1 00:00:01,627 --> 00:00:04,463 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:05,964 Quite a night, huh, Norm? 3 00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,592 - Yep. - Yeah. 4 00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:11,094 Still can't believe old Sammy wants to be a dad. 5 00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,222 Yep. 6 00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:16,517 Now, he's gotta be real careful about choosing a mother. 7 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,268 A lot of things to consider. 8 00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:21,980 Like, for example, how the genes match up. 9 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,065 Yeah. 10 00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:25,234 I wish my parents had given that a little bit more thought. 11 00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:28,862 And, you know, 12 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:32,616 maybe I'd be able to jump a little higher, run a little faster. 13 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,537 You know that the jumping gene in my ma, 14 00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:38,580 let's call it the "J" gene, 15 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,250 it's recessive. 16 00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:44,086 You know, so, if my ma had gotten matched up 17 00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:47,631 with a guy with a dominant jumpin' gene, 18 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,759 you know, let's say, like... 19 00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:52,594 Carl Lewis. 20 00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:54,388 Well... 21 00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:56,473 I'm telling you, Norm, 22 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:57,975 could have been a whole different playground 23 00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,518 for little Cliff ie Lewis. 24 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:04,022 Cliff ie, I hate to interrupt, but we're here. 25 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:07,818 Normie, how come you always drop me off 26 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:09,403 at least six blocks away from my house? 27 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:10,821 Well, this time, it's a mile. 28 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,116 Get out. 29 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,399 Previously, on Cheers... 30 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,568 No more Rebecca the jerk, 31 00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:33,236 no more Rebecca the go on ball, 32 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,030 Rebecca the loser. 33 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:36,990 Rebecca the mother. 34 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,868 I'm gonna have a brand new human baby. 35 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,497 I can't wait! 36 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,457 You know, a new life, 37 00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:49,086 a new life that depends completely on me. 38 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,222 Can you believe it? I forgot my coat. 39 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,558 Look at me, just so excited about this. 40 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,436 I don't know. I'm gonna be a mommy. 41 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,106 Oh! I'm gonna be a mommy. 42 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,316 - Rebecca. Honey, honey. - What, Sam? 43 00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:12,734 Are you sure you're ready for this? 44 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,194 Well, don't I look ready? 45 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,363 Okay, maybe I'm thrown off by the coat rack. 46 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,407 Oh, I hate it when I do that. 47 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:19,533 Oh, here. 48 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,659 Well, you think we're ready, don't you? 49 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,744 I mean, you don't think that we're rushing this, do you? 50 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:23,995 You need a little time to think it over? 51 00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:25,914 Sweetheart, sweetheart. Come on. Turn around. 52 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:28,542 I think we're both very excited by this. 53 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:31,336 You want to be a mommy, right? And I want to be a daddy. 54 00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:33,463 I think that the decision has been made here. 55 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:34,798 Sam, just give it a yank. 56 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:38,552 Are you hurt? 57 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:40,846 No, no. I'm fine. 58 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:44,516 Okay. What do you think? Do you want to give it till tomorrow? 59 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,059 Please? 60 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:55,986 Hey, everybody. Guess what? My buddy just bowled a 300! 61 00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:58,363 Hey, great. Like anybody cares, huh? 62 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:00,907 A round of drinks on me. 63 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,201 All right! Way to roll that melon, buddy! 64 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:07,122 Here you go. Here you go, bud. 65 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:08,498 Oh, sorry, missy. 66 00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:10,375 What for? 67 00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:13,170 You think I won't enjoy a cigar because I'm a woman? 68 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,505 I'll save it for the George Sand Film Festival. 69 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:19,968 You see, what you don't understand 70 00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:23,847 is that my wife just made a very funny literary reference 71 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,768 to a woman that used to dress as a man and lived in France. 72 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,686 Was he a bowler? 73 00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:32,230 Sure. What the hell. 74 00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:38,445 Hey, why don't you have the smokers sitting in the smoking section? 75 00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,364 Of course. Where's my head? 76 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:44,409 Probably in the pumpkin patch wondering when the mix-up occurred. 77 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,372 Sammy, we have a smoking section? 78 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,292 - Yeah, over by the piano. - We have a piano? 79 00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,257 I got to turn my head more. 80 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:07,557 Hi, Sam. 81 00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:10,185 Hi. Sorry about last night. 82 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,187 Oh, no. Don't worry about it. You feeling better? 83 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:15,565 - You didn't bruise, did you? - Sweetheart, it's not a peach. 84 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,736 So, do you still want to be a mommy? 85 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,404 You still want to be a daddy? 86 00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:23,949 - I do if you do. - I do. 87 00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:26,368 Great. Alright. I'll be right back. 88 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:27,494 Hold it. Wait, wait. 89 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,329 - We have to sit a second. - What? 90 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,413 Look... 91 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,875 I don't want this to be that we just do it. 92 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,836 I want this to be special. 93 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,796 I mean, what's gonna happen when our child asks us 94 00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:39,923 about the night we conceived? What are we gonna say? 95 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,550 How about "Mind your own business"? 96 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:44,719 Sam, be serious. 97 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:47,264 I know, I know. 98 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:48,932 Let's do something 99 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,393 that you have never done before with a woman. 100 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:52,644 All right, all right. 101 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:03,029 Okay, okay. Let's do something that you've only done once. 102 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:06,074 Okay, all right. That... that... 103 00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:12,622 Let's just have a nice, simple, romantic evening. 104 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,791 All right. Now, that I can do. That I can do. I tell you what. 105 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,585 - You got a fireplace, right? - Yeah. 106 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,753 Well, there you go. It's a perfect evening. 107 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,506 Dinner, fire, a little jiffy-pop. 108 00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,383 - Sam, don't be crass. - No, no, no. 109 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:24,634 I was talking about popcorn. 110 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,430 Okay. That was funny. No, you got a date. 111 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:29,514 All right. Wait a second. 112 00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:32,183 Woody, we're out of here. You're in charge of the bar. 113 00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:34,936 Why bother, Sam? 114 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,772 Whenever you put me in charge, nobody ever listens to me. 115 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:40,817 I just get laughed at and get drinks poured over my head. 116 00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:42,903 Anyone does that to you, you just sic Carla on them. 117 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,487 I'm talking about Carla. 118 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:47,616 All right, listen up, everybody. 119 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,201 Whenever Rebecca and I aren't in the bar, 120 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,578 Woody's in charge. 121 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,296 Is that better? 122 00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:05,634 Kind of. At least it's not a margarita. Those get salt in my eyes. 123 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,262 Listen, I'm out of here, guys. 124 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:12,140 I'll be back in a couple hours, depending on how things go. 125 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,350 Where you going, Sam? 126 00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,518 It's kind of personal, Norm. 127 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,228 All right, let's go. 128 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,563 - Let me get that for you. - Okay. 129 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:19,731 Here we go. 130 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,361 Looks like Sammy's acting kind of weird, huh? 131 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:25,362 Yeah. 132 00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,280 Can't you beer-butts figure it out? 133 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,324 Sam's been searching for weeks 134 00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:31,326 to find the perfect woman to have his baby. 135 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,745 Obviously, he's given up and asked Rebecca. 136 00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:36,539 No way. 137 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,249 Something that big, Sammy would have told us. 138 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:40,460 Why do you assume the rest of the world 139 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,421 lives by your outdated code of male bonding? 140 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:47,133 Do you think every man goes around telling his buddies 141 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,427 when he decides to sire an offspring? 142 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,429 Frasier did. 143 00:07:58,645 --> 00:07:59,562 Anyhoo... 144 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,697 Woody, can you do something about that smoke? 145 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,324 Don't worry, Mr. Clavin. I'll take care of it. 146 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:16,579 Excuse me, sir. My name is Woody Boyd, 147 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,623 and I'm kind of in charge here tonight. 148 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:22,335 Well, my friend over there is kind of bothered by your smoke. 149 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,255 And so, I was hoping you'd move to the back of the smoking section. 150 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:27,757 I think that would really be the considerate thing to do. 151 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,676 Well, you can tell your friend this... 152 00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,727 So, Woody, what did he say? 153 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,778 Wow, I'm impressed. 154 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,655 Where did you learn how to cook? 155 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:52,866 When I was a kid, my mom thought 156 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:56,161 that all boys should do a little bit of cooking. 157 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:59,372 - I never knew that. - Oh, yeah. I have a sensitive side. 158 00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,500 As a matter of fact, why don't we put on some music 159 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,419 and see how long it takes you to find it. 160 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,049 Where do you keep your Johnny Mathis? 161 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,633 I don't think I have any. 162 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,595 Oh. Well, who needs music? 163 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:14,846 Allow me. 164 00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,185 Look at me 165 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:23,688 I didn't know you could sing that high. 166 00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:25,440 I couldn't before the coat rack. 167 00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:35,116 What? 168 00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,869 Nothing. I'm just nervous. 169 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,163 Oh, come on. There's nothing to be nervous about. 170 00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,498 Oh, no. I mean, we're just going to make 171 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,541 the biggest decision of our lives. 172 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,794 I mean, don't you think that's a little bit scary? 173 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,797 Come on, you can't pressure yourself like that. 174 00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:52,801 I mean, once we do this, there's no turning back. 175 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:53,802 No, no. Come on. 176 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,970 That's just the thing you can't think about here. 177 00:09:57,055 --> 00:10:01,101 "After tonight, everything will be different for life." 178 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,229 Or "I may have done this a million times, but... 179 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,523 ...this is the one that counts." 180 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:10,860 I mean, you start doing that, 181 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,654 and you're not gonna be able to do it. 182 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:15,740 Sam, you're not thinking about it, are you? 183 00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:17,242 No, no. Don't be silly. 184 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,704 Oh, you're right, Sam. 185 00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,415 Let's just go for it. 186 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,461 - Right now? - It's now or never, Sam. 187 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,338 Let's make a baby. 188 00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:33,133 No, but right now? 189 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,261 - What's the matter? - Nothing's the matter. Don't be silly. 190 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:37,720 Nothing's the matter. It's just that... 191 00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:41,391 Not everything's right, right now. 192 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,309 We don't have Johnny Mathis. Yeah, that's it. 193 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,228 Tell you what. Why don't I... 194 00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:46,896 Why don't I go to the record store? 195 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,481 - I'll be right back. - No, Sam! 196 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,984 If we're gonna make a baby, I'm gonna need my Johnny. 197 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,752 What's wrong, Sam? 198 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,677 Sam, what is it? 199 00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:19,637 I... 200 00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:21,431 - I... I... - What... what? 201 00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,683 Is it an accident? A fire? 202 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,101 Do you want us to follow you? 203 00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:31,733 Sam. Look, just pull yourself together 204 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:32,817 and tell me what it is. 205 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,612 I... 206 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,155 ...can't. 207 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:38,489 Yes, you can. 208 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:42,368 Look, just organize your thoughts, form the words, and tell me. 209 00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:45,622 - I can't. - Sam, if you want me to help you, 210 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:46,956 You're going to have to tell me what the problem is. 211 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,083 - I am. - Well then, what is it? 212 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,210 I can't. 213 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,794 You can't what? 214 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,424 Oh, dear Lord. 215 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,761 Am I to assume that Sam Malone is unable to... 216 00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:07,560 You got to help me, man. 217 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:11,022 All right, Sam. Let's... Let's examine this problem. 218 00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,065 Okay. 219 00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:15,401 What is the difference between this experience 220 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,654 and the thousands of times that have gone before? 221 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:19,656 All right, well... 222 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:21,491 It was with Rebecca. 223 00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,117 Well, you've been intimate with Rebecca before. 224 00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:24,535 Yeah, no, that... 225 00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:27,789 It's not sex. I mean, we want to have a baby. 226 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,708 We... what we're trying to do 227 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:33,127 is wholesome and natural and beautiful, 228 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,796 and it's turning me off. 229 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:40,093 Sam, 230 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:44,305 your whole life has been a string of meaningless, 231 00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:46,891 albeit enjoyable, sexual encounters. 232 00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:52,188 Now, for the first time, you're engaging in a meaningful, productive pursuit. 233 00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:56,359 You see, it's a common conflict between what we call recreational sex 234 00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,278 and procreational sex. 235 00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,281 - What? - Dirty sex and clean sex. 236 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:06,911 Now, it is this conflict that is making you unable to function. 237 00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:09,289 Oh. Oh, yeah. That's good. 238 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:10,331 All right. Oh, geez. 239 00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,250 Boy, for a minute, I thought maybe there was something wrong 240 00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:14,127 with the seal on my microwave. 241 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,132 Now, Sam... 242 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,467 What you're going to have to do is... 243 00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:23,219 ...keep your mind... 244 00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:26,764 ...thinking of dirty things. 245 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:28,933 You see what I mean? 246 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,019 It's like, skip everything about a baby. 247 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,271 Forget that Rebecca's going to be a mother 248 00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:34,981 or that you're going to be a father. 249 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:38,818 Instead, concentrate on the heat, the passion you generate. 250 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,070 Trick your body into thinking of this 251 00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:43,573 as just another tawdry one-night stand. 252 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:44,907 Come with me. 253 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:48,995 You can do it, Sam. 254 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,456 You have to. You owe it to men everywhere. 255 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:55,877 Yeah, all right. Think heat. 256 00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:58,504 Think heat. Think heat. 257 00:13:58,671 --> 00:13:59,922 Think heat. Think heat. 258 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,466 Think heat. Think heat. 259 00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,051 Not yet. Not yet. 260 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:09,265 Hey, Woodrot, what's with the cigar party back there? 261 00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:10,975 Well, the smoking section wasn't big enough, 262 00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:13,269 so exercising my powers as manager, 263 00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:14,771 I moved everybody back into the pool room. 264 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,982 Yeah, well, if you'd exercise your brain, you'd realize there are no vents, 265 00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,734 and the windows are painted shut. 266 00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:22,612 It's like Clavin in the middle of July back there. 267 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,364 Well, what do you expect? 268 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,783 There's no vents, and the windows are painted shut. 269 00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:30,995 Don't worry, Carla. I've installed a fan. 270 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,457 All I got to do is some simple wiring. 271 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:39,420 Cheers. 272 00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:41,798 It's nice to see Woody in charge, huh? 273 00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:42,882 Seems like only yesterday 274 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,926 he couldn't find his way around the barn 275 00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,636 and he got lost in the storeroom. 276 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:48,679 That was yesterday. 277 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,892 Phone call for you, chalk face. 278 00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:54,936 Thank you... 279 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,687 ...Velcro Top. 280 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,109 I've been waiting to use that. 281 00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:04,862 Hello. 282 00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,531 - Lilith. - Yes? 283 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:08,533 Has Sam been there? 284 00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:10,034 He was, but he just left. 285 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,536 Did he say anything? 286 00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:12,787 Not to me. Why? 287 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:14,831 Can I trust you? 288 00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:17,792 Of course you can trust me. I'm a professional. 289 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:18,960 If you have a problem, 290 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,795 I'm more than equipped to help you work through it 291 00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:21,879 in a rational manner. 292 00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:23,005 Woody, two beers. 293 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,382 Shut up. This is juicy. 294 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:30,680 I'm sorry. Please continue. 295 00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:33,891 You know, Sam and I are trying to have a baby. 296 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,227 All right, tonight when we were... 297 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:42,024 Just when things got all, you know, heated and involved, 298 00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:44,235 well, he left for no apparent reason. 299 00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:47,029 I mean, I don't think Sam was turned on. 300 00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:49,073 Oh, my God. The seventh sign. 301 00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:52,618 Lilith, what am I doing wrong? 302 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:56,080 Am I not hot enough? Am I not sexy enough? 303 00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:58,583 Actually, Rebecca, perhaps you're too sexy. 304 00:15:58,749 --> 00:15:59,709 What do you mean? 305 00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,294 And thank you. 306 00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,755 Well, Sam is the type of person 307 00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:07,675 for whom sex has always been down and dirty. 308 00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:09,677 Now that he's trying to father a child, 309 00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:12,555 dirty sex is the furthest thing from his mind. 310 00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:13,848 He wants it clean. 311 00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,308 So, what do I do? 312 00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,603 Well, don't act hot and sexy, that's for sure. 313 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:22,732 Just keep reminding him that he's making a baby. 314 00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:25,485 The evening should be sacred and holy. 315 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,695 That'll get his engine running. 316 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,990 I got it, Lilith. Thank you so much. 317 00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,200 All right. 318 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:33,993 Who was that on the phone, dear? 319 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,661 I was just counseling Rebecca. 320 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,788 And I was counseling Sam. 321 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,999 Recreational versus procreational sex? 322 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,585 Exactly. They're so lucky to have us. 323 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:46,255 Woody! I can't breathe in here. 324 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,674 When are you gonna turn on that stupid fan? 325 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:52,720 Oh, it's all ready to go. All I got to do is throw a switch. 326 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:57,391 Woody! 327 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:01,395 Woody! Woody! 328 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:02,480 Turn it off! 329 00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:04,732 Woody! 330 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:14,575 Honey? Oh, thank God You're still here. 331 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,410 I'm sorry I ran out like that. 332 00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:19,872 Oh, Sam, don't say another word. Everything's going to be just fine. 333 00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:26,254 Oh, yeah. Oh, this is hot. 334 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:32,426 With heat like this, you'll fertilize my egg in no time. 335 00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,513 Yeah... Anyway... 336 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,016 Listen, you are looking so sexy tonight. 337 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,059 Yeah, 338 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:43,104 cause I'm about to grow your child inside my womb. 339 00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:45,898 Hot cha, hot cha, hot cha. 340 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:51,654 And then I'll give birth to a new life, and you'll be there to cut that cord. 341 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,324 Are you going to be talking like this all night? 342 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:59,245 You ain't heard nothin' yet, oh, giver of life. 343 00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:02,665 Giver of life? Excuse me just a second, okay, hon? 344 00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:05,835 I got to just... 345 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,798 What's going on in there, daddy? 346 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:12,925 I'll be right out, mommy. 347 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,677 I mean mama. 348 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:16,804 - Hello? - Norm? 349 00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:19,307 - Yeah. - What are you doing there, man? 350 00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:20,725 Where's Woody? 351 00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,643 He's otherwise engaged. 352 00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:28,149 Well, Norm, let me talk to Frasier, will you? 353 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:29,859 Yeah. Fras. 354 00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:31,694 It's Sammy. 355 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,073 What is it, Sam? 356 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,491 Listen, this isn't working, man. 357 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:38,868 I'm thinking hot, and all she keeps doing 358 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,411 is talking about mothering stuff. 359 00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:42,455 You must keep it hot, Sam. Trust me. 360 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,956 I'm trying. I'm trying. 361 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,042 Sam, where are you now? 362 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:47,918 I'm in the kitchen, but don't worry. 363 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,630 She can't hear me. I'm running the water here. 364 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,131 You can do that? 365 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:53,633 Whenever I hear water running, 366 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,384 it gives me the urge to go to the bathroom. 367 00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:57,887 Well, thanks a lot, man. 368 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,724 In fact, just hearing it now over the phone... 369 00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:04,018 Lilith, would you? 370 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,730 Frasier! 371 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:09,106 Sam? 372 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,316 Lilith. 373 00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:12,652 Is everything all right? 374 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,945 Yeah, sure. No, it's fine. 375 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,156 Let me talk to Rebecca. 376 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:19,784 All right. Okay. Hold on a second, will you? 377 00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,246 Yeah, it's for you. It's Lilith. Excuse me. 378 00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:29,418 - Lilith? - Yes. 379 00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:31,587 It's not working. 380 00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:33,339 I have done everything you told me to do, 381 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:34,924 and he still has a problem. 382 00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:37,802 Sounds to me like you're still being too sexy. 383 00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:39,178 Well, I don't know how... 384 00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,055 You know, you are so kind. 385 00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,266 Redouble your efforts. 386 00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:47,770 You must remain wholesome, no matter what. Trust me. 387 00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,939 - I'll do my best. - All right. 388 00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,739 That's it. No more talking. 389 00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:00,700 Just down and dirty from here on out. 390 00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:08,374 God, Sam. 391 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,751 As long as we're down here on our knees... 392 00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:11,752 Yes? Yes? 393 00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,296 I think we ought to take this chance to thank God 394 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,215 for the great gift he's about to give us. 395 00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:20,219 Oh, that's it. I give up. 396 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,345 What's the matter? 397 00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:22,680 How do you expect me to get in the mood 398 00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:26,350 when you're talking about babies and cords and God and stuff? 399 00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:27,893 Well, I thought that's what you wanted to hear. 400 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,895 Well, where'd you get that idea? 401 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,522 - Lilith. - Lilith? 402 00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:34,859 You talked to Lilith about us? Come on. 403 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,902 I thought this was just supposed to be between you and me. 404 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,946 I can't believe you shared this with somebody else. 405 00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:41,532 Besides, Frasier said we're supposed to act hot! 406 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:49,331 Sam, if you were having a problem, why didn't you just tell me? 407 00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:52,334 Well, no, wait, wait. Who said I was having a problem? 408 00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:54,462 Weren't you? 409 00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,088 Maybe. 410 00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:58,758 Sam... 411 00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:00,801 You could have done both of us a favor 412 00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:02,636 if you'd just told me what I was doing wrong. 413 00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:04,680 No, oh, come on. You weren't doing anything wrong. 414 00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,474 It wasn't you, it was me. 415 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:11,061 I mean, I've had sex millions of times, but it's never had a purpose before. 416 00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:15,149 No, that's not true. It had a purpose, but... 417 00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:17,735 It didn't have a goal. 418 00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:21,781 No, it had a goal. It's just... It's complicated. 419 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:24,408 Sam, Sam, look, you don't have to explain. 420 00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:26,911 I just wish you'd been able to talk to me. That's all. 421 00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:28,829 Yeah, you're probably right. 422 00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:30,414 I mean, if we can't talk to each other, 423 00:21:30,581 --> 00:21:32,166 what kind of parents are we going to make? 424 00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:33,793 Not very good ones. 425 00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,545 Sam, maybe we're not ready for this. 426 00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:39,340 Maybe. 427 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:45,179 Shoot. 428 00:21:48,766 --> 00:21:51,268 - Well, I guess I better go, huh? - Okay. 429 00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:53,979 Are you sure you're okay? 430 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,315 Yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay? 431 00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:57,399 Oh, yeah. 432 00:21:58,192 --> 00:21:59,693 I'm as helpless 433 00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:02,363 As a kitten up a tree 434 00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:06,116 How about that? Johnny Mathis. 435 00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:08,410 Say, I don't suppose your neighbor's single, huh? 436 00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:10,120 Yes, he is. 437 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:14,458 I get misty 438 00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:15,501 Bye-bye. 439 00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,920 Just holding your hand 440 00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:26,262 Walk my way 441 00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:33,102 And a thousand violins begin to play 442 00:22:34,103 --> 00:22:36,564 Or it might be the sound of... 443 00:22:45,489 --> 00:22:46,615 Oh, baby. 444 00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:48,784 Would you stop saying that?!