1
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,296
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:22,940
Got no diamonds
got no pearls
3
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:25,150
Still I think
I'm a lucky girl
4
00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:26,610
I got the sun in the morning
5
00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:28,153
And the moon at night
6
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,114
Da da da da da da
da da da da da da
7
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,909
Got no mansions
got no yacht
8
00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,036
Still I'm happy
with what I got
9
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:37,454
I got the sun in the morning
10
00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:38,997
And the moon at night
11
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,961
Sunshine
12
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:47,589
Gives me a lovely day
13
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:49,716
Moonlight
14
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Gives me a milky way
15
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Got no checkbooks
got no blanks
16
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Still I'd like to
express my thanks
17
00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,601
I got the sun in the morning
18
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And the moon at night
19
00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,190
I'm with the sun in the morning
20
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:06,441
And the moon in the evening
21
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,068
I'm...
22
00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:12,698
Good morning, Carla.
23
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,449
What's so good
about it?
24
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,111
Oh, hey, Woody,
here's my video camera.
25
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,157
Wow.
26
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:38,950
Looks kind of complicated.
27
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:43,121
That's just the case Woody.
28
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,083
Uh oh!
29
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:49,127
No Woody, it's not as complicated
as it looks. Have a look.
30
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:51,463
- I'll talk you through it.
- Uh oh.
31
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,007
What are you doing Woods?
32
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,677
Oh well, I want Kelly
to meet my parents
33
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and I can't afford to
fly her out there,
34
00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:01,348
so I figure what better way
to introduce her to my parents in person
35
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,641
than on tape?
36
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,061
Don't forget Woody to set
your white balance.
37
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,479
What's that?
38
00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:09,231
Wee, the tape
might be a little tinted,
39
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:10,524
so you got to
balance it out
40
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,110
by pointing the lens
at a flat white surface.
41
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,737
Hey, Lilith, we were
just talking about you.
42
00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:20,659
Carla,
I'm long past caring
43
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,786
what anyone in this bar
has to say about me.
44
00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:26,790
What did they say?
45
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,420
I'm the one who is going to be
all bloated.
46
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:33,004
I'm the one who's going to gain
all the weight
47
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:34,840
and be up all night while
eating ice cream and pickles
48
00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:37,592
and I'm going to be the one
who's vomiting all morning.
49
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:39,594
Try doing that with Vera
standing over you saying,
50
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,638
"You got to clean up your act, Mister."
51
00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:44,349
Can you believe this?
52
00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:46,226
I'm not even pregnant,
53
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:49,896
yet, he's insisting that the child
have his last name.
54
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,190
Just give me one good reason
why his me can be Howe.
55
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,901
How about this?
Howe's a stupid name.
56
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,319
Excuse me?
57
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:59,823
Come on, it's not even a name.
It's more of a question.
58
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:03,660
Rebecca Howe, Rebecca why,
Rebecca who and when.
59
00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:06,580
You know I can make fun
of your name, too.
60
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:07,748
Oh yeah?
61
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,416
Malone!
62
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,544
Malone!
63
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,213
All right.
I'm not very good at it yet.
64
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,424
Oh, really?
Howe surprising.
65
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:18,383
Howe remarkable.
66
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,302
Knock it off.
67
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:22,304
Come on,
when you were a kid, admit it,
68
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,222
didn't people
make fun of your name?
69
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,684
Yes, but that was in the context
of making fun of many other things.
70
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,561
And what makes your name
so special?
71
00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:30,854
I'll tell you why,
72
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:35,025
because Malone is a very proud,
old Irish name.
73
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:38,445
When my great-grandfather
came from County Cork to this city,
74
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,739
they actually had signs
in some of the windows that said,
75
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:43,033
"No Irish need apply."
76
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,368
His friends told him to change
his name to Smith or something,
77
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,620
but he wouldn't do it.
78
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,371
He was proud
of his name.
79
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:49,706
And when we have a kid,
80
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:54,377
I want him to be proud
of his name, too. There.
81
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,254
Is that reason enough
for you?
82
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,255
No.
83
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:01,802
Sam, you wouldn't
have these problems
84
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,887
if you just made an honest woman
out of Miss Howe.
85
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:06,431
What are you
talking about, Woody?
86
00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:09,226
Well, back in Hanover,
we have this little tradition.
87
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:10,977
It's called marriage.
88
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,729
It's to avoid another little tradition
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00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,981
called hellfire.
90
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,107
Woody, come on, man.
91
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,109
This is the nineties.
92
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:21,738
You know, plenty of people have
babies without being married.
93
00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:24,407
Oh what, you got a problem
with that?
94
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,368
Well, if you want the truth,
95
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,370
I do think
it's a little irresponsible.
96
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:31,540
And remember,
this is coming from Norm Peterson.
97
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,416
I can't believe this.
98
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,001
You guys feel the same way?
99
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,002
I kinda do.
100
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,295
Me, too.
101
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:40,507
Move to California,
you freaks.
102
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,719
Guys, guys, come on.
103
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,513
I mean, look at me.
I'm not getting any younger
104
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,014
and neither is--
105
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,767
Well, it's true. Look how many years
we've been wasting
106
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,435
looking for the perfect
relationship.
107
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:53,812
And what did it get us?
Nothing.
108
00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:57,190
At least you and I are friends
and care for each other
109
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,109
and right about now
that's looking good.
110
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:03,321
And based on that, we want to
hang out together and have a family.
111
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:06,157
Sam, if you feel that way, why don't you
just go head and get married?
112
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:08,118
That's an awful
big step, Woody.
113
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:09,786
I don't want to...
114
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:12,414
Sammy, if you want my two cents,
115
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,791
I think that you and Rebecca
having a kid together
116
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,334
is very immoral.
117
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,838
Now, you and me having a kid
out of wedlock,
118
00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:21,631
that'd be a blast.
119
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:27,095
People, people, we cannot impose
our own moral belief systems
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00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,179
on these two.
121
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:29,222
Yes, thank you
very much.
122
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,807
The real question is,
123
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:33,059
will they make
responsible parents?
124
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That's right.
125
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:37,022
The answer is
an emphatic "no."
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00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:38,690
Hey!
127
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:41,443
Sam, up until now, you and Rebecca
have not taken into account
128
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:45,322
the years of sacrifice involved
in the raising of a child.
129
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:46,740
You have not reckoned
with the fact that
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00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,784
as soon as you have one,
your lives will be irrevocably altered.
131
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:52,954
An infant demands constant attention.
24 hours a day.
132
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,539
Seven days a week.
133
00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:57,334
It never says "please" or 'may I?"
It just demands.
134
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:58,752
Let me have a scotch.
135
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,588
And say goodbye
to vacations.
136
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,007
Say goodbye
to ski weekends.
137
00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:06,134
Because your life is baby,
baby, baby.
138
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,386
Can I get a drink,
please?
139
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:11,097
You know something?
I'm really hurt.
140
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,557
I got to admit, that
141
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,726
you guys don't have
enough faith in me
142
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,187
to see that I'm really serious
about this thing.
143
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,898
Anyways, the whole point is
Rebecca and I believe in what
144
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,483
we're doing, am I right?
145
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,860
Can we still
get out of it, Sam?
146
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,487
Well? Come here.
147
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,489
Look those guys have
some good points.
148
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:29,449
I mean, how do we know
we're going to be good parents?
149
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,076
How does anybody know?
150
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:33,787
Maybe a little practice would
help ease your nerves.
151
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,498
Would the two of you would like
to take care of Frederick for an evening?
152
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:39,459
It may provide you with some
confidence in your parenting skills
153
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,961
as well as give us a break
154
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,129
from that 16-year-old
bundle of breasts
155
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,049
Frasier insists is God's gift
to babysitting.
156
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:52,430
Would that
make you feel better?
157
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,474
Yeah, I think it's a good idea.
158
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:55,976
I think it's good.
When can we do that?
159
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,852
Well, let me see.
160
00:07:58,019 --> 00:08:00,105
Tonight...
161
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:03,858
Well, Frederick has his story hour
at the library tonight.
162
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:06,486
Tomorrow is our
Mommy and Me class.
163
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,572
Friday is Aqua-Tots.
164
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,449
Let me look at next month.
165
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,284
Sam, don't worry about it.
166
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,787
All we have to do is find somebody else
and take care of their kids.
167
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,789
Nobody else in this bar
has any kids.
168
00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:18,873
Carla does.
169
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:19,874
No!
170
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,627
Forget it! No!
171
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:25,422
Sam, wait, no, look
I am not going to have a baby
172
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,132
until I know that I will be
a good parent.
173
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,467
Taking care of Carla's kids
is not going to prove
174
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:30,552
that you're a good parent.
175
00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:33,555
It just proves that you
can survive in the wild.
176
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:35,765
Carla, Sam and I want to
take care of your kids.
177
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,934
- Is that okay with you?
- All of them?
178
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,145
- For how long?
- The whole night.
179
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:41,855
And I don't have
to be there?
180
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,189
No.
181
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,858
Oh, bless you!
182
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,735
Come on.
No, no, stop.
183
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,111
Listen, stop it.
come on.
184
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,533
We'll be there at 7:00.
185
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,493
Come on, honey.
It's not too late.
186
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,620
Maybe Freddy
can squeeze us in.
187
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,250
A whole night
without my kids.
188
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:09,632
Thank you Saint Jude,
patron saint of lost causes.
189
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:14,554
I have prayed for this day
for 18 years.
190
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:17,849
First, you freed me
from Diane,
191
00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:19,476
and now this.
192
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:23,146
I am blessed.
I am truly blessed.
193
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:26,066
Hey, Carla, did you realize
that you're the same height
194
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,319
kneeling down
as you are standing up?
195
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,535
Hi, Mom and Dad.
196
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:40,538
I want you to meet Kelly,
my girlfriend.
197
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:41,956
She's holding
the camera.
198
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,919
She's a beautiful girl.
199
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,295
Blonde hair...
200
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,297
Great smile...
201
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:52,258
Sparkling personality.
202
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,802
I wish
you could see her.
203
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:59,808
Kelly, say hi to my parents.
Now!
204
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,021
Hi.
205
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,189
Now!
206
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,985
Well,
what do you think?
207
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,445
Pretty special, huh?
208
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,533
Kelly, say goodbye to my parents.
Now!
209
00:10:19,911 --> 00:10:21,704
Bye.
210
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,332
That was great.
211
00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:25,959
Let's turn this baby on
212
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,544
and shoot it
before we get stale.
213
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:31,631
Excuse me, Wood.
214
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:35,218
Don't you think your parents would
like a shot with the two of you in it?
215
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:39,764
Why don't we sit down and chat about it?
I got a few ideas cooking in here.
216
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,850
You know,
a little percolating.
217
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:46,521
You know, maybe a nice two shot
218
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:47,939
and widen out to a master
219
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:50,775
with a little background
lighting for a nice halo effect.
220
00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:53,778
Wow, Mr. Clavin.
You're a real expert.
221
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:56,406
Well, I'm a bit of a film buff,
Woody.
222
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,324
I admire the works of all the
greats, you know--
223
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,161
Kurosawa, Fellini, Hitch.
224
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:02,871
That's Hitchcock, Woody.
225
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,290
Here's an idea.
226
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:07,709
What do you say,
we have Woody start this thing off.
227
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:10,753
I mean, he is an actor. He can just
warm the whole thing up. Right, Wood?
228
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:11,838
Okay.
229
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:12,964
Ready.
230
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:15,175
And... action!
231
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:18,761
Hi, Mom and Dad.
232
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,680
Oh, Woody, I thought
you were an actor.
233
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:23,683
Let's try this again, okay.
234
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,519
Remember, you haven't seen your
parents for years.
235
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,521
You hunger for their love and
affection.
236
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,858
You want them to know
just how badly you miss them.
237
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:35,361
You left Indiana all of those
many years ago to come to the big city.
238
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,614
You're practically
a stranger, pal.
239
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:42,702
Action.
240
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:46,873
I love you,
Mom and Dad.
241
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,085
I know I should have
stayed on the farm.
242
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,713
I don't know why I left.
243
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,632
I guess I was just selfish.
244
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,092
Everybody always
leaves the farm.
245
00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:00,845
That's why America's
in the condition it is.
246
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,098
I'm sorry.
247
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:07,060
Can you ever forgive me?
248
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,729
Please don't die
before I come home again.
249
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,860
Aw, Woody,
that was wonderful.
250
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:19,781
What do you say
we turn this thing on and shoot this baby?
251
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,041
Hey. Carla's still
rounding up the kids.
252
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:32,168
We could run for it.
253
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,087
Sam, now don't worry.
254
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,130
Carla's always exaggerating
about her kids.
255
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:37,507
We'll be just fine.
256
00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:40,301
Okay. The kids will be out
in a minute. Just sign this.
257
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:41,970
What is it?
258
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:45,515
It's your standard release form.
The insurance company requires it.
259
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:49,811
Sign there and initial the spots.
260
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,814
Okay, kids.
Come on in!
261
00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:03,658
Oh, aren't they adorable?
Look, they are all lined up.
262
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:06,452
I bet it's not the first time
either.
263
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:09,622
Look at you.
You look so cute.
264
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,666
It's like
The Sound of Music.
265
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:14,002
Oh, I wish I had a whistle.
266
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:15,586
Here, Miss Howe.
267
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,422
Oh, thank you.
268
00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,382
I always wanted
to do this.
269
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,384
Okay, now...
270
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:24,220
When I blow the whistle,
you say your name.
271
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,183
Serafina,
272
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,477
and I'm spending the night
with my boyfriend.
273
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,951
Isn't it more fun having
this time with your family,
274
00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,037
than going on some silly old
date?
275
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:50,455
You better let me go.
276
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:53,791
My boyfriend's
a retired cop.
277
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:57,170
Oh, no, you'd want to stay.
You'll miss the games.
278
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,130
I'm missing them now.
279
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:01,549
All right.
Everybody fed?
280
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,593
Yes, Mr. Malone.
281
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:07,388
Fine. Now, may I please
have my pants back?
282
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,140
Check the oven.
283
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,149
What's the matter, Lud?
284
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:20,234
I can't find Mr. Tibbington.
285
00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:24,906
Oh, honey, don't cry. Who is
Mr. Tibbington, is that your kitty cat?
286
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:28,993
No, he's my eight-foot
boa constrictor.
287
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,914
Well, we'll certainly keep
our eyes out for him.
288
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:37,668
Wait, wait.
Hold on a second.
289
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,337
There's only seven of us.
Where's Anthony?
290
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:41,339
- He's out doing something.
- What's he's doing?
291
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:42,632
Time.
292
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,761
Wait, stop eating for a minute,
stop eating.
293
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:49,514
Here we are
at the head of the table
294
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,140
just like real parents.
295
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,934
I think we should say a grace.
296
00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:59,982
Now, I know we're not
the real parents, but...
297
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:03,736
Sam, don't play footsy with me
when I'm saying grace.
298
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,197
I'm not playing footsy.
299
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,200
Oh, it's Mr. Tibbington--
300
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,369
Aahhh!
301
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:20,086
You know, now that Sam's busy
with this baby thing,
302
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:23,423
you guys are either going to have to
live vicariously through somebody else
303
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,550
or get your own lives.
304
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:29,762
She's right, you know.
305
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,390
Wood... Thank you.
306
00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:36,144
Listen, when you and Kelly
go out on a date,
307
00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:38,729
what do you guys do, huh?
308
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:45,820
Well. Last night we played
three games of miniature golf
309
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:49,824
and stopped for ice cream
at the Freeze 'n' Frost.
310
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,576
A little miniature golf there, huh?
311
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,536
Little ice cream action, huh?
312
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:56,956
Yeah.
313
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,374
Hey Woody.
314
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,126
He's an ice cream eating,
315
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,753
miniature golfing guy.
316
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,007
Look at us trying to sponge off
other people's lives.
317
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:07,300
We're pathetic.
318
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,511
Hey, Phil.
319
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:11,804
New pants there, huh?
320
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,848
Yep.
321
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,559
That Phil.
322
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:18,644
He's a pants-wearing guy.
323
00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:24,150
So Carla, how do you intend to
spend your night of freedom?
324
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,818
Nothing special.
325
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,905
I'm gonna check into
the Ritz for a night of R&R.
326
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,741
- Sounds nice.
- Yeah, I think so.
327
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:34,869
I know Roy and Ralph are
looking forward to it.
328
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:38,581
Oh, remember the Ritz Carlton,
darling?
329
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:40,958
A night of unbridled passion
330
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:44,670
that remains
unmatched to this day.
331
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,923
We've never been
to the Ritz Carlton, Frasier.
332
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,260
Did I say the Ritz Carlton?
333
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,179
I meant the Four Seasons.
334
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:54,722
Strike two.
335
00:16:58,059 --> 00:17:01,646
So, did you get a load
of Phil's new pants?
336
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,484
You know, an older fellow like that,
337
00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:08,861
you wouldn't think he would
be able to get away with
338
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,279
still looking good in a pair of slacks,
339
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,240
but, darn if he doesn't pull it off.
340
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,077
Lilith, please blink.
341
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:26,087
Okay, I hope you all enjoyed the
dinner as much as the wall did,
342
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:28,005
and I also want you
to know that
343
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:30,091
Rebecca really enjoyed
the dead-rat-in-the-bun-joke.
344
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,676
That was very funny.
345
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,640
Come on, honey.
Pull yourself together.
346
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,725
You're going to
frighten the kids.
347
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,644
I don't think I can take
any more.
348
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,271
Come on. Of course you can.
349
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,398
You can't quit now.
We've only--
350
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,817
Okay,
who took my watch?
351
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,698
You see that?
This is not a home.
352
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:54,907
This is a house of horrors.
353
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,284
No.
354
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:59,787
I mean, my God. They Krazy-glued
the dryer door shut.
355
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:02,290
I know, but we got you out,
didn't we?
356
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,750
But I'm still dizzy.
357
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,795
I'm going to leave.
358
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,589
No, no. Come on. We can't quit.
359
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,507
What are you going to do when
we have kids of our own
360
00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:13,426
Are you going to quit
when the going gets tough?
361
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:14,594
I don't know.
362
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,221
No.
Honey, listen.
363
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:18,806
We are almost up
to bath time,
364
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:20,975
then we'll be home free, okay?
365
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:22,101
Okay
366
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:23,561
All right. Now, who's first?
367
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:26,314
I'm ready for my bath,
Miss Howe,
368
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,317
and I'm a dirty, dirty boy.
369
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:30,693
Would you turn around?
370
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,153
Come on, go on!
371
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:40,244
Okay kids, now let's just get
a shot of you in front of the whole bar.
372
00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:41,412
All right?
373
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,665
Yeah. Okay.
374
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,375
Cliff, should I take off?
375
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,711
No, no. You just stay
right where you are, Norm.
376
00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:49,962
You're what we call,
atmosphere.
377
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,922
What's that?
378
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,342
Atmosphere-- That's, you know,
the people in the background
379
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:55,885
sitting around,
drinking your beer,
380
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:58,179
- you know, it looks like you belong there.
- All right!
381
00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:00,806
Hey, everybody,
I'm atmosphere!
382
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,017
Hey Cliff, can I be
atmosphere, too?
383
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:06,687
Paulie, Paulie, Paulie.
Personally, I love you, Paul,
384
00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:08,689
but the camera doesn't.
385
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:09,774
Scoot.
386
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:19,200
All right now, everybody,
57th take is a charm.
387
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,452
All right? Now...
388
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,913
The Message Home.
Scene one.
389
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:25,790
Action.
390
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:27,124
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Boyd--
391
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:28,417
Cut!
392
00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:31,170
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, come here.
393
00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:36,133
What I'm looking for
is the energy of take 36
394
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,177
and the innocence of take 11.
395
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,887
You think you can do that
for me?
396
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:42,473
I'm awfully tired, Mr. Clavin.
397
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:43,808
Attagirl.
398
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,478
Okay.
399
00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:50,147
Scene one,
take 58...
400
00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:51,607
Action.
401
00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:54,819
- Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Boyd--
- Cut!
402
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,697
Kelly, you mind explaining to me
403
00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,532
just what you think you're doing here?
404
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:03,452
Cliffy, lighten up, guy.
405
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,246
You're just getting
a little serious about this.
406
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:06,914
Who told the atmosphere
to talk?
407
00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,042
You're out of here.
408
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,461
Paulie, your ship just came in.
come on there buddy!
409
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:16,674
Hey, Mr. Clavin, I don't think
I want to make this tape.
410
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:17,925
Me, neither.
411
00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:20,094
All right, fine!
Both of you get out of here!
412
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:22,096
Everybody get out!
I can do the whole project myself.
413
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,264
- Cliff, please!
- What?
414
00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,641
You'll never get what you want
by badgering these kids.
415
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:28,227
You've got to make them feel safe.
After all, it's just a videotape.
416
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,311
Now, listen.
417
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:31,564
Why don't you pull up
a chair here.
418
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:32,857
Try to calm yourself down.
419
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,066
- Have a beer.
- All right.
420
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:37,570
We'll see if we can
get this thing done, okay?
421
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:38,863
All right, all right.
422
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:41,198
Kelly, Woody.
423
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,701
Now, Kelly...
424
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:46,537
Just do whatever
comes naturally to you.
425
00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:48,330
Relax...
426
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:50,332
Be yourself...
427
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:51,208
No pressure.
428
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:53,335
And...
429
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:56,630
Simply say hello...
430
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:57,840
...to Woody's parents.
431
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:01,469
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Boyd.
432
00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,095
I'm Kelly Gaines.
433
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:06,974
Kelly, you...
434
00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:09,059
You just don't
have a clue, do you?
435
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,063
That's a wrap.
436
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:23,115
I'll tell you one thing. If anybody
thinks parenthood is easy,
437
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,367
should try giving baths
to those monsters.
438
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:28,621
- I learned a lot.
- Yeah.
439
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,749
Yeah. I learned I could hold my breath
for over a minute.
440
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:38,130
Although I can't quite remember
my telephone number.
441
00:21:40,174 --> 00:21:42,051
You know something?
442
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:46,222
Carla's kids
aren't that bad.
443
00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:47,473
No, they're really not.
444
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,266
They're sorta rambunctious
and high-spirited,
445
00:21:49,433 --> 00:21:53,062
but... all in all,
I think they mean well.
446
00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:56,357
You know, I was
pretty much a scamp
447
00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:58,734
When I was a kid, too.
448
00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:04,824
I used to empty out
the salt shakers and put in sugar.
449
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:08,994
Boy, what a prank.
450
00:22:11,914 --> 00:22:13,374
Well, Sam...
451
00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:15,000
We did it.
452
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:17,837
Hey, that's right.
We passed your test, didn't we?
453
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:19,672
We took care
of Carla's kids.
454
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:21,674
If we could do that,
we could do anything.
455
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:23,801
You know something?
456
00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:25,594
We're gonna be just fine.
457
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,138
Be afraid.
Be very afraid.
458
00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:31,517
Is that a prowler
or just the kids?
459
00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,561
Oh, I hope
it's a prowler.