1 00:00:01,627 --> 00:00:04,296 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:10,677 Cheers. 3 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,514 Hang on a second. I'll check. 4 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,519 Yeah, the refrigerator's running. 5 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,103 Thank you for asking. 6 00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,817 What? 7 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:28,237 How could it possibly get away? 8 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:34,243 No. A refrigerator doesn't have the power of movement. 9 00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:37,996 Well, yeah, sure I get it, but, see-- 10 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:40,123 "Running," the way you're using it, 11 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,959 can only mean "working." 12 00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,877 See, it's what we call a homonym. 13 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,549 I'm sorry, too. 14 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:52,719 Boy, Mr. Peterson, some people... 15 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,807 Well, you tried to explain the joke. 16 00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,559 That's the problem. 17 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:15,594 Hey, Dr. Crane, after you're done with that paper, 18 00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:17,012 can I have it? 19 00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:18,513 Actually, I planned on saving it, Woody. 20 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,015 See, there's an article here 21 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,767 on the ins and outs on buying diamonds, 22 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,477 and I was thinking of buying Lilith a brooch. 23 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,897 Oh, okay. See, I was wanting to clip the coupons 24 00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,398 'cause I'm trying to make it to my next paycheck. 25 00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,525 But I don't want to cut up your article 26 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:33,654 on jewels and diamonds. 27 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,155 Here's the paper, Woody. 28 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,407 You know, Lilith and I are actually 29 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,451 making some economic concessions as well. 30 00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,204 For instance, I decided not to buy that new BMW. 31 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,373 - Really? - That's right. 32 00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,041 So what are the coupons for? 33 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,918 Food. 34 00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,545 You know what? 35 00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:52,506 I'm going to stop talking now. 36 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,426 Top of the morning to ye. 37 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:00,430 So, how do you like my outfit there, Norm? 38 00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,432 Cliff, you're my friend. 39 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,142 I haven't judged you in the past 40 00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,353 and I'm not gonna start now. 41 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,647 Hey, listen up, everybody. 42 00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:10,065 I got an announcement to make here. 43 00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:12,943 Yours truly has been selected by the USPS 44 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,529 for a reenactment of the first mail delivery 45 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,489 down the venerable Boston Post Road. 46 00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:20,742 Yeah, I'm gonna be riding a horse on the last leg 47 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:22,411 from Hingham to the Central PO. 48 00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,788 Heh heh. That's why I'm dressed this way. 49 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,498 What way? 50 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:31,211 You know, this crazy-looking outfit. 51 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:34,256 Boy, are you splitting hairs today. 52 00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,967 Cliff ie, look, you can't ride a horse. You're afraid of horses. 53 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:38,593 How do you know? 54 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,429 I know you're afraid of that little carousel 55 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,639 in front of the market. 56 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,350 That was a safety concern, Norm. 57 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:46,685 Is that why you were screaming, 58 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:49,271 "Stop! Stop! We're all gonna die"? 59 00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,440 I was concerned about the kids, Norm. 60 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,400 Is that so wrong? 61 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,194 Boy, Cliff, I am so jealous. 62 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,447 I used to love horses. 63 00:03:58,613 --> 00:03:59,990 You know, when I was a little girl, 64 00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:02,784 every weekend I would ride my pony. 65 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,162 And I would feed my pony sugar cubes 66 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,664 and little bits of chocolate and Snickers. 67 00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,124 They really like that. 68 00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:12,085 And sometimes I would give my pony some Snickers, 69 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,588 and then I would eat some Snickers. 70 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,716 And then other times I would eat all the sugar cubes 71 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:20,135 and the chocolate and the Snickers 72 00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:23,096 before I ever got to the stable. 73 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,098 And then one time my riding instructor told me 74 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,809 I couldn't ride my pony anymore. 75 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,437 Why, Miss Howe? 76 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:35,108 Well, he said that I had... outgrown it. 77 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,737 I don't want to talk about this anymore. 78 00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:40,989 Well, I hope you'll all tune in tonight. 79 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:43,617 The local news is going to show 80 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,827 my triumphant ride to the post office. 81 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,120 Yeah, heh heh. 82 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,663 It's a big moment for me. 83 00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,875 Ah, it's the high point of my career, you know? 84 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,628 It's the high point of my entire life. 85 00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:58,507 Hey, why is Cliff ie dressed like that? 86 00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,842 I forget. 87 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,888 Saa-am. 88 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,515 What are you doing down here, Hill? 89 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:09,768 Hair Club For Men meeting? 90 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:13,063 Oh, I didn't see you down there, Miss Tortelli, 91 00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:15,148 although, frankly, you do... 92 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,901 ...announce your presence. 93 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,153 So, have you decided what color 94 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,906 you're going to dye your head for Easter? 95 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:27,536 Why don't you just scuttle under the office door and get Sam? 96 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,955 Sam! Hill's here! 97 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,374 Don't tell me. 98 00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,000 Pizza for lunch? 99 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,046 Hi, John. What's up? 100 00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:40,507 Saa-am, we have a problem. 101 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,008 I gotta be honest with you, John. 102 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,135 The way you pronounce my name really bugs me. 103 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:45,804 How would you like me to pronounce it? 104 00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,764 Sam. Just Sam. 105 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:48,932 You try it. 106 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,309 Saa-am. 107 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,061 All right, John, 108 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:57,232 what would you say if you were gonna order a ham sandwich? 109 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,818 I don't eat haa-am. 110 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:03,071 Never mind. What do you want? 111 00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:06,658 My busboy informs me that the Dumpsters are full. 112 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,369 Our Dumpsters are full. What's the big problem? 113 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,580 Aha. They are not our Dumpsters. 114 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,707 They are my Dumpsters. 115 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,584 If that's confusing, perhaps 116 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,378 I'll have a likeness of your face painted on the Dumpster 117 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,797 with a bold line drawn through it. 118 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,008 In fact, I'll do that anyway... 119 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,552 Just for a giggle. 120 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,929 Perhaps I'll have buttons made up. 121 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,265 I'll make it a whole thing. 122 00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:33,268 Hey, Hill, you can't order us around like that. 123 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,645 Sammy can do anything he wants with his trash. 124 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:38,773 Yes. I see today he's dressed it up in an apron. 125 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:43,528 I guess you know all about dressing up, huh, Hill? 126 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:48,617 Saa-am, if any more of your refuse 127 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,243 is deposited in my Dumpsters, 128 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,162 I'll have them emptied in the center of this bar, 129 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,622 and if it happens again, 130 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,458 I'll do something your customers will notice. 131 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,047 Can you believe that guy? 132 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:05,008 Him and his niggly little nit-picking details. 133 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:07,677 I mean, who cares if I stick stuff in his Dumpster? 134 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:10,055 Actually, Sammy, Dumpsters are kind of expensive 135 00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:12,140 to maintain and empty. 136 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:14,643 He's been kind of generous to let you use them for so long. 137 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,187 After all, the guy's running a business. 138 00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:20,273 Good point, Norm. Good point. 139 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,650 Speaking of business, 140 00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:24,986 what do you think we ought to do about... 141 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,155 ...your bar tab here? 142 00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:31,284 We could throw it in our Dumpsters. 143 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,379 Hey, Miss Howe, Mr. Hill put a lock on the Dumpster. 144 00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:43,964 What should I do with this? 145 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,465 Just set it down someplace. 146 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,759 All right. 147 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,139 Cliff ie, you want to pass me the sports page, please? 148 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,685 Mr. Peterson, that's just a bag of garbage you're talking to. 149 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:59,354 Come here, Woody. 150 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,314 Maybe if we all cut Cliff a little bit of slack, 151 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:04,693 he wouldn't be such a "bag of garbage," as you put it. Okay? 152 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,322 Can you believe that guy? 153 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,866 He stuck a padlock on our Dumpsters. 154 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,868 You know, just once, just once 155 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:16,246 I would like to do something to really stick it to him. 156 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,331 Sammy, forget about it. 157 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,749 You'll never beat that guy. 158 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,669 You're right. Who am I kidding? 159 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,547 I'm no match for that guy. He's too evil. 160 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,551 What am I thinking? 161 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,261 All this time, there's somebody in this bar 162 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:34,389 who's so mean, so nasty, so full of hate 163 00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:37,225 that they could take on Hill in one second. 164 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:40,020 Boy, I don't know, Sam. I'm kind of busy right now. 165 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,815 What about Carla? She can be pretty mean. 166 00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:46,526 That's a good idea, Woody. Good idea. 167 00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,194 Carla, come here. I got a job for you. 168 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,113 Yeah, what do you want me to do? 169 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,573 I want you to get even for me. 170 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,366 I want you to take all your meanness, 171 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,035 all your nastiness, 172 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:58,663 and unleash it on that knobby-headed weasel 173 00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,832 John Allen Hill. 174 00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:04,044 You want I should make him cry? 175 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,714 That's perfect. 176 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,008 Yeah, make the little man cry. 177 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,303 Consider it done. 178 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,388 Yeah, right, now how are you gonna make him cry? 179 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,308 You don't think I can make somebody cry? 180 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,226 No, actually, I don't. 181 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,858 Maybe you're right. 182 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,362 Say, Rebecca... 183 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,240 When you were a little girl, 184 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,326 why did you stop riding that pony? 185 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:41,664 Was it because you got too fat? 186 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:44,876 Just too damn fat? 187 00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:49,464 So damn fat, you broke the back of a horse? 188 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:55,053 What's the matter, Becs? Your eyes seem a little shiny. 189 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:58,223 It's just an allergy or something. 190 00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:01,976 If anybody needs me, I'll be in my office. 191 00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,654 You know, I really like Cheetos, but... 192 00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,447 Orange fingers? 193 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,407 Yeah. 194 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,826 I hate that, too. 195 00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,745 At home I use a great big spoon. 196 00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:22,247 I'll try that. 197 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,418 What's this? 198 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:30,588 That's a flyer that Mr. Clavin wanted me to pass around to the customers. 199 00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,674 Why didn't you? 200 00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:35,552 Because it's a flyer that Mr. Clavin wanted me to pass around 201 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:39,055 to the customers. We've had trouble in that area before. 202 00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:40,473 "Tune in tonight 203 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,225 to catch letter carrier Cliff Clavin 204 00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:44,269 recreate the historic first mail delivery 205 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,312 on the Boston Post Road. 206 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:49,691 This is a proud moment for Cliff Clavin and every American." 207 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:52,443 Hey, it's right now. Let's tune in. 208 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,445 Oh, this is a great Barnaby Jones though. 209 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,656 It's the one where he goes undercover as a swinger 210 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,741 to solve a jewel heist. 211 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,077 Okay. Oh, we'll flip back and forth. 212 00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:04,205 The crowd here at the Central Post Office 213 00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:06,875 is waiting for letter carrier Clifford Clavin, 214 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:10,211 who we understand is an award-winning equestrian. 215 00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,882 Mr. Clavin seems to be running late 216 00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:16,885 and his whereabouts are currently unknown. 217 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,386 In other news, Governor... 218 00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:21,973 - I hope everything's okay with Cliff ie. - So, Barnaby's a swinger? 219 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,725 Wait till you see him. He wears hip-huggers, 220 00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,935 gold chains, platform shoes. 221 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,734 Cheers. 222 00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,360 Oh, yeah, hang on just a second. 223 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,738 Hey, Mr. Peterson, it's Mr. Clavin. 224 00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:40,700 Cliff ie, where are you? 225 00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:43,077 I don't know, Norm. Somewhere in the combat zone. 226 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,371 Naked, naked, naked! 227 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,290 Hey, Norm, you gotta come and get me. 228 00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:48,958 This horse has got a mind of its own. 229 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,376 Whoa! 230 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,131 It's amazing. 231 00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:56,674 Cliff ie's in trouble. 232 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,718 I better go look for him. 233 00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:02,055 Shoot. They never rerun this episode. 234 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,266 I don't think I've seen the ending of this one. 235 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,393 The jewels are in the dog's collar. 236 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,437 Oh. Thank you, Phil. 237 00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,691 Gee, Carla, you were up there with Hill a long time. What happened? 238 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,109 I don't want to talk about it. 239 00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:16,861 Hey, what'd you say to him? 240 00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,071 Shut up and get out of my way, 241 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:21,032 you stupid, dirt-eating farm boy. 242 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:26,371 Ouch. I'd hate to be on the receiving end of that. 243 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:35,546 What is going on? 244 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:38,549 In this bar, I don't ask. 245 00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:44,681 Now, apparently you're upset over something. 246 00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:51,604 Or not. I don't know you that well. 247 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,606 Carla, now just relax and try to breathe. 248 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,899 Just breathe. 249 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,989 All right, now, is it out of your system? 250 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,740 All right, now talk to us. 251 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:03,992 Aah! 252 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,618 Carla! Carla! Whoa, whoa! 253 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,081 Carla, what has gotten into you? 254 00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,375 First of all, you have to promise 255 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,669 to never repeat this to anybody. 256 00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:17,005 I swear. That goes without saying. 257 00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:20,216 Okay. I just did a really, really, really bad thing. 258 00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:24,012 When I was up there with Hill, I just kind of lost control. 259 00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:26,139 Ohh? You didn't break something really expensive, did you? 260 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,223 No, worse than that. 261 00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,433 - Did you hurt him? - Worse! 262 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,435 Oh, no. Did he have a heart attack? 263 00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:32,020 - No! Worse. - He's dead? 264 00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:33,313 Oh, you guys, You don't get it. 265 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,440 I didn't kill him. 266 00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:37,525 I slept with him. 267 00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,610 Yikes. 268 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,916 You had sex with Hill? 269 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,753 John Allen Hill? 270 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,756 Upstairs John Allen Hill? 271 00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,466 It was so crazy. 272 00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:02,884 I marched into his office 273 00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:05,678 and I started calling him bald and wrinkled, 274 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,806 and he started calling me short and ugly. 275 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,558 And before I knew it, 276 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:13,353 our clothes were off and we were insulting each other 277 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,063 against the filing cabinet. 278 00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,609 But, Carla, I mean, he is-- He's... 279 00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:20,860 You know what I call him? 280 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,363 The bullet. 281 00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:30,411 Carla, I--I believe I understand what happened. 282 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,080 You two have a classic 283 00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:34,082 attraction/repulsion relationship. 284 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:36,417 It's really a fairly common phenomenon. 285 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,836 People who are constantly at odds with one another 286 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:42,590 very often have rivers of passion raging between them, 287 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,675 until one day the banks overflow 288 00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:47,678 in a torrent of unthinking, unreasonable emotion. 289 00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:51,766 Plus the guy's practically a contortionist. 290 00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:59,065 I can't believe I did this. 291 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,525 I betrayed Sam. 292 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:03,903 I went up there to take on his worst enemy, 293 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,864 and I ended up having a nooner with him. 294 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:16,582 Oh, I just hope Sammy doesn't find out about this. 295 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:20,002 Oh, Carla, you're going to have to face Sam sooner or later. 296 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:21,295 He's bound to find out. 297 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:22,713 Yeah, Lilith's right. 298 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,092 Yeah, I guess you're right. 299 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,095 Okay... well, I'll just catch Sam tonight 300 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,596 when nobody else is around 301 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,557 and I'll tell him the truth. 302 00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:36,102 I'll tell him that what happened with Hill was a one-time thing 303 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,187 and it will never happen again. 304 00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:40,940 Unless... I accidentally catch a glimpse 305 00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:44,861 of those... wiry, bantam legs of his. 306 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,537 Evening, everybody. 307 00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,080 - Norm! - Norm! 308 00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:58,624 Hey, Mr. P. How goes the search for Mr. Clavin? 309 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,751 Not as well as the search for Mr. Doughnut. 310 00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,921 I found him every couple of blocks. 311 00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:09,302 Boy, poor Mr. Clavin. Who knows what happened to him? 312 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,761 I'm worried about him, really. 313 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,305 Why don't you give me the phone. 314 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,599 Check the hospitals or something, shouldn't I? 315 00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:16,851 Mass general. 316 00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,144 Hey, Normie, I got dish. 317 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,770 I'll call you back. 318 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:22,273 It's about Carla and that Hill upstairs. 319 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:23,524 Spill it. What? 320 00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:27,069 - Eew. - Ha ha. 321 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:28,404 Hey, Frasier. Hey, Frasier. 322 00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:29,947 You hear about Carla, huh? 323 00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:32,700 Did I hear? Who do you think told Polo? 324 00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:35,703 Wow. Carla and Hill. 325 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,371 I saw it coming. 326 00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:40,416 You didn't have to be Kreskin. 327 00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:41,584 Frasier, 328 00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,878 I cannot believe that you revealed 329 00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:46,672 what is essentially a professional confidence. 330 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,591 Sweetheart, did she pay you a dime? 331 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,510 No. 332 00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,386 Then why are we having this discussion? 333 00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:55,681 What's everybody talking about? 334 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:59,185 Woody, when Carla went upstairs to see Hill today, 335 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,228 she... 336 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:03,397 Well, they... did the deed. 337 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:04,565 You know what I mean? 338 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:07,026 I'm not following you, Dr. Crane. 339 00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,611 Carla and Hill, 340 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:11,113 they rocked each other's world. 341 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,742 They thumped. 342 00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:15,785 What? 343 00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,453 They had sex! 344 00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,247 Carla and Hill had sex! 345 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:20,790 What? 346 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:23,417 Come on, Sam, even I got it that time. 347 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,504 Carla? 348 00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:32,426 Are you all happy now? 349 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,637 Your gossiping and rumor-mongering 350 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:37,848 is resulting in a possible rift between Carla and Sam. 351 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,642 Rather than allow her the time and space 352 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,811 to open up to Sam in her own good time, 353 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,647 you all have been behaving like a gaggle of fishwives. 354 00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:46,399 Hey, you blabbed first, girl. 355 00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:52,655 Sammy, I don't know what to tell you. 356 00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,490 I-- I guess... 357 00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:56,617 All the insults and the venom 358 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:58,119 and the blood hatred 359 00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:00,079 just kind of turned us on. 360 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:02,331 It's the old story. 361 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,043 I guess so. 362 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:08,254 Oh, Sammy, I let you down. 363 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,090 I slept with the enemy. 364 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,216 Please forgive me. 365 00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:15,219 - Please don't be angry. - No, I'm not angry. 366 00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:17,722 It's just... well, the way I see it, 367 00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:21,684 you let down the whole team. 368 00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:25,146 It's like, you know, bottom of the ninth, 369 00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:26,856 one out, runner on first, 370 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,816 you're up at bat. 371 00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,652 Coach tells you to bunt. 372 00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,863 Team expects you to bunt. 373 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,781 The runner on first expects you to bunt. 374 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,409 Fans expect you to bunt. 375 00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:40,036 But instead of bunting, 376 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:44,290 you sleep with John Allen Hill! 377 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,666 Oh, God! 378 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,668 Hey, take it easy. 379 00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:49,462 You're supposed to forgive me. 380 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:53,424 How can I forgive you? You slept with that evil little dwarf! 381 00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:56,636 Is it my fault the guy is such a turn-on? 382 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:58,638 Oh, stop! Oh, yuck, yuck! Oh, God, stop! 383 00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:01,098 Now, look, I have never once said anything 384 00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:02,308 about anyone you have ever slept with. 385 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,143 Oh, right! What about Diane? 386 00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,936 Every morning you'd threaten 387 00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,147 to stick a hand grenade in her mouth and pull the pin! 388 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,315 You hated her! 389 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,776 I disapproved of her. 390 00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:13,653 Come on, Carla, you hated her. 391 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,071 You hate everyone. 392 00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:16,447 That's not fair! 393 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:17,740 Oh, right. I'm sorry. I forgot. 394 00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:20,201 You don't hate John Allen Hill! 395 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:21,994 God! 396 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:25,665 That's it! Thanks a lot for your forgiveness! 397 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,166 I'm outta here. 398 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,460 Ohh. 399 00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,879 I can't believe it. Ohh. 400 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:33,130 Oh, dear. 401 00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:34,298 Sam? 402 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,549 What, Woody? 403 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:37,134 You're angry, aren't you? 404 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,762 Yeah, I am. 405 00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,764 You're hurt. You're down. 406 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:43,140 You're confused, aren't you? 407 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,851 Yeah. Yeah, I am. 408 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:49,188 Yeah. I was, too, the first time I made this mistake. 409 00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:51,691 Just remember, the men's room 410 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,360 is the second door on the left. 411 00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:00,991 Hey, everybody. 412 00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:02,368 Hey, Cliff ie, you're back. 413 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:03,869 You deliver that letter all right? 414 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,580 It took a little doing, but I finally delivered it. 415 00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,249 It was three hours late. 416 00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:10,000 You know, but it turns out 417 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:12,086 that the original letter was three weeks late, 418 00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,630 so I was able to shave a little time off. 419 00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,968 Where's Norm, Woods? 420 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,010 He's out looking for you. 421 00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:21,262 Oh, boy. 422 00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,180 I guess I better go find him. 423 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,267 Hey, look, it's that Cannon episode 424 00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:28,602 where he dresses up as a pimp to save the runaway. 425 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:34,316 Norm's a big boy. He can take care of himself. 426 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:39,238 Naked, naked, naked! 427 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:40,823 Excuse me, I'm looking for a guy 428 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:43,617 wearing a funny costume, riding a horse. 429 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,536 Try the place two doors down. 430 00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:46,871 Okay. 431 00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,832 Freak. 432 00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:52,042 Naked, naked, naked! 433 00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,045 Coming. 434 00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:56,464 Coming. 435 00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,426 - Who is it? - Sam. 436 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,346 Hey. 437 00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:05,848 Hey. 438 00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:07,683 How you doing? 439 00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:10,644 Fine, and you? 440 00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:12,438 Fine. 441 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,774 So where are the kids? 442 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,985 How should I know? It's only 1:30. 443 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:26,035 I came to apologize. 444 00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:27,953 I blew up. You gotta know 445 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,040 I didn't mean any of that stuff. It's just... 446 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,208 That Hill guy, man, 447 00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:33,459 there's something about him 448 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:36,545 just makes me act crazy. 449 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,464 Ah, forget it. 450 00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:39,840 I forgive you. 451 00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:42,009 I know you didn't mean that stuff. 452 00:21:43,761 --> 00:21:45,429 I just hope you can forgive me. 453 00:21:45,596 --> 00:21:47,139 Oh, of course I can. Come on, you don't think 454 00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:49,016 I'd let that stuff get in between us here. 455 00:21:49,183 --> 00:21:50,434 You're my best friend. 456 00:21:50,601 --> 00:21:53,896 Oh, Sammy, you're my best friend, too. 457 00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:55,981 Oh, I know what it's like. 458 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:59,109 It was probably just one of those things, right? 459 00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:01,821 Exactly. It was just one of those things. 460 00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:04,323 Yeah. I've been thinking about this. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. 461 00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:05,699 Tomorrow morning I'm going up 462 00:22:05,866 --> 00:22:07,326 and I'm gonna talk to Hill calmly 463 00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:09,370 and ask him nicely if maybe 464 00:22:09,537 --> 00:22:11,956 I could use the Dumpster until I can buy one for myself. 465 00:22:12,122 --> 00:22:14,208 I swear to God I'll do it bright and early. 466 00:22:14,375 --> 00:22:17,086 Well, not too early, Saa-am. 467 00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:25,219 I have a feeling I may be in a little late. 468 00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:30,349 Okay, so it was just two of those things.