1 00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,463 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:05,589 Watch this. 3 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:14,890 What do you got, Wood? 4 00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:19,144 Watch closely as I remove my own index finger. 5 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:23,690 Something I learned from my uncle, only when I do it, it's a trick. 6 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:31,240 Not bad, but I think Cliff ie's still ahead on points. 7 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:35,244 And in what sophomoric activity are you gentlemen involved now? 8 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,996 Our first annual tricks with digits exhibition. 9 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:42,084 Of all the pointless wastes of human energy. 10 00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:43,460 Frasier's right. 11 00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:45,254 You could sit here until the end of time 12 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,172 doing your silly finger tricks, 13 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,466 but none of you will ever be able to top this. 14 00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:00,185 Wow, she's right. 15 00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:02,813 The king is dead. Long live the queen! 16 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:07,025 Yeah. And she's writing. She's going for bonus points. 17 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:08,819 What's it say? 18 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,280 "My fist is stuck, call 911." 19 00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:15,867 Come on, hon. 20 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,953 You know, this happens to her more often than you'd think. 21 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:47,959 There you go. 22 00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,837 - What the hell is this? - It's clam juice. 23 00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:55,300 I wanted a martini. 24 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:57,969 I wanted to be Princess Carla of Monaco. 25 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,263 Drink it. 26 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:05,143 Sorry, Mr. Krabintz, we can't get into the office or the storeroom 27 00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,812 because Miss Howe locked herself in 28 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:09,147 since she decided not to marry Mr. Colcord. 29 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:11,108 She's still in there. She's still in the gown. 30 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,694 She won't talk to anybody, doesn't move, doesn't eat. 31 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:14,778 Gee, that's awful. 32 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:16,905 I really wanted a martini. 33 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,119 Greetings, all. 34 00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:24,663 A pint of lager, my good publican. 35 00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:27,416 I'm of a Dickensian spirit today. 36 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,710 I've just come from the antiquarian book fair, 37 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,462 where I managed to luck into a handsomely bound first edition 38 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,382 of Charles Dickens' Tale of Two Cities. 39 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:39,511 Wow! if you don't mind my asking, how much does something like this cost? 40 00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:44,266 Well, Woody, money isn't really the issue, but around $1,200. 41 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:46,852 1,200 bucks? 42 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:50,021 I got something to show you, Dr. Crane. 43 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,232 It's called a library card. 44 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,486 Thank you for the advice, Woody. 45 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:58,572 Now may I have a scotch on the rocks, please? 46 00:03:58,739 --> 00:03:59,990 Okey-doke. 47 00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:02,492 That'll be around 1,200 bucks. 48 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,705 Frasier, you know, it's a good thing you're here 49 00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:10,459 because we got to think of some way to get that crazy lady out of the office. 50 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:11,835 It's been two days. 51 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,963 Well, I realize that you're concerned about Rebecca, and that you all look to me 52 00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:17,132 as the solver of all problems personal, 53 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,967 but in this case I have to throw up my hands. 54 00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,761 There's a limit to what even I can do. 55 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,555 And we also know how you pout when we don't ask you. 56 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:30,145 Fine. Maybe I'll just go home. 57 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:35,108 Okay. I got the toolbox here. 58 00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,779 I'm gonna get Rebecca out of that office right now. 59 00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:42,032 Rebecca! 60 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,951 I got a screwdriver here! 61 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:49,039 I'm going to take that doorknob off, and I'm going to open the door here. 62 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,209 Rebecca! 63 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:56,004 I got a Phillips head by mistake, but I'm going to... 64 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,593 I'm putting that down, and I'm picking up a flat head, 65 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,971 and then I'm going to take that doorknob off. 66 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,099 Rebecca! 67 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,310 I don't have a flat head, 68 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:13,939 but I have one of those putty things, and I'm going to... 69 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:16,983 Damn. 70 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:22,447 Okay, Rebecca, I just punctured my thumb with that putty thing, 71 00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:27,244 and I'm going to go get a tetanus shot, then I'm coming back here 72 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,745 and taking that doorknob off. 73 00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:29,996 Here's a Band-Aid. 74 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,249 Hey, hey, guys, Rebecca. 75 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,792 - Rebecca's out. - No, no. 76 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,294 Don't say Rebecca. Don't call me Rebecca. 77 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,421 Rebecca doesn't live here anymore. 78 00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,217 Rebecca died two days ago. 79 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,761 Oh, so that's what that is. 80 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:51,560 I'm telling you, a woman should never sweat in taffeta. 81 00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,690 - Have a seat, come on. - Thank you. 82 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,987 I've never sat here before. 83 00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:07,158 Here I am, sitting on this stool, knowing my life is a mess. 84 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:12,831 I have no future, and I'm a totally hopeless failure. 85 00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,541 Yeah, try it with beer nuts. 86 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,798 It is all my fault. I mean, I got what I deserved, 87 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,383 and now I'm alone. 88 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,136 I have nothing, and I'm just a, you know, 89 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,638 worthless, shallow person. 90 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,141 I'm telling you, try it with the beer nuts. 91 00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:35,145 Rebecca, 92 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:38,398 I realize you haven't sought my professional advice, 93 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,317 but I think it's time to get some perspective. 94 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:43,028 Take a look at yourself, splash some water on your face, 95 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,238 and get a fresh start. 96 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:49,242 I'd like to, Frasier, but I seem to have lost the will to move. 97 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:52,329 I just want to sit here for the rest of my life. 98 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,247 Maybe it's the stool. 99 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:02,422 Come on, Miss Howe. 100 00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:04,549 Woody, 101 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,845 have you ever had your whole life cave in on you all of a sudden? 102 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,307 No, but I have had a cave cave in on me all of a sudden. 103 00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:16,269 You know, at the risk of sounding insensitive, 104 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,980 I'm glad she's getting out of here. 105 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:23,985 Her walking around in that wedding dress was just a tad too "Miss Havisham" for me. 106 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,197 - Who? - Miss Havisham. 107 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,408 Famous character from Charles Dickens' Great Expectations. 108 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:33,244 Spends the entire novel walking around in her wedding dress. 109 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,163 - What? - Yes. 110 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:38,500 Oh, surely you know it. It's Great Expectations. 111 00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,503 Pip, Miss Havisham, Magwitch, 112 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:43,588 and... 113 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:49,010 ...and four pizza-loving turtles who practice martial arts in the sewer. 114 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:53,264 Hey, cowabunga, dude. 115 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:54,307 You know, 116 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:57,811 a lot of people don't realize that was a comic book first. 117 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,359 I'm going to go for a drive, Sam. 118 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,946 Oh yeah, sweetheart, that's a good idea. Get some fresh air. 119 00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,781 - Take all the time you want. - Thank you. 120 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,535 Where did she get those clothes? 121 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:16,705 Sam, could you dig some clothes out of the lost and found? 122 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,007 Here you go. 123 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,676 Woody, come out here, let's take a look. 124 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,011 Hey, Sam, how long did you say 125 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,637 these clothes have been in the lost and found? 126 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,556 I don't know, a while, I guess. Why? 127 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:50,572 Hey, Sam, is that Woody Boyd, or is that Keith Partridge? 128 00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:56,244 When's Miss Howe getting back with my real clothes? 129 00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,246 I can't go out like this. 130 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,916 I know it was the seventies and all, but who would dress 131 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,918 in anything this dumb-looking? 132 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,672 Boy, those duds look familiar. 133 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,137 "Property of C. Clavin." 134 00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,558 Deep inside, didn't we all know that? 135 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,437 - These were your clothes, Mr. Clavin? - I guess. 136 00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:26,107 - How'd they end up in the lost and found? - How did they end up in there? 137 00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:30,361 Well, it was the seventies, and I was a swinger. 138 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,992 I had some good times in those rags, Woody. 139 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,744 We don't want to hear about it. 140 00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:41,956 It was great, you know, the disco scene. Groovin'. 141 00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:44,709 - Ixnay, Cliff. - It was a great decade, huh? 142 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:47,504 Hot-tubbing every night, and I got rolfed. 143 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,799 Please stop, Mr. Clavin. 144 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:53,176 Now I remember how I lost those clothes. 145 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,803 Oh, don't say it. Don't say it. 146 00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:56,471 I was streaking. 147 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,891 Oh, I knew it! I knew he was going to say it. 148 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,851 Of course I was about three pounds lighter then. 149 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:06,397 Woody, I think it was a great sacrifice 150 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:07,941 for you to give your clothes to Rebecca. 151 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:11,778 It puts me in mind of another novel by my favorite British author. 152 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,739 You know who I mean. I'll give you a hint. 153 00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:16,658 Charles... 154 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:18,993 In Charge? 155 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:24,999 Are you people really this ignorant, or do you just do this to torture me? 156 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:27,043 Sometimes the two go hand in hand. 157 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:32,966 All right. Gather 'round, everyone. I'm going to right a horrible wrong. 158 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,218 I'm going to read to you Dickens' classic 159 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:36,845 A Tale of Two Cities. 160 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:40,140 You'll see just how much fun great literature can be. 161 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,184 "Book the First. 162 00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:46,312 It was the best of times. It was the worst of times." 163 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,898 Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Which was it? 164 00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:56,614 Just stay tuned, Norm. 165 00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:01,411 "It was the age of wisdom. It was the age of foolishness. 166 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:04,414 It was the epic of belief. It was the epic of incredulity." 167 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:07,417 Boy, this Dickens guy really liked to keep his butt covered, didn't he? 168 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:16,676 "There was a king with a large jaw and a queen with a plain face 169 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,970 on the throne of England and... 170 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:21,514 and..." 171 00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,393 "...and there was a bloodthirsty clown 172 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:28,021 who beckoned innocent children into the sewer 173 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,522 and swallowed them whole." 174 00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:34,986 That's a neat trick. 175 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,199 Wait a minute, Frasier. Wait a second. 176 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:40,575 Yeah. Cheers. What? 177 00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:45,747 I... Rebecca, where are you calling from? I can barely hear you. 178 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,249 30,000 feet over Pittsburgh. 179 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,919 What? I thought you were just going for a drive. 180 00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:52,795 I did. I drove to the airport. 181 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,882 Listen, will you tell Woody that I left his car 182 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,592 outside the United terminal... 183 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,136 ...or American. 184 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,263 It doesn't really make any difference. 185 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,265 They all tow them to the same place anyway. 186 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,896 Sam, is that Miss Howe? Ask her if she has my wallet. 187 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,439 I need my driver's license. 188 00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,858 Actually you don't have to worry about that now. 189 00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:16,861 What are you doing? Where are you going? 190 00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:19,030 I'm going home to San Diego. 191 00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:21,574 I want to try and forget Boston. 192 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,285 I want to erase the last three years of my life. 193 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,620 It's been five, Rebecca. 194 00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:27,622 Has it been that long? 195 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,417 Hey, Sam, does she have my wallet? 196 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,336 You still have Woody's wallet, don't you? 197 00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:35,463 Yeah. How do you think I'm paying for this call? 198 00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,924 Hell, how do you think I'm paying for this flight? 199 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:41,386 Yeah. She still has it. 200 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,393 Honey, listen to me. 201 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,645 You can't run away from your problems like this. 202 00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:53,898 The only reason I called was to say goodbye 203 00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:57,443 and thank you for everything. It's really meant a lot to me. Bye-bye. 204 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:01,114 Oh, Miss, did you remember your credit card? 205 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,533 Oh, yeah, thanks. I'm going to need this. 206 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,660 I need to buy a whole new wardrobe when we land. 207 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:07,829 I'm going to be good to myself. 208 00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:20,925 As we recall from Monday's installment of A Tale of Two Cities, 209 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,847 Sydney Carton is about to go to the guillotine 210 00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,390 and sacrifice himself. 211 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,642 Guillotine... slice that neck. 212 00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:35,023 "When suddenly an Apache attack chopper 213 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,649 hovered above the guillotine... 214 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,320 ...pumping hot lead into the crowd." 215 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,030 Get them frogs, huh? 216 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:44,490 "As Darnay climbed into the chopper, 217 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,327 sweat streaming from his blood-stained headband, 218 00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,412 he could be heard to mutter, 219 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:53,499 'It is a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done. 220 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:59,047 It is a far, far better... butt-kicking I give... 221 00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:03,176 ...than I have ever butt-kicked.'" 222 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,553 - All right. - Great! 223 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:06,846 What a book, huh? 224 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,016 What are you going to read to us next? 225 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:13,227 Well, I was thinking about David Copperfield. 226 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,354 What's that about? 227 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,064 Well, it's about these... 228 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,692 ...two coppers and this... 229 00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:21,611 ...field. 230 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:26,991 And they're found... dismembered with their body parts switched. 231 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,538 Man, that Dickens is one sick dude. 232 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,042 Have any of you guys heard from Rebecca yet? 233 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,086 - Not me. - Turn on the game, Sam. 234 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,338 No. Let's give her a call. 235 00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:42,173 I got her parents' number. 236 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,510 Let's just tell her we're thinking about her and that we care. 237 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,306 It's her parents' machine. I hate these things. 238 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:51,849 I never know what to say. 239 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:55,019 Hi. This is Sam from Cheers. This message is for Rebecca. 240 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,314 Hi, Rebecca. We just wanted to find out if you were okay 241 00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:01,401 and tell you that we miss you and I love you and I hope... 242 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,236 - Whoa, Sam. - What? 243 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,737 You love her? 244 00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,366 No. I didn't say that. Hold on a second. 245 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:09,826 No. I didn't say that. 246 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,830 I said we miss her and we love her. 247 00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,498 You said we miss her and you love her. 248 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:18,000 But it was implied that you miss her, too. 249 00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:22,839 Shoot. I don't want her to get the wrong impression. 250 00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,216 Hi, Rebecca, listen, when I said that I love you, 251 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,885 I didn't mean love love. I... 252 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:32,974 I meant more like a friend, a buddy, a pal, like a partner, you know, 253 00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:35,601 like the two cops in David Copperfield. 254 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,272 Okay, honey? 255 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:40,731 Well, anyway, bye-bye. 256 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,358 - Wait! - Wait. Hold on. 257 00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:43,651 That was a little cold. 258 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:46,612 Listen, she's feeling kind of low. 259 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,781 You can't just kick her when she's down like that. 260 00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:54,787 Sweetheart, when I said that I love you, I meant that you're 261 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:59,000 a very important part of my life, along with a lot of other people. 262 00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:03,337 It's like my life is this big jigsaw puzzle 263 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:06,924 and you're a very important part, you know, like a corner piece. 264 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,677 Yeah, hold on. 265 00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:11,637 I think the guys want to say something. Go ahead. 266 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,639 Sammy loves you! 267 00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,610 Any of you guys tried that new steakhouse on Commonwealth? 268 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,778 - No. - It's the greatest. 269 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,281 Beautiful waitresses in tiny little wench outfits. 270 00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:31,449 Yeah? What did you have? 271 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,743 A beautiful waitress in a tiny little wench outfit. 272 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:36,579 I'm going back, too. 273 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,582 Dr. Crane, when will you read us more Dickens? 274 00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,042 Dickens! 275 00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:42,627 Dickens! 276 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,130 Frasier, I'm impressed. 277 00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:48,925 It seems your experiment in cultural enrichment 278 00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,426 - has been a success. - Yep. 279 00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,221 We're waiting for Oliver Twist: The Wrath of Fagin. 280 00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:56,724 Excuse me? 281 00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:02,396 Darling, I've done some things the past few weeks I'm not very proud of. 282 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,859 Just... leave it alone. 283 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,321 Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! 284 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:11,781 Hey, guys. 285 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:14,325 Listen to this. 286 00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:18,037 Sam, this is Rebecca. I got your message. 287 00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,622 Hearing your voice made me realize 288 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:21,374 what I'm missing in my life. 289 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,502 I was such a fool not to have seen it before. 290 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,337 My plane lands at midnight tonight. 291 00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:27,797 I'm coming straight to the bar to see you. 292 00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,840 So will you please, please wait for me? 293 00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:36,973 What am I going to do? 294 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,141 I mean, do you think that she's coming back here 295 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,102 because I left that message on her machine? 296 00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:42,144 Yeah. 297 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,147 Hey, will you be serious for a minute? 298 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:47,316 Just once, I'd like to have a serious conversation 299 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:48,484 in this damn bar. 300 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,904 Do you really think that she's rushing back 301 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,364 because I said, "I love you"? 302 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:54,615 Yeah. 303 00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:58,953 Yeah, what do you know? 304 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,581 I'm going to talk to somebody who knows something around here. 305 00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,625 - What do you think? - You're dead meat on a stick. 306 00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:08,754 No, I'm not dead meat on a stick, and even if she does think that, 307 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,798 I've handled lots of love-crazed babes 308 00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,842 who wanted to become Mrs. Sam Malone. 309 00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,885 I've got dozens of ways of handling that. 310 00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:19,473 Even if they all don't work, I still have plan "Z." 311 00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:23,269 What's plan "Z" there, Sam? 312 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,562 Never you mind. 313 00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:29,525 It's pretty drastic, I'll admit, but I'll use it if I have to. 314 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:34,655 I don't want the same woman hanging onto me the rest of my life. 315 00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:37,658 Can you imagine how creepy that would be, Frasier? 316 00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,419 I'll answer that question another time. 317 00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:01,182 Okay, just wait outside and come running in 318 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,392 - when you see the lights flash. - Right. 319 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:07,188 Carla, Sammy will not tell us. What is this plan "Z"? 320 00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,524 Tell you everything I know for 20 bucks each. 321 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:13,694 Yeah, all right. 322 00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:20,451 It's called plan "Z." 323 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:25,998 When Sammy flashes the lights, this guy Leon comes in and executes it. 324 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,920 Yeah, but what is plan "Z"? 325 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:31,962 Beats me. 326 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:33,756 I didn't know that much two minutes ago. 327 00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,216 Give me the money. 328 00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,976 - I think it was worth it. - Oh, yeah. 329 00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,358 Sam, it seems to me 330 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,944 you're going through an awful lot of machinations 331 00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,905 to avoid dealing honestly and directly with Rebecca. 332 00:19:58,072 --> 00:19:59,907 Well, that's me, always thinking. 333 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,453 Besides, I don't think we'll have to use plan "Z" here. 334 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,288 What are we talking about? We're talking about Rebecca. 335 00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:07,832 What's the worst she can do? 336 00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:12,503 Sam, I hope you're ready to change your life, because I am. 337 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:14,922 Can you excuse me just a second? 338 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:20,594 Sam, why are you flashing the lights? 339 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,638 Oh, you know, it's just kind of to welcome you back, 340 00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,974 like three cheers! Hey, Rebecca's back! 341 00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,183 Rebecca's back! 342 00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:30,521 Sam, get over here. Quit being silly. 343 00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:32,231 I have to ask you something really important. 344 00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:37,027 Will you sell me this bar? 345 00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:38,654 No. What? 346 00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:40,156 Cheers. I want to run Cheers. 347 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,950 Running this place was the only time I ever felt like somebody. 348 00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:44,660 You know, people looked up to me. 349 00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:45,745 Who? 350 00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,542 You mean you didn't come back here to marry Sam? 351 00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:54,879 Marry Sam? Why would you think that? 352 00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,172 You didn't think that, did you? 353 00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:57,214 Shoot, no. 354 00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:01,969 That's why you've been doing all this weird stuff, 355 00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:03,846 because you think I came back here to marry you? 356 00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,514 What weird stuff? 357 00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:09,185 I can't keep living a lie, Sam. 358 00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,853 No. No, Leon. No. 359 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,571 Sam is my lover. 360 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,200 Boy, you... 361 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:27,369 You really did think I was after you. 362 00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,538 I can't believe this. 363 00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:31,791 You're a wussy little 'fraidy cat. 364 00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:34,376 I'm not a wussy little 'fraidy cat. 365 00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:35,920 Then this is real. 366 00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,339 You and Leon are lovers. 367 00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:41,717 Well, why don't you give Leon a kiss then? 368 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,973 Because we've been together for 14 years 369 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,391 and we're no longer demonstrative. 370 00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,817 You know, the spark's gone. I'm sorry, Leon. 371 00:21:57,983 --> 00:21:59,693 I probably should have said something sooner. 372 00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:03,197 No. Sam, you can't have it both ways. 373 00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:06,617 You either give Leon a kiss... 374 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:08,702 ...on his lips 375 00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:13,082 or you admit that you are a wussy little 'fraidy cat. 376 00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:16,919 Sammy, don't let her make you look like a wussy little 'fraidy cat. 377 00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:19,296 I'm not a wussy little 'fraidy cat. 378 00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:21,423 - Meow! - Come on. 379 00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:22,466 Meow! 380 00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:30,558 Sorry about that, Leon. 381 00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:33,519 You realize I'm gonna have to slug you in the face now? 382 00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:35,062 I wish you would. 383 00:22:38,524 --> 00:22:39,942 We still on for golf Thursday? 384 00:22:40,109 --> 00:22:42,319 - Yeah, you bet. - Great. 385 00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:48,576 - That hurts. - Sammy, look at you. 386 00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:51,704 Your nose is bleeding. Your eye's starting to swell. 387 00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,455 And you just kissed a man. 388 00:22:55,249 --> 00:22:58,460 But you're not a wussy little 'fraidy cat. 389 00:22:59,670 --> 00:23:01,839 - No, not Sammy. - Good boy. 390 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:05,718 You know, in the space of the last 30 seconds, 391 00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:09,138 we have witnessed deceit, sexual turmoil, 392 00:23:09,305 --> 00:23:11,348 and sudden, senseless violence. 393 00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:13,726 It puts me in mind of a passage from... 394 00:23:15,185 --> 00:23:16,604 ...The Pickwick Papers.