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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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Okay. Here's one. Hayley Mills
playing herself and her twin sister
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00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,585
in The Parent Trap.
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00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:25,836
All right. All right.
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00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:29,172
Um, how about Elizabeth Montgomery
as both Serena and Samantha in Bewitched.
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Ooh. very nice.
7
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Cliffy.
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Well, I'm going to have to say
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the, uh, queen of the genre,
Patty Duke, as both patty and
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the minuet-loving Cathy.
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Oh! What's the topic du jour,
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00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:42,644
actresses who've played
their own look-alikes
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through the use
of trick photography?
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No. Fictional twins we'd like
to see making out with each other.
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00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:52,613
Sam, the new Boston Merchants'
coupon book is out
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and I got us in it.
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00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:57,242
Oh damn it, Woody.
I hate that thing.
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Well, maybe you don't understand
how it works.
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Yeah, I do. A guy comes in,
gives you a coupon,
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you give him a free drink.
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He leaves.
You never see him again.
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Well, then
you do understand.
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00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,297
Aw, Woody!
24
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,257
Well, what, Sam?
25
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You think it was a bad idea?
You think I shouldn't have done it?
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You think I'm a stupid idiot, right?
27
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No, no... yes!
28
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Well, I'm sorry, Sam.
29
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I just thought it would attract
new customers to the bar.
30
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Yeah, a bunch of deadbeats
and freeloaders.
31
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,901
Yeah. You don't want
people like that in here.
32
00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,029
Another beer, please, Wood.
33
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:38,700
Sam. That was John Allen Hill on
the phone. He's on his way down.
34
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,786
No. No. I don't want to talk to him.
I hate that guy.
35
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:43,163
Sam, be a good businessman.
He's our upstairs neighbor.
36
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We have to live together.
Just try to be civil to him.
37
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,125
All right.
I'll be good. I'll be good.
38
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You know, I get the feeling
sometimes, he deliberately says things,
39
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,089
just cause' he knows
he's going to get under my skin.
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Sam!
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00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:54,841
See? God, I hate that.
42
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:58,512
Sam. It appears we have a problem.
Do you know what this is?
43
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,431
Yeah. It looks like a manicure.
Nice one, too.
44
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:04,685
Is that clear polish
or are they just buffed?
45
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,812
They're just clean.
46
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:08,980
Sam, I'm concerned.
47
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:11,983
Are you aware that your bar is
featured in this coupon book?
48
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,318
Yeah, I am.
49
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,487
Well, my concern is how this
will affect Melville's.
50
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,198
I'm not anxious to greet
the type of person
51
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,617
you're obviously hoping to attract.
52
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,285
What are you saying?
You saying you're better than me,
53
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:25,163
that your customers are classier
than mine? well, they're not...
54
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:27,290
Hey, Sammy. Will you settle a
bet for us, please.
55
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,584
Which one of our breath's smells
most like tuna?
56
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,546
Loser has to go through the
spanking machine.
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00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,381
What do you want me to do,
walk over and check?
58
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:35,882
I can tell you from here.
59
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,764
Oh, yeah, right... right,
and none of your customers have fish breath
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00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,349
when they come walking out of
your restaurant?
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00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:46,852
It's a seafood restaurant, Sam.
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00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,104
Ah, all right. So you admit it, right?
63
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:56,945
Well, looks like
the big boy lost.
64
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,365
Hi, guys.
65
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:03,535
Hey, Carla. I got a message for
you. Your brother called...
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00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:06,329
Something about
a family meeting.
67
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,622
Oh, yeah?
68
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:10,125
There.
69
00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:12,836
Well, here's your message.
that was my paycheck.
70
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:20,135
Carla, what's the problem?
Why are you so upset?
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00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,345
Ugh. I hate family meetings.
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00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,723
They're nothing but
a bunch of complaining
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00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:28,143
and in fighting and bickering
and back-stabbing.
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00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:31,646
And of course, sweet little Carla
has to play the peacemaker.
75
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:36,693
Well, I, for one, think family meetings
can be worthwhile encounters.
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00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,654
They encourage open and honest communication
among the generations.
77
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:40,947
Did you have them
in your family, Frasier?
78
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,282
No. I lucked out.
79
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,909
My family didn't
want to be close.
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00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,495
If you're lying to me,
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00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:49,331
I'm going to rip out
your slimy, gray tongue.
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00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:52,334
Oh. sounds kind of serious.
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It's my mother.
84
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:55,837
What's the matter with her?
85
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,672
She had the dream.
86
00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,299
What dream's that?
87
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:00,425
The death dream.
88
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:02,803
Whenever someone
in my family has it,
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00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,930
you can just
start divvying up the jewelry.
90
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:07,891
What exactly is this...
91
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:10,227
Death dream?
92
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:15,023
Yes, and why exactly
do you always do this...
93
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:20,612
When you say,
"The death dream?"
94
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,657
You just did it.
95
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:25,992
Carry on.
96
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,581
Well, the dream
is always the same.
97
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:36,002
There's a casket on a slab
in an empty room.
98
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,089
You walk slowly toward it.
99
00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,758
Suddenly, the lid flies open.
100
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,176
You see your own face?
101
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,719
No, you see these feet
102
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,555
'cause you're looking
at the wrong end.
103
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:53,395
Then, you look upward,
and there's your own face, pale and bluish
104
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:55,063
with pennies over your eyes.
105
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,607
And that's when you bolt up in
bed screamin'.
106
00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,318
Carla. Death is an earthly
scientific passage
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00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,863
predicted by either
massive physical injury
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00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,906
or progressive bodily deterioration.
109
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:08,618
There is as little validity
in a supposed death dream
110
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,496
as there is in the clichéd image
of death itself
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as a grim, bloodless ghoul
whose bony finger
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00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:17,377
reaches out to tap you on the
shoulder when your number's up.
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00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,004
Frasier, it's time to go.
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Don't do that, woman!
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For God sakes, put on some blusher.
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Honey, it's kind of slow.
Why don't you take the day off.
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Go see your mom.
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Might I remind you, Sam, my mother
and I don't exactly get along.
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You don't get along with anybody.
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This is different... and shut up!
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00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:49,534
The last time I saw my mother,
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we had this terrible fight about
this stupid family thing
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and I swore I would never set
foot in her lousy place again
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unless someone dragged me there
kicking and screaming.
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So that's it, huh?
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You damn right.
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00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:07,510
Drag me, Sammy.
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00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:09,638
Really?
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00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:11,264
Do it, drag me!
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00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:13,767
No, no! Cut it out!
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00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,060
I don't want to go! No, no!
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I never want to see that
shriveled old hag again!
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No, put me down!
I don't want to go!
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Oh, Carla, Carla!
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Nobody would believe
you would come.
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00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,370
Your sister is in there
with your mother now.
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00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,288
And you go next, yes.
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00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,500
Oh, she would be
so happy to see you, Carla!
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00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,544
Sam, you remember Zia, the hugger.
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00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,254
Oh, Sam!
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00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,717
You guys want a beer?
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00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:50,553
This is kind of a solemn occasion, Sal.
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00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:51,471
Malt liquor?
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00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,099
I'll pass.
145
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,852
So, Zia, how's mom?
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Carla, what kind of question is that?
147
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:03,316
She had "the dream".
148
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,567
She's really sick, huh?
149
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,611
No. She doesn't have to be sick.
150
00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:09,447
She had the dream.
she'll be dead soon.
151
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:10,532
Have you had lunch?
152
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,828
Uh, actually, I did.
153
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,204
Oh, then this is dinner.
154
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,539
Hey, thanks.
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00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,041
Eat up, Sam.
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00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,670
Our family believes
in life is for the living.
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00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,422
Soon enough we'll all be dead,
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rotting in the ground with
a mouth full of worms.
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00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,429
Great linguini.
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00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,222
Thank you, Zia.
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00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,349
Carla, your sister's finished.
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Bitch.
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00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:39,644
Slut.
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00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,689
It's nice to see them talking.
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00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,287
Mama!
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00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:59,039
Angeline.
167
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,834
No, Mama. It's Carla.
168
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:06,755
Oh. My purse is on the dresser.
169
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:13,928
Mama, I didn't come
here for your money.
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00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:26,191
I came because I feel bad
things got so ugly between us
171
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,776
last time I was here.
172
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,445
So you've come
to say you're sorry.
173
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:34,115
Well, I'm sorry we fought.
174
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:37,285
Then you're sorry.
I accept your apology.
175
00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:39,287
Good. I accept your apology, too.
176
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,705
I didn't say I was sorry.
177
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,415
Well, then I'm not sorry either.
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00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,710
Too late. I already accepted your apology.
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00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:52,884
So, here... now that we've made peace,
180
00:09:53,051 --> 00:10:00,141
I want you to have the ring that my mother
gave to me and her mother gave to her.
181
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,143
Oh, Mama. The ring.
182
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:05,855
What's this?
183
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,482
I hocked it.
184
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:10,652
Come.
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00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:20,745
Oh, your father's hair.
186
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:28,336
Sorry, Mama.
187
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:33,341
And now Carla, there is
something you must do for me.
188
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:36,594
Oh, Mama. I know what you're
going to ask me.
189
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:41,141
We're just going to get into
that same fight we had the last time I was here.
190
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,769
It's too much to ask.
I can't do it.
191
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,729
It's the family tradition.
192
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,565
No.
193
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,859
I did it. My mother did it.
194
00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:54,112
Her mother did it.
Her mother did it before her.
195
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:56,656
I said no. I don't care who did
it.
196
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,575
Her mother did it.
197
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,537
Mama, I'm sorry.
198
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:05,999
I'm sorry you had the dream,
I'm sorry you're going to die,
199
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,126
I'm sorry the family tradition
200
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,544
is going to die with you,
201
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,087
but that is just the way it is.
202
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:15,383
I can't do this for anybody,
not even for my Mama.
203
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,218
Her mother did it!
204
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:23,933
What's the matter, hun.
205
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,853
Oh, Sammy. Sammy!
206
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,607
It's this stupid family tradition,
207
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:34,736
since the beginning of time,
every woman in our family...
208
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,196
who has children...
209
00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:44,204
has named one of her sons
210
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:47,916
with the first name of her father
and the maiden name of her mother.
211
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,584
And I just wouldn't do it.
212
00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:52,170
I don't mean to take
your mother's side here,
213
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:54,088
but... what's the big deal?
It's just a name.
214
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:55,840
Oh yeah, sure. Just a name.
215
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,135
Why? What was
your father's first name?
216
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,053
Benito.
217
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,722
And your mother's maiden name?
218
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,641
Mussolini.
219
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:13,900
Yikes.
220
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,945
Could I have some
more sauce, please?
221
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,950
Ohh! The death walk!
222
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,994
She's still here. I feel her presence
223
00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:27,038
like a shiv in my heart.
224
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,334
Mama! I'm not rejecting you.
225
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,837
I just don't want to name one of
my sons Benito Mussolini.
226
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,297
Why not?
227
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:40,885
Because, back a few years,
there was another Benito Mussolini.
228
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:41,928
Remember him?
229
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:46,975
I don't see why one fascist dictator
should ruin it for the entire family.
230
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,896
Mama, you are the only one who
even cares about that stupid name.
231
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:54,107
I mean, everybody else agrees
with me, right?
232
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,608
Oh, you are an ungrateful child!
233
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,068
You make me sick.
234
00:12:58,361 --> 00:12:59,404
Bitch.
235
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:11,124
Okay. well, just forget all of you.
I hate this family. I hate this house.
236
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:16,963
I just never want to come back here again.
I swear it. I swear it a million times.
237
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:21,718
I swear it on my children's eyes.
I am never, ever, ever, setting foot in this
238
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:24,637
stupid, ugly, stinking rat trap again.
239
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,732
Well, there goes my ride.
240
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:53,166
How can her mother expect her to
name one of her kids after Benito Mussolini?
241
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,627
Well, it could have been worse.
What if her father's name had been Adolph?
242
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:59,547
Yeah and her mother's maiden
name could've been Mon ju.
243
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:07,347
She really dodged a bullet there.
244
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:12,226
Anyway, I gave her the day off
so she can go home and cool out, you know?
245
00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:14,228
Very often that's
the best thing you can do
246
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,147
when you're not getting along
with a family member.
247
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,649
Remove yourself entirely from them,
248
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:20,860
find some neutral place
where you can
249
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,695
take the time you need
to be away from them.
250
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:23,821
You really
think so, Frase?
251
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,908
Well, that's why we're all here,
isn't it?
252
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,204
Thank you very much.
253
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:37,668
Great. Four more freebies,
thanks to Woody's stupid coupon book.
254
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:42,215
I'm sorry, Woody.
255
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,966
I didn't see you there.
256
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,390
Of course I'm there.
I'm always there.
257
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,768
Wherever there's a stupid idea,
that's where you'll find me.
258
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:59,107
Stupid old Woody Boyd.
Father of stupid thoughts...
259
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:01,317
Eye of the stupid storm.
260
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,737
I got to be the stupidest guy on
the face of the earth.
261
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,864
- Woody please don't say that.
- Why not?
262
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,825
Because you are giving me a
stupid headache.
263
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,786
Welcome to my private hell.
264
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,085
- Hi, Sam.
- How you doing, honey?
265
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,002
Better.
266
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:23,047
I went home,
went to my bedroom,
267
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:25,425
shut off all the lights
and laid down on my bed.
268
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:29,220
Then, I started thinking.
269
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:32,640
What if I was dying,
and Serafina refused to do
270
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:35,476
the one thing that meant the
most to me, how would I feel?
271
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:36,936
So you apologized
to your mother?
272
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:41,065
No. I went out and yelled at Serafina.
273
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:44,527
I felt a lot better,
so I went and yelled at all the rest of the kids.
274
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:47,697
Then I started thinking
why should I be having all this fun
275
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,323
when my mom's dying?
276
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,910
So I decided I had to try to do
something for her.
277
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:56,164
Well, I got a bunch of these
coupon books left.
278
00:15:56,330 --> 00:16:01,377
They're only good for a month but,
I guess in her case that doesn't matter.
279
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:07,758
Anyway, all the kids were there so
I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask them
280
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:11,262
if anyone would fulfill
their grandmother's dying wish
281
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,431
and change their name
to Benito Mussolini.
282
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:14,474
Any takers?
283
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,894
No. But I got two Madonnas
and an MC Hammer.
284
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:22,106
Well, that's that.
I tried everything I can.
285
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,568
She didn't try the coupons.
286
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:27,361
Sam!
287
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,947
God, I hate it
when he says that.
288
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:33,159
What, what? What are you going
to nitpick this time?
289
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,911
Am I mixing
my drinks too loud,
290
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,829
am I using the wrong
kind of light bulb?
291
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,080
Oh, excuse me.
292
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,958
Maybe some of my
bar area accidentally wafted
293
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:42,168
up to your establishment.
294
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,545
Sam! You're on the defensive.
295
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,923
I am not on the defensive.
If you say that again,
296
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,008
I'm going to pull the last three
hairs off your head.
297
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:55,389
Sam, I merely came down to apologize
for my intrusive behavior earlier today.
298
00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:58,017
- Really?
- Yes.
299
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,269
I know I'd be resentful if
someone implied that I should
300
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:01,938
run my business in a particular way.
301
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,565
It was out of line for me
to do so with you.
302
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:10,154
Oh. Well, thank you.
I'm sorry I am a little defensive.
303
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,447
Yeah, well. No harm done.
304
00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:13,282
In fact, to clear the air,
305
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:15,284
I'd like to buy a round
of drinks for everyone here.
306
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:18,079
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
307
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,122
Here you are, Sam.
308
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,918
I think this should cover it.
309
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:28,714
Oh, and I'd like one of your special martinis,
I've heard so much about.
310
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:34,554
Oh. I'm out of coupons.
Well then, never mind.
311
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:38,307
Hey, ma.
312
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,059
Gino, what are you doing here?
313
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,186
Well, ma. I was thinking about
all that stuff you said.
314
00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:44,230
You know,
about making grandma happy,
315
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,857
and I was talking it over with
MC and the Madonnas,
316
00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:49,902
and I figured, heck,
317
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,530
if it'll keep this family together,
someone's got to do it.
318
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:55,783
Ma, I'll be Benito Mussolini.
319
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,036
Look, Gino,
320
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,748
do you even have any idea
who Mussolini was?
321
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:06,210
Well, no, I didn't before,
but then Anthony told me all about him.
322
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,920
Ma, this guy ran
this whole country.
323
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,047
And do you know what
they called him?
324
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:12,675
They called him Il Duce.
325
00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:14,510
Huh? The Dooch!
326
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,220
Hello.
327
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,055
Hey! Yeah, that's right.
328
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:19,932
It's me... Dooch Tortelli.
329
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,394
That is a horrible name.
330
00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:26,397
And I never want to hear it again.
It sounds awful.
331
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,817
I hate that name and I hate Mama
for asking me to give it to you.
332
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:32,695
Okay. Carla, that was your brother.
333
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,780
He said to get over there right away.
Your mother's going fast.
334
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:40,161
No. I swore I'd never go back in
that house again.
335
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:41,746
I have my pride.
336
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:43,914
Okay.
337
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:46,125
Gino, want to grab her feet?
I'll get the rest of her.
338
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,503
Come here. Come here. Come on.
Come on.
339
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:53,341
No, no. Put me down. Put me down.
I don't want to go!
340
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:54,884
Would you hoist
me a little higher, guys?
341
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:57,094
I'd like to have some butt
left when I get there.
342
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:09,815
Oh, no.
343
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,233
I'm too late.
344
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,033
Oh, Mama.
345
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,534
Oh, Mama, I'm sorry.
346
00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:23,037
Please forgive me.
347
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,332
I hope you can hear me.
348
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,669
I hope you can rest now.
349
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:36,884
I swear on your memory
that my Gino is now named
350
00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:39,053
Benito Mussolini.
351
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,055
Well, it's about time!
352
00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:45,434
I was getting bed sores.
353
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:48,729
You're not dead. You're not dead at all.
354
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,399
You were never dying.
355
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,776
You just did this to trick me.
356
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,319
You were all in on it.
357
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,154
We listen to our mother.
358
00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:58,739
And we thought
it would be funny.
359
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:08,040
You! You never even had the dream.
360
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:11,961
You just did this to trick me
into getting to name my kid that stupid name.
361
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:12,962
I had to.
362
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,840
You're stubborn as
your grandmother's mule,
363
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,509
who incidentally,
you were named after.
364
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,389
I honor tradition.
365
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:27,351
Yeah? Well I'm going to give you
something to honor, right in the lubonz!
366
00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:28,769
Ladies, ladies, please...
367
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,981
Stay out of this if you know
what's good for you, Paddy.
368
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:39,113
Listen. I may be old but I can
still instruct others to hurt you.
369
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,615
Benito, kick your mother in the
teeth for me.
370
00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:42,992
Okay, Grandma.
371
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:46,912
Don't you order my...
Don't you order my son around.
372
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,790
Gino, go punch your grandma
in the kidneys.
373
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:50,791
Okay, Ma.
374
00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:52,042
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
375
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:54,795
You! You're big.
Throw Carla out the window.
376
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:58,799
No. I'm not going to throw her
out the window.
377
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,802
All right. I'll do it,
sick as I am.
378
00:21:01,969 --> 00:21:03,596
Please. Please...
379
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,767
Mrs. Lozupone,
I don't mean to be disrespectful here,
380
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,143
but you know,
you're not being fair.
381
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:14,148
You're asking your daughter, here,
to name her son after a very bad man...
382
00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:16,066
And you faked death to get her
to do it.
383
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:20,821
I mean, these are not your, uh,
typical mother things.
384
00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:25,618
Are you saying I am a bad mother?
385
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,995
Well, in this case, yeah I am.
386
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:30,372
Sam.
387
00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:31,499
What?
388
00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:35,127
You insulted my mother,
in her own house,
389
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:40,216
with the food, that we cooked
over her death bed, still stuck in your teeth.
390
00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:41,926
Is that bad?
391
00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:56,232
That's great, Carla. I'm glad
you guys made up.
392
00:21:57,608 --> 00:22:00,694
Well, his name is
now Benito Mussolini.
393
00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:02,321
Call him Gino for short.
394
00:22:04,114 --> 00:22:05,616
Yeah. She sounds so happy.
395
00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:07,618
Said that's the first time
they've all sat down
396
00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:09,036
to a family dinner in years.
397
00:22:09,203 --> 00:22:12,206
They ate, they laughed,
they even got up and danced.
398
00:22:12,373 --> 00:22:14,625
Those Italian families
sound so warm.
399
00:22:15,084 --> 00:22:16,418
Yeah, I know what you mean,
Woody.
400
00:22:17,211 --> 00:22:20,005
Geez, I often wish that I was a
member of an ethnic group.
401
00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:26,178
Aw, it's just as well.
402
00:22:27,137 --> 00:22:28,138
I hate hugging.
403
00:22:30,933 --> 00:22:32,226
Frasier, it's time to go.
404
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,520
Boy, I sure married
the right woman.
405
00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:47,032
Goodbye, Mama. I love you.
406
00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:48,742
See you next week.
407
00:22:48,909 --> 00:22:51,161
Oh, wait a minute.
I almost forgot something.
408
00:22:57,668 --> 00:22:58,502
Goodnight, Sammy.
409
00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:04,633
Sammy, would you stop whining.
It's a family tradition...
410
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:08,095
You cross Mama, you sleep in the wall.