1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,505
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:06,215
I got something to add
to the conversation.
3
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:10,511
If a 100-megaton warhead
detonated over the City of Boston,
4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:15,349
the results would be so horrific,
that the survivors would envy the dead.
5
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,354
We weren't having
a conversation, Cliff.
6
00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:25,567
Well, then food for thought.
7
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:41,685
Hi, guys.
8
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:44,062
- Hey, there he is!
- All right, a star is born!
9
00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:45,355
Oh, Woody.
10
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:48,025
Woody, you opened last night
in Arsenic and Old Lace.
11
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:50,319
Why didn't you tell me
so I could go?
12
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,112
Well, I did tell you, Miss Howe.
13
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:55,532
I told you dozens of times
and I sent you an invitation
14
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:57,492
with a cute little cartoon
of me drawn on it.
15
00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:58,952
You said you were going to be there
16
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,079
and I reserved a seat
for you in the front row.
17
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,250
Then I was sick.
18
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,921
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you feeling better?
19
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:11,632
So-so.
20
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,178
Well, it's probably best
you didn't come last night.
21
00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,096
I still got to iron out a few bugs.
22
00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,599
All I can tell you, Woody,
is that Ma loved the play.
23
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:23,060
I mean, there's something
about the idea of sweet old ladies
24
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:24,478
being cold-blooded murderers.
25
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,938
That just seemed
to tickle her funny bone.
26
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:30,067
All the way home
she just laughed and laughed.
27
00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:33,236
Matter of fact,
I woke up at 3:00 a.m.,
28
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:36,114
and there she was,
sitting in my room in a rocking chair,
29
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:40,452
rocking back and forth, staring at me
and making this low, guttural chuckle.
30
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,830
Boy, does she love the theater.
31
00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,042
Hi, guys!
32
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,835
Carla, your psychic called.
33
00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:51,672
Madame Lazora called me?
34
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,507
Yeah. She's coming by today.
35
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,551
Madame Lazora is coming by?
36
00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:59,346
Maybe she just wants to say hello.
37
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,890
Oh, no, no, no.
You don't understand.
38
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:05,102
Madame Lazora does not just say hello.
39
00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:10,023
She must've had a horrible premonition
of me getting hurt or killed
40
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,358
or pregnant.
41
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,363
Look, Carla, if you're really concerned
what this charlatan has to say,
42
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,657
- why don't you just call her?
- Yeah, you're right, Doc.
43
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,367
I might as well
just get it over with.
44
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:23,328
Wait a minute.
45
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,080
What if she was calling me
46
00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:27,582
to warn me to keep away
from telephones?
47
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:29,835
What if she's seen a vision of me
48
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:32,671
horribly disfigured
in a telephone accident?
49
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,590
Carla, don't be ridiculous.
50
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,557
Woody, you okay?
51
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:47,936
I don't know, Mr. Peterson.
This is bad. I can't breathe.
52
00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:49,479
I can't move.
53
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,440
Hey, Woody, your review is out.
54
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:54,109
It is? Oh, boy!
55
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,819
I can't wait to read it!
56
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,405
I'm going to make copies
and send them to my mom!
57
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:02,242
Oh, here, here.
You read it, Mr. Peterson.
58
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,410
I'm too nervous.
59
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,873
Well, he likes it.
60
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,876
- 'A charming romp."
- A charming romp!
61
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,919
He likes the cast. "A deft ensemble."
62
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,129
Deft ensemble!
63
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,256
What does he say about me?
64
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,716
And he sort of goes on and on.
65
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,762
No, no, go ahead.
Read it. I can take it.
66
00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:27,642
"Woody Boyd is weak."
67
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:30,729
Weak?
68
00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:32,564
Is that all?
69
00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,192
Not handsome and weak?
70
00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:39,654
Well, Woody,
you know what they say.
71
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,740
There's no such thing as bad press
72
00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:43,450
as long as they spell
your name right.
73
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,536
Actually, it says,
"Woody Doyb is weak."
74
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:55,003
Oh, Madame Lazora.
75
00:04:55,170 --> 00:05:00,175
I sense the tortured anguish
of many lost souls screaming for release.
76
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,677
That's probably me.
I had kielbasa for breakfast.
77
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,849
Madame Lazora, let me go get Carla.
78
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,100
She's gonna want
to see you right away.
79
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:12,229
- She's been kind of worried.
- I sensed she would be worried.
80
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,898
- How did she know?
- Amazing.
81
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,569
Oh, Carla, darling,
I must talk to you.
82
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:20,612
Please sit down.
83
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:22,197
Sam, just stay with me.
I'm really scared.
84
00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,157
All right, okay, all right. Here we go.
85
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,493
Just tell me it's going to be
quick and painless.
86
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,078
I don't understand.
87
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,914
You don't foresee
a hideous disaster in my future?
88
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:33,792
Of course I do,
but that's not why I'm here.
89
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,503
Well, then why?
90
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,130
Well, I have decided to retire
91
00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:40,966
and move to Florida
at the end of the year.
92
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:45,637
I see myself on Miami Beach
with those muscular cabana boys.
93
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,182
See, I told you there's
nothing to worry about.
94
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,142
Nothing to worry about?
95
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:53,854
Madame Lazora has been
my spiritual advisor
96
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,397
since I was 17 years old.
97
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:57,983
Without her, my life would've been
a complete disaster.
98
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,277
- Honey, I thought your life...
- Well, it could've been worse.
99
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:04,906
Sam, you're smothering me.
Get the lady a drink.
100
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:06,408
I'd like a beer, please.
101
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:08,451
Oh, wow, she read my mind.
102
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:16,751
Madame Lazora, if you retire,
what am I supposed to do?
103
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:19,504
Who am I going to turn to?
Who are all your clients going to turn to?
104
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:20,755
You.
105
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,174
Why me?
106
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,927
Because Princess Katya
said it would be so.
107
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:29,097
Princess Katya said that?
108
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,182
Sam, did you hear that?
109
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:36,104
Princess Katya has chosen me
to take over for Madame Lazora.
110
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:37,981
Who's princess Katya?
111
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:42,360
Just Madame Lazora's spirit guide,
her contact from the other side.
112
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:46,948
Katya. She was a 17th century
Romanian princess,
113
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,367
very much misunderstood in her day.
114
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:52,913
The villagers hammered
a mask lined with spikes
115
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,040
onto her face and burned her at the stake.
116
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:58,209
And to this day, that woman
still keeps her sense of humor.
117
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,464
Well, you got to admire that, don't you?
118
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:07,385
Princess Katya thinks
I have spiritual gifts?
119
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:08,595
She knows.
120
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:13,975
And tonight, when I return,
all the secrets of the spirit world
121
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:15,226
will be revealed to you.
122
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:18,813
- Well, why can't we start right now?
- I have to get my teeth cleaned.
123
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:22,025
We all have many lives,
but only one set of teeth.
124
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:29,491
I'm going to be a psychic!
Who could've predicted that?
125
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,373
I guess I better start practicing.
126
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:38,875
Sam, I'm going
to read your mind, okay?
127
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:40,043
Think of something.
128
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,544
- Right now?
- Yeah.
129
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,296
- Okay.
- Okay.
130
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,716
- You're thinking about your car.
- No.
131
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,178
You're thinking about some babe.
132
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,304
No.
133
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,973
Well, wait a minute,
give me a minute. I can do this.
134
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:54,349
Just give me a chance.
135
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,060
You're thinking about your hair.
136
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,144
No.
137
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:01,398
Come on, Sam, that's everything
you ever think about.
138
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,359
That's not true.
I think about other things.
139
00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:05,777
Yeah, like what?
140
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:07,237
Well, I was thinking about
what happened at the end
141
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,322
of "Planet of the Apes." I fell asleep.
142
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,910
Well, Sammy, Chuck Heston
found the decayed ruins
143
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,286
of the Statue of Liberty.
144
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,038
What are you saying?
145
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:20,208
Are you saying he was
on Planet Earth the whole time?
146
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,757
Man, I wasn't even close.
I guess I'm just fooling myself.
147
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:30,218
What a prize dork,
thinking I had the power.
148
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,971
Oh, come on, just cause
you didn't get it the first time?
149
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,347
- Come on, let's do it again.
- What's the use?
150
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,308
Come on, I wasn't concentrating.
We both weren't concentrating.
151
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:38,852
Now come on. Let's do it.
152
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,229
Okay. I'm going to do it
one more time.
153
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,025
You got to just relax,
though, Sam, okay?
154
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,193
- All right.
- I see something.
155
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:49,946
It's you...
156
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:51,698
And you're young...
157
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,992
And... it's summer.
158
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:57,996
And there's an animal, a pet.
You had a pet, didn't you, Sam?
159
00:08:58,163 --> 00:08:59,372
Yeah, yeah, I did.
160
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,583
And you loved him very much.
161
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:02,834
Yeah, I did love him.
162
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,128
Suddenly this is all so clear.
163
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:08,506
Frasier...
164
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:12,010
I see you as a young boy
165
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:15,013
reading all those books
and not having any friends.
166
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:24,647
Norm, I see you
having lots of friends
167
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,399
and not reading any books.
168
00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:31,613
And, Cliff, I see you...
169
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,579
Sam, Sam, there's more.
170
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:41,748
That pet...
171
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:47,629
...it's a Labrador named Sparky,
and he's running to a woman.
172
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:51,633
It's your mother.
Her black hair is waving in the wind.
173
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,927
Oh, my God, this is so incredible!
174
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:58,264
Madame Lazora was right.
I am gifted. I am a seer.
175
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,267
Marry that girl.
176
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:04,687
Quit that job!
177
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,690
I have the power!
178
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:13,738
How do you explain that, Dr. Crane.
179
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:15,198
Why ask me, Woody?
180
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:18,201
Do I know something
that no one else knows?
181
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,245
I mean, we all saw what we saw.
182
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,915
I mean, do you enjoy
having me explain
183
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,458
every little thing that happens?
184
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,335
You know, I mean,
185
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:30,004
"Let's ask the esteemed
Dr. Crane. He'll know."
186
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,757
Well, I'm sorry, Woody.
I have no answer for you.
187
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,385
Frankly, I'm downright scared.
188
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,471
To tell the truth,
I got a little creeped out
189
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,181
when she got that dog's name.
190
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,351
Frasier, calm down, man. I lied.
191
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:45,145
I just didn't want
to hurt her feelings.
192
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,437
I knew that.
193
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:49,983
Sam, can I have a scotch?
194
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,955
Oh, excuse me,
I'm looking for Woody Boyd.
195
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:06,082
- Oh, no.
- What is it?
196
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,002
It's my director... Lee Bradken.
197
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,670
Is Woody Boyd here?
198
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,005
Tell him I'm not here.
199
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,007
I'm sorry, Mr. Bradken, he's not here.
200
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,217
How did you know
my name was Bradken?
201
00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:17,635
Tell him it was a lucky guess.
202
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:18,720
Lucky guess.
203
00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:23,600
Who's that person crouching
by the side of your leg?
204
00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:26,352
Okay, give me
a minute on this one.
205
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,525
Woody, what do you mean
206
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,736
by saying you're not going
to do the show tonight?
207
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:38,114
Okay, I'm sorry, Mr. Bradken.
You're too smart for me.
208
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:40,116
Not that my partner
gave me a lot of help.
209
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:45,121
It's just that I read
that scathing review
210
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:48,208
and I just don't think
I can face an audience.
211
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:51,211
I'm not saying your performance
was weak, Woody,
212
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:56,049
but if it was, and it was, then maybe
that's because, as an actor,
213
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,260
you're afraid to examine
your own feelings.
214
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,263
Here, I want you to do an exercise.
215
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:06,434
Write down your true feelings
as they come to you. Okay?
216
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:10,438
Now, how do you feel right now?
217
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,191
I feel weak.
218
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:17,528
Not what other people
tell you to feel.
219
00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:19,155
Do you really feel weak?
220
00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:21,950
I feel strong.
221
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,701
Darn right, you do.
222
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,787
And how do you feel
about that critic?
223
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:27,705
Am angry.
224
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,874
So how are you going to get even?
225
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,252
TP his house.
226
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:38,967
No. By giving the best
performance you can give.
227
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:41,803
Look, I talked the critic
into coming back tonight, Woody.
228
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:44,722
If you can change his mind,
he'll say so in tomorrow's column.
229
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:48,226
Now, Woody, how do you feel
about going on tonight?
230
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,311
Feel great.
231
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:52,397
And how do you feel
about your fellow actors?
232
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,440
I am better than other actors.
233
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,235
Well, Woody...
234
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,320
Can direct better than Bradken.
235
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,322
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
236
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,324
You've still got a long way to go.
237
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,118
I'll see you tonight.
238
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:11,124
Is jealous of my youth
and good looks.
239
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:19,757
Guys, it's going to be so cool
being a spiritualist.
240
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:24,637
Poor Carla, it's going
to break her heart
241
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,056
when she sees that
she can't read the future.
242
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,309
Well, she must be able to, Miss Howe.
243
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,561
She filled out her time card
for the whole week.
244
00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:36,774
She's gonna work 80 hours
between now and Friday.
245
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,359
That is eerie.
246
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:43,781
Are you ready to receive
the spirit of Princess Katya?
247
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,074
You bet I am.
248
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,493
I can't wait to quit
this penny-ante job
249
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,370
and start doing something
I'm more suited for.
250
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,832
Excellent. Now all we need
is a nice quiet, dark place
251
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:53,916
where we won't be disturbed.
252
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,585
No problem, I'll clear out the pool room.
253
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:56,669
Good.
254
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,881
Hey, isn't that
Michelle Pfeiffer out front?
255
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,429
And who's she with? Kevin Costner?
256
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:08,264
Where? Where?
257
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,062
Hey, Sammy.
258
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,732
Catch you later.
When you see me again,
259
00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:19,525
I'm going to be
on a higher astral plane.
260
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,694
Yeah, well, wait,
hold on a second here.
261
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,697
You're not serious
about quitting Cheers, are you?
262
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,657
- Because if you are...
- No, you don't have to tell me.
263
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:27,992
I can read your mind.
264
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:30,870
You're afraid that we're
going to grow apart
265
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,163
and we're not gonna be
friends anymore,
266
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:36,250
because I'll be a psychic
and you'll be a lowly bartender.
267
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,420
Honey, you remember when
you were reading my mind?
268
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,798
Well, you didn't get as much
right as you thought.
269
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:43,800
Oh, yeah, what did I get wrong?
270
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,052
Everything.
271
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:48,846
But everything was so clear.
272
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,682
Well, okay, maybe I didn't
read your mind,
273
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,601
but I was definitely
reading somebody's mind,
274
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,770
because those images
were as clear as day.
275
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:58,314
- Come on, Carla.
- Okay, all right.
276
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:03,528
Who here had a mother with black hair
and a Labrador Retriever?
277
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:09,367
Come on! I can't be the only one.
278
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,126
Carla
279
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,253
Princess Katya and I are waiting.
280
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:22,797
Madame Lazora, I can't do this.
281
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:26,175
I'm sorry, but I am just not
cut out for this kind of stuff.
282
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:27,385
Are you telling me
283
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,554
that princess Katya
and I are wrong?
284
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,682
I'm telling you that I don't have
any psychic powers.
285
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,100
I tried.
286
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,769
The problem is you have no faith.
287
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:41,482
And without faith, you are not worthy
to house the spirit of Princess Katya.
288
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,902
I had such high hopes for you,
289
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:47,155
but now you're nothing
but an empty disappointment.
290
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:48,865
Farewell forever, Carla.
291
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,618
Lazora, halt.
292
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:56,289
I am Princess Katya.
293
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,916
I am inside Carla.
294
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,006
What happened?
295
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,383
Carla, you had faith,
and it happened.
296
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,135
It did?
297
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:12,805
- I did it? I did it!
- Yes, yes. You are a natural.
298
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,308
And more and more,
you will be able to see the spirits
299
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,684
of the dead are all around you.
300
00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:18,644
And very soon, you will see them
301
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:22,315
lingering in the shadows
of this very bar, just as I do.
302
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,485
Oh, that's just Lilith.
Everyone makes that mistake.
303
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:35,620
All the tools you will need
are here in this carved box.
304
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:40,750
Precious crystals,
windows to the unseen future...
305
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:45,463
The tarot cards,
ancient diviners of fortune...
306
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:49,967
The I Ching coins,
symbols of oriental wisdom...
307
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:52,470
The moist towelettes.
308
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:55,765
You get a lot of trade
off the street in this business.
309
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,684
Hello! Hello!
310
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,144
What's that, a spirit?
311
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,522
No, no, no, that's Bob, your first client.
312
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,899
I'll never forget my first client.
313
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,151
- Who was it?
- Bob.
314
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,489
Madame Lazora,
I'm really not ready for Bob.
315
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:13,950
Don't worry. I'll be here with you.
316
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,911
There's just one more piece
of information you need
317
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:18,663
to fully understand
your mission here.
318
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,665
Look, Madame Lazora,
you don't understand.
319
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:23,167
I have a terrible confession to make.
320
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,087
Back in the bar,
321
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,173
Princess Katya didn't
really enter my body.
322
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:33,177
I was just faking it so that
I wouldn't disappoint you.
323
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,346
I don't have any psychic powers.
324
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:38,015
I'm just an awful person.
I hope you don't hate me.
325
00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:40,601
Oh, Carla, I'm so proud of you
326
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:42,603
for having the courage
to be honest with me.
327
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,397
Oddly enough,
328
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,732
this relates to the information
I was about to give you.
329
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,194
- What's that?
- I'm a complete fraud.
330
00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:54,699
Now, we just have time
to work on your spooky voice.
331
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,951
- What?
- Your spooky voice.
332
00:17:57,118 --> 00:18:02,039
You have to learn to speak lower.
Talk more from the diaphragm.
333
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,292
You're a fraud?
334
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,295
All these years
you've been leading me on?
335
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:08,879
Hi.
336
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:11,966
Oh, hello, Bob.
337
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:14,885
I want you to meet
your new spiritual advisor,
338
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:16,929
Madame Carla.
339
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,514
Hello, Madame Carla.
340
00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:19,849
Hello, Bob.
341
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,936
Madame Carla...
342
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:27,064
...study Bob's aura.
343
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,444
Tell me, what do you see?
344
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,405
Can you see something?
345
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:36,282
Yeah, I can see something.
346
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:40,244
I can see that you're
a sucker, a big dope.
347
00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:43,581
For 20 years, you have been
forking over your hard-earned cash
348
00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,625
to a sleazy con artist.
349
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:47,752
You have been taken in
by the cheapest,
350
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:51,380
most obvious scam in the world
just because you wanted to believe it.
351
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,842
I see that you should wise up, chump.
352
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,889
That will be $50, please.
353
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,319
I wonder what's wrong with Carla.
354
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,071
We all know what's wrong with Carla
355
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:17,031
but I'm the only one
with enough courage to say it.
356
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:18,324
Not enough bran.
357
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:23,954
Hi, everybody.
358
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,790
Hey, Woody, how did it go?
359
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:27,833
It was a great performance, Sam.
360
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:31,420
I actually got a chance
to talk to that critic afterward,
361
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:35,049
and he said that I was much improved.
362
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,010
Well, I can't wait to go
see you next week.
363
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,180
Ah, well, no, actually,
I'm not in it anymore, Sam.
364
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:42,431
What happened?
365
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:45,851
Well, the other actors read
my notebook and got upset.
366
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:49,397
Well, Woody, people can be very sensitive.
367
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,107
Well, I think they're being
a little oversensitive.
368
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,526
I mean, come on, Dr. Crane,
if you read my notebook
369
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,528
that you were a snobby,
know-it-all windbag,
370
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,823
- would you be upset?
- Yes, I probably would.
371
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:13,045
I guess someone ought
to go talk to Carla, huh?
372
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:16,132
Allow me.
373
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,061
Carla, would you like
to talk about it?
374
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,438
No.
375
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,314
Well, then would you
like me to show you
376
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:34,150
the correct fingering
for "Greensleeves"?
377
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:37,528
She's a fake.
378
00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,822
Madame Lazora is a fraud.
379
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:42,366
All these years
she's been nothing but a fake.
380
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,202
I am sorry, Carla.
381
00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:47,788
I don't suppose this is
an appropriate moment
382
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:49,373
to say "I told you so"?
383
00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:51,959
No, this is the perfect moment to say it.
384
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:53,377
I told you so.
385
00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:56,046
I can't believe it.
386
00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:58,799
Well, I can, but then again,
I did tell you so.
387
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,635
All right! Just give me
a minute to wallow.
388
00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:02,762
I'm sorry.
389
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:07,933
If she's a fake,
then everything's a fake.
390
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:11,395
Everything I ever
believed in is wrong.
391
00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:14,732
I guess that's it.
392
00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:17,568
I got nothing left. Game over.
393
00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:22,615
Carla, Madame Lazora
is just one individual.
394
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,619
Don't give her the power
to destroy your entire belief system.
395
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:32,541
You know, the mystic world
that's given you so much comfort
396
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:34,376
may very well exist.
397
00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:37,588
- You don't really believe that.
- Well, of course I do.
398
00:21:37,755 --> 00:21:41,050
Although, if it doesn't,
I'm logging in right now
399
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:42,593
to say "I told you so."
400
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:47,765
The truth is, no one knows.
401
00:21:47,932 --> 00:21:49,141
What's your point?
402
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:52,603
That you should profit
from this experience.
403
00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:56,065
You've graduated
from Madame Lazora.
404
00:21:56,232 --> 00:22:00,027
You've become a stronger Carla,
a smarter Carla, one who's learned.
405
00:22:00,194 --> 00:22:02,029
You want to know what I've learned?
406
00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:05,032
I've learned that a woman
with a funny voice
407
00:22:05,199 --> 00:22:09,245
and some fancy scarves
can charge any stupid idiot 50 bucks
408
00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:10,955
just to tell him
what he wants to know.
409
00:22:13,624 --> 00:22:14,625
Hey.
410
00:22:15,376 --> 00:22:16,460
What is it, Carla?
411
00:22:17,628 --> 00:22:18,963
I got a scarf.
412
00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:23,968
I can do a spooky voice.
413
00:22:24,635 --> 00:22:26,011
Now, Carla...
414
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:29,014
Gather round, everybody,
415
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:32,643
and I will tell you
of the future for 50 bucks.
416
00:22:32,810 --> 00:22:34,228
Carla, no!
417
00:22:34,395 --> 00:22:35,271
You're right.
418
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:36,856
60 bucks.
419
00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:39,650
Gather round. Gather round.
420
00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:40,985
Thanks, Frase.
421
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:44,989
Well...
422
00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:47,992
I guess my work here is done.