me because of my involvement with Robin. 361 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:19,867 I mean, it was either that or selling myself on the streets. 362 00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:23,287 All right. So I made the wrong choice. 363 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,749 Listen, whatever, you know. 364 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:29,001 You got a job here managing if you want. 365 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,628 - I do? - Yeah. 366 00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:33,798 Oh, Sam, thank you. I'll do a great job for you. 367 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:38,010 A jolly good fellow For Earl's a jolly good fellow 368 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,304 For Earl's a jolly good fellow 369 00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,641 Shoot. I forgot about Earl. 370 00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:46,143 - Who is Earl? - A jolly good fellow. 371 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,439 Well, I know that, Sam. 372 00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:53,776 He's working here now. He's a real nice guy. 373 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:58,030 We all got close to him real fast. He's like a father figure to all of us. 374 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,533 Are you sure you gave the auto show a chance? 375 00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,326 Sam. 376 00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:04,412 You got the job, you got the job. 377 00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:06,747 Swell. And, you know, I bet I'll grow to love Earl 378 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:08,999 just as much as everybody else does. 379 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,084 So what do you want me to do first? 380 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:11,961 Fire Earl. 381 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,641 You fired Earl. 382 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:27,893 Norm! Norm! 383 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,186 Norm. Norm. 384 00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:34,817 Sam, did you send this poor little lady out here to fire me? 385 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,610 No. 386 00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:42,158 All right. I'd never lie to you, Earl. Yes, yes, but don't you see, 387 00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:45,119 Rebecca's our friend and she needs the job. 388 00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:47,329 And I can't afford to hire both of you. 389 00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,832 And I'm sure you can go out and get a job some place. 390 00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:53,294 Well, of course I can, Sam. I just wish you'd told me to my face 391 00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,379 instead of handling it this way. 392 00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:58,424 I'm a little disappointed in you. 393 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,345 Please don't say that. 394 00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:09,351 I'm more than happy to step aside. I understand the importance of loyalty. 395 00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:13,731 You know, I've always believed that the only way to run a business 396 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:18,402 or a friendship or, hell, a life is through loyalty 397 00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:20,905 and commitment to other people. 398 00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:24,200 Gee, that's just what my father always used to say. 399 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:27,077 Ah, your father was right, missy. 400 00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:31,499 Hey, why don't you pick up a phone and give him a call. 401 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:38,798 Well... 402 00:21:39,882 --> 00:21:41,509 So long, everybody. 403 00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:43,969 Bye, Earl! 404 00:21:49,225 --> 00:21:50,851 Well, back to work. 405 00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:55,022 Sammy, that was Earl that just walked out of here. 406 00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:56,816 - Hey! - Yeah. 407 00:21:57,733 --> 00:22:00,069 I know, I know that. But I had to hire Rebecca back. 408 00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:01,987 I mean, she's our friend. 409 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:04,031 I can't afford both of them, don't you see? 410 00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:06,325 I mean, I had to go with a personal decision here. 411 00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:09,286 I'm sorry. I just hope you can live with it. 412 00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:11,664 Wait, wait, Sam, Sam! One question... 413 00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:12,665 What? 414 00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:14,375 Is this going to raise the price of beer? 415 00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:16,877 - No. - Then what do we care? 416 00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:18,629 Welcome back, Rebecca. 417 00:22:18,796 --> 00:22:20,923 For she's a jolly good fellow 418 00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:23,926 For she's a jolly good fellow... 419 00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:26,470 Shut up! I can't hear Daddy!