Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience.
Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
Woody's wedding was quite an event, wasn't it, Norm?
Boy, what a night that was...
The priest dying,
Carla being caught in the dumbwaiter.
How about that German guy trying to kill Sam.
'Du dort!"
Remember that?
Ah, yeah, but all that was nothing compared to the wedding itself.
Now, there was a comedy of errors.
It's not quite 2:00.
What do you say we stop off at Cheers, huh?
- Won't Vera be angry? - Oh, she'll never know.
Yeah, well, I guess not.
She sure put away that champagne at the wedding.
She's a big girl.
Ah, she's still out cold, too.
Okay, just don't slam the door when you get out
and remember, crack a window.
You're a good husband, Norm Peterson.
Okay, Sammy, I'm going home. I put away all the glasses.
The bottles are in the storeroom.
All the rest of the garbage from the wedding's in the office.
Thank you, honey. I'll lock up. Where's Rebecca?
I just told you. She's in the office.
Norm, mind if we make a stop or two on the way home?
I forgot to finish my route.
- Cliff, no. - Eh, all right. I'll do it tomorrow.
- Hey, Rebecca. - Hi, Sam.
- You okay? - Yeah.
I'm just thinking, you know, weddings always make me do that,
that I have nothing to show for my life.
Oh, come on, you're being a little harsh on yourself, aren't you?
Come on, take a look at today, right? The wedding started to fall apart.
You pulled the whole thing together.
- I did, didn't I? - You bet you did.
I used to think that if I married a millionaire
or if I had a baby, I'd be a better person,
but now I realize the only thing
that's gonna make me a better person is me.
Boy, scary as that sounds, it's true.
You see this cigarette?
This is the last cigarette I'm going to smoke forever.
This is going to be my symbol of change,
the old Rebecca burning away.
I'll tell you something else, starting tomorrow,
there's going to be no more whining and no more complaining.
I'm gonna be the best manager in the whole world.
All right.
Okay. Good night.
I got to get my life together.
No more screw-ups.
No more mistakes.
Good-bye, old Rebecca.
I think we got this one pretty much under control.
- You get hold of the owner? - Yes, sir. Should be here any minute.
Engines 28 and 30 can head back.
Oh, my God.
Mr. Malone, everything's under control.
Fire's out. No one was hurt.
It was basically confined to this end of the bar.
Oh, this is terrible.
How did...
This is my bar.
Oh, man.
Oh! Oh, yes, wait a minute.
Oh, thank God!
This is great. This is really good.
I'm sorry?
Gary, from Gary's Old Towne Tavern.
We're always doing pranks like this.
First, he makes the bar look like it burned down.
Then he gets you guys to go along with it.
You are very good.
Come on, lighten up, will you?
Come on, Gary!
Come on out!
Time to push the button,
make everything go back together again.
Gary!
It's not Gary, is it?
Sammy, this is terrible.
It just hurts me just to look at this place.
I know, but I'll tell you somethin', as soon as the insurance kicks in,
we're gonna get this place back on its feet in a couple weeks.
I just wish I knew how it started.
Hold it right there.
What are you saying, Sammy?
That a Tortelli kid would torch his mother's place of business
just for spite?
No, I'd never think that.
Why not? It's plausible.
Listen, just start cleaning up.
We're all going to feel better if we just start cleaning up.
I got to say, Sam, you're taking this whole thing
pretty darn well, not like some people.
Oh, the humanity!
Norm, I wish you'd stop staying that.
You've got to get a hold of yourself.
I'm sorry. I just...
This place means so damn much to me.
It's my home.
For the last few years, it's been my life.
The thought of living without it...
Oh, buddy.
I'll be over at Gary's the next few days, okay?
I want you to give me a call when it looks decent, all right?
Somebody said there had been a fire...
Oh, my God, I had no idea it was this bad.
Sam, what happened?
We don't know yet, sweetheart, but don't worry.
Everything's going to be fine.
I've already called the contractor, phone company, electric guy...
I think that's everybody.
Sam.
Well, almost everybody.
Well, Sam, I see you monkeys have discovered fire.
Would you like to come upstairs and see the damage at Melville's?
You know, why not? It might even cheer me up.
Hi, everybody.
- What happened here? - Woody, we had a fire.
Oh, no.
This is terrible.
This is Cheers, my home for the past seven years,
a place where I grew up.
Now look at it.
You ought to see the pool table. It actually fused to the floor.
Really? Cool.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Cliff, was that undelivered mail?
Oh, yeah, it was, Doc.
Oh, my sweet Lord, what a catastrophe.
I mean, there could be letters from mothers to sons in there,
Social Security checks, wedding invitations.
There's only one thing left for me to do now.
What's that, Cliff?
Get up early tomorrow and stage a jeep accident.
It's a good thing this fire didn't spread.
It could have been like that fire my great-grandmother's cow started.
Darn thing kicked over a lantern, burned an entire city to the ground.
The shame was so great my family had to move to Ohio
and changed their last name to Wilkins.
Woody, you're from Indiana, and your family name is Boyd.
Oh, well, some stuff happened in Ohio.
Come on, Woody, we've got to get to the airport.
You know, when these things happen, it really makes you stop and think.
Bye, everybody.
Next time you see us, we'll be tan.
Bye, Wood.
Well, we discovered the cause of the fire.
Same old story...
Some idiot tosses a cigarette into a trash can,
the whole thing goes up.
Are you sure?
Yeah, seen it a hundred times. When are people going to learn?
Are you all right?
I'm fine.
Oh, my God.
You know, I couldn't help overhearing that conversation.
Wild guess... your cigarette?
No.
Rebecca, you burned down the bar, didn't you?
What, am I wearing a sign?
- Are you going to tell Sam? - Could you?
I don't really think it's my place.
No, I mean, could you tell him you did it?
You have a very difficult choice to make.
My advice to you is to simply tell Sam the truth.
He's going to find out about it in any event.
You're right. He will.
All right, I'll tell him.
I mean, he's a friend of mine.
It was an accident. He'll understand, won't he?
Okay. Thank you. I feel better.
Sam, could I talk to you a second?
Yeah.
Sam, we found out how the fire got started.
- You're kidding. - No, and the guy said
he's seen it happen a hundred times.
So he's seen it a lot.
How did it happen?
I'm getting to that. It's just sort of hard to say.
- Please tell me. - All right.
The fire was started by...
...faulty wiring.
Faulty wiring?
I've been meaning to take care of that for years.
Oh, my God.
I burned down my own bar.
Oh, Sam.
It's going to be okay. We all make stupid mistakes.
Okay, guys, I got the plastic bags. You can start bagging the soot.
What happened to you?
Jeep accident.
Nice of you to join us, Norm.
I thought you were gonna wait it out at Gary's.
I was. I came to my senses,
realized my place was here helping Sammy.
If we all pitch in,
we'll have this place back together in no time.
- Gary wouldn't run you a tab, huh? - No. He was a real jerk about it.
- Rebecca. - What?
Have you told Sam how the fire started?
Oh, yeah, I told him.
He kissed me and he hugged me and he told me
what a big person I was to tell him.
You didn't tell him, did you?
Of course not, you moron.
Don't you realize that unless you tell him
your guilt will get progressively worse.
You'll start to shake.
You'll get the cold sweats, insomnia, nervousness.
Suddenly one morning, you'll wake up
and you'll be paralyzed from fear and guilt.
I can live with that.
It'll just be like every other Monday.
Well, I called the insurance company. We're not getting a penny.
What?
It turns out that my insurance policy had a $25,000 deductible.
Isn't that rather high, Sam?
Yes, it is, Mr. Where-The-Hell-Were-You
When-The-Agent-Was Talking-A-Mile-A-Minute?
God, I'm in a lot more trouble than I thought I was.
Rest easy, my friend.
I'm going to take out my checkbook,
and I'm going to write
"Pay to the order of Sam Malone."
Then I'm going to fill in an amount that will be more than adequate
to bring Cheers back to its former glory.
There. I've signed it.
Now all we need is the signature of Lilith Sternin-Crane.
Oh, she'll put up a fight, the little badger.
But this is important to you, so it's important to me.
I'm simply gonna go home and demand that she sign it.
Yes, demand!
I don't care what she says, she will sign it.
Thanks, Frase.
I'll probably just go to a bank or something.
Oh, thank you, Sam. Thank you.
There was...
...no way, you understand.
Your monthly cash flow is this figure here,
and now you want us to grant you a loan.
Yes, please, and by the end of the day, too.
Thank you.
Am I on one of those programs with a hidden camera?
Oh, no. I'm afraid you're not.
I know I'm not. I was making a point.
Mr. Malone, there is no way we can grant you a loan.
I've been to every bank in town. They've all said no.
Come on, you're supposed to be the friendly bank, remember?
We're the friendly bank
Mr. Malone...
Come on, I've seen the commercial.
You're supposed to sweep everything off your desk
and offer me a cup of coffee.
You don't even have any coffee here.
Mr. Malone, good afternoon.
Oh, please, don't you remember?
You and us, working it out together
Doris, would you send in security?
You and us, making tomorrow better
Sam... I burned down the bar.
Sam, speaking of bars burning down,
guess what I did?
Hi, Sam. Did you get the loan?
No.
It's all right, though, you know? It's not the end of the world.
I've been thinking long and hard. And I got a plan here.
I figured that if I cash in my baseball pension,
max out my credit cards, maybe move to a cheaper apartment,
and... well...
...sell the 'Vette.
A neighbor of mine, Kirby, had his eye on it for a long time.
He's upstairs right now taking a look at her.
Wait a minute, Sammy, your 'Vette?
It'll be all right.
She'll come back to me. She'll find me.
Like...
...Lassie?
Yeah.
All right, Sam. You got yourself a deal.
- All right. Okay. - Here's the check.
Yeah, thanks. Thanks, Kirby. That's great.
The title and the registration are in the glove compartment.
Okay, great. Well, I guess now all I need are the keys.
Sam?
The... keys?
Thanks.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
There's another way. I just thought of another way.
I can get this money. All I have to do is come up
with a simple product that America needs.
What?
Listen to me, you know, like the pet rock
or the vacuum thing that cuts your hair at the same time
or maybe even the toilet duck.
I just throw it together from scraps around here
and sell millions of them.
Why didn't I think of that before?
Sam, you're just making this harder on yourself.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
You know, they stole that toilet duck idea from me.
Yeah. You see...
...my original sketches, I had it as a goat.
Look, Sam, if you don't mind,
I'm ready to drive my Corvette home now.
It'll be okay.
Sorry, Sammy.
Thanks.
Kirby, take care of her.
This is a day I never thought I'd see.
Yeah, me, too.
What makes it worse is it's all my fault.
You know, I'm the one who did this to myself.
If I had checked the wiring, you know.
That's a stupid mistake
I'm gonna live with the rest of my life.
Come on, what is it now, Rebecca?
I have something I have to tell you.
Sam, the fire wasn't your fault.
I was smoking a cigarette, and I burned down your bar.
You did this?
You did this to me?
Yes, yes, of course.
Why didn't I figure this out earlier?
My bar burns down. You're within 50 miles.
It all fits.
Sam, I'm so sorry.
What were you thinking?
You're tired of screwing up your own life? You start to pick on mine?
You know, of all the stupid,
stupid things you've done in your useless life,
this is your masterpiece.
I'll tell you what. Why...
Get out.
Get out of my bar.
Sam, it was an accident.
- She had it coming. - Nobody had that coming.
I don't want anyone to defend her.
She's gone. Case closed. Let's just get back to work here.
I'll give you a hand.
Well, I guess we've seen the dark side of Sam Malone.
You want to see dark sides, you ought to see Ma
when you leave the shower curtain on the outside of the tub.
That's something you don't do twice.
I know you don't want me here, and I'm going.
I just wanted to drop this off.
I cashed in my checking account and savings
and everything I could scrape together.
I owe you this. Good-bye, Sam.
Rebecca, wait a minute.
Look, you and I don't have anything to say to each other.
You said some things today you cannot take back,
and you really hurt me.
I know that what I did was terrible, but what you did was worse
because you did it on purpose.
I don't ever want to see you or this bar again.
Good-bye.
Do you want your job back?
I really do.
I'm sorry.
Listen...
Why don't I get my jacket and drive you home?
Or maybe...
Maybe we'll take a walk. It's such a nice evening.
Sam, just out of curiosity, why are you taking me back?
Well, I...
I remember that five years ago,
after I'd sold this place, I came back to the bar.
My boat had sunk,
I didn't have a dime, I didn't have a job.
I needed someone to give me a break,
and you did that.
And I owe you one.
Sam...
Hey, listen, this is very important.
We're even now.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
Want to go out and get a pizza or something?
- Sure. - All right. Oh, wait, wait.
I don't have any money.
Oh, that's okay we'll just take it out of my life savings.
All right.
This should just about cover it.