1 00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:04,463 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:07,841 Woody. 3 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:11,929 I hear that you and Kelly are having a hard time getting a wedding ring. 4 00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:14,640 That's right, Carla. They're pretty expensive, you know. 5 00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:16,058 Yeah, that's what I thought. 6 00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:18,393 And you know, I'm not going to be able to afford 7 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,938 to get you kids the kind of present you really deserve. 8 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:24,566 So, on the way over here, I stopped by my bank, 9 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:28,487 and I took this out of my safety deposit box. 10 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,198 Whoa. Carla, that's a beaut. 11 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,492 Yeah, I know. It's solid silver. 12 00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,661 It's been in my family for years. 13 00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:37,538 My great-uncle Amerigo 14 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,581 gave it to my great-aunt Sophia, 15 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,959 and then I was going to give it to my youngest girl, 16 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,962 but she inherited the Tortelli knuckles. 17 00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,257 Carla, I could never take it. 18 00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:50,384 Woody, I want you to have it. 19 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,094 At least let me give you something for it. 20 00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:53,845 I have $500 in my budget. 21 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,348 Well, if it makes you feel better. 22 00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:01,520 You know, the thing is, Kelly really prefers gold. 23 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:05,023 Well, I got it in gold, too. 24 00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:07,651 Perfect! 25 00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,695 Hey, does she need any earrings? 26 00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:27,481 Afternoon, everybody. 27 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:28,940 Norm! 28 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,068 Hey, Mr. Peterson, that's quite a haircut. 29 00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:33,278 Yeah? Well, they're only halfway done, Wood. 30 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:38,283 I got a little thirsty. You know what I mean? 31 00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:40,410 Give me a beer. 32 00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:43,789 Hi, Woody. 33 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,624 Hey, Kelly. What are you doing here? 34 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:48,919 I wanted to spend the afternoon with Mr. Peterson and Mr. Clavin. 35 00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:50,837 You've been spending a lot of time with them lately. 36 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:51,922 What's up? 37 00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,508 I thought it would be a good idea for me to get to know your friends. 38 00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:55,926 Why? 39 00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:58,470 Because when we get married and you turn to me and say, 40 00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,681 "Kelly, I'm going to spend a night on the town." 41 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:04,017 And I burst into tears and ask you to spend just one night at home. 42 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,728 And you say "I'm going to be with my friends," 43 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,606 Well, I want to know who those friends are. 44 00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:12,401 Boy, could I sing a couple of bars of that. 45 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,237 So what do you guys talk about? 46 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:16,947 The usual. 47 00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,865 How the Celtics need a point guard, 48 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,492 the Sox need pitching, 49 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:23,286 the fact that there's an exact replica of the Earth 50 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,872 on the other side of the sun that we can never see. 51 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:27,749 Wow, really? 52 00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,292 The Sox need pitchers? 53 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:31,753 Well, on this Earth. 54 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:33,422 Anyway, Woody, if you'll excuse me now. 55 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:35,340 One of your friends is going to teach me how to play pool. 56 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:36,550 Which one? 57 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,594 I don't remember his name, but he's the man from the CIA 58 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,596 who trains the Green Berets. 59 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,640 Let's go, Tootsie. We're up. 60 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:50,522 Do you realize it's been 18 years since we've seen each other? 61 00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,816 Me, too. I can't wait! 62 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,067 Okay. Bye-bye. 63 00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,319 You'll never guess who that was. 64 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,196 Your dental hygienist? 65 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,368 Come on, be serious. Guess. 66 00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,328 Okay, I'll be serious. 67 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,372 I don't really care. 68 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:10,542 Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. It was Mark Newberger. 69 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,794 We have not seen each other since graduation night. 70 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:14,921 Mark Newberger. 71 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:18,258 We met doing "The Bad Seed' in our sophomore production. 72 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,135 He was my first boyfriend. 73 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:21,845 I really loved him. 74 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:25,182 Maybe he was the only guy I've ever really loved. 75 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,434 I don't know why I gave him up. 76 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,936 I guess I wanted to go off to college and be free. 77 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,563 That whole deal. I don't know. 78 00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:34,149 What an idiot. Why would I ever give him up? 79 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,401 Nobody's listening to you. 80 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:40,739 I am trying to pretend like I have a friend, okay? 81 00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:42,491 Wait, what am I saying? I do have a friend. 82 00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:43,950 I don't need to pretend. 83 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,370 Mark Newberger is back, and he's better than any friend you have. 84 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,248 I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. 85 00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,544 Anybody in here know this guy? 86 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,838 Sam, my God, What's the matter? 87 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,298 We found him out in the middle of the street 88 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,133 Staring at an empty parking space, 89 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,968 muttering to himself, shouting at people. 90 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,430 My corvette. They stole my 'Vette! 91 00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,182 Frasier, have you seen my 'Vette? 92 00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:10,018 Sam, I'm afraid not. 93 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,312 Well, Sam, stop by the station house sometime 94 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:13,855 and fill out a report. 95 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:15,482 Then you'll give me my 'Vette back? 96 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,025 Whatever you say. 97 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:20,278 I left it outside. 98 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:23,281 What was I thinking? I should have stayed with it! 99 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,033 Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, Normie. 100 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,160 I'm going to miss that car. 101 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,079 Hey, take a look at that. 102 00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:32,666 Wow. That's you next to Sammy's 'Vette. 103 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:37,128 Yeah. Truth be told, I tell the ladies it's mine. 104 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,632 Wait a minute. That's not even your body. 105 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,886 That's Sammy's body with your head superimposed. 106 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:49,432 Yeah. yeah. You'd be surprised what Ma can do in a darkroom. 107 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:52,978 Yeah, we got one of me at the Yalta Conference. 108 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,525 You should see the look that Churchill's giving me. 109 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,865 I suppose one of us ought to go over and cheer Sammy up. 110 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:08,034 Yeah, yeah. Well, I'll do it. 111 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,078 I got a flair for this kind of thing. 112 00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:12,247 You just stay there. Drink your beer. 113 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,333 Okay. We all have to play to our strengths, I guess. 114 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,918 Yo, Sammy. 115 00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:18,920 Sammy, Sam, Sammy. 116 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,922 You know, I heard about the bad news. 117 00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:24,259 I'm really sorry, pal. It's terrible what these guys do. 118 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,928 They just pluck your car right up off the street 119 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:30,265 and take it to what's commonly known as a chop shop, 120 00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:33,268 where they unceremoniously dismantle it. 121 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,104 And after that, the felons take an acetylene torch 122 00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:39,941 and just, methodically, cut the frame into little tiny pieces. 123 00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,653 Cliff, do you really think any of this helps? 124 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,239 It sure as heck keeps the car from being traced, Sam. 125 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,455 Hi. I'm looking for Rebecca Howe. 126 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,415 She's over there. 127 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,584 Rebecca? 128 00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,962 My God, Rebecca. You're beautiful! 129 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,088 Who would have ever thought that you would have 130 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,549 developed into this gorgeous creature? 131 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:06,134 No, Mark, over here. 132 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,845 Rebecca, you haven't changed a bit! 133 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,932 My God, look at that hair! 134 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:15,727 If you had any more, I could get you listed as an endangered species. 135 00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,855 Come on, turn around. Let me see, let me see. 136 00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:21,107 I like it. More to love. 137 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:22,943 Me? What about you? 138 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,195 Hey! I'm bulking up for the Olympics. 139 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,156 You'll never guess what. I finally gave up smoking. 140 00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:30,659 I can tell. Your voice sounds so much better. 141 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,161 Sam, I want you to meet somebody. 142 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:36,206 Sam, this is Mark Newberger. Mark Newberger, this is Sam Malone. 143 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,666 Sam owns the bar. 144 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:39,376 Let me go get some of my other friends. 145 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:42,420 Hey, guys! Guys, I want to introduce you to somebody. 146 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,632 Somebody stole my car. 147 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,175 I've been there. 148 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:48,385 Yeah? Really? 149 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,053 Yeah. My ex-lover. 150 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:53,306 First he stole my heart, then he stole my car. 151 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:54,808 He? 152 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:59,312 Aren't you supposed to be Rebecca's old flame? 153 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,439 Well, I'm not that old. 154 00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,527 Thank God he didn't steal the waterbed. 155 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,862 The lying little tramp. 156 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,406 Meow. 157 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,742 Like you were there. 158 00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,248 Mark, I want you to meet all my friends. 159 00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:21,668 All right. This is Dr. Sternin-Crane, our resident researcher. 160 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:25,547 This is Cliff Clavin, our resident Trivia expert. 161 00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:29,300 This is Norm Peterson, our...resident. 162 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:32,637 Uh...this is Woody, the bartender. 163 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:35,223 - And Carla the waitress. - And what do you do, Rebecca? 164 00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:36,641 Shut up! 165 00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,685 I thought I could trick her into telling us. 166 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,064 Oh, Lilith, I feel so victimized. 167 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,525 I feel so angry! I don't know what to do. 168 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,944 Well, actually, Sam, this is precisely 169 00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:50,405 how victim support groups got started. 170 00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,657 People who were suffering and unable to cope 171 00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:56,036 found they felt better if they were able to share those feelings. 172 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,455 Maybe I should try to get in one of those groups. 173 00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,081 I wonder if they have a group for people 174 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:03,251 who have had high-performance automobiles stolen. 175 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:04,919 You had a car stolen? 176 00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:06,713 - Yeah. - What kind was it? 177 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,465 '64 Corvette. 178 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,134 '57 T-bird. Two weeks ago today. 179 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,219 Oh, man! 180 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,014 Does it still really hurt inside? 181 00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:18,308 Sometimes more than others. 182 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,226 Like when I'm late for work 183 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,395 and I run out of the house and try and jump in it. 184 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,773 I just end up in the gutter, weeping. 185 00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:27,108 Oh, man. I hear you, I hear you. 186 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,903 - It just isn't fair. - No kidding, you know? 187 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:33,198 When bad things happen to good-looking people. 188 00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,410 Oh! Here's you in glee club. 189 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,163 Captain of the debate team. 190 00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,539 Oh, Mark. 191 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,417 Oh, look. Water polo champion. 192 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,627 Ooh. 193 00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:49,005 Head of the prom committee. Most likely to succeed. 194 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:51,591 - Are you in there, Miss. Howe? - Sure I am. here. 195 00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:57,889 I... I know I am. 196 00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,015 There! 197 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,308 Oh, yes! Yes. 198 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,560 There's my elbow on protest day. 199 00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:03,895 Oh. 200 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:06,648 - What were you protesting? - Oh, I don't know. 201 00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:09,275 The war, cafeteria food, the bomb. 202 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:12,403 It's just a real neat way to meet kids. 203 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:13,947 look at this. 204 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,323 18 years old, 205 00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,617 ready to graduate and take on the world. 206 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,160 Wait a minute. You graduated 207 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,162 from high school when you were 18? 208 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,206 What, did Daddy pull some strings? 209 00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,798 Huh! look at this! Look, look, look! 210 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,008 Here's our production of South Pacific. 211 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:37,804 Oh, Mark, you were the most powerful Emile de Becque. 212 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,806 Oh, and you were a great... 213 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,517 One of the nurses that washed Nellie Forbush's hair. 214 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:44,644 You would have been a much better Nellie 215 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:45,979 than Carol Shipley 216 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,897 because you always had a much better-- 217 00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:53,278 I'm gonna was that man right outta my hair 218 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,280 Personality. 219 00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,366 Hey, Kelly. How's it going back there? 220 00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:01,244 Fine. I just came out to get myself a soda 221 00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,496 And some suds for the Philster. 222 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:08,334 Kelly, why are you doing this? 223 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,420 I want Woody's friends to like me. 224 00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,796 Did you buy them a round? 225 00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:12,881 Yes. 226 00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:14,424 You'll never get rid of them. 227 00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:19,179 You know, Carla, you're the only one 228 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,389 of Woody's friends that I haven't spent time with yet. 229 00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:24,392 Let's you and I have a chat, hmm? 230 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,895 I better put on my thinking cap. 231 00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,815 Oh, doll, I've got to run. 232 00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:31,983 Kiss, kiss. 233 00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,735 Oh, Mark. so soon? 234 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:36,404 Yeah. I found this great apartment, but the rent is sky high, 235 00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:38,239 so I'm interviewing roommates. 236 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,033 This could be exhausting. 237 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,367 Later. 238 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,330 So that was the old boyfriend, huh? 239 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,373 Yeah. Can you believe it? 240 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,627 How could I have been so stupid? 241 00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,671 I should have seen it way back in high school. 242 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,798 Well, we all have our blind spots. 243 00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:58,676 This one was just staring me right in the face. 244 00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,764 He is the perfect man for me. 245 00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:07,185 I think this is the man 246 00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:08,978 that I'm going to marry. 247 00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:23,660 Mr. Peterson, it's your barber on the phone, 248 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,245 and he says it's been two days. 249 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,537 He wants to know when you're coming back. 250 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:27,664 What should I tell him? 251 00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:29,540 Tell him what I tell Vera. 252 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,960 All right. He'll be home after one more. 253 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:35,129 I tell you, Cliff ie, when it comes to photography, 254 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,631 your ma's quite a hotshot. 255 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,968 Yeah, she's pretty good. You like this one? 256 00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:41,636 Yeah? That's me planting old glory 257 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,513 On the lunar surface. 258 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,098 Here's my favorite. 259 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,976 That's you getting hitched to Princess Di. 260 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:52,230 Yeah. What a day that was. 261 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,776 Excuse me. Is this where the victim support group is meeting? 262 00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,653 Yeah. right over by the office there. 263 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,238 I'll be right with you. 264 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:01,739 There you go. 265 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,992 Sam, am I to understand that 266 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:06,828 you took it upon yourself to form a victim support group? 267 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,705 I think that's an excellent idea. 268 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,873 Well, actually, it was Lilith's idea. 269 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,751 It'll never work, I hope you know. 270 00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:18,756 Are you Tom's friend? 271 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:20,717 Oh, yeah. I'm Kirby. 272 00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,844 1967 Vinyl-covered hardtop, 273 00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,304 sun fire yellow, 274 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,972 427 high-performance engine. 275 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,890 Oh, yeah. Hi. I'm Sam. 276 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,392 I spoke to you on the phone. 277 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,561 '64 rag-top, black interior, 278 00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,688 rally-red, with knock-off hubs. 279 00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:35,732 Oh... good to know you, man. 280 00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:37,108 Yeah. 281 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:41,195 This is '70 cutlass supreme convertible, 282 00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:42,989 white interior, with overdrive. 283 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,033 I'm sorry. I'm not very good with names. What's your name? 284 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,826 - Sam. - Sam. Right. 285 00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,120 Shall we? 286 00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,706 Honey, come on. Sweetheart. 287 00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,167 We got the office. Thank you. 288 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,878 I'm almost ready for my big date. 289 00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:59,714 Hey, guys. Don't wait up for me. 290 00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:01,382 Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. Ha ha! 291 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:03,718 If she was only a horse 292 00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:05,678 with a broken leg or something, 293 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,472 we could shoot her. 294 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:11,517 Well, Normie. Norm, Norm, Normie. 295 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,144 We got to tell her. Come on. 296 00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,313 One of us has got to tell her. Let's go. 297 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,689 1, 2, 3. 298 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,442 All right! My rock smashes your scissors. 299 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,110 Oh, no. Not these scissors, pal. 300 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:22,487 What? 301 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,115 This is a special titanium steel alloy... 302 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,950 Oh, give me a break! 303 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,744 Developed by NASA for the space program. 304 00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:32,288 These scissors would smash your rock to smithereens! 305 00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:33,539 No, no. Not this rock. 306 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,376 This rock happens to be kryptonite from the planet Krypton. 307 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,252 Maybe you've heard of it, huh? 308 00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:40,088 Sounds to me like you guys are trying to get out of telling her. 309 00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:42,173 Gee, Woody, if you're so brave, 310 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:44,300 why don't you go back there and tell her? 311 00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,010 All right. I will. 312 00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:47,970 'Cause you know what? 313 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,389 That's what friends do. 314 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,224 They look out for each other. 315 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,601 If one friend knows something that another friend needs to know, 316 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,603 he lets him know, even if it's difficult. 317 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,230 That's what friendship is all about. 318 00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:02,777 What am I supposed to tell her? 319 00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:05,363 That her friend Mark is gay. 320 00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:08,449 Oh, I could never tell her that. 321 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,413 Hey, girls. Here's a little trick 322 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,622 I learned in high school. 323 00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:17,041 You put on your lipstick. 324 00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:19,085 Then you powder them. 325 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,628 That way, when you're making out, 326 00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:23,464 you don't get the lipstick all over the boy. 327 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,716 Rebecca...I believe 328 00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:27,218 you're laboring under a misconception. 329 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:28,636 Oh, no. Lilith. 330 00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:31,806 Rebecca, what Lilith is trying to say is that 331 00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:35,101 the powder isn't going to keep the lipstick off the boy. 332 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,854 But if he really cares, he's not going to mind. 333 00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:40,189 - Yeah! - Yeah. 334 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,233 So just go on out and have a great time. 335 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,193 Oh, thank you, guys. 336 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,987 Bye! 337 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,450 Why didn't you let me tell her? 338 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:51,742 'Cause it would be wrong. 339 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:55,413 It's not our place to interfere with their personal lives. 340 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,790 That's why they're called personal lives. 341 00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,917 It's not our place to play God. 342 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:03,087 Actually, I pulled down 60 big ones last year playing God, 343 00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:04,797 but I see your point. 344 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,382 And I owe you an apology. 345 00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,634 I actually thought you didn't want to tell her 346 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,136 so that she would be humiliated, 347 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,054 at which point you would make fun of her. 348 00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:14,390 See how wrong you were? 349 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,605 How was your date last night, Rebecca? 350 00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:22,732 Get lucky? Ha ha ga! 351 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,109 Okay. let's talk some more 352 00:16:25,276 --> 00:16:28,905 about how we feel about having our cars stolen. 353 00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:32,325 Alice, do you want to start off? 354 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,452 I feel empty. 355 00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,329 Okay. 356 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,788 Empty how? 357 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,790 Like... 358 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,918 A crock pot? 359 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,632 Let me just respond to what Alice just said-- 360 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,092 You know, that crock pot thing. 361 00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:51,719 Yeah. yeah. 362 00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:53,804 That's me. 363 00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:56,933 Sometimes when I'm walking down the street, 364 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,894 I think I see my car out the corner of my eye. 365 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:02,271 Let me just say something here. 366 00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:05,191 That corner of the eye thing... 367 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,276 Yeah. That's me. 368 00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,905 Guys, I just thought of something. 369 00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:13,658 I mean, maybe our cars weren't actually stolen. 370 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,701 Maybe they were just towed by the city, 371 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,871 and it's taking them time to process the paperwork, 372 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,207 you know, and... 373 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,883 I think what Kirby is going through here 374 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,344 ls what they call denial. 375 00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:35,721 I feel so silly. 376 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,099 No, no, man. Come on. Don't say that. 377 00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,101 This is not silly. This is beautiful. 378 00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:41,185 This is what it's all about. 379 00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:42,520 I think it's true-- 380 00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,480 Suffering does bring people together. 381 00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,983 I tell you, I feel very close to you all right now. 382 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:50,528 I just want to say, I treasure our friendship. 383 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:54,282 Sam, police called. They just found your car. 384 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,285 Okay. Meeting's over. 385 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,336 That was a great dinner tonight. 386 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,380 I haven't had Osso buco that good in years. 387 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:11,591 What the hell is Osso buco, anyway? 388 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,175 You don't want to know. 389 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:16,929 Mark, I had the greatest evening tonight. 390 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,973 We're going to have a lot of great nights. 391 00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:21,309 I want to pick up right where we left off. 392 00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:23,811 Do you want to start right now? 393 00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,980 - Sure. - Okay. 394 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:30,192 You just make yourself comfortable, and I'll be right back. 395 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,781 I feel like we're in high school again, 396 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,659 don't you, Marcus Aurelius? 397 00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:41,245 Yes, I do, Beckus Aurelius. 398 00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:43,414 You remembered my Latin name. 399 00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:45,082 How could I forget? You're the one 400 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:47,209 who got me through Mr. Vincent's Latin class. 401 00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,045 Oh, Mr. Vincent! 402 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,005 I forgot all about him. 403 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:54,216 I had such a crush on that man. 404 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:55,676 Who didn't? 405 00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:02,892 Here I am. 406 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:07,104 Be still, my heart. 407 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:10,441 Do you like what you see, Mark? 408 00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:12,234 It's gorgeous. 409 00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,320 Get over here. 410 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,113 Give us a feel. 411 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,074 Okay. 412 00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,956 Fabulous. 413 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,710 Give it! Is it silk? 414 00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:31,545 What? 415 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:34,799 Rayon? I don't believe it! You put it in a delicate cycle and a spin? 416 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:35,925 We have to talk. 417 00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:37,551 Mark, stop joking. 418 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:41,222 You know perfectly well that the point of this nightie 419 00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:43,766 is not laundry instructions. 420 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,686 The point of this nightie is to... 421 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:48,896 To what? 422 00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,773 To you know. 423 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,775 A man and a woman. 424 00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:54,193 Where? 425 00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:58,280 Oh, Mark... 426 00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:01,951 Rebecca, you know I'm gay, don't you? 427 00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:04,995 Well, of course I do! 428 00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,628 Why do you think I feel so comfortable 429 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,797 wearing this in front of you? 430 00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:20,219 I mean, this is my housecoat. 431 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:23,013 I know it's sexy, but I paint in it. 432 00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:28,060 You're gay? 433 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,312 Don't tell me you didn't know. 434 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:32,440 Usually, I assume somebody is straight 435 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,150 until I find out they're not. 436 00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:35,401 That's funny. 437 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:38,404 I usually assume people are gay until I find out they're not. 438 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,824 Sometimes we find out together. 439 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,703 I'm the one, aren't I? 440 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:49,707 Yeah. I'm the one that put you off girls. 441 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,084 No, Rebecca. 442 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,086 No, no, really. Go ahead, you can say it. 443 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,629 I've heard it before. 444 00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:03,095 Rebecca, if anything, you confused me. 445 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,765 You're the only woman I've ever been attracted to. 446 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,641 Thank you. 447 00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:09,769 Look at you. You're getting goosebumps. 448 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,897 Let's cuddle up on the couch with the blanket, huh? 449 00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:22,823 So we both like men. 450 00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:24,325 Yep. 451 00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:29,789 Are we stupid or what? 452 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,874 They're so insincere, 453 00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:34,251 and they're inconsiderate, rude. 454 00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:36,629 They lie, they cheat on you. 455 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,423 - Men. - Men. 456 00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:42,676 You know, things really would have been 457 00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:46,263 a lot easier if I was attracted to women. 458 00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:48,182 Me, too. 459 00:21:50,059 --> 00:21:52,895 You want to watch some TV? 460 00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:54,271 Yeah, sure. 461 00:21:54,438 --> 00:21:56,273 Maybe there's an old movie on, huh? 462 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,983 Yeah. 463 00:21:59,902 --> 00:22:00,945 Rebecca. 464 00:22:02,363 --> 00:22:03,989 What are you doing? 465 00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:07,243 Looking for the remote control. 466 00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:10,621 It's on the coffee table. 467 00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:13,415 You can't blame me for trying.