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00:00:01,627 --> 00:00:04,463
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:06,965
- Hey Woody.
- Hey.
3
00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:08,425
Hey, Woodster.
4
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,135
How's that first night
in your new apartment?
5
00:00:10,302 --> 00:00:13,805
Great Mr. Peterson.
It's the nicest place I've ever stayed at.
6
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,224
And that includes
the night in Hanover
7
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:17,726
I got locked in the storeroom
of the Piggly Wiggly.
8
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,271
It was cold and lonely,
but the food...
9
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,984
Anyway, it's no Piggly Wiggly,
but it's got cable.
10
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,111
Is it furnished?
11
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:29,821
Well, no, but it's got this cable
12
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that comes right out of the wall,
fits right into the TV.
13
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:36,662
I hope it's in a safer neighborhood
than that last dive you were in.
14
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:39,289
Well, no. actually,
it's a little worse,
15
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:41,625
but it's got cable.
16
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If it's unfurnished, you must be getting
a break on the rent, huh?
17
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,839
Well, no.
It's actually a little more,
18
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but you gotta expect that
with cable.
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Well, whatever.
I think cable's great.
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00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:54,513
They had RoboCop on last night.
21
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Did you catch that?
22
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,350
No. The cable was out last night.
23
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Afternoon, everybody.
24
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Norm!
25
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What can I do for you, Norm?
26
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Open up those beer taps
and take the day off, Sam.
27
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Here you go,
Sammy.
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Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah,
fellas, fellas.
29
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- Check them out.
- New napkins, huh?
30
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New napkins.
31
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,290
What is this?
32
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,667
Look, there's some kind
of brainteaser on them.
33
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:07,919
Yep. You're out of luck.
34
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,590
No, no. These are not brainteasers...
These are trivia napkins.
35
00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:12,841
Ever since
I got the bar back,
36
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,968
I've been looking for ways to say,
"Hey,"
37
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thank you for patronizing me."
38
00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:21,058
Oh, Sam. I know you wanted to use
a great, big word there.
39
00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:25,187
I think that's marvelous,
but I believe what you meant to say was,
40
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"Thank you for your patronage."
41
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:28,899
Really?
What's the difference?
42
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Patronage means customers.
43
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Patronizing is the way
one would talk to a small, dull child.
44
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,075
Kind of like how you're
talking to me right now?
45
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Aren't you cute?
46
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,246
Okay, all right, here's one.
47
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,458
"What is the oldest
state capital in the country?"
48
00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:47,417
For crying out loud, Norm,
49
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:48,919
I told you that weeks ago.
50
00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:51,171
Don't wreck it
for the rest of us, then, okay?
51
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:52,130
Providence, Rhode island.
52
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,090
Boston?
53
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:54,675
Santa Fe, New Mexico.
54
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Isn't that fascinating?
55
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,095
Good old Santa Fe.
56
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Ancient capital of the Conquistadors,
57
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,391
- Founded 1609.
- Hey, here's one.
58
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:06,019
"What civilization was the
first known to brew beer?"
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00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,646
- Early Greece?
- Ancient Rome.
60
00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:08,772
Old Milwaukee.
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00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:15,028
- Ancient Egypt.
- Get out.
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00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,739
I never knew that trivia
could be so fascinating.
63
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,408
Hold the phone here.
64
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:20,826
I gave you that fact
months ago.
65
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,912
- You said you weren't interested then.
- Well, you know, Cliff ie,
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00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:25,414
It's different
with the napkins.
67
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,710
What's so different?
68
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:33,380
Well, napkins don't spit
when they talk.
69
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,049
Oh, relax, Woody. You poor thing.
You have to stop worrying.
70
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,718
You're going to do
just fine.
71
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,220
You're going to do a great job.
Don't you think, Carla?
72
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,555
I think he's
going to bomb.
73
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,056
At what?
74
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,184
Beats me, but I think
I'm on pretty safe ground.
75
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,437
I know it's just a small
part in a commercial, but
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00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:50,939
I don't know if I have the skill,
or the technique to pull it off.
77
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What do you play,
Wood?
78
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,608
A bartender.
79
00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:59,614
Woody, you are a bartender.
80
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:03,201
Yeah, well, but in this commercial,
I have to serve drinks.
81
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,370
Woody, you serve drinks
all the time.
82
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,914
Yeah, but in this commercial,
I have to talk and serve drinks.
83
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,126
You talk and serve drinks
right here every day.
84
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,294
Great, Sam.
Now you've made me
85
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:13,962
nervous about working here, too.
86
00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,675
Woody, perhaps it would help you
87
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,344
to rehearse your lines with us.
88
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:22,637
I only have one.
89
00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:28,769
"I like it."
90
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,775
That's a very nice line, Woody.
91
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:37,110
- Patronizing, right?
- Now you're getting it.
92
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,865
I was kind of surprised
when I got the part.
93
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,784
They said they wanted
someone with a fresh face.
94
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,410
I don't know why they chose me.
95
00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,120
Hey, you're perfect.
96
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,790
Maybe when I just hopped
off the bus from Hanover,
97
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,000
but I've been in Boston
for five years.
98
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,794
It changes a guy.
99
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,171
Hardens him,
gives him a cynical edge.
100
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,008
Come on.
You're still fresh.
101
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,802
Jeepers, you think?
102
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:05,972
Trust me.
103
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,058
Sam, would you
come on down to the shoot with me
104
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,476
and keep telling me that?
105
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,186
Well, sure, Woody, yeah.
Why not?
106
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:12,646
Hey, Wood, can I go?
107
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,106
Come on. I never saw a commercial
be shot or anything like that.
108
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,359
Yeah, me neither.
Believe it or not,
109
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that's one of the few things
I don't know much about.
110
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,489
If you guys all come
down there with me,
111
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:26,409
it's going to look like I'm some big,
snobby star with an entourage.
112
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:29,246
All right, well, actually,
we'll just stay here.
113
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:32,249
- You tell us about it later.
- No, no. I like the idea.
114
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You guys can be my people.
115
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I got another idea.
116
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We'll all stop at the mall,
117
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We'll pick up satin jackets
and matching sunglasses.
118
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The door's not just
going to open itself.
119
00:05:57,399 --> 00:06:00,861
So, Jill, it's great to meet
such a talented actress.
120
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,154
Is there anything I can look forward
to seeing you in,
121
00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:05,365
like my shower?
122
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:09,035
You're really funny, Sam.
Did you ever think of doing stand-up?
123
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,914
Well, there's always
a first time for everything, I guess.
124
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This is spectacular.
125
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,586
Yeah. the magic of the movies,
huh, Normie?
126
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,087
No, the magic
of the doughnut table.
127
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,047
Look at this.
You got your glazed,
128
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,675
you got your chocolate,
you got your buttermilk.
129
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:26,636
Hey, who sucked all the filling
out of this Bavarian cream?
130
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:30,473
Got something to write on here?
She just gave me her number.
131
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,517
Yeah, yeah.
I got one of these trivia napkins.
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00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:34,436
Hey, my trivia napkins.
133
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I've been carrying it around.
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It's kind of a conversation starter.
135
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:39,316
Go ahead.
Ask me the questions.
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00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,818
You guys and your precious
trivia napkins.
137
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,528
If you love them so much,
why don't you marry them?
138
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Come on, man,
lighten up, will you?
139
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:49,951
By the way, Normie,
140
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I'm the one
who sucked all the filling
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00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,121
out of the Bavarian cream!
142
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,089
Guys, I'm ready.
How do I look?
143
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,507
All right.
You look great.
144
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,343
You've got, like, junk
all over your face.
145
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,011
Oh, pancake.
146
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,347
Whoa, is there a steam table
around here I'm missing?
147
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,974
No, no. Pancake is the make-up
they use in show business.
148
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,518
It's real thick and real heavy
and it covers every flaw.
149
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,896
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Vera uses that for primer.
150
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,314
Talent on the set,
please.
151
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:20,690
That's me.
I got to go.
152
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:26,029
Oh, hey, so this is Veggie-Boy.
153
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:27,280
No, no,
don't drink that.
154
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:30,116
We sprayed it with high-gloss latex
so it'll look better under the lights.
155
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We do it with all
the food we're shooting.
156
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,746
Hey, there's supposed to be a bowl
of beer nuts around here.
157
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:38,416
Sammy, you got to get
these kind of nuts for the bar.
158
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:41,294
They slide right down.
It's great.
159
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,254
Woody, this is your close-up.
160
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,423
Jill is going to
feed you your cue.
161
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Just look right in the camera
and say, "I like it."
162
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I like it.
163
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Not now, Woody.
164
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:51,846
No, I mean, I like
your direction.
165
00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:53,807
It's very forceful,
very to the point.
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Let's go.
167
00:07:56,935 --> 00:08:00,355
Veggie-Boy bartender close-up,
take one.
168
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:01,439
Rolling.
169
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,566
And... action.
170
00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,610
So, how is this new drink
Veggie-Boy?
171
00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:06,903
I--
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00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,738
Cut!
173
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:11,783
Mr. Peterson made a goofy face.
174
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,996
I did not.
It's my normal expression.
175
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:16,997
Stop it!
176
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,165
Woody, could we have your friend
wait out in the hallway?
177
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,793
- I didn't do anything.
- Quit looking so goofy.
178
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,590
- Take two.
- If you insist.
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00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,636
Action.
180
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:34,764
So, how is this new drink
Veggie-Boy?
181
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:40,770
I'm sorry.
I'll go join my goofy friend.
182
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,523
What?
183
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:44,983
Oh, here you go.
184
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,654
Once again.
Action.
185
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:52,157
So, how is this new drink
Veggie-Boy?
186
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:01,458
I like it.
187
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,668
Cut! Print!
That's it! Great!
188
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:04,794
Let's get out of here.
189
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,260
Thanks for not
being funny, Mr. Clavin.
190
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,852
Woody, when is the commercial
going to be on?
191
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:23,313
I've seen this Quincy
five times.
192
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,148
It's coming right up, Carla.
Next break.
193
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:26,524
Some coroner.
194
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,651
Every week he has
to dig up the body
195
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:32,405
to find something
he missed the first time.
196
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,074
Oh, what a surprise!
197
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,700
He found a bullet
in the skull.
198
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,329
Quiet, everybody!
It's on.
199
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:41,081
All right, turn it up,
Miss Howe.
200
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,415
New Veggie-Boy.
201
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,043
Available in regular and chunky.
202
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,378
So, how is this
new drink Veggie-Boy?
203
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:48,755
I like it.
204
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:49,923
Hey, hey!
205
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,180
Wonderful performance,
Woody.
206
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,641
Woody, we always knew
you had it in you to be a corporate shill.
207
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:02,769
Yeah.
Thanks, Dr. Crane.
208
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,271
Thanks, all of you,
for throwing me this great party.
209
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,898
But it isn't over yet, Woody.
210
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:08,066
I took the liberty
211
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:11,152
of ordering 23 cases
of Veggie-Boy.
212
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,821
We're the first ones
in town to have it,
213
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:16,699
And, Woody, first taste
goes to you.
214
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,662
Wow!
215
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,372
My first Veggie-Boy.
216
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,457
- Hey!
- Yay! All right!
217
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,626
Veggie-Boy is chock-full
of all the vegetables...
218
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:30,171
Oh, it's disgusting!
219
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:32,549
Woody, shh, shh!
220
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,342
Look, you're on channel seven.
221
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:35,385
I like it.
222
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:36,845
I don't like it.
I hate it!
223
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,638
- I like it.
- Shut up, Woody!
224
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:39,889
- I like it.
- You hate it!
225
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,766
You're a liar!
A filthy, rotten liar!
226
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:44,519
I like it. I like it. I like it.
227
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:45,937
Somebody make him stop!
228
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,898
I like it. I like it. I like it.
229
00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:58,741
I can't believe I was just
on 14 channels saying I like this stuff
230
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,326
when I really hate it.
231
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,370
That's 15 channels, Woody.
232
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,205
Everybody always forgets Lifetime.
233
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:07,125
Woody, wait a minute now.
234
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,418
It can't be that bad, here.
235
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,336
Let's take a look
at the ingredients.
236
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:14,257
Water, broccoli, cauliflower,
and kale.
237
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:18,052
Well, maybe it just sounds
bad in black and white.
238
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,395
Kale was not a good idea.
239
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,989
Oh, Woody, Woody,
shoot, I just forgot here.
240
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:40,033
This came for you.
It looks like
241
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,702
something from the commercial company.
Probably a paycheck.
242
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,038
I can't cash that.
I can't even open it.
243
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,248
That'd be like
paying me for lying.
244
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,833
My mother always
told me that lying
245
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,710
is the worst
of the seven deadly sins.
246
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,003
Wait, wait. Lying is
247
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,838
one of the seven
deadly sins?
248
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:57,926
Yeah. 'course it is.
You got lust, greed, bashful...
249
00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:04,641
That's the seven
deadly dwarfs.
250
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:05,892
Woody, hold on a second.
251
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,727
Listen, sometimes
lying can be good.
252
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:11,272
I remember when I was
playing for the Sox.
253
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:12,941
One day there was
a rumor going around
254
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:15,902
that a backup catcher
was about to be cut.
255
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,862
Everybody knew about it
except him.
256
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:21,115
We found out on the exact day
that it was his birthday.
257
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,201
He came up to me and he said,
"Sam, is it true?
258
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:24,786
Am I going to be cut
from the team?"
259
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:26,537
I looked him right in the eye
260
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:29,123
And I said, "No. Happy birthday."
261
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:32,126
And that guy went off
and had the best birthday of his life.
262
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:35,004
And as it turns out,
the next day, he wasn't even cut.
263
00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:38,716
So it's better
that you lied to him.
264
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:39,968
Wow.
265
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:41,886
That's a great story, Sam.
266
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:43,805
You've given me
a lot to think about. Thanks.
267
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:53,147
Sam...
Is that stuff really true?
268
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:55,441
Well, most of it. Yeah.
269
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,944
I wasn't the catcher,
270
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,612
it was me,
271
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,406
and I was cut,
272
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,992
and the fellas didn't have
any problem telling me about it.
273
00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:08,746
But it was my birthday.
274
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,540
Happy birthday, liar.
275
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,631
Where's Woody?
276
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,634
He's in the poolroom,
hating himself for lying.
277
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,886
Oh. I thought he'd gotten over that.
278
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:27,181
Yeah, well, he's trying,
but somebody keeps reminding him
279
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:28,474
every five minutes.
280
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,979
Hey, Pinocchio!
281
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:37,317
It's 5:00. Do you know
where your commercial's playing?
282
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:40,486
Carla, that's just
a little bit sadistic, isn't it?
283
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,530
Yeah, but I like Woody.
284
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,284
Boy, he's really taking it hard.
285
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,994
Yeah, poor kid.
286
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,829
I really feel sorry for him.
287
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,539
Hey, what do you say
we pass the time
288
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:54,375
with one of these
trivia napkins here?
289
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:58,963
Oh, so you're finally starting
to enjoy these jobbies, huh?
290
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,757
Eh, I was acting
like a big baby there, Sam.
291
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:04,594
I know you guys like me a lot more
than some cheap stack of paper.
292
00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,304
Yeah, whatever.
293
00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:12,268
This is the most boring
napkin we've come across.
294
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:13,770
What's the question?
295
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,105
Who can tell?
It looks as though it was homemade,
296
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,857
it's like some moron typed it
297
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,567
on some old
manual typewriter.
298
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:23,613
How odd.
Read the question.
299
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:27,158
This is not a napkin.
It's a cry for help.
300
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,412
All right.
301
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,790
So I forged the napkin.
Can you blame me?
302
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,958
I've been sitting here
for the better part of the eighties
303
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,503
trying to enliven the discussion
and broaden a few horizons
304
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,713
with the benefit of my special brand
of arcane knowledge,
305
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,257
and then these stupid
napkins come waltzing in,
306
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:44,801
and then I'm out.
307
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:47,136
Well, I've had it.
308
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:49,305
It's time to make a choice, fellas.
309
00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:51,391
Me... or the napkins?
310
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:00,483
Or both.
Maybe we can alternate.
311
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:05,446
A round of drinks
for my friends here.
312
00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:07,031
Yeah!
313
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,492
I'd like to see a napkin do that, huh?
314
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,619
Excuse me.
Can I get some service?
315
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:14,622
- I'm sorry. What can I get you?
- What do you recommend?
316
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:17,750
What's the difference?
You wouldn't believe me anyway.
317
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,502
I'm just an incorrigible liar
318
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:21,462
pumping a handcart to hell.
319
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:25,633
Woody, why are you torturing yourself
like this?
320
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,176
Because I deserve it.
321
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,178
I lied to America.
322
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:32,682
I lied to that all-important
18- to 35-year-old target group.
323
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,434
Woody, you only feel
that you're a liar
324
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,853
because you endorsed a product
you don't like.
325
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,771
What if you could actually learn
to like it?
326
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,816
How am I going to learn to like
broccoli, cauliflower, and kale?
327
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:45,778
Well, Wood, some things you have to
sort of develop a taste for slowly.
328
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,364
All right, look,
give me a beer, okay?
329
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:51,576
Now, we'll put a stalk of broccoli
in that beer, okay?
330
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,327
You drink the beer
and the beer taste
331
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:57,415
is going to kill the taste of the broccoli,
but slowly, you'll get used to it, okay?
332
00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:58,708
We don't have any broccoli.
333
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,252
Well, thanks for the beer.
334
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:05,256
You know, Woody,
335
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:07,383
the way Ma got me used
to a new vegetable,
336
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:10,261
like, say,
brussels sprouts,
337
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:11,971
she used to put a few
in each of my pockets
338
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,348
and have me walk around
with them all day.
339
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,434
Well, thanks,
Mr. Clavin,
340
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,394
but brussels sprouts
aren't the problem.
341
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:21,481
You should try it anyway.
It's a nice feeling.
342
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:23,983
Woody.
343
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,319
Woody, you know,
Sigmund Freud
344
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,071
might suggest that
your aversion to vegetables
345
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,491
stems from some early
childhood trauma.
346
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:32,533
Pffft.
347
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,245
You sputtered, my darling?
348
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:37,747
Honestly, Frasier.
349
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,707
You must be the last
psychiatrist on Earth
350
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:42,126
Who hasn't abandoned
Sigmund Freud's theories.
351
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:43,836
What are you saying?
352
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:47,590
Merely that his theories
are outdated, sexist superstitions
353
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,884
unsupported by a shred
of clinical evidence.
354
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:50,927
You're drunk.
355
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:55,139
My wife is completely
smashed, blotto.
356
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:59,227
Sam, no more boilermakers
for Dr. Sternin-Crane.
357
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:00,770
Frasier, I've had nothing to drink.
358
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:04,440
Ah, the worst kind
of drunk.
359
00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,359
For your information,
360
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,569
Sigmund Freud has a lot to teach
us about Woody's problem.
361
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,780
I dare say that
if the Master were with us today,
362
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:13,783
he would, after striking Lilith,
363
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:17,036
tell us that Woody is suffering
from a subconscious barrier,
364
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:20,623
easily removed
by some elemental Freudian analysis.
365
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:22,667
Isn't there anything faster?
366
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:25,920
Oh, many things,
but nothing quite as lucrative.
367
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,423
But, if you wish instant relief,
368
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:31,676
I suppose we could try a little...
369
00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:33,469
Well, post-hypnotic suggestion.
370
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:34,512
Pffft.
371
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:41,727
Another wet objection,
my love?
372
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,813
Hypnosis, Frasier?
373
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:46,357
Why only go back a century
for your treatment?
374
00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,401
Why not bleed him
with leeches
375
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,902
or drill a hole
in his cranium
376
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,572
and let the evil
spirits leak out?
377
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,825
Ignore her, Woody.
It's the gin talking.
378
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:58,160
Or maybe the reason he
doesn't like vegetables
379
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:00,538
is because they remind him
of his mother.
380
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:01,872
Oohhh.
381
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:05,376
Hey, hypnosis, huh?
382
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:06,502
That's cool, Doc.
383
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:09,297
Sam, hypnosis is not a parlor game,
384
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:11,841
although last week at a party,
I did get quite a few laughs
385
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:14,302
by hypnotizing Lilith
into removing her shoes
386
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:16,470
whenever anyone
mentioned brie cheese.
387
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,472
Frasier,
you did no such thing.
388
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,435
Very funny.
389
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,478
I don't know if hypnotism
will work on me, Dr. Crane.
390
00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:25,896
I'm pretty
strong-willed.
391
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,732
Then what's she?
Brie cheese?
392
00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:32,695
Stop that.
393
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:35,948
Woody, let's go into the office
and watch that watch.
394
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,367
Oh, for God's sake,
Frasier,
395
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:41,954
First you espouse Sigmund Freud,
now you've moved on to Dr. Mesmer.
396
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,457
This is not professional conduct.
397
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,042
Point taken, my darling.
398
00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:49,545
By the way,
is that a tambourine behind you?
399
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:51,505
A tambourine?
400
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:53,466
What an odd question.
401
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,969
You are in such trouble, Mister.
402
00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,312
You know, I was thinking.
403
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,564
What is kale anyway?
404
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,524
It's some kind of a lettuce thing
405
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,443
they use in salad bars, isn't it?
406
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,487
- Oh.
- No, kale is not a green per se
407
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,364
but more of a family of greens.
408
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,532
See, anything with a pungent aroma
and a loose head
409
00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:20,368
can properly be called "kale."
410
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:22,328
Get you another beer, kale?
411
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:26,874
Boy, I feel like I've been asleep
for 100 years.
412
00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:28,250
Did it work?
413
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:29,377
Well, there's only one way
to find out.
414
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:31,128
Sam, set us up.
415
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,756
Yeah, I think I got
a couple left here.
416
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,342
All right.
417
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:37,510
Now, watch, Lilith,
418
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:40,179
and all the rest
of you naysayers.
419
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:44,100
So, how is this
new drink Veggie-Boy?
420
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:50,314
I like it.
421
00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:51,399
Yeah, right.
422
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:54,402
No, I really like it.
I love it.
423
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,404
Boy, you know,
I'm not a liar anymore.
424
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,407
- All right.
- Hey, hey.
425
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:01,617
Oh, you can really
taste the kale.
426
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,332
You know what this means?
427
00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:10,334
Now that I'm not
a liar anymore,
428
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:11,711
I can take that envelope
429
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,587
and I can cash that check
at the bank,
430
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:16,882
and I can just spend it all
on Veggie-Boy.
431
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,926
Whoo! Hey, you really
did a number on him.
432
00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:21,470
- Look at him go there.
- Woody's highly suggestible.
433
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,347
I had the mission accomplished
in five minutes.
434
00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:24,807
You had him under
for two hours.
435
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,100
What were you doing
the rest of the time?
436
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,143
Just snooping.
437
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:30,271
We'll--
we'll talk later.
438
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:34,817
I don't understand this.
439
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,445
It's not a check.
It's a letter from the ad agency.
440
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:39,238
What's it say?
441
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,365
It says that due to lack
of consumer interest,
442
00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:43,951
they're discontinuing the product.
What does that mean?
443
00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:46,871
I think it means they're not going
to make Veggie-Boy anymore.
444
00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:48,706
I guess
nobody liked it.
445
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:50,249
How could they
not like it?
446
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,209
It's broccoli, cauliflower, and kale.
447
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:56,672
- Has America gone mad?
- Wood, it's not that great, okay?
448
00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:59,967
Shut up, Mr. Peterson.
Don't talk bad about Veggie-Boy.
449
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,845
Nice work,
Dr. Frankenstein.
450
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:05,139
If they're going to stop making it,
how am I going to get it?
451
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:07,057
I need my veggie-boy.
452
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:08,809
This is all there is?
453
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:12,563
This isn't even going to
last me through the night.
454
00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,231
Woody, let's go back in the office.
455
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:15,649
I know, I know. I can take this
456
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:16,942
to a lab and have it analyzed.
457
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:18,319
I can make my own.
458
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:22,156
You know, I got a blender.
I'll move back to Indiana.
459
00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:24,116
- I'll grow kale.
- Woody, watch the watch.
460
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:27,203
Get that watch out of my face,
old man. I got crops to plant.
461
00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:29,371
Woody, you need my help!
462
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:31,874
I don't need your help.
All I need's three tons of topsoil
463
00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:33,542
and a big yellow tractor.
464
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:34,668
Tractor.
465
00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:36,337
The Sun'll come out
466
00:21:36,504 --> 00:21:37,797
Tomorrow...
467
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:40,132
Lilith, lower your damn skirt
and watch the watch!