1
00:00:01,627 --> 00:00:04,463
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:07,216
11 and holding.
3
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,009
Hey, that's a personal best.
4
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,219
What's going on?
5
00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:12,054
We're trying to count
how many Spanish peanuts
6
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,764
Cliff can fit up his nose.
7
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11 is the limit.
I know my nostrils.
8
00:00:19,895 --> 00:00:21,480
Let's see. Who had 11?
9
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,607
- Norm Peterson.
- Hey!
10
00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,609
Yes. I know Cliff ie's nostrils. Come here.
11
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- Here you go, Norm.
- Cliff, are you crazy?
12
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:31,114
You've really been stuffing
peanuts up your nose?
13
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That's dangerous.
14
00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:35,452
You could puncture your sinuses.
You could even get brain damage.
15
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I've been doing this
kind of stuff for years.
16
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It's no big deal.
17
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:42,417
Yeah, Cliff ie, but never 11, pal.
18
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,086
Yeah, you're right, Norm.
19
00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:46,880
Rebecca, I'm going
to mosey to the pool room
20
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:47,923
and pry some of these out.
21
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Give me the corkscrew, will you?
22
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:52,261
Thank you.
23
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,933
Norm, that's quite a little sum
of money you got there.
24
00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,434
- Yeah, well...
- Maybe you'd like
25
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:01,687
to apply some of this
to your bar tab?
26
00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:06,066
Oh, that's very good.
27
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,235
You're starting to fit in here.
That's great.
28
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Sam, let me have a scotch.
29
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Make it a double.
30
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:32,569
Oh, what the hell. Just pound me
over the head with the bottle.
31
00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:36,490
Tough day, huh?
32
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:37,991
No, I'm not unwinding, Sam.
33
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,451
I'm bracing up.
34
00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:41,495
Lilith's mother is
coming up from the city
35
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,247
for our fifth wedding anniversary.
They're meeting me here.
36
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:47,292
I thought I'd come in
a little early and marinate.
37
00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:51,129
Yeah, mother-in-laws, man.
They're tough.
38
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:52,673
She's demanding, Sam.
39
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:56,259
She's unreasonable,
cold, sarcastic, bitter.
40
00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:57,803
Nothing is to her liking, ever.
41
00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:00,389
Yeah, we know.
What's her mother like?
42
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:06,561
I suppose it's wrong of me
to blame Betty for all our problems.
43
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,563
I'm sure I'm not the way
she wants me to be, either.
44
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,691
How does she want you
to be, Dr. Crane?
45
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:11,858
Well...
46
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:13,276
...dead.
47
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,570
The thing that really
drives me crazy
48
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:18,407
is the unrelenting tension
between Lilith and her mother.
49
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:21,743
Lilith holds it in.
She has to unload it somewhere,
50
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,620
and guess who gets
to listen to it endlessly.
51
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,372
Apparently me, Dr. Crane.
52
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,209
Oh, that's wonderful!
53
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,836
Oh, thank you.
54
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,587
Oh, yes. Thanks!
55
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:36,800
Guess what.
I just won this radio contest.
56
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:40,220
I get a weekend trip for two
to Atlantic City, all expenses paid!
57
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,764
Oh, congratulations.
Who are you going to take?
58
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,141
I don't know.
59
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,768
I just moved to Boston,
and I don't know a soul.
60
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,980
Yeah, yeah. I heard. I heard.
61
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:55,485
Oh, thanks very much!
62
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,362
That's incredible.
I can't believe that.
63
00:03:57,529 --> 00:04:00,657
Hey, guys, guess what.
I just won a radio contest.
64
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,659
You're kidding? I did, too.
65
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:03,827
Really? Yeah.
66
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:06,455
You know, Atlantic City,
free trip, the whole works.
67
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:10,625
- Same here.
- Really?
68
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,127
Isn't that incredible?
69
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,087
Well, it could be.
70
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,507
The only problem is,
I don't know who to take.
71
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:18,925
Two tickets and everything.
72
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,428
I wonder what I should do.
73
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:23,096
About what?
74
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:27,058
You have kind of a short
attention span, don't you?
75
00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:29,603
No, I like that. I like that.
76
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,983
We're talking about my two tickets.
77
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,694
Oh. You know,
I've got the same problem.
78
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,946
Yeah. You know what we ought to...
79
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,740
I'm Sam, by the way.
80
00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:44,075
- Oh. Sam, I'm Debbie.
- Hi, Deb.
81
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,828
Maybe we should,
instead of wasting four tickets,
82
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:49,873
we should just use yours
and go together.
83
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:53,668
- That's a super idea!
- Yeah! All right.
84
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:56,129
Hey, guys, I'm off to Atlantic City.
85
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,007
Those Japanese that say
we've lost our ingenuity
86
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:01,009
and the ability to get the job done
ought to come to Cheers
87
00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:02,844
and have a gander at Sam Malone.
88
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:08,558
Sammy, I'd like you to take
this Cliff nostril money
89
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,811
and put it on black 17
at the roulette table.
90
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,104
Black 17. You got it, pal.
91
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:14,523
Okay, we're ready.
92
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,483
What are we going to do
with your tickets?
93
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:19,319
I'll probably just
give them away to some strangers.
94
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:22,113
I'd do that, too,
but I don't know any strangers.
95
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,616
This is going to be
a great weekend.
96
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,037
How come black 17, Norm?
97
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:33,458
Oh well, 17 is because Vera
and I were married on the 17th,
98
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:36,545
and black is because Vera
and I were married on the 17th.
99
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:39,548
Another one, Dr. Crane?
100
00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,093
No, thanks, Woody.
One ought to do it.
101
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,222
Mother and I have arrived, Frasier.
102
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:48,557
Hit me, Woody.
Need some juice.
103
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,563
Thanks for helping me
with my bags, Frasier,
104
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,858
but I see you've got that big
heavy drink to lug around.
105
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,318
Hello, Betty.
106
00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:05,740
So this is where
you spend all of your time
107
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:09,494
while my grandson crawls
around in open stairwells
108
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:11,621
and electrical outlets.
109
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Actually, Frederick is walking now.
110
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If my daughter had any
sense, so would she.
111
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,005
Is there a bathroom around here?
112
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:22,132
Oh, yes, right down
that hallway there.
113
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:31,474
Frasier, I have to thank you.
114
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,351
You seem to be trying
harder than usual
115
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to be pleasant to my mother.
116
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Want to tell me
what the hell is going on?
117
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,274
Well, darling,
for the past few months,
118
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I've been agonizing
over what to give you
119
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for our fifth wedding anniversary.
120
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I thought about jewelry, a trip, a car...
121
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:48,283
But this...
122
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This cost me even more.
123
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,794
"I promise not to fight
with Betty during her visit."
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Happy anniversary, my love.
125
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,134
It's very thoughtful, Frasier.
126
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Exactly how do you
intend to pull that off?
127
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:09,930
I've been working at this
for some time now,
128
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,973
and whatever Betty says,
129
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,810
I shall let this smile
be my umbrella.
130
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,443
Well, get ready to smile.
131
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,988
My mother has never
gotten over being upset
132
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,323
about missing our wedding.
133
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She wants us to renew
our wedding vows on Saturday.
134
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My darling, I...
135
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I think the whole idea is just...
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...wonderful.
137
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:43,546
Hey, waitress. You want
to turn up the heat in here?
138
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,340
I am not a fish stick.
139
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:49,344
Or maybe I should ask someone
who can reach the thermostat.
140
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:51,304
Hey, hey.
141
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,306
Lady...
142
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,850
You can't just waltz in here
and insult people
143
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and start ordering everyone around.
144
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Why not?
145
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Because that's my job.
146
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:05,026
I would have thought your job
was to live under a bridge.
147
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,113
Yeah?
148
00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:10,699
Well, unless you want
some bridge work,
149
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,200
you just better shut up!
150
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:16,413
She rattled me, okay?
151
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,750
Betty, I think it's terribly sweet
152
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,919
that you want us
to reenact our wedding,
153
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:26,673
but have you given any thought
to a little cocktail party?
154
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,426
I think that might be more pleasant
and perhaps a bit more intimate.
155
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:32,429
Well, you're wrong, very wrong.
156
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:33,763
You couldn't be more wrong
157
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:36,224
if your fanny was
screwed on backwards.
158
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:39,436
That wrong, huh?
159
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,905
Thanks for dropping me off, Debbie.
160
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:52,323
Sammy, how'd it go in Atlantic City?
161
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,242
- You get lucky?
- Yeah, you bet I did.
162
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,287
So how much did you win?
163
00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:58,455
Not a cent.
164
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,001
I'll call you tomorrow, all right?
165
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,169
- Okay.
- Thanks.
166
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:05,545
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
167
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,214
Sammy, huh?
168
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,340
Yeah?
169
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,678
You remember to put
that 50 bucks down
170
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,013
on that black 17, buddy?
171
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:18,767
Yeah, you know, about that, Norm.
You know, the strangest thing happened.
172
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,269
I put all your money on black 17.
173
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,438
- And I lost, right?
- No, no, no. It hit.
174
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,106
It hit? All right!
175
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:28,568
But Debbie got so excited,
she started jumping up and down,
176
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,196
and by the time she was finished,
177
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:34,657
I had accidentally
let your winnings ride.
178
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,076
I could kill you. You did that?
179
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,786
And it hit again.
180
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,788
What are the odds on that?
181
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:41,456
Pretty damn steep, buddy.
182
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:44,084
- I don't believe it!
- Sammy!
183
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,044
Sammy!
184
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,171
I'm rich! I'm rich!
185
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:49,714
Look at this!
186
00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,132
Sam, Sam, Sam.
187
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,967
Now that Norm's come
into all this money,
188
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,053
don't you think it's time
that somebody reminds him
189
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,971
that he has a pretty hefty bar tab?
190
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,223
Sweetheart, he's my friend.
191
00:09:58,389 --> 00:09:59,891
I can't mention that.
He'll come through.
192
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:00,975
I don't know, Sam.
193
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,228
Trust me. I've known
the guy for a long time.
194
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,521
He'll do the right thing.
195
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,523
Sammy, this calls for a celebration.
196
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,817
Let's have a round on me, okay?
197
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,987
Drinks for everybody.
Sammy, put it on my tab, please.
198
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:18,868
Sam! Sam. Double.
199
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:23,998
Now, about the cake.
Do you like butter cream?
200
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:25,083
Yes, mother.
201
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,876
Good, because that's what I ordered.
202
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:30,130
- Now, how about flowers?
- I like roses.
203
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:33,216
- Do you like cascading lilies?
- Sort of.
204
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:35,927
Good, because that's what I ordered.
205
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:37,470
Now...
206
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,641
Why don't you go
and learn your vows?
207
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,184
I've written them out.
208
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:47,021
And I'm going to go
call the caterer.
209
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:51,442
Looking at Frasier's friends, I know
I'm going to need to order more.
210
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:56,072
I don't know what, just... more.
211
00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:01,786
- She's written vows?
- Yes...
212
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,914
Apparently with the recurring phrase
213
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,417
"shiftless alcoholic."
214
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:16,926
Darling, for the hundredth time,
why are we going through
215
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,595
with this ridiculous
wedding reenactment?
216
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:22,182
Because every time
I try to say "no," it comes out "yes."
217
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,934
My behavior is solely
to please my mother.
218
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,271
Why does she always
try to turn me into something I'm not?
219
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:31,357
Maybe, deep down,
she always wanted a girl.
220
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,238
Hey. Hey, rich guy.
221
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,698
Mind if I do a little reading here?
222
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,744
Oh, Sammy. My tab.
223
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:45,205
Tab? Oh, I thought
it was the yellow pages.
224
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,793
Yeah. Boy, we've had that thing
a long time, haven't we?
225
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,212
Sure have, buddy. Look at that.
226
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,547
We go all the way back to when
we didn't even know your name.
227
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,216
"Skinny guy at the end of the bar."
228
00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:00,929
Yep. Yep, it's gotten awfully big.
229
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,139
Kind of a disgrace, really.
230
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:05,016
That it is, Norm. That it is.
231
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,476
Tell you what I'm gonna do.
232
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:09,896
Since I've come into all this money,
I'm going to buy you a new book.
233
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:16,819
Whenever I'm in her presence,
I revert to being a little girl again.
234
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:18,947
But you're not.
235
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:20,823
You're a grown woman.
236
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,702
You have a successful career,
and you're well-respected in your field.
237
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:27,247
Darling, you must go
over there to your mother,
238
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,123
look her in the eye,
and, for God sakes,
239
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,501
tell her that we're not going
to reenact our damn wedding!
240
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,294
You're right, Frasier.
241
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:37,173
Incidentally,
242
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:40,093
why do you always refer
to it as our "damn wedding"?
243
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:44,305
One hurdle at a time, Lilith.
244
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:49,644
Now, I'll be with you all the time.
I'll be your support. Lean on me.
245
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:52,021
Is anyone else hot in here?
246
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:55,316
Say, waitress, do you mind?
I'm not a rotisserie chicken.
247
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,611
Yeah, well, you...
you look like one.
248
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:05,201
Sam, I just got to take
a couple of days sick leave.
249
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:10,123
Mother, Frasier and I have spoken,
and there's something
250
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,916
I have to tell you about my wedding.
251
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:15,503
Oh, I just can't wait
to see my little girl married.
252
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:19,090
I am so sorry I missed it the first time.
253
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:20,925
I can't wait either, mommy.
254
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,679
Come along.
We've got a lot to do.
255
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:26,347
I'll be right there, mommy.
256
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,684
Lot of help you were,
you spineless bastard.
257
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,947
- All that money, huh?
- Yeah.
258
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,699
- Sure will come in handy.
- Yeah.
259
00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:47,618
You could probably
pay off all your outstanding debts.
260
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:49,037
If I had any, Sam.
261
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:51,622
Not me.
262
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,334
Own my own house,
own my own car.
263
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,919
No plastic. Do not believe in debt.
264
00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:00,340
So I'm beginning to find out.
265
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,178
Rebecca Howe?
266
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:06,971
Why, yes.
267
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,265
And who are you, stranger?
268
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:10,350
You wouldn't remember me.
269
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,268
I was a customer here
many years ago.
270
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,270
I had a couple of beers
and couldn't pay for them,
271
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,564
and this bar was kind
enough to run me a tab.
272
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:19,317
Two beers and you
did not pay for them?
273
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:23,946
That's right, miss,
and I'll tell you why.
274
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,574
Shortly after that,
I committed a crime of passion
275
00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:28,659
and was sent
to Devil's island for life.
276
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,705
Oh, my. Go on, stranger.
277
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:38,544
For years rotting in those cells,
I was kept alive by but one thought...
278
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,838
The knowledge
that I owed a debt to Cheers.
279
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:44,926
So under the light of a tropic moon,
I escaped and fashioned a crude raft
280
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,594
with vines and coconut husks.
281
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:50,723
The rest is unimportant.
Suffice it to say, here's $3.00.
282
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,892
God bless you, stranger.
283
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,854
Norm, did you hear that?
284
00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,231
How could anyone
help but hear that?
285
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,650
Blah blah blah.
Could you keep it down?
286
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,610
I'm trying to watch
some TV over here.
287
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:05,113
How could you even think
that someone would be
288
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,031
stupid enough to take
a hint like that?
289
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:10,785
Ms. Howe, here's that dollar
I borrowed for lunch yesterday.
290
00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:12,370
You know, you could have come
right out and told me
291
00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:15,415
instead of having that guy come
all the way here from Devil's island.
292
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,171
Sam, let me have
a quick one, will you?
293
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,006
We're showing Betty the sights.
294
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:25,800
Oh, yeah? Where is she?
295
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,969
Well, I gave her a little shove
into Filene's basement
296
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,262
and yelled "Sale!"
297
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,722
With any luck, she'll be
trampled to death.
298
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,934
Your wife is waiting
for you up there.
299
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:39,105
Hello, dear.
300
00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:43,067
You caught me. I'm hiding.
301
00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:44,694
It's as good a place as any.
302
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,779
This is where I always come
to hide from my problems.
303
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,906
I mean, my work problems, of course.
304
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:51,117
My domestic life is just, well...
305
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,579
Things are looking up, Frasier.
306
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:58,374
I've been researching the problem
of how to deal with an overbearing mother.
307
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,042
I think you'll be delighted to learn
308
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,879
that I've hit upon
the perfect course of action.
309
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:06,090
Oh, darling, how exciting!
A breakthrough! What's the plan?
310
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,592
To acquiesce totally.
311
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:10,845
Yes, I'm going to let my mother
run roughshod over me.
312
00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,597
It's time to cut our losses.
313
00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:15,224
I'm at the third
from final turn in the maze,
314
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:18,811
and unbeknownst to me,
the researcher has removed the cheese.
315
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,274
Your analogies always bring it home, dear.
316
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:32,408
Yeah, still can't get your mother
off your back, huh?
317
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,535
That's very difficult
for me to relate to.
318
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:36,704
Really?
319
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:38,915
Oh, yeah. Ma and I don't
have any problems.
320
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:43,085
In fact, most people find it's hard
to tell that we're even related.
321
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:45,880
Folks down at club med
were very surprised
322
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:47,548
when they find out
we're mother and son.
323
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,676
Shocked, even.
324
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:55,890
You know, Dr. Sternin-Crane,
325
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:59,101
I always heard that you should tell
your mother exactly how you feel.
326
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:00,353
Is that what you'd do, Woody?
327
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,647
Yeah, right. Like I want a whipping.
328
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,777
Well, thank you very much, Woody.
I appreciate that.
329
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:09,612
You know, I have another idea.
330
00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,697
Thank you very much, Woody.
I appreciate that.
331
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:14,075
You didn't let me
tell you the idea yet.
332
00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:16,035
Woody, in certain company,
333
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:19,038
when someone says,
"Thank you very much. I appreciate that",
334
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,707
it means, 'I don't thank you,
I don't appreciate that,
335
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,584
and I want you
to shut your mouth."
336
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,629
Thank you very much,
Dr. Sternin-Crane.
337
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:27,922
I appreciate that.
338
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:41,978
- So glad you could come, Sam.
- Thank you.
339
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:44,605
The gift table's over there.
340
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,816
We were supposed to bring gifts?
341
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,776
Don't give it a second thought,
342
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:50,903
Mr. Trump.
343
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,074
Hey, man, I'm so sorry.
344
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:56,951
I didn't realize we were
supposed to bring gifts.
345
00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:58,035
That's all right, Sam.
346
00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,996
Your presence here
is more than enough.
347
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:03,207
Paul, you scamp!
Is this a toaster oven?
348
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:09,964
So, you see, that's why Shamu cannot
really be considered a killer whale.
349
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:16,304
Hello, I'm Dr. Bramwell,
a colleague of Frasier's.
350
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,514
I couldn't help overhearing
your conversation.
351
00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,600
You must be one of his patients.
352
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:24,895
No, I'm one of his friends. Cliff Clavin.
353
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,940
Oh, then I wouldn't
be poaching if I...
354
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,191
Well...
355
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,444
Here's my card.
356
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:35,615
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
357
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,117
That's the third one I got tonight.
358
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,453
I must have a sign
on my back or something.
359
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,414
Sam, there's Norm.
360
00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:47,001
This might be a good chance
to ask him about the bar tab.
361
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,711
This is not... he'll get upset.
362
00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:51,505
No, he won't. It's the last place
in the world he'd make a scene.
363
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:52,632
Just be discreet.
364
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,676
Norm, Sam wants
to ask you about your bar tab.
365
00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:01,057
She thinks, you know,
you came into some money.
366
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,893
Maybe it'd be appropriate
to pay some of the bar tab.
367
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:06,103
Sure, if I had any of the money left.
368
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,731
What do you mean?
You spent every cent?
369
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:12,568
Yeah. What the heck, you know?
Easy come, easy go, Sammy.
370
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:15,196
It was found money, I figure,
so why not do something
371
00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:17,031
that I always wanted to do with it?
372
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:21,410
So, I went down,
and I bought a boat.
373
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,371
Isn't it a beauty?
374
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,582
I can't believe that, man.
You spent it?
375
00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:30,336
After all those years?
Carrying you while you were unemployed?
376
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,254
- You're my friend!
- Yeah, but...
377
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:35,257
I listen to all your stupid
little comments every day,
378
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:38,761
I let you run up
the largest bar tab in history,
379
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,262
and then you come
into some money,
380
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:41,889
and you tell me
you don't pay me back?
381
00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:43,724
You spend it on a stupid boat?
382
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,102
I hope you and the stupid boat sink,
383
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:47,728
you big deadbeat!
384
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,858
Sammy, I bought the boat for you.
385
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,944
See? It's the Mayday Malone.
386
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:56,028
See?
387
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:58,280
I mean, thank you.
388
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,953
I know how bad you felt
when your boat sank,
389
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,455
and it's something I always
wanted to do, big guy.
390
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:10,084
Oh, man. That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.
391
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:12,086
Hey, listen, about that bar tab...
392
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:13,087
Yeah, I know.
393
00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:15,589
I've broken it down
into 36 easy payments.
394
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:20,886
Now, I want you to stand up straight
when you're out there.
395
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,639
- All eyes will be on you.
- Yes, mommy.
396
00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:27,143
And for heaven's sake, speak up.
I want to hear every word clearly.
397
00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:29,478
- Yes, mommy!
- Not now. When you're out there.
398
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,444
May I see the bride
before the ceremony?
399
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,612
No, Frasier. I don't want
you to see me like this.
400
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:40,156
Oh, nonsense, dear.
401
00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:45,327
Oh, my Lord.
402
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:46,912
Is this my Lilith, so...
403
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:48,497
So beautiful.
404
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,374
Beautiful?
405
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:53,836
And your hair is so gorgeous.
406
00:20:54,545 --> 00:20:57,047
My face is beautiful?
My hair is gorgeous?
407
00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:59,550
What's next?
I have a cute little caboose?
408
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:02,678
Watch your mouth, Lilith.
409
00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:04,805
You know how much I hate this.
410
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:07,516
I wouldn't have put this
horrid paint on my face
411
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:08,893
or worn this atrocious hairdo
412
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:12,188
if my mother weren't emotionally
blackmailing me into doing so.
413
00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,440
Blackmailing you? How could you!
414
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:15,691
Shut up, mother!
415
00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:17,526
It's bad enough I have
to be your little girl.
416
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:18,819
I don't have to be his, too.
417
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,822
For once in your life,
keep your mouth shut and butt out!
418
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:26,869
I'm sorry, mother.
419
00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:30,331
Oh, no. It's so beautiful.
420
00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:34,168
I said the same thing to my mother
on my wedding day.
421
00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:37,379
The tears.
422
00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:39,340
The unhappiness.
423
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:41,759
I wouldn't have missed
this for the world.
424
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,806
Frase, going to be much longer?
425
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,808
Because I hit
that punch bowl kind of hard.
426
00:21:55,773 --> 00:21:57,525
Are you going to be all right, mother?
427
00:21:57,691 --> 00:21:59,193
Yes, I'm fine.
428
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,446
I want to be ready
when they ask if anybody objects.
429
00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:05,908
I've written it all out.
430
00:22:07,451 --> 00:22:08,828
We love you, too, Betty.
431
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,002
Frasier, I apologize for yelling at you.
432
00:22:17,711 --> 00:22:18,838
Now, be honest.
433
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:21,382
Didn't you say that I was
beautiful and gorgeous
434
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:23,259
only to force a catharsis?
435
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:25,636
Guilty as charged.
436
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:29,056
Then help me get
this junk off my face.
437
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:32,935
Oh, darling, we don't seem
to have time for that right now.
438
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:35,729
As much as I hate it,
you'll have to keep it on.
439
00:22:35,896 --> 00:22:38,107
Let's go out there
and say our "I do's."
440
00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:40,359
Then I'll haul your cute
little caboose up to the bedroom.
441
00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:43,821
Thank you, Frasier.
442
00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:47,783
Oh, the hell with the "I do's."