1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,296
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,468
Oh, no.
3
00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:11,053
You got some
car trouble?
4
00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:14,056
Every time it gets cold,
my stupid battery dies.
5
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,474
Got to get a new one?
6
00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,976
No. That's all right.
I got one right here.
7
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:20,771
Hey, Norm,
close the hood.
8
00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:22,940
Start walking real fast.
9
00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:43,812
Hey, guys, how do I look?
10
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,023
Hey, Major Spiffy.
11
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,774
That's right.
Today's the big day, isn't it?
12
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,901
Yep. Kelly's
coming back from France.
13
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,403
She's hopping the pond, eh?
14
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,946
The what?
15
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,907
The pond.
It's a reference to the Atlantic.
16
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,411
The Atlantic is an ocean,
not a pond, Dr. Crane.
17
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,581
How many of those
have you had?
18
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,209
Apparently not enough.
19
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,463
Boy, I am
really nervous.
20
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,382
It seems like Kelly's
been gone a year.
21
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,384
How long
has she been gone?
22
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:15,469
A year.
23
00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:20,057
Can I put some ice
in that drink for you, Dr. Crane?
24
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:23,935
Hey, guys.
25
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,938
I just put a down payment
on immortality.
26
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:28,940
Yeah, what are you
talking about?
27
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,526
I'm sorry.
It just slipped out.
28
00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:34,905
The miracle of cryogenics.
29
00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:37,324
Oh, that thing
where they freeze you?
30
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,408
Yeah. Go ahead,
take a look.
31
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,077
You know,
when my number is up,
32
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,913
I'll be frozen and preserved
in a subzero container
33
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,416
Moments after, a doctor declares me
legally brain-dead.
34
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,543
Boy, that's a tough call.
35
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,171
You know, in this brochure,
36
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,548
these containers look kind of small.
37
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,468
They don't freeze your entire body.
No, just the brain part.
38
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,470
They cut off your head
and freeze it?
39
00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:01,598
What do they do with the rest
of your body, throw it away?
40
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:02,974
Well, it's a start.
41
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:07,813
Cliff, this corporation wouldn't be owned
by a dog food company, would it?
42
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:10,774
I want to get this straight.
43
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,317
So when it's time
for you to thaw,
44
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,444
what do they do,
they put your head in a plastic bag
45
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,948
and plop you
in some boiling water for three minutes?
46
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,951
Sammy, Sammy,
this is science, not lean cuisine.
47
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:24,746
Hey, Clavin on ice. That's nice.
48
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,498
Now, wait a minute.
49
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,458
Why is everybody
making fun of Cliff?
50
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,336
Now, I'm not saying that I believe
that Cliff's severed head
51
00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:33,880
will be brought back
to life in the year 2278
52
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,384
to charm and delight
a new generation of Bostonians,
53
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:38,885
but who knows?
54
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,804
I mean, who can
predict the future?
55
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:42,180
Hey, look, everybody.
56
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:45,225
It's Clavin's family reunion.
57
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,728
That's it. I'm out of here.
58
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,230
I'll have real friends
in 2278.
59
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,232
Oh, yeah,
you and the other severed heads
60
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,192
can go bowling or something.
61
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,364
Hello, Woody.
62
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:00,615
Kelly.
63
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,076
Boy, I've missed you, Kelly.
64
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,370
I've missed you, too, Woody.
65
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:08,707
I brought you a present.
It's a real French beret.
66
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,376
- Ta-da!
- Oh, wow.
67
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:12,586
It was between this one
68
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,296
and the one with
the arrow through it.
69
00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:17,132
Oh, well, this one's nice, too.
70
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:20,177
Surprise!
I got them both.
71
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,804
Ohh! This is going to be fun.
72
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,931
This is going to be
just like old times.
73
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,684
I can't wait.
So what do you feel like doing?
74
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,436
I don't know.
What do you feel like doing?
75
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,354
I don't know.
What do you feel like doing?
76
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:34,649
Gosh. This is
just like old times.
77
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:37,444
Listen, maybe Henri
will know what to do.
78
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:38,737
Who?
79
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:41,698
Henri, my new best friend
from Paris.
80
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,366
Woody, this is Henri.
81
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:44,868
Henri, this is Woody.
82
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:47,871
Ah, Woody. Yes.
I've heard so much about you.
83
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,873
Give me 40 bucks, please.
84
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,958
I have to pay for the cab.
85
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:55,086
Thanks.
86
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:57,672
I'll be right back.
87
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:07,849
Kelly, did that guy just
take me for 40 bucks,
88
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,352
kiss you twice,
and leave?
89
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,854
Woody, you're so American.
90
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:15,440
Henri is my photography teacher.
91
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:17,275
He's the greatest.
92
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,069
He showed me all of Paris,
93
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:21,071
taught me all
about French food,
94
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,448
taught me not to be
ashamed of my body,
95
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:26,451
and he lectured me
in history and art.
96
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:29,621
Wait, wait, wait.
Can we go back to that body thing?
97
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,624
Henri took some
art photographs of me.
98
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,251
They were very tasteful.
99
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:35,794
Now, hold on.
100
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,295
You guys aren't...
101
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:39,840
No. Of course not.
102
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,299
He's just here
on vacation.
103
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:42,884
Sure, he's always joking
104
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,428
about how he's going to
steal me away from you,
105
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:46,847
but he's only kidding.
106
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,559
Are you sure?
107
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:53,436
Henri, you're going to love this.
108
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,355
Woody thinks you really are
109
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,148
trying to steal me
away from him.
110
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,193
Oh. Ha ha ha!
111
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,654
Oh, that's so funny.
112
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:05,949
I am, you know.
113
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,578
Right out from under your nose.
114
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:14,082
See how he is, Woody?
He really cracks me up.
115
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:16,626
Yeah. That's a good one.
116
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:21,047
I got one for you, Henri.
117
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,466
Get your hands
off my girlfriend.
118
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:26,469
Henri, if you'll excuse us
a moment...
119
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,973
Woody, I think you were
a little rude to Henri just now.
120
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,851
Yeah, well I think Henri
was a little rude, too.
121
00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:35,103
He's supposed to be rude.
He's French.
122
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:38,607
I'm Sam Malone,
by the way.
123
00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:40,942
Oh! I've heard about you
in France.
124
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,320
- Oh, yeah. You follow baseball?
- No.
125
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,739
- Stewardesses.
- Ah.
126
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:50,452
When I first came in,
127
00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,787
I was afraid
that you were Woody,
128
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:56,124
but then when I saw the real thing,
I was most relieved.
129
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:58,084
Why is that?
130
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,669
No competition.
131
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,129
I could steal Kelly
132
00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:04,341
with both hands
tied behind my back.
133
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:05,425
Ooh.
134
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:12,307
Listen...
135
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:13,808
Kelly's Woody's girlfriend.
136
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:16,895
I'm sure you could have
any woman you wanted.
137
00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:22,567
I know, but Kelly
is so innocent and naive.
138
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,653
I love to change that.
139
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:27,739
Boy, I'm kind of torn here.
140
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:29,658
I mean, Woody's
my closest friend,
141
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,744
but that is
a real solid argument.
142
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,377
You know, Woody may
surprise you there.
143
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,379
You know, he looks
like a pushover,
144
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:44,214
but he's got his way
with women.
145
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,549
Oh, no, I've been shot
through the head!
146
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,426
I've been shot
through the head!
147
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,513
I'll take my chances.
148
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:04,025
Come on, Woody. Woody,
how about this one?
149
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,026
Knock, knock.
150
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,653
Who's there?
151
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,280
Henri, the guy
who's going to steal your girlfriend.
152
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:12,659
Now, Henri,
153
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,327
this is getting a little tiresome.
154
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,662
Oh?
155
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,748
I'm kidding.
It's really cute.
156
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:21,584
Oh.
157
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:24,087
Woody, why don't you
get us some drinks?
158
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,923
Three sodas, Sam.
159
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,341
You know, Woody,
160
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:29,884
I'd watch out for that guy
if I were you.
161
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,886
Oh, I know
he's annoying, Carla,
162
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,388
but Kelly swears
163
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:36,307
he's just joking around
to get my goat.
164
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,601
I don't think he's joking
around there, Woody.
165
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,103
I don't think so,
either.
166
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,563
I mean, the French
aren't exactly known
167
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,023
for their sense of humor.
168
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,400
What do you mean?
169
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:47,402
Well, let me
put it this way--
170
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:50,655
Their comic hero
is Jerry Lewis.
171
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,076
What's your point?
172
00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:00,081
Yeah.
What's your point?
173
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,376
Oh, Henri,
that's impossible.
174
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,919
No one can do that.
175
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:07,380
No, it's true.
I'll show you.
176
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,840
What are you guys doing?
177
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,341
Henri says
he can teach me
178
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:13,845
to tie a knot in a cherry stem
with my tongue.
179
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,346
Here. We'll demonstrate.
180
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:17,682
I'll be the cherry stem.
181
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,684
Hold it. Hold it.
That's it, frogman.
182
00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:21,352
Get away
from my girlfriend.
183
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,314
I know what you're thinking.
184
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:26,441
You're thinking
you're more sophisticated than me
185
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,943
and classier than me
and smarter than me
186
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:31,446
and that you got
better hair than mine
187
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,448
and that
you're taller than me,
188
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,700
and you got
that strong jawline.
189
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:37,869
What was my point?
190
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:40,955
Oh, yeah.
You get out of here
191
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,833
Before I kick your butt
back to the Eiffel Tower!
192
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,461
Very well.
193
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,505
But I do feel
194
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,049
I should be allowed
to say something in my defense.
195
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:52,717
Go ahead.
196
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:55,386
I'm going to steal
your girlfriend.
197
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,405
I can't believe Kelly
would be so mad at me
198
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,282
just because I stood up
to Henri.
199
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,410
It's like she's starting to
like him better than me.
200
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:23,039
Hey, Sam,
you don't think that...
201
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:26,126
Maybe they've been to...
202
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,628
To... the back of the barn?
203
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,965
I was going to say
to bed together.
204
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,470
What is the back of the barn?
What does that mean?
205
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:43,017
That's--That's where
the compost heap is.
206
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,651
I can't think of anyplace
less romantic.
207
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,742
Back of the...
208
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,997
I don't think they've
slept together yet, Woody,
209
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,332
but I would be
concerned about Henri.
210
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,001
I mean,
I know guys like this.
211
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,087
I mean, I am
a guy like this.
212
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,257
What can I do, Sam?
213
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,259
Well, how's--how's your love life,
214
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,011
I mean, the physical part?
215
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,554
Well, I can't speak for Kelly,
216
00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:21,681
but I'm looking forward to it.
217
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,438
You're telling me
218
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,732
that you and Kelly
haven't slept together?
219
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:34,402
Well, we did once
when we went to see Old Gringo,
220
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,404
but the whole row
was snoring.
221
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:45,288
Well, you know, I think
this may be your problem here, Wood.
222
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,457
Well...
223
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:50,168
I always figured we'd wait
until after we were married.
224
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,545
That's the way
everybody in Hanover does it,
225
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,964
except for that couple
that teaches art at the high school.
226
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:01,721
I think waiting for marriage
is a wonderful idea.
227
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,389
I wish I had.
228
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:06,392
I also wish
that I'd studied harder in college
229
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,728
and maybe gone for
a different career.
230
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,563
Maybe engineering.
231
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,733
And you know,
Boston was a bad move.
232
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,905
And then, I mean, of course,
you can't choose your own parents,
233
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,406
but if I could have,
234
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,491
I would have chosen two
235
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:22,742
that were more supportive,
236
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,327
you know, like Brian Keith
237
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,537
and Maureen O'Hara
in The Parent Trap.
238
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,917
Woody, is this helping you?
239
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,502
Well, even if it isn't,
240
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,921
just thinking about
The Parent Trap for a moment
241
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,256
made me feel good.
242
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,643
What do you think
about premarital sex, Mr. P?
243
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,770
Well, Wood, there's
an old saying--
244
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,981
You know,
"Why buy the cow
245
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:54,774
when you can get
the milk for free?"
246
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,444
Then, of course,
you get married,
247
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,322
and you wake up one day
and realize,
248
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:05,118
"Oh, my God, I've married a cow."
249
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,548
Thanks, Mr. P.
250
00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:21,926
Hey, Sam,
what if we do it
251
00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:23,928
and it becomes like a crutch
252
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:26,139
and we rely on it
for the rest of our lives?
253
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,474
Well, then you know
you did it right.
254
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,894
But you better hurry,
or Henri's going to beat you to it.
255
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,148
All right.
256
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,816
I'm going to go
through with it.
257
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,027
- All right.
- Yeah. Right.
258
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:40,695
If it's going to happen,
259
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,530
it's got to be wonderful.
260
00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:44,407
Where can we go?
We can't go to her place
261
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:45,825
because her dad's home.
262
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,494
Well, then, why don't you
go to a motel?
263
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:52,498
This is all second nature to you,
isn't it, Sam?
264
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,260
Look at him, will you?
265
00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:06,262
Walking out of here a boy.
266
00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:08,264
He's going to come back...
267
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:09,974
A happy boy.
268
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,518
Everyone,
269
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,480
this is Dr. Eugene Eckworth,
270
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:18,149
a renowned scientist and surgeon,
271
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:20,818
a man who not only believes
in cryogenics,
272
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:23,154
but has just performed
the procedure
273
00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:24,989
you all scorned
so zestfully.
274
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:26,991
Yes. I am in the process
275
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:29,118
of transferring one
of our thermostatic clients
276
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,661
to a storage facility.
277
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:34,040
My good friend Frasier asked
me to stop by for a drink.
278
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:38,878
You're telling me
279
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,547
you brought a severed head
into the bar?
280
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,175
We got to have a policy
against that, don't we?
281
00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:45,968
Hey.
282
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:48,554
Don't worry. It's frozen.
283
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,932
It's not like
it's going to go bad or anything.
284
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,768
Say, a game of pool, gene?
285
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:57,188
- You can leave the head there.
- Oh, that's just fine.
286
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,149
Ooh. Weird-looking box.
287
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,609
What's in there?
288
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:03,111
I don't know.
289
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:04,779
Why don't you look?
290
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,697
- Okay.
- No, no. Don't do that.
291
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,367
There's a frozen severed head
in that thing.
292
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:12,870
Oh, give me a break, Sam.
293
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:15,081
She's right.
There's no head in there.
294
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,916
Then why doesn't
somebody open it?
295
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,669
You're kind of in charge
of all the body parts around here,
296
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:20,837
aren't you, Sam?
297
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,256
All right. Well...
298
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,758
I'll open it up,
take a quick look,
299
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,051
see that there's no head in there,
300
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:29,345
- and then I'll just shut it up again.
- Okay.
301
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,014
This is--
302
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,606
Well?
303
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,608
I can't see
anything in there.
304
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,068
Help me.
305
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,153
- Aah!
- Aah!
306
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:52,285
Well, look
who's laughing now, huh?
307
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:56,622
Help me. Help me.
308
00:15:56,789 --> 00:16:00,126
You guys are running away
from a tape recorder.
309
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:02,753
Cliff, I must admit
that was funny.
310
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,088
Thanks a lot, Gene.
311
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,173
No problem, Frase.
312
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:06,716
Take care.
313
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:09,051
Hey, Doc, that was great.
Congratulations.
314
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,637
We make a good team, you and me.
We showed them.
315
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,556
Hey, how would you like
316
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:16,142
to play a trick like that
on somebody else tomorrow, huh?
317
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,518
Wouldn't that be great?
318
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,562
Lot of people
I'd like to get even with--
319
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:21,981
Guys down at the post office,
320
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:24,317
all the people
in my apartment complex.
321
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:27,320
Ma. Ooh, I'd love to nail her.
322
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,489
Help me.
323
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:41,292
Well, here's your room,
Mr. and Mrs. Malone.
324
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,631
Well, thank you.
325
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:49,675
My wife and I really enjoy
getting away from the kids
326
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,219
for a relaxing evening.
327
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,637
By the way, honey,
328
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:54,514
shouldn't we call
the babysitter
329
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,433
and tell her there's some
chicken in the fridge?
330
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,435
The little woman
is a great cook.
331
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:02,897
Almost makes putting up
with the mother-in-law worthwhile.
332
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,565
You two aren't married,
are you?
333
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:06,776
No.
334
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,614
Gee. You really had me
going there for a while.
335
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,461
Well...
336
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:27,672
This is it.
337
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:31,259
Just you and me
alone together.
338
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,596
So, what should we do first?
339
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,392
We could kiss.
340
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,770
Yeah. We've done that lots of times.
341
00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:43,771
Yeah.
342
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:17,680
Boy, I've never felt
this self-conscious about kissing.
343
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,599
My lips feel huge.
344
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:25,313
Well, they've always been full.
345
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:26,814
Really?
346
00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:30,276
They feel like two big pieces of liver
slapping together.
347
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:37,158
Oh, no.
I can hardly talk.
348
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:42,246
Woody, I think we're both
a little bit nervous.
349
00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:44,040
So why don't we...
350
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:45,875
...lie down and relax?
351
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,001
Okay?
352
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,146
Oh... Hey,
353
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,066
this is one of those
vibrating beds.
354
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,026
I always wanted
to try this.
355
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,489
Oh, darn.
I dropped the quarter.
356
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:17,907
I have another quarter.
357
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,033
No, I'll get it.
358
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,041
I'll turn it off.
359
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,090
Boy, I don't know why
people like this.
360
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:45,184
Let me kiss
your head, Woody.
361
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:47,770
Does that feel better?
362
00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:51,148
Yeah, that feels
a lot better.
363
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,193
Oh, no.
It's the manager.
364
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,570
He figured out
we're not married.
365
00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:00,408
Woody, you told him
we're not married.
366
00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:03,244
Then I guess it was easy
for him to piece together.
367
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,664
Woody, open the door!
368
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,751
Carla, what are you doing here?
369
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,253
Good. You're still dressed.
370
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,588
Thank God I'm not too late.
371
00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:17,383
I knew I would find
you guys here.
372
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:18,968
I got to talk to you guys
373
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,428
before you make what could be
374
00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:22,722
the worst mistake of your lives.
375
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,890
What's she talking about, Woody?
376
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,976
I'm talking about
you two getting together
377
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,979
in this motel room
for all the wrong reasons.
378
00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,898
She's talking about the two of us
getting together in this motel room
379
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,108
for all the wrong reasons.
380
00:20:36,694 --> 00:20:37,611
Kids...
381
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:45,077
Making love...
382
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,789
...is a very special thing
between two people.
383
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,042
You don't want
to throw that away
384
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:55,171
just so you can beat some
Frenchman to the punch.
385
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,048
Believe me.
386
00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:03,053
I came to this motel
when I was 16 years old.
387
00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:04,972
You know what happened?
388
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:08,058
I got knocked up.
389
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:09,560
And...
390
00:21:09,727 --> 00:21:11,061
Here I am,
391
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:12,646
eight kids later,
392
00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:16,901
trying to talk you kids out
of making the same mistake.
393
00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:18,235
Carla's right.
394
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:21,071
When it happens,
it has to be special.
395
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:25,034
It has to be the most
meaningful thing in the whole world.
396
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:28,412
You know, if it were up to me...
397
00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:31,540
I--I think
we should wait.
398
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,793
You mean
until we're married?
399
00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:38,798
No. Until I can afford
a nice room at The Four Seasons
400
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,549
instead of some cheap motel.
401
00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:42,092
No offense, Carla.
402
00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:44,887
I know this place
has sentimental meaning to you.
403
00:21:45,846 --> 00:21:47,014
Let's go.
404
00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:51,310
Boy, I'm glad I could
help you guys.
405
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:54,230
I don't know how
to thank you, Carla.
406
00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:55,815
Yeah. It's okay.
407
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:03,989
See, I told you
I could get us a vacancy.
408
00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:05,658
Come on, Frenchie.
409
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:13,791
Here's your big chance.
410
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:17,211
Steal me away from Woody.
411
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:26,595
Hey, Doc,
where is everybody?
412
00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:28,097
Seen Norm?
413
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:29,640
Well, Cliff...
414
00:22:29,807 --> 00:22:31,141
Norm was pretty upset
415
00:22:31,308 --> 00:22:34,687
about our little severed head gag
this afternoon.
416
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:38,148
He's been moping
in the poolroom all day.
417
00:22:38,315 --> 00:22:39,650
I don't know.
418
00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:41,151
Oh, yeah, yeah.
419
00:22:41,318 --> 00:22:43,529
It was meant to be a joke.
420
00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,531
Hey, Norm!
Come on out here, will you?
421
00:22:45,698 --> 00:22:47,408
I didn't mean to scare you.
422
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,869
You know, let me--
let me go see if he's okay.
423
00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:55,124
Oh, my God!
424
00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:57,960
Cliff ie!
425
00:22:59,253 --> 00:23:00,963
Aah! Aah!
426
00:23:06,260 --> 00:23:08,470
Aah!
427
00:23:13,684 --> 00:23:15,269
Very funny, Frase.
428
00:23:15,436 --> 00:23:17,104
Hey, I go where the thrills are.