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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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No, I don't remember her name.
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- Sammy...
- Yeah, yeah.
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- That's Mike Dukakis.
- Yeah!
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- That's Michael Dukakis.
- Let's go say hello.
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- We can't.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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What do we call him?
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- Governor.
- Ex. Ex-governor.
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- Oh, yeah. Your Honor. There you go.
- You... Your Ex-Honor.
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No, no. Mike.
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Michael.
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- Duke, Duke.
- Duke!
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Hi. How are you doing?
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- Hi.
- Hi.
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We said hello
to Michael Dukakis!
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No, no. We said hi to Mike.
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- Michael.
- No, no. Duke, Duke.
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Duke. Duke.
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We said hello to Duke.
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What... excuse me!
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Excuse me, Rebecca. 2:15.
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Hey, Sammy. Here you go.
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Thanks, Carla.
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- That was close.
- What the hell was that?
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Sammy's vitamin E.
It's Valentine's Day.
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Oh, yeah. That's that stupid date
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he goes on once a year
with that Lauren person.
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Stupid?
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This is not some stupid date, Rebecca.
For the last 20 years,
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Sammy and Lauren have met
for one night each year.
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It's kind of like
Sammy's version of commitment.
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Actually, it's a lot like
my version of commitment.
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Hey, Carla, how long have you had
this bottle of vitamin E around, huh?
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I don't know. A while. Why?
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What is with this date
you go on every year?
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I mean, to me, it just seems silly.
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Guys, guys, she just
doesn't understand.
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You see, sweetheart,
the first time Lauren and I met,
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we went up to this cabin
and we had a night
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that was totally romantic and erotic.
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I guess you'd call that silly.
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If you like her so much, how come
you only see her once a year?
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I don't know. It was her idea.
She never told me why.
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I keep meaning to ask her,
but then I forget.
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This year's going to be different.
I'm going to pin her down.
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No, I better not do that, actually.
I'll forget again, won't I?
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I still say it's a stupid way
to spend Valentine's Day.
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Yeah, but that's
cause you don't have a date.
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Oh, yeah? I happen to have a date
with two very sweet gentlemen...
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Ben & Jerry.
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Hey, you know, it's just
a made-up holiday, anyway.
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Some big fat greeting-card tycoon
trying to get rich
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off his dopey cards and candy hearts.
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- Don't be depressed about that.
- Yeah, maybe you're right.
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If you're going to be depressed
about anything, it should be the fact
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that you're only making
seven bucks an hour,
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your skin is starting
to flake at the hairline,
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and you're a year closer to death.
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Thank you, Carla.
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But hey, if it makes you
feel any better,
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Happy Valentine's Day!
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Woody, a couple of pitchers, please.
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Sure, Dr. Crane.
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If you're buying beer
for your friends back there, Frase,
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you know, I'm available.
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Well, actually, they're not friends.
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It's a therapy group I have for men
who have trouble relating to women.
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Well, set 'em up, Wood.
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Ah, Frasier, here you are.
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And where are
the dysfunctional men?
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Throw a rock.
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They're in the poolroom.
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Come along, ladies.
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Why don't you go on ahead
into the poolroom
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and make yourselves as comfortable
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as five women totally hostile
to their own bodies can be.
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So, what's going on back there?
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Well, Frasier and I are both
treating same-sex groups
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with relationship disorders,
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and recent studies suggest
that there are benefits to be gained
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by bringing these two groups
together for interrelations
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under controlled social circumstance.
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Say what?
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Well, come on, surely,
you've all seen Love Connection.
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Guys, guys, what are you
doing out here?
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- Dr. Crane, there's... there's...
-Yes, I know. There's girls in there.
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You're missing the point.
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This is exactly the type of situation
we've been training for.
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This time it's the real thing,
not just me in a wig.
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Man, those stairs are slippery.
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Woody, I think we could use
a little salt out there.
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These pretzels could use
a little salt, too.
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My blood pressure's
actually dipping.
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Boy, those patients of mine
are really hopeless.
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Well, hell, bring them out here.
This is the hopeless room.
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I don't know, Dr. Crane.
Haven't you ever thought
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that it's kind of tough on them
doing all that counseling stuff?
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I was raised to believe
that if you have a problem,
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you lock it away in a secret place.
You keep it bottled up good and tight,
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00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:10,078
and if it gets full in there,
you just keep forcing the pain down
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and clamping it in.
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Good advice, Woody.
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Tick, tick, tick.
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Well, guys,
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I'm all packed and ready to go.
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You sure you got everything, Sam?
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Yep.
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And then some.
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Oh, you dog. You dog.
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Well, hey, I'm out of here.
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No, you don't, Sam Malone.
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You don't just leave here
on your 20th anniversary date
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with Lauren just like that.
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We got something special
cooked up for you.
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Carla, hit it.
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Look at him go.
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So proud, so majestic, so regal.
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Woody...
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...you never salted
those steps, did you?
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Hey, I'll get to it.
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Let me see...
I don't believe there's a fracture,
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just a serious sprain
right around lumbar three.
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Does it hurt when I do this?
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That's good. That's good.
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Why? Does that mean
I'm going to get better?
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No. It means I know
what I'm talking about.
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You see, Lilith, I could so
have been a real doctor.
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Give me a hand here,
will you, Woody? Oh, jeez.
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Time's a-wasting, my friend.
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Sam, you're not seriously thinking
of still going on this date, are you?
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You bet I am.
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- All right!
- Yeah!
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Sam, I seriously urge you
to stay off your feet and in bed.
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That's part of the plan there, Frase.
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Hey, Woody, could you do me
one tiny little favor?
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Sure, Sam. What is it?
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Can you get me up to my car,
then drive me to Vermont,
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then get me into the cabin?
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What's in it for me?
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You could use that new gas card
of yours to fill the tank.
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All right. I'll feel so grown-up.
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All right, Sam.
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I'll drive you up there
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and I don't want you
to worry about a thing.
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I'm a very good driver.
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Great, great.
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Just go, please.
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Ding, ding, ding.
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What are you doing?
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The captain is requesting
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that all passengers please fasten
their safety belts.
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Oh. Can you get that for me, please?
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Sure, Sam.
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Where is it?
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It's not here.
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Ow! That hurt.
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I'm sorry.
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Nice and snug.
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Here we go.
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Ignition.
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Lights.
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Parking brake.
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Mirror.
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Signal.
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Blind spot.
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Vermont, here we come.
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Lord, have mercy!
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What? What happened?
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I didn't think that pigeon was going
to fly away in time.
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Why do they always wait
till the last minute?
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What, do they think
that's funny or something?
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I don't know, Woody.
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All right, Sam, hang on.
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We're going to pull out again.
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Mirror. Signal. Blind spot.
176
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There.
177
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"Exit 19."
178
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:08,650
"Concord street."
179
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"Exit 20."
180
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"Route 125."
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- Woody...
- Hang on, Sam.
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00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:20,453
"93 North."
183
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,581
Oh, no. Please don't read
all the road signs.
184
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Oh, fine, Sam.
185
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Would you like me to ignore
the speed limit, too?
186
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I wouldn't mind
if you approached it.
187
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Meow, Sam.
188
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,513
Sam, I hear some rattling.
ls your door closed all the way?
189
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,390
No, it's not. Here, I'll get it.
190
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:43,893
No, hang on. I'm going to pull over
as soon as I make this turn.
191
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,813
No, don't undo your seat belt!
192
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,815
Give me a break.
Would you lighten up?
193
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,151
Now, would that have happened
194
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,944
if you'd been wearing
your safety belt?
195
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,535
Now, boys, girls,
196
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,037
I have an orange under my chin.
197
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:07,167
I'm going to attempt to pass it
to this lovely woman
198
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,877
whom I do not fear.
199
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,010
Now, you see? isn't that fun?
200
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,806
Now why don't you
have a crack at it?
201
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,683
Edward, how about you?
202
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,227
Here you are. Lovely.
203
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:28,855
Ready? Here it is.
204
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,064
Good, good, good, good.
205
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,235
I don't think
I want to do this, doctor.
206
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,113
Oh, all right.
207
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,615
And what would you
suggest that we do,
208
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:40,283
stare at one another?
209
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,243
Lord knows you've all had
enough practice at that!
210
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,204
You're pressuring them, doctor.
211
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:45,496
Oh, you're right, darling.
212
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:48,750
You know, perhaps we should
try a different approach.
213
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:53,421
You know, there is a technique
pioneered in the early sixties
214
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:55,673
which is thought to be
without peer in producing
215
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,508
the social effect that we seek.
216
00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,427
I am referring, of course, to...
217
00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:01,012
...twister!
218
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:03,473
Left foot blue.
219
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,235
Oh, yeah.
220
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,113
This place is going
to see some action tonight.
221
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:29,165
Sam, you still got a little gravel
stuck to the back of your neck.
222
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,708
Yeah, well, I like it like that.
223
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,170
Just get me on the bed there
and you can take off.
224
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,630
Come pick me up in the morning.
225
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,759
Oh. Hey, that's Lauren's car there.
226
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,970
Oh, great! I'm really
looking forward to meeting her.
227
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:43,388
No, you got to get out of here.
228
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:44,764
If she sees you, she's going
to think something's wrong.
229
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,183
It'll ruin the mood. Quick.
Get out the window. Go on.
230
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:50,228
Oh, sure. "Quick, out the window."
231
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:53,773
Not exactly the undying thanks
and gratitude I might expect
232
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,317
after driving 200 miles
through the snow.
233
00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:57,986
Would you just shut up
and move your butt?
234
00:12:58,152 --> 00:12:59,237
That's much better, Sam.
235
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:00,989
That'll keep me warm
on the drive back.
236
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,958
Sam, there's a door here.
Why'd I go out the window?
237
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:14,961
Would you get out of here? Go on!
238
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:29,142
Happy Valentine's Day, Sam.
239
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,185
Happy Valentine's Day, Lauren.
240
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:34,022
- Aw. Wait.
- What are you doing?
241
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,525
- I want to get a running start.
- No! No! No! No!
242
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,485
No!
243
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:47,952
Now, you have to play
by the rules.
244
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,705
The bottle is clearly pointing at Jill.
245
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:53,875
Now, Jules, you have to kiss her.
246
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,293
I pass.
247
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,378
For the hundredth time,
you cannot pass.
248
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:58,755
Okay, I quit.
249
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,928
Perhaps it's time
we admit our failure.
250
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,972
It was a well-intentioned experiment,
251
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:09,807
but we realize now
that you're not ready
252
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,060
for this type of social interaction.
253
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:15,646
I guess we can only conclude
by saying, "Oh, well."
254
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:20,026
No! I'm not giving up.
255
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,986
How difficult can it be
to kiss a woman?
256
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:23,613
Be a little assertive
for once in your life.
257
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:26,407
Now, you see
how easy that was?
258
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:27,450
Again.
259
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:28,993
Again.
260
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,089
Class dismissed. Let's go, hon.
261
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,149
- Sam, is something wrong?
- Why?
262
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:03,653
You're biting your lip.
Usually you bite my lip.
263
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,281
- I'm sorry.
- I have an idea.
264
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,457
Let's dance the way
we used to, Sam.
265
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:22,296
You know something?
266
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:25,133
We always dance.
Why don't we just...
267
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:28,594
Why don't we just sit very still, huh?
268
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:33,099
It could become
a new tradition for us.
269
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,351
Come on, Sam.
Let's slow-dance.
270
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:37,145
Oh, gee.
271
00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:39,730
You like that, huh?
272
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,441
Hey. I got a great idea.
273
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,317
Tell you what.
274
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,779
You want to learn that new dance
that's sweeping Boston?
275
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,114
I'm game. What do we do?
276
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,325
The guy kind of
stands like this, very still,
277
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:55,204
and sometimes he leans
up against something.
278
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:58,332
Then pretty soon
his legs start to tremble.
279
00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:00,168
The way yours are now.
280
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:01,419
Yeah, yeah.
281
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:02,503
Well, do you like it?
282
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:09,510
- Well, what does the girl do?
- Usually she runs for some ice.
283
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,181
You don't want to dance,
do you, Sam?
284
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,600
You know, the truth is I really don't.
285
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:16,809
Sam, what's going on?
286
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:21,272
- What do you mean?
- Never mind. I think I know.
287
00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:26,068
I mean, it's obvious. I'm not exactly
as young as I used to be.
288
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,403
Oh, no, sweetheart.
Wait a minute.
289
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:28,738
Is that what you think?
290
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:31,699
It's okay. You can level with me.
I've gotten too old for you.
291
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,744
No, honey. Listen, age has
nothing to do with it.
292
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:40,917
You are still as young and sexy
as that first day and night
293
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,919
and the next morning that we met.
294
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,337
Really, Sam?
295
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,131
Then why are you
acting so standoffish?
296
00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:50,134
Yeah. Oh, honey,
I got to level with you.
297
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,553
I fell down the steps today.
I threw my back out.
298
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:53,554
I can barely move.
299
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,391
Well, I'm not surprised.
A man your age.
300
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,196
Hey, look.
301
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,574
That cute guy
with the hairy knuckles,
302
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:19,288
he just left me a five-buck tip
inside this Valentine. How about that?
303
00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:26,879
So what?
304
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,756
I thought that we...
305
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:30,550
...didn't care...
306
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,678
...about that stupid, made-up...
307
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,013
...Valentine corporate...
308
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:37,598
...garbage.
309
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,983
That's just what losers say
when they don't get any,
310
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:51,612
but I got one, and at 11:40,
right under the wire.
311
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:54,115
Whoa, I almost pulled
a Rebecca that time.
312
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,035
That's not very nice, Carla.
313
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:02,081
You're right. I'm sorry.
314
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,417
I almost forgot.
315
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:05,835
Guess who called you
316
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,962
- to wish you Happy Valentine's Day?
- Who?
317
00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:09,130
Nobody.
318
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:15,678
Well...
319
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,014
Don't you worry there, Rebecca.
320
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,432
Nobody's a loser on this day.
321
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:22,518
I'm not going to let you
leave the bar empty-handed.
322
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:24,228
What's this?
323
00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:29,400
It's a Valentine's card I got for mom,
but I think it suits you better.
324
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:32,486
Gee, Cliff. Thanks!
325
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,864
Hey! Carla!
326
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,324
I did get one!
327
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,869
So, what am I
going to get for it?
328
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,875
- What do you mean?
- Ah, come on, baby.
329
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,293
Swing a little.
330
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,382
What?
331
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:57,928
Well, according to Frase,
babes like guys who are assertive.
332
00:18:58,971 --> 00:18:59,847
Come on.
333
00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,391
Robin's not here,
Sam's out of the picture.
334
00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,645
You had the rest.
Now try the best.
335
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:19,700
Happy Valentine's Day, Cliff.
336
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:26,540
Thank you.
337
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:38,010
Cliff ie, where... where is ev...
338
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:39,970
Cliff ie?
339
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:43,849
Cliff ie!
340
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:00,866
Thank you.
341
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,373
I've had 20/20 vision all my life.
342
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:08,499
Now when I go to a restaurant,
343
00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:09,959
I have to have someone
at the next table
344
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,669
hold the menu so I can read it.
345
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:16,048
The worst thing about old age
is when you get so old,
346
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:19,093
the skin under your arm
starts getting loose
347
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,928
and hanging like turkey wattle.
348
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,515
I thought that only
happened to women.
349
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,600
Yeah. That's what I meant.
350
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,439
I just hate to see it, that's all.
351
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,275
Has your doctor
put you on a bran diet?
352
00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:35,901
Oh, yeah. God.
353
00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:38,612
Oh, I tell you... Oh, thank you.
354
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,574
Last year was the worst.
355
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,701
I went in for this stomach problem.
356
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:46,245
Turned out I had a stone
the size of a golf ball.
357
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:47,747
It took me a month to pass it.
358
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:50,124
Sam, has your hair
started turning gray?
359
00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,334
Hey, you're getting a little
personal there, aren't you?
360
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:55,379
Sam, look! It's getting light out.
361
00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:57,256
We've been talking all night.
362
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:59,508
Huh. Hey, how about that?
363
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:03,345
You know, it's... that's a first.
Kind of nice to know
364
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:05,806
that we have something
in common besides our bodies.
365
00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:08,976
Yeah. We have a deterioration
of our bodies.
366
00:21:10,561 --> 00:21:13,105
Well, I've got a long drive ahead.
I better get started.
367
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,483
No, wait, wait.
Wait a second here.
368
00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:20,196
Listen, honey, you can't go now.
We barely spent the night together.
369
00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:21,405
Why can't you stay?
370
00:21:21,572 --> 00:21:23,991
Oh, Sam, I would love to,
but you know how this works...
371
00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:25,409
Just one night a year.
372
00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,703
Yeah, but that's a stupid rule,
you know that?
373
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:29,205
I never have understood that.
374
00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:30,706
Why can't you stay?
375
00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:32,792
I have to get to Portland
by Presidents' Day.
376
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,627
There's a linebacker
I always meet there.
377
00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:40,132
You... you do this with other guys?
378
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:41,592
Well, you have
other women, don't you?
379
00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:43,636
Well, yeah, but not once a year.
380
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:47,723
I mean, I thought
I was special to you.
381
00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:51,310
Oh, Sam, you are.
You'll always be my Valentine.
382
00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:57,483
Next year.
383
00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:00,986
Yeah, all right. Bye-bye.
384
00:22:02,446 --> 00:22:05,616
Listen, I could start seeing you
on Arbor Day, too.
385
00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:07,827
Really? Oh, great.
386
00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:10,329
Don't you see another guy
on Arbor Day, though?
387
00:22:10,496 --> 00:22:11,497
I did, but he died.
388
00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:15,334
- How?
- Happy.
389
00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:20,965
Yeah, yeah. We'll do it next time.
390
00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:38,774
Thank you.